Music
N O RT H BAY B O H E M I A N | MAY 9 –1 5, 2 0 1 2 | B O H E M I A N.COM
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FIX A FLAT Queen’s ‘Bicycle Race,’
released 34 years ago, needs replacing.
Off the Charts
Why are there no great bike anthems? BY GABE MELINE
Spreckels Perfo Performing P rming Arts Cent Center er
BOX B OX OFFICE 707 588-3400 5
SPRECKELSONLINE SPRECKELS O ONLINE .COM
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ou know what the world needs? I mean besides world peace and a ban on GMOs and the return of 960 KABL-AM and for Dick Cheney to spend the rest of his life in jail? The world needs more bike songs, dammit. I mean it. Ask anyone—hardcore cyclists, record store geeks, trivia hounds, DJs—to name a song about bikes. There will be a slight pause. “‘Bicycle Race’ by Queen,� they’ll say, and the conversation will end there. How can there be hundreds of kickass hit songs about cars but none about bikes? “Bicycle Race� wasn’t even a monster hit for Queen; it peaked at number 24 in the States, and served more as an excuse to sing about big asses on girls than as a genuine ode to bikes. It references Jaws and Peter Pan and John Wayne, weirdly. As Queen songs
go, it isn’t a standout. As bike songs go, it doesn’t deserve to be the most-cited answer to the ongoing riddle. Yes, there’s Kraftwerk’s “Tour de France.� This is supposed to be a bike song, except nobody can understand any of the whispered lyrics buried in the mix. It’s a concept. It’s an electrojingle. It’s not the “Born to Run� of bike songs. And then, sure, there are a ton of other bike songs by bands lesser-known or so obscure that most people have never heard of them. Japanese garage-pop trio Shonen Knife has “Cycling Is Fun.� Early Jamaican dancehall singer Early B has “Wheely Wheely.� A friend of mine once found a 45 by some Australian singer from the ’70s singing a dippy tune called “Bicycle Morning.� Oh, don’t give me “Bicycle Song� by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It’s utterly unlistenable. “Bike� by Pink Floyd may be an interesting example of LSD’s effect on Syd Barrett, but no one hearing it is going to strap on their Shimanos and get pumped for a day of riding. “Broken Bicycles� by Tom Waits: depressing, sad, not a party. “Midnight Bicycle Mystery� by Deerhoof: just plain strange. No offense to the above artists, many of whom I love, but let’s face it, all of these songs are useless in the quest for the ultimate bike anthem. That’s right: we need an anthem. Dear Coldplay or U2—or, better yet, Arcade Fire, whose fans probably actually ride bikes—please write a catchy, sing-along, jump-up-and-down, hook-laden summertime jam about the awesomeness of riding bikes. I promise it’ll be embraced by cyclists worldwide faster than Alberto Contador can break away from Andy Schleck with a broken bike chain in the Tour de France. Carrie Rodriguez, whose ‘Seven Angels on a Bicycle’ is very pretty, yes, but is also about a cyclist who gets hit by a car and dies, plays a free 6pm show on Thursday, May 10, at Courthouse Square in downtown Santa Rosa.