Pastorale november 2014

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04 ON THE COVER 06 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR 08 HOMETOWN HEROES 12 MUSIC ARTICLE - IKEY OWENS 18 MUSIC FEATURE - BROODS 22 MUSIC ARTICLE - ENYA SANDMAN 24 MUSIC FEATURE - ZOLA JESUS 30 BEAUTY ARTICLE - THE FALLING OF YOUR TAN 32 FASHION ARTICLE- THIS IS THE NEW SHI*T 34 FASHION EDITORIAL - THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE 44 FASHION EDITORIAL - B&W BEAUTY 56 FASHION EDITORIAL -IN THE WIND AND THE WAVES 66 80 HOROSCOPE 82 IN THE NEXT ISSUE...

FASHION EDITORIAL - THIS CONSCIOUS LIFE IN THE CITY

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IKEY OWENS w/ FREE MORAL AGENTS LIVE AT SPAZIO211 TORINO, ITALY 24 FEB.2011 ON STAGE THE RAPPER SUBTITLE, OPENER.

PHOTOGRAPH BY ROBERTO TAMBONE

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Hey everyone. Thanks for stopping by again! So glad to see people are actually reading this thing, and thank you so much for the growth. We’re working hard to not let you down and provide you with the good stuff only! This issue is bitter sweet. I love hearing new music and seeing favorites live... but also this month brought a reminder of how precious life is. How fragile we as humans are. Last month we lost a great man and musician. Ikey Owens was friends with many of my friends, and every time I’ve met him he was nothing but sweet and sincere. I remember seeing him at a local venue back in the late 90’s in the band Teen Heroes and being amazed by his skill. I live in Long Beach and he’s kinda the pride of our town. He always seemed to be playing with the coolest bands and people. One thing I always noticed was that he smiled and laughed a lot. He was such a happy guy. May we all strive to live our lives like that. Now for the sweet. Zola Jesus. Holy Cow. If you’re a close friend of mine you should be annoyed (by now) with how much I’ve grown to like her even more. Seeing her live was such a necessity for me, so much in fact I didn’t even realize it myself. It was almost spiritual. I left the venue in awe and so revitalized that although it was late, I had to write our editor Jackie to thank her for making that connection happen. One thing we’re learning is that there are a bunch of “Rockstars” and “Divas” out there. When dealing with them, some have major chips on their shoulders and expect certain things out of the little guys that only the big guys can do and afford to do. This makes it an uphill battle (more like war) for us. We have to fight to get the good bands, the good celebrities, and models for the covers etc. We’ve got some standards set for our magazine and we’re not really willing to let those go. One thing we’re very excited about is in our January 2015 issue we are going to start music reviews!!! It’s gonna be a blast. So send us your music!

publisher PAULIFORNIA

editor in chief PAUL RIVERA

managing editor JACKIE SUEHR

fashion & beauty director SASHA GOLDENBERGER

music director PAUL RIVERA

creative director PAUL RIVERA

editorial contributors COREY MANSKE, JACKIE SUEHR, AYLA HENDERSON, SASHA GOLDENBERGER, PAUL RIVERA

illustration contributors BEN MATSUYA

photographic contributors PAULIFORNIA, ROBERTO TAMBONE, MENDEE ICHIKAWA, ERIN MARIE MILLER, LUKE TEW, DANNY YSC PHOTOGRAPHY

I’m out of words…. Much Love, Paul R. Rivera Editor-in-Chief

ATTN: BANDS AND MUSICIANS WE ARE GOING TO START DOING MUSIC/ ALBUM REVIEWS IN A VERY FUN WAY. IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE REVIEWED, SEND TO INFO@PASTORALEMAGAZINE.COM

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Pastorale is an online-only magazine, produced with the intent to unify music, fashion and lifestyle into a congruent publication. As individuals, we all possess a variety of diverse tastes; it is our purpose to mirror these variances and to incite reflection and intellect. We are not a men’s magazine. We are not a women’s magazine. We are a human magazine. Our articles are not fluff. We aspire to produce an experience for our readers, to compel thought provoking opinions and to inspire creativity in all. Collaboration is what makes this special. We are you.

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JOE MORGAN:

THE MASTERCHEF OF AMP BUILDING. S T O R Y

A N D

P H O T O S

“Joe Morgan, of Morgan Amplification is a GOD.” I have heard this a few times before, and even uttered the words myself after a custom build he did for me about 4 years ago. While everyone else thought I was crazy that I wanted a 100watt pure clean top boost amp, Joe was the only one just as stoked as I was. Not only did he make it for me, he was enthusiastic about it. Once I got it I melted faces all over. But in all seriousness, Joe has a talent to hear an amp and figure out how to build his own version-replicating it (or clone), and only the most discerning ears would be able to tell which is Joe’s and which is the original amp. Such professionalism doesn’t come cheap or fast. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. If you want the highly sought-after tone and quality of Morgan Amplification amps get ready to sell a kidney, and wait a few months. The only problem with this route is it’s totally worth it. Who needs a kidney anyway? We named Joe this month’s Hometown Hero because he pours his heart and soul into making one of the world’s best amps. These are all hand made. Hand soldered in his shop in Huntington Beach. This isn’t some large factory spitting out hundreds of amps a day and then boxedup and shipped to your local Guitar Center. These are well thought out, hand crafted, and meticulously assembled. Joe’s amps are one of the finer things in life. He does annual “tone tastings” at a local brewery where you can come out and try some of his different amps with your own guitar, and get a beer and mingle with all the other drooling gear-heads in attendance. We sat down with Joe in his shop while he was wrapping up an AC20, and got to ask him some questions we think you might care about. Pastorale Magazine: How did you get your start in amp building? Did you work for somebody, start out as an apprentice, or did you just start out on your own? Joe Morgan: Yeah, I moved to California from Minnesota to work as an electrical engineer at Rockwell in the ‘80s on GPS satellites. So I had an electrical engineering background, and then I stopped using it for a long time. I was a plastics broker. I bought and sold train cars of raw material, but I had plenty of time during the day, because I could do my book of business with about 20 phone calls a month. It’s really all I had to do, and I worked out of my house. As a hobby in the ‘90s, I picked up an 18-watt kit, my wife worked Saturday nights, so while our girls were sleeping, I was just going to work on that, took my time and built it up right. Sat down with a couple of beers and the kit, and six hours later I had an amp. I realized that there wasn’t a whole lot to it. I ended up trading other materials for some more parts from another amp builder, and I built about a half-a-dozen amps under a different moniker. I made about altogether, under a moniker called JMI, I made probably two dozen amplifiers. Pastorale: Wait, JMI, isn’t that…? Joe: The old Vox. (Jennings Musical Instruments) jmiamps.com hadn’t been taken, so I grabbed it. It now stood for Joe Morgan Industries. 8 | PASTORALE | NOVEMBER 2014

B Y

PA U L

R I V E R A

Pastorale: I like that haha. Joe: I looked up the copyright for the three slanted rectangles that JMI used in the ‘60s and there’s a company that still owns the trademark to that in the US. Instead of three slanted rectangles, I did three slanted ovals which was my kind of homage to the old Vox which was one of my favorites. Pastorale: And they’re a very sought-after amp; worth quite a pretty penny. Joe: Yes, those are the old great Voxes, but I did it just kind of for fun. I was never intending to start my own company. People start calling and things kind of got out of hand. Then I decided five years ago to re-brand Morgan and here we are. Pastorale: I think when I first met you, you had just made your first AC20, and you had a prototype AC20 that a friend was showing me. It was kind of funny, because I had one friend telling me about you, and then another friend who was in my band, bought an amp off of you from Craigslist. He’s like, “Aw, this guy builds amps, we should check him out…” because we were always searching for a certain tone, and we never found it until we met you. At that one time in my life, it was like you were coming up in conversations left and right. I think that’s still kind of the case too. It seems like a lot of people are still talking about your amps. As your brand is growing, it’s awesome to see you’ve got so many different styles of amps now. Joe: Yeah, I love guitar tones. So, I don’t think there’s any one amp. I’m not trying to build the perfect amp, because I don’t think that exists. I think it’s more like you think of good amps as you would guitars. You wouldn’t use an acoustic for an electric gig. Pastorale: It almost varies song to song. Joe: Yeah, you know what I’m saying, like the difference between a Telecaster and a Les Paul. Although it might cover some sonic territory that’s the same, they’re radically different instruments. A Strat doesn’t sound like a Les Paul. You use different tools for the right job. I think with amplifiers it is the same way. Which is one of the reasons why I really don’t do channel switchers. It just don’t believe in that. Somebody who wants the Fender clean, and the Marshall crunch. Pastorale: It’s that dream amp that really is almost close to impossible to build probably. Joe: Yeah. The ones that kill me. When somebody mentions an amp that does Vox, Marshall and Fender; the front ends on all those amps are basically the same, the 12-AX-7s. Think of the 12 AX-7 as chicken. The back end is how we cook it. So you can fry it, you can curry it, you could broil it, or BBQ. That’s what makes a Vox a Vox, a Fender a Fender, and a Marshall a Marshall. It is more the back end than the front end. Channel switching amps generally have different front ends with the same back end. Regardless of how I cut the chicken I’m still putting BBQ sauce on it when we’re done, right? It’s always going to be BBQ. continued on page 10 WWW.PASTORALEMAGAZINE.COM


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Pastorale: That’s a great analogy. Would you say that you’re more of a Vox person though? Joe: Personally, yeah. If I’m building an amp for me, I like the touch sensitivity of a cathode bias class A type circuit. That’s just something that I gravitate to. I dig Fender tones. I dig Marshall in a big way, but Marshall for me-you almost need at least 50 watts, and you have to be standing in front of a 4 x 12. Straight into the amp is best. A Les Paul straight into a Marshall on a 4 x 12 is what it’s all about. It’s like, “Okay, I’m done”. Pastorale: Yeah. Joe: But we live in a different world now.

Joe: Yeah. I tell people this often. I think one of the coolest things about building amps today is that we live at the intersection of history and technology. The history that we have. We can look back. I’ve probably been in too many to count old Ac30s. Everybody will say, “Oh, the Wooten transformers are the best”, I’ve had every transformer set you can think of come through. I’ve had Ambiance that sounded phenomenal. I’ve had Wootens that sounded horrible. It is really more of an amp to amp to amp thing. I’ve seen radically different coupling caps and values within the same year. Where we are at today, is I can take a good sounding example of something and clone it. Find the voltages. I can have the transformers made to the exacting specs. I can recreate that. I’m trying to make a couple hundred amps a month, but I’m also trying to make a couple hundred great amps a month.

Joe: Where back in the day, Vox, Fender and Marshall, what they were doing was they were trying to source the cheapest components that they could to maximize their income so that they could get the product out the door. Pastorale: That is why there are so many variances in all those sounds from the amps of the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s.

Joe: Yeah. I’m wearing 50 hats because I’m ordering stuff and building stuff, and dealing with customers and dealers, shipping problems, artists. I’m just spinning too many plates. In January I realized that I’ve got to change something because this isn’t working. I decided to look into doing contracting. With the contract guys it’s all our same vendors, all the same parts. In fact one of the guys from Jackson Ampworks is the head builder for my stuff over at Boutique Amps Distribution and he’s killing it.

Joe: We would like to move to Tennessee at some point. Tennessee has no state income tax. It would be a huge swing to get rid of my mortgage and shop payment out here, and be able to combine it into one larger property in Tennessee where I have a barn or something on-site, and I can build on it. Pastorale: California is a hard place to run a business. They make it really hard.

“Think of the 12 AX-7 as chicken. The back end is how we cook it. So you can fry it, you can curry it, you could broil it, or BBQ. That’s what makes a Vox a Vox, a Fender a Fender, and a Marshall a Marshall.” ~Joe Morgan

Joe: Yes. They didn’t have the same conversations that we do today. They didn’t have internet chat rooms full of 17 year-old kids debating the differences between 12-AX-7 tubes and harshness of the mid-range. That kind of thing never existed. They were playing songs. They were making music. They were trying to be loud enough to be heard in a lot of areas, you know? It is a completely different world. Now we have the ability to choose between esoteric parts and really-we can go really, really crazy. That’s the world we live in now and that’s kind of cool. I think this is definitely the golden age of amplifiers. Pastorale: I agree. It kind of shows, because you do have a wait list for your amps. Joe: Yeah. Pastorale: I remember when I first met you. Your wait list was two weeks. Joe: Yeah. Pastorale: Where are you at now?

Joe: Right now, because of the fact that I’m moving to contract manufacturing, most of the models that I have become known for are going to be built by a custom house that also does 65 amps for Friedman, and some of the Boggner amps; they are going to be hand-building my amps with dedicated people doing 10 | PASTORALE | NOVEMBER 2014

Pastorale: That’s because they are hand-made. Everything is hand soldered…

Pastorale: I heard a rumor that you were moving.

Pastorale: Speaking of a different world you seem to be only using a lot of old world technology.

Pastorale: Right.

it. The most we’ve ever been able to do out of the shop is 50 amps a month.

Joe: Yeah. They just don’t seem to be keeping at least manufacturing businesses here. I think if you’re a politician this is a great state to be in. Pastorale: Well said. I think you were about to talk about how long an amp would take… Joe: Oh, wait times, yeah. Pastorale: Just say your flagship model, which I think you’re really well known for, is the AC20… Joe: The longest that anybody will have to wait for them is six weeks. That is only because we are building them now, and all of that production will be done by Boutique Amps Distribution. They can give me a couple hundred a month if I want; just a couple hundred AC20s which is great. My wait times have gotten crazy. Eight, nine months. We are trying to squeeze it down to two to three. That will happen after they take over, because they’re going to build AC20 and AC40, Abbeys, RCA35, RV35 and the entire SW line. All of those amps will be readily available. Those amps will have a maximum of about a six week window to be able to get. Dual 20s, Dual 40s, MD45, and a new amp called a PX50… Pastorale: What’s that about?

Joe: The PX50 is super high gain on the one input and super punchy articulate on the other. Pastorale: What would it be? Like a Marshall? Joe: Yes, it would be in the Marshall vein. Actually, the low input could do all of the Led Zeppelin catalog no problem at all. AC/DC, that kind of thing. Upper input is super high gain, more gain than you could ever use. Pastorale: Are you talking like metal? Joe: Yeah. Like as metal as you want to be. Pastorale: There you go. I never thought it would happen. Joe: Yeah, it was one of those things that just kind of fell together. I had some country artists actually that were looking for a bit more bite.

For more information on MORGAN AMPLIFICATION go to www.morganamps.com.

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The Death of Ikey Owens:

Shining a Light on a World Class Session Musician’s Individual Success

By Jackie Suehr • Image on this page by ROBERTO TAMBONE •editorial images provided by Mendee Ichikawa‘s Personal collection.

By the time the news of the death of Isaiah “Ikey” Owens had made its way to the early risers in my hometown of Orange County, CA, I had already spent a few hours on the East Coast reading and re-reading the reports that were making their way onto the Internet carrying the confusing and unbelievable news. Ikey Owens had reportedly died that morning, Tuesday, October 14 in his hotel room in Mexico. Owens was in Mexico on tour, as he was a member of Jack White’s all male backing band Buzzards, as he had been since 2012. As I poured over what little information was coming in, my first thoughts were of course sadness and shock. Ikey Owens was a more than a familiar name in the musical landscape of my mind, but there was something that grated at me as I quickly moved through report to report. The images being shown of Owens were repeatedly the same one. Isaiah “Ikey” Owens shown in photos as a member of Buzzards with White somewhere in the picture – if Owens was shown at all. Some reports even chose to forgo Isaiah’s image altogether and replace it with an image of White, side-by-side with White’s acknowledgement and kind words in response to the news. Mixed into the confusion of how such a young man leaves us too soon, was confusion as to why Ikey Owens was only being shown in this one light over and over again. See for me, Ikey Owens was a powerful mix of accomplishments stringing one genre of music after the next into a sound and reputation that went so far beyond this image being represented, and so far beyond a local scene I had grown up in. Yes, Ikey Owens was an accomplished backer. A GRAMMY winner, band member, session musician, producer, writer and keyboardist as well. It was at this very moment that I was hoping our Editor in Chief Paul Rivera would be having the same thoughts a few hours later when he too would be reading of the news, and hopefully seeing the same missing pieces, and that we here at Pastorale Magazine could help to share with our readers the bigger picture. The intensely talented, and wide-ranging musical force that was Isaiah “Ikey” Owens. If you are looking for salacious news or information surrounding his death I encourage you to trust that any horrible detail you may be looking for will be found elsewhere, and here Isaiah’s life will be explored and it is something amazing and brilliant, something that we felt you just shouldn’t miss. Born Isaiah Randolph Owens, in Long Beach, CA, and raised in Lakewood, CA, Ikey Owens graduated from Long Beach Polytechnic High School, and by the late ‘90s was already heavily active in the local music scene and making a name for himself. As a young musician he would play local venues, building respect within his diverse musical community. This diversity and knowledge would become the backbone of a reputation that landed him playing with a large act like the Long Beach Dub Allstars (formed after the death of Bradley Nowell by Sublime members Eric Wilson and Bud Gaugh). However, during the late ‘90s Owens was steadily amassing a list of appearances with lesser known, equally (if not more) talented acts like: Reel Big Fish, The Hippos, and a per-

sonal favorite, Teen Heroes. This time in the Orange County music scene was in fact something very special. If you were lucky enough to have the means, (a car or a friend with a car or maybe even a bicycle, and a lot of caffeine-fueled determination and a few bucks) and could catch a live show like Teen Heroes – you were hooked. This was a time for truly blended musical experiences the likes that Orange County hasn’t quite seen since, and there was Ikey Owens, directly in the middle of it. As his experience and knowledge grew, he found himself once again in the midst of a change when he decided to take the reigns as keyboardist for the dub-reggae, El Paso band De Facto. De Facto, comprised of members of the famed post-hardcore At the Drive-In, were in the market for a keyboardist, (theirs having recently left the band) and struck gold during a chance meeting with Owens. After At the Drive-In officially dissolved, and members of De Facto relocated to the west coast, Ikey became a full time member of the band until its end in 2003. Owens’ relationship with those band members would prove to be paramount though, as he was asked to continue on with the band’s next reincarnation – The Mars Volta. Here’s the thing though, while moving around within these acts, Ikey Owens continued to push himself musically, and found himself writing and performing his own material during this early time. This project known as Free Moral Agents, mixed his love of hiphop, dub, and psychedelic with jazz. Free Moral Agents is a group of musicians active for over the past decade playing live shows and releasing music from ‘Everybody’s Favorite Weapon’ in 2004, to ‘Control This’ in 2010. Free Moral Agents played live at The Prospector (a Long Beach institution) and The Low End Theory, and while the project was originally intended to be a solo project for Owens, it turned out to be an amazing outlet with a group of bandmates that would allow for Ikey Owens to be active in his own personal pursuits of music until the end of his life – no matter who he backed or how successful of a session musician he became. The story of Ikey’s musical accomplishments wouldn’t be complete without a full perspective of his range. A musician and keyboardist performing both live and session work, with genres that included (but not limited to) ska, reggae, dub, hip-hop, prog-rock, jazz, psychedelic…and the list goes on. Performing with acts mentioned above as well as an amazing cross-genre list of: Look Daggers (hip-hop/rock), Z-Trip (DJ), Mastodon (metal), Jack White (folk-rock), TV on the Radio (indie-rock), The Aquabats (new wave ska), Wailing Souls (reggae), Crystal Antlers (psychedelic rock), etc. Ikey’s 2009 work with The Mars Volta’s ‘Wax Simulacra’ earned him a GRAMMY (a fact I have rarely seen announced in the headlines surrounding his death), and he appeared on Jack White’s 2012 album ‘Blunderbuss’ which was nominated for a GRAMMY as well. It seems that Ikey’s work as a producer and successful session musician had fueled his recent transition to spending more time in Nashville, but having had returned as recently as June of this year to bring his ever-developing sound back to Long Beach for a show at The Prospector with Damned Age, slated in local press as an opportunity to see Ikey Owens live before his official relocation to Nashville. Producing and mentoring bands in between his scheduled tours with Jack White, Owens had his head and hand involved in so many projects that continued on page 17

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even the day he passed, Austin punk band BLXPLTN had released their first full-length album that was partially produced by Owens. BLXPLTN mentioned in their statement released after the news of his death that they considered Owens to be not just their producer, but also a mentor. The mentions, tweets, statements and memorials to Ikey Owens continue to be revealed. The Harms, a band from Austin whose music had been produced by Owens, and also considered him to be a mentor tweeted, “Crushed about the passing of our dear friend, mentor and producer Ikey Owens today. Hug someone you love, friends!” Flea, famed bass player for Red Hot Chili Peppers, also tweeted, “ikey beautiful ikey oh man love what a beautiful dude”. Eddie Vedder, front man for Pearl Jam dedicated the song “Light Years” in honor of Ikey Owens shortly after his passing at a show in Detroit, and artists, musicians, family and friends continue to take to social media to express the depth of their loss. The Holden Community Wall on 4th Street in Long Beach immediately became a makeshift memorial after news of his passing had reached to his proud community, and just this past weekend a group of friends, family and colleges gathered at Third Man Records (an independent record label founded by Jack White) located in Nashville, at a memorial celebration honoring his life and accomplishments. There is absolutely no way to define what the loss of an artist and musical talent of this capacity has on the music community. The music industry has

been touting the importance of cross-genre artists for a few decades now, and in my personal opinion, produces few successful acts that reach the masses that represent what that truly can mean. Yes, we see rock and hip-hop fusing together, we are inundated by electronic music that claims to infuse different styles and allows for acceptance of wide-ranging sound, but that isn’t fair because it isn’t enough. Isaiah “Ikey” Owens epitomized the true meaning of cross-genre talent, and in the act of sharing his abilities managed to make an entire community proud, mentor those who could benefit from his keen ear, and most importantly change the landscape of music. What Ikey Owens did with a keyboard, piano, organ – we hadn’t ever heard incorporated into the world of rock music. His appreciation for diversity made him a special player in this game, and the outpouring of respect since his death is proof of just that. If Ikey Owens is a new name in your musical repertoire enjoy the journey, and if he is someone you know of already and respect, I hope that for you I have done justice to his memory here. As someone who respects the art, hard work, and skill of musicianship I hope that as some time goes by, we begin to see writers and media outlets moving towards a different type of image of Ikey Owens. Not just the backing musician, skilled session artist, and talent on tour with a bigger, more recognized name. In contrast, I would like to see the skill of a GRAMMY winning musician, producer, mentor and amazing talent be highlighted in the images and stories we read. Content that is true to a person’s entire work. One that the people closest to an artist like Owens would understand and feel proud to see.

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As we reach a certain age, new music has a lot more hurdles to go through to make us listen and appreciate what’s going on. It’s not that we’ve grown old and tiresome, but that we’ve had years of experiences seeing music live and scouring record stores for that new band or artist that would end up representing a specific season in our lives. Why listen to that new band with the 19 year old singer when we can listen to good ol’ Morrissey and the Smiths? Why should we check out this new alt-country band when we can always go to trusty Wilco? They’ve been good to us, why not show a little loyalty? We become so set in our ways that it’s easy to forget that we’re living in an age where music is readily and easily available. Some call it over saturation; others call it opportunity. True opportunity has arisen in a group called Broods. The group is a brother and sister duo out of New Zealand, and come heavy handed with strong lyrics, vocals, and electronic beats. Their sound isn’t reinventing the wheel, but it is something fresh and exciting. Georgia’s powerful, mature, and beautiful voice hypnotizes the listener while you get a glimpse of Imogen Heap, and a smidgen of Sarah McLachlan. Brood’s music is serious, epic, and heartfelt. A lot of energy, but still mellow enough that you can read a book with it playing in the background. I really only knew a little about them from their self-titled EP released earlier this year which I instantly took a liking to. I noticed they had a couple shows here in Los Angeles opening for Sam Smith, so I reached out to their label to see if we could connect. First couple times trying to connect didn’t work, but then a friend from the label wrote and said we could have a quick window of time to shoot them at the Capitol Records building, and that we could do an interview with the duo via e-mail.

Caleb: I think tour life in general has been a shock, especially coming from chilledout New Zealand. It has been a massive adjustment with a lack of routine that we’re used to, but it’s a lot of fun. As for crazy tour experiences I think we are still waiting for that haha.

PASTORALE: What is the best and worst foods around the world? Caleb: Best: deep dish pizza. Worst: American coffee.

PASTORALE: When writing music what’s Broods writing style? Do you guys write together? Caleb: We don’t really have a particular writing style, we tend to change it up every time and not on purpose either. I think when writing you just have to go with it so it feels organic and natural.

PASTORALE: Both of you (Georgia and Caleb) have been playing music together for a long time, previously in the band The Peasants. Have you two always had that musical connection more so than your other siblings? Caleb: We started playing a lot earlier than our other siblings so it was the only option growing up.

PASTORALE: Not everyone has close relationships with their family members like you two obviously do. Does it ever get hard being in a musical project with family? Or is it more like you couldn’t work with anyone else?

Upon meeting Georgia and Caleb Nott we were pleasantly surprised at how down to earth they were. Rather than being total rock stars and unapproachable, they were fun and really just pleasant to be around. They were funny and goofing around-striking exaggerated high fashion poses and Caleb walking around like a T-Rex. This made me think that not only had I chosen a great group to feature in the magazine to share with you (our readers), but that I had also chosen a great band to be a fan of. Doesn’t get more legit then trying to shoot a pair of soon-to-be music legends while one is screaming like a dinosaur! What was awesome is they also pulled it together and did their job allowing me to snap that obligatory “cool” photo for the mag.

Caleb: I don’t think we could work with anyone else to be honest. There is this sense of comfort writing and performing with a sibling, it means you can be really blunt and you know you’re not going to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Another opportunity popped up about a week or two later to shoot them at their live show at the El Rey Theatre in Los Angeles for their US record release party. This was just gravy for us, so I was able to really watch them perform rather than focus on getting “the perfect shot”. Dear god let me tell you. For music that’s more on the mellow side they rocked live. Georgia was magnetic with her vocals, and connecting with the crowd with this sexy and regal vibe. All the while Caleb at the keys/electronics rocking out as if he were in a rock band playing their second encore on a reunion tour. Their live presence solidified to me their true heartfelt love for what they’re doing. It all made sense to me about 4 songs in, that for Georgia and Caleb, Broods is the musical representation of their hearts and souls and this isn’t just another band.

Caleb: Well of course everyone is as much a part of this project as we are. I mean we wouldn’t be able to do what we do if we didn’t have the support of our fans, especially the ones that have followed us since the start. These are the people that gave us our break

PASTORALE: First off, it was awesome meeting you guys in the Capitol Records parking lot. We were pleasantly surprised that first you were so approachable, and second that you’re just as goofy as we are. With that being said, it’s so awesome watching you perform live because your music is so intense and full of heart. Would you say that the two of you have a healthy balance between “the serious” and “the humorous”? Caleb Nott: We definitely make sure we have that balance, if you’re too serious all the time you will just turn into an incredibly boring person haha.

PASTORALE: Tell us a little about your artwork on your album and website. It’s absolutely beautiful. Caleb: I fell in love with work of Anna-Wili Highfield as soon as I saw it. She makes these beautiful paper sculptures of animals, and captures so much character and personality just using paper. So we visited her in Sydney and had the wolf masks made, which turned out better than any of us expected!

PASTORALE: So being from New Zealand and traveling the world, has there been any sort of culture shock or crazy experience you’ve had traveling? 20 | PASTORALE | NOVEMBER 2014

PASTORALE: At your recent record release show at the EL REY you handed out masks of the Wolves on the front of your new fulllength record ‘Evergreen’. It at first seemed like some gimmick that was going to be some sort of a self-promotion tool, but it ended up being something that was a very beautiful, and a gracious gesture. You said that we (the crowd/ supporters) are just as much a part of this as you are, tell us a little more about that.

as much as anyone else.

PASTORALE: You guys are blowing up in New Zealand. Are you guys local celebrities yet? Caleb: I really don’t know yet, we haven’t been home much at all this year to experience it if we are. We also don’t get out much... well Georgia doesn’t haha.

PASTORALE: So being that we’re also a fashion magazine, tell us a little bit about your sense of fashion as a band…. or individually if you’d like. Caleb: I really appreciate our local fashion in New Zealand and in Aussie too. My wardrobe is almost all black and white with a few colorful sneakers thrown in there.

PASTORALE: Are there any designers that you’re loving both locally and abroad? Caleb: I’m huge fan of a brand out of Melbourne at the moment called Claude Maus, and Kowtow from NZ.

PASTORALE: Caleb, you mentioned you wanted a funny question… So here it goes…So if the zombie apocalypse started today, how long do you think Broods would survive and why? Caleb: Probably get on a boat with a harpoon gun... zombies can’t swim can they?

Well if the zombie apocalypse happens make sure and set to sea to catch up with Caleb and Georgia cause it sounds like they’ve got a plan. For now, make sure and check out their new full length album ‘Evergreen’ that released August 22nd on Capitol Records. Also, get more information at www.broods.co/ WWW.PASTORALEMAGAZINE.COM



Remember the last time someone threw a curve ball your way in the middle of a conversation? It happened to me a couple weeks ago socializing with a group of friends at a party. The topic itself is a favorite amongst music fans, but the unexpected twist changed the trajectory of our chat. The basic idea behind ten must-have albums stranded on a desert island was reasonable for my buddy to bring up, since we’ve kicked it around a half-dozen times before…but then came the detour. Here’s exactly how he posed the question: “What are your top ten must have albums if you were stranded on a desert island, in a space capsule orbiting Earth, on a 500 mile backpacking trip or whatever?” Most of my friends have debated the desert island premise and have enjoyed everyone’s surprising responses. At least one of my friends still bears the nickname afforded him by ridiculously stating Santana’s ‘Supernatural’ was unshakably one of his must-haves. And I’m the guy with the note in my phone (appropriately named: Desert Island Music) with my carefully crafted, totally justified, confident, bulletproof list. That note is there because I fully admit I’m weird and because if it wasn’t there, I would get hopelessly stuck after rattling off the first nine. Then I would panic and end up blurting out something sure to earn me a nickname. Now, let’s get back to the question. If he had simply stopped after the word ‘island’ everything would’ve been fine. Peering down at my phone, my solid answer could’ve withstood any debate. However, adding the space orbit, backpacking trip and ultra-ambiguous ‘whatever’ to the mix was sheer insanity. I was caught off guard. Did he want one impossible list that encompassed all situations? Was he looking for several lists off the top of my head? Could he possibly be more specific about the parameters of ‘whatever’? He calmly looked at me with a smile on his face and said, “Dude, it’s the same list. Ten must-haves in that situation…go.” I looked around and the rest of the group had evaporated. The two of us stood there as my innerhard drive sputtered. His question baffled me because those situations were very dissimilar in my imagination. Remember the last time a sentence was leaving your mouth before it had the stamp of approval from your brain and you wished you could just reel each word back in? It happened to me directly following my friend’s ‘it’s the same list’ clarification as I unfortunately blurted the following: “That’s completely asinine!! Everybody knows you need Bob Marley stranded on a desert island, but nobody wants reggae in outer space. Looking out that window at the Earth, you’d need Enya or some shit…’Could You Be Loved’ isn’t gonna get it done if you’re floating around in a spacesuit.”

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Can anybody guess what my buddy suggested my even better, newer nickname should be at that moment? What a nightmare. Everything went sideways. The list in my phone was a non-factor as I did everything in my power to avoid being called Enya or Sandman for the next decade. Then I finally realized my point, composed myself and delivered.

“What are your top ten must have albums if you were stranded on a desert island, in a space capsule orbiting Earth, on a 500 mile backpacking trip or whatever?”

Can anybody guess what my buddy suggested my new nickname should be at that moment? I back-pedaled very quickly.

“I like her records, but she’s not in my top ten or anything. You can’t call me that. It’s not accurate. Would you really want ‘Enter Sandman’ by Metallica in space? No, but you’d sure as fuck want it on that 500 mile backpacking trip! Right?”

Our surroundings, combined with the emotions that influence our mood are what determine what we choose to listen to. That’s why I couldn’t answer my friend’s question with one list to cover such different settings – both physical and emotional. Without the risk of earning any new nicknames, you could leave the house in the morning in a good mood because of a good night’s rest followed by an excellent cup of coffee and decide James Brown is the perfect spring-in-your-step soundtrack to start the day. Your mood would likely change when you got to work, especially if you were to discover that everyone -- except the boss -- has to work through the weekend because the office flooded thanks to an overflowing bathroom sink. That would be an appropriate time to swap out ‘I Feel Good’ for a little Megadeth. In a self-propelling cycle, we select music to support our mood/surroundings and our surroundings/mood supports our selection. Having the power to choose our personal soundtrack is pretty cool especially with technology these days. Seriously, having access to every bit of music at any time is an amazing development. Remember the crap you HAD to listen to in the gym, at the grocery store or riding in your parents’ car? Unfortunately, there are still a few places making soundtrack choices FOR you and not surprisingly, most of us would choose to be somewhere else. Does smooth jazz at the dentist office really make your experience more enjoyable? I doubt it. Maybe it takes the edge off a bit and reduces the chances of strangling the dental hygienist, but it seems pretty incongruent with our mood. That’s how I feel about listening to Bob Marley in space. It’s like wanting a chocolate milkshake but someone hands you a beer instead. Frankly, I’d prefer to have silence at the dentist rather than a watered-down, beige version of a Huey Lewis tune followed by never-ending Kenny G.

After explaining my point of view to my friend, he agreed that mood is SO huge and that the power to choose our personal soundtrack is such a fantastic, individualistic thing. I guess something I said must’ve really resonated with him. As we cracked open a beer he smiled and said, “Nothing like craving fried chicken and mashed potatoes all day, then your chick makes you a kale salad instead.” Go get your fried chicken and mashed potatoes, brother. WWW.PASTORALEMAGAZINE.COM




NOVEMBER 2014 | PASTORALE | 25



There’s something so mysterious and entrapping about singer Nika Danilova (Zola Jesus). It’s not that she’s totally beautiful, but something far deeper. She seems like an old soul who’s been through and seen it all. You can’t pinpoint it, which makes her even more mysterious.

to use those tools. At that point, you are giving up. You are making a decision that instead of honing your skills and technique, you decide to take a shortcut and let something else do the work for you. I find that incredibly dishonest and unfulfilling.

While waiting for her performance in Los Angeles at the El Rey theatre, the house played an odd mixture of electronic blips and beats and horns not really creating a song, but more of an overall feeling. Forgive me for getting a little personal here, but up until this show my personal life has been hectic with a whole bunch of crap being thrown on my plate. Not that I wasn’t happy to be there to shoot a singer that I loved while she shared her latest work, I was just exhausted and worn out.

Pastorale: Being a student of philosophy at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, are you still interested in philosophy? If so, what philosophical mantra do you live by or may be important to you?

Then it happened. The curtains separated and the title track from her new album started. At first I didn’t see Nika (Zola Jesus) cause I expected this tall, almost god-like woman to grace us with her presence. Then I realized as Nika’s epic and majestic voice started singing that the petite woman on stage was actually what my subconscious was expecting to see, the mythical goddess Zola Jesus. As the track built up it felt like the seas got rough, and then the crowd was hit with a tidal wave of sound and energy. Zola Jesus was dancing like a wild maniac while her backing band, and the electronics, took an interlude into chaotic blast beats, lights flashing, and almost pure craziness. Then, everything simplified and calmed just as fast as it arose…. the seas were calm again, and then the lights went dark. Zola Jesus (Nika Danilova) sang epic song by epic song pacing the stage looking into the crowd and it literally seemed like she was making eye contact with each individual in the room. I felt like we locked eyes a couple times which made Zola Jesus seem more human and less god-like. It’s amazing how powerful music is. For me this show wasn’t just an opportunity to have a musician I like in our magazine, it ended up being what I truly needed. After the show I was talking to Jackie, our Managing Editor, and telling her that (and this might seem funny) I felt like this show replenished me and it was exactly what I needed. I was stoked we got what we needed for the mag, but I was even more stoked that I felt like I could actually take on the crazy few days I had ahead of me. Nika Danilova (Zola Jesus) will most likely always be mysterious and intriguing, but below she sheds a little light on the mystery, and shares a little about her upbringing, and being a warrior on stage.

Pastorale: For people who don’t yet know who you are can you tell us a little bit about your upbringing, where you were raised, and about your love and interest in opera? Zola Jesus: My upbringing was pretty standard for a Midwesterner. I grew up in northern Wisconsin, in a quiet, rural area. There weren’t that many opportunities there, so I did what most kids do, and make their own fun. I got into opera singing because I loved how it made you sound so big. I was born pre-maturely and have always been incredibly small for my age, so singing opera helped me feel powerful.

Zola Jesus: Philosophy is the closest I’ll ever get to a religion. It’s very comforting to have the company of so many great minds to help you answer the questions of the world. Lately, my motto has been “we are all waiting to die.” It gives me a freedom to realize we are all just in the waiting room to become dust. We work so hard to give meaning to our lives, but really it is meaningless. We take it all too seriously.

Pastorale: Your live show even seems to be a little … (for lack of better words) bi-polar... you show a lot of emotion. From calm and peaceful, to powerful and regal-then to wild and eccentric which I think is so relatable. Musically speaking, what are your influences... at least currently (because we all know that changes periodically)? Zola Jesus: My musical vocabulary is as erratic as my discography. Everything from chart-topping pop, to modern classical, to industrial, to gospel, to hip-hop. It all mixes together in a soup that becomes the DNA for my music.

Pastorale: How would you describe your music to someone you’ve just met? Zola Jesus: It’s impossible to answer this question.

Pastorale: In your live show you carry yourself so strongly. You’re a very beautiful woman and your humility is inspiring. You really seem to engage every person in the audience. You seem grateful that we’re in the room listening. Is that the case? Zola Jesus: I have found that connecting with the audience on an individual basis is the ultimate vulnerability, but at the same time it feels so intense that it reduces fear. I think it is hard to harbor judgment when someone is staring you directly in the eyes and singing something like “ it hurts to let you in”. At that point it becomes transcendental.

Pastorale: We’re also a fashion magazine and your style is something that you’re also known for. Who are some of your favorite designers? Also, tell us a little about your jewelry style. Zola Jesus: I use clothing as a means to create an armor. Especially in regards to live performance, I like to feel strong and powerful, because I am so terrified on stage. Designers like InAisce, Rick Owens, and my stylist Jenni Hensler make great pieces that help me inhabit a world where I feel like a warrior. My jewelry does the same.

Pastorale: We read that you started performing at a young age, and that you were a bit of a perfectionist. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Pastorale: Your new full-length record ‘Taiga’ was released October 7th. It’s definitely something special. What does ‘Taiga’ mean?

Zola Jesus: I started singing at a very young age, but performing was always very difficult. Like learning any instrument, in the beginning you sound bad, but with practice you get better and better. I was so terrified of sounding bad, that I could not practice when my family was home. I would hide in the corner of the basement to practice. I was terrified of being judged, mostly because I was a huge perfectionist and judged myself more than anyone.

Zola Jesus: Taiga is the name of the boreal forest. There are taiga forests near where I grew up in Wisconsin, as well as in Russia, Asia, and Canada. To me, the taiga represents a home and a freedom. It feels like a thread that connects me to my ancient roots. The record was written on an island in Washington named Vashon Island, and being there so tucked away from civilization, inspired me to make a record that felt like it was boundless.

Pastorale: Do you feel you’re still a perfectionist? Zola Jesus: Immensely. I am so deeply hard on myself. It is impossible to feel good about anything I do, because it will never be good enough for my own standards.

Pastorale: Do you think subconsciously that’s maybe a reason you’ve gone to more of an electronic route, because of the sheer perfection in timing, etc.? Zola Jesus: Not really. I like having vocals that are raw and unedited. I despise auto tune and pitch correction. It’s cheap. It would make me feel even worse

Pastorale: Is this your first release on Mute Records? Why the transition? Zola Jesus: It is. I have been with Sacred Bones since the beginning. They are my family, and my blood, and I will forever work with Sacred Bones in one way or another... but I wanted to try something different.

Make sure and check out http://www.zolajesus.com to pick up her new Album ‘Taiga’ and watch the insanely beautiful video for the song ‘Dangerous Days’. NOVEMBER 2014 | PASTORALE | 27




beauty

THE FALLING OF YOUR TAN Now that we are full-swing into the fall season, our summer tans are noticeably dwindling to a nil. Everyone knows the harms and risks of tanning beds, and – let’s be honest – no one is fooling anyone with that carrot-hued spray tan. In my opinion, we should maintain a slight glow during the impending fall and winter months. However, colder temperatures bring dry, dull and pale skin appearances. So naturally the question arises, what are those people to do who are looking for a glow and a pinch of shimmer? Are you doomed into wearing turtlenecks and footed jumpsuits until the sun comes back? NO. Should you roll around the city smelling like sour coconut milk and cheap perfume-also known as self-tanner? BARF. My recommendation to avoid these beauty blunders: RCK or Red Carpet Kolour is an oil based, fragrance-free, paraben-free, and hypoallergenic tinted body lotion that is awesome for the following reasons: being fragrance-free, this product won’t give you that self-tanner smell that makes your nose twitch. Yay! Additionally, it locks in once it dries (which takes about 5 minutes) so there is no transfer of the lotion onto your threads, which evades stained clothing. Bonus? If you mess up, it effortlessly washes right off with soap and water in the shower. You can wash your hands at your leisure and they won’t get that orange palmstained look. The oil base is great for dry, winter skin so you can avoid the patchy skin-color variation. You can easily use this product year round, especially if you are someone that turns pink or red under the sun and never achieves that sought after glow. It comes in three tonal shades which reduces the look of uneven skin. Imagine a scentless, error-free lotion option that glides on, dries after application, and gives you a nude panty-hose effect. Plus, anything that lessens our body’s exposure to the sun is on my happy list. Remember, a sun-kissed tan is temporary; wrinkles and cancers are not. This product was formulated by a celebrity makeup artist and is used on the red carpet often. The photo quality is great, and who doesn’t want to look air brushed in real life? If it’s good enough for Hollywood’s red carpet it’s good enough for you to use at your friend’s wedding, a birthday party, or New Year’s celebration. Whether you’re a daily glam person or looking for a shimmery glow for a one-time event, I urge you to try it out. The 5.5 oz. pump bottle size is actually pretty generous, and should last you quite some time. Give it a whirl without regret! Visit http://redcarpetkolour.com for more information on how to purchase. Written by Sasha Gold Model: Maria Erikson Photo: Paulifornia

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32 | PASTORALE | NOVEMBER 2014

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MY OWN SHIRTS .COM

Revolutionizing the Way People Buy Clothes

The days of visiting the tailor to get custom-made shirts, as well as the tedious measuring and fitting sessions are over. My Own Shirts is revolutionizing the way people buy clothes with their unique 3-stage process that saves a lot of time. Anyone harboring secret fantasies of becoming a world-class designer can use My Own Shirt’s bespoke service as their training ground. Designing the perfect shirt on the company’s website-myownshirts.com-can be done in less than six minutes. In the first step, clients choose the fabric, cuffs, collars, pockets, buttons and more, for their shirt. The best thing about the design process is that clients can watch the shirt evolve in 3D as they go along. The second step is to enter body measurements, and the final step is left completely to the manufacturer to execute their craft. Once the shirts are completed, they are delivered to the client within 2-4 weeks wherever they are in the world. The shirts manufactured by My Own Shirts are built to last. They are made using the single needle lock stitching method, which is one of the strongest types of stitching used in garment construction. In single needle stitching, the seams are first sewn together. A second seam is then created to conceal the first seam. Unlike the double stitching method, which is easily distorted when washing, the single needle stitch creates a neat, clean, crisp look that can withstand a lifetime of washes. Additionally, the single stitching method features 14 stitches per inch. This, as well as the quality of the fabrics used by My Own Shirts, contributes greatly to the durability and longevity of their shirts. For co-founder, Chris Ball, My Own Shirts is more than just about changing the concept of bespoke shirt manufacturing. He said, “For decades, ordinary people have not had access to fine fabrics and traditional tailoring. We aim to bring the very best in fine Egyptian cotton to the reach of everyone.” The bespoke service provided by My Own Shirts is proving to be a hit among the creative, those strapped for time, and those who just desire well-made shirts. Callum Bamford, one of the many satisfied clients said, “What can I say? The shirt is absolutely fantastic. I’ve tried it on for size and it fits like a glove. I’m overwhelmed with how it has turned out. It really is the nicest shirt I have the pleasure of owning.” Another client, Mark Daley said, “The quality of material and workmanship is fantastic!” Clients who have experienced the quality of the service can hardly wait until the company decides to pursue bespoke manufacturing of other types of garments. To browse swatches, accessories, or design a bespoke shirt, visit http://myownshirts.com/. My Own Shirts was founded by Chris Ball and Matthew Berwick. The idea for the company was birthed while Matthew was working in Shanghai a few years ago, and discovered the luxury and convenience of buying tailor-made shirts from the comfort of his home. Matthew met Chris – an entrepreneur, author, and marketing specialist – in Turkey in 2011, and the two discussed the possibilities and the potential of Matthew’s idea. Four months later, My Own Shirts was born.​ NOVEMBER2014 | PASTORALE | 33


This is w

P H O T O G R A H E R / S T Y L I N G

Coat - H & M Jewelry - Stylist’s Personal Collection Black Lace Tank - Vintage

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what it feels like U K E

T E W

• H A I R / M A K E

U P / M O D E L

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Jewelry - Stylist’s Personal Collection Crop Top - American Apparel Jean - BDG



Coat - H & M Jewelry - Stylist’s Personal Collection Black Lace Tank - Vintage


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PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANNY YSC PHOTOGRAPHY. MODEL IS TERRA CLARKE. STYLIST IS CATHERINE KEERS. MUA IS LAUREN YOUNG. ALL CLOTHING FROM NORDSTROMS









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Photographer: Erin Marie Miller •Wardrobe Stylist: Emily Haight • Model: Ryan Keesecker • Wardrobe Provided By: Willys Detroit




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SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

LADIES: Who started the fire? Oh right, you did! When someone says you are “smoking hot” it doesn’t mean “Hey, you should totally burn down this building”, but you have to admit, you look damn good doing it. Eff it-BURN IT DOWN!! GUYS: You stallion you. You should be in Medieval Times with those moves, and not the actual era, like the live show, 6pm on Wednesdays. Tickets come with a free plate of wings and a delicious dipping sauce of regret. We know you have started the Mo-vember stache, which is great, but you have to be aware of all the meat-cicles you are storing in that beast. You can eat to help it to grow. Just don’t show the ingredients.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 –December 21)

LADIES: This is YOUR month, and you know what people have always liked about you? You are calm, cool, and collected, like all the time. Even when you bitch, you apologize after. Here’s the deal. Some people deserve to feel your wrath when they are being power hungry bags full of month-old douche. Sorry...but it needed to be said. GUY: Oh Saggy little Sag. You enjoy that Halloween candy you jacked from your nieces, ya we thought so. There’s this thing called movement, or better called exercise. Let’s give that a try this month so we have extra belt room for Turkey Day. K good talk.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

LADIES: If I had a nickel for every time you peed the bed after drinking copious amounts of Jameson, well let’s just say I would live rent free. Girl, you are too hot to be doin’ that shit. If you’re going to pass out piss drunk, pass out on the toilet...and piss. Love you. Mean it. GUYS: If there was an award for dude with the most Tinders you would be going home with the gold. Metal that is...because it’s a points game we get that, but you are high in quantity NOT quality. Think twice before you swipe... #themoreyouknow

GEMINI (May 21 – June 21)

LADIES: Have time for a quick date Thursday night? Of course you don’t busy Ms. Lizzy. That schedule book of yours fills up so quick you had to buy two! PUT THE PEN DOWN and get some sun, you deserve it. Also, reevaluate your obligations vs your responsibilities. Sometimes people take advantage of you because you have a heart for helping. GUYS: How dope was Halloween? Oh you just sat home and watched the Simpson’s Treehouse of Terror, that sounds about right. Right now you are laying low, and for good reason. If I had a Taurus hottie peeing all over my bed I would chill on the dating & party scene too.

CANCER (June 22 – July 22)

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

LADIES: Security blanket at the wash? We thought so. That’s ok, no worries, we got you. This month will be fun for you. Release some built-up stress and enjoy some of life’s finer things like booze, sleep, and more booze. Cheers Cap! GUYS: Ever see the “Yes Man”? If not, that explains a lot! Either way, watch it and LITERALLY say yes to anything! Except a road trip through the wild woods of Redding, CA. All you will see is meth-heads and chickens...also addicted to meth. Bon Voyage!

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

LADIES: “God DAMN you sexy”, ever heard that? Well you will be hearing it quite a bit this month. Some will come from equally as good looking peeps...but some, well let’s just say, remember that pepper spray 1lb. weight set your mom got you for your night runs. GUYS: Take it off, take it off...we mean that jersey... the season is over homie. We know, we are sorry your team bombed buuut you can eat away your sorrows towards the end of the month in the company of your dysfunctional yet loving family at T-day. But for now, let’s focus on getting some sun, opening a few beers, and taking a friends adorable rescue dog to dog beach. Girls love guys with dogs...seriously.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

LADIES: Let it go, let it ggooo... Great, great song. Anyway, remember that guy you met on Tinder that you thought you had a great time with? Wellllll let’s just say he doesn’t agree. It would be in your best interested to Let it go, brush it off, and move along to the next Tinder experiment, actually DELETE TINDER (for real this time)! GUYS: Do you even pew-pew bro? Seriously, ever been to the shooting range? Spidey sense is tingling, and you need to heat up that gat in your safe and blow off some steam at the range, also if you don’t have that gun anymore (no need to explain), that Hunter game at the dive bar down the street will do.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

that equals up 60% of your body, ya some of that. You’re bleeding butane dude!

LADIES: Oh lordy lordy Aries, more like air-head. Have you smoked yourself stupid? You must have checked the lock on your front door like 15 times last night. Is there a hidden compulsive Aries deep down? The only logical solution would be to stop watching the Crime channel late at night after you have partaken in the “Hippie Lettuce”, just saying… GUYS: How stoked are you that the hottie you met last Sunday text you!?! Wait, you don’t remember meeting her? Ok we need to talk about these blackouts. Your roommates can’t even tell you’re in another dimension half the time. Take it easy on the Fireball and have some water...you know that thing

LADIES: What rhymes with Cancer, DANCER! Unfortunately, you look like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld (if you don’t know...Google that shit). A good suggestion is to ask your cousin Sparkle Pony (stage name) to teach you the moves of her people (strippers.) Best of luck! GUYS: You just had to text her that!? Dude, you’re screwed. Not really sure how to help you out of this one, and you have exhausted all of your adorable excuses. Well she won’t be talking to you anymore so you can take her name out of your phone. I think it’s under “Irish bar blonde chick?” haha you’re such a jerk.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

LADIES: The lady Leo, you are a heart stopper…like seriously, you’re deadly. You get so wild in the bedroom your neighbors called the cops because they thought your man was getting beat up by kinky moaning little ninjas. Let the man heal before you bring out the whip and clamps again. Deal? GUYS: I’m going to be real with you, if you can’t put up with the heat get out of the kitchen. OR, stop dating someone that has the same sign as you and you won’t be getting your ass kicked by your lady. But the stars say she will be mellowed out for a bit, or at least until you heal. Tootles!

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

LADIES: Normality? Impossible. And you are okay with that, just as long as the company is as excited about the random late-night adventures to abandoned warehouse raves then all will be well. Just don’t bring Brittany. She’s always a downer, and her glow sticks/debit card always seem to be the only things she forgets. Boo B! lol Boo-b haha. GUYS: Either you want to be with her or you don’t. Figure your shit out. She’s at boiling point-break, and is on the verge of sending you on your way without a swag bag. Not saying to start saving up for a ball-and-chain, just some monogamy and a date every now and then will do. Otherwise, keep your pants on and stop inviting her over to “be creative” at 10pm. She’s not an idiot, just a sucker for that Virgo charm.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

LADIES: Seriously Libra, stop asking everyone ELSE for advice. Fine, you know what, you DO look fat in that! Happy? Didn’t think so. Listen, you’re a strong and beautiful cougar who just needs some love from the young bucks. Go to a pub, and stay later than 8pm and you might meet a ready and willing barely 21 year-old meat cake. GUYS: Don’t stay at a pub later than 8pm, there have been reports of weird old ladies referring to themselves as cougars devouring your barely legal friends…it’s a zoo out there!

BY AYLA HENDERSON THUG LIFE. 80 | PASTORALE | NOVEMBER 2014

WWW.PASTORALEMAGAZINE.COM



IN THE NEXT ISSUE... MUSIC ARTICLE

TAKES MONEY TO PAY MONEY MUSIC FEATURE

DEEP SEA DIVER AND (OF COURSE) ALOT MORE.

82 | PASTORALE | NOVEMBER 2014

WWW.PASTORALEMAGAZINE.COM




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