DAN'S PAPERS, July 31, 2009 Page 42 www.danshamptons.com
Jaws
SCENE 13: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backward, so you have to have faith that it will all work out.” -- Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Inc. Last summer I was running around the Hamptons in search of the extraordinary. It’s the basis for my film… Dennis Lynch, the ordinary 40-year-old guy from Massapequa, is feeding a mid-life crisis by living the extraordinary life that only happens in the Hamptons. Running can make you tired. So one day I’m sitting back - beer in hand - and the phone rings. I have ESP, so I knew the call was related to the movie and yet I wanted nothing to do with my camera. After 100 rings I answered. BINGO… it’s a PR guy raving about how his client is perfect for my movie. I said, “No thanks, the movie is locked.” He sweetens the offer, “I’ll send a limo.” I can’t be bought. Ten minutes later I get another call. It’s a PR guy only this one is canceling my celebrity interview for tomorrow. This is the third time the “celeb” canceled and now the Hicksville native in me comes out, “He’ll never hear from me again.” I’m sure he’s heartbroken. I call back PR guy #1, “Lets book an hour for tomorrow.” I never heard of Sir Ivan and there’s no time to prepare. I’m clueless how he’ll fit into my movie but he has a castle – enough said. Tomorrow comes and BANG! My hour with Sir Ivan turns into 3 days. His presence in my movie must be seen to believe. The castle is down right AWESOME. It’s fully equipped with a dungeon, mote, bridge, gargoyles, fire pits, hidden rooms, iron gates, and ancient weapons. The dungeon is my favorite. Strapping beds, cages, handcuffs, whips… the stuff that must go on in there? Sir Ivan grins, “It’s all safe.” I’d like to be a fly on the wall. Sir Ivan was a marketing VP at his father’s bank. He didn’t like his job but loved his father. The bank got sold, his father passed away, you can guess the rest. He’s 50+ years old and making up for lost time in more ways than one. He’s become the Hugh Heffner of the Hamptons. I just got my invite to this year’s party. I’m going! The best part about Sir Ivan is his chase for living his dream of being a superhero rock star he calls Peaceman. He has a superhero costume and an album cut. His plan is to sell records and give the money to his charity. At first blush he’s hard to take seriously. He’s no Frank Sinatra, but then again, he doesn’t want to be Frank. He wants to Peaceman and Sir Ivan. Both are stage names but make no mistake, this guy is for real and I wouldn’t bet against him. His style of music is different. It sounds like John Lennon meets techno, perfect for Sir Ivan’s talents and I’ll admit it’s catchy. You’re never too old to live your dream. Go for it pal… I’ll root for your songs if you root for my movie and who knows? Maybe one day we’ll both finally connect the dots. To see a picture of Sir Ivan, go to www.kinghamptons.com
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refreshed my memory about this situation because I have just sold a new book to a publisher, which will be a mate to In the Hamptons, my memoir published by Random House in May 2008. In this second memoir, In the Hamptons Too, there is a chapter about Steven Spielberg and his activities here in the Hamptons. A good bit of it involves Jaws, of course. I have been reading back issues of Dan’s Papers, particularly in the run up to the premiere of the movie when this issue of slander was in the news. Jaws, the movie, was made from a book by that name written by Peter Benchley, a summer resident of these parts. In the book, the killer shark lurks in the Atlantic off “Hampton Harbor,” a waterfront village between Bridgehampton and East Hampton. The adjacent towns are mentioned by name. The action involves keeping the existence of the shark a secret so it does not scare off the tourists. At the time — this was in the early 1970s — the Hamptons was a very quiet community whose economy was very much based on the income provided by its summer residents and tourists. In April of that year, with this issue of slander and libel in the air — could a movie that terrified people keep them from coming here? — I spoke at length to the marketing director of this movie, a man named Ben Salweather from Universal Studios in Los Angeles, about this problem. “What if I made a movie about a sniper at Universal picking off studio tour visitors with a high powered rifle, and you executives trying to keep that hush hush?” I asked. “Couldn’t you sue me?” He looked into it, spoke to the film’s lawyers, and got back to me. As a result of that very concern, the movie very specifically is about some place other than Hampton Harbor. It takes place in a fictional resort called Amity. “Other places are mentioned. Nantucket, Cape Cod, the Hamptons, Martha’s Vineyard. But none of them are Amity.” Problem solved — although now, it occurred to us, all the publicity that might have ensued by a connection between the movie and the Hamptons was by the boards. It cut both ways. Here, a generation later, the makers of “Royal Pains” have the same problem, but choose not to do anything about it. The slander is the same. The action, it says, takes place in the Hamptons. Southampton Hospital is the only hospital in the Hamptons, so that is what they must be referring to. In slander and libel, one set of rules — very stern rules — applies when you are saying bad things about an ordinary and private entity. Another set of rules — less stringent ones — apply when dealing with someone who is a celebrity. With a celebrity, you have to have done it deliberately. That measure is not required for slander against an ordinary citizen. In other words, you can legally say a celebrity is a terrible person if he divorces his wife. You cannot say that if it is just some ordinary Joe. In 1975, the Hamptons was an ordinary Joe. In 2009, the Hamptons is a celebrity. The slander against Southampton Hospital,
or “Hampton Heritage Hospital,” is, in “Royal Pains,” quite deliberate. It is part of the plot. The plot of “Royal Pains” concerns the filthy rich of the Hamptons, and their sense of entitlement. Here in the Hamptons, many rich people pay to have a physician on retainer. When a rich person has a headache and calls, the physician answers. Physicians who arrange to do this are called concierge doctors. Personally, I have never heard of concierge doctors. However, it turns out, they actually exist, and there are people who pay to have them, even to talk to them about what to do for a hangover. Amazing. The star of “Royal Pains” is the handsome and sexy actor Mark Feuerstein, who does right by his patients, or as right as much as they will let him, considering that many of the rich like to make the diagnoses and treatments of their pains themselves. Then there is Hampton Heritage Hospital. People are sent there, but it is treated as a sort of lying in place. If at all possible, the filthy rich are always choppered out to specialists in the City. The hospital is for “citiots,” as the actors say. Citiots wait in line at Hampton Heritage for tests. The rich don’t. The makers of “Royal Pains,” when contacted by Southampton Hospital officials, argued that they are NOT slandering Southampton Hospital and are, in fact, referring to Hampton Heritage in very positive terms. So the slander is not from them. It is the characters in the show — the boorish and entitled rich (see “New York Housewives”), who snub their noses at the place. Blame them. Sue the characters. “Everyone knows this is all made up,” one of their lawyers said. “It is a TV show.” Yeah. And a 40-foot shark that deliberately eats beachgoers is just a fiction too. It did, however, at the time, scare the daylights out of everybody, some of whom for years afterwards wouldn’t set foot in the Atlantic Ocean. As a matter of fact, so many people stayed away from Amity that, well, the mayor and village councilmen eventually decided to change its name. Today it is known as, well, I can’t say that.
Estate
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ified farmland or land of conservation value from federal estate tax (and other transfer taxes) subject to a lien that runs with the land.” However there will be a, “Recapture tax penalty” that is binding on any successive owners and is due upon cessation of use inconsistent with the conservation intent. The sale or donation of development rights or conservation easements will not trigger estate tax recapture. The recapture tax penalty is based on the fair market value of the land at time of “cessation of use inconsistent with the conservation intent.” Halsey understands this may be an uphill fight, but he also believes his life’s work of preserving an agricultural option for the East End of Long Island is a cause worth fighting for.