DAN'S PAPERS, May 14, 2010 Page 28 www.danshamptons.com
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By Dan Rattiner Week of May 14—May 20, 2010 Riders this week: 6,313 Rider miles this week: 79, 512 A FIRST The number of riders on the subway and the number of rider miles on the subway this week exactly matches the same number for last week. This has never happened before. DOWN IN THE TUBE Seen on the subway this week were Mayor Bloomberg and his girlfriend Diana Taylor, for-
mer Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and his wife Judith Nathan, Governor wannabe Andrew Cuomo traveling alone and former Mayors Ed Koch and David Dinkins, in some sort of animated conversation in the third car from the front. CAFETERIA TO OPEN FOR LUNCH As a means of raising revenue, Hampton Subway will be opening its company cafeteria to the general public next Thursday. The cafeteria is located in the basement of the Hampton Subway Building on Ponquogue Avenue in Hampton Bays. All are welcome to enjoy the
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meatloaf, whipped potatoes, fruit jello molds and turkey loaf anytime from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Come mingle with the employees. Cash only. GREEN Hampton Subway is going green. All our subway cars will be painted a wonderful shade of grass green before Memorial Day Weekend as our contribution to saving the environment. You may have heard there is asbestos paint on the cars now and that is true. The cars were last painted at a time when it was thought putting asbestos in paint was a good thing. Now, prior to painting, all the asbestos paint will be steamed off late at night by high-powered compressed air sprayers out of doors at our Montauk Subway yards during the next few weeks. Montauk residents are urged to keep their windows closed every night between now and Memorial Day. DEMONSTRATION ON HAMPTON BAYS PLATFORM Members of a radical right wing splinter of the political group “The Tea Party” will be holding protests and carrying signs on the Southampton Hampton Subway Platform next Sunday afternoon. Called the “All or Nothing Tea Party” members will be demonstrating in favor of taking over Hampton Subway and firing all employees in order to let the straphangers run it themselves. “This is a complete waste of taxpayers’ money,” their flier says. “If the Minutemen can volunteer to control the Mexican-American border, there is no reason why the straphangers cannot volunteer to man the token booths, run the trains and do the maintenance. This will completely free up the American taxpayers from spending one thin dime for the Hampton Subway.” The flier shows a picture of our esteemed Commissioner Bill Aspinall, wearing a Hitler moustache and his eyebrows painted in a scowl. “The astronomic annual pay package this man gets is a scandal,” the flier continues. “No one should be paid more than $2 million a year to run a subway system.” COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S WEEKLY MESSAGE The demonstration to be held this Saturday afternoon at 2 by the right wing of “The Tea Party” is taking place with the full approval of the Hampton Subway management. We believe in Freedom of Speech and American Democracy. This is what makes America great. Please be aware that we have approved an application for 335 demonstrators. It would be wise to make alternate plans rather than using the subway that afternoon. We did get a message about this from my friend Sarah Palin. “Golly, I don’t know about NO employees,” she wrote. “Maybe at least one subway motorman should be continued to be employed. He could teach volunteers how to drive the subway. Otherwise how would the volunteers know how to do that?” She says she will attend the demonstration, if her schedule permits. On another note, these demonstrators should be made aware that Hampton Subway is privately owned. No government money is involved. I don’t know if that changes anything. And on still another note, the plan for the new Hampton Bays Down Home Cafeteria Restaurant in our headquarters building is a wonderful idea, no matter what the building department says. I wish I’d thought of that myself. Cheers, from Cancun.