DAN'S PAPERS, February 19, 2010 Page 29 www.danshamptons.com
House/ home
XÜÜ? T ÑtÜxÇà
By Susan Galardi
Someone who’s always the life of the party is a lot of fun, until you need her to be serious. Someone who’s easy going can drive you crazy when you need him to put a stake in the ground. Funny how a person’s assets, pushed too far, seem to morph into shortcomings. Or maybe shortcomings develop as the OTHER person is pushed too far. That certainly comes into play with our children. Our kids do things that annoy us one day, but not the next. Is it them? Is it us? For a moment, let’s go with the idea that it’s them – that, from time to time what we love about our kids becomes the thing that drives us mad. Our son is very focused and definitive – a true Taurus, “all-boy,” a typical only child, a born leader – whatever label works. Most of the time, that trait gives me peace. In this competitive world, I sleep better knowing that he won’t be left behind, that he’ll always make friends, that he knows how to assert and insert himself in any situation. That he’s motivated and won’t give up until he gets what he wants. Most of the time. The other times, as anyone with a headstrong child knows, it can be a bit of a battle. So imagine how intrigued I was when sent a copy of the book, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Raising a Strong-Willed Child,” by Mary-Michael Levitt, Director of the Riverview Counseling Center in Hackettstown, NJ, and Helen Coronato, a freelance writer and former teacher. Ah. Now I will learn how to get him to tow the line at my first gentle prompt.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19 KIDS KNEAD CHALLAH –Challah bread-making, songs, Kiddush juice-making, and grand children’s raffle. Free, no affiliation necessary. 5:30 p.m. Located at Chabad of Southampton, 214 Hill St. Phone: 631-287-2249. MONTAUK PLAYHOUSE – Youth program for grades 9 through 12 at the Montauk Playhouse. 7 to 9 p.m., located at 240 Edgemere Street, Mtk. Phone: 631-668-1124. SONGS AND RHYMES - ‘Books, Babies, Songs and Rhymes.’ 10:30 a.m. at the Shelter Island Public Library. Phone: 631-749-0042, ext. 108. JACK AND THE BEANSTALK - at the Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center. 7 p.m. on Main Street in Westhampton. Phone: 631-288-2350 SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 20 LEARN ABOUT JELLYFISH – 10 a.m., with Heather Abrams, SoFo Nature Educator. Join Heather to find out the answers to jelly fish questions and paint a tentacled, paper maché jellyfish of your own afterwards. Recommended for children 4 years of age and older. There will be a $3 materials fee for this workshop. For more info., call 631-537-9735. KIDS KARAOKE – 5 to 7 p.m., Regulars Music Café. Located at 1271 North Sea Road in Southampton. For more info., call 631-287-2900. ART AT THE GOLDEN EAGLE – Children’s class for kids ages 6 to 11. Located at 14 Gingerbread Lane in East Hampton. For more info., call 631-324-0603. GOAT ON A BOAT – “Gustafer Yellowgold” performance, a cross between Yellow Submarine and Dr. Seuss with original songs. Show at 11 a.m. only. at the Goat on a Boat Theater in Sag Harbor. Call Liz Joyce at 631-725-4193. CONNECTING WITH WORDS– Join poet Penny Meacham Cornelius who will read from her poetry, ‘Native Daughter’ and ‘Reality Trippin: Black Blue and Blessed’ before guiding you to write your own. Time TBA. Hampton Library, Main Street, Bridgehampton. Phone: 631-537-0015. LIL COWPOKES PONY CLUB – Learn about animals and how to ride a pony. Taking place from 10 a.m. to noon for ages 3 and up at Amaryllis Farm Equine Rescue, located at 93 Merchants Path in Southampton. Phone: 631-537-7335. MONTAUK PLAYHOUSE – Skills and drills basketball
Do Unto Others, Or Else
The book is geared to kids at every stage. Like many modern child development books, it’s all about communication techniques right out of couples therapy: acknowledge that you have heard what the other party is saying, mirror back to them what you heard, try to identify with and understand their feelings, then WHAMMY! Tell them what you want. Actually, tell them what it is you need to have them do, in the most respectful way. Not surprisingly, the authors have much empathy for strong-willed children, saying being strong willed is not bad, it’s just more. The general recommendation is empathy before discipline, and I found those reminders to be the most helpful. For example, instead of barking, “Get dressed right now or I’m not taking you to camp,” you might opt for, “I know you really want to go to camp and that you like to be on time. But if we don’t leave in 10 minutes we’ll be late. If you can get yourself dressed right away you might be one of the first ones on the basketball court.” I swear to God this works. There’s something about the phrasing that makes the child feel like you are putting his needs first—and it makes them feel like they’re in control. The book leads you through identifying – and accepting — the type of child you have. “We can help you learn to better parent the child you have, instead
Kid’s Calendar
from 10:30 a.m. to 11 a.m. for children grades K-1; and 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. for children grades 2-3. Youth sports night from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. for grades 3 and 4; and 7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. for grades 5 to 8. Located at 240 Edgemere St. in Montauk. 631-668-1124. SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21 PETTING FARM AT AMARYLLIS SANCTUARY –Love animals? Especially rescued ones? Visit Octaveous and Sir Lancelot, the potbelly piggies; Binky the mini burro, and others! From 1:30 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. at 93 Merchants Path, off Sagg Road in Sagaponack. Entrance fee is $5. For more info., call 631-537-7335. MONDAY, FEBRUARY 22 AFTER SCHOOL TODDLER PROGRAMS –Sponsored by The Parrish Art Museum. Registration required: call 631-283-2118, ext. 30 to register. Located at 25 Jobs Lane in Southampton. ONGOING MUSIC TOGETHER BY THE DUNES – Music/movement program for children ages 1-month to 5 and their caregivers. Taking place on Monday and Tuesday mornings at the Dance Centre of the Hamptons in Westhampton Beach; Thursday mornings at the SH Cultural Center; and Friday mornings at the Southampton Town Recreation Center on Majors Path. 631-764-4180. STORYTIMES HAMPTON LIBRARY– On Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m., stories and music-making for kids ages 4 to 7. Stories, rhymes and songs on Tues., Thurs., and Sat. from 10 a.m., for kids ages 6 months to 3. Registration required. Main Street in Bridgehampton. For more info., call 631-537-0015. JOHN JERMAIN LIBRARY – Thurs. at 10:30 a.m. Main Street in Sag Harbor. Phone: 631-725-0049. ROGERS MEMORIAL LIBRARY – After-school stories on Tues. at 4:30 p.m. for kids grades K through 2. Lap-time on Thurs. at 11:15 a.m. for 18 to 36 month-old-infants. Fri. songs/stories for kids ages 1 month and up at 11:15 a.m.; Mon., Mother Goose program for 1-17-month-olds, 10:30 a.m.
of trying to turn him into the child you think he’s supposed to be,” the intro reads. It defines the top five strongwilled personality traits: passionate, determined, emotional, energetic and observant. (The authors acknowledge that, in extreme, some of these children may veer toward autism/Asberger’s disorders, and advise seeking professional help.) The book also talks about introverts – ironically another strong willed personality type. Those kids find comfort in knowing the plan, so the authors recommend describing what you will be doing on any given outing. Our son, who’s basically up for anything, really likes to know that too. For the extrovert, the book warns against time outs, spankings and yelling, explaining that these children tend to model behavior and use these as coping techniques, which they will likely use in their own interactions. Instead, it suggests giving children concrete, specific suggestions, like, “I’ve set the timer for10 minutes for you to put your toys away,” with the further statement, “for any toy that’s on the floor, I’ll take 25 cents off your allowance.” This surprised me. Like food, money as motivation always felt verboten to me. And if these kids are of the “do unto others” school, I say tread lightly. There may come the time when we we’ll be in their care.
Located at 91 Coopers Farm Rd in Southampton. Phone: 631287-6539. MONTAUK LIBRARY – MOMMY AND ME at 10 a.m., for pre-schoolers and parents/caregivers. Located on Montauk Highway. For more info., 631-324-4947. AMAGANSETT FREE LIBRARY – Saturdays at 10 a.m., located 215 Main Street, Amagansett. Phone: 631-2673810. Please send all event listings for the kids’ calendar to events@danspapers.com by Friday at noon.
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FOR CHILDREN TEENS & HANDICAPPED
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