Inside Magazine (Chigwell and Buckhurst Hill) - March/April 2023

Welcome to the March/April edition of Inside Magazine, the local magazine for Chigwell and Buckhurst Hill.

Believe it or not, I’m not really an optimist. I have this annoying habit of practically mourning when we reach the halfway point of a holiday. This became so extreme that I started mourning when we reached a quarter of the holiday, because we were halfway to the halfway point. Then it was an eighth. I remember getting out of a plane at an inauspicious airport in Spain, wearing my sombrero, and saying to my wife that we may as well go straight home as the holiday was nearly over.

When I was two, I said to my father, “My life is almost done, papa. I may as well call it a day.”

“Oh do shut up and get back up that chimney,” he said wearily.

I’m a glass 1%-empty kind of bloke. I have a healthy sneering contempt for those clownish 99%-full dupes with their misplaced sense of optimism. I see beyond their superficial joy to a darker sadness lurking everywhere.

Maybe the ultimate expression of this view is in my unerring support for Tottenham Hotspur. In the unlikely event that they should go 1-0 up, I say (correctly) “Expect we’ll lose 1-4.”

David Young

Andy

www.insidemagazinelocal.co.uk

E4 Publishing, PO Box 64950, Chingford, London, E4 0BG

NB. Copy deadline date for our next issue (May/June) is April 14th.

AN ARTICLE ABOUT NOTHING AT ALL

STORY: DAVID YOUNG IMAGES: OPEN SOURCE

“OKthen,” the proprietor of this magazine said.

“What nonsense are you going to write about this time?”

“Nothing,” I replied with annoying smugness.

“Sounds like an improvement on last month,” the owner said.

Encouraged by his reply, I am proud to present to an eager public this full and detailed article about Nothing. What is this Nothing? Has there always been Nothing? What is the opposite of Nothing? And what can you do with Nothing? How many jokes can a hackneyed journalist make about Nothing.

But it is an important number, because, you see, Nothing really matters.

Maths, and specifically the sort of arithmetic that many of us learned as infants, occupies a strange place in our world. It’s a field where people proudly proclaim their shortcomings. “I was awful at maths,” they say, as though it’s a badge of honour. In celebrity game shows, when a numbers round is due, our greatest public figures race to display their inadequacy. I mean, one doesn’t want to be the nerd in the room.

Myself, luckily, I managed to combine a dazzling ability with numbers with an unerring insouciant air of cool. Or I thought so at least. Because I knew loads of numbers. 3, 26, and 594 to name just a few. Oh, and 8.

For quite some while, in the world of numbers, there was no Nothing. It didn’t have much of a role in arithmetic. Your average Roman didn’t wake up near a Coliseum or a Forum and wonder to himself “What do you get if you add Nothing to eight?” Egyptian pharaohs didn’t think to themselves “How many cubits higher would the pyramid be if we added no extra bricks?”

or Nil, nada, nought, niente

FIBONACCI, WHO INVENTED NOTHING

ROMAN NUMERALS WITH NO NOTHING

Say you were a tailor counting rolls of linen, or a Stone Age man counting his mammoth tusks. You only needed regular old numbers such as 3 or 26. Or, if you were a really powerful Stone Age man, 594. But there was no need for Stone Age man to register that he had no rolls of linen, nor for the tailor to say that he had no mammoth tusks.

So why does Nothing matter? In our notation, 103 and 13 are different numbers. The figure ‘0’ in the former tells us that we have one hundred, and three units, but zero tens. This allows us to do calculations. If you try to add Roman numerals, let’s say CXI and XCI, it’s mind-boggling, even to a nerd like me, unless you translate to 111 and 91. In this context, the zero is said to act as a placeholder. The concept of using a zero to represent nothingness had been established in about 500AD in India, not exactly as a number but more of a philosophical observation. It only reached Europe in the 1200s when the Italian Fibonacci introduced the new-fangled Arabic system.

“What now?” I can hear people saying as they drank mead or did something else Medieval. “Whatever next? What was wrong with DCCXVII? Good traditional number, that.”

But by using a symbol for zero, Fibonacci was able to do sums without an abacus. As party pieces go this didn’t win him many fans, but he was changing the way people made calculations in every walk of life. It meant that people were able to add 111 and 91 without the stress of Xs and Cs. I guess arithmetic became easier after the 13th century. (Not the 103rd century – we haven’t had that yet.)

Not everybody approved. Religious figures saw it as Satanic. Because God, to them, was in everything, then nothingness must be the opposite of God. The Italian government of the time outlawed the number zero and it was only used by merchants in squalid backrooms in coded ways.

“Psst, Signore! Come back here. I’ve got a big fat Nothing!”

Nowadays the figure 0 is essential to everyday lives. Computers operate on a binary system of zeros and ones. All engineering and automation depends on calculations that are impossible without zeros. Without zero, you could never establish the temperature, or speed, or height. Without Nothing, we’d have nothing. See? Simple, really. There’s literally nothing to it

ZERO MONEY

Luxury Private Villa for rent in Spain

at sensible prices, with free use of our car that greets you at the airport

The story so far...

of luggage?

Lots

We bought the villa in late 2018 after battling months of red tape. We didn’t buy it to get rich, but wanted to create something that would be truly special for us, our friends, and for local people to enjoy (I live in Buckhurst Hill), making best use of our retirement pot.

We thought of things that annoy us when going away; the first was arriving to pick up a rental car, only to be told we have to get a bus 15 minutes away, and then fill in endless forms. So we decided to make no charge for Bertie, our wonderfully reliable and fuel-efficient automatic car, and garage it close to the airport, delivered when you get off the plane. Then we considered having to rent parasols and sunbeds at the beach, which for a family of 6 adults can cost €100 per day (parasol and sunbed each), so we provide everything to take down there. This attitude is everywhere at the villa; a real home from home with everything catered for. Families are welcome, but as the pool is not fenced and the villa has an exterior staircase, sadly, we can only offer the villa to those with children of at least secondary school age (11+).

Our villa has 3 double bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and a 10 metre pool Rates start from £120 per night, depending on season

Check out our 360 Virtual Tour to get a real flavour of what it’s like, visit tinyurl.com/villa360

SUDOKU

How to Play

Fill in the grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9, with no repetition!

That's all there is to it.

You solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic - there’s no maths involved and no adding up.

It's fun. It's challenging. It's addictive!

Solution on page 26

Doors and Windows

(answers on page 26)

COMMUNITY EVENTS

FORTHCOMING FREE FAMILY FUN DAY

St Edmund's Church Halls, 216 Chingford Mount Road E4, Saturday 29 April, 12-3pm. There will be a:

•Youth Steel Band

•Tombola

•All Ages Talent Show

•Crafts and activities

•Refreshments

To sign up for the talent show, please email ecnskinner@gmail.com. Find us at St Edmund's Church Halls, 216 Chingford Mount Road, E4 8JL, or visit www.stedmund.org.uk

ANNUAL CHORISTERS' MUSICAL EVENING

Saturday May 20th, 7.30pm

Chingford Parish Church, The Green, Chingford E4 7EN

Directed by Michael Emerson & Helen Cordina

Accompanist – John Rippin

Choral music by the boy and girl choristers of Chingford Parish Church and solo instrumental items.

Tickets available at the door; £10.00; concessions £7.00; under 15s £2.00.

WANSTEAD VINTAGE. ANTIQUES & VINTAGE.

Everything from A to V … 1 great venue, 2 beautiful halls, 4 times a year.

Amazing indigo textiles, designer fashions from the likes of Chanel and Hermes, gorgeous jewellery from brands such as Monet and Oscar de la Renta. Stunning silver cutlery

and objects d’art, fabulous furniture, iconic posters and beautiful pictures … Vinyl, haberdashery, books, lighting, kitchenalia... Everything you need for your home and wardrobe. All in one place.

Saturday 3rd June

Saturday 2nd September

Christmas Fair Saturday 16th

December

Wanstead United Reformed Church, Nightingale Lane, Wanstead E11 2HD

Wanstead or Snaresbrook tube (Central Line) - 5 minute walk

Early entry 9.30am - £4.00

Standard entry from 10.30am£2.50

Concessions for NUS and OAP from 10.30am - £1.50

Accompanied children under 14 - Free

Email: karen@wansteadvintage.com

Instagram/Twitter/Facebook: wansteadvintage

Website: www.wansteadvintage.com

LONDON FOREST CHOIR

Saturday June 24th, 7.30pm. Chingford Parish Church, The Green, Chingford E4 7EN

The London Forest Choir with soloists and orchestra Haydn: CREATION

Jonathan Rathbone, conductor Tickets available in advance and on the door - see www.londonforestchoir.org

SOUTH WEST ESSEX CHOIR

Saturday July 1st, 7.30pm.

Chingford Parish Church, The Green, Chingford E4 7EN

South West Essex Choir

Beethoven: MASS IN C; CHORAL FANTASY; CLAM SEA AND PROSPEROUS VOYAGE

Andrew Sackett, conductor Tickets: see website

and what’s on...

www.southwestessexchoir.org. uk or available on the door

WEDNESDAYS IN SUMMER

at Chingford Parish Church, The Green, Chingford E4 7EN

More popular concerts of Lunchtime Organ Music, 1.101.50pm

July 19th – Joel Colyer (Organ Scholar, Chingford Parish Church)

July 26th – Michael Emerson (Director of Music, Chingford Parish Church)

August 2nd – Ben Markovic (Organist: St Mary Magdalene, Enfield)

August 9th – John Rippin

August 16th – David Cook

August 23rd – Stephen King (Organist: Brentwood Cathedral)

August 30 th – Simon Winters (Organist: St John’s Epping) Admission free. Collection in aid of music funds.

ce@insidemagazinelocal.co.uk.

PUZZLE SOLUTIONS

Crossword page 14

Across:

1 Shaggy, 4 Swamps, 9 Improve, 10

Order, 11 Clean, 12 Logical, 13

Respectable, 18 Uniform, 20 Cache, 22

Siege, 23 Neutral, 24 Duties, 25 Stayed.

Down:

1 Switch, 2 Apple, 3 Grown-up, 5

Wrong, 6 Medical, 7 Stroll, 8

Replacement, 14 Evident, 15 Account, 16 Nursed, 17 Yelled, 19 Obese, 21

Carry.

AFFORDABLE LOCAL ADVERTISING

To find out how Inside Magazine can help you and your business, call Andy on 0800 610 2240

Sudoku page 12

Quiz page 24

6) one from… Simon Le Bon and Sting

7) 24

8) Daylight robbery

9) This badge ("Mama take this badge from me, I can't use it anymore")

10) How Much Is That Doggie in The Window?

1) Rod Hull (on the TV show Emu's World)

2) Experience

3) Raspberry Beret (by Prince)

4) Battenberg cake

5) b) a keyhole (it is only opened from the inside)

USEFUL NUMBERS

AL-ANON FAMILY GROUPS

For friends and families of alcoholics. Al-Anon Family Groups offer understanding and support to anyone whose life is, or has been deeply affected by someone else’s drinking whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not, whether you are living with the alcoholic or not. You need not be alone. To speak to someone who understands and for details of an Al-Anon meeting near you, ring the confidential helpline on: 020 7403 0888 (10 am-10pm)

w: www.al-anonuk.org.uk e: enquiries@al-anonuk.org.uk

Family Groups Ltd., Registered Charity.

WIN £25

FIND THE HIDDEN SMILEY COMPETITION

All you have to do is find the hidden image somewhere within one of this issue's advertisements.

HOW TO ENTER

Only one entry allowed per household from the IG7 & IG9 postcode area. All entries to be made via email only, to; competition@e4publishing.co.uk

Closing date is 30 APRIL 2023

You must state the following details; 1) the page number and which advert featured the symbol

2) your name, full address, and contact phone number

Incomplete entries ie failing to disclose the required information in items 1 and 2 will be disqualified. One winner will be chosen at random from all valid entries, and the winner will be contacted and notified.

IMPORTANT

By entering the competition you agree to our terms as listed here, and if you win, you agree to your name and address being published on our website (www.e4publishing.co.uk/resources/competition.pdf). The winner will be announced there no later than 2 weeks after the closing date.

Your details will not be passed onto any third party and we will not use your details for any purpose other than to contact the winning entrant.

No correspondence will be entered into and the judges/ editor’s decision is final.

3 June, 2 September and 16 December