OPINION
Michigan Tech Lode
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
11
This feature is aimed at helping the Michigan Tech community with sex-related questions from both male and female student perspectives. Feel free to email us questions or comments at peaches.cream.mtu@gmail.com or submit them on our website (www.mtulode.com) under “Submit a News Tip.”
“When my girlfriend and I have sex, it never seems like I can satisfy her. She assures me that I’m lasting long enough, but I don’t see how that could be true. What can we do to make it great for both of us?”
Peach’s Perspective I’m glad that you’re concerned about pleasing your lady! Even if you aren’t driving her crazy now, the fact that you care to find opportunities for improvement is a sign that, with time and practice, you’ll be able to blow her mind. As a girl, I can tell you that sex isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Every once in a while it’s toe-curling and moan-inducing; occasionally it’s too quick, painful or so boring I’d rather be asleep; most of the time it falls between these extremes and is good in an everyday kind of way. For me, both the everyday sex and the toe-curling sex are satisfying. Just because your girlfriend isn’t having screaming orgasms or orgasms at all doesn’t mean she isn’t having a good time. I can also tell you that I’ve never lied about having an orgasm, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been honest about the quality of every experience. If your girlfriend made you a dinner and you didn’t like it very much, you’d probably choke it down with a smile and hope that she doesn’t ask how it was. When a guy asks how the sex was after it really wasn’t
good, women often feel obligated to lie to protect the guy’s ego. Instead of asking if the sex was bad, ask her what she thinks would make the sex even better. There’s always room for improvement, so asking this way is more constructive than having to admit or making her tell you that you’re not a stud all of the time. Hopefully she’ll give you some ideas to make the sex as good for her as it is for you, but you should have some ideas ready too, to start the conversation. The easiest way to make sex better for her is usually to dedicate more foreplay time to her pleasure. However, if you feel like you’re finishing too quickly, increasing foreplay time might get you even more excited. That method works if you can rebound quickly. However, if you need more ideas, look to the Internet, magazines or books. When I started having sex, my boyfriend and I bought "Supersex” by Tracey Cox. It really helped us learn about sex and about what we could do to make those toe-curling nights happen more frequently.
Cream’s Commentary Pleasing your woman isn’t always about how long intercourse lasts. Some of the hottest sex I have had has been over in less than fifteen minutes, leaving both of us satisfied and hardly able to move. I have also had sex for so long that my partner and I both decided it was time to give up and get some sleep. Lasting long and being passionate are completely different things. Being shy won’t get you far in the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes. When I am in a relationship, I usually ask my partner if she masturbates. If she does, she already knows what gets her going and can direct you accordingly. If she doesn’t, you may have a little more investigating to do. This gives you the opportunity to learn her body as she does, so try different things and ask what she likes if it isn’t apparent. Discovering new things about her body together will bring you together. If you are both comfortable with the idea, use a vibrator during foreplay. It will intensify the stimulation at her most sensitive areas. Once you know where she likes to be stimulated, you can get the reaction you are hoping for, which makes sex even more satisfying for both partners.
I have been with women that have claimed that they have never had an orgasm with a man. I take this as a personal challenge. It takes time to get to know your partner’s body and what works can be extremely different for every person, so don’t be intimidated if it doesn’t happen right away and don’t give up. Another thing to keep in mind is that a strong emotional connection helps create a strong physical connection. The sex that I have had while in a longterm relationship has always been better than in one-night stands and short relationships. That could have something to do with the long dry spells at Michigan Tech, but that’s a different story. The last bit of advice I can give you is to trust her. If she says that you are satisfying her, even if you aren’t necessarily seeing (or hearing) the desired results, then there is a good chance that you are satisfying her. If she is still sleeping with you, you have to be doing something right. Taking the compliment doesn’t mean it can’t get better, though. The best thing you can do is keep working at it. After all, practice makes perfect.
Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds asked 71 women between the ages of 18 and 48 a series of questions.
80%
Women faked about half the time they were unable to have an orgasm
25%
61%
Women who faked it at least once used “vocal acting”
36%
Men faked at least once
Men who did fake it at least once used “vocal acting”