“These are real journeys of real people shared with us that provide hope, encouragement, and inspiration. We gain strength and a sense of joy as we read, over and over again, how God transforms lives through the work of our Christian community.” —FRANK WATSON, chairman, Board of Trustees, East Seventh Baptist Ministry—Graffiti Inc.
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R E S U L T S GOD TAGS PEOPLE FOR HIS PURPOSES
Other books in the “Upside-Down” Series Upside-Down Devotion: Extreme Action for a Remarkable God Upside-Down Freedom: Inverted Principles for Christian Living Upside-Down Leadership: Rethinking Influence and Success
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R E S U L T S GOD TAGS PEOPLE FOR HIS PURPOSES
susan field
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New Hope® Publishers PO Box 12065 Birmingham, AL 35202-2065 NewHopeDigital.com New Hope Publishers is a division of WMU®. © 2014 by Susan E. Field All rights reserved. First printing 2014. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of the publisher. Library of Congress Product Control Number: 2013955340 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture quotations marked The Message are taken from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Cover and Interior Design: Glynese Northam ISBN-10: 1-59669-404-1 ISBN-13: 978-1-59669-404-0 N144110 • 0514 • 3M1
Dedication To my husband, Taylor, who constantly encourages and loves me, and to Pastor Taylor, who has shepherded this fabulous Graffiti flock since 1986.
Table of Contents Preface
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Introduction
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Chapter 1
Upside-Down Relations: Finding Family
Chapter 2
Upside-Down Religion: Finding Faithfulness 45
Chapter 3
Upside-Down Restraint: Finding Freedom
Chapter 4
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Edna Cheyenne Anonymous Bruce Rita Amanda Mary
Mackenzie Amy Katara Aubrey Hannah Danielle Krista
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Dimitri Heidi Carmen Anthony Imani “Glassgirl” Linda
Upside-Down Rebellion: Finding Father Raul Lisa #1 Johnny Del Timothy Lisa #2 Johanna
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Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Upside-Down Reason: Finding Function
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Tonya Kareem Chris Candace Andrew Taylor Ashley
Upside-Down Resonance: Finding Focus 135 Linli Owen Anonymous Gravien Christy Freeman Susan
Upside-Down Reality: Finding Faith Stephanie Dheindy Peter Elaine Carrie Polly Anonymous
Conclusion and Questions
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Tally of Places of Origin 189
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Preface
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his book preserves 49 individuals’ miraculous life stories. Every person and each struggle is important to God. Each obstacle overcome advances God’s kingdom. Major or minor, each human challenge given to God is a mighty victory; there is no hierarchy of surrender or struggle. Forty-nine people share here and every single one is a hero for being vulnerable and for desiring to bring God glory through his or her story. Some of these heroes are shy. Others remain anonymous out of respect for people around them. Each voice belongs to a real person, and all of these are working here to let every reader see into their lives—to view what Jesus Christ has done. Though preserved in the English language, English is not the first language for many of those telling you about their journey. Each person speaks his or her faith experience in his or her own way—each experience with God is personal—and that’s the point. The impetus for this book and its stories is knowing and loving so many of the people who have come through the doors of Graffiti over the past 27 years, to worship. The amazing and incredibly joyful thing has been getting to know such a wide range of people with such diverse backgrounds, and, over the long haul, learning how to love and work with each other. Every time it seemed like someone was pretty well known, another part of their life story would surface, obliterating all of the categories and stereotypes that can form so easily. It is a blessing to be a Christian believer and follower and to have so many precious brothers and sisters here on earth. My hope is that each of you readers will find that one or more of the personal stories resonate with you, and that God will turn your life upside down to reveal His way for you. 11
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introduction
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ealing with God can be dangerous. “I don’t mind the Holy Spirit,” one of the first participants in Graffiti’s East 7th Baptist Church said, “except when He comes in sideways.” The group around him laughed, knowing that this brother-saint often expresses himself in unusual ways. But underneath the funny, attention-getting statement, there is a truth. A truth about following God that those who follow the Christian way often disregard, and that those who seek to avoid Christ dismiss. The truth is that God does not deal with people as if we are all the same, or all have the same life story we’re living out. There is no single human template for the way that God will call or shape or use His followers. God is the ultimate artist and He never makes the same human twice. God’s way may take us beyond what we ever imagined, and may take us far beyond what we deem comfortable or normal (Ephesians 3:20). Even though each person will have a unique life story, there is also a great fellowship of the heart for those who do seek God in worship together. For 30 years on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, a band of worshipping believers have come together for that fellowship. That group now has “offspring” worshipping in Harlem, Mott Haven (the Bronx), Brownsville (Brooklyn) and Hicksville (Long Island). All of these brothers and sisters in Christ come from different cultures, countries, family structures, economics/environments; from different backgrounds in every way imaginable. These people have completely different life stories, yet we meet together with one heart to worship the King we have each embraced. The New Testament Book of Revelation describes heaven this way: After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb (REVELATION 7:9 ESV). Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him (REVELATION 22:1–3) 14
Introduction
There is a giant river running through a beautiful city. And, the leaves of the tree of life are “for the healing of the nations.” The author of Revelation describes a beautiful promise that whatever now divides Christ’s followers, God will heal when Christ’s reign comes in full. God will dissolve injustice and incompatible human ways finally, and the goodness of God will rule. Even believers from nations that have been at war for ages will unite under His great rule. God the Father and Jesus (the Lamb) will live there in the peace of the city, and all those who have chosen to serve God will be there serving joyfully. The letter to the Ephesians tells us that even now healing is present to remove the divisions among Christ’s true family members. As Christ’s kingdom on earth expands, each believing group of followers becomes a sort of first glimpse of what the kingdom will finally look like. In this verse, Paul tells two groups, Jewish and Gentile believers: For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace (EPHESIANS 2:14–15). For the people who follow God, their primary lens is theological. The mixed group of Jews and Gentiles in the Ephesian fellowship grew strong not because of their accommodation to every taste and culture represented, but because of their great desire to please Jesus. The Christians at Ephesus were fitting together, each with their own unique “color,” to make the design God intends. In Ephesians 3:10, the Apostle Paul uses a kaleidoscopic description when he writes about “the manifold wisdom of God.” The Greek image is “tiny bits of colored glass.” Graffiti Church, New York City, has a rich, colorful history of directors, pastors, supporters, and congregants. In the beginning, there were no “official” church meetings. The first small groups included kids and homeless people. There have been from 2 to 2,000 people meeting under Graffiti Church’s sponsorship. Millionaires and nillionaires have worshipped here. People from all corners of the earth have come to share in the fellowship of worship: from New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Introduction
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Alabama, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Texas, Puerto Rico, Ireland, Romania, Brazil, New Zealand, Scotland, and the list goes on. Graffiti Church refers to all of these: Graffiti 1; Graffiti 2; Graffiti 3 Legal Ministries; and Graffiti 4 “Gotta Serve.” The Harlem “offspring” refers to the ministry of Global Gates. People have come and gone, and at times the experience has twisted, turned, and placed us tediously “upside down.” The diversity has developed, on its own, and the outcome is rich and beautiful. A story is told of a professor in a Baptist university in North Carolina, who encouraged his students not to try for the best grades in the course. He told them that he wanted them to become so interested in the course material and ideas that they would simply make a “casual A.” By using their own natural enthusiasm and interest, they would succeed. Students might have viewed this approach as upside down. Graffiti, seeking to serve Christ, has made a “casual A” in richness and diversity. A creatively crazy mix of people has been able to get to know and love each other, forming a beautiful pattern that is much more than the sum of its parts. Like the bits of beautiful glass in a kaleidoscope, people from Wall Street and Delancy Street, from flophouses and penthouses, farms and apartment buildings, from “projects” and gated communities—all come together, focusing on Christ, to worship and to seek to do a better job of following our Master Artist, Jesus. The picture is varied and colorful, and, like a kaleidoscope, the results are always changing.
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chapter 1
Upside-Down Relations: Finding Family
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ome of the world’s most famous stories revolve around people looking for lost families, for a place to truly fit in. Sometimes families are lost through war or death, sometimes because of rebellion, but also because of shortsighted or poor choices. There are many destructive and violent patterns that continue through families for generations. Many times this relates to alcohol or other drug use. In other instances, a family member is lost because he or she chooses to distance himself or herself from their families. Or there are family members who simply refuse to relate to each other. In the Old Testament Book of Ruth, the young woman Ruth finds her true family in an upside-down way. But even more amazing, her motherin-law, Naomi, finds a family long after any hope remains for a family through her own efforts. The choices that Ruth and Naomi make seem to be the opposite of the common sense ways to make family happen. Yet, these two women—beyond anything they could expect—succeed, and the family that God gives them has an impact for eternity.The story of their lives goes like this: Because of a famine in their homeland of Judah, Naomi and her husband left and settled in Moab. While they lived there, both of their sons married native women (Moabites). Naomi’s husband died, as did her two sons. Left with only the two daughters-in-law, no way to support herself, and no grandchildren, Naomi packed up to return to Judah. But this older women insisted that the daughters-in-law go back to their Moabite families so they could find other husbands and begin anew with their own families. Orpah, the first daughter-in-law, objected at first, but then relented. She made the most obvious family-seeking choice (humanly). Ruth, however, was relentless. She clung to Naomi. She had met not only the family from Judah, but the God of Judah. She chose to follow God, not the world’s wisdom. As a woman who viewed her situation from an upside-down perspective, she forsook the way that may have seemed obvious, and chose the truth about who God is and the way He revealed to her. From a human standpoint, she sacrificed the path that would have led her to security, her own home, and her own offspring. She made God more important in her life than an earthly picture of what a family would look like. Her choice demonstrated that she cared more about being among those who served 18
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the eternal, one true God than she cared about her own culture’s and family’s expectations. In the end, Ruth met an older relative named Boaz, known as a “kinsman redeemer.” In Judah, Jewish law gave this male relative the right to take Ruth under his own “roof,” marrying her and changing her situation completely. Boaz chose Ruth as his wife, and together they had a son, a great inheritance. The God Ruth left everything to follow gave her all that she could have wanted in a family. Even though she was a stranger to the country and people whose God she followed, Ruth received from her choice back in Moab, to stay with Naomi and her God, far more than she could have expected. And, on top of that, Naomi got a grandson, born and raised in her home country, in the name of her husband and her son. She received a family from God for herself after all, even though she had been willing to give up the daughters-in-law. Ruth and Boaz (the “kinsman redeemer”) are part of the line that produced King David. And Jesus. All because of that foreign woman Ruth’s faithful choice. Who could have guessed? In this chapter, people from Graffiti share the paths of their great losses and their great gains involving family. Many of them simply never had any family structure to begin with. Others lost sight of the importance of family. Most had some great brokenness in the families that birthed them, letting them simply fall through the “cracks” of society. In His great mercy, somewhere along their path, God gave them a choice, like Ruth, to follow Him, even if it meant making an upside-down choice. They turned around from being “orphaned” by circumstances, and allowed God to adopt them into His family. By making that choice and coming in contact with God, each of them has found a place to belong, thrive, serve, a place to love and be loved.
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Edna
I was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. When I was 1½ years old, my sisters Beatrice and Sheila and I went to live with my grandmother, Mrs. Leah. She was kind to us. She would allow us to go outside and play with friends, and she watched over us with love. Somewhere between the time I was 5 and the time I was 8, she got sick and passed away. So, Beatrice, Sheila, and I were sent to live with my aunt Sarah. My father sent my aunt Sarah money every week so that she could pay for our necessities, like clothes, schooling, food, and shoes. Sadly, Aunt Sarah never used the money on us. We went to bed hungry because she was not willing for us to eat “her” food. Sometimes, we went to school with no shoes, and we didn’t have the proper school uniforms. The sisters at the school (a Catholic parochial school) contacted my father. He responded by coming to the school and paying our fees for us. He also took us out of Aunt Sarah’s home, and sent us to live at our mother’s. I was 9 years old when we moved in with my mother, and there I met my three brothers for the first time: Alvin, Henry, and Joseph Jr. During this time, I began to feel that my mother saw me as her helper, rather than her child. She insisted that I go to school, come home and do my homework, and then after that look after my brothers and sisters until she came home from work. By the time I was 14 years old, I was like a prisoner in my mother’s apartment. She stayed out a lot of the time, and expected me to watch over things. Even when we asked her, she wouldn’t let my sisters and me go to church. I knew we needed to connect with God somehow. All I could do on Sundays was get on my knees in my room and pray for our family. When I became 15 or 16, my stepfather, William, began to treat my sister Beatrice and me very badly whenever my mother left the house. We were repeatedly raped and punched in the face. We tried and tried to 20
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convince our mother that these bad things were happening, but she chose to believe William, not us. It got so bad that I hardly ever left the house because the bruises and black eyes I had were so bad. I felt ashamed to go anywhere. I couldn’t even look in a mirror. I felt like there was something really wrong with me, and that I was the bad one. I didn’t really understand why these bad things were happening to me and to Beatrice. I didn’t know why our family life had to be so bad. The situation came to a climax when William beat my sister so badly that she died right there in front of the rest of us. When they realized what had happened, my mother and William left the rest of us children there to die ourselves. She made me believe that she left because we were fighting against him, and we were fighting his horrible abuse. With no other choices, I took off and went to live with my friend in Brooklyn, New York, because there was nowhere else for me to go. It didn’t last too long, though, because her family got bigger, and they had no spare room for me. I was placed in a women’s shelter in New York City, and then was moved to some other temporary housing. I was very thankful for the people that helped me with housing, therapy, a job, and a way to have my own life and dignity. I had several children of my own. Circumstances separated us, but eventually my children were able to come and visit me (which still continues). In the shelter program, I met a very happy and friendly woman, who became a dear friend. One week she invited me to her church way downtown in Manhattan. It was called Graffiti. I was happy to go with her because I knew that she was a real friend and that she cared for me. Graffiti was a wonderful place. They treated me like family. I began coming more regularly. Soon I was there every time the church doors opened. I loved helping with the children there, and volunteering with the other programs. I felt like I finally had a new family to be part of, and to be important to. The shelter’s women’s group has retreats, and I am able to go with them to get out of the city. When I come back from those retreats, I feel really good about myself. I feel like God put them in my life to remind me that He loves me. Now I have my own apartment and I help with some of the ministries for homeless people at Graffiti. I always remember what that kind of life felt like. I knew that God had brought me to Graffiti, and I recommitted Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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my life to Him. I remembered those prayers on those dark Sundays at my mother’s house. I just knew that God was hearing me, and working to get me out of there, into a healthy family. It felt so good to finally be cared for. God showed me that I could also care for others who had the same tough times I had had. My own original family often just wanted things and money from me, but Graffiti is now my real family. Everybody there is my family member. God has helped me find a true family that truly loves and cares for each other because of Christ. I hope through my ministries that I can help other people find that too.
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Cheyenne
I was born in New York City in the lower part of Manhattan. I lived with my mother for the first 11 years of my life. At first, it was me, Mom, and Dad living in Greenwich Village. The family was filled with drugs, alcohol, abuse, and neglect. Both of my parents had been heroin addicts, and were taking methadone to keep them from returning to their addiction to heroin. This made them very sleepy most of the time, and not so aware of what was happening around them. It was not a great environment for a child, and it was difficult for me to know what things were good to do and what things were not. They never really explained their problem to me, so as a child I just thought that was the way everyone’s parents were. I think because my parents knew that they were not coping too well, I remember that they also drank. My early years were very haphazard, and I was never sure what reaction my behavior would elicit. When I was about 2 years old, my mom gave me some peanut butter to eat. Like a 2-year-old would, I experimented with smearing it around the apartment. No one had ever told me not to do that. No one told me to stop it because both of them were either too sleepy or too drunk to pay attention. But when they finally noticed it, they were both really angry with me. I didn’t understand what I had done, but I tried my best to remember not to do it again. At the same time, they could be very loving and encouraging. They talked a lot about loving me, and how much I meant to them. As a little kid, the times of affection were what I was starving for. When my dad wasn’t drunk, I remember going with him to the Laundromat or to the playground. Some of those memories are really sweet. He could be really funny and kind. I have a picture that some photographer took of my little hand resting in his big hand. The picture is very precious to me. But I also remember him being arrested right in front of me in our apartment, and being taken away by the police officers. No one Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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explained anything to me. My mom just kept quiet and kept on with her methadone and her drinking. Looking back, I think I was probably hungry most of the time. No one washed my clothes for me very often, or made sure I was safe or prepared, even after I started school. It was difficult for me to understand what all of this meant at such a young age. I just assumed that everyone’s life was the same as mine—random and chaotic and full of drama. At about 8 years old, I began to go to the Salvation Army after school. It was safe and fun, and I could tell that the people cared for me. I learned about God, how to pray, and how to have a relationship with Jesus. I determined not to repeat the life of my parents—full of lies, drugs, and alcohol. When I turned 11, the courts removed me from my mom’s home (my dad had left by then). I went to live with my aunt, who is part of Graffiti. She worked to provide me with a good life. I know that God used her to help me heal from some of the tough parts of my childhood. Through my aunt, Graffiti, and continuing with the Salvation Army, I began to see how unusual my parents’ life was. I went from a “special” class at my old school to regular, precollege classes at my new school. At my aunt’s home in another part of the city, Brooklyn, I learned many skills to live a good, healthy life (like cooking and cleaning for myself), and I felt like there was at least one adult in the world who would care for me no matter what. I was finally able to be the child in the family, instead of the caregiver. I am realizing more and more how important it is to have a good, wholesome environment. Plus, I am learning how to have strong relationships with others that don’t involve alcohol, drugs, lies, or drama. My aunt has sacrificed some of her own comfort to take care of me. I know that God planned this out for both of us. Her love for God and for Graffiti have helped me begin to think about what God has for me to do in my life. While I am still working on resolving this, I know that God will help me forgive my parents. I know that none of my childhood was “my fault,” and that God has had His protective hand on me through lots of dangerous moments. I am finishing up high school now, and am looking toward college and a career in the Salvation Army. I want to be able to help kids who had a rough start, like I did. I also attend youth group at Graffiti, and have found some peers who believe in being a real Christian, just like I do. 24
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Anonymous
I was 15 years old when I came home from school one day and discovered that Moms (this is what I called my mother) had moved out with my twin sister and younger brother. The apartment was totally abandoned with the exception of my brother’s father and the family cat. I felt like my whole world had crashed. It was tough, but I was determined to survive. God kept me alive through all kinds of terrible experiences, many of which were dark and unhealthy. I knew it wasn’t the right life for a teenager, but I only had the resources I found around me. Let’s just skip how I made it through that difficult time in my life and get to where I found the Lord. By the time I was 20, I was living in a squatters house in Harlem (a “squat” is an abandoned building that people occupy illegally). The people there were in bad shape. I was in bad shape. It had been maybe six days since I had last slept. I was sitting on the steps in front of the house waiting for my “boyfriend” to come back with some crack cocaine and maybe some food. After three days of waiting, I came to realize that this really wasn’t the life I wanted to be in anymore. After two hours of cursing life, family, and men, I heard my grandma’s voice in my head saying, “Pray on it, Baby Girl. Give it to the Lord.” So, here was my first prayer, ever (but not the last!): “Lord, I hope that you can hear me from my heart. Please forgive me for all of the sins that I have been swimming in for the last 5 years. Lord, I am tired! Tired of living like this, like an animal. There’s no flowing water in this building. I am using a bucket as a commode. I haven’t bathed in a week. I am starving for food and I am alone. I need your help. Please let the next man that I depend on be a man of God. Let him be a man that truly loves Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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and cares for me. Let him be sober, drug-free, a working man, and a man that stays with me. Lord, I need to know that there is a man out there who won’t abuse or neglect me. From this moment forth, I will keep You in my life and heart. Amen.”
Within the next 3 years, the Lord gave me exactly what I had prayed for. I met a man who fit my prayer. We fell in love. He married me. My husband was a believer and was better to me than I could have ever imagined. I was able to be restored, to be a better person, and I kept my promise—God stayed in my life and heart. In addition, God granted me a few more blessings I had not anticipated—my son and daughter. I won’t say that life during the last dozen years or so hasn’t had its ups and downs, but since God became part of my world, I have been up a lot longer than down. Again, I am blessed with a wonderful son and daughter. Neither of them has taken the path of drugs and alcohol that was so damaging to me. I can celebrate 25 years of being clean from drugs. I am “happily widowed.” I haven’t found another man like my husband, and am content not to be looking. I am depending on God now. I have been residing in the same apartment for 20 years. God has helped me to reconnect with and establish my relationship with Moms and my twin sister. Most importantly, I have been able to maintain my relationship with the Lord through the ins and outs of my life. Because of the ministries at Graffiti, I was able to plug in to a bigger family—a church family—where my kids could come and be blessed. For the past 6 years, I have worked at Graffiti in their adult ministries. It is great the way that God can use me to help people who are in some of the same troubles I found myself in so many years ago. In summary, I believe that the Lord kept me through all of those dark times, so that I could testify about overcoming them to others. There is no way to know which of the people in our ministries I have helped through my experiences. But, I can honestly say that I was able to be there for my son and daughter to help keep them out of the shadows. I certainly don’t consider myself to be any kind of saint, but I am a saved and holy child of God. I think of myself as a “recovering fallen person” who truly believes that there is a God and that He is always there to lift me up. God’s family is making the difference for me as I guide my family in their faith. 26
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Bruce
I was born into a middle-class home in New Jersey with three brothers, my mom, and my dad. It should have been a stable, suburban life, but there was a problem. Both of our parents were drinkers. So, my brothers and I often went hungry, not because of a lack of money, but because of a lack of attention on the part of my parents. They were drunk or passed out. As early as first grade, I began to see that there was something wrong with my home life. The teachers began to ask me where my lunch was, or why my clothes weren’t on right, or clean. I could tell that several of the teachers were discussing me with each other. One time they asked me where my mom had been that morning while I was getting ready for school. All I could say was, “She’s sleeping.” In actuality, she was passed out from drinking the night before. I do have some good memories. I was more quiet and shy than my brothers. I remember one Christmas when I got a little movie projector and some movie discs. My brothers were good about not teasing me when I wanted to play inside rather than go out and shoot hoops or play baseball. No one put me down when I set up my imaginary world and played with dolls or some toy I had seen on TV. There was a really tough Christmas that I remember, though, when an aunt visited us. She was in a wheelchair, and another relative always had to drive her over. As he dropped my aunt off at our house, the driver handed my mother some Christmas cards for each of us children. The cards had money in them for us to use for Christmas. We never saw them. My mother took the money out and threw the cards away. I remember my aunt said, “Your mother doesn’t even want you to enjoy Christmas.” More things like this happened as I grew up in that household. Mother would steal my paper route money. Or, if I collected for a charity, the money would disappear. It wasn’t very long before I began to have Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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serious doubts about trusting anybody. The adults in my life then certainly weren’t trustworthy. With the alcohol that was involved, it meant that there was also lots of drama and violence in our house. Being more sensitive and shy meant that I withdrew even more into my own world. I felt unsafe in my own home. Finally, I had to leave. I went to New York City to try and find some way that I could survive. My history had taught me not ever to trust anyone. My experiences on the street and in homeless shelters reinforced that. I was raped and abused in the shelters, being so young. It was the worst time in my life. But, ironically, God used that time to begin to get me back into His world. I went to a rape counselor provided by the shelter system. My turnaround was not because she was such a good counselor, but because she was such a bad one! Really bad! She didn’t listen to me at all, and she took my issues very lightly. At that point, I told myself, I am stronger than this! I will survive this session. I turned to her and said, “You are the one who needs the help.” I began to stick up for myself and feel like I was more valuable than the world had taught me I was. It was still a long road to knowing God personally. I continued to be homeless on and off, and that experience was very dark. I was not really too sure about God much of the time. Once, in Tompkins Square Park (the park near Graffiti), a pastor (Pastor Taylor) stopped and prayed with me. As he prayed, I felt a sense of lightness and hope. I thought a lot about what that might mean. Seven years later, I found myself in that same neighborhood. That same pastor was out on the street, inviting people into the church for a meal. I thought, Why not? The people were friendly, and I didn’t feel like I was a stranger or different. That pastor, Pastor Taylor, even took the time to make a phone call for me about my housing needs. It was a call that I had been dreading, and he did it so easily. In a time when I felt really vulnerable to everyone, someone had helped me out on “my side.” That lightness and hope began to spread. I began to come to Graffiti fellowship meal more regularly. It was the fellowship part that I was so longing for—to feel safe and loved. Pastor Taylor kept telling me that God loved me. I had always wanted a relationship with God; it was just that no one had ever told me who He is. I had known that there must be more to life than just pain and searching. Finally, I prayed to Jesus that He come in and be part of my life. 28
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I still have struggles. I still have problems with relationships and with trusting people. But, I am sure about God loving me, and I try and trust Him more and more. I hear some people say, “I don’t need the fellowship of other people. I can make it on my own.” But, I know that life is so much better in a faith family that loves you and cares for you. I don’t want to “make it on my own.” I need both, faith and fellowship. I work at Graffiti’s fellowship meal now, every Wednesday. I get to be the greeter, welcoming people in to have a meal. I am so happy that God gave me this as my ministry. I know exactly what it feels like to be on the “outside.” I hope I am able to represent God’s love to someone who was like me, unable to trust or know God. I pray for them to find a faith family like I have.
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Rita
I grew up the youngest of eight children in an Irish American family in Hudson County, New Jersey. Neither of my parents graduated from high school. My father served in the navy in World War II. He then was a roofer, local policeman, and, by the time I was born he had built a thriving local window washing/floor waxing business in town. The area I grew up in had a history of industries as the main employment. Cloth mills, linoleum factories, tool factories, steel mills, and many others were the foundation of the town’s character. This town of 40,000 was close to New York City (just across the Hudson River), and is one of the most densely populated counties in the whole US. As part of a fairly typical-sized Irish American family, I have five brothers and two sisters. There are 13 years between the oldest and myself (the youngest). Before I was born, my dad was a heavy drinker. He got sober through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) when my mom was pregnant with their sixth child. According to my mom, she threatened to leave him if the drinking did not stop. She admits now that she was bluffing. Given that we lived in such a small town, he couldn’t face the shame, so he sought treatment. The steps in AA worked for him, and he stopped drinking. My oldest brother entered the Vietnam War like a lot of poor kids at the time—he was choosing the army over jail time. His heroin addiction only increased in the jungles of Vietnam. My brother next in line was number one on the draft list, so to avoid the army, he joined the air force and served in southern New Jersey, avoiding war because he suffered from asthma. He was my only brother to graduate from high school. The youngest of my brothers began to show signs of some kind of developmental trouble at an early age. At the time, there was no “special education” in the public schools (46 years ago). My father sought counsel and determined the only way he could get the best care was to send him 30
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to a residential program called Green Chimneys. It subsequently became a child welfare and social services agency, allowing all children to attend tuition-free. Then, for his high school years, he attended George Junior Republic residential school in Freedom, New York. I mention this because, although my parents had hoped to offer my brother a viable, healthy option to address his behavioral problems, he saw it as being “shipped” away from his brothers and sisters. He was never able to forgive my parents, especially my mother. I spent my childhood driving two to three hours one way upstate every other weekend to visit him. His diagnosis was never discussed, although as an adult I learned he was prescribed Ritalin (most likely for ADD or ADHD). For him, that Ritalin was a gateway drug to cocaine and later opiates. My brother got on methadone in his late teens and was still on it when he died in his early 50s. He also drank from his early teens until he died. Each of my brothers drank and drugged problematically. Two have since died as the result of their addictions. The remaining three have obtained sobriety via AA. Although not much of a joiner, my father was very proud of his involvement in the Masons (being their organist) and enjoyed it very much. He also had a renewed sense of his relationship with Christ through the gospel message in Rick Warren’s, The Purpose Driven Life. Where I grew up and the events from my family life shadowed my memories of my youth. I suppose those were the toughest parts of growing up for me. Being known by my family name didn’t invoke great responses from those in town. My brothers were “troublemakers,” so coming along after them made it difficult for me to really establish my own identity. In school, the teachers had preconceived notions about me before they even met me. That may have added to my desire to be an A student—just to prove them wrong. When my mother asked if I wanted to go to high school somewhere other than the local public high school, I was relieved. For the first time, I could break away from my family. I traveled 15 miles by public bus (45 to 60 minutes each way) to get to a whole different world—an all-girls Catholic preparatory high school on a 21-acre campus in the suburbs. The school included a grammar school, convent, infirmary, and college. I suppose attending that high school was the highlight of my childhood, especially my junior year trip to Germany, Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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Austria, and Switzerland. That trip was a life-changer for me. It changed my perspective and shaped my worldview. Struggling to navigate the language gave me empathy for immigrants here in the States. For the first time, I knew what it was like to be in the minority. So my family was my foundation. But, as I grew up, there were very different directions I wanted to go that I knew would not be approved of by my family. As I entered college, and was confronted with lots of other ideas and ways of thinking, I began to try and understand the hurts and holes that had been part of my life so far. The biggest struggle in my life was breaking away from my family. Detaching from my family did not happen in a natural way. I was such an angry college student. I believe I acted out my anger by behaving in ways I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of. I dated men my parents didn’t like—either because of their heavy drinking, small-town mentality, or because they were not Irish. I didn’t know God at the time, and I so struggled to deal with my emotions. The effects of my brothers’ behaviors left me feeling ignored and not cared for by my parents. I felt like they were so preoccupied with the chaos my brothers created, that they didn’t have time to meet my needs. Yet, initially, I was striving to be “perfect” and get their attention by being “good.” When that didn’t produce the reaction I wanted, I became angry and “flipped” to being difficult myself. As I look back, I can clearly see the threads of God’s care over me, even during my most difficult times. I was introduced to God in my Catholic high school, especially on prayer retreats. I became friends with a young student teacher who grew up near my hometown, who was a Dominican novitiate (studying to become a nun). Through our friendship, I was introduced to Scripture. After college, doing religious volunteer work, I was exposed to Catholic young adults who were committed to living out their faith. When the gospel was presented to me, I accepted without hesitation. When I returned to the New York City area, after a year in Yakima, Washington, I sought out Christian fellowship. I was invited to a Southern Baptist church and got baptized on Easter Sunday. Finding Christian fellowship was like soothing balm to wounded bones. It was a corrective experience for me. The integrity, honesty, decency, and faith of those I met began to heal my soul. My bitterness, hurt, cynicism, rebellion, and sinfulness began to be revealed and I sought answers in God’s teachings. 32
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There were still some rocky patches in the road for me. At 21, I went on a college trip to Washington, D.C., and used it as an opportunity to stay with a boy I had met. My parents were so upset, they told me not to come home. They packed up my belongings and put them on the front porch for me to pick up. At that point, I left and didn’t go home for several years. Twelve years later, I chose to marry someone my parents didn’t accept, and didn’t speak to them for 5 years. During both of those periods of disconnect from my parents, I was so depressed I thought about killing myself. In both instances, I was drawn closer to God instead. The first incident led to my accepting Christ. I got my own apartment, graduated from college, and did a year of volunteer work with a Catholic organization (Jesuit Volunteer Corps). At the conclusion of that year of service, I attended a Catholic charismatic prayer service. I knew at that point God was real, and that He had a place for me. I took that opportunity to make a real commitment, and began a personal relationship with Christ. The second incident led me to rededicate my life to Christ. The break with my parents resolved itself by my separating from my husband only 10 months after we married. I took the disruption in my life as a time to start graduate school. Through fellowship there, and reconnecting with Graffiti and worship, I recommitted my life to Christ. Through my pastor and the prayers and advice from my church family, I sought reconciliation with my husband, though we finally divorced after 7 years of marriage. I have learned that a lot of tough circumstances are human-made. I also have experienced that I can find a lot of support from others who are going through similar circumstances if I just seek them out. The hardest area of my life: I had to learn to trust God about my relationships. Once I truly committed myself—all of myself—to God, He began to heal me. He began to take away the need for me to be validated by men. I had been promiscuous because I wanted to be loved and comforted. Once I accepted that God loves me, and let Him comfort me, I didn’t need to act out sexually any longer. In conclusion, having grown up in a family riddled with addiction taught me to be empathetic, compassionate, and caring. My desire to help my brothers as I saw them suffering led me to work in social services. Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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My experience working in social services with addicts, homeless, formerly incarcerated, and mentally and physically ill adults earned me respect and credibility with others. When it came time for someone to step up and help my wayward teenage niece, my family and work experiences served me well. I was able to relate to her in a way no one else in my family could. Being exposed to numerous social service agencies through my work gave me some preparation for dealing with the Administration for Children’s Services, as a second niece went into the foster-care system. Being a kinship foster mother, then an adoptive mother for the last 7 years has deepened my faith in ways I could never have imagined. Seeing God work in the lives of my nieces has been nothing short of miraculous. I’ve seen God’s hand touch so many lives as the result of these two orphaned girls. The joy in their hearts, their humor, compassion, and desire to please and to love and be loved is extraordinary. I could never repay either of them for how much they have taught me so far.
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Amanda
I was brought up in a small town in Arkansas called White Hall. I lived there most of my life. We were a middle-class family, and my father worked for the government. His job afforded him with some travel expenses, and I was able to experience other states and cities, but never the Big Apple. I loved growing up in a family that loved the Lord and taught me His ways. We did a lot of family things together like camping and fishing. I have one sister who is 22 months older than me, who also loved to camp and fish. The only thing that was hard was when I was 14. I found out that I had a brother, and that my dad had been married twice before marrying my mom. This was very difficult for my sister and me because we thought we had the perfect family life. We eventually met our brother. During the last years of my father’s life, my brother and father had a wonderful relationship. My brother to this day has a good relationship with my sister and me. I have had several struggles in my life. I was not the good “Christian� that a lot of people thought I was. I was very disobedient to the Lord. I married my first love, but not my only love, which caused a lot of difficult times for me. I was 19 when I married and 21 when I had my first child. My husband was in the military, and we lived in Rosepine, Louisiana. Before my son was born, we moved back to our hometown of White Hall. Our son was born February 14, 1978. In July after he was born, my husband and I decided to go to college. While attending college, we began having problems in our marriage. I found out I was going to have another child. Our problems became worse, so we separated. Eventually we were reunited, had another child, and stayed married for a total of 22 years, then divorced. After divorcing, I prayed that the Lord would lead me to the one He Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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wanted me to marry. There was a man in our church I had known for probably 20 years. He had also been divorced from a long-term marriage. We began to date and I could write my own book on the love that this man showed me. We had so many spiritual things in common. After dating for a year and a half, we married. My family was thrilled. My three children knew him from church when they were young and all loved him. He made a great stepfather to them. After we married, we moved to northeast Arkansas to a small town called Crawfordsville. Population: 514. My husband believed that he was being called to do ministry work. He began to pray the prayer of Jabez and used this as his purpose in life: “To maximize the power and the gospel of God in me and in others around me.” As he was working on his ministry, I received a call to work as a collegiate minister at a community college in Forrest City, Arkansas. Oh my, how the Lord does work! I didn’t have a college degree, and yet the Lord put me in the middle of working with college students and I loved it. Mark (my husband) was working road construction and continued to pray about what the Lord wanted him to do. Soon we received a call that gave Mark the opportunity to serve as a local missionary for our association and at our church. We were both selffunded, but trusted that if the Lord called He would provide. And He did. After a couple of years living in Crawfordsville, we moved back to my hometown of White Hall. Mark began working in our local church in several different capacities. I eventually began working at the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff in collegiate ministry. I loved (again) that the Lord had given me a position working with students. I stayed there for 2 ½ years, and then worked as a missionary consultant for a year. After Mark worked for the church a year, the Arkansas Baptist State Convention asked him to work with them as the missions project coordinator. We did a lot of speaking at meetings and met a lot of people. One day, we were at a meeting and saw a lady that told us that the North American Mission Board was looking for a couple to manage a mission house in New York City. We laughed and said we would pray about it and see where the Lord led. We had visited New York City once on a missions trip to Connecticut, and Mark had stood in the middle of Times Square and said, “Man, would I love to do ministry here.” Watch what you say; it may happen. We arranged to visit with the North American Mission Board, and 36
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soon we were making plans to move to New York City. We were both excited to see what the Lord had in store for us. On July 4, 2008, we pulled in to our new home at 691 5th Avenue, Brooklyn, New York. We loved working there. The Lord blessed us in so many ways. We managed and connected groups from all over the US and other parts of the world. They would stay with us in our 50-bed mission house and work in the city with local churches and organizations helping people. I was so amazed at the works of the Lord. We trusted in the Lord for everything. We were self-funded and knew that the only way to make it in New York was through the Lord. We also worked with our association, the Metropolitan New York Baptist Association. We saw the Lord working in so many ways. Our association building was in Manhattan and we lived in Brooklyn, about 45 minutes away by subway. The association had a large building that needed a lot of work. After we had been in New York City for a little over a year, our association got a new director. My husband met with him and told him his ideas for converting part of the building into a place to house missions teams. He agreed, and Mark and I began working on the building. We traveled from Brooklyn to Manhattan almost every day for a year. During this time, I began working with the collegiate minister for Columbia University. I worked for her, teaching an English as second language (ESL) group through the ministry. How blessed I was and still am by my relationships and interacting with the students. This was where our relationship with Graffiti began to grow. We had been associated with the church through the association but never knew how the church interacted with people. We then moved into the association building in Manhattan on 72nd Street, and this became our new home. We began bringing in missions teams that would do major renovations for the rooms that would be housing teams. How exciting it was to see the changes taking place. The prayer of Jabez had been answered! The Lord had moved us from a town of 514 people to live in one of the largest cities in America. In June of 2010, I needed to make a trip back to Arkansas to be with my mom while she had gallbladder surgery. While there, I also had a gallbladder attack, and they placed me in the hospital to also have gallbladder surgery. Mark flew down to be with me while I had my surgery, then he Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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went back to New York City. We had visited Arkansas only a few months before and Mark had had some tests run, because he wasn’t feeling well. Those tests came back OK. My niece came to stay with my mom, and I went back to New York City. When I returned, Mark was not feeling well at all. His stomach had begun to swell, but he didn’t seem worried. He always trusted in the Lord and didn’t seem to worry about anything, and I mean anything. He was laid back, easygoing, and had a childlike faith that taught me how to live and enjoy life. We didn’t have insurance, so I began searching for a place to take him to be checked. In August, we finally found a doctor who told Mark that he needed to go to the hospital. Once at the hospital, the doctor told us that they were pretty sure Mark had cancer and that it was in its last stages. The first thing Mark said to me was, “Well, babe, looks like I’m going to heaven.” This is where that part of our journey began. Here is Mark’s testimony he shared October 2010: On Wednesday the 11th I had a colonoscopy. They went in about 17 cm and found a blockage. My stomach area had a massive amount of fluid in it. Later that afternoon the doctor came into our room and told us that he was sure I had colon cancer and, because of the fluid, it for sure had spread to my liver and kidneys. I told Amanda it looks like I was going home to be with Jesus. On Tuesday the 17th they decided to do surgery on me and remove my colon and then hook up my small intestine to my rectum area. This surgery did not work either. When they opened me up they discovered that I had what they called a mesh of tumors all around my colon and on part of my small intestine, making it very difficult to remove anything from my body. They decided to put in an ileostomy, and a colostomy, sucked out the remaining fluid from my abdomen and colon. Over 6 liters. Then closed me back up. Then the surgeon told my wife that they could make me comfortable for 6 months with chemotherapy. I was thinking that I was ready to go home to heaven to be with my Lord. On the 18th I got a word from God around 8:00 a.m. An African nurse from Ghana, whose name was Mercy, came into 38
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my hospital room and told me she had been praying for me. She was telling me that God was not finished with me yet, and that I was going to be healed. As she spoke, prayed, prophesied, and proclaimed the power and love of God to me for that hour, I could feel the presence of the Lord there. Then, as God’s angel of mercy was speaking to me, I looked deep into her eyes and I saw God looking back at me. He said to me, “You get up out of that bed. I am not finished with you yet. If you believe that I will heal, you need to proclaim this.” He said many other things to me that encouraged and strengthened my soul. On Wednesday the 18th of August, my life changed from believing that I would die and go home to heaven, to believing God’s miracle in my life, and continuing His work here on earth. The next day, Thursday the 19th, Amanda started to fast and seek God’s guidance for our life. Later that day, the chemotherapy doctor came in and wanted us to start chemo soon. I didn’t have a good feeling about this, and Amanda told the doctor that she was going to send our records to a cancer institute in Kansas City to get a second opinion. The doctor left, only to come back around an hour later with a consent form in her hand, wanting me to let them start chemo that day. I told her that I would not sign anything without talking to my wife first. God spoke to me and clearly impressed in my heart: no chemo.
While God had continued to use medical procedures in our lives, as part of His methods to bring healing, this is what Mark heard for his situation at that time. On August 25, Mark was dismissed from the hospital. We had one more bad episode when he had a stomach virus and was admitted to the hospital. After that, he became much stronger. Our apartment was on the sixth floor. We had an elevator, but Mark would walk up the steps just because he could. Mark and I had attended several churches during our time in New York City. One of our first friends in Brooklyn pastored a church and I Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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worked with his wife teaching a Bible study in the women’s shelter in Park Slope. We were very close to them and loved the people and became close to many of them. When we moved to Manhattan, we found our church home, Graffiti Church. This was a place where we felt like we were back in the city of Crawfordsville, population 514. The atmosphere was amazing. The people were amazing and the pastor was a “pastor” to us. Many people in the association began praying for Mark. Graffiti was a blessing to us because we saw people just like us, with struggles and trials that were God-sized, and everyone knew that only He could heal us in so many ways. One incredible thing had happened to me during this time. When I had my surgery in June (before Mark was diagnosed) they placed a stent in me and told me I had to have it removed in six to eight weeks. When the time came, there was no way that we would be able to go back to Arkansas, since Mark was in the hospital. I had to call and cancel. A few months after Mark was out of the hospital, we made plans to go back to Arkansas, not only to have my stent removed but also for Mark to speak about what God was doing in his life. The week before we left I began to hurt. I knew that it was from the stent. There is a healing team that prays for people at Graffiti, so I asked someone on the team to lay hands on me where I was hurting, and pray that the Lord would take away the pain. The pain did not leave right then, but the next morning I was no longer hurting. When Mark and I got to Arkansas, and they took me to surgery, they x-rayed me and told me the stent was not there. I was so excited and told the doctor that he needed to go in the waiting room and talk to Mark and hear his story, which he did. I was praising the Lord for the prayers of Graffiti and the love of the Lord for me. We had traveled to many churches and had spoken about God’s love for us and knew God had a purpose in all of this. We also took a trip to Disney World with our daughter and her family and were amazed at how wonderful Mark did on the trip. Mark continued his work with the association and we began housing more teams. God allowed us to see this ministry grow. We began praying about what the Lord wanted us to do next. My mom was 88 and really needed me to come home to help her, but we wanted to know that this was where the Lord wanted us. My mom always told me that she would never inter40
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fere with what God had called us to do. We just continued to pray. In December, Mark wrote this: “God told me that He was not finished with me, and to get out of that death bed. So I put my hope in God to see me through this. With all the cancer left inside me. With no chemo treatments, and taking no medications, we believe God has healed me. Today I weigh 172 pounds, my voice is strong, and I walk for miles at a time. God gives us hope when there seems to be no hope. PRAISE THE LORD GOD!!!”
That Christmas we took a train to Montauk on Long Island for my dream vacation at Montauk Manor. We had a wonderful time and were amazed at God’s presence. What a blessing to experience His hope. Then in February when our sixth grandchild was born—that Mark wasn’t supposed to live long enough to see—Mark was there. He made a video about this milestone in his life. We were still praying about what the Lord wanted us to do. Then one day, we knew that the Lord was directing us back to Arkansas. The saddest part about leaving the city was leaving our family that was there at Graffiti, and our friends that we had made in Brooklyn. Pastor Taylor had spent many hours praying for us and with us. Mark and I taught a Sunday School class that we loved and God had shown His love to us in so many ways. Leaving was going to be sad. The last Sunday in April, Mark spoke at Graffiti about all God had done for us and how blessed we were to be a part of this church that loved us and prayed for us. When we moved back to Arkansas in May of 2011, Mark’s health took another turn. It was strange to me. Mark had driven just about the whole trip from New York City to Arkansas. When we got to White Hall, Mark and our associational missionary began making plans for Mark’s new journey with them. In June, Mark’s health decreased. We saw a doctor and the doctors told us that there was not anything they could do. We continued to trust God and know He had a plan. My plan was never to have to say it, but on November 26 Mark went to see the Lord. In December, my son and youngest daughter and I returned for a memorial service that Graffiti did for Mark. What a blessing to see my Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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friends and know that this family of Christ cared enough for us to share love in this service. Mark loved them all, and loved serving with them all. I praise the Lord for Graffiti! I am thankful for all the love that was shown and is still shown to me as I continue to serve Him. I am thankful for Pastor Taylor and his wife for being not only my pastor but my friends. I have seen the love of the Lord pour out of both of them in so many ways. I love them still. I continue to pray where to go in my journey. You never know. Maybe someday back to my family at Graffiti!
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Mary
I grew up on a small farm in Alabama. I had three siblings and when we were not in school, we worked the farm. I also grew up in church, which I am very thankful for. I became a believer at the age of 6 and I do not know how I would have made it growing up without the Lord in my life. To call my family dysfunctional would be a compliment. I was very close to my older brother. When he passed away unexpectedly when I was 18, I was devastated. Many hard things happened after his death, but the Lord was my strength, and with Him I made it through the difficult times. While losing my brother and growing up in the circumstances I grew up in were hard, it made me understand that it was the Lord who got me through. He never left me. He is my shelter, strength, and refuge. After college, I moved to New York City to work at Graffiti. It was definitely God who brought me there. I was just a farm girl from Alabama, but I fell in love with New York City the moment I got off the airplane. Living on the Lower East Side and working at Graffiti was what I was meant to do, or as Pastor Taylor would say, “It made my heart sing!” Graffiti and all the children and people I worked with have been and are my family. Nothing brought me greater joy than working with the children, or standing at the door on Wednesday night, or the famous Sunday night Bible studies, or giving out tickets to 200-plus people at FLIP (Free Lunch in the Park). I love Graffiti and the people there. While life has brought many challenges and difficulties, it has brought much more joy and happiness. I love Psalm 23, and my favorite verse is at the beginning, “The Lord is my shepherd.” That sums it all up. I am one of His sheep (and not the brightest one either), but He cares for me. When I stray, He comes after me, When I am about to slip and fall, He does not hesitate to use His rod. He provides all I need and He takes care of me. He is my Shepherd! Upside-Down Relations: Finding Famil y
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