Editor-in-Chief, Annette Johnson Design Director, Joey Shepherd Online Editor, Bianca Nelson Travel Editor, Peggy Hattendorf Social Media Director, Tamara King Editorial Assistant, Britney Hardweare Sales Manager, Mary Carr Special Projects Manager, Veronique Thomas Contributors: Jennifer Adams Fran Bishop Lauren Carson Jovia D’Souza Sara Jackson Jaime Johnson Sol Ami Patria Larita Rice Kyree Shockley Jack Wilson Taylor Rica Wiersema Lenise Williams Cover photo: Thao Doan Customer Service For subscription service or change of address, including email, contact info@hersmagazine.net or write to P.O. Box 1071, Atlanta, GA 30301 Hers (ISSN 2372-3785) is published six times per year by Allwrite Communications, 241 Peachtree Street NE, Suite 400, Atlanta, GA 30303 404-221-0703
October
CONTENTS F E AT U R E S
10 Breaking Rap Stereotypes: HeeSun Lee
The Asian rapper adjusts to career independence and motherhood
35 LaShon Thompson’s Real Life Hustle T.I.’s Ex Talks New Life and TV Show: Mother Funder$
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War Room Over Comes in the Box Office: The Kendrick Brothers have done it again with the of their leading lady, Priscilla Shirer.
52 Ronda
20 Versatile Transitional Outfits for Your Home: How to Create a Décor Foundation for Late Summer into Fall Tips for transitioning home décor from summer to fall without changing everything
Rousey
32 Here Comes Sex Ed 102
Should a woman really do EVERYTHING that a man can?
52 Reality TV’s Unintended Victims: The Family
New show provides answers to lingering questions
The real consequences reality TV families are paying for the price of fame
9 Health and Beauty Benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar
This kitchen cabinet wonder can be a natural remedy for beauty disasters
40 Grey Hair Is a Top Trend for 2015 Stop hiding those grey hairs and wear them proudly, you’re a trendsetter in 2015
50 Seven Tips to Becoming A Stylish Mompreneur Don’t let those mom jeans hold you back from getting your next client
80 Bowling for Food Malika
Bowling Shares Dining Insight and Inspiration
55 How Wearable Technologies Are Shaping Our Future Incorporating
wearable technologies into daily life can improve healthy living
68 Tips on How to Avoid Giving Discounts on Your Business Three Ways to Avoid
Requests to Discount Your Services
28 Beauty from the Inside Out Lizzie Velásquez documentary reveals her ‘Brave Heart’
H E R H E A LT H 15 The Four P’s of Staying Focused Tools on how to persevere during hectic and challenging time
weight loss morale
The best ways to see Autumn in its prime
you the one who is making yourself nuts?
serial entrepreneur took notes and
54 Straight Outta Competition: Ronda Rousey Should a woman really
do EVERYTHING that a man can?
58 Wondaland Proves Teamwork Make the Dream work on Eephus Tour A review of her latest tour’s final stop in Atlanta
79 Can People Make You Crazy? You blame them but are
now shares them
Harris argues the way to a man’s heart IS through his stomach in her new book
78 How Often Should You Step On the Bathroom Scale? Obsession with checking the scale can be harmful to your
16 Arian Simone’s Life Lessons ‘From Homeless to Hollywood’ The fearless
22 Can a Sex Cookbook Be the Answer to Your Relationship Issues? Myra
82 Women Instinctively Have What It Takes To Make Partnerships Work Through Partnership: Review Is girl power really the answer for shattering the glass ceiling?
66 Ah…Autumn---The Perfect Time to Travel
72 R&B Ladies of the ‘80s”: Spotlight on Monifah Catch up with one of the most popular music divas from the ‘80s
83 Day in TV’s ‘Paternity Court’ Resolves Real-Life Questions New Reality TV shows to look out for in the fall
71 Hobbies That Pay: Personal Shopping
Getting paid to shop seems too good to be true, right? Wrong.
6 ISSUES FOR
JUST $9.95
F E AT U R E S • H E A R T • F L AVO R • H E A LT H L E S S O N S • W O R K • P L AY W W W. H E R S - M A G A Z I N E . C O M 6
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Editor’s Letter My feelings about this issue are encapsulated in one statement: beauty is immaterial. Beauty is an energy that excites more than just our eyes. It inspires us to love, care, change, and hope. Among other things, it is witnessed in the motivation that drives selfless deeds. Our cover girl, Lizzie Velásquez, exudes beauty in this less common alignment of the term. In fact, if you have never been called beautiful for nonphysical traits, you still have growing to do. To that end, we have loaded this issue with women who are attractive in an unconventional sense. Whether it be their mind or heart, these women share their journeys in music (Heesun Lee), marketing (Arian Simon) and even meals (Malika Bowling), which have all ended well, garnering them fame and fortune. However, each woman had to redefine and embrace beauty in an alternate regard in order to overcome their circumstances. Once you read their stories, hopefully they will inspire introspection and reflection. No one succeeds alone, and throughout my life, this has been a recurring theme. Even if you think you have done it all by yourself or mainly by yourself, that success will never be enjoyable or fully satisfying alone. So when we highlight topics like love and even travel in this issue, you’ll see that everything is better with a
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companion. The key is to find the “right” friend, mate, spouse and the like to share your experiences with. Maybe you already have that person(s) or you’re still looking. Either way, never get too busy or isolated to recharge and reconnect. There is someone out there who needs you as much as you need them, and this has nothing to do with sex or money. It’s about a pure bond. We created HERS magazine for this reason. This is our place to connect to other like-minded women. Some you may never meet personally, but the admiration and empathy still exist nevertheless. This is all you need to at least feel connected. Welcome to HERS, and invite a friend. Until next time, Annette R. Johnson
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N O N -T O X I C
NAIL POLISH BY JOVIA D’SOUZA
The bottles of nail polish that you see lying around within your household or beauty centers come bearing a dirty secret most of the time. What we mean is that most of them, if not all, contain lots of chemicals that can pose a health hazard to your health. It can have a very strong smell and often leaving us wondering about the cause and whether it is supposed to be that way. There are a few nail polish options that are not toxic. They are the best option for you if you really care about your nails and it is really worth a try. Common Toxic Substances in Regular Nail Polish
There are some issues that regular nail polish has. It is because of the toxic substances they contain, giving you more reasons to try non-toxic ones. They include 3 chemicals: 1. Toluene, which is a chemical that can cause central nervous system issues and problems in the reproductive area as well as dizziness. It is a chemical present in gasoline. 2. Formaldehyde is a carcinogen used in the preservation of the dead and lab preparations. This chemical shouldn’t be inhaled or come in contact with skin
Mineral fusions: This one is long lasting and a chip resistant polish that is free of the bad chemicals. It is available in over 60 shades and the thick brush makes application easy.
some of the proceeds go to organizations empowering women. ·Scotch Naturals offers amazing colors and doesn’t have chemicals. · Keeki is a 100% biodegradable, gluten free and vegan polish variety.
· Sheswai is another natural brand. Instead of a plastic cap, wood that is sustainably harvested is used and some of the proceeds go to the World Wildlife Foundation. · ZOYA is another great choice without the toxins. It also doesn’t have formaldehyde resin or camphor. The shades are many and it lasts long.
· SunCoat is yet another amazing option that has a twist. It can peel off meaning that you will not have to use nail polish remover. It doesn’t last as long as the others though.
3. Dibutyl phthalate DBP is a chemical banned in Europe as it causes organ issues, reproductive issues and can disrupt the endocrine system. The other healthy option
Now that we know about the bad effects of toxic varieties, it is time to choose healthy ones. The fact that there is an option in natural nail polish should really give us hope as we can take care of our beauty needs without causing ourselves any harm.
· Color Club is a vegan nail polish and it isn’t tested on animals. It doesn’t have toxins.
· Julep by Jane Parks is yet another amazing There are amazing choices brand. It dries fast and has vibrant colors. that don’t have the above toxic It comes with a very professional brush and ingredients and they include: | HERS M a gazine | Se ptember/O c tob er 2015 | 8
Water based nail polish brands are more than what have been listed above. Always make a careful selection as your nails always deserve the best there is. For the best water based nail polish brands available in the market today and try out the non-toxic nail polish that will not harm your nails. Always choose the best to have the best nails ever. Article Source: http://EzineArticles. com/?expert=Jovia_D’Souza Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9144448
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The Health and Beauty Benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar BY JAIME JOHNSON
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id you know there is a product with a multitude of benefits that may already be in your kitchen’s cabinets? This wonder product has nutritional and health benefits, can be used in beauty treatments, and can even be used to clean your home. What is this miracle product? It is Apple Cider Vinegar. ACV contains acids, such as lactic acid, which provide the vinegar’s health and healing benefits. This vinegar is a powerhouse with antiviral, antifungal, and antibacterial properties. When used externally, ACV helps the skin maintain its natural acidity levels. Maintaining normal acidity levels are important for the skin, as it helps the skin to repair itself from damage. When the skin’s acidity levels are not at their normal levels, the skin tends to be dry, itchy, and may even crack. What are some of the ways you can use ACV in your beauty routine? Treat acne with ACV by dabbing your trouble spots with a diluted ACV solution. Mix a teaspoon of ACV to tablespoon of distilled water. Use a cotton ball to lightly pat the mixture on your acne and let dry. This mixture helps reduce inflammation and kills bacteria living on the skin. Lighten age spots by mixing ACV and lemon juice, 1 teaspoon of each, and dabbing over the discoloration. Allow it to dry. This mixture must be used at least once a day and people have reported positive results within six weeks. Be sure to use sunscreen any time you are out during the day to prevent reappearance of these spots. ACV is a popular remedy in the treatment of dandruff because of its antibacterial properties. Massage the vinegar directly onto the scalp and allow it to sit for fifteen minutes. Wash and rinse hair as normal. Have foot odor? During your next foot soak, add 1 cup of ACV to the water. ACV is said to help remove the odor and also will help with any itching or dryness your feet may be experiencing. For best results, use unpasteurized ACV. The pasteurizing process tends to neutralize many of the benefits of all natural products. The good news is that it is easy to make your own ACV
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at home. This recipe is not complicated, but it will require some patience. You will need: • Two large glass jars (a gallon size is best) • Muslin, cheese cloth, or a kitchen towel to cover the jar • A rubber band • 5 large apples* • Distilled water • 1 cup sugar Chop the apples and place them into the bottom of the glass jar. Make sure you include the entire apple (stems, seeds, peeling and all!) Completely cover the apple pieces with distilled water and stir in the sugar until it is completely dissolved. Cover the top of the jar with the cloth and secure it to the jar with the rubber band. Allow the mixture to sit on your kitchen counter for a week, being sure to mix the contents once or twice a day. After the first week, strain the liquid into a clean jar and discard the apple pieces. Cover the jar with a clean cloth and secure to the jar with a rubber band. Allow the mixture to sit in a cool, dark place for an additional 4-8 weeks. It is normal for the mixture to develop a whitish culture on top and this should be left in the jar during this period. *Feel bad wasting perfectly good apples on this recipe? Just save the peelings, cores, and seeds from consumed apples. You want enough to fill up at least half of the jar you will be making your ACV in. The final results will be just as good as if you used whole apples. Taste your ACV and if you are happy with the level of acidity, strain the liquid and store in clean jars. Now go and use your homemade ACV as suggested above or in any other way you desire. Jaime Johnson’s passion for all-natural products started as a challenge to produce high-quality health and beauty products, at home, from common household ingredients. This research lead to the creation of her book, Natural Beauty (www. naturalbeautythebook.com).
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B R E A K I N G R A P ST E R E OT Y P E S :
HEE SUN
LEE Chances are, when you think rapper, you automatically think of names like Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, Tupac Shakur, and so forth. Hip-hop is a maledominated genre, and even popular female rappers like Nicki Minaj or Lil Kim pander to male proclivities in their hyper-sexualized performances, which some critics blame, in part, for the demeaning, derogatory lyrics about women. Content analyses have found that approximately up to 37% of rap lyrics contain some misogyny. Queen Latifah once challenged this attitude in her song U.N.I.T.Y. in 1993, declaring, “Who you calling a bitch?� Moreover, today, few non-African American females get into the rap business much less attempt to break the stereotypes. BY RICA WIERSEMA
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hether led by her own sense of passion or God, as she would say, Heesun Lee has dared to break the stereotype of the female sex object and racial slant in rap music. As Heesun’s songs suggest, she isn’t afraid to make her own style of hip-hop. She isn’t covered with gang symbols and tattoos, yet her style is urban, cutting-edge and all her own. Fans are drawn to her because of her blatant honesty, her trust in their intelligence, and her confidence in who she is regardless of expectations or stereotypes. Born in South Korea, HeeSun was adopted by Chinese immigrants and brought to Staten Island as a child. She originally got into poetry and rap as a way of processing her emotional journey while growing up, and her debut album “RE:Defined” was released in 2008 with Jahrock’n. Her second album, “Stereotypes” was released in 2014 with In My City Records. Her songs explore the world of teenage drugs and depression (“Runaway,” “Life is Too Short”), being a female rapper (“Plastic,” “Role Model”), being a wife and mother (“Special Pick”), and even the reality of the danger that North Korean Christians live with every day (“North Korea”). She currently lives in New York City with her husband, Timothy Chi, and daughter, Kayla. And Hers caught up to find out more about her future plans, especially, because she just announced in July that another baby is on the way. We wanted to hear how that would change her already-radical lifestyle. “I just think hip hop in general, whether it’s the Christian community or the secular community… just women in hiphop is just… it’s very rare. And I myself, I’ve been doing this for so many years. I still kinda get it, and I kinda don’t get it. Because it’s just so out of stereotypes, and that’s pretty much why I call my album [“Breaking Stereotypes”]. Not because I’m an Asian-American doing hip-hop, but also because I’m a female. “You know, I feel like the world just kind of looks at us a little bit differently because we are female. They have more doubts, restrictions, limitations, and there have been so many females — especially in the Christian community — that have really been doing a great job and trying to prove them wrong. And for some reason people still place that on us, because they might be scared to book us. It’s harder dealing with a female, especially traveling, doing chores… the Christian side of things, kind of. You can’t put women and men together, so when you’re going on tour busses and stuff like that… and I have a kid. It’s hard to travel with them.
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“When you’re doing an all-male tour, or just booking males all the time, it’s just so much easier. So I feel in a lot of ways, people just go towards that… because it’s just more maledominated, because their faces are more well-known, and also because it’s just easier. So I feel like people don’t want to go that extra mile for a female, which is sad. That’s why I’ve been trying to work really hard and let people know that regardless of what we are we’re just as good. We’re just as talented. We’re bringing the Word. We’re saving lives. It shouldn’t really matter about those restrictions. As corny as it sounds, God will make it work.” So being a mother and a rapper, how are you managing to keep it all together while traveling, recording and so forth? Yeah, it’s been hard. I’m actually pregnant right now… and that was actually a hard decision in itself. As a family, when you want to have another kid, you’re just like, ‘Oh, financially, can we do it? Are we ready?’ You know, all the basic things that people worry about. hers-magazine.com
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With being an artist, more comes into play because you have to travel a lot, you have to give a lot of your time to doing things that are not really a normal nine-to-five job. So my daughter right now, she’s going to be 4 years old, and nobody sets an age gap —what’s right and what’s wrong—but I wanted to have a kid two years apart. I kind of put that on hold because I was working on my music career. At the time, I was signed with a label, and you know, for all the right reasons — I understand where they’re coming from — they’re very sceptical about me having another kid because it would just add so many more problems to the problems I already have with one [kid]… Not that they think I couldn’t do it, but they saw how hard it was with one. So I understood that, but obviously, I went ahead and did it anyway. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I have a very supportive family. My mom is very involved with her grandkids, my daughter. So she’ll help me. How do you handle your performance schedule with a small child? It’s just… with one right now, I take her pretty much everywhere I go, and that in itself costs a lot of money. People who book you for shows, they’re not going to pay for your daughter. Then I’ve got to bring my husband with me, because who’s gonna watch her? And so that right there are two tickets that I’ve got to pay, and so my label’s like, ‘You’re going broke, you’re losing money off of your career.’ Which kind of makes sense, I understand where that’s coming from. But as a mother, I want to bring her, you know? So that’s always a challenge I had— I still have. So with two kids, I’m definitely going have to leave the newborn at home. It’s going be hard, but we’ll find a way to make it work. So, all of that rambling to say, it’s not easy. People just see a female show up for a show, and they’re just like, ‘Alright, go kill it.’ They don’t know all the stuff that went behind the scenes for me to get there. For male artists… not saying all male artists, you don’t know their situations, but… I would just assume that it’s a little bit easier for them. All these challenges come into play, and I really believe that’s a lot of the reason why there has been no female artist in Christian hip-hop who’s really made it to the top-top. Of all the challenges you have as a female rapper — female, Asian, Christian, and now a mother — which one is the most challenging for you? I definitely think it’s the ‘mother’ part. You know, the ‘female’ thing is definitely hard, but not being conceited or hers-magazine.com
anything, but it’s like, ‘You know what? I’ll show ‘em, I’ll prove ‘em wrong.’ And also that’s the Asian thing, too. I’m sure people will limit my success because in the back of their heads they’re like, “How could she be good? She’s female and she’s Asian.” Or you don’t know who’s racist. I have no idea. I’ve never experienced this, but maybe some people wouldn’t book me because I’m Asian? I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m just assuming again. But those type of things you could kind of overlook because I can’t really control that. That’s just what God made me to be. And He knew what he was doing, and He gave me this calling, so I know I’ll make it happen. When I was 22, 23, I was like, ‘Oh, I’m gonna blow up right after college.’ I had all these aspirations. I see these young females now, they are who I was ten years ago, and I just shake my head… Now I’m married and I have kids and it’s just a totally different situation. Does your family come to every concert, or at least the sound checks? My husband [Timothy] is there 95% of the time, which is amazing with him. He’s a police officer, so his job’s very demanding, especially now. So he’s been doing a lot of overtime, but… if you look up on his Instagram or his Facebook, I mean, 80% of his posts are about my career. He’s just very supportive. He travels with me almost everywhere. Obviously, I couldn’t do this without him. So yeah, he’s always there. If he could rap, he’d be onstage with me. My parents and the rest of my family, they’re more in the background. My mom comes if I need her to watch Kayla; she’s always there. Even though she’s not at the show, she’s always supporting me because she’s helping me with my kid. So I really couldn’t do this without them. For your daughter Kayla… if she says, “Mom, I want to rap,” would you encourage her to follow in your footsteps? I would, I would. I would lay it out for her. I would let her know all the obstacles that she would have to face… A lot of people tell me this too, that, ‘It’s actually a great thing that she comes and travels with you.’ You know, she’s young, so I don’t know how much is being absorbed… but I’m glad that she’s being exposed to this, she’s seeing what it’s about. She’s so in love with music. She always wants to have a microphone in her hand or an instrument… or a DJ set, the Fisher Price ones… so she’s very musical. I know a lot of parents say that about their kids, but I definitely see it in her and that she takes a lot of attention towards that. I would like to hope that I had | Se ptem ber/O c to ber 2 0 1 5 | H ER S Ma gazin e |
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something to do with it. I tell my husband all the time, ‘I don’t mind anything she wants to be, as long as it’s positive and it’s helping the world.’ Again, as corny as that sounds, I’m never going to restrict her because I think something’s too hard for her because hey, I’m trying to do it. So I would want her to do the same.
to. I’m also going to be putting out some videos every month up until January. So we’re going really hard now. I’ve been in the studio every week. Yeah, it’s the only time I have. Because by November, I’m gonna be too big to walk… so I’ve really got to go hard now. So we’re really making it happen, which is good.
Do you think that when your daughter gets older, it’ll (stereotypes) be easier for her? I think it’ll be easier… I started doing this like 2004-ish or 2005. I don’t even remember. But at that time, females were just so non-existent. Like, there were a few. And I still try and give them credit, too, because the females today, I feel like a lot of them have no idea who opened the doors for them. So a lot of the New York artists like Light Da Flow Minista and Shekinah, they were all doing it, so I give a lot of my success towards that. So now I see so many young girls, even in New York, that are saying, ‘Hey, I want to be a rapper!’ And they’re thriving; they’re doing their thing. It’s getting more popular… We’re still not there yet because there’s limitations, but when there’s so many people barging into the door, eventually it’s going to open. As long as more females keep encouraging each other— I think that’s the thing with the females, we have to unify more, encourage more. A few of us, we need to have more dialogue together — and once we come together and more females see that, they’ll be encouraged by it. Within ten years, there’s no way we can’t be more successful, so I’m hoping for that.
A lot of your lyrics and messages come from your own life and personal experiences. Do you think that the next few months… all that you’ve been through — you’re no longer with your label, you’re independent, you’re pregnant again — is that inspiring new material? Yeah. Yeah, it is. Because this is the first time I’ve actually really been independent. You know, ever since I’ve been rapping, I’ve always been with some type of label: whether they were small labels, big, or whatever. I always had a backing. This is the first time I’m paying for everything; I’m doing everything on my own. Yeah, I have the support of other people, but it’s really just my career. So it’s inspiring me. I’m in a really good place. I’m happy with my decision being independent. I think it’s helping me grow a lot, and it’s going to show, definitely, in my lyrics. I’m a different person now — in a better way.”
Do you know the gender of the new baby? It’s another girl! Everybody wants boys. But I look at it – this is a personal thing. But you know they’re both going to have been born, Godwilling, in January, so I could get a lot of the old clothes, the toys… I could save a lot of money on the new baby. So I’m looking at the positive. You know, Kayla will have a sister now. So it’s a blessing anyway to have a kid. Are you doing any recording now while you’re taking some time off? Yeah, yeah. So my plan right now is, I haven’t put out an album since last January, 2014. It’s been a year and a half, so what I’m going to do right now is, I’m going to put out a mix tape, and a lot of it is just going to be industry beats and Korean covers. I’m going to try and — this is our aim, here — get it out by January, before my daughter’s born, and this way I can have something out. This way, when my daughter’s born, I can relax a little bit and have stuff out there for people to listen
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Are we going to get any surprises — other than the baby — from you in the upcoming year, the next twelve months? Yeah, I’m definitely going to be putting out videos, but nobody really knows that. I’m just telling you right now. I just actually put on social media two days ago that I’m coming out with a video. It’s gonna drop in September, and I’m going to put one out every month after that, and maybe drop some singles here and there. You know, everybody keeps saying to me, ‘Oh my gosh, when are you going to come out with something?’ And it’s literally been over a year and a half now. So I’m just grateful that there are people still willing to hear my stuff. Because it’s been so long… so I get it, you know, people always need to be hearing stuff constantly. So I’m very grateful for my fans that they still want to hear what I have. It’s difficult to say for certain whether Heesun’s music will spread to the end of the earth, but if I had to wager a guess myself, I’d say there’s definitely more in store for her in the future. Why am I so certain? Because one of my father’s high school P.E. students recently asked if the song coming through the speakers was by Beyoncé, and if that’s not a good sign for a female rapper, then I don’t know what is.
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THE 4 P’S OF STAYING FOCUSED BY LARITA RICE
In today’s world, we are faced with many challenges on a daily basis that interrupt our stamina and stop our flow. They seemingly come at the most inopportune times. Some of these challenges may include loss of loved ones, business, and relationships. At times, it involves just plain struggling to keep balance and focus. I have encountered all of the above.
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uring my journey as a woman of faith, business owner, pastor, author, and single mother, I had to come to grips with the fact that no matter how great things may be going, growing, and flourishing, life happens and storms will come out of nowhere even when the sun is shining brightly. The question is: how will we respond? Here are some simple tips that you can use. I have put them into practice and received great results, allowing me to thrive from the highest peak of life to the lowest valley of life. I refer to them as the 4 P’s of staying focused. The first one is Perception. What you see is what you get. What we tend to fix our eyes on – whether it is internally or externally – is seemingly what will begin to manifest. Perception creates energy that fuels manifestation. As a man thinketh, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). I love the glass half-full/halfempty analogy. Seeing the glass half empty could cause a loss of momentum, but if you see it as half-full, it fuels you to finish well. The second P is for Passion. If you are going to stay focused on a task, it will take passion. It’s the compelling force that drives you to keep going no matter what. Some refer to it as
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“enthusiasm” or “excitement” for something. Having passion makes any task seem less difficult. The third P will change your life forever. It is one that you cannot afford to abandon. Just as your eyes open in the morning and before you close them at night, you should release it. You should use it for every idea, endeavor, decision and relationship — whether it is business or personal. It’s called Prayer. This is the key to your divine instructions. It provides the answers and clarity to all of your uncertainties. It gives you peace on what to do and when to do it. It helps illuminate the wisdom needed to take your next steps toward victory. Whatever you do, don’t abandon prayer. Prayer also reveals this last P called Purpose. Purpose is the beginning and end of all things. We should always remember the reason behind what we are doing. It helps us to reach the endpoint with greater peace and satisfaction. Purpose is fulfilled by staying the course no matter who or what may come or go. As a woman of faith and business with a burning zeal to finish strong and well, the 4 P’s of staying focused — Perception, Passion, Prayer and Purpose — can yield results in every area of your life, as it has mine. | Se ptem ber/O c to ber 2 0 1 5 | H ER S Ma gazin e |
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Riches to Rags and Back Again:
Arian Simone BY ANNETTE JOHNSON
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ust call her “an entrepreneur,” she says. That is the simplest way to describe the multifaceted life and career of 34-yearold Arian Simone. “I’m in love with the creation process, seeing things come to life.” Now with six streams of income, Simone says she has earned a six-figure salary since she was 21 in college and owned a boutique in the mall. In high school, she was selected as one of the 20 students from around the country to receive a college scholarship from the Coca-Cola Scholars Foundation. Instead of going to her first choice of Harvard, she attended Florida A&M University (FAMU) School of Business and Industry (SBI) in Tallahassee, Florida, where she signed up for the five-year MBA program. “I’m so glad that I made the decision because I wound up being a businesswoman so heavily while I was in school,” she explained. By her sophomore year, she was a state of Florida realtor, and by junior year, she was operating her boutique. In her first day of business, Arian says she made $5,000. At times while in college, she thought, “Why am I going to class?” Focusing in college was admittedly difficult because she already knew what she wanted and was making a good living. She started college with a 4.0 and ended up with a 3.7, as she juggled her classes, career and ambition. FAMU requires three professional internships in order to graduate, and Arian asked the dean, Dr. Sybil Collins Mobley, to make an exception in her case to allow her to do the third internship at her own company. “I was not about to leave my business to go jet off to corporate America and help other people with their business,” she said. With Dean Mobley’s blessing, she was allowed to apply her business training by doing something she loves: being an entrepreneur. With her grandmother, a housekeeper, as her motivation, she completed her studies in under five years. While, she said, other students were asking her about attending fraternity parties, she was more focused on mingling with the likes of Russell Simons in Las Vegas, where she would fly out to attend celebrity events. After moving to Los Angeles for her first job after college, the company was sold and she was laid off
+ HER PERSONAL GROWTH
after working for only one month. She ended up being displaced and living in her car. She applied for more than 150 jobs with no luck and ended up on welfare and collecting food stamps to survive. She was homeless for almost a year before she got a break doing PR and marketing with her former co-worker’s spouse. Even without a background in marketing, she seized the opportunity and began rapidly adding new clients. Armed with faith and help from a friend, she got an office space in LA, where she was able to both live and work. She used the space to also network with celebrities who were being interviewed on the hip-hop station 100.3 FM, The Beat, in the same building.
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After meeting her inspiration, Coach Ken Carter (on whom the movie, Coach Carter, is based), to take on corporate clients, the rest, as they, is history. From living in her car to owning her own PR & marketing company, Simone shares her “testimony” in her new book Homeless to Hollywood (August 14, 2015). Her company, Arian Simone Enterprises, provides public relations services for major studios, including Sony Pictures and Universal, and music labels. From Lil Wayne to Chris Brown parties, she has hosted star-studded events surrounding the Oscars and Grammys. She, however, hasn’t represented individual actors or artists until
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HER PERSONAL GROWTH +
recently when the mother of rapper, K Camp, asked Arian to represent her son. She doesn’t do music as much as she used to because she says, “It took up some much of my time and my life.” Working since age 11, she says she has always had a strong work ethic. She had two jobs in high school. “I was raised with the understanding that you had to work.” She admitted that this can be both good and bad, differentiating between being busy (“busi-ness”) and operating a successful business. She asserts that American culture can have people in state of staying busy without handling business. “It’s really not about how hard you work. It’s about what you produce,” she explained. “A lot people could be putting a lot of hard work in all the wrong areas.” Even in the year she ended up homeless, within the next 12 months, she still earned six figures. “That,” she says, “comes easy to me.” Her success, at times, seems effortless. “I surprise myself all the time. It only took this much to get what I desire.” In an effort to give back, Simone launched a non-profit organization, Live Your Dreams, to help youth in identifying their gifts and talents while educating them on non-traditional careers. The Arian Simone Foundation is her latest endeavor in which she attempts to inspire the women in her former homeless situation. In establishing the foundation for homeless women, Simone wanted something that could speak to both her personal experience and her business endeavors. The PATH Gramercy Housing, transitional shelters for women in California, adopted Simone’s curriculum, which officially began use on Sept. 1, 2015. Prior to becoming homeless, she viewed homelessness as something related to poverty, never imaging that she or anyone from her similar upper middle class background could fall into this circumstance. It was a “slap in [the] face” and something that Simone regards with compassion and empathy. She was recently speaking at a shelter where she wanted to hear the women’s stories. “When I was standing there listening, I was just in awe by everybody’s story… None of them were born homeless. They all just hit a certain circumstance[s] that they couldn’t bounce back from.” During speaking engagements, she typically reminds her audience of this principle: “You can lose your house, you can lose your car, but you can’t afford to lose your mind. If you just maintain a winning attitude and a state of victory, it will come. I can’t tell you when and I can’t tell you how, but it will come.” Despite her optimistic outlook and certainty that most every
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situation will work themselves out for her betterment somehow, she is selective about who she allows in her personal and professional circle. When engaging new clients, her main question is not whether they can afford the services, but rather, are they a fit? She says, “I don’t take on everything that comes after me. I ask myself, ‘Does the culture of what we do match the culture of what it is they have going on?’” Once when she was dealing with a lackluster employee, she realized that she was allowing optimism to impede her otherwise high standards. She recalled a statement she heard from a CEO of a major corporation who said, “Stop trying to make ordinary people extraordinary and get your extraordinary people.” She explained, “It happens so often being a female because we’re nurturers by nature. We’re always trying to nurture the potential in somebody, where this man was like, ‘You’re spending too much time on that. Just go get what it is you want.’” Currently single, Simone knows the type of man she wants in personal life, including God-fearing, secure and successful. She says she has been close to marriage on more than one occasion, in fact. Her father recently made light of her decision to not move forward in marriage with a man who her family adored. Once her father discovered that Simone’s high-profile ex was in the media facing some negative publicity, he chided her, saying, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t get married this last time you almost got married?” She says she continues to learn and grow from each relationship. “The candidates get better and better because I’m getting better and better.” Meanwhile, the two things she’s working on now is being more patient. Even with seeing the vision for a new project, she has to remind herself, “Some things just have to take their course… so wait until it takes its course.” She is also working on better financial planning. Her goal is to get to a place where her money is working for her, not vice versa. “I desire more,” she says with a chuckle. “I desire to do greater things with it too. I believe that you can never go broke giving.” Believing that God has called her to do “big things,” she says. “I have 8, 9, 10-figure dreams.” Ariane’s Advice • • • •
Chart your own path. Never place a period where God has placed a comma. Don’t conform. Learn to enjoy life on your terms.
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+ HER HOME
VE RSATILE TRANSITIONAL OU TF ITS FOR YOU R HO M E:
Summer into fall HOW TO CR EAT E A DÉCOR
Foundation for Late
BY JENNIFER ADAMS
+ HER HOME
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chool’s starting, the sun is setting earlier, you can feel that touch of fall in the morning air… that magical weather between summer and fall is truly a bonus season! Cooler than summer and warmer than late fall, the afternoons and evenings are still nice enough to enjoy the outdoors and entertain in your backyard. Along with your long sleeves, lightweight sweaters and jackets, it’s as refreshing as the weather to pull out some transitional outfits for your home décor. And save yourself some time later in the year by making decorating decisions that offer a foundation for your own holiday touches! Creamy warm tones, whites and grays set the stage for holiday accents later in the year. Warm tones are comforting as the weather cools. And not only are whites beautiful and trendy, they go with anything including traditional fall décor and touches for: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and even Christmas and New Year’s parties! Out with the breezy, light fabrics and in with wool, velvets and heavier weaves. Swap out your wispy drapery panels and throw pillows for heavier prints and velvet. Colors can be darker and warmer, too. Spicy yellows, deep oranges and reds mixed with plum purples are more seasonable than cool blues and greens. Add layers to your decor, just as you would for your wardrobe. Add tablecloths and runners to bare tables, area rugs to wood or carpeted floors, and cozy throw blankets to your sofas. Dinner place settings can be more
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formal. In hot weather, who wants to clean all those dishes? It’s fun to dress up your table décor for fall. Add a charger under the dinner plates, more elaborate centerpieces and heavier fabrics for table cloths and napkins. Change up your scented accessories! The richer, warmer scents add romance and comfort during the fall with candles, potpourri, diffusers or electric warmers. Use deeper, spicier scents –think vanilla, musk, woodsy, leather notes and more complex scents rather than light florals. Dress up the powder room. Replace white towels with richer tones, add metallic touches to the accessories and freshen the potpourri. With a strong décor foundation of creamy tones, whites and grays, here are some ideas of how you can build upon and customize your look for the fall holidays. Halloween: Switch out your tablecloths, placemats and napkins. Substitute your gray tones for black, and accent with orange! It’s a simple way to change up the kitchen for Halloween while still matching with the rest of the fall décor. Put away your dinnerware. Carve soup or dessert bowls out of pumpkins for a natural, fun take. Play with varying sizes of the pumpkins for individual servings or dishes to be served family style. Paint your pumpkins and gourds. Use a combination of black, gold and silver metallic pumpkins to decorate the house in a spooky, but sophisticated manner. Naturally white pumpkins add an eerie but elegant touch, too.
For your centerpieces and other accents around your home, fill large clear vases with the smallest pumpkins, painted or not, mixed with black ribbon, candies in Halloween colors, and use lots of creepy looking candles in trays. Electric candles give off all the glow and less of the worry! Thanksgiving: Create organic centerpieces! Use a carved-out pumpkin as a vase for fallcolored flowers and leafy twigs. Put on a silver or gold platter and surround it with gourds, dried whole cranberries, apples and leaves. Add bowls of nuts still in their shells along with small pumpkins and line up apples on the mantle. Decorate the table with real leaves. Collect colorful leaves, wash them in a colander and place them between paper towels. Stack books or magazines on top of the leaves to press them for a few days until they’re dry. The flattened leaves scattered on top of a white tablecloth look great and they won’t take up much space. You can set dishes, even wine glasses, right on top of them. Burlap is inexpensive and can make fun rustic place mats and runners for your table. Cut to size and overlap pieces if necessary. Don’t even bother to hem the edges; the way the fabric unravels adds a delightful rustic touch. White and off-white candles span the holidays and look beautiful year round. Stock up when they go on sale, so you’ll be ready. Tie gold, yellow or brown ribbon around the base of the candles for Thanksgiving. Use thicker ribbon for tall candles.
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MYRA HARRIS BY ANNETTE JOHNSON
NEW BO O K S H OWS H OW-TO - G E T-A- M A N M E A LS 22
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+ HER BOOK
If modern woman morés haven’t altered your thinking and you still believe – even remotely – that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, Myra C. Harris’ book, How to Get a Man: From the Kitchen, To the Bedroom, To the Ring, is just the thing for you. She includes both her favorite recipes, including Turn Off the Lights Crab Balls, and music choices to set the tone for an evening of delectable food in just the right ambiance. In her own words, Myra tells us about the book, its origins and its potential: Q: Why did you decide to combine food with romance? M: My book is actually a guide that will help ladies please their man. The recipes are actually a path to his heart and the fantasies help you to imagine the possibilities. When writing the book, I thought of all the great things that I like and desire when I’m with my significant other. So the book actually encompasses fantasies and recipes. In addition to that, it also gives you a selection of songs that you would like to play while you’re preparing the meal. And it gives you drink recipes as well as wine suggestions. Of course, the funny part is you get to wear your sexy apron, stilettos, and red lipstick. Q: So, which of your recipes is the one that really reels them in? M: Actually, there are two. The first, I’d say, is my red velvet waffles with the chicken tenders, as well as the lobster mac and cheese. Q: Were you able to hook a man using any of these recipes? M: No doubt! That’s how I was able to compile the information in my head to write the book. Q: After cooking for so long, how did you decide which recipes would go in the book?
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M: I think just over the years of cooking and just the review[s] I’ve gotten over the years. I like experimenting and I’ve just gotten to a point where I know the things that people like. Q: Did you end up in this career by accident or is this something you knew that you were like born to do? M: No. It was definitely an accident for me because, growing up, I didn’t want to do anything in the kitchen. When I was living in Atlanta, a gentleman that owned a restaurant ⎯ I remember him reaching out me one day ⎯ and he said, “Do you have a recipe for a pound cake?” I was like, “No I don’t bake, but I’m sure I can ask my mom.” So I reached out to my mother, at that time, and I started baking. I really enjoyed making those cakes and then researching different flavored cakes. Then I realized, I had a passion for it. So over the years, not only did I start with making large cakes, but I even had a little baby cake business. So I make miniature cakes, they’re about 4 inches in circumference, along with [other] deserts. So not only do I cook, but I also bake. So it’s definitely been a transition for me. When I was younger, I never thought about being a baker or a cook.
Q: Do you have anything that’s quick and easy for the professional women – quick, easy, get-a-man recipes? M: Well, it all depends on how much time that you think you have. With an hour and a half, you can definitely prepare the waffles. They don’t take very long. I didn’t want anything that was too complex for that very reason because I feared that some of the customers may or may not know how to cook. So I didn’t have anything too complex, even though some of them have quite a few ingredients. Overall, I would say that ninety percent of the recipes in the book can [be prepared] within an hour and an hour and a half timeframe. Q: Does the book provide any other tools for busy women? M: There may be some readers that have never had romantic evenings and maybe are not familiar with setting up the mood with some nice mellow music, candles, music in the background, and some nice chocolate-dipped strawberries. Maybe they’re not familiar with that, so it actually gives them information on how to set up a romantic evening. Q: Do you ever give any advice in the book or is it really just about the mood and scenery? M: It is a guide. It really is a guide that gives you recipes. Now, in terms of,
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does it educate you? Yes, it does. Two different things I can think about, one in particular: in the book, any ingredient that is an aphrodisiac, you’ll notice it notes “tempt your senses” and it explains what that ingredient is and what makes it an aphrodisiac. In addition to that, it also gives you ideas for fantasies. In the Valentine’s Day fantasy, just to share that with you an example, it ends where “the gentleman” (because in the whole book, she calls him “The Gentleman” and he calls her “Princess”), after they’ve had this very romantic evening, presents her with this beautifully wrapped gift. It’s a pair of chocolate thongs *laughs* and it ends where she can barely get them on before he’s taken a bite out of them. He basically indicates that the chocolate, it tastes exquisite, so it must be from 24
Belgium. So it gives you some ideas for being a little spicy. Q: What would you say to people who would challenge on the fact that a woman should cook for her man? M: Well, I’ve had married women approach me and tell me they don’t need the book because they already have a man. But things get stale in a relationship, whether you’re married or single, and you need to do something to add some excitement. So the book actually gives you ideas to add a little bit of spice ⎯if you will⎯ to your relationship. Because a lot of times, once you get in relationships, maybe you used to dance for your man and now you stopped doing it. You used to wear makeup, comb your hair, put on some perfume,
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and now you just walk around with your sweatpants on and your hair flying. So it’s definitely something that’s needed. Not only that, but a man feels secure knowing that his lady is going to make sure that the family is taken care of when she cooks, and it’s a way of showing a person that you love them. There are a lot of modern women that don’t like to cook. Truly, they believe they don’t have to. But most men⎯ if they have a choice, they are going to choose the woman that can cook versus the woman that cannot. A: The recipe names are quite interesting. How did you come up with the names? M: Everything on the menu has a song name. When I started writing the book, I wrote down all my favorite songs, so hers-magazine.com
+ HER BOOK
that’s what’s on the menu. We have “Say My Name” Baby Back Ribs; “Turn Off The Lights” Crab Balls; “Breathe Again” Cream Cheese Glaze; and “Here I Stand” Red Velvet Waffles. Q: What about the strawberries? M: “Come Get to This” Chocolate-Dipped Strawberries Q: What’s the greatest compliment you’ve gotten from a man after preparing one of your meals? M: Will you marry me? *laughs* I’ve gotten that a few times actually. Q: What do you do full time? M: I am a contract technical writer for the Federal Communication Commission. Q: And so you leave that and run to the kitchen? M: No doubt! Q: So is it on the weekends or after work that you get in that kitchen? M: Let me just tell you: I make time for anything that I want to do, and I love cooking. Actually, I was at the FCC when I wrote the book. So you make time for the things that you choose to do. That was something that I challenged myself with, but it was really easy for me to write as well. I just don’t feel like there’s an excuse unless you just don’t want to cook. Because there are so many recipes that are good and that don’t require a lot of time. So you don’t need a whole day to prepare a nice meal, and a man appreciates a home-cooked meal. I mean, and a woman should appreciate a home-cooked meal as well. Q: What’s your next book? M: It might be titled How to Get a Man to Cook for You or perhaps How to Get a Man and Keep Him – one or the other, at least something along those lines. Hardcover: 122 pages ISBN: 0983073163 Publisher: LeTay Publishing Price: $15.99
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6 ISSUES FOR
JUST $9.95
F E AT U R E S • H E A R T • F L AVO R • H E A LT H L E S S O N S • W O R K • P L AY W W W. H E R S - M A G A Z I N E . C O M 26
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“ALL SHE NEEDS IS A LITTLE SUPPORT” We need more than just flowers and a card on Mother’s Day. We need your support year-round! Have a project that never quite got off the ground due to lack of funding? Fund Her Projects (FHP) is an innovative funding platform just for women. FHP is not your typical crowdfunding site, as it allows members to promote a well-intentioned cause and request needed items within the community.
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+ H E R FA M I LY
Lizzie Velรกsquez D O C U M E N TA R Y R E V E A L S H E R B R AV E H E A R T 28
| HERS M a gazine | Se ptember/O c tob er 2015 |
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+ H E R F E AT U R E
W
hat do you do when the world judges you as deficient? You either succumb and retreat to a denigrated life or you somehow find sufficiency in your existence by choosing happiness. Not only did Elizabeth Ann “Lizzie” Velásquez choose happiness, she decided to show others how to do the same. Once dubbed as the “world’s ugliest woman” by cyberbullies, 26-year-old Lizzie Velásquez is a motivational speaker and author who suffers from a rare congenital disease that only two other people are known to have. Among other symptoms, the condition impedes her from accumulating body fat. For 25 years, her condition was just “a big question mark,” says Lizzie. Last summer, doctors diagnosed her condition as neonatal progeroid syndrome, which is not terminal, but they haven’t determined the cause of the disease. As a patient, Lizzie can be snappy at times, which she says depends on her mood. A scene in her documentary, A Brave Heart: The Lizzie Velasquez Story, captures her apologizing for snapping at one of her doctors, who responds saying she’s always nice. She admits that she’s stubborn and is the pickiest eater in the entire world. “I have the palate of a 5-year-old.” She says she doesn’t cook because she doesn’t have the patience for it. Consequently, she either orders out or eats at her parents’ house, which is only a few minutes away. She can’t drive because of her vision, but it’s something on her bucket list and the one thing that keeps her from being completely independent. She lives by the mantra “anything is possible,” and her life has been as testament to that. Born four weeks prematurely, her birth weight was 2 pounds 11 ounces. She is unable to gain weight, and has never weighed more than 64 pounds. Despite her physical limitations and public scrutiny, she graduated from Texas State University with a major in communication studies. Her first published book, titled Lizzie Beautiful: The Lizzie Velásquez Story, which was co-authored with her mother, Rita Velásquez, is an autobiography released in 2010 in both English and Spanish. She subsequently wrote two books directed towards teenagers, with whom she shares inspirational personal stories and offers advice. In the second work, Be Beautiful, Be You (2012), Lizzie shares her journey to discover what truly makes a person beautiful, teaching readers to recognize their ‘unique gifts and blessings.’
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Choosing Happiness (2014) was written about a year after college when she was figuring out what to do with her life. She recalled, “The theme of choosing happiness just kept coming up in so many different ways in my life… No matter what I do, the option to choose to be happy is always there.” During this transitional period, she said she also learned to be firm about what she wanted and to take risks. “I think a lot of women compare themselves to other people, no matter if you realize you’re doing it or not. I caught myself doing it pretty often. When they would walk in the room, I’d think, ‘I wish my jeans fit like hers or I wish I look like her. She has it so easy.’” She began to purposely make an effort to stop comparing herself to other women because she says it would lead to negative thoughts that just weren’t helpful at all. One day, she just started randomly writing things that she liked about herself. She posted the list on her bathroom mirror where she could see it every day. She read the list every day until she truly believed the things on the list. She called it “The Love Yourself List.” Anytime she would start comparing herself to other people or begin feeling bad about herself, she would remind herself of the list. She includes this activity in her book Be Beautiful, Be You. She does this activity during speaking events around the country, and she says young girls especially will come up afterwards and tell Lizzie about their lists: how it’s helped them love themselves from the inside out and the difference it has made for them. “It’s just so special for me because I can see the smiles and happiness in their eyes. I can see the difference it’s made.” Beyond her immediate family and close friends, she has an online support system of people who she refers to as “my Internet friends.” She says, “I don’t know them personally, and I’ve never met all of them face-to-face. But they are the ones who keep me going because they have been following me and supporting me for so long, way before I was ever really known in the media.” She values them being part of her life and joining her online for all of her life’s adventures. “To turn the camera on and be comfortable enough to just cry with them,” she mused, “and let them know what’s going on and to share the good and the bad days with them, so they see that I’m not always happy because I am human. I am a hormonal girl who does sometimes have bad days.” Using her online platform, she feels as if she is a friend to the friendless. “A lot of people who subscribe, especially to my YouTube channel, may not have a lot of friends in person,
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but I’m able to turn a camera on and be their friend and be there for them all the time. That is really, really what keeps me going.” When it’s time to relax, she finds respite in simply being at home alone. “I love just going back to my apartment where it’s nice and quiet. I put on my pajamas, put on a onesie, eat junk food, play with my dog and just lay in bed or on the couch for a whole day and not feel guilty about it.” She calls this routine her absolute “favorite thing to do.” With a hectic travel schedule, she says it’s hard to keep up with her friends even when she is at home. “I love to going to dinner with them and catching up about their lives to really know what’s going on.” Always concerned about more than just herself, Lizzie laments not being able to give them one-on-one attention. As special as she may be, she has some of the same hang-ups as the rest of modern society, namely our cellphone fixation. “I always tell myself, I’m going to turn my phone off today, and it never works. I’ve even tried giving my brother my phone to change my passcode so I can’t get in, but I just figure a way around it.” She jokes, “One day it’s gonna happen. One day, I’m gonna disconnect.” She admits that her smartphone obsession is a fear that she might be missing something significant. She says she gets all of her news on Twitter and likes to keep up with what’s going on in the world. In addition, using her phone to send text 30
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messages or photos is the easiest way to keep up with friends and family. “It’s like a little piece of home that’s with me all the time.” Her greatest personal challenge is going out in big crowds or public places. “The difference now when I go out is that I will see people staring at me, and I’m not really sure if they’re staring at me because they recognize me and know who I am or they’re staring at me because of how I look. And I don’t think I’ll ever not have the thought that they’re staring at me because of how I look.” She says her self-conscious reaction is instinctive, a fear deeply entrenched since childhood. She feels like hiding at times and not wanting to be there. She describes her recent experience at an Ed Sheeran concert in Austin, Texas, where she mentally prepared herself beforehand for the gawking. She wore a romper that exposed her legs, and the entire time she kept reassuring herself, saying, “It’s okay. You’re with your friends. Focus on having fun.” To her surprise, within 10 minutes of being there, a line of women formed, waiting to greet, hug and take pictures with her. “It was just so, so sweet,” she recalls. She compares this crowd’s response to people’s reaction in her youth, when people would ask her parents, “Why don’t you feed your daughter? What’s wrong with her?” Because of people’s insensitivity, Lizzie says her parents are still protective of her even while she now lives on her own.
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When she was applying for college, she was looking for places that weren’t in Austin, where she was raised. “I wanted to prove to them and myself that I can handle things on my own.” She ended up attending Texas State University, which is about 20 minutes from Austin. She wanted to live on campus to get the full college experience. To that, her father recommended, “I will pay you every month to stay living at home, just so I can keep an eye on you.” She laughed at the suggestion, replying, “No, I’m sorry. That’s not gonna work.” She moved out and loved it. Still, she had to call home to ask her mother how to do laundry because she had never done it before. She has been living on her own ever since then. In high school, she felt no one would ever know what it felt like to walk in her shoes. However, today, she knows that to be untrue because she realizes through her interactions that people suffer with all kinds of insecurities. She is abnormally normal, to an extent. “When I was 13 years old, I really would pray every night and just say, ‘God, give me some miracle where I could just wake up and look like just everybody else, be able to buy clothes that fit, and be able to go to theme parks.’” She used to look at her medical condition as a curse, but now sees her situation as “the biggest blessing in the whole world.” She says her condition may cause her physical weakness, but it has inadvertently generated her mental fortitude. “We so
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often focus on what we don’t have when we need to focus on what we do have. I don’t have vision in one eye, but I do have vision in another. For that, I wouldn’t ever change anything.” She credits her parents for providing the foundation of her positive outlook. “From day one, they just built the biggest, the best, the most supportive foundation that they could. All I knew is people around me [at home] who were so happy and supportive. They never showed that they worried about me or were upset for me in front of me. My dad always tells us, ‘It could be worse.’” While she spreads her message of self-acceptance and love to others around the world, she must be mindful of physical limitations, especially given her weakened immune system. When she feels like she is starting to get sick, she halts the trips or curtails the physical interaction. “I’m not really good at resting,” she chuckles, “because I feel like I’m wasting time. The doctors don’t really like when I don’t [rest].” There is little time for rest now, as the release of her documentary, A Brave Heart: The Lizzie Velasquez Story, premieres on September 25, 2015. The film features private moments with Lizzie’s family, including her parents, Rita and Lupe, and siblings Chris and Marina Velasquez. Originally featured during the South by Southwest (SXSW) Film Conference and Festival in Austin, on March 14, 2015, the movie will be featured in select theaters in major markets and on Digital HD and On Demand. | Se ptem ber/O c to ber 2 0 1 5 | H ER S Ma gazin e |
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SEX ED 102:
SEX L E T ’ S TA L K A B O U T
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BY SARA JACKSON
ex—the make it or break it of all things. With so much on the line, it’s strange to think that many people only discuss it in hushed tones. And while some of us shy away when discussing sex, the media bombards us with it through advertisements and entertainment, taunting our fear of taboo. Well Saxy Butler (SaxyB), the creator and host of the new daytime talk show “Sex-ED102TV”, strives to eliminate that fear, diving head first with her fellow panelists to hold discussions that people only have with their closest friends, partners, or simply themselves. Butler took time to chat with Hers, giving us the 411 on what we can expect to learn from the show and providing insight on healthy sexual and romantic relationships. Understanding Sexuality Sex-ED102TV makes its debut during a time where sexual identity is increasingly being explored. Thanks to the LGBTQIA community, people are becoming more aware of the varying types of sexual identification (transsexual, transgender, asexual, intersexual, pansexual). Although the show seems to mainly focus on heterosexual relationships, Butler wants the show to provide viewers with understanding of their own sexuality as well as tolerance and understanding of their peers’ sexuality while incidentally gaining knowledge for herself in the process: “I would love to have Caitlin Jenner or a [transgender] teen on the show because I’m confused...I think that would be something that I need so that I can move forward in understanding what I’m crafted to do with the show because I don’t want to be prejudice. I don’t want to biased. But I want to understand. And right now, I don’t understand how you can lead a lifestyle for so long. And then one day, wake up and say, ‘this is not who I am,’ and be so bold enough to make that change.
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I think that would be my dream interview,” Butler said. While Butler admitted her struggle with understanding, she assured Hers that her comedic relief and the wellbalanced panel will make room for good discussion. According to Butler, the panel consists of a progressive, “walking encyclopedia” (Dr. Mikael Black, MFT); a community-minded, “word-on-the-street doctor” (Dr. Courthney Russell); a “Bible-thumping and politically conservative” co-host (TV personality Rashad Richey); and another therapist in-the-know about the “fundamentals of sexuality” (Courtney Geter, LMFT). They are all ready to tackle the hard topics and take sex education to the “next level,” Butler said. Sex Education: Something for Everyone As the show’s title suggests, Butler wants to take sex education past what we’ve learned during our kindergarten through 12th grade school years: abstinence. Essentially, our whole developmental stage is framed in denying and ignoring our sexual nature— often for religious reasons or parenting restrictions. Butler recalls a conversation with a sex trafficking victim who regretted her of lack of sex education; the exchange gave her insight on what her viewers might possibly need. “She said ‘if there’s one thing I could change in my life, I would have received more information when it came to being a responsible adult and handling sex—learning more about sex. Because there’s parts of my body that I don’t understand: the reproduction system…there’s a lot of women out there…we sit around and we don’t know what’s true, we’re just talking’,” Butler told Hers. With an awareness of their demographic’s (men and women, ages 21-65) varying knowledge and interests in sex education, the show strives to inform and entertain
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their viewers as they explore sex education, often using visual props and “infotainment” demonstrations. “We wanna make sure we bring in the right props for education. You name it, we have it…just to demonstrate what points the doctor’s trying to make. We will have an exercise coach coming in. We have a chef that’s coming in, providing us with the type of foods that will help us get into the mood— promote stimulation without medication.” Butler sees the world as a place where continuous sex education is much needed; she sees her show as an entertaining tool for filling the void. Sexual Dysfunction: A Common Problem The least we should’ve learned in our sex-education classes is: sex is not just candles and roses—we all wish it could be though. It comes with uncomfortable topics that Butler and her team of sex pundits are not afraid to address. Butler filled Hers in on an upcoming episode in the season that deals with sexual dysfunction—the last conversation any person wants to have with anyone. Sexual dysfunction can be described as anything that interrupts sexual pleasure, delays orgasms or results in no orgasms at all. Butler gives her viewers useful and honest information, getting an individual to speak about their own sexual dysfunction on the show and allowing viewers to see that it affects more people than we think. “It’s so hard-hitting and the special guest…is really going to open up to the public about sexual dysfunctions, the entertainment industry and how they were able to identify that they had a sexual dysfunction without even knowing it.”
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Shattering sex stereotypes Along with erasing the stigma of sexual dysfunction, Butler wants SexED102TV to challenge racial, sexual stereotypes like “once you go black, you can’t go back.” She contested the stereotype saying, “I’ve dated men outside of my race before and, trust me, men come in all sizes.” Butler also wants to shatter stereotypes that set restrictions on how women should behave in sexual relationships. “I don’t believe in rules,” she told Hers. Butler said that many women, especially women from 25 to 40, want to “test the goods.” But she keeps an open mind to relationship restrictions, showing interest in talking to women who have participated in the 90-day rule (waiting 90 days before having sex in a new relationship) and have had successful results. On a separate note, Butler wants to dig deeper and discuss men’s physical desire of Instagram beauty standards in women. “Big booties are not all men want,” she said assuredly. But she admitted that the “Kardashian age [we’re in] is making it hard” for her to tackle and debunk these myths about men’s desires. Having a healthy relationship and sex life Changing ideals about sexual desire and stereotypes are not all that Butler’s new show has on the menu. She also hopes that the show will encourage her viewers to “cultivate healthy, responsible relationships.” Butler shared that implementing “complete communication, trust, and understanding of our past [experiences]” into our romantic and/or sexual lives is the key to enjoying a healthy relationship. She stresses that couples— married or not—need to be aware of the changes in stamina and desire in
themselves and with their partner. She applied the “once an adult, twice a child” saying when she discussed the ups and downs of desire and excitement in a relationship. According to Butler, women and men peak sexually at different times in a relationship, especially for married couples who have been together for years. “I was ready to have fun…he was trying to have a profound relationship and I wasn’t trying to do that anymore,” Butler said, giving Hers a snapshot of her past experiences. She went on to emphasize that understanding past romantic and sexual relationships can be a tool, propelling you forward to successful future relationships. With all this insight on relationships, sexuality and education, it seems that Butler and company have a lot of ground to cover on the show. With the debut quickly approaching, Hers asked Butler if she thinks she’ll ever run out of sex topics to discuss, but Butler counts on sex’s ability to sell as a predictor bright future with Sex-ED102. The proof will show itself this fall. Check your local listings to tune in.
Sara Jackson, a graduate of Kennesaw State University, has a passion for learning and noticing beautiful things that bloom. Although her educational background is in psychology, she remains a committed student to life experiences and love.
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LaShon Thompson’s REAL LIFE HUSTLE BY ANNETTE JOHNSON
Up until her appearance on Bravo’s new reality TV show Mother Funders last season, most people wouldn’t recognize LaShon Thompson, the show’s bubbly Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) secretary at Bethlehem Elementary School in Locust Grove, Ga. When, however, she is mentioned in context with her famous ex-boyfriend, rapper T.I., then everyone may recognize or acknowledge her existence as the mother of their sons, Messiah and Domani Harris. Today, with a family of her own, including husband, TeShon, daughter, Ajah, and stepdaughter, Niya, she emerges with her own role and distinct tale. What made her come from behind the scenes to do a television show?
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Getting New Exposure
She had done a couple of other TV show pilots before but says they really weren’t a good fit. “Everybody was coming at me about doing TV shows, and it was always something about baby mama, something with baby mama in it. Even if it wasn’t in the title of the show, it was the first thing I say on my casting tape: ‘Hi, I’m LaShon. T.I.’s my kids’ dad.’” True Entertainment, the production company for Bravo TV’s Mother Funders, was the first production company that did not ask if T.I. was supportive or to “tell me something about your kids’ father.” She adds, “I haven’t even mentioned T.I.’s name during filming, period, the whole season that I have filmed with Mother Funders. So this is where I’m supposed to be.” LaShon and her six co-stars’ kids all attended the same elementary school, where she had been trying to get on the PTO. “I’m usually at the school volunteering anyway,” she explains. “I work from home, so I have a flexible schedule.” One day, Carla Stephens, the school’s PTO president, asked LaShon how she felt about doing a TV show. After some initial cynicism and questions, Carla urged her, saying, “It’s going to be positive. It’s going to focus on us raising money and donating it to the school, very family-oriented.” After that, LaShon said she was all in, along with fellow PTO board members Shayzon Prince, Robin Dyke, Amber Bryant, Amber Coulter, and former member Shana Koorse. “All of the ladies on the show, including myself, are very passionate about what we do on the PTO board for the school. That is the God’s honest truth.” Apparently, the school PTO has a different flavor than LaShon remembers growing up, when it was the PTA, the national Parent Teacher Association. She enjoys what she calls the “lavish events” that Carla and Robin, the volunteer coordinator, organize. In addition, her glamorous co-stars don’t look like anyone’s mother, she says, reminiscing about how PTA mothers in her time came dressed to school meetings. “They’re beautiful, and they really, really, really have a passion for what they do for the school.” With apparent respect and admiration for everyone, LaShon doesn’t personally foresee any on-camera spats with her cast mates, which is typical of many reality TV shows with a female cast. However, her optimism can’t curb any tensions that already existed, such as between Carla and Robin. “[They had] outside drama that was taking place before filming. I think that kinda spilled over into filming…”
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She laughs while admitting that she will “act a fool,” but she doesn’t want that nor does she think that anyone else does either. “I don’t think that’s what anyone’s about, and I talk to everyone on and off camera, personally…And everybody truly wants the best for their family, and everyone cares about the community… So I don’t think anybody on this show can really take me there.” Who will be the star on the show? She deems everyone as a star in their own right, but as far as defining roles, she clearly asserts those of at least two others. She feels Robin would be the very first drama star. “She will shine brightly in that department.” Carla, on the other hand, is the “boss lady,” who LaShon looks up to and respects as a voice of reason. Ultimately, she says, “…if they stay in their own particular lanes, then I think that everyone has room to shine.” Hustling in Real Life
Her real-life role is taking care of her family, as the “momager” for her kids’ acting and music careers, the manager of her husband’s trucking company, as well as the mother. Still, she admits, “I want my own. Yes, it’s ours, together, but I still want my own. I feel like every woman should have her own. You need a fallback. Not saying that you’re setting yourself up to fail or just in case you fail, but you still need your own fallback. I don’t have that.” With her sons, Messiah, 15, and Domani, 14, filming Family Hustle, and Messiah focused on acting, she hardly has a moment to herself. “I had to take time off from filming in December because [Messiah] had a movie gig, and he’s a minor, so someone had to be on set with him all those hours, all day… That was like 19 days of filming for him.” While her husband is away driving, she is responsible for taking all the children to their respective activities, including her youngest son, who is into music. “I’m with him, taking him to and from the studio and interviews. And he has little paying gigs and things that he does. I don’t have my own thing right now.” Keeping in line with her current responsibilities, she one day wants her own children’s talent management agency. “I’m already managing my kids with their entertainment…I plan on evolving into a boss because right now, I feel like momma. I feel like mom.” Chuckling, she says, “A lot of people think that stay-athome moms don’t do anything.” That is clearly not her situation, though, as she also makes times to regularly visit her ailing mother. “My mom, she had a stroke, and she was a drug hers-magazine.com
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“This is my story, but I know so many other women have the same story, and their kids’ dads aren’t celebrities.” abuser. And my whole life growing up, that’s all I saw. Now she has to stay in a nursing home because she has an onset of dementia.” Her mother, 65, was “vibrant” and “funny” before the stroke. “She didn’t seem her age, she didn’t act her age, and she got around fine.” LaShon says she visits her mother three to four days a week, and she takes the kids along, although not as often as she goes. “I take them down there, and we take her
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out to eat. We sit there and play bingo. We play cards with her and the other people at the nursing home.” Needing Support
Before supporting everyone else, she had to figure out how to get support, namely for her two small children. She met Clifford Harris, Jr. when she was 12 years old, and he was 11 living in College Park, Ga. Driven and ever focused on music, he carried around notebooks full of his rhymes. She always | Se ptem ber/O c to ber 2 0 1 5 | H ER S Ma gazin e |
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“A lot of people think that stay-at-home moms don’t do anything.” felt he would be a star, saying, “I knew he was going to be who he is now.” The childhood sweethearts had their first son when LaShon was 21 and had the second, one year later. She remembers the first time people started to publically connect her to the famous rapper. “Actually when he got arrested, the first time, I lived in College Park. His mom was on the news covering her face, but she showed a picture of the boys. I never understood why she did that. But after that, people were coming, knocking on my door, asking, ‘T.I. your kids’ daddy?’ and this and that.” With the new attention came new challenges. Somebody broke into her apartment and stole everything she and the boys, who were 7 and 8, had. Terrified, she said she called T.I. for help. “He gave me some money to replace everything that was stolen. I was so grateful. He told me that he was going to buy me a house. He said, ‘Pick what you want; I’ll get it.’” Once she found a house in Clayton County, he evidently didn’t buy it, but he did help her get into the house. “When it came down to buy[ing] the house, T.I. ended up not purchasing the house for me, but he did give me some money to move into the house. Because it was a short sale, he gave me the money to pay the taxes on the house and to move into the house.” She says they had a “good” co-parenting relationship until she was in the house and couldn’t maintain it. “I had a job that I loved,” she says. “I was only making $10 an hour, and I could not get [my employer] to give me anymore money. I was working full-time and then I was going to school part-time.” With mounting bills and meager resources, including $400 per month in child support, she couldn’t afford to stay in the house. She then went back to T.I. for help. “I talked to him about getting me some more money because I couldn’t make
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ends meet even with my full-time job. He said, ‘Okay, I’m on house arrest. I can’t work. When I am able, you know, then I’ll give you some more.’” Once she noticed him back at work and never mentioning more help, she says she grew impatient. “I go up to him again, talking about some more money, and it ended up having to go to court, which was the most humiliating thing I have ever had to go through [in] my whole life. To have my financial records, everything that I spent down to the coins, gone through by a judge, his attorney, and my attorney, it was the most embarrassing thing I ever had to go through. The judge did end up ruling in my favor to give me increase, based on everything: my household expenses, everything with the kids.” She ended up settling out of court for $2,000 per month. She was a hairstylist at the time, working in a salon at Walmart, but that didn’t last long. I had just finished [cosmetology] school… People were calling up to the Walmart at the hair salon because they saw me on the news, dogging me out. People would just come through and say little nasty stuff. I had to quit.” When the salon owner would introduce her, people would keep staring and examining her. “I felt like I was a zoo animal,” she chuckled. “I really did.” Many T.I. fans and supporters just saw as her this person trying to hurt their superstar. She says she had no idea that asking him for more support would turn into public ridicule, even by him. T.I. subsequently wrote a song, “That’s the Way You Want It,” in which he referenced the court battle and even LaShon’s physical appearance, claiming he regrets ever being with her. “I had no idea, walking into the courtroom, that there would be news cameras there. I was like, ‘Oh my, God,’ and never mind what I had on. I didn’t know that all of that was going to happen.
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“It was embarrassing and then everybody knows about it. Everybody’s talking about me like I’m trying to come for him, like I’m trying to hurt him, like I’m trying to break him down. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t. I simply didn’t want to have to keep asking for every little thing that I needed for the kids. Because I would have to go to him and ask him, ‘Hey, he got good grades. I want to get him a bike – whatever the case was – or you know my car is having trouble, could you help me? It was hard having everything on display, for everyone to judge me. It was hard.” Time, she explains, is how she eventually healed. “I used to feel that he owed me something because of our history. But when I realized, he didn’t owe me anything, it was like a breath of fresh air. And once I got over the fact that we weren’t going to be together anymore – and it was before all of that stuff – it made it so much easier. Then I didn’t have any ill feelings towards him, always wished him well. I’ve been in such a good place for a long time. Just a little bit of time got me through.” Making Connections
She reconnected with her husband, TeShon, via social media, but met him when she was 18. He joined the Marine Corps shortly thereafter, and she never saw him again until one day online when he contacted her in 2009. The couple lived together for a few years before getting married in 2012. “My husband and these kids have really domesticated me,” she says with a giggle. “I can cook. You know how some people say they can cook, but they really can’t? No, I can cook.” Recently, she has even gotten into gardening. “I don’t have a garden right now, but last summer I had a garden, and the rabbits [ate] everything. I was so mad, so for Mother’s Day last year, my husband and one of boys, they built me a garden up off of the ground. So [the rabbits] couldn’t get in it, they put a little thing around it. I enjoy that.” As a stepmother to her teenage daughter, she admits to having “issues” because perhaps the other parent is not currently involved. “It seems like with blended families when the parent outside of the house is in that child’s life, it seems like the child has a better relationship with the stepparent as opposed to the kid that does not have any dealings with their parent outside of the household. From what I have seen, it has been hell.” LaShon has a small circle of friends who she reaches out to for support and advice. This includes her castmates on hers-magazine.com
Mother Funders. “Outside of them, I don’t have a whole lot of friends, but the friends that I do have, they have kids with guys in entertainment also. So we have a circle, and we don’t have to worry about nobody calling [us], asking for a favor or trying to ask me, ‘Hey, girl, what’s going on with such and such’ … I don’t have to worry about stuff like that with those ladies. So I guess we are alike. We have similar stories, similar backgrounds.” Finding Her Voice
She says people constantly ask her how is it that she and her kids’ dad (T.I.) and his wife get along so well. People also think she’s upset or hurt. “I am not mad. I’m in a good place. I am happy, happily married. I take care of my kids, and their dads take care of them.” Laughing, she adds, “I got two baby daddies.” She is proud of the relationship she has with her exes and their families. “I guess that’s just it because I’ve had people [from] before say things like, ‘Oh you’re just mad’ or just making comparisons between me and Tameka, and there is no comparison. She is who she is, and I am who I am. They’re happy, and I’m happy. That has a lot to do with why I haven’t said anything about anything [before] because I never wanted people to think that I was upset, that I was jealous, that I was mad about anything. Because I’m not and I wasn’t. I just feel like I have a voice to say it now.” Whether or not her TV show will return next season still looms. Meanwhile, LaShon vows to continue focusing on her family and share her story as an inspiration to others, including those in her circle. “Me and my kids’ father, we co-parent very well, and [T.I.] is a good dad. I’m not saying he’s opened any doors for me because he hasn’t. But I do have ladies that I know, in my circle, who are trying to get things accomplished and they can’t. Whether they’re being blocked by someone or they just don’t know how to get it done or if it’s that they’re not doing the right things to get noticed, to get halfway into that door. I just want to speak for them. “This is my story, but I know so many other women have the same story, and their kids’ dads aren’t celebrities. It’s the average man. It’s the average woman, and we have similar stories. I just want them to know they can do it… Whatever it is that they want to do, they can do it. Have a little bit of faith and a little bit more time, and they’ll do it.”
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GREY HAIR IS A TOP HAIR TREND FOR 2015 The most popular aspect of the grey hair trend for 2015 is because it shows just how many people are making decisions outside of the beauty box. This type of action of embracing new trends generally drives folks to find themselves in a whole new way of looking at beauty. It causes people to reevaluate all things, from our clothing to hair colour choice. This is why trendy fashion as well as beauty continually advance. BY ALEXANDRA MCCRAY
Grey hair was previously an unpleasant indicator of old age, however right now it appears they are in fact a popular fashionable hair trend. Even though some people recognise the first sign of grey in their mid 20s, for other people, grey hair will not show up until they are in their 40s. Greys appear any time the hair follicle ceases to generate melanin pigments. In spite of this, the process cannot be averted.
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During the 1950’s, according to research about 7% of most women dyed their hair. These days, it is close to more than 95%. In the 1960s, the convenient, budget friendly hair dye in a container reached retail store shelves, transforming the follicle perception permanently. The continuing assumption that guys with grey hair are professional and more knowledgeable, and women
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with grey hair are simply just old could still be a concern. We simply deceive ourselves on how youthful we appear with our dyed locks. Anne Kreamer, an American author of Going Gray is so pleased with her grey hair, nonetheless she did not show off the grey colour until she eventually left her daytime employment to start out as a business owner. In addition young celebs who
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definitely are not close to going grey by natural means are turning to hair salons to have the grey appearance. Grey hair could possibly have distinct meaning for young fashionable individuals, who wants to go grey for fashion, as compared with elderly men or women opting to show off their all-natural grey hair. Rihanna, popularly dyed her hair grey, tweeting to her fans that grey is the latest black hair colour. However grey heads will likely be showing up on red carpets as well as runways for several months to come. It could be a surprise once your hair begins to change colour. In a study, over two thirds of 26 to 60 year old women stated they would in no way wish to be spotted with grey locks. Most women may practical experience a lack of selfconfidence and also have problems with their hair colour together with texture changes. Grey hair are often thicker and also far less shiny, yet that does not mean to say you cannot continue to carry beautiful hair and feel good about your grey hair colour. While the men are actually embracing their grey hair for quite a while now, women are actually going natural with their hair too. Helen Mirren is 67 years of age and an English actress. She goes over the limit with her perfectly grey cut. Same thing applies to all natural grey Judi Dench, an English author and actress with her trademark grey hair for quite some years now. Working class women are extremely pressurised to appear young at work. The chief of International Monetary Fund, Christine Lagarde is among the best known women worldwide and she maintains grey hair. hers-magazine.com
Before you decide to rush to your first choice beauty salon, it is advisable to take a look at the top grey hair colour trends for 2015. In this way, it is easy to choose which hair shade you want to use. Grey hair colour is rather fascinating given that other people attempt their best to hide them, considering that this is often an indication of getting older. The attractive grey hair colour basically carries a mild blue colour undertone. Your locks are the very first thing many people notice, which is among the important marketing underlying factors that should make you allow grey hair, that is if you are in business. Feel free to use your grey hair to always keep your reputation in people’s minds. Allowing hair get grey is a really difficult one for a lot of women. The majority of women refrain from making the choice and sadly reach for the locks dye or maybe make frequent visits to the hair salon. Hair colouring is a multimillion money business entity worldwide. To this extent, the question is - at exactly what stage is it best to choose to allow your hair grey naturally and with grace? It is a personal choice and perhaps you recognise a lot of people that want to cling to whatever real hair they have got left as long as they can. Grey locks could be a sign of growing old, however it is what you will do with it that helps ensure you maintain a younger appearance. You possibly can make it appear classy, as opposed to you appearing to have no control over it or you giving up altogether. Few people would like to devote five to six weeks consistently visiting the hair beauty salon to dye their hair grey. With
grey becoming the hair trend colour these days, you could decide to wear your natural grey colour confidently or even transform it. Feel comfortable in your appearance and make much more of a fashion statement with your hairstyle, which means you do not appear old fashioned. A significant difference in hair texture is not a surprise at the time of the grey takeover. In case your hair is experiencing roughness, they are as a result of the realisation that greys tend to be coarser when compared to pigmented hair, which may cause it to be harder to colour. Article Source: http://EzineArticles. com/?expert=Jack_Wilson_Taylor Article Source: http://EzineArticles. com/8885696
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Macy’s Ready To Wear
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I•N•C International Concepts® Poncho $189.50 Pants $69.50
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I•N•C International Concepts® Poncho $189.50 Pants $69.50
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Alfani Dress $119.50
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Tips to Becoming a Stylish Mompreneur
BY ANNETTE JOHNSON
Mothers who launch their own enterprises, whether for-profit or non-profit, must remember one thing: style should never be sacrificed at the cost of attaining success. In fact, style is a necessity in attracting business and maintaining balance. While the tendency is for “mompreneurs” to become lost in responsibilities, swamped in personal sacrifices, and strapped for cash flow, the need to maintain some part of you is mandatory. That one need, in our opinion, is developing or preserving your personal style. You don’t have to be a fashionista or shopaholic to stay on top of your “look.” To that end, we offer the following simple tips:
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Convertible Clothing The ultimate tool for maximizing wardrobe efficiency is to have an article of clothing that can easily convert to another look. You may have seen them: the blouse that can become a scarf or the scarf that can become a dress and, so forth. They are typically very stylish, interesting, and sometimes a challenge to retool. Yes, you may have to watch a YouTube video (or two) to figure out how to restyle the multifunctional item, but it’s worth the effort.
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Muted Colors Whether a solid black dress or donning a color that is less intense, muted colors can be worn yearround and form the foundation of a stylish ensemble. The goal is to always find creative ways to enhance the muted foundation using some of the other tips provided. For example, you can hardly do anything to augment a dress or pants that already have glaring colors or patterns other than add darkcolored accents and accessories.
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Big Bags This tip is more for practical purposes than style enrichment, but carrying a big purse can also be stylish. Mothers need room. That is a basic tenet of motherhood. 50
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They need space for the unexpected. Thus, the purse becomes pseudo-luggage, an alternate glove compartment, lunch box, and business card holder. The key is to ensure that the purse looks as good as it functions. Leave the small purses for afterhours outings.
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Two Standard Lip Colors Let’s face it: red lips never go out of style and they look good with just about every look except athletic wear. The key is to find just the right shade for you and keep it on deck. That’s not it, though. Choose something nude, a less intense color for a more natural look, which can actually complement athletic wear. Again, you’ll have to find something flattering that balances your skin tone well. The goal is to always have either of these two timeless lipstick colors available for whatever occasion may present itself, including a PTO meeting or a board meeting.
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Cool Cases Portable technology reigns as our means to connecting for business and personal reasons. From your cellphone to your tablet, choose a case/covering that exudes style and your personality. While you may think simple black or white cases are “safe,” they also declare that you are not a personable human being. Let your case be a conversation piece and an indication that you are interesting and approachable.
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Accessory Accents Whether a necklace, hat, belt, scarf, gloves or even shoes, choose something that will accent your basic outfit and encourage interest in you beyond a simple “hello.” This can include a pendant that your son made in school or a chic designer scarf. The accent can be colorful, but it must be complementary nevertheless. Make sure the accessory doesn’t necessarily add more of the same color, but just the right contrast, in some cases.
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A-Line Skirt This is one article of clothing that every busy-ness woman must possess in some form or fashion, literally. A timeless style for women, an A-line skirt is the equivalent of having a good pair of jeans. Like jeans, you can dress these skirts up or down. Depending on your top, they can look casual, business or formal. No need to sell you any further, just make sure you have two or three of these skirts ready for whatever you take on in your typical mompreneur day. You may want to have different shoes and tops on hand in case you want to change your look during a particular day. It’s that easy to change your style and keep your skirt.
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F E AT U R E S • H E A R T • F L AVO R • H E A LT H L E S S O N S • W O R K • P L AY W W W. H E R S - M A G A Z I N E . C O M hers-magazine.com
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+ HER HEART
Reality Television’s Unintended Victims:
THE FAMILY BY BRITNEY HARDWEARE
Reality TV has made stars and has damaged, in some cases permanently, some careers. Enter women like NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciack, who we had never heard of before the TV show Real Housewives of Atlanta. Today, these women have been on Broadway (Leakes) and produced hit records (Zolciak).
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dmit it: whether the attraction is to the glamour, the violence, or the other shenanigans, reality TV is addictive. And while we all sit and sip tea and these stars cash their checks, we fail to realize that these are real people who experience real consequences for their actions and exposure. One of the most recent examples of the side effects of reality TV is Married to Medicine star Lisa Nicole Cloud. From fashion designer to business mogul to motivational speaker, it seems that there is nothing that Cloud cannot successfully achieve. She also juggles her professional career with her personal life as a loving wife and mother of two. With such an accomplished and hectic lifestyle, it is hard to believe that she has time to fit in the drama, gossip, and lies that the hit reality TV show has brought into her life. However, has the show done more harm than good for this multi-faceted mogul? “I feel like when I came on reality TV, it was really [in] my hopes to try to reverse the stereotypes of African American women and the way they are portrayed on reality TV. When you try to be that positive person, [when] you try to have positive storylines, you get labeled [as the] ‘boring girl.’ It’s unfortunate,” Cloud said. On the show, Bravo exposes the lives of female doctors, as well as the wives of doctors. Well, it seems that the show has not only exposed, but turned Cloud’s life upside down. In a whirlwind of background checks,
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disgruntled employees and informants, the show has potentially exposed Cloud’s family life in a way she never intended or imagined. “You can work years to build your brand, to build your reputation, build a career, and one statement can totally reverse those years and years of effort,” Cloud adds. Rumors of her husband’s, Dr. Darren Naugles, bisexual infidelity were fueled when Naugles’s alleged lover, Damen Wayne, confronted Cloud’s co-star and adversary, Quad Webb-Lunceford, at an event. These rumors stretch as far as accusing Lunceford of setting up Wayne’s appearance. “I did not solicit the information about Darren sleeping with Eye Liner [Wayne], nor did I pay him,” Lunceford stated on her Bravo blog. Lisa protested, saying, “I think what she’s trying to do is discredit. Obviously, I have a great reputation in the community. I’m a person that tries to do positive [things] and make a difference.” Previously, Cloud spoke candidly about her husband’s infidelity. “Even though you forgive someone for infidelity, you don’t forget. It still can be a very sensitive topic, especially if people are trying to make light of it or throw it in your face.” She clarifies, however, the incident concerning her husband. “He did not have a one-night stand when he was with me. That was when he was in college, before he even knew me. When he got with me, I actually made him take a paternity test to see if the child was his because the way I said it is ‘if any man is going
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to be with me, I have to know that he can take care of his responsibilities.’ [It] turned out when he took the paternity test [that] it came back negative. It wasn’t his child,” Cloud said. The drama began when it was revealed that Cloud, as a “business decision,” ran background checks on her co-stars before joining in on business ventures, as stated on her Twitter. Lunceford did not take the news too well. Since then, Lunceford has been on the offensive, claiming on her blog that Cloud’s is a “liar” and her husband, Darren, is a “cheater.” The tension then spiraled out of control resulting in a scuffle between Cloud and Lunceford, throwing hands and water. “They edit a lot,” explained Cloud. “They edited out some punches that she threw, which is what really caused me to grab whatever was closest to me to defend myself. They cut a lot of that out.” Meanwhile, all of this drama has real implications for the families involved. “[Quad] doesn’t realize the damage that can result when kids hear things like, ‘Oh, I heard your dad was having an affair with a man.’ She [doesn’t] understand the kind of conversation you have to have with your children to let them know this is not true. This is a lie that was made up for a TV show. And kids are cruel just like they are very cruel on social
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media. I’m shocked at some of the things that people put up there that are negative towards me,” Cloud said. To some, the goal of reality TV is not to uplift these women and foster cooperation, understanding, and reconciliation, but rather to exploit and manipulate the emotions of women who chose to make their lives vulnerable to their viewers. “When the altercation went down, they did not try to stop it at all. They did nothing. The only reason why it stopped was because my husband busted through the door and broke it up,” explained Cloud. The show’s producer, Matt Anderson, addressed the fight on his Bravo blog, maintaining that he actually “had to step in” He also acknowledged that his method of filming usually never involves “break[ing] the flow of a scene.” In some cases, these women were building their respective careers and empires before they appeared on reality TV, but now they are trying to save what is left from the ruin. Hopefully, Cloud and other reality TV stars can move toward reconciling damaged relationships – either publicly or privately – for the sake of those who may pay the ultimate price for public skirmishes – children and spouses. “I never realized how this industry was,” said Lisa. “I’m still optimistic that I can turn this mess into a message in a ministry, but I really have to figure out how to do it, and what is the ministry that people watching it will be able to relate to… I’m not sure what the message is going to be. But whenever things happen in my life that are negative or can be perceived to be a setback, I always figure out what’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn and how do I use the setback as a setup for a comeback.” We’ll have to wait and see.
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STRAIGHT OUTTA
COMPETITION:
RONDA ROUSEY BY RICA WIERSEMA
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e live in an era where the word “impossible” is being used less and less with every coming day. Equal rights between people of all kinds have been demanded, then fought for, and in many cases, won. In fact, there is really only one form of segregation still standing in most of the world today, and that is the boundary that exists between the sexes. With the exception of the department store Target, which has foregone genderspecific labels on their clothing lines (to the confusion of some customers and the appreciation of others), most public organizations have opted to keep men and women separated when it comes to things like merchandise, restrooms… and sports. That is, until recently, when prominent female athletes like Ronda Rousey have expressed willingness — even eagerness — to compete with their male counterparts. After notable male boxer Floyd “Money” Mayweather Jr. admitted in 2014 that he had no idea who Rousey was, the female Mixed-Martial Arts champion publicly announced that she thought herself capable of defeating him in a no-holds-barred brawl. “Floyd is one of the best boxers of all time. He would definitely beat me in a boxing match… Boxing is a sweet science with strict rules,” she told a fan on Reddit during an ‘Ask Me Anything,’ session. But what if those rules weren’t present? Then, Rousey said, she would be able to ”beat anyone on this planet.” One of Rousey’s former opponents, Miesha Tate, agreed with the statement and added that, without the etiquette of boxing holding her back, Rousey would definitely “arm bar the hell out of [Mayweather].” While there are a lot of technicalities that might keep Rousey and Mayweather from ever meeting in the ring, Rousey’s repeated victories over all her female opponents is, according to many MMA fans, “just getting old.” Rousey has been beating out every single female opponent that she’s come in contact with — not just MMA fighters, but hers-magazine.com
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also wrestlers and boxers. In fact, she has done so with such ease that some fans have started requesting that she compete against fighters from the next weight class just keep herself challenged. It’s not a stretch to imagine that Rousey could actually end up facing some lightweight male opponents in the next few years. As revolutionary as that would be, Rousey would not be the first woman to compete on a co-ed playing field. Female boxer Jackie Tonawanda actually went to court in order to win the right for women to box in 1975, and she then kicked off her career by kicking out her male opponent, Larry Rodania. There are a few other notable female athletes who have achieved major victories, like tennis player Billy Jean King, and baseball pitcher Jackie Mitchell (who actually struck out both Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig back to back). However, on the whole, men and women have competed separately in the world of athletics for one simple reason: women like Rousey and Tonawanda are few and far between. History has shown that, while women have certainly gained prominence in athletics over the years, they have yet to match their male competitors in many ways — including financially. When Rousey beat out Mayweather for the ESPY award for Best Fighter, Mayweather merely responded by holding his excessive pay grade over her head: particularly, his recent bout against Manny Pacquiao that was deemed the highest-earning boxing match of all time. While Mayweather’s gloat about money may not seem like a strong comeback in the face of Rousey’s determination, it was still an unfortunate reminder of the massive gap between the earnings of male and female athletes in modern society. From the octagonal arenas of MMA fighting to the scandals surrounding the treatment of female soccer players in the 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup, it would seem that the physical gap separating the genders may not be easily closed until the financial gap between them is reduced.
And money isn’t the only factor keeping men and women apart in competitions. While many sports do favor finesse over brute strength, the fact remains that each gender has its own physical makeup that differs from the other. Because of that, a lot of female records in athletics simply aren’t equal with their male counterparts — at least, not yet. The fastest woman in the world (Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce of Jamaica) is still behind Usain Bolt by 1.01 seconds, and the strongest man in the world (Hossein Rezazadeh of Iran) can lift 124 pounds more than Russian weightlifter Tatiana Kashirina. Even with the LGBT community gaining public support in various parts of society, gender identity in athletes is actually making physical competition more complicated rather than melded. Last year after MMA fighter Fallon Fox overpowered opponent Tamikka Brents in the ring and gave her a concussion and broken eye socket, it was revealed that Fox had actually undergone transgender surgery to become a woman and was originally born male. Brent recalled Fox as the most overpowering opponent that she had ever faced, and expressed uncertainty about whether it’s fair for Fox to compete against women in the ring. Despite all of her remarks about fighting Mayweather, Ronda Rousey admitted that Fox probably shouldn’t be fighting in the female category because going through puberty as a man is “something you can’t really reverse.” So, is co-ed competition looming in the future of athletics? At least in the world of combat sports, it would seem that that day is still far in the future. At the moment, the only victory that Rousey may ever see over Mayweather is in the competition to win the ESPY award for Best Fighter: the day that she publicly referred to as the day that Floyd Mayweather had finally been “[beaten] by a woman for once.” However, if Rousey keeps it up, maybe she and her peers might get their chance to face male athletes one day.
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6 ISSUES FOR
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HOW WEARABLE TECHNOLOGIES
ARE SHAPING OUR FUTURE BY FRAN BISHOP
Your family’s wellbeing is made up of many different facets, from physical health and nutrition to financial literacy and emotional intelligence. But, have you considered including technology in your healthy living toolkit? Technology has become an integral part of our lives, but it is even more prominent in the lives of our children and youth. I recently read a statistic that estimated the average kid sends and receives 5,000 text messages per day. No, I didn’t accidentally add an extra zero to that figure! Technology is everywhere and isn’t going away anytime soon. The good news is that we can use technology to create happier, healthier families through responsible, balanced use and by creating a direct connection between technology and wellness. Wearable fitness technology is a perfect example of this phenomenon. Thanks to devices like Fitbit and online programs like Under Armour’s UA Network, more and more people are using technology to help them achieve their fitness goals. The popularity of wearable fitness technology has huge implications for the future of healthyfamilies. Instead of using technology for entertainment, information, and social networking alone, families can now use fitness apps and devices to create 360 degrees of wellness in every area of their lives.
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Wearable fitness technology will help you… • • • •
Bond as a family by setting and achieving wellness goals together Track your progress, overcome obstacles, and celebrate your wins Use technology responsibly and set an example for your kids Make fitness a fun and exciting game for the whole family
As fitness technology advances, it will become more and more integral to the creation of family and workplace wellness. Across the country, companies and community organizations have begun to incorporate wearable fitness technology and online programs into their traditional wellness offerings. In addition to gardening, wellness summits, personal training sessions, and field trips to health food stores , more and more families and communities are introducing responsible-use wearable fitness technology to help kids turn fitness and wellness into a lifestyle. Are you currently using wearable fitness technology to track your fitness? How does your family use technology to stay happy and healthy? Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com | Se ptem ber/O c to ber 2 0 1 5 | H ER S Ma gazin e |
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WOND
LAN PROVES MAKES THE| DREAM WORK ON THE EEPHUS TOUR M a gazine | Se ptember/O c tob er 2015 58 | HERSTEAMWORK hers-magazine.com
BY BRITNEY HARDWEARE
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ondaland Records’ use of the baseball term “Eephus” (meaning a game-changing pitch) in their album and tour title could not have been more prophetic of their talent, confidence and charisma as the The Eephus Tour came to a close on Aug. 31.
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Their appeal lured flocks of Atlanta AfroPunkers, cubicle dwellers in pencil skirts and heels, and college students, who came to strut their stuff – which began in a line wrapped around Luckie Street to the SkyView Ferris Wheel in anticipation of Janelle Monae and her Wondaland crew. Onlookers surely must have asked, Is this all really worth the two- or three-hour wait? The answer proved to be a resounding “yes” as the Tabernacle burst at the seams with anxious fans rushing to find sitting or standing room. It seemed that everyone who put his or her email into the concert’s lottery pool was ultimately selected to attend Monae’s secret pop-up tour’s last show. The Kansas native laid musical roots in Atlanta, collaborating with Big Boi and other native talents. But these roots finally grew into a strong family tree with the birth of her label, Wondaland Records. With the assistance of Big Boi and in partnership with Epic Records, the label has borne the fruitful talents of artists Jidenna, Deep Cotton, St. Beauty, and Roman GianArthur. Sharing those talents with the nation on The Eephus Tour, it is only fitting to end the tour at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. Cannons of white confetti exploded into the crowd and the entire band swayed about-faced to the beat of the drums. Roman GianArthur finally turned around and removed a “NIGGA”-labeled blackface mask to reveal a gilded grin. He and Monae growled out a bopping rendition of Prince’s “Lets Go Crazy,” giving an electric start to the show. Collaboration continued to be a theme for the show. St. Beauty (Alex Belle and Isis Valentino) and GianArthur slayed with a soulful cover of Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough” that featured bleeding-heart vocals from Belle and eerily beautiful harmonies from Valentino and GianArthur. GianArthur served a spicy Motown-inspired,
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shimmy-inducing performance of “Like An Egg, A King” with Deep Cotton on background vocals. Jidenna and GianArthur also delivered with a much anticipated performance of the summer hit “Classic Man” as dancing fans confirmed that the song was still an anthem. Though the show was a team effort, it allowed opportunities for the Wondaland family members to each have a chance to go solo. The show rocked on with Deep Cotton (Nate “Rocket” Wonder and Chuck Lightning). Their rock-and-roll chords appropriately matched the pair’s wild antics. Lightning and Rocket made the stage their playground with thrusting pelvises and middle fingers while hitting notes that most of us would only attempt alone in the shower. Lightning continued in playful spirits when he pulled an excited fan on stage to dance with them during their performance of “Let’s Get Caught.” It ended in a bear hug embrace with her. Jidenna took the stage to perform lesser known, but equally catchy songs “Now We Made It (Put My Knickers On),” “Long Live the Chief,” and “Some Kind of Way,” expressing values of staying true to your friends (even through fame), to your hustle, and to yourself. The performance proved to 60
be a hybrid of his rapping and singing talents, but also showed that he is equally as smooth on his feet using theatrical choreography and chemistry with his fellow artists. After seeing the talent that Monae had brought together, the crowd roared in anticipation for the Wondaland “Q.U.E.E.N.” She broke out in her hit songs “Q.U.E.E.N.” and “Electric Lady,” shaking booties with her backup dancers and giving different parts of the crowd to back her up with “Ooo shock it, break it baby! Electric lady, electric lady!” As the whole crowd rallied behind her in unison while chanting the lyrics, the love that the crowd had for Monae was just as apparent as the heat that had taken over the Tabernacle.
audience members danced in solidarity with Monae. Jidenna later joined her for his feature on the song. The concert closed with the Wondaland crew banging snare drums while chanting their police brutality protest song “Hell You Talmbout,” inducting the audience into their family by making community issues, Wondaland issues. The show highlighted what music needs, moreover, what the world needs: a change. And Wondaland will be the catalyst for it.
She then appropriately took the crowd to church with her divine performance of “Tightrope,” belting out gospel runs and wails while paying homage to James Brown in her black cloak. She ended her solo performance with “Yoga,” quoting the lyrics to unapologetically address her critics who found her individuality problematic. “Sometimes I’m peachy and sometimes I’m vulgar…you cannot police me, so get off…my areola,” she said while brushing the haters off of her left breast. The summer hit proved its longevity in the fall as all the female
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Things Women Find Most Annoying about Men WRITTEN BY TAMARA KING
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H E R S P O L L R E S U LTS +
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rAre men really that annoying? I think by now both men and women have come to the realization that we are from different planets in the same galaxy. Nowhere can this be witnesses more readily than in relationships. Men and women in relationships have their own way of doing things, especially communicating. Ladies, we may never truly understand how men operate, and men may never understand what women really want. Just as much as men can nitpick about women being nagging, women can counter that with their assertion of men being annoying. We surveyed women and asked them what they thought was most annoying about men. Hopefully, men will see these results and possibly make an effort to do a little better. Meanwhile, here are the results: What do you find most annoying that men do? Adjusting their privates, leaving the toilet seat up, constantly staring at women, and expecting the woman to pay all tied at 17%. But the most annoying thing that women think that men do is: they don’t listen (33%). We know the importance of communicating in a relationship, but just as much as we speak, we must listen to each other as well. What do you find most annoying when you first meet a man? Not having much of a conversation (31%) and constantly talking about sex (46%) were two top things that women found most annoying. If you can’t hold a decent conversation, that’s an automatic no first or second date. There has to be something more on the table besides good looks, nice teeth, and clean shoes. If sex is the hers-magazine.com
only topic you can think of to discuss, then there’s nothing to talk about. There are other topics to talk about when first meeting like the weather, leisure activities, hometown, etc. What’s the best approach to tell a man he’s being annoying? This one had no competition! 62% of women said that they would tell a man right as he’s doing it. Can you say, hold no punches? You can’t let some things linger. And if someone is annoying you, it’s best that you tell them right then and there so they can hopefully correct it. We all want to be treated with respect and the best way to teach someone how to treat you is to show them, and in this case, tell them. What are some annoying things men do after you break up? Telling everyone that you two were only “friends” or something of that nature to downplay their involvement (33%) was the second most popular response. Keep declaring their love but continuing to do something that makes you question if they ever loved you (42%) was what women voted as the most annoying. Each party should be “grown-up” enough to acknowledge the relationship for what it was and move on without hitting below the belt. Saying one thing and your actions showing another is more than annoying; it’s frustrating, especially when it involves someone you care about. If we could all just get along, communicate openly, listen attentively, and put the shoe on other other foot sometimes, it would be sweet icing on the cake. Yes, men and women are wired differently, but we can all agree that we want respect, to gain more understanding, and ultimately experience more loving relationships.
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+ HER TRAVEL
AH. . . BY PEGGY HATTENDORF
A U T U M N – T H E P E R F E C T T I M E T O T R AV E L With a kaleidoscope of colors - bright reds and maroons, burnt oranges and yellows, mahoganies and browns - fall previews in vibrant hues with the changing colors of the leaves. Smells of cinnamon, spices, and cloves fill the crisp air. We wake to misty mornings and the sound of rustling leaves with the wind blowing through the trees. With cooler temperatures, we reach for oversized sweaters or cardigans, jeans and boots. Shorter days bring cozy nights as we settle in around a fire with a blanket, a good book, hot cider or a glass of wine. Bales of hay, apple orchards, scarecrows, corn mazes, ripe vineyards, pumpkin patches and farmers markets are
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treasures of the rural landscape. Autumn is a feast for the senses and the perfect time of the year for travel. Fall trips are charged with eye-popping colors, breathtaking vistas, quaint towns and picturesque villages offering charming inns with candles in the windows, bowls of apples on the front desk and the smells of roasted chestnuts and pumpkin pies. A little planning will help you see autumn at her “regal” best. The following is a collection of unique, interesting and seasonal attractions to design a memorable fall getaway.
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FALL ANTIQUES FAIRS: Texas, Massachusetts, Ohio, Georgia and France If you’ve never been to a major antiques fair – be prepared to be amazed and possibly overwhelmed. There’s way too much to see in just one visit. Suggestions are to: check venues, maps and vendors before arrival. Then go early, shop often and spend multiple days. Celebrating its 48th year in Round Top (population 93), the Round Top Texas Antiques Fair has garnered a reputation for unsurpassed quality and one-of-a-kind antiques. The show features Early Antiques, Silver, Paintings, English, French and Italian Antiques, as well as crafts, Texas kitsch and Americana memorabilia represented by dealers and vendors from across the US and around the world. There are numerous venues spread out over four small towns – Warrenton, Round Top, Carmine and Shelby– along State Highway 237. There are small inns, cottages and bed & breakfasts in the small hamlets and adjoining towns. You might also consider driving in from one of the major cities – Austin is 77 miles, Houston is 95 miles and San Antonio is 134 miles from Round Top. Fall dates: September 28, 29, 30 and October 1, 2, 3, 2015. Started in the 1950s along Route 20 in the picturesque town of Brimfield, Mass., in the foothills of the Berkshires, the Brimfield Antiques Show has evolved into the largest and most renowned outdoor antiques show in the United States. Come rain or shine, the show goes on each year selling everything from fine antiques and collectibles to yard junk. You can expect to find items rarely seen anywhere else in the world. While there are a couple of accommodation choices in Brimfield, more variety can be found in the surrounding towns of Sturbridge, Springfield, and Worcester. Boston is approximately 66 miles east on the Mass Pike. Fall dates: September 8-13, 2015. Country Living Fairs, sponsored by Country Living Magazine, specialize in antiques, vintage, “Made in America” crafts, art, furniture, home décor, handcrafted clothing, jewelry and more. Two fairs are scheduled for the fall. The first is in Columbus, Ohio in Ohio Village located by the Ohio History Connection Museum, the Expo Center and the State Fairgrounds. Hotel choices feature many of the chain brand properties. Fall dates: September 18, 19, 20, 2015. The second Country Living Fair brings over 200 vendors that set up tents and booths along the meandering wooded paths of Stone Mountain Park. Atlanta brings southern charm to this Fair with antiques, crafts, vintage along with artisan demonstrations, seminars and a Harvest and Gourmet Market. The main hotel chains have properties in and around the Stone Mountain Georgia area. Fall dates: October 23, 24, 25, 2015.
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Located on the Deule River in northern France near the Belgium border, Lille, France holds the largest Flea Market and one of the most famous events in France - the Braderie de Lille Flea Market. Finds are in vintage and retro items. More than 2 million visitors come from all over Europe to this annual street market. Now a university town, Lille was once the old capital of Flanders. The Flemish flavor has been retained in the cuisine, dialect and architecture. Lille is a lovely town with cobblestone streets, ancient guild houses, Renaissance palaces and Gothic churches. The city offers various types of accommodations from medium to deluxe priced hotels as well as canal side-boats. Fall dates: September 5 and 6, 2015. FALL FESTIVALS: Pennsylvania, Italy, Missouri, Indiana, New Mexico, Mexico and Germany Now in its 5th year, this outdoors festival, the National Apple Harvest Festival, is held at the South Mountain fairgrounds in Arendtsville, Penn. near Route 234. The route to the event takes you through Pennsylvania farm country with its abundance of apple orchards. The festival is entertaining for the entire family with arts and crafts, antique cars, live entertainment, hay rides, a petting zoo, pie-baking contests, pony rides, puppet shows and square dancing. But the key event is “all about apples” from art, jellies, pies, sauces, candies and memorabilia. Accommodations can be found in nearby Gettysburg, just 10 miles away. It’s only 95 miles from Washington D.C. and 139 miles from Philadelphia. Fall dates: October 3 and 4 and October 10 and 11, 2015. Alba, Italy, a small town of 30,000, holds the premier truffle festival - the Alba International White Truffle Fair. The odor of truffles penetrates this lovely walking village and the restaurants showcase the prized delicacy at somewhat reasonable prices. Highlights of the event include concerts, the white truffle market, wine tastings, a medieval parade, cooking workshops and a colorful donkey race the first Sunday of the event. If you want the true experience, there’s a “white truffle walk” with a trained guide and dog to search for this elusive mushroom. Accommodations are tight in the small town of Alba, so you may have to enlarge your search area. Turin, a larger city, is just 45 miles away and offers various types of accommodations. Fall dates: October 4 - the Donkey Race - and Festival then Every Saturday and Sunday from October 11 through November 15, 2015. Starting in the 1960s, the month of October in Carthage, Mo. celebrates the Maple Leaf Festival. This is the largest parade in Southwest Missouri. The town is known as “America’s Maple Leaf City” and recalls its historic significance as a popular stop along old Route 66 as well as the location of the 1861 Battle of Carthage during the Civil War. Events include an arts and crafts festival, car show, live entertainment and quilt show. Add beauty pageants, 5K/10K races, baby and toddler contests, a dog show
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and dog skill competition – there’s plenty to do for the whole family. Accommodations in the town consist of small bed & breakfasts and inns. Fall dates: October 1-31, 2015. The splendid Mansfield Covered Bridge is the central gathering spot for the Mansfield Covered Bridge Festival in Mansfield, Ind. The quaint hamlet is home to the 1920s Roller Mill still in operation today. Parke County is referred to as the “Covered Bridge Capital of the World” with over 31 covered bridges. This is the state’s largest festival featuring live entertainment and arts and crafts vendors. Accommodations in the area include bed & breakfasts, inns, motels, cottages and farmhouses. Fall dates: October 9-18, 2015. The Southwest is lovely in the fall and The Albuquerque International Balloon Festival in New Mexico has established the reputation, over the last 4 decades, as the World’s foremost balloon event. Come the first week of October, ballooning takes center stage in Albuquerque. You can smell the flavors of the southwest with the roasting chiles and cast your sights on the stately beauty of the hot air balloons as they launch from Balloon Fiesta Park and glide through the crisp autumn air. Experience a balloon ride or stay closer to the ground and be entertained by the Music Fiesta. Albuquerque is a lovely city with art galleries, theaters, casinos and a lively nightlife. Accommodations range from deluxe to budget hotels and motels. Fall dates: October 3-11, 2015. In San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, La Calaca is an arts festival that revolves around the Dia de los Muertos – Day of the Dead. In Mexican culture, there is a belief that death is merely a part of the life cycle and this event and festival honors departed friends and family. It is a participatory festival which immerses people in cultural activities, live art installations, creative workshops and tours of cemeteries and traditional altars. Events include costumed processions, musical performances and parties that last all night. San Miguel de Allende is a colonial gem, high in the cools hills, with cobblestone streets and picturesque churches. Accommodations range from luxury to moderately priced hotels and inns. Fall dates: October 31-November 2, 2015.
The “Granddaddy” of festivals, Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany, is now in its 182nd year - a continuous fest for 16 days. From its noble inception in 1810, in honor of the Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig’s marriage to Princess Therese von Sachsen-Hildburghausen, it has grown to become the world’s largest fair and beer festival. It attracts over 6 million visitors each year, with its amusement rides, games, traditional German food and cavernous beer halls. The official opening ceremonies in the Schottenhamil Tent start a noon with the Mayor of Munich having the honor of tapping the first keg of Oktoberfest beer. Munich itself is a Bavarian jewel with its Rathaus-Glockenspiel in Marienplatz, the central square. The Deutsches Museum is the world’s largest museum of science and technology. Munich is a large city and there are accommodations in all price ranges from budget to deluxe. Fall dates: September 19-October 4, 2015. FALL FOLIAGE TRIPS: New England, California, Canada, Scotland and France Leaves follow a pattern as they change, moving from North to South and higher to lower elevations. The foliage season begins in early September in northern regions and ends in November in southern locations. This is such a major tourist attraction in the United States, many websites offer a Live Fall Foliage progression to keep visitors apprised of the foliage changes to help plan the best dates and locations to witness nature’s vibrant color extravaganza. Tour Operators offer escorted or guided tours, but you may prefer mapping out self-guided driving programs. The quintessential “American Fall Foliage Trip” is in New England covering the states of Connecticut, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Vermont. Here are some suggested routes in each of these states. Start your exploratory trip in Connecticut along Route 7 in the charming town of Ridgefield with its renowned Main Street, sprawling mansions and historic landmarks. If you plan to spend a few days, Danbury is a good base with a range of
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395. Autumn days are sunny and warm with mild evenings. On your drive expect to see Cottonwood trees in the Owens Valley and Aspens in the high country. In the higher elevations of Bishop Creek Canyon, the leaves start to turn in early September. The Agawa Canyon in Ontario, Canada is in the Canadian or Pre-Cambrian Shield, the oldest mountain range in the world. To fully experience this wonder, set off from Sault Ste. Marie on a train tour – Agawa Canyon Train Vacations - which covers a diverse area of hardwood forests parading brilliant colors of red, purple, gold and yellow in the fall. A one-day wilderness train excursion travels 114 miles north of Sault Ste. Marie over towering trestles, by pristine lakes and rivers and around amazing granite rock formations of the lower Canadian Shield. accommodations. The quaint town of Kent and the storybook village center of West Cornwall, with its famous classic red covered bridge, present true New England charm. The central Berkshires of Western Massachusetts offer a wonderland of fall foliage. This loop adventure starts and ends in Pittsfield. Departing the town, locate Route 41 and head to the town of Richmond, Mass. with its white clapboard homes. Allow time for stops in Stockbridge with a visit to the Norman Rockwell Museum along with the charming town of Lenox. Maine along, Route 17, offers the explorer beautiful mountain vistas, lakes, ponds, rivers and streams. On a clear day, looking west you may see New Hampshire and Canada. In Oquossoc, where Route 17 and Route 4 intersect you’ll see displays of pumpkins, chrysanthemums, and places to buy apple cider. The town of Rangeley on Route 4 has restaurants, inns and cute shops. Route 112 winds across the state of New Hampshire connecting Bath to Conway through the White Mountain National Forest. It’s called the Kancamagus Highway as the road cuts through the White Mountains. This is an area known for its spectacular fall foliage in brilliant shades of crimson and gold. The historic town of Bath with its covered bridge, Lincoln —the second largest town in New Hampshire, as well as villages of Conway all deserve time for sightseeing, shopping, dining or overnight stays. Although tiny, Rhode Island packs plenty of punch with vibrant fall colors. For the most dramatic leaf-peeping, head to the rural northern and western towns through Rolling Meadows, dotted with apple orchards and pumpkin patches along with dense forests. The tiny hamlet of Chepachet on US 44 is a perfect place to stop for lunch or stretch your legs and walk the quaint village. Vermont boasts the highest percentage of maple trees in all of New England. Route 100 is considered one of the most beautiful drives in the state and Stowe through Waterbury offers picture postcard beauty. Besides, who can pass up a chance to visit the Ben & Jerry’s Ice cream factory in Waterbury? The trees are ablaze in brilliant colors of orange, yellow, gold and crimson in Bishop, Calif. Located in the middle of the state, the city is at the crossroads of Highway 6 and Interstate hers-magazine.com
Pitlochry, Scotland is known as “Big Tree Country” and is famous for its fall foliage shows in a myriad of colors from bronze, crimson, yellow and bright orange. The town also features a prominent festival called The Enchanted Forest, Scotland’s award winning light and sound show in the mystical Faskally Woods. Loch Faskally, a man-made reservoir surrounded by steep wooded hills north of Pitlochry, provides good walking areas with chances to see salmon leaping up the fish ladder in the reservoir. The garden region of France, The Loire Valley, provides both ambiance and mild fall temperatures, perfect for viewing the stunning scenery. The area is known for its delectable wines, impressive chateaux, perfectly manicured gardens and fertile landscapes. With its New England quality of fall foliage, it’s considered France’s Hudson Valley. So this autumn, let’s fall for fairs, festivals and foliage. Enjoy the pleasures of combing the fairgrounds to find a prized antique or perfect treasure, relish the family fun at a country harvest festival, and be awe-struck at the sheer beauty of the colorful trees and forests - happy leaf-peeping. Hers Magazine Travel Editor, Peggy Hattendorf, is a Los Angeles based travel writer, blogger and novelist. With a professional travel industry career spanning 25 years, she owned several travel management companies. This led to building and managing a premier travel agent network and co-founding a nationwide marketing consortium with more than 5000 members. Her background with upscale and luxury travel and products, served as cornerstones in the character development and storyline of her first novel “Son of my Father – A Family Dynasty.” She is currently working on a sequel.
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WAYS TO AVOID REQUESTS TO DISCOUNT YOUR SERVICES BY LENISE WILLIAMS
You are in business for yourself. Every penny you get to pay a bill, to buy groceries or even pay for that well-deserved vacation comes as a result of your own efforts. You do not have the luxury of getting a paycheck from your boss every week. That is why when someone (especially a stranger) asks you to work for free or at a significantly discounted rate, you may get upset or even feel a bit insulted. Why would so many people ask you to provide a service or a product for less than you are clearly requesting? I will tell you why. It is because they do not value your worth! They do not value your worth for one of three reasons:
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. YOUR PRICING IS OFF. You may be selling yourself too CHEAP! Your pricing may not be in alignment with what you are really worth in the eyes of others. That inadvertently makes people feel as though they can nickel and dime you. If your pricing shows your audience that you don’t value yourself and what you offer, why should they value you? Step back and look at the message your pricing gives to others.
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. YOUR BRANDING MAY NOT BE ON POINT. You may be selling yourself too CHEAP! Your pricing may not be in alignment with what you are really worth in the eyes of others. That inadvertently makes people feel as though they can nickel and dime you. If your pricing shows your audience that you don’t value yourself
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and what you offer, why should they value you? Step back and look at the message your pricing gives to others.
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. You are not targeting the right audience. If your marketing and other efforts are reaching a demographic that cannot afford what you are asking, how on Earth can you expect them to pay you? Your branding is all on point, your price is definitely in line with what you are worth, but the sales just won’t happen. Imagine this: a realtor walks into a homeless shelter trying to sell a million-dollar home. They want it. They need it. However, they can’t afford that! Essentially, that is what you are doing when you are selling to the wrong person. You make them want to buy it soooooo bad, but they can’t. Therefore, they get so desperate for it that they ask you to make it more affordable for them. C’mon, stop
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teasing people! Align your product or service with the RIGHT people. Adjusting this can be the difference between a $1,000,000 company and a $10,000 company. Stop letting others cause you to question yourself by requesting free or discounted products/ services. You work hard and you have bills to pay just like everyone else in this world. Position yourself correctly so that the thought to request a discount won’t even cross anyone’s mind. At the end of the day, you are running a business. The intent of the business is that you share your gifts, passion and talent with the world, but you also make money! The bills don’t stop. Don’t lose sight of the passion, but also don’t lose sight of what you need in order to continue operating, so that you can continue sharing that passion!
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Personal Shopping:
Getting Paid to Shop BY BIANCA NELSON
Most every woman loves shopping, but suppose you could turn your fashion fascination into a career? However, you wouldn’t be shopping for yourself, but the clothes would be for clients who pay you to do their shopping. Personal shopping duties can encompass other types of shopping, not just fashion. Thus, this could include finding a client an outfit for a major event or getting groceries for dinner. One famous example is Kim Kardashian, who was once a personal shopper for Paris Hilton. What does a personal shopper do? (i.e. does it entail only shopping or is styling involved as well?)
In my field, a personal shopper is also considered a stylist. I get contacted to select merchandise for events/special occasions, or when a client wants a wardrobe makeover. With each client, I do an initial consultation, most times, at their residence. This consultation is considered a style assessment. I go over their fashion likes, dislikes, take a look at their current wardrobe, and go over their daily routine to get an idea of how they normally dress. I take the information gathered and create an individualized style profile for that client, which is used when I select merchandise either from current Shopaholic City inventory, and/or through
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While this can start as a part-time paid hobby, becoming a personal stylist can transform into a full-time career— say for publications and production companies. A part-time or beginner personal shopper might charge anywhere from $15 to $20 an hour, or 10 to 15 percent of the total purchase. We interviewed Lattiea Whitaker, owner of Shopaholic City, to get a better idea of what a career in personal shopping involves. personal merchandise specifically ordered for the client. How much do you charge for your services? Do customers normally tip?
The initial consultation fee is $50. The personal shopping/styling fee is $50 an hour. Clients do tip. What is the biggest challenge of being a personal shopper?
Being a personal shopper is a demanding job. It takes time, patience, and willingness to go above and beyond to ensure clients are always satisfied. Like with any job, there will always be the “difficult” client. It is imperative to always be patient, willing to compromise, and keep in mind that your job is to please the client.
What are some must-haves (items, qualities) for someone starting out as a personal shopper?
A personal shopper should have reliable transportation, as this job requires frequent travel. As for qualities, patience, great customer service and communication skills, eye for fashion, time management and reliability are some of the must-have qualities.
What is something you wish that someone would have told you when you first started out as a personal shopper? I wish I had known how demanding and time-consuming the job can get at times. Nonetheless, I love what I do and wouldn’t change it for the world.
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THE EVOLUTION OF MO Monifah Touches on Her Reunion to Herself, Family and Music BY KYREE SHOCKLEY
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inger-songwriter, Monifah Carter, has been making headlines ever since she re-emerged on TV One’s franchise reality show R&B Divas. The last we saw of the Touch It songstress was during the season three finale of R&B Divas: Atlanta when she debuted her wedding last June. With a year of marriage under her belt and a newly released single, many are wondering how married life is going and what the future holds for the songbird. “Married life is good. It’s work and it’s fun. The partnership of it has been a really good experience for me,” Monifah said. Though some experts state that the first year of marriage is one of the toughest on a couple, Monifah and her partner, Terez, seem to be transitioning well. “We still talk like we just started dating,” said Monifah. “We’re friends, so it’s just growing. It’s taking different shapes and levels. I can’t say that much has changed, it’s just strengthened. It’s a little more routine, but I appreciate that in my life. You just have to keep it interesting and fun.” Last year, Monifah and Terez made history when their wedding aired on June 25, 2014, being the first African-American lesbian wedding ever televised. A year after the debut, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage, legalizing it all over the U.S. With both moments being groundbreaking for the
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LGBTQ community, Monifah felt it was all in divine order. “It’s divine. I didn’t even associate the two dates until just now, but that’s awesome. It’s high time that people are all afforded the same rights to marry who we want to spend our life with and be covered under the same judicial laws and rights. It’s the same partnership. You’re investing your time, money, and energy, so why can’t we be protected under those laws? It was unfair judicially, but it’s great that we’ve progressed.” After an abusive heterosexual relationship in her teen years, Monifah made a conscious decision to date women. Since then, she says she has experienced adversity being in a same-sex relationship, especially as an African-American woman. Through backlash from family and friends and, sometimes, being judged in the music industry for her sexual preference, Monifah has never regretted her choice to date women. “That would be denying who I am as a person and the things that I’ve experienced. I’m very comfortable. So, no, I don’t regret exploring my attraction to women and finding that I’m emotionally more attracted to them. I know that in my own community of people and in this business: there is a lot of prejudice and slighting. I feel it and I see it, but I won’t let it affect me in that way. I just won’t do it. I just keep pushing.”
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“Quite honestly, what else what were we gonna do? We could have done other stuff but it didn’t seem like that was the direction they were going to allow things to go.” With the transparency of her relationship combined with her sassy, assertive attitude, Monifah is now looked at as an LGBTQ activist, more specifically as it relates to the three strikes she lives with: being black, female and gay. “It’s very different between whites and blacks in the LGBTQ community. I’m like a triple negative. I am a same-gender loving woman and I’m black. I’m that every day. So I think, in my daily walk, I am an activist.” With religion being a huge component in the black community, homosexuality is less accepted because it is seen as unnatural, sinful, and an abomination against God. Monifah thinks that because of this, it’s not only harder to accept gay people within the community, but it also stifles the growth and unification of the community. “We need to re-evaluate our faith. We need to re-evaluate what we believe in and why, and not just because momma did. But really ask some questions 74
and stop being sheep. We need to step outside our comfort zone, have some real conversations, and stop thinking we know every goddamn thing. Get uncomfortable so we can have some dialogue and figure some things out together.” Mother-Daughter Moments and Memories
With Monifah being openly in what she likes to call a “same-sex loving relationship,” talks of her own family’s acceptance are frequently questioned. Many who were fans of R&B Divas: Atlanta know that Monifah’s daughter, Akemi Carter Lopez, disapproves of her mother’s relationship due to her religious beliefs and, because of that, was not present for Monifah’s wedding. Though on camera, it appeared as if the tension between mother and daughter was based on Monifah’s lifestyle, she reveals that there were deeper issues separate from her sexuality, most of which stemmed
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from Akemi’s childhood, which needed to be resolved. “We are fine. We never were unfine. We were just healing our relationship due to past stuff that I knew I participated in and didn’t show up for as her mom. I admitted those things and that was my job as a mother and a parent to say ‘Hey I know I wasn’t there for you in this way, but how can I fix it?’” Since the wedding, Monifah shares that she and Akemi have come to a level of acceptance when it comes to her sexual orientation and are in the process of healing old wounds. “We share the differences of our beliefs. We got through that with love and respect. She’s still daughter and I’m still mom…. We’re healing and we both are committed to making it the best relationship it could be.” Monifah is now a proud “glam mom” of a healthy baby boy who she says she video chats every week since Akemi and her family live far away. With Akemi hers-magazine.com
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becoming a mother, Monifah has seen a new dynamic in her relationship with her daughter and feels there is a newfound appreciation and understanding between them. She has nothing but great things to say about the job Akemi is doing thus far as a parent. “Quite honestly, I was like, I can’t wait until she has a kid because then she’ll understand. She’ll see things from my perspective,” Monifah said. “She’s doing exactly the opposite of things that she experience[d] as a child. She wants to be present. I think she’s really going to be a great mom.” Though her daughter is now starting her own family, Monifah said she’s glad she still needs her for guidance and love. At first, she feared that because she was an absentee parent during Akemi’s childhood, she would forever be looked at as such. She wanted Akemi to know who she is today and the woman she’s grown to be. Most importantly, Monifah wanted her daughter to trust that she had learned from her past mistakes and taken accountability for her actions wholeheartedly. “I’ve told her [Akemi] you’re not going to hold me hostage because I’m not that person anymore, but I’m here to help you heal. I’m open and I will never argue with your feelings. But if you need to stay mad at me so you can stay in your own stuff, then I’m not going to do that. I want her to heal past it.” Monifah feels that sometimes, especially when parents are not there for their children, parents allow their kids to drag them through a never-ending guilt trip. So in trying to pacify the shame, they end up doing more damage because they never allow their children to take accountability for their lives. “Though I made mistakes, you can’t blame me forever for not doing what you need to do as an adult,” Monifah said. “I couldn’t hers-magazine.com
do it with the people in my life. I had to take responsibility for my life no matter what happened, no matter the unfortunate circumstances, whether I had control over them or not. Whatever those issues were, whatever damaged me, I’m responsible for healing them and letting them go.”
“I’ve told her [Akemi] you’re not going to hold me hostage because I’m not that person anymore, but I’m here to help you heal. I’m open and I will never argue with your feelings.” According to Monifah, both she and Akemi are letting things go and their relationship couldn’t be better. She knows that the best thing she can do as a grandma is to continue to guide her daughter so that she won’t make the same mistakes. “I want her to learn from everything she hated about what I didn’t do as a mom, what she felt she missed,
what the holes were. I want her to not do that. And I want her to be herself. She’s amazing young woman and she has a lot to offer her son.” The best advice she’s given Akemi thus far is to be true to herself and all will work out. “Just be. Just be the best mom and best person you can be. It’s not about perfection but about you giving everything you have to this person that need[s] you. I think I can be a great example of what not to do and how to undo it.” Cancelation Becomes a Consolation
This past January, when it was announced that R&B Divas: Atlanta would not be returning for a fourth season, Monifah said she wasn’t surprised but was thrown off by how she found out. “I saw it on social media. I didn’t get a call. We were supposedly all waiting but nobody called my management or me. It was real weird.” Normally, discovering you’re out of a job on the Internet would be alarming and, at the very least, unprofessional, but Monifah chalks it up as something that comes with show business. “It can be very, very, very whack that way, this business. You find out stuff nowadays when you open your computer, go on social media and find out your fucking fired or they canceled your show. It’s crazy. After a certain point, there are no expectations.” She felt that the network and the cast were on two different pages when it came to what they wanted to convey on screen. Also there were differences among the Divas as well and, ultimately, the end result was fatal for the show. Despite the abrupt ending of the show, Monifah is grateful for the opportunity.
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“Quite honestly, what else were we gonna do? We could have done other stuff, but it didn’t seem like that was the direction they were going to allow things to go. I think it’s best we went out on a great note where people still wanted to see more. One door closes and others open and now I have some real tangible TV experience and relationships. So I’m moving forward with my creative ideas. I’m executive producing some things. I have a lot of content and that’s what I’m focused on at this moment.” Though she may be booked to capacity, Monifah still keeps in contact with some of the other Divas. “LaTavia [Robertson] LaTocha [Scott] and Syleena [Johnson] are the ones I talk to the most. I don’t speak to anybody else at all.” Back to the Music
With television off her radar, Monifah went back to the place where many fans 76
first fell in love with her: music. She recently came out with a single called “One Moment” that was released in February. The single is the first single off of her upcoming album Invincible. In describing the song, she says that “One Moment” was like an open letter, a personal wake up call to the world. She said this song comes from where she’s at now in her life, but the background of it came from her past when she was caught up in her emotions. “A lot of what I used to do and what people do now is distract yourself with things and people, and situations and chaos. People forget that you can be addicted to chaos. That can be your M.O. Just to keep you distracted from the real and the person in the mirror. When you’re working that mess out to find peace, chaos is all you have control over. That’s all you have control over is your
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reaction to things, your emotions, and your thoughts.” This song represents the process in which Monifah had to endure in order to become the woman we see today. She had to go through a matriculation from her old self to her new self and she couldn’t fully move on in her journey before first loving who she was and where she was in her life. “I started to learn to love my own company and really begin to get to know myself better. Cry in the mirror and really pick myself apart. I had to rebuild myself. I had to really be honest about what I was operating in. I was operating in lack. I was operating in insecurity. I was operating in inadequacy. And all the things that I had acquired in my personality and in my characteristics were protective mechanisms to keep me safe.” From childhood, Monifah remembers a constant commotion of things always going on and she never felt safe. With that came her need to always be in control. In order to fill that need, she said she did anything ⎯ whether it be lying or manipulation. “You’re going to use whatever you need to use. So I had to really get honest with myself, especially recovering from drug and alcohol abuse. Because those are the symptoms that really keep you sick and using. So you gotta really get to the core. Yes, something is wrong but it’s not the drugs and alcohol because you’re using those to escape what? To not deal with what? So when I really got down to discovering the what, I began to learn. And I learn how to love me and my “me” time. And I found that your “me” time is the closest you can get to your higher power. You must listen and things will come to you.” Monifah discovered that the “what” she was escaping through substance abuse was a mesh of a lot issues from her hers-magazine.com
+ HER MUSIC
childhood. The biggest component was the feeling of abandonment. Monifah experienced death at a young age and it affected the people she was closest to. Her father died when she was 9 and her brother passed when she was in her early 20s. To Monifah, death was a consistent thing and it prompted several demons hers-magazine.com
throughout her life, many she was oblivious to until well in adulthood. “We don’t realize that these things stay with us and create a false self for protection. Your mind and emotions are going to find a way to protect you. So you manipulate people. You lie a lot, throw tantrums; you don’t let people in, etc. It comes out in various ways. For me, it was that I controlled people physically and sexually. I used sexual prowess and manipulation. Anything I could use to get the results I wanted, so I could be in control. Whatever that was, at the time, I did it out of fear.” Though at times she felt lonely and afraid, Monifah said she always felt safe with her mother and that it was her mother who was her first best friend. She recalls her household being very tense due to the fact that her brother was an addict and after a certain point, he began using crack while he was living with Monifah and their mother. To make matters worse, Monifah witnessed her mother being in various abusive relationships, one of which was with her father. “My mom was in an abusive relationship with my dad and then she had a boyfriend that was kind of weird and she tried to hide it. And even though she tried to hide it, kids are instinctive and I knew something wasn’t right about him. I saw some things. I saw him hit her one day and I threw a knife at him.” Monifah feels that through therapy and self-discovery, she has grown to love herself and others. She’s committed to portraying that love and her new found oneness through her music, more specifically in “One Moment.” Through her single, she wants to share with the world that it’s necessary to be in solidarity and to encourage people
to teach their children that there needs to be a place, whether it’s mentally, physically or both, where they can compress and take time to listen, relax, and rejuvenate. In doing so, she hopes that her fans can be their best for themselves first and be of service to the people that they love around them and to the world. “Because that’s really what life is about, service to each other. We’re fighting against a ‘ME’ society and mindset. It’s so weird. There are a lot of people awake spiritually and then there’s not. It’s really not about ME, ME, ME. It’s take care of you so you can be of good service.” Now that Monifah has taken back her life, she’s also taking the wheel when it comes to her music. Since her last album 14 years ago, Monifah said she has taken a more direct approach and creative control in what’s produced. Though there isn’t a definite release date for her upcoming album, Monifah understands the frustration the fans may feel on having to wait so long for it. “I’m not trying to drag it on purpose, but, in my spirit, I know it’s not done. And God said it ain’t ready, so it’s not ready. Nothing should be that hard. When it’s ready, it’s going to happen, it’s going to flow, and it’s going to be right and I’ll know it.” As fans wait anxiously in anticipation for her album, Monifah is currently working on a scripted show. She is also debuting her skills as an assistant director of “Baby Hold On To Me,” a production based on the music of Gerald Levertt, who was a very good friend of Monifah. She is also in the show, which will debut in Houston, Texas, this September.
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+ HER FITNESS
HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU STEP ON THE BATHROOM SCALE? BY SOL AMI PATRIA
The question that occupies the minds of many dieters who like to keep track of their own weights is this: How often should a person step on the scale? The short answer to this is no more than once a day. Below, I try to explain why you had better not become a scale addict.
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tepping on it every few minutes and even hours is not exactly the best way to benefit from a bathroom scale. The changes in weight that occur in such short periods of time are mainly due to eating, perspiration or using the bathroom. These changes are far from being permanent and it would really be better to call them fluctuations. They are also misleading. That is why jubilating over a small weight loss or grieving a small weight gain are both little more than deceiving yourself. The real changes in body weight and body composition can only happen over days and weeks with the removal of fat tissue and its replacement with muscle and you will have a better idea about those real changes if you weigh yourself no more than once a day. What is worse than being addicted to a bathroom scale is to do the same with a body fat scale. When used properly, body fat or body composition scales are awesome machines that will remove all the doubt from your mind concerning the results of your muscle building or fat burning plans. However, they are even more prone to errors and inconsistency than basic weight
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scales. Drinking a cup of water and coming back to step on the scale can cause a dramatic change in your body fat percentage measurement. The change will be much more dramatic than any fluctuation you will experience with a bathroom scale because even what could be considered the best body fat scale depends on electrical impedance analysis, a technology highly sensitive to hydration levels. If you have a daily routine, the chances are your body is in a similar state at the same hours of different days. For instance, if you go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time everyday , there is a good chance that your body will have the same hydration level every morning. This is a good time to step on the scale and get some accurate information about your weight. Remember that a scale is your best companion in the journey to having the body you want but you have to know how to treat it. Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com
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+ HER WELLNESS
CAN SO M EON E MA K E YOU
Crazy? BY LAUREN CARSON
We all, at some point in our lives, have or will have a person (people) that we swear up and down is making us crazy! This said person pushes every button you have and many more that you never knew existed. From this incessant and intense button-pushing, your worst is normally on display from yelling, cussing, insult-throwing, to even violence. However, despite the rollercoaster-like high highs and low lows of these relationship dynamics that take both a physical and mental toll, how accurate is this blame game? Is it truly “them making you” crazy? Or is it you? And the answer is: this is an “it’s me not you” cliché instance. No one can make you crazy! Contrary to how you may feel another person’s actions may activate or trigger your own, you and you alone dictate your actions. Contrary to the Beyoncé and Jay-Z hit song, it’s not cute to be “crazy in love”. Outside of the unhealthy mental pressures, there are several other enormous consequences to such “making me crazy” relationships:
1. Effect on Dependents: These twister relationships bring out the worst in us. And if dependents are involved, toxic-learned behaviors of how to handle conflict emerge, causing a continuum of the dysfunctional and detrimental cycle. 2. Legal Consequences: When this personal loss of control inevitably occurs, you and you alone are left to pick up the pieces and deal with consequences of your own personal actions as seen in sensualized episodes of Snapped marathons or in the Oscar Pistorius case playing out for the world to see. 3. Not the Best You: It is difficult to focus and function as the best you when your personal life is spiraling, even if this spiraling isn’t frequent. Issues in your personal life can affect your relationships with others including family and friends, your work and just everyday life in a negative way. 4. Secrecy: When everything is going bad, there is a tendency to hide the facts. Increased social media pressures create a false sense of fairy-tale lives: The Chris Brown and Rihanna incident seems more plausible than the turmoil of their relationship that was kept under wraps until it blew up. 5. Domestic Violence: Domestic violence and violence in general, for that matter, is never ok. For someone to “make you crazy” implies a loss of control, and loss of control can easily lead to violent behaviors: verbal or physical. And once that line is crossed with an individual, it inevitably becomes easier for that line to be crossed again. For love or any relationship to pull out the “crazy” in someone is an inaccurate notion. We all have to take responsibility for our actions and feelings, and when appropriate, put them in check. Now, this does not mean don’t fume when you find out your partner has cheated or spent all your joint savings on a hidden gambling addiction. But this means take a second to react. Going “Left-Eye” on someone will get you nowhere in the relationship and will, at times, land you in jail! Reacting in such a way that brings out the worst in yourself and possibly another person is detrimental, and ultimately, not healthy. But, as with any other issue, the first step is to admit that you have an issue. And the second step is to take responsibility for your actions. When you feel intense feelings of a dysfunctional and toxic dynamic with any individual, politely exit and sever ties the best way you can. And if you feel that you cannot do this alone, seek help. Talk to family and friends, and even seek the assistance of a mental health professional. If you are possibly in an abusive situation, reach out to local domestic abuse/violence prevention hotline. Remember: we are all the masters of our lives and our relationships.
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+ HER FOOD
BOWLING FOR food BY ANNETTE JOHNSON
Food is something that Malika Bowling takes seriously. She is the author of “Food Lovers’ Guide to Atlanta,” “Food Blogging 101” and the founder of Atlanta Restaurant Blog. Malika has also served as a judge at various culinary competitions and food festivals, including Taste of Atlanta.
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n 2009, the 38-year-old formed the Association of Food Bloggers, a nonprofit organization. She started the association because there were so many people who were starting food blogs but for all the wrong reasons. “I think they started it because they just saw that there is a lot of free stuff, free meals you get from blogging. That’s not the reason you start a blog. There were lots of people who just didn’t have ethics around it. I wanted to start an organization that said, ‘Here are the ethics to follow. Here’s the guideline to starting a blog. They didn’t know what they were doing.”
In general, she felt that people needed guidance in starting a food blog, but she also wanted to see bloggers establish a profitable business. “I’m really passionate about my own blog that I started seven years ago, and I really want bloggers to be successful, not only because I’m passionate about food, but I’m also passionate about explaining to other people how they can build their own business, and build a career and a brand for themselves.” She has become a mentor, as well as a referral source for companies looking to do business with “reputable” food bloggers. Because of her role in the association, she was subsequently offered the opportunity to author her first book titled “Food Lovers’ Guide to Atlanta.” Surely, some may think that food tasting could become monotonous in the same city, such as Atlanta, but Malika assures otherwise. “There is just something different to try all the time. It’s very rare that I end up going to the same restaurant twice.” Meanwhile, she says she cooks at home about twice per week. Although she is from India, she doesn’t prepare native dishes because a family from Guyana adopted her from an orphanage as a small child. “The Guyanese food that I’m used to is pretty different from traditional Indian cooking. As a kid growing up,” she continues, “I had a lot of aunties that cooked great Guyanese dishes for us, so unfortunately, I didn’t learn to cook them. I wish I had because I crave that food all the time.” In fact, she bemoans the fact that there are no Guyanese restaurants in Atlanta, so she says she doesn’t get to eat that food very often. Eating and a Balanced Life Besides running the association and being a freelance writer to publications like USA Today, she provides various marketing services to small businesses. “I work a lot, but I do like what I do,” she asserts. To get a mental break from work, she says she goes to the gym three to four times per week, and she meditates. She left the corporate world several years ago, and says she has no regrets about making the decision to become a food blogger. Popular bloggers are typically invited to try the food at restaurants. Malika says she never asks to review a restaurant. “If they want me, they’ll ask me.” She has a lot of friends and family who envy her role as a restaurant reviewer, thinking all she does is show up and get a good meal. “People don’t understand how much work goes into putting a good review together. Anybody can take pictures and put a couple of paragraphs on a blog, but I take pride in my work and what I do. It takes me a long time to write a good review. I go through and edit all my pictures.” Described as a “fantastic photographer,” her husband often accompanies her hers-magazine.com
to take pictures, which can be seen on her blog. Ever the optimistic, Malika can usually always find something positive to say about a restaurant in her dining reviews. “Usually, it’s not that everything is horrible.” If everything is bad about the meal, and that’s happened a handful of times, she tells the publicist or rep, “Look, this was really bad. I can’t find anything good to say about this. I will still write this review, but I’m going to write it honestly. Do you want me to say all of this stuff? If they say ‘no, don’t write the review,’ I just won’t write anything.” She wants to publish honest food reviews because she wants to maintain integrity with the readers. “Because if you don’t have your readership and you’re not honest with them, you don’t have anything. If people are not coming to your site to read your blog, you won’t have advertising opportunities and you won’t be invited back to restaurants. It’s a delicate balance. You want to keep the restaurants happy, but you need to be honest to keep the readers happy as well.” While she enjoys cooking to a certain degree, she has no intention of becoming a restaurant owner. “I understand that it’s really, really hard work to run a restaurant, and that’s some people’s dream, just like what I do is my dream… I don’t want to go tearing them apart, but I do want to be honest. I don’t want people to spend their hard-earned money at a restaurant, and the food is bad.” Beyond Food In an effort to give back to her native land, she has decided to start a charity, Mardai Harricharan Foundation, for orphans in India. “There are so many children in India living in poverty, and they don’t have nearly the opportunities that I’ve had.” She journeyed back to India last November along with her father and brother, who was also adopted from an orphanage in India. She beams while sharing, “We were actually able to work with an orphanage over there and give them some money.” They are in the process of starting a nonprofit to provide greater educational opportunities. “Education is the only way to overcome the poverty over there,” she explains. With 40 percent of the population living in poverty, according to Malika, she says, “If I can even have a small impact on that, I’ll feel like I’ve done something good.” She also wants to expand upon what she is already doing professionally. “I would love to have a TV show, and I would love one that had a lot of travel in it.” To that end, she has added a travel section to her popular blog. “I’d like to do more,” says Malika, who is looking forward to expanding her brand in order to help her readers and native country.
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+ HER BUSINESS
Women Instinctively Have What it Takes to Make Partnerships Work BY BRITNEY HARDWEARE
If Beyoncé’s “Run the World (Girls)” girl-power anthem was not enough of a wake-up call to get women motivated about owning and asserting their personal power, Betsy Polk and Maggie Ellis Chotas’s book, Power Through Partnership: How Women Lead Better Together, serves as a seven-chapter reminder, just in case you forgot.
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ower Through Partnership reminds women that not only do women have power individually, but that this power is multiplied when women unite in a strategic manner. Polk and Chotas credit partnership as the reason for their successful 12-year consulting firm. Using real-life experiences from their partnership as well as from interviews with 125 women business partners, they provide a practical guide for women who are tired of working solo or fighting only to be picked last in a man’s game. Those interviewed include The Indigo Girls and bakery owners Heather White and Lori Joyce of the Cupcake Girls. Do not be misled. This book is not just for CEOs and corporate employees; it speaks to any woman looking to succeed on her own terms with a little bit of help. The book opens with a foreword by the ground-breaking author of The Atlantic’s “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,” Anne-Marie Slaughter. She commends the authors for their practical solution to partnerships, crediting her own success to the idea as well. “I think the reason this book resonates so powerfully with me is that it taps the secret of much of my own success, certainly as a scholar. Early on, I found that if I took on a project with a co-author, I would not let the person down...So 82
finding a partner was actually a way of making sure I did the things I knew I really should do for myself,” Slaughter said.
beginning it or keeping it going, for that matter) would be a walk in the park,” the duo explained.
In the book, Polk and Chotas analyze the connection between women and partnership, and why there is a greater probability for success when the two are involved. For feminist scholars and enthusiasts, their musings echo difference feminism that celebrates inherently feminine qualities as a means of power and leverage. For instance, the desire for connection and rapport should remain at the core of women’s relationships instead of aspiring to masculine qualities of hierarchy and “means to an end “mentality.
Polk and Chotas’s solution of partnership is refreshing for women who want practical answers and step-by-step directions to a successful partnership. The book’s simplicity is what makes the solution of partnership, in itself, so ground-breaking and revolutionary.
The duo also debunks myths that women are all too familiar with when it comes to female camaraderie and work relationships: cat-fighting and mistrust of each other. They attribute these myths as barriers to successful female partnership and slash away at the falsehoods to reveal the truth. However, do not think this book preaches only a female “Kumbayah” and that every partnership leads to a happy ending. Polk and Chotas address the risks of partnerships, provide tips on choosing the right partner, guide readers in conflict resolution, and even prepare them for the possibility of a partnership’s ending. “Nobody said ending a partnership (or
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Now as an advisory warning: do not read this book in one sitting, no matter how tempting it may be. If you do, you may experience words like “partnership,” “flexibility,” and “mutual accountability” swirling above your head like stars in a cartoon. This is due to the book’s conceptbuilding format, which reiterates key concepts throughout the book. If you read straight through, you may start thinking, ‘Didn’t I just read that?’ Yes, yes you did. Still, these key concepts will get and keep you inspired to achieve your own dreams through partnerships, leaving you with the feeling of attending a seminar without the skimpy lunches and long ride home. If you want to open that salon with a girlfriend, go ahead. If you want to start that YouTube channel with a colleague, you can do it. However, read the Power Through Partnership: How Women Lead Better Together first in order to ensure a greater chance at success.
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+ HER TV
The obvious one is that they don’t believe the child is theirs. However, in many of those instances, after asking them a series of questions, it’s obvious that the majority of them could potentially be the father. But they are in denial.
A DAY IN TV’S ‘PATERNITY COURT’ RESOLVES REALLIFE QUESTIONS BY TAMARA KING
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ourt TV shows with heavygaveled judges can be addictive, as evidenced by Judge Judy, which has been on the air for almost 20 years. More recent shows such as “Paternity Court” do not deviate one bit with its hard-hitting Judge Lauren Lake. Hers magazine had a chance to go behindthe-scenes for a live taping as a part of the show’s studio audience. The set, housed by the Georgia Public Broadcasting building, is actually a mock up of a courtroom instead of a real one. Make no mistake, though, everything after this was the real deal. The plaintiff and the defendant both came into the courtroom first. Next, the bailiff yelled “all rise” to indicate the entrance of the judge and for the studio audience to stand. The poised, petite, and confident Lake entered the room and took her place on the bench. Lake, a Detroit native and Atlanta resident, is also a legal and relationship expert who graduated with a law degree from Wayne State University. In the case that the audience observed, a man was questioning the paternity hers-magazine.com
of his daughter with his ex-girlfriend. The defendant, despite her questionable rebuttals, was sure that the plaintiff was her child’s father. The volleying of words was overwhelming; it’s impressive how well Lake kept up with statements during the episode. After hearing both sides and reviewing evidence, Lake was ready to deliver the DNA results. The episode aired on September 21st as a part of their Season 3 premiere, so the results will have to be a surprise. After the results were announced, Lake provided tear-jerking comfort in her words and advice to both the plaintiff and defendant. After recovering from the emotional episode, Hers snapped selfies and complimented outfits with the beautiful, bubbly Lauren Lake. She was also gracious enough sit down and answer a few questions for our readers. Here’s what she had to say: Q: What is the main reason men challenge the paternity of a child? L: There are various reasons that a man will challenge the paternity of the child.
Q: Has being the judge of “Lauren Lake’s Paternity Court” made you more compassionate toward fathers or just the opposite? L: In my courtroom, I see so many men come to court hoping to be the father. Even when the results prove they aren’t the dad, it’s uplifting to see a man still commit to being a part of the child’s life regardless of the results. Q: Do you ever personally follow-up with cases? L: All the time! There have been so many instances where I ask one of the producers how a certain family is doing. We give them a call to check in on their progress. We truly care about these families and their futures. We have a licensed therapist on site [who] provides guests with counseling after court and resources in their home state to continue the healing process. Q: What can women learn from watching the show? L: Often times, I say that the show could be called “Maternity Court” because I’ve found that many of the paternity cases are the result of the mother’s poor choices. I want women to make smarter choices and realize that they don’t need to give themselves away, but instead empower themselves to know their potential and their worth. Q: What is your advice to women who are facing paternity issues? L: Resolving the issue sooner than later is best for you, the potential father, and especially the child. I see so many adults come to court and wish their mother would have taken the necessary steps to resolve this issue when they were [children] instead of growing up with doubts and confusion.
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+ HER MOVIES
War Room
Overcomes with Black Cast in the Box Office BY BRITNEY HARDWEARE
“War Room” proves that a film with Christian values can hold its own in the box office. And it’s not because of the generic script or the innovative concept of a “war room”; the credit goes to its powerfully evangelical cast.
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ritten by brothers Alex and Stephen Kendrick, the film grossed $11.4 million in its opening weekend of August 28th, according to Cecilia Kang of the Washington Post. “War Room” tells the story of triple-threat real estate agent, mother, and wife (yes, in that order), Elizabeth Jordan (Priscilla Shirer). In the movie, Elizabeth struggles to keep a failing marriage alive with her straying husband, Tony (T.C Stallings), a fast-track pharmaceutical sales representative. Juggling hectic schedules and a stale relationship, the couple has emotionally neglected their young daughter, Danielle (Alena Pitts). Just when her situation seems to be permanently hopeless, Elizabeth knocks on Miss Clara’s (Karen
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Abercrombie) door as her new agent. The elderly woman has a divine sense that Elizabeth’s faith and family are on the rocks. She invites Elizabeth to meet with her weekly to strengthen her faith through vigilant prayer. The weekly prayer meetings blossom into a friendship that encourages Elizabeth to seek God for guidance in her life. Her prayer life becomes an example for Danielle and, eventually, Tony. Their newly strengthened faith is tested, requiring Tony and the family to choose who they will ultimately serve: God or the world. The film is the Kendrick brothers’ fifth production together, but their first time using a predominately black cast as a movie’s main characters. And it’s, well, refreshing. It’s refreshing to see a conventional black family free of stereotypical woes: baby mama drama,
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“It doesn’t seem that she is wearing her character like a costume, but Shirer transforms into this woman at her wits end, easily identifying with anyone in a stale romantic relationship.”
BY KARRI BATES
poverty, abuse, etc. A family that has simply just checked out on one another. And a problem that has a simple solution (or at least a simple start): prayer. Shirer proves to be all things Biblical— on- and off-screen. She has a Master’s degree in Biblical studies and is cofounder of Going Beyond Ministries before she was introduced to Hollywood. “War Room” allows her to share her expertise and raw talent to fuel her fiery, spiritual, and tear-jerking performance throughout the film. In the movie, Shirer’s character finally has enough of the havoc that the Devil has wreaked in her home. She runs out into her backyard screaming and yelling at the sky, telling Satan that he “has no authority” in her her life or home. Although it comes off just a bit cheesy, she gets the job done. She fills the moviegoers’ hearts with empathy as she when humbly prays for her unfaithful husband while he is out wining and dining a potential mistress. It doesn’t seem that she is wearing her character like a costume; Shirer transforms into a woman honestly at her wits end. hers-magazine.com
The talent does not end with Shirer. Acting powerhouse Miss Clara (Abercrombie) gives an equally fiery performance in the movie with her trembling voice and evangelical spunk. Her dramatic charge for prayer warriors was inspiring and moving at the close of the film, urging believers everywhere to come together and stand firm in Christ. Abercrombie’s talents were surprisingly well complemented by 11-year old Alena Pitts, who also made her acting debut with “War Room”. Pitts left the audience teary-eyed as her character struggled to feel loved in a family that was falling apart. Her honesty tugged at heartstrings as she questioned her mother about her team’s name was or what award she’d won that week, knowing her mother would not know the answers. In addition to the raw acting talent, there were no scenes of people bursting out into dramatic song and dance (not the Kendrick brothers’ style). Now, don’t get it misunderstood: those films are great too, but it does become exhausting to see these dramatics continuously attached to a single race. The lack of
these fluffy theatrics alone allowed the film to be more authentic because musical outbursts are not what makes life life (at least for most people). However, there were some kinks throughout the film. The silent, emotional family montages could have been significantly shorter without compromising the message. Also, Shirer and Stallings lacked a certain passionate chemistry that are characteristic in secular dramas; they were less affectionate as one would imagine a husband and wife to be (they don’t even kiss at the end). However, all in all, these things did not hurt the film’s message or overall delivery. In fact, “War Room” acts as a vessel for universal themes of love, marriage, and faith, proving that Black actors can successfully draw a crowd of people from all types of backgrounds. Its cautionary tale could have easily been told with white, Asian, or Hispanic faces, which makes for a beautifully relatable film with the potential to convict believers of every race to invest in their relationship with God.
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