DAN'S PAPERS, December 19, 2008 Page 15 www.danshamptons.com
Chubby Ernie the Christmas Chimney Sweep Elf By Dan Rattiner A Christmas Story to be Read Aloud to the Children of the Hamptons
Delivering presents to every boy and girl in the world on Christmas Eve is a very big operation. At the North Pole, there are the judge elves, who decide who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. There are the e-mail elves and the post office elves, working at computers or going to the North Pole Post Office to sort through the mail to see what kids want. There are the toy-making elves and the gift-wrapping elves and the reindeer-trainer elves and the sled-packing elves and the relay elves, whose job it is to constantly refill Santa’s sleigh while he is flying from home to home. And then there are the chimney sweep elves. How did you think Santa keeps from getting his red suit from turning black when he climbs down the
inside of all those dirty chimneys? Well, out in the southwestern region of North Pole City, there is the big clan of chimneysweep elves, who work and play together and have family outings together and who, one week before Christmas, head out in little miniature sleighs to travel the world, cleaning all the chimneys ahead of time so Santa
On the day Ernie the Elf was born, he began eating. And he just never stopped. He’d eat anything. He’d eat the things that were close to him and he’d eat what was far away from him. You would always see this little red headed boy somewhere, chomping away on this and that. It was his favorite thing to do. His parents worried about him, not so much about the fact that he ate and ate — that was good because it kept him healthy — but because if he got too fat, he’d never be a first line chimney sweep. When he was five years old and off to kindergarten, he was one of the three fat little boys in class. When he was eight years old, he was the fattest kid in the class. And when the teachers began teaching the kids all the skills of chimney sweeping — hopping out from tiny sleighs hovering above rooftops and down into the chimneys to brush and brush and brush the soot off the inside, Ernie flunked. Try as
On the day Ernie the Elf was born, he began eating. And he just never stopped. stays bright, shiny and red and white. There are about 10,000 of these elves all together. And they live next door, on one side, to a community of cookiebaker elves, who always smell of chocolate, and on the other side next to a smaller clan of sleigh-runner-waxer elves who, oh, you know what they do.
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