JH Living
as the hole deepens
Nature Abhors an Empty Bedroom BY TIM SANDLIN ILLUSTRATIONS BY BIRGITTA SIF
George and Jazmyne Finch recently committed the faux pas that leads so many Jackson Hole newcomers to ruin. After five years of living here, they married and bought a house. Getting married and buying a house aren’t the faux pas I’m talking about. You can harbor your own cynical-to-romantic notions of a marriage lasting in paradise. George and Jazmyne’s fatal error was that they bought a house with more bedrooms than they needed. The cute couple went so far as to buy a three-bedroom home—two more than they would occupy for sleeping and watching late-night TV. George had a vague plan for a home office—he’s a drywall contractor—and Jazmyne, an elementary school teacher, had an even vaguer plan for babies in the distant future. They still could have minimized the damage by collecting a mountain of 102
JACKSON HOLE MAGAZINE WINTER 2014
sports junk and filling the rooms to the point of no safe entry. Instead, Jazmyne said, “Our loved ones can visit. We’ll have a place for them to stay.” I said, “Famous last words.” Any long-term local could have told them Jackson Hole abhors a vacuum. If you have space, they will come. George said, “We love guests.” I said, “Right.” First, Jazmyne’s cousins Dothan and Opp showed up for hunting season. The cousins installed an arsenal and a pony keg in the spare bedroom. Dothan said, “We’ll be in the field all day. You won’t even know we’re here.” The word field should have set off bells. Dothan and Opp were from south Texas where hunting is done in a field. Their