ISLAND created by local Island women
gals
SHARING INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION
INCLUDED IN THIS ISSUE BROOKE SACKETT
tenacity
CECILE TURRALL
service
ELAINE SMITHERS
independence
LOUISE CHABROS
hope
DIANE LAMSDALE
friendship
CELEBRATING AND CONNECTING THE WOMEN OF VANCOUVER ISLAND AND BEYOND Volume 2 Issue 2
COVER
Peacock Shenanigans
In This Issue
by M. Tarantino
Ok so Seriously ...
What exactly do you mean by that?
Warming Up Vancouver Island
Cecile Turrall shows us what service is all about
Le ng Go
Emily Madill discovers the freedom
The Why and the Search for Answers Brooke Sackett makes some difficult choices
To Be or Not to Be
Joyce Bezusko shares her choice for happiness
How Much is Enough?
Linda Irvine and life’s expectations
Canvas of Life
Janice Hayward creates a new future
The Light and the Dark
Elaine Lakeman remembers the freedom
My Son’s Addic on
Louise Chabros shares her pain and hope
Trigger Happy
Ally Rees and how words can still sting
Garden Party
Grace Cockburn and how to be kind to your roses
Ukulapha Community Outreach
Carolyn Burns and Slangspruit Primary School
Betrayal
Kate Larsen faces the woman in the mirror
So What’s Wrong with Being Just a Mom Elaine Smithers and the equality of motherhood
Women in Wine
Deborah Wickins introduces Sharon McLean
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Do you have a favourite island photo you’d like to share? Send it to: stories@islandgals.ca and your photo may be on the next cover.
What Has Inspired Me
Germana Rovinelli and the work ahead
Strokes of Determina on
Maureen Eykelenboom and an inspiring cycle
Making a Difference
Gifty Serbeh-Dunn and the future of the girls
Kiki & Peaches
So much more than just a knitting club
Spotlight
Diane Lamsdale and when friends become family
Highlands Gal
Pattie Whitehouse hangs up her dance shoes
Your Horoscope
Linda Standidge with an insider’s view
Universal Law
Ulla Jacobs and why we shouldn’t be afraid
The New Manager
Dona Anderson is now the boss
Bhutan
Donna Lynch shares one of her favourite places
Permaculture
Ann Baird helps us go back to the basics
For the Love of Food
Sally Rae Dyck with some party favourites
ISLAND created by local island women
gals
SHARING INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION Volume 2 Issue 2
Find us at www.islandgals.ca or write to us for all inquiries info@islandgals.ca 250.217.2388 Copyright © 2012 Island Gals No portion of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. Island Gals does not endorse or represent any of the products or services in this publication. The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher. Island Gals is published four times a year.
CELEBRATING AND CONNECTING THE WOMEN OF VANCOUVER ISLAND AND BEYOND 2
ISLANDgals.ca
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Ok so seriously ...
what exactly do you mean by that? by Johanna Socha
• I’m a big fan of chivalry. Why not hold the door open for me? It’s the least you can do considering one of our kind gave birth to you at some point. (NOT A FEMINIST?) • I will gladly hold the door open for any man, especially if he’s carrying something heavy and bringing it to my car. (FEMINIST?)
Publisher’s Note
Feeling a li le
feminist, are we?
I
n the last issue of Island Gals, I made a statement that I still stand by: If every position of leadership and decision-making were occupied by a woman, we’d have the problems of the world solved in a week. I got a number of positive replies to that, and even one “You go girl!” was in there. But I got an interesting reply from a very good friend of mine, who I will affectionately refer to as ‘Poodle’. After reading my editorial, Poodle texted me, told me that it was an enjoyable read, and then asked, “Feeling a little feminist, are we?” I thought about that for awhile, and the only reply I could come up with was, “Huh?” Keep in mind I was born in 1965, so during the feminist heyday, I was riding my bike and going through puberty. I was discovering that I had to wear a bra, and was too young to know that I was supposed to burn it. And the high school debate was all about what Rod Stewart was really talking about when he was asking if we thought he was sexy. So by the time the 80s and 90s rolled around, the shenanigans of the feminist movement seemed to fade, and for some reason, the word “feminist” became a bad word? I decided to give this a little more thought, some extensive googling and I’m still confused. So I’ve come up with a little list of comparisons to see if I could come up with an answer to exactly what it is — that I am. Because I know you’re waiting for that answer Poodle.
Island Gals would love to hear from you! Write to us with your comments at: publisher@islandgals.ca
• I’m perfectly capable of taking out the garbage. I may need to make two trips but who cares as long as I get the job done. (FEMINIST?) • I’d rather you take out the garbage. It’s smelly. (NOT A FEMINIST?) • I agree wholeheartedly that men are physically capable of moving heavier things. (NOT A FEMINIST?) • Women know the more efficient place to put that heavy thing, because odds are we’ll be vacuuming around it. (FEMINIST?) • I don’t need to rely on my looks and wearing fashionable clothes and shoes to prove my worth and value as a human being on this planet. (FEMINIST?) • I really like wearing shoes with a bit of a heel. It’s a great way to steer attention away from my Polish-inherited cankles. (NOT A FEMINIST?) • I don’t need makeup to create an illusion of my worth for the sake of male attention. (FEMINIST) • I can’t leave the house without eyeliner. (NOT A FEMINIST?) • I should not have to wear a bra, as it feeds the stereotype of female constriction created by males. (FEMINIST?) • It took me close to 35 years to finally find a bra that fits and doesn’t have me wanting to rip it off in the car by 4:30pm. I ain’t burning it. (NOT A FEMINIST?) Well there you have it Poodle. I know what I don’t know. But what I do know is that if feminist women’s liberation includes the liberation to be more confident, courageous, content and not care so much about what other people think, regardless of what gender is thinking it, then sign me up and where’s my badge. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with the words to a great song you may find yourself humming after this. C’mon people now, smile on your brother, everbody get together, try to love one another right now.
ISLANDgals.ca
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just a mom SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING
by Elaine Smithers
T
hrough my work and in other social situations, I have been noticing that when asking women about what they do in their daily lives, I often get “Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home mom”. I always wonder why they think they are “just” moms. It is truly wonderful what has been accomplished by and for women in the last century. Equal rights and opportunities at home, in society and in a career setting. We have come so far that it seems being a stay-at-home mother is an exception. Double income families have become the rule, and we have shaped our society and education to fit that choice of lifestyle. At the same time, life has become expensive, especially in a city like Victoria, to the point where having a double income household is no longer a choice but a requirement to keep a family afloat. The consequence is that from a very early age on, children are put in daycare while mothers return to the workforce. At age five, they are entered into the school system. As a result, children spend more time being raised by strangers than they spend time with their own parents. When I look at my neighbour who is fortunate enough to raise her two little girls from home, it is easy to spot the benefits that the children get from such a close upbringing. They get to take an active role in all the daily tasks that maintain the household, something children love doing, and beyond that they get to putter around with mommy in the garden and around the neighbourhood until they are old enough to go to school. Children learn so much just from spending time with their parents. Their world reaches way beyond the confines of the daycare and all their experiences are shared with the parents themselves, rather than an early childhood educator. As a result of women becoming equals in the workforce, it seems many feel they should be ambitious and have aspirations of a fulfilling, well-paying career like their spouses. You are expected to do so, right? It almost seems that being “just a mom” is a second-rate life choice, something that
does not command respect the way a full time career does. To some extent, the independence that women have won seems to have backfired on the way they regard their traditional roles as mothers. But, to be a mother is a 24 hour “thankless” job! Mothers don’t get the recognition that comes with doing a good job for an employer, there are no scheduled lunch breaks or time away to take for yourself. Nor is there a paycheck every month. But isn’t it so worth it? I have tremendous respect for motherhood and from an early age I have known that I wanted to be a mother. I also really want to be able to spend time with my children, and watch them grow. People always say “family comes first”, in a crisis maybe! As for our day to day lives, family comes after work. When daydreaming about my own future motherhood, I realized that simply isn’t good enough. I want to work to live not live to work. I want to call the shots in my own life and truly be able to make my family a priority. I am excited to start a family (next year hopefully), but in the meantime, I’m trying to set myself up for success. I have opened my own little aesthetics business just off Oak Bay Ave. Spiral Tree Day Spa is a space I have created to give people a chance to relax and be pampered even if only for an hour. I don’t like using harsh chemicals, so I have kept it as green as I can. The thing I like most about owning my own business is that it’s always growing and evolving.
I guess in a way it’s like being a mother...
ISLANDgals.ca
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warming up vancouver island by Vernice Shostal
B
orrowing an idea she heard at an international convention in Detroit, 90-year-old Cecile Turrall from the Zonta Club of Victoria introduced the “Warm Up Vancouver Island” project to her club. The idea started with knitting rectangles or squares joined to build afghans. Cecile advertised widely for donations of yarn and “volunteers with knitting/crocheting expertise.” She found her volunteers in care facilities, retirement homes and individuals who read articles in the paper and responded. Using donated yarn, her helpers manufactured afghans, lap robes, slippers, toques, scarves, baby blankets, socks, mittens, or “whatever suits them,” says Cecile. “If they have a particular pattern, or if they have any yarn, they can just use their imagination and do anything they wish to do. It all depends on the supply of yarn that we have.” To date the Project has donated over 4,500 afghans and woolen articles to people in need. The project has benefited the seriously ill, the Salvation Army, Victoria Hospice, Royal Jubilee Hospital, the Saanich Peninsula Auxiliary, Victoria Persons with AIDS Society, Our Place, and Pearson United World College. “A lot of those students come from hot countries and are quite poor,” says Cecile. “They get here and freeze to death.” While other members of the club support the project by picking up yarn donations, storing yarn and afghans and delivering them to various charities, Cecile, continues to coordinate the project she initiated 15 years ago. Cecile’s other contributions to the club have included serving as club president, contributing to literacy projects and celebrating women aviators and Amelia Earhart in January, the month that Earhart and her plane disappeared while crossing the Atlantic. “I did my best to honour Amelia Earhart,” Cecile says.
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The Zonta Bridge Tea and Bake Sale was another of Cecile’s creative ideas. A bridge player herself, Cecile suggested the club’s annual tea be enhanced to a Bridge Tea. The function continues to be a fund raiser every March and November. Funds raised at the teas are used to help advance the status of women locally. In the past, Cecile has attended district conferences and International conventions to keep herself abreast of Zonta International projects. She wholeheartedly endorses Zonta International’s vision for the future where women’s rights are recognized as human rights and every woman is able to achieve her full potential in literacy, access to education, health care, legal and economic resources on an equal basis with men and no woman lives in fear of violence. A service club that works to advance the status of women worldwide, Zonta invites people with business or professional experience interested in improving the lives of Women and promoting Women’s Human Rights and Equality to visit the Zonta International website at www.zonta.org, the Zonta Club of Victoria website at www.zontavictoria.org, or email: zontavictoria@yahoo.ca. To donate used or unused yarn to help Cecile Turrall “Warm Up Vancouver Island,” please call her at 250.386.5483.
Advancing the Status of Women Worldwide Through Service and Advocacy A former high school teacher from the prairies, Vernice enjoys writing, cooking, gardening and golfing for fun. She is inspired by people who work together to promote a world where men and women are considered equal. Mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, Vernice and her husband, Peter, live in Victoria.
ISLANDgals.ca
MY SON’S ADDICTION
A Mother's Story My name is Louise, and this is the story of my son Chris, who is going on 33, and trying to be a recovering addict.
Chris’s delves into addiction I guess probably began in junior high. He’d been being bullied by some ethnic groups.
LOUISE CHABROS
I got pretty outraged, things at that time were very tense in the neighbourhood with different ethnicities, and “groups” as the police at that time were referring to them. They didn’t want to class them as gangs, although parents had no problem classing them as gangs.
So after my son had told me about the threats that were being made on him, I took him to see the police, and the officer just basically told my son to let them get their beats on him, and they would move on. Rather than doing that, Chris found a way to become friends with them, and then very soon after that, he was part of them, and his addiction grew from there.
addict, the enabling stopped. The promises of ‘I’m done doing drugs,’ and knowing that, believing that when he was saying it. He was being very sincere and very true, and yet that craving for the drug would take over and the strength would be gone when the craving became strong. Chris has been homeless; not homeless on the streets in a sleeping bag, but homeless bouncing from couch to couch.
I’ve heard it said that addiction is like playing Russian roulette; No one knows when they take that first drink or do that first drug, if they have the addiction gene or not.
People do that for years.
They do what many people do socially in society with no repercussion. Nothing happens to them. But someone with an addictive gene does the same thing, and they are addicted.
I believe that a lot of people also believe that people make the choice to be an addict, or homeless.
That’s what happened to my son. He played Russian roulette with drugs and addiction became that result. I don’t believe any addict has ever taken a drug wanting to become an addict. His dad and I just didn’t know. I guess we were in denial for an awful lot of ... for the first several years, which caused a lot of enabling by giving him money. He was working for his dad and ... “I need 50 bucks before payday ... you’ve earned it, OK.” And then when we found out that he had become an
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We, society doesn’t look at them as homeless because we don’t see them.
See a homeless person and well ... go get a job... and a lot of people who are homeless are working. A lot of addicts are working. Chris has worked for most of the years, since he left school at 16. For many years he was plumbing for his dad’s company and right now he’s just started with another company. Never gotten his schooling for plumbing though, that’s always been a challenge. The need for money to fulfill the .. living... whatever his living is at that time, be it addiction or whether he’s been not doing drugs, and just trying to survive. As family of people with addiction and mental illness, a lot of our friends don’t want us talking about it. It’s taboo, or our family member “brought this on themselves” and they’re no good, and it makes it hard as a family member. Who do you talk to without judgement? Who do you go to for advice? Our federal government believes in building more jails to house the addicted, mentally ill and homeless. They don’t see mental illness and addiction as diseases.
ISLANDgals.ca
When Chris was younger and we first learned of his addiction, had we had lots and lots of money, he would have been able to go into treatment for 30 or 60 days. But at the end of the money or at the end of the term, whether the addition was treated or not, he would have been done. We need to focus on rehabilitation, education for prevention so that people have an understanding of ‘if I make this choice to do this drug, I could be embarking on a journey I never want to go on.’ What makes the difference with therapeutic farms is even if it takes years? They’re there. The impact of Chris’s addiction is, I think for me ... is the feeling of helplessness.
I see his potential, I see his compassion and his heart. I see all the good in him, and know that there’s nothing I can do ... there’s nothing that I can do. It’s my hope that our government will quit building more jails, and put the money into places like Woodwynn Farms that truly treat the problem. This isn’t just a Victoria problem. It’s not an island problem, it’s a worldwide problem. We as society need to start standing up and telling our governments they need to help take care of our people. It’s my hope for my son that he will battle his addiction successfully and be able to ... down the road ... be reunited with his four year old son, who he now can’t see. Since he was young and was sneaking out his bedroom window at night after we’d all gone to bed, I surround him in white light and pray for him to be safe, and that I’ll hear from him tomorrow.
The homeless are your neighbours be affected
About Us We are the loved-ones of the homeless, addicted and/or mentally-ill in communities everywhere. This group is to be a powerful voice for our struggling loved-ones, by challenging public policy, and calling for meaningful actions to be taken to ensure that they are treated with the due Dignity, Respect and Compassion they deserve, as equal members of our community. Our Vision Remove the stigmas from homelessness, addiction and mental illness, facilitate in getting this population of people back into community by giving them the support and the tools needed to reclaim their self-worth. Our Mission To end discrimination against the homeless, addicted and mentally ill, and to www.dignityclosetohome.org be a support group for the families of those struggling with these challenges. Our Values: Accomplishment, Respect, Love, Compassion, Integrity, Loyalty, Honour, Dignity, Support, Honesty, and Celebration Our Imperatives Respect to each individual; Acceptance, Empathy, and Understanding
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ISLAND created by local Island women
gals
SHARING INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION, HUMOUR AND INFORMATION
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CELEBRATING AND CONNECTING THE WOMEN OF VANCOUVER ISLAND AND BEYOND