Dan’s Papers November 12, 2010 danshamptons.com Page 13
Inundation EH Prepares for the Worst as Town Drops Leaf Pickup By Dan Rattiner The Towns of Southampton, Riverhead, Shelter Island and Southold will be watching East Hampton Town closely to see what happens when the autumn leaves are not picked up by the Town Highway Department next week. For 50 years now, the leaves have been picked up from where they have been left by the side of the road in leaf bags on the third Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday in November in each of the East End towns. The towns own machines that do this. This year, for the first time, the leaves in East Hampton will not be picked up. The Town hopes to save over $300,000. So all the other towns will be watching. Many East Hampton residents wonder how they are going to get through this. Indeed, most of them have already received letters in the mail from the Town Attorney letting them know the town will not be responsible for cats, dogs, small children and other pets who might wander outside and become lost in the leaves. “A clause has been inserted in the town code,” Town Attorney Bishop wrote. “It reads, ‘The Town hereby demands all residents to keep their animals indoors during the last two weeks of
selling giant fans that can be attached to your roof should be ignored. Fans on roofs are illegal between November 9 and December 31 in East Hampton Town. The Town Board is fully aware that leaf blowers on roofs are being sold with the instruction that they be used to clear your chimneys for emergency egress from your house, when everybody knows they are being sold to allow people to blow leaves onto their neighbor’s property. People caught blowing leaves onto their neighbors’ property will be subject to a fine of $1 per leaf. A bounty of $100 will be paid to all citizens who bring in a leaf blower fan salesman during this period. The citizenry is advised that the lifespan of leaves no longer on trees is less than three weeks. They crumble to dust and blow away. Just hang on, it will be over soon. When the roads clear, the Suffolk County Health Department trucks will be dispatched to all neighborhoods to provide psychiatric counseling and other health services free of charge. A zero tolerance policy will be in order for those who attempt to violate the No Leaf Burning ordinances. Remember, the police can follow a smoke trail backwards down to a fire. And at night, the flames are a dead giveaway. Don’t do anything foolish. The 106th National Guard Rescue Helicopter Service stationed at Gabreski Airport in Westhampton will be on full alert during the emergency.
Make sure that small children and pets are micro-chipped so their whereabouts are known at all times.
Dan Rattiner’s second memoir, IN THE HAMPTONS TOO: Further Encounters with Farmers, Fishermen, Artists, Billionaires and Celebrities, is now available in hardcover wherever books are sold. The first memoir, IN THE HAMPTONS, published by Random House, is now available in paperback.
November and the first week of December, and having issued this demand the Town thereby relieves itself of all legal obligation from any suffocating or other harm that might befall pets and offspring of residents during this emergency.” Here are other measures that East Hampton Town residents should attend to before next Wednesday: Make sure that windows on the second floor of your home can be opened and closed easily for proper entry and egress. Make sure that all small children and pets are micro chipped so their whereabouts can be known at all times. Stock up on water, canned goods, flashlights, toilet paper, batteries and reading material. Do not stock up on candles or matches. Buy a 10-foot long wooden stick with a dab of red paint on the end and attach it to the top of your car pointing straight up. Do not attempt to drive your car at all during the first week. An all-clear will be sounded when it is believed safe again. Buy lots of allergy medicine if any members of your household are allergic to leaves and dust. There will be a lot of leaves and dust. The salesmen driving around town this week
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GO SEE THE FILM “KING OF THE HAMPTONS.” Sunday, Dec. 5, 4 p.m. Bay Street Theatre 725-9500, baystreet.org