RAoA Monthly - March 2014

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monthly

RAOA

MAR 2014 Issue 8

RAoA Predicts the Oscars! PG. 17

St. Paddy始s Day Drinks PP. 26-27

FEATURE

Shh.. Gossip Girl ON THE COVER

xaffinityx (RAoA glass by Euphoricentropy)

s t e r c e S d e l l i p S

ISSUE

07 TABLE OF CONTENTS 3 4-7 8-9 10-11 14-16 17 18-19 20 22-23 26-27 28-29 30-31 32-33 34 36 37-39 40 42-43 44-46 47 48-50 52-53 54-55 56-57

Amazon Reacts Amazon Deals User Origins Users Confess Stories & Poetry Oscars predictions ask the snoos fact or fiction 9 interviews St. Paddy's Drinks FredWampy's Contest Read Across America Gossip Girl User Reviews Loose Lips RAoA colours meme the mods pets of raoa crafts thanks User Submitted photos Games Events Usernames Mentioned

EDITORS thisisnotmyfault allergictoapples captivatingbleu l337chica kittehmew IDFKwhereGillianIs re_mix wee-pixie Sp3cia1k Fronywampy

“Excellent job as usual guys.” - naive_eve

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All prices as of February 23, 2014

Sons of Anarchy: The Complete First Season   

Starring Charlie Hunnam and Katey Sagal FX Channel extremely popular show Blu-ray, 3 Disc set (DVD set $25.00) Normal price: $69.99 on Sale for $18.49 http://tinyurl.com/o8nbzbd

Intex Swim Center Family Pool   

Colours and style may vary Can be used to make an indoor ball pit 264 gallon capacity Normal price: $39.99 on Sale for $26.36 http://tinyurl.com/naxqc32

Bodum Frykat Portable Charcoal Grill   

measures 15.4 by 15.4 by 11.5 inches Latching lid for easy mobility Enamel coated steel construction Normal price: $108.00 on Sale for $41.21 http://tinyurl.com/q35dfyd

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All prices as of February 23, 2014

Kangol Overnight Holdall   

Great for a short trip away Spacious main zippered compartment High quality construction for durability Normal price £37.99 on Sale for £16.99 http://tinyurl.com/nhe6s3h

Union Jack Filled Cushion   

30cm x 45cm in size Filled with polyester cushion fibre pad Cover 40% polyester,60% cotton Normal price: £15.95 on Sale for £8.95 http://tinyurl.com/oq5lqas

Kindle   

With Wi-Fi, 6 inch display New darker fonts for easier reading Holds up to 1,400 books Normal price: £69.00 on Sale for £59.00 http://tinyurl.com/oly9bmk

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Smart Portion Food Prep Center $20.20 Jokari Healthy Steps Water Infuser $6.00 The Biggest Loser: The Workout Weight Loss Yoga (2008) $7.82

Jokari Healthy Steps Portion Control Diet / Weight Loss 20pc Utensil Kitchen Tool Set

Also available as individual units:

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Strong man not included.

Weider Ultimate Body Works

Sexy woman not included.

Jillian Michaels Kickbox FastFix (2012) Gaiam Total Body Balance Ball Kit

$6.99

$19.99

Gaiam Beginner's Yoga Starter Kit $29.42

Iron Gym Total Upper Body Workout Bar $31.99

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FITNESS & HEALTH

Bowflex PR1000 Home Gym

Kickballa - I thoroughly enjoy giving someone a hearty kick in the balls. That's not true. I just <3 playing kickball. (There's BEER!)

FredWampy - Mine came from a game of Balderdash played over 10 years ago. It was a name that my girlfriend at the time made up and used in one of her answers. It's an inherently funny name.

unconfusedsub - Back when I lived in southern California we had a store that sold premade sandwiches all labeled as to what they were...except one. It was simply labeled sandwich. We jokingly called it the confused sub. Till one day my ex bought it and it was ham. From then on it was known as the unconfused sub.

Akeleie - I asked my dad for help, and

cats_and_vibrators

he suggested Akeleie because it is his favourite flower in the whole wide world <3 It has stuck with me since.

I literally just looked around my bedroom and was like, "Whaaaaaaat do I like?"

utreppenwitz - I used to play hide and seek with my brother. When he hid, I ran into his room and grabbed his Nintendo. I ran through the hall and slipped on a rug and fell all the way down the stairs. He teased me mercilessly for months after. He even offered to make my lunch to bring to school and when I opened it, there was a note in there. Now, he was not a very good speller, so he spelled things phonetically – the note said HA U TREPPEN WIT ZE GAME. And that is how my username was born.

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and then I picked my two favorite things.

TheEvilLightBulb – I’m evil. I’m a light bulb. What more can I say?

G0ATLY

Fmradiochick - I was working as a radio

Simple. I adore, love, obsess and COLLECT goats and a friend of mine playfully calls me Goatly

show host in St. Augustine, FL and I wanted to have a fun/ easy way for listeners to find me on social media.

Jhippelchen

Brenhines - My

My name means baby bird in Luxembourgish. I chose it because my usual one was already taken here, and I think it's just kinda cute and makes me findable by other Luxembourgers (and it's probably unpronounceable by anybody else...)

username is the Middle Welsh word for Queen

medelle mine is simply my middle name. :-)

paintnwood It's a movie quote from Dennis the Menace, good old Mr. Wilson takes a bite of tainted chicken and says it tastes like paint 'n' wood..

matrixknight88 - I was obsessed with The Matrix and Arthurian legends, and I thought, how cool would it be to be a knight within the matrix, and have the same powers as Neo? The 88 was an afterthought, and also my year of birth.

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: n a i n o z a m A n a f o s n o i C o n f e s s e rs C o n f e s s Us Confession time. I was on an app called Whisper, where you post secrets and people call chat with you or reply to your secrets. Well I posted about not having a Valentine and about 5 guys replied to me thinking I was a girl. Well all five were scumbags and basically hit on me and wanted to meet up to hook up. So I pretended to be a girl and convinced all five guys that I wanted to hook up and told them to meet me at the local Walmart at 8pm in the condom aisle. The next day 2 of the 5 replied back asking where I was and I told them I changed my mind, 2 didn’t message me again, but the one guy messaged me and told me he saw 4 other dudes there waiting and checking their phones and figured out I was playing them.

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I broke up with the last person I dated because of her smell. About four years ago, my parents had their well tested, after living in the house for almost fifteen years, and it had the second highest level of arsenic ever recorded in the state of Michigan. Sometimes I worry I’m so messed up because of long term exposure I was subjected to as a teen. The arsenic water is still the most delicious water I have ever tasted in my life.

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Dear Snoos, My upstairs neighbor walks around like he/she is constantly crushing a bug with each step. How can I get them to stop? plotbe01 Dearest plotbe01, The most likely scenario is something that our son encountered in college. His roommate Perry was very into the environment and not bathing. Perry was, not surprisingly, one who would vocally pat himself on the back when talking about composting. Because of his fascination, he had empty bags of Sun Chips everywhere. Every step sounded like a gunshot, according to my son. I’m sorry about your crumby neighbor. Perhaps passive aggressive Post-It® Notes are the solution! Earplugged, Mrs. Snoo Krewe of Snoos, How should I celebrate Mardi Gras? Show your tips! tragopanic Trago, Eat! Enjoy the traditional cuisine of Nawlins: jambalaya, po'boys, crawfish étouffée, gumbo, red beans and rice, king cakes, and beignets. They don't call it Fat Tuesday for nothin'. I had shrimp creole on a balcony once. And then I got hit with beads. The end. Mrs. Snoo

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Dear Snoos, How much Japanese food is too much Japanese food? xoxo, bunnysoup Kim, konnichiwa! How much is too much? That depends on what you plan to do with it: stuff or things? For eating, the recommended portion size is roughly 400 calories. No citation is needed, since I made up that number. For building a life-size pachinko parlor, the recommended quantity would be much greater. I'd say on the order of thousands of California rolls. 幸運, Mr. Snoo Dear Snoos, I'm a book addict. I compulsively buy books, I avoid social interactions because they cut into my reading time, and I hide my book reading from my wonderful not-spouse. Not that I want to change or anything, I just need more book suggestions. :-D -Buried in Books Dear Buried in Books, I recommend "Leave Me Alone" by Xuecun Murong, "Addiction Is a Choice" by Ph.D. Jeffrey A. Schaler, and "You Want Me to Read What?!" by M. Kent Travis. Read between the lines, Mr. Snoo Dear Snoos, I heard my parents having sex last night. (Same people who were too embarrassed to have the talk with me) should I or should I not call them out? Fmradiochick Dear Hearing Things, If you are certain that you heard correctly then perhaps it’s time that you had the birds and the bees talk Howeve with them. I’m positive they’d appreciate a lesson from you on how to spice up their sex life. However, it’s much more likely that what you were hearing was just a herd of elephants training for the Ringling Bros. circus. After all, your parents are circus performers. Or did you not already know that? Oops, Mrs. Snoo

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Join /r/teamamazon today! A private weight loss support group!

Get the support and encouragement you need to succeed! And make sure you’re never alone in your mission to get healthy!

Contact /u/midgisms, /u/NJBilbo, /u/thisisnotmyfault, or /u/JaneHurtin for more information! -24-

for you!

Participate in CompliMonday every Monday on RAOA! Look for sign-ups each week!

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We'll All Be Irish In a Few Drinks! Irish Julep 3 oz. Jameson速 Irish Whiskey 1/2 oz. Averna速 Bitters 1/2 oz. Simple Syrup 1 oz. Water 6 Mint Leaves 3 Sprigs Mint

Irish Lady 1 oz Midori速 melon liqueur 3 oz Champagne 1 oz orange juice

Lunar Lephrechaun 1 1/2 measure Tequila 1 measure Melon Liqueur 1/2 measure Triple Sec 1 measure Lime Juice Lime Wheel Garnish

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The Brotherhood 1.5 oz Michael Collins® Blended Irish Whiskey .75 oz Grand Marnier® .75 oz Bénédictine® .75 oz Fresh lemon juice Lemon peel for garnish

Irish Coffee 1.5 oz Jameson® Irish Whiskey 1 oz Brown sugar syrup (one part brown sugar, one part water) Hot brewed coffee Unsweetened cream, lightly whipped

Shandy 3 parts Beer 1 part Gingerale

Irish Car Bomb Irish stout (Like Guinness) Shot of Irish whiskey (Like Jameson) Pour the stout into a pint glass. Drop in a shot glass filled with Irish whiskey. -27-

Generic Widgets, Inc.

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2015

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You’re never too old, too wacky, too wild, To pick up a book, and read with a child. No child is too small to sit and be taught To pick up a Book and Share what they’’ve got Let’s pick up a Book Let’s pass it around And show all the kids Where Knowledge abounds! The MORE that You read, the MORE things You will know. The MORE that You LEARN, the MORE places You’ll go.

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March 2nd is Read Across America Day!

Celebrate Dr. Seuss’ Birthday and let your imagination play!

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xoxo

raoa gossip girl

shhh...

Disclaimer: Gossip Girl, while based off of user submitted information about themselves, is purely ďŹ ctional. Usernames have been replaced to protect identities. This is purely for fun.

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Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of RAoA’s elite. You may have won the others over, but I still think you’re hiding something. The year’s scarcely turned and already the secrets have begun. Where will it end this time? This year it isn’t about what’s happened, it’s about what’s to come... Spotted at the Melting Pot: Little Red with a mysterious man. Roses, sparkling champagne, Lover’s Lane? This seems like a celebration! What do they have to celebrate and who is the sexy mystery man? Let’s see where this night goes for these two love birds. Meanwhile across town, things are getting out of hand. The hooligan is stirring up trouble once again. They say a leopard can’t change his spots, but getting chased out of town? Aw G, I thought you were better than that. Disturbing the bingo hall during bingo hour? Naughty boy. Spotted: Straightboy JC dancing about to Shakira in his boxerbriefs. We can’t lie JC, whenever wherever, we’re addicted to you. We’d have no objection to seeing what’s underneath those clothes, or boxerbriefs. The most powerful secrets are the truths you thought you could never reveal. That once spoken, change everything. Until next time, you know you love me. XOXO Gossip Girl -33-

RAoA Reviews For the people, by the people! The World's Strongest Coffee 1 lb Bag Whole Bean 200% More Powerful than typical coffee shop roasts. 60 Day, Money Back Guarantee! If its not the strongest coffee you've ever had. Organic, Fair Trade and Kosher “Finally! A dark and powerful coffee that has great flavor.�

** ***

*After finishing it, I stubbed my toe and cried like a little girl.

This coffee is named the strongest coffee in the world, but what they fail to mention is that it is the manliest coffee in the world as well. After drinking a cup of this liquid manliness, I was able to do all sorts of manly things like growing hair on my chest, lifting a full size vehicle, and even ripping a bandaid off without crying. Yes, you heard me right. While under the influence of this coffee, I did not cry when ripping off a bandaid.

I would definitely recommend this coffee to anybody who wants to feel like a man, but be careful. The effects are not permanent.

giggidywarlock

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Issues weighing heavily on your brain? We’re here for you, no matter what.

/r/RAOAnonymous A private sub for members of RAOA who want to discuss mental health and other issues in a safe and supportive environment. Please PM /u/Pony_Hawk for more information. -35-

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RAoA Colours

Pages coloured from our Feb 2014 Issue

xaffinityx

JennaBug6272

DarlingDestruction -37-

Colour one of these pages and watch for an [Activity] to share! You might just be featured in the next Issue.

Click here to print!

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Colour one of these pages and watch for an [Activity] to share! You might just be featured in the next Issue.

Click here to print!

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$10 prize for the best meme of each mod! $20 overall prize! Ends March 7! GO ENTER NOW!

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WANT TO BE FEATURED? SHARE YOUR BIRTHDAY, WEDDING, ANNIVERSARY, NEW BABY, AND MORE!

ALSO, DO YOU HAVE AN AWESOME IDEA FOR CONTENT?

WE WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

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RAoA Monthly Craft For all you crafty crafters out there.

Samrock Crystals

Supplies

Borax | boiling water | wide mouth glass mason jar green & white pipe cleaners | string | pencil food coloring -44-

Twist pipe cleaner into desired shape. Tie a string to the “tail� of the shamrock, and the other end to a pencil, so it can hang into your mason jar. You will need 3 cups of boiling water per jar, and 1/2 cup of borax for each jar. More borax = larger crystals. Still until all Borax is disolved and add food colouring if desired. Lower the shamrock on the string into the solution in each jar, the pencil holding it up so it is not touching the bottom or sides. Put the jar somewhere safe.

NOW WAIT (Overnight will do.)

There you go! You will soon have an awesome crystal decoration. Remember you can change the shape and colour to match any holiday you choose!

Did you do this craft? Check out the next page to see how you can share it! IDEA FROM http://www.housingaforest.com/ -45-

RAoA Monthly Craft For all you crafty crafters out there.

Did you try out

this months craft? Crafty? Not crafty? Want to be featured in an upcoming issue of RAoA monthly? Submit your attempt of this month’s craft or recipes and you could be featured in Failed It or Nailed it! Inspired by pinterest fails, RAoA wants to feature your picture perfect results, or even better, your horrific fails, at attempting the craft or recipes featured in this month’s issue. So try out this month’s craft or recipes, and be sure to take pictures! Watch out later this month for an [Activity] post, where you can share pictures, and an optional caption or short story, of your attempt.

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PHOTO CREDITS:

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1. na誰ve_eve (feat. Nerdybirdie) 2. Fmradiochick 3. Pizzapizzapocket 4. stillneverwrong

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2

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UndergroundPhoenix

glanmiregirl

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PHOTO CREDITS:

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5. CampBenCh 6. showurnuts 7. okayiswonderful 8. Aerys1

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-fillyFmRadioChick FredWampy G0ATLY giggidywarlock glanmiregirl i_draw_dinosaurs idfkwheregilliganis IguanaGrrl ihaveplansthatday JaneHurtin Jayseesee85 jehc76 jencarpediem Jhippelchen juxtzy Kickballa killersiren KnitAJesso krq316 Kryptkris kubunto ladybrowncoat

abby89 Aerys1 Akeleie AllisonChadwick andersce anitxtina ArchersTest910 Bookishgeek boxofbuttonz Brenhines Bubblybreath buffhagen bunnysoup ButteredToast CampBenCH cats_and_vibrators chronos42 d3c47d4nc3 Don’tRideTheLemurs DrUsual Durithill eatingdust Eheaubaut

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lalalalady22 LaLocaChristina lifeofmathew lightzalot LonelyInterlude LovelyEyeballs MagicGal86 mamallama matrixknight88 medelle midgisms mouthie nahcabmA naive_eve Nerdybirdie Nikkaiy NJBilbo okayiswonderful paintnwood PCBreakdown Pizzapizzapocket Plotbe01 PokemonMaster999 qizi quick_quip_whip RhinoHornInMyBumHole rightfootedglove showurnuts

Sieberella sillygirlsarah Sp3cia1k stillneverwrong Sweetiebud3 TheEvilLightBulb TheJollyGreenGiant Theroyalhamster ThisGuyCantReddit thisisnotmyfault Tragopanic unconfusedsub UndergroundPhoenix unicorndanceparty Utinni utreppenwitz xaffinityx xStoryTeller

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