ISLAND
gals
MAGAZINE
INCLUDED IN THIS ISSUE CARLIE KILDUFF
purpose
THOKOZILE MBONA
mother’s dream
JANE WATERMAN
resilience
MOLLIE KAYE
community
SYBIL VERCH
defy the odds
SHARING AND CONNECTING THROUGH INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION
Volume 3 Issue 3
COVER
In This Issue Publisher’s Note
Sunflower Trio by Gord Duval
3
Call me crazy but…
Sybil Verch
6
Taken at Woodwynn Farms in Central Saanich at Believe in People–A Summer Celebration event. (August 24, 2013)
7
Do you have a favourite island photo you’d like to share? Send it to: stories@islandgals.ca and your photo may be on the next cover.
8
Donna Lynch
4
Doing it the hard way
Mollie Kaye In search of the village
Carlie Kilduff Live and be present …
Gifty Serbeh-Dunn Maureen Eykelenboom
24
Boatin’ on the Bayou
The Shea Butter Market story
Ally Rees
9
25
Ask Ally
Simple purpose
Janet Bauer
Brentwood Bay Divas
10
Emily Madill
26
Acting Locally
Living with chronic pain …What I do
Sarah Daviau
11
27
The polite neighbour
Choose your adventure
Catherine Moffat
Jane St. Pierre
12
Deborah Wickins
28
Life events happen …
Nothing but now …nothing but this
Jane Waterman
13
29
What can’t be seen
Women in wine
Laureen Barry
Vernice Shostal
14
30
Time to celebrate … Dr. Pat Martin Bates
The energy that speaks
Joyce Bezusko
Carmen Waterman
15
Ann Baird
Elaine Lakeman
16
Nancy Wood
18
34
Are my skills still relevant?
Reflections of an amazing experience
Ulla Jacobs
32
If I could go back …in time
Eating green at Eco Sense
Janice Hayward
31
Plan your great escape
Keep your dreams high …
Publisher’s Picks
19
35
Local author book reviews
The law of transition
Terry Dance-Bennink
Grace Cockburn
20
36
Bringing the harvest home
Proud to be Green
Carolyn Burns
Sally Rae Dyck
22
38
Hooked on seafood II—Fin Fish
Every mother shares similar dreams …
ISLAND
gals
MAGAZINE
Find us at www.islandgals.ca or write to us for all inquiries info@islandgals.ca 250.217.2388 Copyright© 2013 Island Gals Media Group No portion of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Island Gals does not endorse or represent any of the products, services or opinions in this publication. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher. Island Gals is published four times a year.
SHARING AND CONNECTING THROUGH INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION 2
www.islandgals.ca
volume 3 issue 3
but...
CALL ME CRAZY
Publisher’s Note
by Johanna Socha
I really do believe there actually is Maybe just the word
enough
to go around.
enough needs some redefining.
I had a great article all ready to go.
And it was a doozy. It was positive, inspiring and motivating. All the good stuff I think we need to hear more of.
And then I read the paper and got a little cranky. I now realize that a little dose of cranky can be just as motivating sometimes.
It got me to change this article. ***
This morning’s paper had an interesting cover story. A local resource centre was shutting down due to funding cuts. PEERS provided support, resources and programs specifically for past and current sex workers, as well as help with housing, retraining, advocacy and public education around sexual exploitation.
They did good work. Funded by an elected government, their budget of $32,000/month was cut in half. Enough of a cut that the remaining half just couldn’t cover the functioning of these programs..
A few months ago, elections were held in my part of the world. Anyone reading this article has had a similar experience. We flex our democratic and free-world muscle and decide who we collectively want as our representatives and decision-makers.
Here’s where I wrap it up.
Once they’re hired, we pay their salaries and extras with our tax dollars.
I wonder how many election commercials that would cover?
Wouldn’t that make us ‘the boss’?
At some point, somebody, (or a bunch of somebodys) sat around a table, drank coffee and made the decision as to how many election posters to print, how many commercials to make and how much this would all cost.
Now I’m not opposed to pre-election campaigning. I’m all for getting your message out there. But what has always irritated me is the ridiculous amount of dollars spent on election advertising. You can’t drive three blocks without a wall of posters obstructing your view. Three more blocks and there they are again.
*** I may not be a mathematician, but a rough calculation tells me that to fund PEERS for one year is less that half a million dollars.
At another table, another bunch of somebodys’ sat around and made the decision to cut PEERS funding just enough so that it would have no choice but to disappear altogether.
And don’t get me started on the TV advertising. You want to be elected. You do good things. The other guys do bad things. I get it.
Now I’ve been an employee, and when I had a big decision to make that cost a lot of money?
Sources have estimated that election advertising costs many millions of dollars.
So why didn’t I know about these advertising costs that I never would have approved of? Why wasn’t I at the table when PEERS got the axe?
Give or take a million. *** volume 3 issue 3
I ran it by ‘the boss’ first.
Why didn’t I get the memo? Did you? www.islandgals.ca
We’d love to hear from you! Write to us with your comments at: publisher@islandgals.ca
In these days of cool reflection, You come to me and everything seems alright. In these days of cold affections, You sit by me and everything’s fine. This could be heaven for everyone. This world could be fed, this world could be fun. This world could be free, this world could be one. In this world of cool deception, Just your smile can smoth my ride. These troubled days of cruel rejection, You come to me, soothe my troubled mind. This could be heaven for everyone. Listen - what people do to other souls. They take their lives, destroy their goals. Their basic pride and dignity, Is stripped and torn and shown no pity. When this should be heaven for everyone ~Queen Heaven for Everyone 3
“…but what really got me fired up
WAS WHEN HE TOLD ME I HAD THREE THINGS WORKING AGAINST ME…”
doing it
THE HARD WAY DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
For some this comes easy, for others it’s hard. Working to pay the bills is a reality, but what if that work was something you enjoyed?
DON’T SETTLE.
I see people taking jobs for the wrong reasons, like higher pay levels, but sacrificing happiness. I was five years old when my parents bought their first house. I remember it clearly as they were so excited, and so was I as it was a change and a move to a new neighbourhood with other kids next door. I asked them how much it cost and my mom looked at me with surprise. That was when I learned what a mortgage was! Scary to think I had an interest in finance at such a young age, but that was my natural born passion and talent. My favorite game happened to be Mr. Professor, a cross between a basic video game and a calculator. Math questions would appear on the screen and I would answer them.
I JUST LOVED IT.
I started earning money at five years of age through lemonade sales and even made clay figures to sell outside our house on the sidewalk. I got my first paper route when I was eleven. The money was nice, but the early morning deliveries were not. At fifteen I got my first real job working in a women’s clothing store and started saving to buy a car when I turned sixteen. So far my life is sounding pretty easy, but things got more challenging when I decided to pursue a career in a male dominated industry. 4
I WAS twenty-four years old when I decided I was ready to be an Investment Advisor. When I shared my aspiration with another senior advisor, I was shot down. This ‘male’ advisor with many years of experience quickly told me that I shouldn’t pursue that career choice. He reminded me that it was an extremely difficult role and that the failure rate was high. That part was true as about 80% fail within the first five years, but what really got me fired up was when he told me I had three things working against me: I was young, female and attractive. Only 10% of Advisors were female at that time (the number now sits close to 15%). Well, if that wasn’t a challenge, I don’t know what is. That was the deciding moment for me to move forward and succeed as an Investment Advisor. I remember sharing the news with my mother who quickly said “why would you do that?” She just couldn’t understand why I would give up a stable full time position as an assistant where I made a reasonable salary with benefits to take an entrepreneurial role with no salary, only commission. My decision wasn’t the ‘safe and stable’ choice. I explained that’s exactly why I am going to do it! I work hard, I’m smart, great with numbers, a natural problem solver and love helping people make the most out of what they have. www.islandgals.ca
by Sybil Verch
MAKING THIS MOVE in my career would give me the freedom to run my business the way I wanted to and eliminated the cap on my earning potential. I saw this as a no brainer. Maybe it was because I was young that I had no fear. Most likely it was because I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do and that excited me. I also had confidence in my ability to do anything I put my mind to. I had some pretty great role models to look up to and learn from. Over the next few years I faced even more obstacles. With persistence and hard negotiations, I convinced a firm to hire me. To get this opportunity, I agreed to help them set up a new branch and worked in a supportive role for a year. The extra year gave me more time to build a business plan and marketing strategy. I was more than ready when the time finally came, so I hit the pavement running. Recognizing that the Campbell River market was underserviced, I spent two days per week there as I had family there to stay with. This presented a great opportunity, but also required long hours and lots of driving. The hard work paid off. In my first year I had built up a solid client base and was managing close to 20 million dollars for my clients. Most new advisors were lucky to manage a quarter of that after only a year. volume 3 issue 3
assistant, a colleague tried to offer her more money to work for him but thrilled and so she saw my potential and stood by was I. My secret me (she ended up making more with to success was me as a result). When I applied for a simple; work hard management role, I was put through and always put numerous interviews, required to take your clients first. a leadership assessment and develop The advisor who a five year vision, previously told strategy and Sybil grew up in Victoria and earned her me I shouldn’t financial analysis. Bachelor of Commerce from the University Sybil gets a final touch-up from friend pursue a career as an of Victoria. She has earned the designations and visual expert Bonnie Pollard In my opinion these Investment Advisor of Canadian Investment Manager (CIM), were all valid steps to be was now knocking down my door Portfolio Manager, Fellow of the Canadian considered for a leadership role, but what trying to find out what I had been doing Securities Institute (FCSI) and was one of bothered me was that the male managers the first in Canada to attain the Chartered to generate such great results. He also did not have to go through the same steps. Strategic Wealth Professional (CSWP) took the opportunity to tell me I had an designation. Entered into the financial THE LESSON I LEARNED throughout advantage as I had three things going for services industry in 1994 and is passionate it all was follow your dream and don’t me: I was young, female and attractive. about helping clients achieve success. A let anyone tell you that you can’t do believer in giving back to her community IT TOOK all my willpower not to remind something. I am pleased to say that and is actively involved in various him that those were the same three things the industry has changed considerably charitable organizations he had told me were disadvantages! and is now actively trying to recruit Chair of the Victoria YM/YWCA Board Along the way I faced numerous more women! of Directors and volunteers time in challenges, as I had to outperform my various ways in support of the Peter Doing things the hard way has been male counterparts to be treated equally. B. Gustavson School of Business. Sybil rewarding for me. It’s the experiences sits on the Womens Advisory Council at I dealt with harassment from my first along the way that have made me who I Raymond James and plays an active role big client, who I subsequently fired even am today. I’m excited to now be part of in mentoring women in finance. Engaged though the revenue his account generated a new reality TV series called “The Hard in raising the standards of the Investment paid my monthly expenses. A manager Industry, she helps train and coach other Way” where I get to help struggling tried to forbid me from servicing the investment professionals. businesses overcome challenges to Nanaimo market as he told me I was Also recognized as one of Vancouver achieve success. doing ‘too well’ and the other advisors Island’s Top 40 Under 40 for her success Tune in Saturday nights at 6:30pm on were jealous. When I hired my first in the Financial Services Industry and CHEK starting September 14th. her passion for helping others. Trained
THE FIRM WAS
Premiering September 14 on Chek TV (www.hardway.ca for details and full schedule)
Business Mentors: Tracy McAllister (marketing expert), Sybil Verch (finance expert), Michael McCarthy (business development expert), Chris Gillen (sales expert) Host: Dana Hutchings (Chek TV) volume 3 issue 3
www.islandgals.ca
by Pusateri Consulting as a co-facilitator for their “Pricing Your Value” program, which empowers organizations and individuals to discover, articulate and capitalize on their unique value. In October 2011, Sybil presented at the Investing In You Conference for female advisors in Vancouver and has also appeared on CTV’s Breakfast Television. Sybil has also been cast as one of four mentors on The Hard Way, a new reality TV series focused on helping struggling businesses succeed, which will be aired in the fall of 2013. Outside of work, Sybil enjoys spending quality time with her husband and son and is passionate about giving back to the community and helps establish lasting legacies through charitable giving. She leads a well-balanced life and makes time for travel, fitness, reading & yoga. Positive, optimistic and enthusiastic and believes you can accomplish whatever your heart desires. Sybil Verch, B. Comm.; CSWP, FCSI, CIM Portfolio Manager, Branch Manager, Vice-President, Private Client Group Raymond James Ltd. 5
Mollie Kaye is a Victoria mother and writer. She is also a founding member of Fernwood Urban Village, a 31-unit, intergenerational cohousing project currently recruiting new members. Visit: fernwoodurbanvillage.ca or find them on Facebook.
IN SEARCH OF
the village
by Mollie Kaye
“I definitely subscribe to the idea ‘It takes a village,’ but who in Nor h America lives in one? Cohousing communities may be the closest alter ative we’ve got.”
W
hen my marriage ended in 2006, I had a toddler and a kindergartener. I had arrived in Victoria pregnant two years earlier, with no extended family nearby. To provide a “happy life” for my children, I moved us into a lovely, 2500-square-foot heritage house in Fairfield, on a lovely street with lovely older neighbours who waved at us from their lovely gardens. We were living a picture-perfect North American dream. Behind closed doors, though, the wheels had come off the wagon. Completely. You could argue that it was simply grief, since my 13-year marriage had just ended in a stunning blaze of acrimony. Underneath the trauma of that major loss, though, was a deeper malaise: we were suffering from a stunning lack of community, companionship and support. I found it overwhelming to be alone in my house with two young children, trying to do and be all things. From their incessant whining, fighting, and tantrums, I deduced that they found it impossible to get their needs met solely by me and each other. It just wasn’t working for us, but I tried to be grateful and appreciate my “nice house.” No matter how nice it was, on some level I understood that it could never substitute for the real stuff of life… the interdependence we needed with others in order to thrive. In the 2011 documentary “Happy,” director Roko Belic travels the world looking for the sources of contentment. At one point, he lands in Denmark, which for years has been deemed “The Happiest Country on Earth.” Beyond 6
depressed.” She says that cohousing was a “miracle” for her. “It saved me, kind of, to find it, because I needed to be surrounded by other grownups, not only my own small children. I’ve lived here for 12 years, and I’d gladly take 12 more.”
the perks Danes share with most of their northern European neighbours (myriad government-funded benefits, high standard of living), the filmmaker finds that “Denmark’s most unique and revealing quality is that it has more of its population living in what are called ‘cohousing communities’ than in any other modern industrialized nation.” Cohousing communities consist of individually-owned homes built around a “common house.” The homes are usually smaller, since the shared amenities of the common house make a larger home unnecessary. If I had access to guest rooms, a large dining hall, commercial kitchen, workshop, art studio, yoga room, and a huge shared garden, I’d be delighted to live in a smaller home—less to heat, vacuum, and maintain. But the simple, elegant efficiencies of cohousing are dwarfed by its enormous, life-sustaining psychosocial benefits. A Danish mother of three living in a cohousing community introduces herself in the film by saying, “When I moved here, I was newly divorced with two little children, not working, and kind of isolated. If I’d moved into a flat, alone, I would have gone down, become www.islandgals.ca
The film interviews a group of Danish children, piled on a sofa, and asks how it is for them, living in cohousing. A 10-year-old girl says: “It’s like a big family here.” Another volunteers, “I have friends at school, and I have friends at home... I have many friends.” Buddies spontaneously connecting on-site... what a tantalizing alternative to scheduling structured playdates! Shared meals, a hallmark of cohousing communities, are another blessing for the Danish mom of three. “It helps me a lot to eat together nearly every evening. We cook one or two times a month, each; eating together saves me about two hours each evening,” and that becomes two hours of connection time with her children. Each household has their own kitchen, so those who can’t or don’t want to come to the dining hall can eat separately, but medical researchers have documented that it is the company of others—not necessarily the food—that nourishes us. The intergenerational relationships that form in cohousing are nourishing as well. “It’s nice to have grown-ups who are always looking out for us,” says one child. The mother observes, “The older people living here are like grandmothers and grandfathers for my children. I feel they love my children as much as I do. It’s a gift, from me to my children, to live here.” volume 3 issue 3
I
definitely subscribe to the idea “It takes a village,” but who in North America lives in one? Cohousing communities may be the closest alternative we’ve got, and Canadians are keen on the idea. About two dozen projects dot the country, ranging from those in the earliest planning phases to completed developments. In 1996, Victoria was home to Canada’s first, now-defunct cohousing, which, through its unfortunate missteps, provided those that followed with an invaluable insight: purpose-built structures and living in close proximity to others does not guarantee a cohesive community. In Fernwood, a cohousing project is currently in development, slated for completion in early 2015. “We’re putting our focus not just on sustainable buildings and gardens, but on sustainable relationships among members, and together learning the listening and communication skills to support that,” explains Bill McKechnie, original founding member of Fernwood Urban Village cohousing. “The people gathering around this project have a very strong shared vision.” Diana Leafe Christian, community-building expert and author of Creating a Life Together, confirms that this is exactly what the most successful communities have in common. Interdependence is a universal human need, and also a strategy to meet other needs: support, companionship, ease, joy, learning, growth, friendship, and fun. I wonder if there are enough of us parents who can see that raising our kids “alone” in a home, even if we have a partner, is not offering us or the children the richness of life we are craving. Instead of each of us individually treading water in our own separate “pools,” maybe we could pool our combined strengths and resources to create more cohousing. Like the Danes (and pre-Industrial-Revolution humans generally), we all could benefit from the many gifts of “village” life.
volume 3 issue 3
Carlie is a life coach for moms, passionate mother, teacher, writer, speaker, and advocate. Carlie promotes self nurture and present living as the best step towards a healthy future for our children, offering unique workshops and a support group for new moms. Visit: carliekilduff.com or her facebook page: Carlie Kilduff: life coach for moms
G
reetings to my fellow Island Gals! It is my extreme pleasure to begin a new relationship with you as I join this team of amazing women. I have recently reconnected with my inner child who always loved to write, and this lovely magazine is a perfect fit for me and the messages that I yearn to share with others. As a life coach for moms, I work with mothers and teach them how to take great care of themselves, how to live and parent in the present moment, how to let go of unnecessary resistance, and most importantly, how to model this for their children. I believe that mothers who can parent from this place will pave the way for a brilliant and sustainable life for future generations on earth. My greatest joy is being a momma to my two precious boys. They are amazing and they teach me my biggest life lessons. I have a fabulous husband and we live in Langford, B.C. Becoming a mother sparked a life altering transition for me, one that took place over four years, spanning the births of both of my sons. Being raised by a very broken, hurting mother, I was determined to be healthier and more emotionally available to my children.
www.islandgals.ca
live... and be present let go... of unneccesary resistance
model...
for your children by Carlie Kilduff
As life took on the turbulence of motherhood that I like to call “the babyquake”, and situations around me largely impacted my well-being, I realized that I had a choice to make. I could continue in the path of pain, or I could step forward and heal. For myself, my precious boys and husband, I chose to heal. I embarked on a journey of self healing, discovery, and learning. It was amazing and it left me knowing that my purpose on earth is to share what I learned with other mothers.
I dream
of a peaceful, healthy, sustainable, and happy life for my children and their children. Times are tough but I believe that mothers, uplifted by community, can work together to teach a different lesson for today’s young. Children who authentically love and take care of themselves will love and take care of one another, all living things, and our sacred earth. The lessons begin at home, modelled by a mother’s love and nurture. A mother who loves herself will teach self love. Love is the antidote to fear, and a new generation of self loving children will dissolve anger, hatred, and violence. It starts with the bond between mother and babe.
This is my grandest dream, and I feel strongly that the times are tilting in this direction! 7
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gals
MAGAZINE
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