DAN'S PAPERS, April 9, 2010 Page 47 www.danshamptons.com
House/ home
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By Susan Galardi
A few years ago, I was sitting on bench at Herrick Park watching our son play, and eavesdropping on two unrelated parents. A dad and a mom of two little girls playing on the monkey bars were watching and talking about their kids. From the conversation, I gleaned that both families were from the Upper East Side, and came out to their second homes in the Hamptons on the weekend. Part of the conversation went like this: Man: Your daughter is always smiling. She’s such a happy kid. Woman: She has no reason not to be. Man: That doesn’t always matter. I looked at the two children. One little girl was laughing as she swung from the bars. The other was also playing, but with a serious, almost angry look. Who doesn’t want their kid to be happy? In this country, we value happiness over many things, including material wealth. We use happiness as a gauge of success, if not a rationalization for not having more ourselves. I had a grumpy grandmother who used to tell me that rich people had money, but they were mean and bitter. On the flip side, there are the optimists who look at struggling newlyweds and comment, “They don’t have much but they’re so happy and that’s what counts.” In addition to all the other things parents guilt themselves about not giving their child from a better bike to better genes – giving them a sense of happiness tops the list. Think of those parents who say, “I don’t care what he wants to be when he grows up – just so he’s happy,” (and then of course they freak out
Come On, Get Happy
if the kid says he doesn’t want to go to graduate school). So we do things to make out kids happy, while considering that it’s not everyone’s nature to be cheery. Sometimes, no matter how much we nurture, a child’s basic nature is what it is. But there’s another level to this beyond serious, mellow child vs. happy, high energy child. There is that occasional negativity and grumpiness that rears its head in the best of them, and us. Last week I got an email from Dr. Raymond J. Huntington and Eileen Huntington, co-founders of Huntington Learning Center in Calverton. It was on the subject of “Correcting a Child’s Negative Attitude.” They were writing not about a child’s basic demeanor, but of the occasional negativity – about school, homework, or even about themselves – that creeps up now and then. They focused on what to do when negativity or pessimism “leads to poor grades and problems at school,” and provided tips “to help you get to the source of the problem, turn around your child’s destructive mindset, and help him or her learn to approach school and life with a positive attitude.” Not surprising, the first suggestion is to listen – that the negative attitude may come from the child feeling unheard or misunderstood. They suggest,
“Ask open-ended questions and pay careful attention to answers. Give your child the floor any time he or she opens up.” Next, get to the core. “Look for insecurities, troubles, fears or bad habits that might contribute to your child’s negativity. Is your child afraid of making mistakes for fear of disappointing you?” Huntington also suggests trying to find out if a specific incident caused a change in attitude. The author recommends pointing out your child’s good efforts, writing, “Praise good behavior and practice positive reinforcement whenever possible.” Of course, the parents don’t get let off the hook. Huntington suggests looking at your own attitude and how you handle stress. Do you praise the child’s end result (good grades), but not effort? “Do you ignore concerns or fears? Brush them off with comments such as, ‘Oh, that’s silly?’ Do conversations tend to help or exacerbate his or her anxiety?” Isn’t that a lovely thought? That as parents our efforts to make things better actually make our kids feel worse. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t open the door, ask questions, help the kid express feelings, and most important, during the process, let them know we’re on their side. We have no reason not to be.
Kid’s Calendar THURSDAY, APRIL 8 FOUNDATIONS I & II - 3:30p.m. to 5 p.m. for grades 912, Registration req’d. L’atelier 5 Art Studio, 1391 North Sea Road, Southampton, 631-259-3898. latelier5.wordpress.com BATON TWIRLING – 6p.m. to 6:45p.m. Red Creek Activity Center, 102 Old Riverhead Rd., Hampton Bays, $35, register at 631-728-8585 FRIDAY, APRIL 9 KIDS KNEAD CHALLAH –Challah bread-making, songs, Kiddush juice-making, and grand children’s raffle. 5:30 p.m. Free, no affiliation necessary. Chabad of Southampton, 214 Hill St. 631-287-2249. HAYGROUND REC NIGHT – 6:30p.m. to 8:30p.m. for ages 6-13, Games, Gym, Art, Pizza, 151 Mitchell Lane, Bridgehampton, $20 631-537-7068 haygroundschool.org MONTAUK PLAYHOUSE – Youth program for grades 9 through 12. 7 to 9 p.m., located at 240 Edgemere Street, Mtk. 631-668-1124. montaukplayhouse.org SATURDAY, APRIL 10 CHILDREN’S ART WORKSHOP–for ages 6-12, 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. $20. Golden Eagle, 14 Gingerbread Lane, E. Hampton. For info: 631-324-0603 goldeneagle.com MONTAUK PLAYHOUSE – Skills and drills basketball 10:30 - 11 a.m. for grades K-1; and 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. for grades 2-3. Youth sports night 6 - 7:30 p.m. for grades 3 and 4; and 7:30 - 9 p.m. for grades 5 to 8. 240 Edgemere Street, Montauk 631-668-1124 montaukplayhouse.org MOVIE NIGHT AT THE ROSS SCHOOL –Pizza, popcorn and refreshments served. $25 per child. 18 Goodfriend Drive, East Hampton. 631-329-0050 haygroundschool.org SUNDAY, APRIL 11 STUDENT FILM AWARDS – 5-7p.m., Guild Hall, 158 Main Street, East Hampton Free Admission 631-324-0806 guildhall.org EAST END YOUTH FELLOWSHIP – 6:30p.m. to 8:30p.m. every Sunday at different Sag Harbor locations.
631-725-4155 cbchamptons.com MONDAY, APRIL 12 CHESS FOR BEGINNERS–3:15 p.m. to 4:45 p.m. for children 5 to 9, Ross Lower School, 739 Butter Lane, Bridgehampton. Through June 7. 631-907-5555. ross.org KAMADEVA ‘KIDYASA’ YOGA – “3:45 - 4:45 p.m. for children 6 to 10 at KamaDeva Yoga, 66 Newtown Lane, 2 Floor, East Hampton. $18 drop-in/ $120 for 10 class card 631604-1382 kamadevayoga.com AFTER SCHOOL TODDLER PROGRAMS – Registration required: call 631-283-2118, ext. 30. The Parrish Art Museum, 25 Jobs Lane in Southampton. TUESDAY, APRIL 13 PRESCHOOL YOGA – 1:30p.m. Goat on a Boat Puppet Theatre, East Union St., Sag Harbor 631-725-4193 goatonaboat.org “TUESDAY WITH TEENS”– 4 - 5p.m. Ages 11 and up. Rogers Memorial Library, 91 Coopers Farm Road, Southampton 631-283-0774 myrml.org ART OF LIFE CHILDREN’S CLASSES - 4 to 5 p.m. every Tue./Wed./Thur. Amy’s Ark Studio and Farm, 10 Hollow Lane, Westhampton 631 288-3587 WEDNESDAY, APRIL 14 TUMBLE TOTS – for ages 11/2 -31/2, Quogue Library, 90 Quogue St., Quogue through April 28, 631-653-4224 quoguelibrary.com YOGA – 6-7 p.m. ages 11 and up, Rogers Mem. Library, 91 Cooper Farm Road, Southampton. 631-283-0774 myrml.org ART OF LIFE CLASSES – see April 13 THURSDAY, APRIL 15 PLAY GROUP – 9:30a.m. Goat on a Boat Puppet Theatre, East Union St., Sag Harbor 631-725-4193 goatonaboat.org MATH MYSTERIES WITH MITCH – for children 8 and up, 2 p.m. Hampton Library, 2478 Montauk Hwy, Bridgehampton. Register: 631-537-0015 hamptonlibrary.org
FOUNDATIONS I & II – see April 8 ART OF LIFE CLASSES – see April 13 FRIDAY, APRIL 16 TOT ART – Goat on a Boat Puppet Theatre, East Union St., Sag Harbor 631-725-4193 goatonaboat.org “PIXIE PLAY” 10:30 - 11:30a.m. for ages 1 1/2 to 4 1/2 years and their caregivers, Quogue Library, 90 Quogue Street, Quogue. 631-653-4224, quoguelibrary.org KEYBOARD FOR BEGINNERS - for first and second graders, Ross Lower School, 739 Butter Lane, Bridgehampton through May 21, 631-907-5555 ross.org ONGOING CMEE – Children’s Museum of the East End. Interactive exhibits, arts and science-based programs, workshops, special events. Located at 376 Bridge/Sag Turnpike in Bridgehampton. Admission is $7 for non-members, members free. 631-537-8250 CMEE.org. GOAT ON A BOAT – Puppet shows and programs for young children. Route 114 and East Union St., Sag Harbor. 631-725-4193 goatonaboat.org. SOUTH FORK NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM (SOFO) –10 a.m. to 4 p.m., 7 days a week, year-round. A walk through the museum is like taking a nature hike. Museum provides “field guide” for exhibits, 377 Bridge/Sag Turnpike, Bridgehampton 631-537-9735 sofo.org SOUTHAMPTON YOUTH SERVICES – Daily kids’ programs in sports, dance and more. 631-287-1511.
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