Dan’s Papers April 13, 2012 danshamptons.com Page 11
Go Away New Group Formed Here to Drive Away Summer People By Dan Rattiner A new group was formed last week here in the Hamptons that is devoted to having fewer people come to our community in the summertime rather than more. The group, called The Go Away Group or GAG, remembers the nightmare traffic we had here back in 2008, the lines at the restaurants, the lack of parking, the booting of cars, the roving gangs of celebutards and the extraordinary surliness exhibited by overworked waiters in expensive restaurants. “We were inspired by the demonstrations on Wall Street and Long Wharf in Sag Harbor against the 1%,� said Abigail Higgenbottom,
We were inspired by the demonstrations on Wall Street and Long Wharf in Sag Harbor against the 1%.
Dan Rattiner’s second memoir, IN THE HAMPTONS TOO: Further Encounters with Farmers, Fishermen, Artists, Billionaires and Celebrities, is available in hardcover wherever books are sold. The first memoir, IN THE HAMPTONS, published by Random House, is available in paperback. A third memoir, STILL IN THE HAMPTONS, will be published June 30.
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who says there are already 200 members signed on. A brochure is being handed out at the Shinnecock Canal Bridge, eastbound lane, and full-page ads will be placed in the most effective media in the Hamptons, Dan’s Papers. Here is what the brochure says. Dear City People: WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES Did you know that the Hamptons, which you are about to enter, are fraught with serious problems? Here is a list of just some of them. The local people have known about them for years. They just don’t want you to know about them. So turn around and go back to the city.
To do that, take the next major exit turnoff marked STONY BROOK SOUTHAMPTON COLLEGE, cross the tracks and make a U-turn before you get to the entrance to the college (The college is closed now. The dorms are occupied by gypsies.) Then turn left when the light turns green and you will be going back the way you came.
Note to those doing this between 6 p.m. and 7 p.m.: Isn’t the sunset over the road heading back to the city pretty? HERE ARE SOME OF THE PROBLEMS NOBODY WANTS YOU TO KNOW ABOUT Deer on the highways have always been a problem. Usually an accident is avoided when the deer runs off in time, but now a newer and larger species of deer is here—and these big deer, some more than nine feet tall and weighing as much as 500 pounds, have apparently joined some sort of extremist religious group bent on suicide. They walk out into the road when they see a car coming, sit (continued on page 14)
$# – Travel to Yankee Stadium for a fun-ďŹ lled evening. 7:05 p.m. Game – Grandstand tickets. "" $# ! – See a great game at Citi Field. 1:10 p.m. Game. Ticket - Field Box 126. "" % &– Ground-breaking stage illusions set the backdrop to the story of two lovers separated by an act Let Hampton Jitney do all the work. We provide the tickets, of violence. Orchestra ticket & lunch. "" motor coach, driver, and tour escort. All arrangements are – Buffet luncheon, guide, timed admission made for you. Many more tours are available‌ X s www.hamptonjitney.com ticket to the 9/11 Memorial (a national tribute of remembrance and honor to the people killed in the terror attacks). "" 10805