Dan’s Papers January 7, 2011 danspapers.com Page 21
THE SHELTERED ISLANDER by Sally Flynn
Eruv
(continued from page 18)
long as no laws are broken. But so far, the Towns and Villages have not replied. They know 90% of the community is against this. Now, “Jewish People Opposed to the Eruv” have filed a lawsuit against the two Villages and one Town for keeping silent. They say that the request demands an answer and they know it would be “no.” But no answer, which is what they have now, could be considered tacit approval. So up goes the eruv. Here’s an outrageous suggestion. And it sticks out like an elephant in a room. Have Rabbi Schneier resign his pulpit and take over another pulpit, perhaps the pulpit of his late father, the legendary rabbi who reigned supreme over the Park Avenue Synagogue flock on the Upper East Side of Manhattan for nearly a half century before his passing. Then bring in a new, quiet rabbi for Westhampton Beach, wait two years, and apply for an eruv. There could then be a different result. Other than all that, which will not happen, the matter will make its way through the courts and in a year or two, if the laws are kept true to form about freedom of religion, there will be a decision favoring the Orthodox and the eruv will go up. After that, hopefully, nothing will happen and we will all once again get along fine. Knock wood.
rake thefts, which is the same magnitude as stealing a car off-island (no sense in stealing a car on the Island because the police just call and stop the ferries). The worst crime we’ve had in recent years is that some awful person hung someone’s cat in a basement. Cats and dogs are like people here, just smaller and furrier. All the trucks on Shelter Island seem to come with a Labrador in the passenger seat. And if you can’t afford a dog, you can always rub cooking oil on the windows for that slobber effect and spread carpet fibers on your front seats so that everyone thinks you have a dog. The one thing we do have, that not even Heavenly Bills has, is our own moat. The short ferry ride always transports you back in time; back in time for dinner, back in time before the I.G.A. closes at 6 p.m., and the liquor stores at 7 p.m. Yep, there’s never a dull moment.
LOOKINGG FORR A REALL SALE?
Shelter Island and Beverly Hills I was watching a program recently that mentioned that Beverly Hills (I call it Heavenly Bills) doesn’t have a movie theater or bowling alley— and all this time I thought they were better than us. We don’t have a public movie theater or bowling alley either (there is a two-lane alley at the American Legion Hall). We don’t have garbage or recycle pick-up or mail delivery, or a McDonald’s or any other kind of chain store or franchise. We don’t have any public restrooms except at the ferry and the library if you are willing to pretend you’re looking at books. When it comes to town amenities, Shelter Island tops the less-is-more list. We have a reason to get up every day, or every other day, depending on how often you need to check your mail. We have a reason to leave home every week, depending on how much garbage you can stand at your house. We have a reason to recycle; you are strongly discouraged from throwing out any recyclable items because the town dump is only for “wet garbage.” And our garbage is special, it must leave your home in a translucent yellow town bag—or you have to keep it! If you want to throw out cans and glass in your garbage, you do it early or late so no one can see through your translucent yellow town bag and see that you are guilty of environmental terrorism.
I recall when my kids had the chicken pox (they nearly had to close the school because so many kids were out), I was too tired from taking care of them to separate my garbage and someone caught me with cans in my town bag and proceeded to lecture me. The person was not a local, as evidenced from their out-of-state license plate, so I could have run them over with my van and put them in a translucent yellow town body bag, but I didn’t have the $10.50 for the body bag, so they got lucky that day. We also have a lack of big crime, but this is compensated by a really great variety of smaller and more amusing crimes. About eight years ago, there was a couple who got inebriated and were making love at night, on their front lawn, with cars going by. After I heard that, I switched to halogen headlights so I wouldn’t miss anything exciting in the future. There have been clam-
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