BOOKREVIEW
Jo Anne Ellis lives in Cassville and is a member of the Crowe’s Cronies book club. She is a retired English teacher and a graduate of the University of Missouri School of Journalism. In addition to being an avid reader, Jo Anne loves to travel and spend time with her grandchildren.
The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance by Elna Baker REVIEWED BY JO ANNE ELLIS “The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance” is the debut memoir of Elna Baker, a writer, actress and stand-up comedian sometimes called the Mormon Tina Fey. Written when she was 27, Elna tells of her own “coming of age as a Mormon in New York” story, starting with her abrupt U-turn in choosing NYU (New York University) and an acting career over BYU (Brigham Young University). Vowing to stay true to her faith and remain a virgin until marriage, Elna sets out to find a Mormon husband. And what better place than at the Halloween party planned by the church to encourage Mormon singles to meet (and marry) each other. Her Queen Bee costume, complete with a stinger, didn’t attract a man. So with a nonexistent dating life and needing a job, Elna uses her acting skills to encourage little girls to “adopt” creepy, expensive dolls at FAO Schwarz. Later, she sees herself in a carnival “thin” mirror, has an “aha” moment and begins the determined quest to lose 80 pounds. A streamlined Elna gains much more attention at the next year’s annual Halloween Dance and elsewhere, and Elna cleverly documents her encounters with drawings and maps outlining where, when and who she meets, and kisses. Her helpful charts start with her first kiss at age 22, and continue as she remains unmarried and a virgin by choice. A newly confident, svelte Elna sets her goal of winning the most eligible and desirable Mormon bachelor in New York. Her primary competition is an Amber who 36 | CONNECTION MAGAZINE
“is like a Heather only she’s attacking your spiritual worthiness and your dress size at the same time.” But Elna gets him -- the perfect Mormon guy -only to have New York friends, who should know, say, “But he’s gay, isn’t he?” While working as a page for the David Letterman Show, Elna meets Matt, a smart, handsome, wonderful guy. She falls hard, but he is not Mormon and never will be. The low blow is finding out Matt is an atheist. The reader feels her pain as Elna struggles between wanting Matt and her faith, even challenging him to search his soul and pray to God for an answer. Her talents lead bold, educated, quirky Elna, the funny one, into stand-up comedy, where she is a tongue-in-cheek critic of her church, and also to Yaddo, an Artists Colony where she first begins writing her soul-searching memoir. And how do Mormons react to this book? One Mormon reader recommended the memoir, stating, “If you are a Mormon, get it and read it. If you are a Mormon worried about the Satanic influences of the world corrupting our youth, get it, read it and have your eyes opened. If you are not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints, just get it, read it and learn a vast amount of the real truth about what real Mormons are like, and how they think.” I recommend this book because it is enchanting, entertaining, and, yes, even educational. It is a “frank and selfdeprecating memoir” about dating unlike any other -- a “tell all” by a witty 27-yearold Mormon who has never had sex. Hopefully, the popularity of her book gets Elna on “The Bachelorette” with 24 Mormons to choose from for a marriage truly made in heaven. OCTOBER 2012