DAN'S PAPERS, January 16, 2009 Page 22 www.danshamptons.com
Escape
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chi crowd are gone and I didn’t get to meet Spielberg! I looked for him in Georgica — believe me when I tell you the grass really is greener there — but it’s hard to find your way around. Knew I should a’ brought the GPS. Oct. 3: I stayed through September then followed the migration to Palm Springs. I’ll surprise the Beales at Christmas. In the meantime, trying to drop some of this lard! I’ve put on 300 pounds! Dec. 26: Quel Horreur! I went to Grey Gardens yesterday and it was one disappointment after another! The Beale’s don’t live there! They were run out of town. The fancy couple in the house shooed me away! But the worst part is, the Beales, my role models, aren’t cows! “Bouvier” is not another way to spell “bovine.” My life is a lie! Dec. 27: I heard of a place called Elsa’s Ark, but knowing her she only helps dairy cows. Dec. 31: This will be my last entry. I’m goin’ back to the ranch tomorrow because I got no reason to live. (Good thing I left that trail of white paint on the sidewalks so I could retrace my steps.) I am hidin’ this diary in the dunes, in hopes it’ll be made into a feature film when found. Oh what a world! What a world! * * * Editor’s Note: When Amelia returned, the Leavers considered selling the prodigal cow as health food beef (since she was naturally if not overly fed). But as of this writing they are still mulling over the idea of keeping Eatie at the ranch, providing her with a “reprieve,” and perhaps a chance fulfill her lifelong dream of celebrity.
S.O.S.
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the winter. For now, they’re Check the website sending mailings urging (www.wildliferescuecenpeople to donate and visit ter.org), or send a check to their thrift shops in Water Wildlife Rescue Center, 228 Mill and Sagaponack. West Montauk Hwy., Davison said that, Hampton Bays, N.Y. 11946. although 2008 was their Elsa’s Ark, run by Pat best adoption year so far, Lillas of East Hampton, “this was before the last has been rescuing and few months when the spaying/neutering animals economy sagged, and we for almost 20 years. Lillas are hoping it will pick up never turns away a needy in the summer.” animal if she can help it, ARF welcomes donations and she has quite a of dogs or cat food, or menagerie of cats, dogs, fermoney, sent to ARF, P.O. Wilson, one of the pooches available for rets, chickens and rabbits. Box 901, Wainscott, N.Y. adoption at the Animal Rescue Fund Being a small non-profit 11975 (www.arfhamptons.org). organization, Elsa’s needs all the help it can To raise money and awareness, the Wildlife get, so call 631-329-2900, visit “Elsa’s Ark” Center of the Hamptons has started a new Southampton Thrift Shop, or send checks campaign. The group, which rescues and reha- payable to Elsa’s Ark, P.O. Box 2900, East bilitates various types of injured wildlife at Hampton, N.Y. 11937. their Hampton Bays facility, is doing an “adopt an animal” sponsorship campaign for Valentine’s Day. Adults and kids can choose from eight different baby animal species to “adopt,” including a white-tailed fawn, American robin, gray squirrel, Eastern cottontail, Virginia opossum, Canada goose, great horned owlet, and mallard duck. A $30 sponsorship includes an adoption certificate, a letter from the animal, a photo of the animal, a wildlife bracelet, sticker and a one-year membership to the Center. For $50, a stuffed aniWhence the puppies came, a shelter described as mal of the species is included, and for $75, having “the worst conditions.” donors also get a Wildlife Center t-shirt.
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