Dan's Papers May 22, 2009

Page 49

DAN'S PAPERS, May 22, 2009 Page 48 www.danshamptons.com

Sno-Cones

(continued from page 45)

there are ice cream people selling frozen Snickers bars and potato chips. The statute also does not prohibit a vendor from parking in places other than what he wrote down. A week ago, a truck was parked in a legal spot downtown selling stuff. Turns out you can’t keep him down at the beach if he doesn’t want to be there. Back in those days long ago, there was plenty of parking, plenty of beach space and if you heard the jingling of the Good Humor truck coming down your street, you grabbed some change and went down and ran after it. So what is an unemployed bond trader or

Lake Agawam

securities bundler supposed to do to come to the Hamptons? Easy. In fact, by now you have even figured it out. Get a truck. Get a vendor’s license and head on out. There is nothing to prevent you from vending condo purchases on the Upper East Side, or the best cashmere sweaters, or summer hats with big floppy brims or — and I will get to why this is in a moment — the finest mink coats. When you go down to Town Hall, just make sure your wagon is equipped with the proper equipment for vending sno-cones or ice cream or hot dogs as the law allows. When you get the application, write down Main Beach and sno-

cones. Then head out from New York with whatever it is you want to sell, park on Newtown or Gingerbread Lane and do what you want. Whatever laws the Town will shortly pass will be too late for this summer. They’ll be in effect for next year. And so, naturally, you’ll be able to bang around and rub shoulders with all those at the American Hotel, Bobby Van’s, Nello’s, Nick and Toni’s, the Laundry or Star Boggs who have survived the crash. At night, sleep in the truck on the mink coats. There is little better in life than sleeping on mink.

(continued from page 41)

heavy doses of nutrients from wastewater. Storm water, coming in largely from a drain on the north end of the pond that collects water from the whole downtown, brings with it lawn fertilizer, nitrogen and phosphorous. So far, with the lake’s approval, lots of action has already been taken to try to clean the water. People with homes fronting on the lake have been urged to not fertilize within 175 feet of the shoreline, and to instruct their gardeners to use biodegradable fertilizer rather than high chemical content fertilizer on their lawns. The village, earlier this year, requested $2.3 million in federal funds for storm water abatement and recharge projects. There is a dry well project now just getting completed at the foot of Jobs Lane. And there is in the works, though

it’s still awaiting approval, a plan to build a sewage treatment plant and more piping to reroute the ground water. Meanwhile, the Town Trustees have already installed six oxygen bubblers at the south end of the lake to reoxygenate the water to keep fish healthy and free from suffocation. I think if I were the lake, and they were to install audio on the site, I would say, while still gasping for air, thank you very much to a whole lot of people and organizations, including Dr. Christopher Gobler of Stony Brook Southampton College, Mayor Mark Epley of Southampton Village, Chuck Scarborough, David Bohnett and Whitney Stevens and the others who founded and today run the LACA, the Town Trustees, such as Fred Havermeyer,

the firm of Nelson, Pope and Voorhis, who last October presented a management plan for the lake, the Environmental Protection Agency, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention for its recent warning that cyanobacterial levels in the lake could become converted to mist that could be toxic to humans, Southampton Town Supervisor Linda Kabot, the Southampton Village Highway Department for the storm drains and the dry wells and, well, click here: “(Gasp) thank you all, everyone, (gasp), I am sure you are all helping out in every way you can (gasp) and I just hope I can hang on for just a little longer until the tide turns.� Good old Lake Agawam. Always good for a pun.

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