AFA Recap

by Courtney Stevens, Associate Board Member AFA

The 2019 Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors Annual Meeting was held in Anaheim, California during the first week of December. The mission of AFA is to enhance its members’ abilities to foster impactful fraternity and sorority experiences. I was accompanied by my fellow board members Amanda Cronin, Liz Jason, and Alex Nestro. I was honored to represent Kappa Delta Phi National Affiliated Sorority. I wore my letters with pride and entered the conference with an eager and open mind.

Through my membership to the AFA I have discovered countless resources and made numerous connections which I believe have contributed to my skills as a chapter consultant. Prior to attending the conference, I had the chance to explore online resources. On the AFA’s website there are webinars and presentations about many topics that span from how to resolve conflict to how to recruit new members. Throughout the course of the week at the Annual AFA Conference there were dozens of workshops, lectures, and panels led by organization and campus professionals.

Meeting with other Greek Life and campus professionals attending the conference was eye-opening for me, as a new member of the National Board. It helped put into perspective how important it is for chapters to have a good relationship with their campus partners—faculty/staff advisors, Greek Life professionals, and even Conduct Officers. The reason why it is so important for chapters to have a good relationship with these members of the campus community is that it gives you the chance to be proactive. These professionals are there to support the student body, just like we are. We should be working in collaboration with them so that in the unfortunate event that something comes up everyone can be in the loop and we can work quickly to find a solution.

Each session focused on a specific topic. My favorite sessions were focused on leadership skills. As a leader it is your job to impact others and to let others impact you. Being a good leader is not only about guiding and teaching others, but allowing others to guide and teach you. No one is perfect and it is important to remember that you can learn something from everyone. The women that we work with come from all walks of life and all have unique experiences. You should learn from the experiences of others so that you have a better understanding of where they are coming from. If you learn a little from everyone, you’ll be more well rounded. Every person you work with has another piece of knowledge you can learn.

Alex Nestro (Treasurer), Courtney Stevens (Associate Board), Amanda Cronin (VP of Administration)

Another session I enjoyed was about conflict resolution. I’m sure all of us experiences some sort of argument, altercation, or disagreement as an active. Unfortunately, the thing about being a group of strong women is we aren’t always going to agree. The important piece of conflict resolution that we always seem to miss is that a situation affects each person differently. In order for everyone to come away from a discussion feeling good there needs to be a safe space for people to present problems and also the solutions to those problems. The technique we used was called a “restorative circle.” During this activity each member who is willing to participate, shares how they were affected by the situation and how they believe it should be rectified. This allows everyone’s voices to be heard. It allows for a peak inside how each member is feeling. It also allowed for people to take accountability for their actions and gives a tangible way for them to work towards a resolution. Since the conference I’ve been able to conduct a restorative circle myself and it was overwhelmingly successful. (If you’d like to learn more about this, join Alex and myself for our breakout sessions!)

Spending time at AFA taught me that even as a working professional there is always more to be learned. You can learn through conversation and the experiences of your peers. Not everyone has the same experiences but when people share the difficult scenarios that they’ve encountered it can prepare us for a similar situation in the future. So even if you don’t think it applies to you now, it may be applicable in the future. It was inspiring to see the pride that people had for their organizations and the students that they work with. It reminded me how lucky I am to be able to work with such incredible young women.

Hello Sisters,

Philanthropy is one of the cornerstones of organization, and each year I am amazed with the work that our membership accomplishes in their communities. From walks to service trips to fundraisers, it seems like every year that you all accomplish more than the previous. This marks our third year working with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention; we have accomplished so much in our first two years working with the AFSP and I can not wait to see what we accomplish this year, and I have no doubt that you ladies will blow everyone away again this year.

As we look to the future, my hope is that you continue to inject Kindness, Devotion and Pride into everything you do. I want for us to keep making our communities a better place because we are part of them. I want for you to continue to amaze us with all that you can accomplish.

As your Philanthropy Chair and your Executive Director, I thank you. —Amanda Roberge

by Liz Jason, Executive Director

Mentors are a critical part of both professional and personal development. In today’s society, everyone is constantly attached to their screens. We often forget the art of in-person communication, which is essential to being a strong leader. Through mentoring, these skills can be honed. Studies have shown that good mentoring can lead to greater career success, including promotions, raises, and increased opportunities. This is especially true for women where we may find ourselves in a space in which there are only a few other women, or perhaps, we are the only one. In those situations, there are times where we can find that we’re overlooked, talked over or even have our ideas co-opted by our male colleagues. This can be frustrating, demoralizing and even cause burn out.

All women are, of course, different and have a wide range of strengths, weaknesses and aspirations, but certain trends do tend to come through consistently in the workplace and leadership spaces—showing a lack of self-confidence, imposter syndrome, fear of failure and a hesitancy in going for a promotion or new job. However, through the help of mentoring, women can work to overcome their own self-limiting beliefs and mindsets, which can hinder us in aspiring to reach senior and leadership roles.

It’s because of this that it is so vital that we as women strive to seek out mentors and become mentors ourselves. It can sometimes seem that finding the right mentor feels a lot like dating. You may have to meet with many different people until you find the right one. A mentor should challenge you, ask questions, open your eyes to new paths forward or force you to deal with issues you have been avoiding. The relationship needs to be built on trust and mutual respect. If your first mentor isn’t giving you what you need, it’s perfectly okay to end the mentor/mentee relationship and put your effort and time elsewhere.

For many of you, the first time you may experience being in the role of a mentee or even a mentor is in the Big/Little Sister relationship. This is the start of what is hopefully a life long journey of self-discovery and growth. Take the skills and lessons you’ve learned not only as a Big but also as a Little and use that as you move forward through the world. A successful mentoring relationship requires work and effort on the part of both the mentor and the mentee.

Finally, one of the best things you can do after you have a positive mentorship experience is to pay it forward and become a mentor. Whether it’s in the near future or further off, your experience and the lessons you learned from being a thoughtful mentee will support your ability to be a strong mentor to the next generation of young women whether that’s in the sorority or as a professional.

by Holly Garcia, Member-At-Large

A mentor is defined as an experienced and trusted advisor. Mentoring involves motivation, goals, direction and success. Growing up, I’ve had many mentors and I still do as an adult. Upper classmen work as mentors to lower classmen. Bigs work as mentors to their Littles during the Affiliate Education process. As a Kappa, we all work somewhat as a mentor to others by our active involvement with our philanthropy. When it came time for me to decide between which organization to join at college, my psychology tutor was a Kappa sister and she helped influence my decision to join.

When I was active I volunteered as a Peer Advisor Leader. I was a sophomore at the time and my duties included reaching out to freshman, assisting with course work and helping them decide on what class to take the following semester. Many other Kappa sisters worked in these types of roles as resident advisors, orientation leaders and tutors. I've chosen to continue to help others as a mentor because it is rewarding to know that I am making a difference in someones life.

Since college I've worked for a public school system as a paraprofessional educator, ABA therapist and now as an Attendance Officer. I have experience working with children of all ages and while I'm teaching them I am also learning from them. For the past six years I have been a volunteer Girl Scout Troop leader starting with Daisy's (PreK-1st Grade) and following my troop up to now as Junior's (4th-5th Grade). I've also been a Faith Formation Leader at my church for four years educating 6th and 9th grade students. Lastly, I've been a High School Varsity Hockey Cheerleading coach for the past four years with 9th through 12th grade students. All different ages and all different audiences but I have found it easy to transition from age level to age level while still being able to assist these children to the best of my ability. This is a huge thing to consider especially when working with children because you want to earn their respect. While teaching, I try to keep lessons fun and age appropriate. I don't want the material to be too complex but I also don't want it to be so simple that the children don't think that I have faith in their abilities. This is a skill that can be used in Kappa during recruitment. Many potential affiliates may not be fully aware of what being in a sorority entails and some of the language could be confusing. Flashy posters and displays will draw them in but being able to properly communicate is what will keep them engaged. Active sisters should advertise what they do for the community, how they give back and what they contribute to campus. Sorority sisters are an asset to all campuses and they should be proud of their accomplishments.

I enjoying making a difference which is why I actively work as a mentor to other. Once accepted into Law School I reached out to have a mentor randomly assigned to me. This is a person that would be there to help guide me through the process of being a law student while also being available to help with course work. Out of all of the volunteer student mentors at my school, l was randomly assigned to Kappa sister and Associate Board member Victoria Hogan. That is a perfect example of how Kappa's continue to make a difference after college. Now as a second-year student, I have signed up to be a volunteer mentor and I give advice to newer students frequently. If there is one message I can leave with you it is that you are never too young or too old to help others. Be the change you want to see in this world and get out and serve. Your mentorship will make a difference in someones life and even their future.

Throughout our lives, we meet many people become our mentors. Whether it is an older girl on the team we are playing on, our parents, or even a co-worker. One of our first mentors in life is usually a teacher. I am sure if I asked any one, “Who is one teacher that inspired you?” they could name it off the top of their head. Maybe it is the professor teaching your favorite class this semester, or your third grade teacher that made you love reading. Mine was my eighth grade Social Studies teacher, as well as my Education Advisor in my Master’s program.

Two very different people and personalities, but they both taught me the importance of being a mentor. You need to be able to connect to those you are mentoring because they need to feel like they can trust you. Trust is not an easy thing to build, and we all struggle with showing our authentic selves at times. But once we are able to open up, mentoring those who look up to us becomes easier. I knew that becoming a teacher was becoming a lifetime mentor. I wanted students to feel they were inspired by the way I taught the classroom, and they could build trust with an adult in their life. By becoming a teacher, I grew into my authentic self. I am someone who my students can trust and open up to, and be able to grow into their true selves. The relationship of mentor to mentee does not go just one way—my students are always showing me how I can be a better teacher and mentor.

As we grow into adulthood we do not leave the mentor-mentee roles. We always need to be open to change and allowing ourselves to learn through the people around us. Growth makes us stronger, and being our authentic self makes us happier.

—Marysa Mitrano, Associate Board Member

During my undergraduate years at Husson University, I joined the dance team. I had danced my whole life, and as a little girl, I dreamed of going to Julliard. Starting on the dance team was nerve-wracking and I only knew a few of the girls. I soon found out that the coach was a Kappa Sister from Kappa Alpha Alpha chapter. This began a bond I never imagined would hold so tight. Hillary was like a big sister to me—we would stay after practices and talk and I always felt like she had my best interests at heart. She was a mentor I continue to have to this day. We catch up when we can and support each other in everything we choose. She pushed me to be a better dancer, better friend, and better leader through my two very short years of dance. A mentor in the sports realm can be a captain, coach or another teammate. Finding mentorship in my coach was special because we got to have the bond of sisterhood that no one understands. I’m thankful for all Hillary had given to me, and I’m glad I have our friendship and sisterhood to move us forward in my adult life.

—Desiree Beal,, Associate Board Member

It is no secret that women hold just 24 percent of senior positions globally and face challenges moving up the ladder. So how do we level the playing field? That question often leads to more questions and few answers, but there is a clear opportunity available to give yourself a leg up—you only need to seek it out: Female mentoring.

Mentoring has shown to be a key driver of success. If you are able to find a mentor that you are compatible with, you are more likely to feel supported and report being satisfied with your career. Mentoring has been found to be key to both retaining and developing women as executives and in leadership positions. In addition a female mentor can better relate to the challenges and aspirations of other females by sharing her own experiences, failures, and successes. One minor issue is that women can have a harder time finding mentors, especially ones with influence because there are more women seeking a mentor than ones available. If you have one, hold onto her! Having stumbled upon my workplace mentor unintentionally, I quickly realized how important our relationship was. While we maintained a healthy co-working relationship, the career and life lessons she taught me are invaluable. She taught me so much but most importantly, the power of effective communication. The way you say something to someone matters. Choosing your words carefully matters. Responding to someone timely matters. She also taught me that sometimes you have to roll with decisions you don’t always agree with, especially when it comes to work.

I found myself going to her with all of my questions and looking for advice. She was always willing to be honest with me and guide me in the right direction. This mentoring experience molded me into the professional I am today and it’s the reason I’m so passionate about building mentoring relationships for women.

—Robyn Sarette, Associate Board Member

As a Higher Education professional, I can rely on mentors such as my Big, Liz Jason, to provide me with guidance through job searches, feedback on how to approach conflicts within my workplace, introductions to her professional contacts, and thoughtful reminders that I am capable and deserving of promotions and advancement in my career. Based on my experiences, here are the top four benefits of mentorship within female career development.

1. Social Capital—Mentors can provide you with professional networks to enhance your leadership and career opportunities. Mentors introduce you to other leaders in your field, alert you to job openings [often times before they are even posted], and will serve as excellent references.

2. Exposure to different ideas and points of view— Mentors have a great deal of insight into how a business is run and in many cases will provide excellent historical context. They will often be able to articulate other perspectives that you may overlook. Additionally, you can feel free to bounce ideas off mentors with no judgment.

3. A contact outside of your work team can provide a safe space. A mentor that is not affiliated with your employer can be a safe person to talk through conflicts with, before approaching your supervisor. Your mentor can provide honest feedback and additionally, can role-play in order to help prepare you for difficult conversations.

4. Moral support—Mentors see their mentee’s potential and help them achieve their goals. They not only believe in your abilities but they will challenge you to be ambitious and seek advancement opportunities. Mentors will make sure you have the tools you need to succeed in your career and will advocate for you.

—Caitlin Daley, Associate Board Member