May/ June 2014
Be You. Uncompromised. 100%
http://goo.gl/bdyBON
This Issue’s Inspiration Comes From:
May/ June 2014
Publisher Get Jayne Consulting, LLC Editor Jayne Marie Smith Assistant Editor Harriett L. Smith Mahogany Jones Steve Johnson Writers Aseneth Parker Jaci Caprice Jason Roberts Jayne Marie Smith Mahogany Jones Matthew Sawyer Shanell Henry Timashion Jones Photographs by Abby O. Jonathan Coleman
May is the month we acknowledge mothers and June is set aside for fathers. We thought this double issue would be the perfect place to talk about family matters. Being a parent is full of hard choices, hard days, and hard lessons. It’s not just the child who is learning and growing. Still, there’s nothing more beautiful than the complicated relationships that parents share with their children. This month we celebrate that from both perspectives. The highs, the lows and the lessons of figuring out this life long relationship between daughters their moms and their dads.
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IDIOT BOX
Poem by Matthew “Lucky Lefty” Sawyer
Momma said stay away from the TV You’ll get nothing out of it Maria watches a lot of it Hardly ever stops to eat or even piss She’s like a living, walking, talking TV Guide The characters are what she wants to be in life
9-to-5
Fighter But see it goes deeper than that You’ve got to go to her hood and enter her shack You’ve got to With MICHELLE BONILLA consider the fact that Maria is a little Black Girl lost No Friends So, she looks to Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Ross So, no momma she can’t turn the TV off No dad to talk her troubles to So, obviously she watches the Cosby’s Her father is now a doctor named Heathcliff Huxtable And, yeah, he’s fake, but At least he’s in her home everyday And whenever he hugs Little Rudy He truly hugs them both.
No known cousins so she has to borrow them Little Ashley, Baby Nick, Hillary, and Carlton An Aunt Vivian and an Uncle Phil Said when she gets rich she wants to have a butler named Jeffery So I guess she will She’s a girl but still she can relate to Boy Meets World Living like a Savage Kid lives Will she remember The Wonder Years?
She loves her TV shows about Doctors It’s like ER whenever mother tells her to go scrub in the tub A different soap opera But the same General Hospital Pitiful Living out the Days of Our Lives and fears Maria knows we only got One Life to Live And she’s right The future is dim with no Guiding Light Scripted TV has become her reality Momma told her reality doesn’t always end in happiness
In fact It’s usually all bad when you fade to black And, yeah, I know it’s pathetic How far from real life Maria is getting But no one pays her any attention So for a better plot she has to change her setting Her mind is wasting from lack of appreciation But at least when her favorite TV show goes off It’ll give her merit For finally she’ll see some type of credit
What effect did having a daughter at the age of 13 have on you towards focusing on the importance of family? “My mom was very tough growing up. She had very high expectations. Education was very important in our house. I had Jasmine while in the 8th grade. I graduated at the top of my class. [My mom] had built a foundation of the importance of education and how that was going to allow you to be whatever you wanted to be. Without the support of my mother, Vivian Heard, it would not have been any way for me to have made it out. It’s part inside determination, but also family support.”
MAY IS TEEN PREGNANCY PREVENTION MONTH
What did you learn from your own story that helped you raise your daughter to succeed? “We are definitely a team. I think that in having Jasmine so young, she literally got a chance to see what all it takes to succeed. Jasmine has been through the complete struggle. She is such a humble child, and I think that is the result of her having to go through the struggle.”
Having your daughter right there going through the struggle with you, did you push yourself harder? “Absolutely. I didn’t have the option to give up or to quit, because I wasn’t just living for myself anymore. I know she is watching. Even when your kids aren’t saying anything, they’re watching. Society didn’t expect me to finish 8th grade, or to finish high school at 17. They didn’t expect me to go to The University of Michigan and finish at age 21 with two degrees. More importantly, they didn’t expect Jasmine to be successful either. She’s been playing the viola since 2nd grade, was in two orchestras, a member of the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, jazz ensemble, honor student, and recently accepted to MSU to start in the fall. So we’ve really defied the odds. I knew that me serving as a model to her was instrumental to her success. I knew that we were expected to fail, and I just couldn’t let that happen. For us, it was generational. My Great Grandmother, Grandmother, and Mother instilled in us greatness. So I come from a lineage of women who had to just do it!
How did you overcome the trials and tribulations you faced in your journey as a young mother? “Psalms 56:8. Those times when I was crying and I was frustrated, I always knew that it was temporary. I was educating myself, I stopped having sex at a young age, I had stopped smoking weed, I stopped drinking—I was focused. I said that I am going to have faith, and was going to be steadfast in my commitment for excellence. I just took it one day at a time. Your kids are going to be a part of your success. Giving her that foundation that says no matter what happens in your life, you always have God to build that strong foundation. It hasn’t always been sunshine and rainbows, but through the trials and tribulations —strength.
What advice would you give to a young lady who may be facing a difficult time in her life and unsure of what her future holds for success? “We all have cloudy moments, but having a good support system is vital. Align yourself with someone you admire—even if it is not your immediate family. They can help show you how to get there. I had mentors— people who were where I wanted to be. If you are the smartest person in your circle, then it’s time to get a new circle! Get rid of the pity-party. You got to love yourself! Instead of thinking what’s impossible, think impossible! If you do that, then there’s no way you can’t find the way out.” p
“Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” Psalms 56:8, KJV
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A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE
“It is now … this journey
[Excerpt from “Earthbound”]
By Aseneth Peek Parker The waters quietly flowed upon the beautifully white sparking beach on the southern shore of the Crystal Sea, and the great bright light to the north, which radiates throughout all of Heaven, glowed brilliantly for all to see. The sweet fragrance of praise gently wafted across the sea from all directions. As far as the eye could see, sparkly granules of diamond sand lay acting as a barrier preventing the sea from rushing high upon the shore.
“Hey, there!” Adrian distance. “Are you Adr looking for my ancest find them here.”
If anyone were ever allowed to visit the Southern Shore they would see Little Ones floating and running upon the sea. Little Ones appear as desires are being granted that would give birth to life on the planet called Earth.
“You’ve seen my paren
Joining Adrian the Little One, the King of all kings softly spoke to him, “It is now time for you to begin your journey to Earth. This is your journey to destiny.” With that, off they floated to the Island of Ancestors. “Where is this place my King?” Adrian asked. “This, Adrian, is the Island of ancestors. Here you will meet people of your lineage that once lived on Earth. They will answer any questions you have about your destination.”
“Wow! You sure look lady was smiling from asked. “Your father is gotten a good look at your mother too. ”
“Of course I’ve seen t Bowing down to shake to her and gave him th
After stepping back to again, she continued you first meet my mot okay?”
“How will I know her w
“Well, first of all, she you will know her be Silly.”
w time for you to begin your journey is your Writing the book Earthbound was therapeutic for me. In 2007, my daughter, to destiny” Kayla defeated her battle with cancer by
an heard a lady’s voice in the rian?” yelled the voice. “Yes I’m tors. The King told me I would
like my brother,” She said. The m ear to ear. “Your brother?” he s my brother, and now that I’ve t you, I see the resemblance to
nts?”
them! I’m your Auntie Kayla.” e his hand, she pulled him close he biggest hug.
o get a good look at him once d staring into his eyes. “When other, give her big smile for me,
when I see her?”
will be your grandmother, and ecause she looks just like me,
*****
transitioning from Earth to Heaven. The pain of grief moved me into a very different reality. For the following two years, I lived in an emotionally numb place. It was during that time that my son and daughter-in-law-and love were expecting a baby. I wish I could say I was excited to hear the news, but I wasn’t. The truth is I didn’t want anyone new in my life to love. Then one morning, my imagination took over. Suddenly, I created this scenario in which both my daughter and my grandson would meet one another. The question came to mind, what would they have said to one another during their brief time of meeting. I imagine she would have told him things to expect here on Earth, and he would have told her of things she would experience in Heaven. This is the premise of my book Earthbound. Writing about Kayla in Heaven enjoying the company of my mother, father, and ancestors brought me solace, but imagining her embracing Adrian brought me such joy and excitement in anticipation of my grandson’s arrival.
“Let me ask you… What do you think of your journey?” “I don’t know what to think,” He answered. “I’ve been feeling something was about to change for me for a while now. When the King told me about my journey, it all made sense to me.” “Are you excited? Because you should be. You are in store for a wonderful adventure.”
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Suddenly, Adrian noticed a large group of people running in their direction. Someone shouted, “Oh my, look at him!” Another shouted, “I’d know him in a heartbeat!” “Auntie Kayla, who are those people?” He asked. “They are your ancestors, Adrian.” “Will I meet my other ancestors on Earth?” Auntie Kayla smiled, “On Earth they are called family. These are family members that no longer live on Earth.” p
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WHAT SHE TAUGHT ME‌
It is often said that parenting comes with no instruction manual. Essentially, parents learn about parenting on the job. PURE Magazine wanted to see what parenting daughters has taught these moms and dads.
Photo Credit: Creative Hina She taught me: My passions and goals are now redefined because of her. Not to be forgotten or put on hold but shared with her, knowing one day she'll have her own. -Quileen Adams "I used to think that as a mom it was my job to show my kids what kind of people they should grow up to be, but I have learned so much more about the kind of person I should be from them!" - Bethany Overbee
She taught me the importance of time management and community. While my mind still operates as an entrepreneur, now [newborn Samantha] is the boss and‌ I'm learning to observe her habits and anticipate changes which helps me to feel more productive during my day. I love being a mother and I'm excited about my continued personal development now that I have a mini-me to mentor and raise. -N. Liberty White
WHAT SHE TAUGHT ME…
One thing you learn when you become a parent is that everyone has an opinion about how to raise your child. The reality is that your child is an individual who is going to teach you about parenting as much as you will teach her or him.
Being a mother gave me revelation of being God’s daughter. Sometimes, I have to take the bottle out of London’s mouth to put her in another position and every time she cries as if she’s not going to get it back which she always does. I looked at her and said “you don’t trust me yet.” God speaks to me through them. -Kim Pratt
Having been one of those women told over and over that I would never have children of my own. My girls have shown me that God has the final say! [My preteen] taught me no matter where you live or your background, you are your child’s biggest influence. They do exactly what you say and do, especially when you’re not around! Live your life as if they’re watching because believe me they are! – Latoya Smith
She taught me that true joy can come from seeing yourself smile. Be happy! –Amanda Vizzini
Interview with Writer- Director Tim Alexander
By Jayne Marie Smith
Much is said about how a father teaches his daughter how she should be treated by men. Very little is said, however, about how mothers teach their daughters how to treat men starting with her father. That is until the trailer for Diary of a Tired Black Man 2 debuted online.
Diary of a Tired Black Man screened in select theaters around the country seven years ago before going to DVD. As a 20-something year old, I had the chance to speak at length with screenwriter and producer, Tim Alexander about his message, motives, and first movie. Now, as he works to release not one but two follow up films to this series set 10 and 20 years in the future, I found myself interested in the development of the characters as well the implication and application for mothers and daughters. So, I reached out to Tim for another invigorating conversation.
Film is Rated R for language
THE BACKSTORY
WHAT KIND OF REACTION DID THE 1ST FILM GET? WHAT IS THE SEQUEL ABOUT?
Described by Tim as “basically a role reversal,” Tired Black Man tells the story of a good Black man named James (a minister, successful, helps around the house, etc.) who is dealing with his hostile ex-wife and a slew of equally angry women as he attempts to date. The film doesn’t pretend ex-wife Tonya is angry for no reason. On the contrary, it points to her upbringing and influences as the source of her hostility. In the second film, Tim explores how Tonya’s misshapen sentiment towards men is transferred to her 16 year old daughter, Lena. ***
“It drew some interesting reactions. A lot of women weren’t ready to see it from the other side. They said I made him too perfect. Nobody ever says that when a woman is being abused by a man in a movie. They also said that he must have done something to her to make her act like that. She wouldn’t just do that on her own. Again nobody ever says that about an abusive man.” “The women who saw that film who were more grounded looked at it at face value and said, ‘Yes, she was wrong. There are women like that. I know women like that [or] I’ve even been like that.’” *** “The second film is called Tired Black Man 2: Now Even More Tired. It goes on to show James has a new problem to deal with. His ex-wife is still giving him grief and his daughter is even worse,” explains Tim. In the divorce that preceded the first film, Tonya, who had been a stay at home mom, received full custody of then six year old Lena. For ten years, James paid child support, alimony, and all the bills while limited to seeing his daughter every other weekend. The snippet circulating online for TBM2 shows how Lena has adjusted to this arrangement. Let’s just say
after being told to ask her dad for money because he is “the bank,” Lena drives to her dad’s house and minus a greeting, requests money. The lack of respect she shows morphs into a showdown between the pair after she spews pejoratives at her father punctuated with expletives. ***
“How can a daughter know and learn how to respect a man if her mother doesn’t respect men and doesn’t respect her father? How can she see to do different?” Tim challenged when asked about the takeaway for moms. “She should look at herself and ask is she making the same mistakes Tonya made.” Stressing the importance of a father to a child’s development, he cautions there are two things women should determine to do. 1. Never sever a decent man from his child and never talk bad about a child’s father to the child because you’re mad at him.
WHAT CAN A MOM GLEAN FROM THE RELATIONSHIPS
IN THIS FILM?
[For moms who may feel this is easier said than done, TBM2 pretty much offers a mirror or a crystal ball view of what your conversation is creating in your home.] 2. Try to pick better men to create children with. Tim reasons, “If you lay down with inadequate men, you’re going to have an inadequate father for your child.” ***
While Tim’s opinions may make some bristle, they should also prompt reflection: “Fathers are the key to fixing all of the mess we’re going through in our relationships. When you’re raised by a good man you know what your position is and responsibilities are. You usually walk according to what you’re trained to be. If you’re not trained to be much. You’re not going to do much. How can a man lead when he was led by a woman all his life and she’s leading as a woman shouldering all the responsibility? He certainly doesn’t see it as his. That’s why men expect women to do everything and take care of everything, then when they fail, they just walk away with the mindset of ‘My mother raised me by herself, so she can raise my son and daughter by herself.’ ***
WHAT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF A FATHER IN RAISING HIS CHILDREN?
WHAT DOES RESPECT LOOK LIKE WHEN PARENTS ARE SEPARATED?
HOW DOES A GIRL WITH AN ANGRY MOM STOP THE PATTERN?
offer experience.
I asked Tim how he would suggest that a woman struggling with anger go about overcoming it. However, we both agreed that was a great question that does not have a simple answer, so instead, I these insights from Tim’s ***
Tim pointed to his relationship with his ex-wife and how they raise his twins as an example. They parent together with complete cooperation and equal custody. “We spend family time together, even though she’s engaged. It took both of us to make them and they need an equal dose of both of us to raise them.” He says they have “zero drama” with nothing bad to say about each other resulting in his boys having nearly no negative effects from the separation. Most importantly, they know they have two great parents. I prodded for more. How does one raise girls to have different attitudes toward men than their environment? His first response: “A strong God foundation.” He also said spend a lot of time with your kids so they don’t have time to spend with people they shouldn’t be with. And set their values. ***
How does a girl with an angry mom stop the cycle? “Learn from her mother’s mistakes and vow to never be like that,” Tim said. “Her parents still give a road map for the interaction between men and women, but she can learn from the negative things she wants to avoid as she grows into her maturity.” p Tim Alexander is also the host of a live call-in radio show called “What Would My Daddy Say” heard Thursdays at 5 PM PST on
http://latalklive.com/new/whatwouldmydaddysay
Reflections On The Song
”I’M SORRY” By Mahogany Jones
I was in second grade and I remember every afternoon after school being glued to Ralph McDaniel's Video Music Box and MTV to catch my favorite video- "Like a Virgin"! I loved me some Madonna. Laced gloves, long pearls and crosses- I knew I was Madonna's #1 fan. My mother at the time worked as a regional radio promoter for Warner Bros. Records, and happened to be working- guess who? MADONNA! For the East Coast leg of her first tour, Madonna was going to be at Madison Square Garden, and guess who's mother got them floor seats? This girl's! Joan Armond had scored big. She got me an outfit, and I was her roll dawg for the night. For two weeks straight, every conversation was about Madonna. Back when cassettes were in heavy rotation, I know I almost popped the tape on my Madonna album. I guess I got my Mom pretty revved up as well because she promised me she'd take me backstage with her so I could meet Madonna in the flesh. The concert was incredible! By the end of the night, my hair was sweated out, throat sore from cheering, and the best part hadn't even happened yet. My aunt had come with us and my mother told me to stay with her while she checked if Madonna was available. At first ten minutes went by, then fifteen, then thirty, an hour later, my mother returned, only to tell me, she went backstage to see Madonna, but because it was so hectic, she wasn't able to bring me along. Immediately tears began to fill the brim of my eyes and I started to sob. Opposed to saying thank you or being grateful, I remember being furious, and full of disappointment.
“Again, my mother made a promise to me that she was unable to make good.� It wasn't so much not getting to meet Madonna that hurt, but the fact that, yet again, my mother made a promise to me that she was unable to make good. The song "I'm Sorry" came from me being an adult, and old enough to be a mother myself, and arriving at the realization that my mom was ten times the mother I would have been had I been in her shoes, despite how often I felt she let me down. One of the major gifts my mother bestowed to me, was the idea of forming a relationship with God independent of her or anyone else. My relationship with Christ truly has been the gift that keeps on giving. As mothers, fathers, or simply as people, we are just that - people. We are human, and at our best we’re fallible. The good news is that we live in a world created by a perfect God and when we as people fail, hurt, disappoint, and discourage our loved ones, God's love will never fail.
In writing this and reflecting on that moment and many others, I guess I'm the one who wants to say sorry to my mother and thank her for all the times she's didn't disappoint and for making good on her ultimate promise to God to be my mom.
Happy Mother's Day Mommy!
*The Nigerian students pictured are not the kidnapped girls.
Evangelist Matthew Owojaiye of the Old Time Revival Hour Church in Kaduna has published this invocation & list of names.
ABOMINATION! ABOMINATION!! CHRISTIAN GIRLS ABDUCTED IN CHIBOK, BORNO STATE.
Daughters of Zion taken captive, to be treated as slaves and sold into marriage to unclean people. Abomination has been committed. Raise lamentation to High Heavens. What a shame on the Church of the Living God. FACTS: Chibok Local Government is 90% Christian. Majority of the girls abducted are Christian! The Church in Nigeria is hereby called to A Lamentation Prayer.
The Military may not be able to solve the problem but prayer will. Ordinary Military force may not get them out! Intensive Agonizing Prayer will. He lists names for 163 Christian girls & 15 Muslim girls Every Christian home must raise a lamentation to heaven daily. Let God arise and defend his Name, Honour and Majesty. Let a 15 minute cry to heaven be done in every Church every time they gather. Oh God, Rend the Heavens and come down! Why should the people say where is our God?
LET GOD ARISE, LET ALL HIS ENEMIES BE SCATTERED. Evangelist Matthew Owojaiye Old Time Revival Hour Kaduna.
The following list of names are of 178 abducted Christian and Muslim girls still being held by Boko Haram leaked from a pastor of the Christian Association of Nigeria. Please keep them in your prayers as you remember each of these girls. Remember they’re individuals with family and friends who are devastated.
King of Kings, Your daughters have been taken in Nigeria. They have been threatened, stolen, sold, and violated. Lord, we pray for you to take action on their behalf. Keep them as you kept Daniel in the den of lions. Deliver them as you walked Peter out of prison. Uplift them and encourage them. Give them your hope which does not disappoint. Give them your courage, strength, and wisdom. Father, remind them of your promise as we remind you of your Word that you will never leave them nor forsake them. Lord, tend to their every need. Frustrate the plans of the enemy, Lord. Place fear into their hearts and confusion into their minds. Let them turn on one another as you caused the enemy to do on behalf of Gideon. Father, direct the paths of those seeking the girls. Give them insight beyond their natural wisdom. Boko Haram is mocking you like Goliath, but they are fools. You are the one true and living God. End their terror. Lord you know what it’s like to lose unjust acts of evil men. Our Father encourage the fathers, calm the who are waiting. Father, we pray for those who are seeking the lost girls. leaders who fear you to govern in right by the people.
your son to the comfort mothers, sisters and brothers the protection of And for righteous Nigeria and do
Lord, we ask for your protection for who are missing everywhere and families. Father answer their Return their lost loved ones, like sheep, the coin, and the son you for so much in your parables. Lord, said where can we go to hide from Even in the depths of hell you know whereabouts, our condition, and you there. We cast our cares upon you, believing you answer our prayers.
all of those for their prayers. the cared David you? our are
Father command your angels to protect those young women that not even a hair on their heads would be harmed.
We ask this in Jesus’ name.
Amen.
There’s a commercial that says “being a dad changes everything.” we suspect being a dad to a daughter changes quite a bit too. PURE Magazine what these dads have learned since their daughters came in their lives.
WHAT SHE TAUGHT ME…
Being a father to an amazing daughter has taught me many things, but most importantly, it's taught me to really trust God. The most important people to me in life are my children, but it's impossible to protect, or be with them every single day. Because of my career, I've always been on the road & out of town, so every facetime counts… but the most valuable times have been when we're just chillin‘. I like to pick Jaz up from school early, go grab some food, then have some fun, & just chill & talk about stuff... If I can show my daughter how she should be treated, maybe she won't be mistreated by future dudes & I mean FUTURE! – Dre Marshall
Being a father to my daughter made me appreciate that I can have an immediate impact in my daughters life. I have a direct impact on a human beings life. - Diallo Smith Being a dad is an amazing responsibility. There's a lot of fun and games but underneath it all is the fact that my words and actions with her will affect how she interacts with others for the rest of her life.– Edward Scott
My little ladies are two tornados of love and misbehavior at times. They are learning me and I feel like I know them more then I really do. Loving them gives me a better understanding of how God loves me. – Eddie Willis III
WHAT SHE TAUGHT ME…
Being a dad taught me so much. It taught me how to cherish the moments. It taught me how to stop and smell the roses. it taught me the true value of manhood and fatherhood and how important it is to not just be a father but be an involved father. My daughter is the best thing that ever happen to me. I can go on and on but this sums it up. – Sertis Hunt
I am a Father of two daughters and a son. I love being a dad nothing but pure joy. I have learned the importance of seeing the world through their eyes the little things for us adults could seem silly but in thier world little things are big to them. -Lamarr Sanders
Being a daddy has taught me how important it is pass on legacy so it won't be lost. –Rocdwell Johns
I never really considered myself to be a selfish person until getting married and even when Sarah (my oldest) came in my life. But it turns out I was. Each day my daughters teaches me to be selfless; to put their needs and the responsibilities I have at home above my own needs. I knew this would be the case but putting this into practice on a daily basis was hard. I’ve found moments when I've resented my inability to do my own thing. Becoming a Father has tested my faith in ways I never imagined. Each day I’m forced on my knees, crying out to God for wisdom, patience, peace and selfless love . –DJ Sean Blu
It was back in the mid 90's and I was in a relationship with this young lady. She and I had been dating and doing what we had no business doing resulting in me getting her pregnant. So, we decided to get an abortion. It seemed like the right thing to do as we were both in high school and both had plans on going to college. Besides, from what I had learned about abortion, it wasn't like it was murder; the child wasn't born or even formed yet, and for that matter, it was just tissue.
Daddy Knows Best Better
by Timashion Jones
...Now
We prayed in the lobby of the clinic then she went in, pregnant, and came out with no baby. My mother cried as she drove us home, and, because she was a nurse, I asked her, "What happens to a baby or tissue once the abortion takes place?" She said, "Baby, you don't want to know." My mother later shared with me that she had an abortion before she had me. That rocked me. Man! That could have been me! That conversation with my mother was all the research I did. After a few months, the young lady and I broke up and went our separate ways. I went on with life. Still, I would catch myself thinking a lot about it and saying, “Wow, I would have a 2 year old child” or “I wonder what it would have looked like?” A few years later, I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior accepting his forgiveness for everything I had ever done through the power of His work on the cross. This new relationship caused me to evaluate my life.
I said to myself that I never wanted to feel that feeling again. So not only did I commit to never have another abortion, I committed to not having sex until I was married - from the age of 18 to 22. It was rough, but it was worth it especially when my wife, Taivia brought our son Yoshua into the world. As I watched his birth take place and held him in my arms, I thought, “Wow! How can anyone abort something as precious as this?” Later, the question hit me again when we visited the Detroit Science Center for the "Universe Within" Body Exhibit with real human bodies. They had a section where they showed the baby inside of a woman followed by 9 glass jars containing babies during each month of the pregnancy. I looked at the 9 month old one and walked all the way down to the first month. I was shaken and began to tear up. It was so tiny, but it had hands and feet and a head. It was a little baby and I realized, “Man! That ain’t Tissue! That is a baby!“ I began to think about it a lot and wondered if the enemy was trying to make me feel guilty. A good friend said it could be God telling me to be a little more vocal about my story to help others. After much prayer, I knew he was right. Ever since that moment I no longer questioned when life starts. I believe that the same breath of life that God breathed into Adam happens at the point of conception. (Genesis 2:7) So what am I trying to say? I want you to re-think your decision to have an abortion and keep the baby! Consider not having sex until you are married. It may be a tough, but it’s worth it. And if you’ve had an abortion, please don't let the enemy make you think that you are alone. Jesus offers all of us new life. p
WORLD’S GREATEST DONATION
By Jayne Marie Smith
Lately, some have taken to calling their absentee fathers “sperm donors” as a way to sum up the total contribution to their lives. The reality is everyone wants to know his or her father and a person who refers to their father as "my sperm donor" is a hurt person. Because of their absence, it’s hard to recognize what a "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…” Your Heavenly Father (Jeremiah 1:5)
father contributes to one’s life whether or not he’s there. Don't discount that initial contribution!
From conception, fathers donate their seed, yes, but they also give you: your blood type,
your gender, your genetic disposition to health issues, some of your physical features, some personality traits, a family history, the story of your origins (what led to your conception), and they give you the genes that you will pass on to your children among other things. Because of the things he gave you, you are connected to your father even if he’s absent. Just like your father alone determines your gender, your father is the one who shows you how (or how not) to be a man or a woman. That's a terrible weight, and it's a terrible travesty when he's not there to show you. The father’s absence (or silence) creates an identity vacuum. (How else could men project images of "sexiness" that grown women and little girls alike strive to attain?) Think of all the women who seek love in relationships with men. Take inventory of all the women you know who lose sight of themselves in relationships and become different people. If we really evaluate it, it's not just love or acceptance, but identity they’re seeking. Unfortunately, we don't always like the identities we end up with. In addition, you get your blood type from your dad. You are his blood. Half of you is his DNA. So, when a father rejects or denies a child, he's denying himself, which can set a pattern of self-loathing and dissociative behavior. The lack of self-esteem and understanding or loving of oneself can often be traced here, though some people adjust and some over compensate.
With the absence of seeing your genetic parents compromise between themselves, how do you learn how to keep both of your natures in check and balance? In a relationship, you witness the person that gives you one part of your nature, working together with the person who gives you the other part of your personality and nature. If one person is not there, that doesn't change the fact the absent person is still with you, in you, and influences you. The person that best understands that part of you is the one who gave it to you... or maybe their parents and siblings. The good news is, you are not just your nature. You are your nurturing as well. Whether or not you have an adopted, step or surrogate dad/ father figure, the Bible shows us the prime example of a father who steps in: God himself. We can go from being children of this world imitating our father, Adam, to being children of light imitating God our Father. In that first relationship, we inherit an old, sinful nature (our inclinations) and a dying world. But when we become children of God, we gain a new nature which is like Jesus and become heirs with Christ. Praise God! Your nature is not a life sentence. No one has to be their genetics! The God who formed you and knows you wants to nurture HIS identity in you. This Father's Day, whether you know him or not, we can all find something to appreciate about ourselves and therefore appreciate our fathers. Understanding that your "sperm donor" is a part of you, you need to love him and find something to appreciate anyway, whether it's something you've inherited or something you've learned by his absence. >
World’s Greatest Donation 2 Timothy 2:13 "If we are faithless, He [God] will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself." Romans 8:15 “You have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba [Daddy], Father.�
Dads you have a responsibility to be there and Moms you have a responsibility to esteem the man who contributed to half of who your child is. Nurture your child's identity. p
Open Letter To My 13 Year Old Daughter
Dear Jaylah aka "TWIN," It's crazy to think about or even fathom this: 13 years ago, I held you for the 1st time, scared to cut the umbilical cord in fear of possibly hurting you by accident due to my excitement. Now 13 years later, you're a teenage skater girl, an intellectual, and music fan that switches from classical music to Eminem. Watching your maturation has been a joy & an inspiration. Jay, you make being a father a honor & a privilege. Yeah, you test the limits with your mom and me, but I said you're awesome, not perfect. (smile)
Still, I couldn't have asked for a
pretty enough or cool enough. Take it
better kid. As you move closer to
from your Dad and my personal
becoming an adult, I want to make sure you're on point in things that really matter. Sure, I want you to
experience, that deception is not to be taken seriously. I urge you to be a leader, not a follower in school and
get good grades and be cautious of creepy, disrespectful boys, but more than that, I want you to embrace something that covers those aforementioned things and beyond. I want you to embrace SELF RESPECT and SELF ESTEEM.
society. I need you to trust your morals, be comfortable in the skin you're in, and think for yourself. Once you've adopted that attitude, world domination is a real possibility... maybe (lol).
Truth is Jay, the world through social media and “friends� will try to deceive you into thinking you are NOT good enough, smart enough,
I'm proud of the woman you're becoming. Keep striving for excellence. I believe in you. Love you kiddo. Your Dad,
Jason Roberts aka CONQUEST
By Shanell Henry
As a little girl growing up I always dreamed and hoped to meet my dad one day. I was that little girl who would witness other young girls being embraced by their fathers, wishing it were me. Questioning how could anyone not reach out to their own child? How could anyone act as if they don’t have a care in the world for their own seed?
My dad’s family moved from the east coast to Lansing, Michigan a few years before I was conceived. My mother was a virgin and her mom and his dad pressured them to have sex in hopes they would get together. After my mother’s first time having intercourse she became pregnant with me. When I was 3 years old, my grandfather uprooted his family again aain moved back to the east coast. I couldn’t recall ever meeting my dad. For years I longed to see him face to face just once. I heard many stories of how my dad was a great basketball player in high school. He was known as the best in the area on the East coast. Scouts were looking at him to play for college teams then my grandfather pulled my dad and aunt out of school to relocate the family to Michigan in an attempt to escape prison time. My dad was never the same. He began to rebel because of what he felt he missed out on. He started selling and using drugs, stealing, and more, going in and out of prisons for more than half of his life. At the age of 26, my dream finally came true. I met my dad for the first time in my life, but it was bitter sweet. My grandfather sent my dad to Michigan to support me in the loss of my best friend my grandmother. I had mixed emotions over losing my grandmother whom I loved dearly and preparing to meet my dad who I didn’t even know. I was nervous and excited. In the end, I was only able to spend a few hours with dad while he was in Michigan for my grandmother’s funeral - a funeral that he never even attended! His first day back in Lansing, my dad got into some trouble, got arrested and was sitting in the county jail during my grandmother’s funeral. All the bitterness I was holding onto for all those years exploded! At that point, I honestly gave up hope for a relationship with my dad. I was able to make contact with some of my dad’s side of the family that still lived in Lansing and resigned myself to just cultivating those relationships.
In 2003, I gave my life to Christ and began to embrace and cultivate my relationship with God the Father! The Father that would never leave or forsake me. Through this journey of growing in relationship with Jesus, I learned the true meaning of love, grace, forgiveness and surrender. Christ himself extended all of this and more to me - to all of us. The void that I had prior to surrendering my life to the Lord, was filled! Christ filled the void. My mind has been renewed. One year my family and I traveled to Connecticut where m my father was born, raised and resides. We went in support of my niece for her college graduation. My dad attended the graduation as well. This would be his first time interacting with my kids, and my second time seeing him since my grandmother’s passing. He had very few words for any of us. I could tell he wanted to talk, but probably didn’t have words to say. That really hurt me. For a grown man not to humble himself and muster up “much more” to say to his daughter and grandchildren. I remember leaving Connecticut and feeling bitter all over again. The spirit of God began to deal with me.
As God continued to renew my mind, I began to hunger again for the desire to build a relationship with my dad. I had heard my dad was doing better in life than he ever had in the past. He had gotten married to a woman that encouraged and supported him to do well. I decided to reach out to him for his birthday one year by phone. I was actually God inspired to share that experience via YouTube.> It felt good reaching out to wish my dad a happy birthday. I shared with him that my birthday was just a few weeks later than his, in hopes that maybe he would reach back out to me. I didn’t receive a call. I was cool with it, I got over that quick. I continued hoping and believing for a relationship with him. A couple years ago my friend and I flew to New York for a girl’s getaway. Knowing that my grandfather was ill, I made it a point to drive a couple hours to go and visit him while on this trip. I didn’t attempt to notify my dad of my plans to visit, honestly for the sake of not being let down. Well to my surprise when my girlfriend and I pulled up to the house, guess who was the first one
out to greet me? Yes my Dad. It was so different this time. A lot of my relatives gathered there upon my arrival and we had a wonderful time. I had an opportunity to love on my grandfather, who later went on to be with the Lord. Actually that night at the house, I prayed the prayer of salvation with my grandfather. Glory be to God for that assignment! My Dad had many words for me this trip there. It brought joy to my heart!
Granddad & Me
We danced, laughed and talked a good talk. I felt free to share my heart in transparency. In my sharing, I began to cry unexpectedly and my dad for the first time, wrapped his arms around me and held me as I cried. It was so God! I shared with him how the Lord had forgiven me for all the wrong I did and that I live a surrendered life unto Him. I expressed how the Lord had released me of all the bitterness I once held toward him. I too must forgive as he forgives.
Me & My Dad
I woke up that next morning and rehearsed the night before in my mind and wept like a baby. Was this real? Did God just create a dream come true? Yes, He did. He is so good!
He then began to share his guilt and apologized for his failure as a father etc. So many walls had come down and I felt such a peace and love for him. I remember driving away that night heading back to New York City, almost wanting to do a U-turn on the freeway to go back! I felt a genuine love for my dad like never before.
Since then my dad and I have been in constant communication. Seeing my phone ring “Dad” still does something to my heart. Hearing his voice on my voicemail when I’ve missed his call does even more. I love him so much! Getting to know each other has been a wonderful journey. When I traveled back to Connecticut to attend my grandfather’s funeral, we were genuinely able to comfort each other during the grieving process. I’m truly grateful Also watch “Daddy’s Girl” video YouTube for the role my grandfather played in my life as a father figure. In closing, I would like to say never give up hope in any situation! God knows the desires of our hearts. He knows what we have need of before we even ask. He is a God of peace, love, hope and reconciliation. To God be the glory forever more. Be lead of Him and keep growing in grace.
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