DAN’S PAPERS
Page 16 January 18, 2013
danshamptons.com
“Dan’s memoirs are like Dan’s Newspapers: charming, whimsical, and filled with insightful knowledge of the East End.” — Walter Isaacson, author of Steve Jobs
By David lion rattiner
Into the Wild A man in Southampton allegedly walked onto private property and removed a wildlife camera that had been installed by the landowner—it would seem the suspect did not like the idea of wildlife being photographed on the East End. He was subsequently caught and placed inside a cage. Duck Problems A man in Hampton Bays reported that some quack took a chainsaw and destroyed the duck blind that he uses for hunting. Meanwhile in Southampton, a man reported that his duck blind, worth an estimated $2,500, had been stolen. What the duck is going on?
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The Getaway Car Looked Sharp A man reported that the tire rims from both his Ferrari and Porsche were stolen from the cars while they were parked at his Southampton home. The rims are quite expensive, practically matching the cost of what you’d pay for a new car these days. Well, certain new cars.
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Shelter Island Serenade Old Man McGumbus—103 years old, 1926 American Karate Champion and former World War II Green Beret—was arrested last week on charges of disturbing the peace by playing an extended mash-up of “Musetta’s Waltz” and “Gangnam Style” on the accordion at 3 a.m. while standing outside the home of Biggles Watlington, the current Structures and Business Inspector on Shelter Island. The two men are currently in a legal dispute regarding how many live Bengal tigers McGumbus is allowed to have on his property.
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The New Math A woman who was convicted of stealing $500,000 from a local business she was working for in East Hampton was recently sentenced to 30 days in jail and will be expected to pay $2,000 a month for five years. Steal half a million dollars, go to jail for 30 days, pay $120,000… does the math seem right to you?
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African Parrot A woman in East Quogue reported that her $2,000 African gray parrot had been stolen on New Year’s Eve. The parrot, which was a family pet and is also a rare bird for the East End, was dear to the woman. Happily, one day later, she discovered the parrot happy and healthy back at her home, and she reported that the bird had been returned by the criminals who’d stolen it. Or maybe, and I’m just putting this out there, she forgot to lock the cage and the parrot escaped and roamed around the house for a little bit?
Read more Hamptons Police Blotter and follow the exploits of Old Man McGumbus exclusively at Danshamptons.com.