On the CoucH
&A
Q I
with
Chris Paige, LCSW
get the sentiment that ‘it takes a village’ when it comes to raising children, but my parents provide more criticism than actual support about how my husband and I are raising our kids. How do I tell them to stop offering this unsolicited advice without insulting them?
I
t’s important to clarify the difference between criticism and help. Do you think your parents are interested in helping or just armchair parenting? Is there any truth in what they are saying even though the message might not be delivered in a helpful way? I would affirm the importance of maintaining this relationship and listening to the village. You could say, “I am grateful you want to help. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable because the help is unsolicited, and it takes me by surprise. I want to hear your opinion and appreciate your love.” Additionally, I would ask them specifically to pitch in with your kids like possibly watching the kids for the weekend. By inviting them to spend more time with the kids, they can better understand each child’s individual needs and maybe gain some understanding of why you parent the way you do.
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