ISLAND created by local Island women
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SHARING INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION
INCLUDED IN THIS ISSUE ARIANNA MERRITT
influence
JANE ST. PIERRE
empower
J.P.MCLEAN
freedom
NANCY WOOD
vigilance
LINDA HUNTER
appreciation
CELEBRATING AND CONNECTING THE WOMEN OF VANCOUVER ISLAND AND BEYOND Volume 3 Issue 1
COVER
In This Issue
Lagoon by Peter J. Smith
Editorial 3 Up at 3am for a dose of reality
Peter J. Smith lives in Victoria and spends his leisure time looking at nature, usually through the lens of a camera.
Carolyn Burns 4 A fine line between doing nothing and…
Ann Baird 6 Plastic: Breaking up is hard to do
Terry Dance-Bennink 8
Do you have a favourite island photo you’d like to share? Send it to: stories@islandgals.ca and your photo may be on the next cover.
Face to face with Enbridge
Linda Hunter 9 Making every marble count
Donna Marie Lynch 10
Vernice Shostal 25
Emily Madill 11
Janice Hayward 26
Edutainment: Mass communication with purpose
Cruise-ing
With this ring …I thee wed
Mothers and sons
Ally Rees 27
Nancy Wood 12
Ask Ally; Your questions
The waiting game
Deborah Wickins 28
Maureen Eykelenboom 14
Women in wine
Redefining the dream
Gifty Serbeh-Dunn
Sarah Daviau 15 The thank you card challenge
Catherine Moffat
Whatever it takes to make it …possible
Grace Cockburn 30
16
Kindness comes in many flavours
Garden Party
Jane St. Pierre 32
J.P. McLean 17
Finance 101: The common sense approach
The Gift: Awakening—Book Review
Ulla Jacobs 34
Joyce Bezusko 18
What is evolution
Tough love
Nancy Brown 35
Janet Bauer 19
Landscape of soul and bone
Living with chronic pain
Dona Anderson 36
Astri Wright 20
Invite spring in!
Bridging worlds
Kiki and Peaches 37
Elaine Lakeman 22 Coulda…Woulda …Shoulda …
Arianna Merritt
Laughter yoga
Sally Rae Dyck 38
24
Who are your role models?
Egg~stravaganza!
ISLAND
created by local island women
gals
SHARING INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION
Volume 3 Issue 1
Find us at www.islandgals.ca or write to us for all inquiries info@islandgals.ca 250.217.2388
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CELEBRATING AND CONNECTING THE WOMEN OF VANCOUVER ISLAND AND BEYOND 2
29
ISLANDgals.ca
up at 3am for a dose of…
reality
O
ver the holidays I did what many of us do around that festive time of year; gave myself permission to eat more sugar, forgot about the importance of roughage and ignored the fact that eggnog probably doesn’t have much egg in it. And because they tell me I’m not getting any younger, I paid the price by feeling like that stuffed bird I enjoyed earlier. Now what? I hit the couch, found the remote control, opened a fruit basket someone sent me and decided to do a little ‘research’ for this article. 8pm-prime television viewing time. Click… The Housewives of Beverley Hills… or was it New York… maybe Vancouver. Ladies, why all the yelling? I can’t figure out what the problem is because you’re doing so much yelling. Click … Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo You have a seven year old child who competes in fashion shows, has her eyebrows plucked and apparently her mom has a mayonnaise phobia. Click … Worldwide Exclusive! Lance Armstrong tells all to Oprah! Many millions of dollars paid to a guy who rides a bike really really fast. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for ‘healthy’ competition. You should see me at my ping pong table. I’m a beast. But millions of dollars? To ride a bike? Really fast? Click … CNN Breaking News! Kim Kardashian pregnant with Kanye West’s baby! I’m not even going to touch that. I realized I likely wasn’t going to ‘learn’ anything from ‘The Learning Channel’ or various others for that matter. And besides, my fruit basket was empty, so I went to bed.
by Johanna Socha
W
ell the fruit kicked in around 2:30am. and I was now wide awake with a natural sugar high. Now what?
Click…What’s this? Spirit of Good Will A documentary focusing on a program in South Florida that brings together mentally and physically disabled adults, employed by Good Will, into a music program. A large group of people that much of society labels ‘unproductive,’ brought together by the love and inspiration of music, led by an incredible music director who devotes his time, energy and passion to enrich these peoples lives and share their dedication and talents with the masses. They were incredible; playing everything from B.B. King to Gloria Estefan. One young lady in the group was severely autistic and unable to verbally communicate, but boy! Could she play those bongos! The program ended at 4am and I fell asleep feeling inspired, motivated, and a little ashamed at wasting precious thumb energy clicking through the 8pm line-up. This incredible documentary was on at 2:30am. Honey Boo-Boo was on at 8pm. Why is the demand for Honey Boo Boo greater than something as inspirational as The Spirit of Good Will? I”m still trying to figure that out. But in the meantime, to the mom of this 7 year old who’s being taught that flashing her tummy is lucrative and meaningful… Maybe try something more productive? And to the companies who paid Lance many millions in endorsements to ride his bike … You may want to think about supporting that inspiring bongo girl I watched at 3am. She actually does “live strong”.
ISLANDgals.ca
Publisher’s Note We’d love to hear from you! Write to us with your comments at: publisher@islandgals.ca
Someday when we are wiser when the world’s older when we have learned… Someday life will be fairer need will be rarer and greed will not pay… Godspeed this bright millenia on it’s way let it come … Someday our fight will be won we’ll stand in the sun in that bright afternoon … ‘Til then on days when the sun is gone we’ll hang on … There are some days dark and bitter seems we haven’t got a prayer … But a prayer for something better is the one thing we all share … Someday, when we are wiser when the whole world is older … When we have love One day … Someday … Soon ~Celtic Woman Someday
3
Living With Chronic Pain part I
What? Wait! How Did I Get Here?
Never
in a million years did I ever think I’d be where I am today. I was a happy, healthy, active, lively being. Doing a job I loved, trained in a field I loved, volunteering and helping others - which I loved, living a life I loved. And now, here I sit, living a life I never thought I’d have to live, mourning the loss of the life I once had . . . trying to stay connected to the outside world despite the debilitating pain, exhaustion, sadness and grief that overpower me, gripping so tight I feel I can’t breathe another breath, move another inch or think another thought. But I do. I summon up whatever strength is inside me to get up each day and face it in the best way I can. Looking back now, my journey to this point was filled with ‘warning’ signs. As a child I had severe and chronic nose bleeds—day and night. Around five, I broke my arm. As a young teen, I had ‘growing pains’ in my knees—so severe, they prevented me from sleeping and eventually running (which I loved). Before 20 the locking up and screaming pain in my knees was diagnosed as patellofemoral pain syndrome or ‘runners’ knee’. Surgery to remove the loose cartilage was not an option and neither was continuing to run. At 22, despite doing it `correctly`, I injured my lower back lifting a 50 lb. box. In my early 30’s vertigo and tinnitus showed up. At around 35 I developed severe tendonitis in my wrists. By 40 tennis elbow had set into both arms. By 45 the pain that had developed in my neck was excruciatingly unbearable. Daily headaches and migraines were added to the mix. My shoulders followed suit – to the point that I was unable to raise one arm up at all. A myriad of therapy, medications, treatments, exercise and all that went along with managing these illnesses was all I could do to get through the days, weeks, months and years of increasing pain and decreasing ability to manage as I had once been able to do. I did, as they say `learn how to live with it’.
by Janet Bauer
“I’m lost somewhere between where I belong and where I can no longer be.”
I had to accept
that this was the way my health and my body were. So I did. I got up every day, did my best to ‘put on a happy face’ (aka mask) and `face it’ (aka fake it). If you saw me, you wouldn`t know anything was wrong. I was a ‘picture of health’ living inside a frame of invisible illnesses. At 46 the picture finally fell from the wall I’d created. My frame couldn’t hold the fragile cover that protected it in place any longer. I had to let it go. It fell – shattered - and the shards of my illness stopped me dead in my tracks. By this time the pain in my body was wide spread, unstoppable and excruciating. My hours of sleep had been reduced to virtually zero. My ability to function cognitively and effectively had diminished to almost nothing. My body said, “no more!” And then…the ‘F’ word became a part of my life. Not the one you’re probably thinking—even though I’ve used that one more times than not. It was Fibromyalgia; a condition I’d heard of but knew very little about. I had to start to pick up some pieces and try to put this puzzle that was my ‘new’ life together. Throughout the year I’ll continue this series and write about the chronic pain and illnesses I live with. • ‘The ‘F’ Word’ –Fibromyalgia. I’ll talk about my diagnosis, what fibromyalgia is and how it affects those who live with it. • ‘What I Do’ –My full time job is managing my chronic pain and illnesses. In this piece, I’ll tell you how I do that and will share some of the many resources I’ve discovered along the way. • ‘What You Can Do’ –One of the hardest things about living with chronic illnesses is living in a world filled with people who ‘don’t get it’. This isn’t always the case. But, sadly, it happens more often than we’d like. I’ll talk about some of the things you can (and some we’d rather you not) do to support us in our journey to live the best life we can. I was born in Medicine Hat Alberta but moved to Victoria with my parents and sister 40 years ago. My permanent home is in Victoria, but, from spring to fall you’ll find me at my ‘great escape’ recreational property on the beach at Otter Point. I spend part of the summer at the beach in Parksville, and in late fall and winter, you’ll find me at the beach in Hawaii. Ok, so I’m a beach girl at heart too. The sun and its warmth are what keep my spirit levels up and my pain levels down. I have a beautiful, almost 25 year old, (how did that happen!) daughter. I miss her like crazy, am so proud to be her mom and love and admire the great young woman she’s become. I worked for the Provincial Government for 20 years until my illnesses forces me to stop working in 2010. I love to volunteer, taught parent education for 10 years and have been a Victim Services volunteer for almost five years. I also teach a Chronic Pain Management course a few times a year. I love people and giving back.
ISLANDgals.ca
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mothers and sons by Emily Madill
“The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.” ~Henry Ward Beecher
Being the mom of two amazing boys provides me with a world of rich learning. The special bond that Moms and sons typically have is a true gift to both parties. The Mother-Son relationship is the first close connection boys will have with a member of the opposite sex. As a prime role model in my sons’ lives, I want to do everything I can to provide them with a strong, healthy foundation. I believe that how I show up, and the learning environment I foster, will influence how they feel about themselves and how they may conduct themselves in future relationships. I find it interesting that when women have sons they are sometimes pitied for not getting to know what it is like to have daughters; as though one experience is perceived to be better than the other. I think there is often the fear that when boys grow to be men, they cast their mothers aside to move on to their significant relationships. I’ll admit it sounds heart wrenching to me right now, but there will come a time when I’ll need to set free the close connection we share. Hopefully at that point, I will be wise enough to know that allowing this to happen, as opposed to hanging on for dear life, will be the very best thing for both of my boys. I believe that giving my boys the space to feel confident and capable of making their own way in life is the greatest gift I will ever have to offer them.
My dream is that both of my sons will one day treat their significant others with the same level of respect, love and adoration as they did for me when they were two years old. Then I will know that I did right by them. I don’t feel like I’m missing out because I have sons. I feel like I have been gifted a unique opportunity to share a connection and special bond that is based on unconditional love. They are eager to learn about the world through my eyes and right now I have a captive audience. I will do everything within my power to help my sons know they are good people; to realize it is okay to cry and be vulnerable; to treat others how they wish to be treated; to try their personal best and know that’s enough; and to always like who they are. Henry Ward Beecher’s quote above states: “The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom.” I believe it is equally true that, “The child’s heart is the mother’s schoolroom.” Through the eyes and hearts of my sons, I am learning to not get so caught up in details; to remember to play now and think later; to spend endless hours in the fresh air; never miss an opportunity to jump in a mud puddle and take part in frequent good old fashion giggle fests. I cherish my role as a mom of sons and look forward to experiencing the continued learning and memories they will forever imprint on my heart.
“The child’s heart is the mother’s schoolroom.”
~ Emily Madill
Emily lives on Vancouver Island, BC with her husband and two sons. She has a degree in Business and Psychology. Emily believes in the importance of teaching children accountability and empowerment from a young age. She enjoys writing and creating anything that will inspire others to believe in themselves. Being a mother is the most creative job she has had to date. www.emilymadill.com
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11
mass communication
EduTainment with a purpose
by Vernice Shostal
The statistics are staggering:
97% of Egyptian women experience female genital mutilation 76% of women in Niger and 49% of Pakistani women marry before the age of 18 47% of women in Bangladesh experience physical violence from their spouses 50% of female murders are committed by an intimate partner.
Much
of the abuse is dowry-related and involves restrictions on movement or acid throwing. The forms of violence against women often go unrecognized because they are seen as “normal” or “customary,” and most women do not report the abuse. Support services are severely lacking. Edutainment (short for education and entertainment) aims to produce effective anti-violence media campaigns using strategies such as television and radio soap series, music videos, computer games, comic books, street theatre, social media, mobile technology, talk and reality shows and film. The project, in cooperation with the United Nations Trust Fund to end violence against women has improved the situation in India, Nicaragua and South Africa. Although violence against women in these countries continues, victims are now less afraid to speak out, more likely to get community support and perpetrators are more likely brought to justice. In this biennium, Zonta introduces the Edutainment project in 12 target countries including Bangladesh and Nigeria in year one and Afghanistan, Cambodia, Egypt, Mali, Niger, Pakistan, Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan and Vietnam in year two. Over the past several years, a social soap series, “Sexto Sentido” (Sixth Sense), produced in Nicaragua and aired in 10 countries in Latin and Central America, has strengthened the capacity of the women‘s movement to advocate for implementation of relevant legislation, generating new knowledge around violence, supplying women with tools for existing violent situations, and providing the women’s movement with space for reflection, dialogue and coordination.
When “Sexto Sentido” was first broadcasted, most of the women and young women in the country knew nothing about Domestic Violence Law and had never made use of it. In “Sexto Sentido,” the issue of violence against women was addressed through the life of Elena, who lived with her mother in a domestic violence context. Throughout the series, Elena discovers the law and convinces her mother to use it in order to stop mistreatment by her husband through a protection order. Each episode ends with a Public Service Announcement where Elena presents the law and shows the viewers a pamphlet informing them how to contact the National Women’s Network. The Edutainment project aims to change behaviors, norms and attitudes about violence against women, increase awareness of the prevalence of violence against women and girls in target countries and empower people to speak out. Its purpose is to change perceptions of men and women about “normal” and “healthy” relationships and assist survivors of violence to know their rights and access support services. In short, the Edutainment project goal is to increase the visibility of the issue of violence against women and to make both men and women in all countries realize that violence against women is barbaric and not acceptable to humanity.
Advancing the Status of Women Worldwide Through Service & Advocacy
A former high school teacher from the prairies, Vernice enjoys writing, cooking, gardening and golfing for fun. She is inspired by people who work together to promote a world where men and women are considered equal. Mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, Vernice and her husband, Peter, live in Victoria.
ISLANDgals.ca
For more information about the Zonta’s Edutainment project, visit www.zonta.org and search Edutainment. If you would like to make a positive difference for women at home and around the world, share with other professionals and form international friendships, membership in the Zonta Club of Victoria may be for you. Visit www.zontavictoria.org, or contact zontavictoria@yahoo.ca. Next issue:
Empowering Women in Rural Samoa to combat violence.
25
cruiseing by Donna Marie Lynch
I brought in 2013 aboard the cruise ship Pacific Princess, anchored in the Amazon River watching a spectacular fireworks display from Parintins, Brazil. This was one New Year I was especially grateful to celebrate, having survived December 21, 2012. Years ago I met a Mayan Shaman who was so convincing that something catastrophic was going to happen on that date, that I have always had a niggling feeling he was right.
B
10
W
e had a wonderful adventure however, and on one of the days, while vultures flew above us, we fished for piranha and watched for pink dolphins. Another day we met children with pet sloths, parrots and stingrays, (yes, the Amazon has stingrays). We travelled on a big canoe through a floating village and saw the biggest lily pads you can imagine, while egrets, herons and kingfishers flew by. We watched with fascination at the ‘meeting of the waters’ where some of the river tributaries run side by side without mixing with the Amazon, leaving a distinct line in the water and we saw one of the most spectacular, colourful folklore shows, called Boi Bumba. Our ship was a small ship in the cruise ship world, taking only 650 passengers. We were a little worried it may be too small, but found, other than the entertainment not being as elaborate as the bigger ships, there was still lots to do and an advantage was there was rarely a line up Donna Lynch is author of: 50ish: A journey to for anything. I would 50 countries in 50 weeks interviewing women highly recommend this in their 50s, as well as her newly released photo cruise to those who essay book: Vancouver Island vs the World. want ‘something a little Donna can be reached through her websites: different’ and want to www.50ishthebook.com fully appreciate how www.vancouverislandvstheworld.com fortunate we are!
ut alas, the world did not fall apart and I was lucky enough to explore another area of the world I had yet to see. Our cruise started in Fort Lauderdale, stopped in St. Martin, St. Lucia and Tobago which were lovely, but truly we were there for the Amazon. We stopped at Devils Island before heading 1,500 kilometers up the amazing river. Our stops, in places whose names I had never heard before, Santarem (200,000), Parintins (100,000), Boca Da Valerie (75) and Manaus (2 million) were enthralling. Each gave away a little of what life living on the second longest river in the world was all about. (6,400 kms) My most recent book, Vancouver Island Vs the World, sets out to show how similar our Island is to the rest of the world, but there was nothing I could compare to life on the Amazon. As there are no roads to most of the towns, we shared the river with hundreds of canoes, fishing boats and ferries that use the river as their highway. Houses scattered the river banks, many no more than shacks, built on stilts or pontoons, as the river rises over six meters every year. Even in cities, where there was proper housing, the banks of the rivers were lined with favela’s (slums). Life there is stark and isolating, again reminding us how fortunate we are to live in Canada, on this wonderful Island.
ISLANDgals.ca
ISLAND created by local Island women
gals
SHARING INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION
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CELEBRATING AND CONNECTING THE WOMEN OF VANCOUVER ISLAND AND BEYOND