MASCULINITY by Design Finding True North
Workbook
James W. Bradford with Mindy Bradford
Birmingham, Alabama
Masculinity by Design: Workbook
Iron Stream
An imprint of Iron Stream Media
100 Missionary Ridge Birmingham, AL 35242
IronStreamMedia.com
Copyright © 2023 by James W. Bradford and Mindy Bradford
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Scripture quotations unless otherwise noted are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Ofce by Biblica, Inc.™
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Cover design by Michelle Kenny
1 2 3 4 5—27 26 25 24 23
Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.”
—John 14:8–9
v CONTENTS Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . vii SeSSion 1: Design Misrepresented 1 The Crossroads . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 A Fork in the Road . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 God the Father Shows Himself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 SeSSion 2: Design Modeled (Part 1) 17 Get M.A.D., Stay M.A.D. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 M—Modeling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Modeling Provision . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 SeSSion 3: Design Modeled (Part 2) 31 Modeling Peace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 Modeling Healing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 SeSSion 4: Designed Identity (Part 1) 45 A—Afrmation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 False Identities . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 Identities of Desire—Approval Syndrome . . . . . . . . . 54
vi Masculinity by Design SeSSion 5: Designed Identity (Part 2) 59 Identities of Desire—Success-Driven Syndrome . . . . . . 61 Identities of Worth—Martyr Syndrome . . . . . . . . . . 66 Identities of Worth—Unworthy Syndrome . . . . . . . . . 69 SeSSion 6: Designed for Discipline 73 D—Discipline . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75 Setting Parental Boundaries . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80 SeSSion 7: Designed for Christ 85 The Perfect Wife . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87 Designed to Be Monogamous . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 92 Designed to Be Intimate. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95 Designed to Rule and Reign Together . . . . . . . . . . . 97 SeSSion 8: Designed to Be a Disciple 101 Discipleship Starts N.O.W. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103 N—Never Fight with Gravity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106 O—Own Your Decisions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108 W—Win the Day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112
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Two Main Issues
First, who do you understand God to be? Write a brief description of God and how you relate to Him right now
From this, would you say that you see God as He is revealed in Scripture or as you want Him to be?
Second, what are the primary factors that have shaped and defned your view of manhood?
Our lives all represent a story we are trying to write. Our guide in this study of Masculinity by Design is God’s Word. In the Bible we meet men from all kinds of backgrounds, strengths and weaknesses, and abilities. We see Moses, who was a great leader yet not a confdent speaker; David, who was a man after God’s heart but who committed a great sin; Peter, who spoke boldly for Jesus yet denied Him before the cross. We all have places where we are devoted to the Lord and believe as we should, but we also all are broken with faws. We need the Lord both for eternity and for every day.
As you read the frst three chapters you saw how I had some abilities and strengths, but I also had brokenness. In my case, a father wound was a deep place of hurt. You may or may not identify with me here, but no doubt you can see both strengths and struggles in your life.
Answer the following honestly and earnestly
1. We all learn from the stories of others as well as our own story. In what ways is your story similar to mine? How does your journey difer?
The Crossroads 5
2. What are two to three of your strongest qualities?
3. What is one or more area(s) in your life where you struggle to be vulnerable?
4. At this point, which word best describes where you are emotionally?
A. Healthy
B. Tired
C. Dry
D. Confused
E. Unstable or insecure
5. Which word best describes where you are physically?
A. Strong
B. Out of shape
C. Tired
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D. Getting stronger
E. Weak
6. Which of these most describes where you are spiritually?
A. Growing
B. Struggling with a few things
C. In a rut
D. Not sure
7. By the end of this journey through Masculinity by Design: Finding True North, where do you want to be spiritually? (Choose all that apply.)
A. I want to be stronger in my faith.
B. I want to have a deeper knowledge of God’s design for manhood.
C. I am already spiritually strong enough.
D. I desire to grow as a husband/father/man according to God’s design for men.
E. I’m not sure at this point/something else.
A Distorted View of God
In high school, the team joined together in the Lord’s Prayer after our practices and games. I was well aware of the concept of praying to God as Father. I knew Jesus taught us to pray this way, but I just couldn’t do it, without shutting down emotionally. Reciting the Lord’s Prayer as a group was easy because it was impersonal. Now that prayer
The Crossroads 7
had become real, I could not pray to the Father, because my earthly father ruled with an iron fst. His presence was violent and fearful. He was a ticking time bomb. My perception of fatherhood was tragically impacted and warped. This was a deep wound, and I call it the father wound. . . . Consequently, my subconscious mind created an image of fatherhood from those experiences. We naturally view God the Father through the prism of our earthly father. I transposed my biological father’s character and behaviors onto God the Father. What is your father wound? (p. 5)
Read Genesis 3
8. How did Adam demonstrate a distorted view of God and himself (see especially verses 6–12)?
We see in the First Adam traits we struggle with as sinful beings. He took the fruit from Eve, knowing he shouldn’t have done so. They had been unashamed of their nakedness; now they experienced guilt and shame, trying to make their own covering. They hid themselves from God and previous fellowship with Him. Then, Adam blamed Eve! He also blamed God when he said, “It was the woman you gave me.” When we don’t deal with guilt and shame, blame others rather than taking
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responsibility, and turn from God rather than running to Him when we sin, we try to fx things ourselves (like fg leaves) and follow a path other than that which God designed us for.
9. How do we see God’s grace in these verses (see especially verses 15 and 21)?
Genesis 3:15 is called the protoevangelium or frst gospel. God promises that though the serpent will bruise her son’s heel, that son (Jesus!) will crush his head. And Jesus did that on the cross! Furthermore, pointing to the cross, God clothed Adam and Eve with coverings of skin, which means there had to be the shedding of blood. This underscores the point that the work of redemption and restoration is a complete and total work done by God, for us.
Because none of us is without sin (Romans 3:23), we all have distorted views.
We are all broken in some way. All of us. Sometimes brokenness comes into our lives simply because we live in a fallen world afected by sin. We get cancer. We lose our job in an economic downturn. We struggle with mental health. Some things happen without a clear cause; we just live in a sinful world that brings pain.
The Crossroads 9
Sometimes we experience brokenness because of our own failure, bad choices, and personal sin. Sometimes we are broken because of the impact other people have on us. For me, my relationship with my father had a particularly bad impact. The good news is that, through Jesus, failure isn’t fnal and God can and will still use us for His glory.
10. Refect on the frst time you remember hearing about Jesus. What did you hear? Where were you? When did this happen? Who shared it with you?
Your Father and God the Father
11. Describe your earthly father’s character traits both positively and negatively. Which stands out more, the positive or negative?
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12. Describe your relationship with your earthly father and ways you tried to earn your father’s approval and acceptance.
If your father served as a good role model and showed encouragement, take time to thank God for this. If your father, like mine, failed in his role, thank God that He is the Father we all need and desire, and that He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalms 34:18).
A Distorted View of Manhood
When I was in third grade, I found the not-soprivate hiding place for pornography in our home, which happened to be tucked away in my bedroom. There were stacks of magazines available for regular viewing. As a child, I had no idea the damage I was doing by repeatedly viewing these pictures. (p. 10)
Science has now proved that pornography has a profound impact on the psyche of a man. It tends to return his brain to the juvenile state. As we all know, children throw fts when they
The Crossroads 11
do not get their way. They do not respond well to being told no and can be consumed with their own wants and needs.1
13. The average age of a child when they frst look at porn today is eleven. If you have ever been exposed to pornography, how old were you?
14. Has this been an ongoing issue in your life? Do you need help in this area?
A very helpful resource for you here is Tim Challies, Sexual Detox.
1 “Watching Pornography Rewires the Brain to a More Juvenile State,” Neuroscience News, December 29, 2019, https://neurosciencenews.com /neuroscience-pornography-brain-15354/.
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A FORK IN THE ROAD
In my teen years, I turned to athletics to fnd a sense of approval from others and my father. Before long, I discovered I excelled in sports. I developed a sense of identity around athleticism, popularity, bodybuilding, and powerlifting. This fed my need for approval from others. The false identity for true manhood had already taken root. The belief system that real men were athletic, promiscuous, and strong had a frm grip on my identity. (p. 10)
15. How would the nineteen-year-old you answer the question: “What is a real man?”
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16. How has your answer changed from then until now?
During my time in the army, I began to read the Bible, and I longed for a family. Not just any family, but a good family. Upon graduation from basic training, my frst duty station was in Germany. Shortly after I arrived, I met Chris Barton, a fellow soldier. We became best friends and training partners at the gym. The two of us were inseparable. He talked about his love and respect for his father in a way I had never before heard. I remember thinking that I hoped my children would someday talk about me that way because I knew I didn’t feel that way about my father. I wanted to do it diferently.
After serving for two years, we took a fourteenday leave to Texas to visit with Chris’s parents. Watching his dad interact with his mother was a huge culture shift for me. His dad was kind, gentle, uplifting, and treated Chris’s mother like a queen. Mr. Barton gave me the frst picture of the type of father and husband I wanted to become. (p. 13)
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