Thanks-Living! An Attitude Of Gratitude Makes all the difference! Wendy M. Reynolds, MS/P Senior Managing Editor, Beauty Come Forth WendyInspires @Wendymreynolds
As we get ready to celebrate Thanksgiving Day, I wonder how often we really take the time to sit and reflect on those things that we are thankful for? How easy is it for us to go through the ups and downs and busyness of the day and forget to acknowledge that which we should be thankful for? Life has not been perfect. Things didn’t always work out the way I planned or wished them to. I didn’t and still don’t get everything I want when I want it. I have had some loses that caused my heart to break. But you know what? I have so much to be thankful for. I have wonderful family and friends in my life. I’m thankful for parents and siblings that I actually get along with (Most of the time- Ha!) and whose company I honestly enjoy. I’m thankful that my parents never took back the house keys . What else am I thankful for? I can breathe. I can see the sunrise as well as see the moon in the night sky. I have the ability to feel and touch. I have a mind that thinks. I can move. I can hear the sound of the abundance of rain. I have clothes. I have a vehicle and I can drive (despite what my brothers say!). I have a comfortable place to lay my head at night. I can speak and communicate. I can own property. I can pick up the phone and call someone at any given time of day. I can enjoy the beauty of music. I have a career. I live in a country where I am not confined to one particular space. I have skills that are useful and needed. I have running water and electricity. I have an education. I can go and open up the fridge and find food to eat. I can worship God. I have salvation through Christ! Oh, I’m thankful! I want to Challenge you to have a Thanksgiving Life! Take time- find time each day to be thankful for what God has done for you, given you and brought you through. My friend Jeaniene created a facebook page called "3 Things for which I am grateful over the last 24 hours". It's wonderful because it challenges me daily to find the good in each day! On those difficult days when it seems like my world is falling apart, I'm committed to looking deep within- past the hurt and find that place of gratitude. It makes a difference. It's like a defibrillator to my heart. I encourage everyone to keep a daily gratitude list so when life challenges come and attempt
to overwhelm you with discouragement or regrets, you’ll have something to look back on and be reminded that God is good and that you have every reason to be thankful. When you have a mindset of thanksgiving- when you keep an attitude of gratitude, you’ll discover that life to be so much more enjoyable. I am thankful for each of you who stop by and share in my thoughts. I’m thankful for the impact and contribution that you make in my life. I’m thankful for those of you who have shared in my laughter, my grief, my happiness and in my struggles. I’m thankful for those of you who encourage me to be better. I’m thankful for those of you who have stretched me and who continue to stretch me beyond what I thought was possible. Thank you for sharing in and believing in my dreams and for being a part of my world!
How to Forgive Someone Who Has Wronged You By Patrick Allan
When somebody wrongs you—either by accident or on purpose—it can be hard to get over it. You may never be able to reconcile with the wrongdoer, but forgiveness is divine and it gives you a chance to be a better person. Here are some ways you can work toward forgiving.
Why Forgiveness Is Essential to Your Well-Being Forgiveness may be the last thing on your mind when someone does something truly awful to you, but it's not just for them—it's essential for your own well being. Initially you'll be hit with a lot of emotion, and that's okay. You don't need to do anything right then and there, but holding on to that emotion for too long becomes a heavy burden to carry through your life. In essence: you forgive for yourself, not just for them. Advertisement
It's not about letting them off easy, either. Forgiving doesn't mean that you're excusing what they did, that there isn't still something to work out, and it especially does not mean that you can't still have feelings about what happened. Forgiveness is about resolution for you, and you alone. Chances are they would like to be forgiven, but make sure you put yourself first in this situation. You were the one wronged, not them. Andrea Brandt, Ph.D. explains at Psychology Today that forgiveness is the capping off of your emotional turmoil: Forgiveness puts the final seal on what happened that hurt you. You will still remember what happened, but you will no longer be bound by it. Having worked through the feelings and learned what you need to do to strengthen your boundaries or get your needs met, you are better able to take care of yourself in the future. Keep in mind, though, that forgiveness is a process. It's not a switch you can flip immediately, and it can require a lot of strength to carry out. Even if you don't have the will to forgive right now, you can still work your way toward it. Sponsored
Take Some Time and Identify How You Feel It may seem like you'll never escape the emotions you feel when you've been wronged, but time heals all wounds. Don't rush the process. Give yourself space from the event and focus on the present. Just because your wound heals doesn't mean you need to forgive your adversary right away. If you want to be angry, scream into your pillow. If you want to be sad, let out some tears. Bottling up your emotions can make the process of forgiveness much more difficult and require a lot more time for you to get to a forgiving place. Once you've had some time to sort through your emotions, you can identify what it is exactly that hurt you so much. Psychologist Anita Sanz at Quora recommends you go as far as naming your pain. Whatever the feeling is you're experiencing, give it a name so you have a target, a mission. Name what hurts so you know exactly what you'll eventually be forgiving. Sanz warns, however, that you shouldn't look for the "whys" while you're sorting out your feelings: Sometimes understanding the "whys" of what happened can be helpful, but sometimes we will never know why someone or something hurt us… And you don't want to make your own recovery contingent upon understanding why the bad thing happened. You may never understand why, but that's okay. You don't have to know why something happened in order to get better. Keep your focus on what hurts and what you'd eventually like to let go of. The best part is you can take as long as you like to forgive someone. You're in control here. So buckle down, scream and shout, and you'll know when you're ready.
Put Yourself In Their Position You may never understand why they did what they did, but it can sometimes help to see things from their eyes. It's important you never blame yourself for anything—or try to find excuses for them—but taking some time to empathize with your wrongdoer for a moment can make it easier to see the reality of the situation. Remember, we're all human and we are nowhere near perfect. Imagine you had done what they have. Remind yourself how much being forgiven would mean to you. Lori Deschene, author and founder of Tiny Buddha, brings up a valuable point to help you empathize a little: ...unless someone is a sociopath, they are rarely without feeling. And if they've hurt another person, even if their ego prevents them from admitting it, odds are they feel remorse on some level. No one is purely bad, and everyone carries their own pain which influences the decisions they make. This doesn't condone their thoughtless, insensitive, or selfish decisions, but it makes them easier to understand. Chances are, you've made a mistake at some point and hurt somebody yourself. In some cases, you would have even done anything to make up for it or be forgiven. It's possible—for some people at least—that hurting someone feels almost as terrible as being hurt. Try your hardest to imagine hurting somebody the way you were just hurt, and think about how great forgiveness would be for both parties. Forgiveness is still for you, not them, but a little empathy might help you get to a forgiving state of mind faster.
Put Your Feelings Down on Paper Some wrongdoings will take longer than others to overcome. It could be months or even years before you're ready to move forward with forgiveness. For the really hurtful things, some deliberate introspection and expression of feelings is necessary, and writing is a great way to do that. Still, you want these thoughts to be directed at who wronged you. Eva Kor, holocaust survivor and forgiveness advocate, suggests in her Quora blog that you simply write them a letter: Take a piece of paper and a pen. In the privacy of your own home or wherever you feel comfortable, start writing a letter. It might take you four months like it did for me. It might take you a week, or even a day. It depends on how quickly you can work through the pain you have been carrying around. No matter what, your letter is not finished until you can write "I forgive you" at the end, and mean every word you say. You don't even have to send your letter to anyone – it is for you. Kor expresses that the feeling of freedom after forgiving is one of the most liberating things you'll ever experience. Put pen to paper and imagine you're saying everything you couldn't say to your wrongdoer. Once you're finished, you may realize you don't need to say it to them at all, and all you needed to do was get it out.
Remember That Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Reconciliation It's important to keep in mind that forgiving someone doesn't mean that everything is hunky dory. Unfortunately, the old phrase of "forgive and forget" isn't really beneficial in real life. You should remember what someone has done to you, even if it means you can no longer be a part of their life. As author and psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky puts it, reconciliation requires mutual respect: Reconciliation requires both parties working together. Forgiveness is something that is entirely up to you. Although reconciliation may follow forgiveness, it is possible to forgive without re-establishing or continuing the relationship. The person you forgive may be deceased or no longer part of your life. You may also choose not to reconcile, perhaps because you have no reason to believe that a relationship with the other person is healthy for you. Chances are, you've lost some of your respect for them, and if you don't want to be around them, that's your call. This is the time to be selfish and decide what's right for you.
Focus on the Present When you're ready to let it all go and move on, keeping your mind on what's going on around you can help. Leo Babauta at Zen Habits suggests that you realize that the past is over and it isn't happening anymore. The only place the past can exist anymore is in your mind. Instead, keep your mind focused on what's going well in your life, the things that make you happy, and the the people you have in your life that have not wronged you. Maybe things are going well at your job, or you just got a new gadget to play around with. Keep yourself excited and positive. You'll inevitably wander back into the past in your mind, but, as Babauta suggests, acknowledge it, and bring yourself back into the present moment. Forgiving another person is one of best things you can do for yourself. It's not always easy, and sometimes it will take a long time, but you'll be glad you did it. Let out whatever emotions you need to, give yourself time to heal, and unload that baggage. You still have a long journey ahead and you don't need that extra weight. Photos by Melinda Varga (Shutterstock), Vic, Georgie Pauwels, Khashayar Elyassi, martinak15, Taston, Jesper Ronn-Jensen. (article previously published in lifehack
10 Best Healing Herbs
Your arsenal of home remedies is about to get a lot spicier with these best healing herbs. Though herbs have been used for hundreds of years to heal, scientists are finally starting to substantiate these plants' abilities to alleviate arthritis pain, reduce high blood sugar and cholesterol, and help with many other conditions. They're even discovering amazing new powers in the best healing herbs, such as the ability to kill cancer cells and help problem drinkers curb their alcohol intake. "Herbs and other natural remedies can be as effective as traditional treatments, often without the same negative side effects," says Roberta Lee, MD, medical director of the Continuum Center for Health and Healing at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City. Here are 10 superhealers you'll want to add to the all-natural section of your medicine cabinet—and even to your favorite recipes. Folding one or two of them into your cooking every day can yield big benefits. Turmeric: Ease arthritis A heaping helping of curry could relieve your pain. That's because turmeric, a spice used in curry, contains curcumin, a powerful anti-inflammatory that works similarly to Cox-2 inhibitors, drugs that reduce the Cox-2 enzyme that causes the pain and swelling of arthritis, says Lee. It might also: Prevent colon cancer and Alzheimer's disease. According to a small clinical trial conducted by the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, curcumin can help shrink precancerous lesions known as colon polyps, when taken with a small amount of quercetin, a powerful antioxidant found in onions, apples, and cabbage. The average number of polyps dropped more than 60% and those that remained shrank by more than 50%. In a 2006 study published in the Journal of Alzheimer's Disease, researchers at UCLA also found that curcumin helps clear the brain of the plaques that are characteristic of the disease. Maximize the benefits: For general health, Lee recommends adding the spice to your cooking whenever possible. For a therapeutic dose, James A. Duke, PhD, author of The Green Pharmacy, suggests 400 mg of curcumin extract three times daily, right in line with what subjects in the colon polyp study took (480 mg of curcumin and 20 mg of quercetin, three times a day). Cinnamon: Lower blood sugar In a recent German study of type 2 diabetics, taking cinnamon extract daily successfully reduced blood sugar by about 10%.
It might also: Lower cholesterol. Cinnamon packs a one-two punch for people with type 2 diabetes by reducing related heart risks. In another study of diabetics, it slashed cholesterol by 13% and triglycerides by 23%. Maximize the benefits: To tame blood sugar, study subjects took 1 g capsules of standardized cinnamon extract daily, while those in the cholesterol study took 1 to 6 g. But keep in mind that a large amount of the actual spice can be dangerous, so stick with a water-soluble extract. Terry Graedon, PhD, coauthor with her husband, Joe, of Best Choices from the People's Pharmacy, recommends the brand Cinnulin PF. Rosemary: Avoid carcinogens Frying, broiling, or grilling meats at high temperatures creates HCAs (heterocyclic amines), potent carcinogens implicated in several cancers. But HCA levels are significantly reduced when rosemary extract (a common powder) is mixed into beef before cooking, say Kansas State University researchers. "Rosemary contains carnosol and rosemarinic acid, two powerful antioxidants that destroy the HCAs," explains lead researcher J. Scott Smith, PhD. It might also: Stop tumors. Rosemary extract helps prevent carcinogens that enter the body from binding with DNA, the first step in tumor formation, according to several animal studies. When researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign fed rosemary extract to rats exposed to dimethylbenzanthracene, a carcinogen that causes breast cancer, both DNA damage and tumors decreased. "Human research needs to be done," says study author Keith W. Singletary, PhD. "But rosemary has shown a lot of cancer-protective potential." Maximize the benefits: To reduce HCAs, Smith recommends marinating foods in any supermarket spice mix that contains rosemary as well as one or more of the spices thyme, oregano, basil, garlic, onion, or parsley. Ginger: Avert nausea Ginger can prevent stomach upset from many sources, including pregnancy, motion sickness, and chemotherapy. "This is one of Mom's remedies that really works," says Suzanna M. Zick, ND, MPH, a research investigator at the University of Michigan. A powerful antioxidant, ginger works by blocking the effects of serotonin, a chemical produced by both the brain and stomach when you're nauseated, and by stopping the production of free radicals, another cause of upset in your stomach. In one study of cruise ship passengers traveling on rough seas, 500 mg of ginger every 4 hours was as effective as Dramamine, the commonly used OTC motion-sickness medication. In another study, where subjects took 940 mg, it was even more effective than the drug. It might also: Decrease your blood pressure, arthritis pain, and cancer risk. Ginger helps regulate blood flow, which may lower blood pressure, says Zick, and its anti-inflammatory properties might help ease arthritis. Ginger extract had a significant effect on reducing pain in all 124 patients with osteoarthritis of the knee, in a study conducted at the Miami Veterans Affairs Medical Center and the University of Miami. Those same antiinflammatory powers help powdered ginger kill ovarian cancer cells as well as—or better than—traditional chemotherapy, at least in the test tube, found a study by the University of Michigan Comprehensive Cancer Center. Although further testing is needed, Zick and the study's authors are excited about its prospects: "Our preliminary results indicate that ginger may have significant therapeutic benefit for ovarian cancer patients." Maximize the benefits: For nausea, ginger is best taken before symptoms start, at least 30 minutes before departure, say the Graedons. They recommend capsules containing 500 to 1,000 mg of dried ginger every four hours, up to a maximum of 4g daily. Holy Basil: Combat stress Several animal studies back holy basil, a special variety of the plant you use in your pesto sauce, as effective at reducing stress by increasing adrenaline and noradrenaline and decreasing serotonin. This is no surprise to
Pratima Nangia-Makker, PhD, a researcher at the Barbara Ann Karmanos Cancer Institute in Detroit, whose mother and grandmother relied on a tea made from the leaves of holy basil to relieve indigestion and headaches. It might also: Inhibit breast cancer. First in test tubes and then in mice, a tea made of holy basil shrunk tumors, reduced their blood supply, and stopped their spread, found Nangia-Makker, who plans to study the effects in humans. Maximize the benefits: For stress relief, try holy basil extract from New Chapter or Om Organics, widely available in health food stores. To aid in breast cancer treatment, Nangia-Makker advises drinking this tea daily: Pour 2 cups boiling water over 10 to 15 fresh holy basil leaves (other varieties of basil won't work) and steep 5 minutes. Remove the leaves before consuming. If you are being treated for breast cancer, be sure to check with your doctor. You're unlikely to find the plants at your local nursery, but you can order them and organic holy basil seeds from Horizon Herbs. St. John's Wort: Soothe your worries You probably know that research has confirmed this herb's power to relieve mild to moderate depression and anxiety as effectively as many drugs—without a lot of the side effects. It might also: Help you snooze more soundly. St. John's wort not only contains melatonin, the hormone that regulates our sleep-wake cycles, but it also increases the body's own melatonin, improving sleep, says a report from the Surgeon General. (These 20 ways to sleep better every night can also help.) Maximize the benefits: For both mood and sleep problems, author Duke recommends a supplement containing at least 0.3% hypericin (the active phytochemical) per capsule or 300 mg of the extract to be taken three times daily. Warning: St. John's wort has been shown to interact with several prescription medications, so be sure to check with your doctor before taking it. Garlic: Lower cancer risk High consumption of garlic lowered rates of ovarian, colorectal, and other cancers, says a research review in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. A Japanese clinical trial also found that after a year of taking aged garlic extract supplements, people with a history of colon polyps saw a reduction in the size and number of the precancerous growths detected by their doctors. It might also: Provide cardiovascular benefits. Garlic contains more than 70 active phytochemicals, including allicin, which many studies have shown decreases high blood pressure by as much as 30 points. Garlic may help prevent strokes as well by slowing arterial blockages, according to a yearlong clinical study at UCLA. In addition, patients' levels of homocysteine, a chemical that leads to plaque buildup, dropped by 12%. Maximize the benefits: Crushed fresh garlic offers the best cardiovascular and cancer-fighting benefits, says Duke. But you'll need to down up to five cloves each day. Try Kyolic aged garlic extract capsules (1,000 mg), the product used in many of the studies. 3 More Superhealers You Should Know About 1. Andrographis: Shorten Summer Colds Andrographis does a great job of relieving upper-respiratory infections, such as colds or sinusitis, says new research. A study in the journal Phytomedicine reported that the herb eased symptoms such as fatigue, sleeplessness, sore throat, and runny nose up to 90%. Maximize the benefits: Lee and the Graedons recommend Kan Jang (available at ProActive BioProducts), an herbal extract produced by the Swedish Herbal Institute and used in several of the trials. 2. Sea Buckthorn: Reverse vaginal dryness Sea buckthorn (Hippophae rhamnoides) is very effective for hydrating mucous membranes and alleviating vaginal dryness. It contains palmitoleic acid, a fatty acid found in human skin that helps moisturize and heal it.
Maximize the benefits: Lee suggests up to four capsules a day of Supercritical Omega 7, a sea buckthorn supplement by New Chapter. It's available at health food stores. 3. Kudzu: Curb problem drinking A group of moderately heavy drinkers in their 20s voluntarily cut their beer consumption in half after taking capsules containing the Chinese herb (also called Pueraria lobata) for a week, according to a study published in Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research. Researchers say the kudzu more quickly allows alcohol to get to the part of the brain that tells you that you've had enough. Maximize the benefits: Participants took capsules with 500 mg of kudzu extract three times daily.
3 Rules For The Safest Self-Healing Natural substances often work like drugs in the body, say Joe and Terry Graedon. They suggest following these precautions. Rule: Don't assume it's safe. Herbs are not regulated by the FDA for safety or efficacy. So search the label for a seal of approval from the USP (United States Pharmacopeia) or CL (Consumer-Lab.com), which indicates it has been approved by certified academic laboratories. For a fee, you can research particular products at ConsumerLab.com. Rule: Talk with your doctor. It's best to tell him if you're considering supplements. Some herbs can interact with certain meds, including those for high blood pressure, diabetes, and depression, as well as blood thinners and even OTC drugs. Rule: Don't overdo it. More isn't necessarily better—and could be dangerous. Always follow dosing instructions. (Previously published on prevention.com)
7 Reasons Not To Give Up on Your Dreams By Amanda Dewitt
Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? Maybe a fireman? A baker? A ballerina? Whether or not you still hold those childhood dreams of twirling about in a pink tutu or rushing off to extinguish a house fire, you probably have some sort of idea what you ultimately want to do with your life. BUT are you actually doing it? Are you working towards it? Or have you given up all hope on your dreams with the burdens of daily life pulling you down? Pursuing your dreams comes along with many benefits! Here are some reasons why you should not give up on your dreams: 1. Failure. This word seems counter-intuitive in reasons not to give up your dreams, but failure is more beneficial than you might think. Most people don’t pursue their dreams for fear of failure. Little do they know, this is one of the biggest ways we learn and grow! Many famous and successful Americans had to fail over and over again to achieve what they hoped to in life. Abraham Lincoln failed at war, as a businessman, as a lawyer and even at politics at first. He pushed on through and became president of the United States. Thomas Edison’s teachers called him “stupid” and he was fired multiple times before “failing” 1000 times attempting to invent the lightbulb. Michael Jordan was once cut from his high school basketball team. He later said, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot … and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. That is
why I succeed.” If we can learn anything from these successful men, it would be to never give up on our dreams simply because of fear of failure. 2. Persistence. With that failure comes persistence. Persistence is something that can only be learned through hardships. If you never fall down, you can’t learn how to get back up. Each time we pick ourselves back up and forge through, we get a little bit stronger and more capable of achieving our ultimate goals. 3. It’s better to try and fail than to wonder what might have been. Have you ever regretted trying something in your life? Perhaps it was trying out for the school play. Or asking that special someone out on a date. That feeling of wondering what could have been might still eat at you even years down the road. How do you avoid that feeling of regret? By trying. You don’t have to do something huge, but sitting down and making a plan with small steps on how you will achieve your dreams will start you off in the right direction. Little by little you will forge a path towards your goals. 4. Successes along the way. If your dreams are big enough, you will have stepping stones of success along the way. Small achievements that can be celebrated and reviled in. These small victories can help push you through to the next goal and soon enough, your dreams will be realized. 5. The pursuit. Many valuable experiences are found in the pursuit. There is a reason the pursuit of happiness is in the constitution. Memories, friendships, skills, life lessons, love. Basically, life is what happens when we make our way towards a goal. Applying for that college which seems out of reach, we might meet our soulmate. In seeking for that promotion, we might meet a best friend or mentor. Signing up for that team, we might get to travel the world. In order to value the pursuit, we need to follow our dreams! 6. Success is often just around the corner. If only you knew how close you were! If only you knew what an impact would be for one more phone call, one more interview, and just one more late night working on your passions. Often we give up far too soon. We can’t see what the future holds for us, but we sure can keep striving towards our dreams. 7. Setting an example. Finally, if you have children (or might have them some day), you will be setting a good example. Do we want our children to tell stories about how comfortable we were sitting on our couch watching sitcoms, or do we want to be remembered for the passion we had for life? Hopefully we can show the future generations what it means to chase after our dreams. Most importantly, in the words of Winston Churchill, “Never Never Never give up.” (this article was previously published on lifehack)
Giving Thanks: The Benefits of Gratitude By Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D.
Why gratitude is good for your mental health We all like being thanked. It's a great feeling to have someone, especially someone who doesn't stand to gain, tell us that we made a difference in their lives. In the past few weeks, I've had the good fortune of receiving some heartfelt thank you notes from students, pausing as they got ready to leave campus for the summer, or perhaps for good, to take a moment and let me know that something I said or did proved helpful to them. I've also had the good fortune of having favors done for me by people who went out of their way to help me solve a problem, fix something, or in fortunately only one case- return a lost cellphone. Being thanked and having reason to thank others are two sides of the same gratefulness coin. Both exemplify the positive in human behavior and provide us with a positive charge that boosts our emotional balance. On the surface it seems like gratitude has everything to recommend it. There are a few gratitude traps, though. Some people feel uncomfortable about being thanked. They get truly embarrassed, dismissing the thanker by insisting that "it was nothing" (though clearly the thanker felt otherwise). There are also some uncomfortable aspects about thank-yous when it comes to thank-you presents that are overly generous or could be interpreted as bribes.
If you're at the receiving end of a thank-you, you may feel unsure about how to reciprocate. Does a thank-you present require a thank-you note? What about thanking someone who's helped you? Do you reward a person who returns a lost item with cash or just allow your relieved face to serve as its own reward? Then there's the guilt factor: What if you let a few weeks slip by without sending a thankyou note for a birthday gift? Does it look worse to send a belated thank-you note or just to forget the whole thing and hope the gift-giver won't notice? Thank-you notes inspire their own particular forms of angst, as was pointed out in one particularly insightful Social Q's column of the New York Times (link is external) (for the record: this column is a treasure trove of psychological insight on quirky behaviors). It might be reassuring, then, to learn that the expression of thanks can be its own reward. Being the recipient of a favor can also make the favor-giver (if there is such a word) feel good too. Everyone benefits when thanks are freely given and just as freely acknowledged. There are always exceptional circumstances involving acts of extreme altruism. Heroes are known as the people who put the needs of others above our own. These cases put in bold relief the fact that a hero doesn't expect thank-you notes or little gift baskets as acknowledgement of his or her sacrifice. Many real-life heroes also do not expect thank-yous. Yet, when we benefit from the labors that others put out for our sake, we feel internally driven to and want to express our gratitude. And that's a good thing, in more ways than one. Psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough point out that gratitude is the "forgotten factor" (link is external) in happiness research. They point out the benefits of expressing gratitude as ranging from better physical health to improved mental alertness. People who express gratitude also are more likely to offer emotional support to others. Expressing gratitude in your daily life might even have a protective effect on staving off certain forms of psychological disorders. In a review article published this past March (see below), researchers found that habitually focusing on and appreciating the positive aspects of life is related to a generally higher level of psychological well-being and a lower risk of certain forms of psychopathology. Now how can you apply these ideas to your own life? Here are some suggestions to boost your own, shall we say, GQ's ("gratitude quotient"): 1. If someone thanks you, accept the thanks graciously. Let the person know you appreciate being thanked. That's all you need to do. Really.
2. If you find that difficult, think about why gratitude makes you uncomfortable. Do you not feel worthy of being thanked? In my study of personal fulfillment in midlife (link is external), I identified a subgroup of people whose own fulfillment was hampered by their lack of faith in their own worth. Chronic feelings of inadequacy can make it difficult for people to benefit from any thanks that come their way. 3. Look for small things to be grateful for. Not all acts of kindness have a capital "K." A driver who lets you ease into a busy highway deserves a wave just as much as someone who holds open a door when you're loaded down with packages. A smile will boost your GQ and make both of you feel better. 4. Don't fret about gratitude infractions. If you forget to send a thank you note don't worry about it and certainly don't use elapsed time as an excuse to avoid the task altogether. Send a quick email and then get to the real thing. If you're a chronic forgetter, though, you might try to figure out why. By the same token, if someone forgets to thank you, don't ruminate over it, thereby raising your BP if not your GQ. 5. Keep your thank you's short, sweet, and easy to write. One reason people procrastinate about writing thank you's is that they want them to be original and not seem hasty, insincere, or ill conceived. This doesn't mean the thank you should be one that is short enough to tweet but if you don't build it up in your mind as having to be a magnum opus you'll be less inclined to put it off. Whatever you do, don't make excuses or lie about having sent a thank you that you never did (for more on lying and excuse-making, check out my previous post). I'll close by saying thanks in advance to anyone who chooses to add their comments to the discussion or wishes to forward the blog link. It's the least I can do! Copyright Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. 2010 (originally posted on Psychologytoday.com)
The Neglected Art of Receiving What It Takes to Let in Love By John Amodeo, Ph.D., MFT
We’re taught that giving is superior to receiving. Indeed, the art of giving is a helpful corrective to human narcissism. Seeing what others need to be happy requires empathy and kindness. But receiving is an equally noble endeavor. We may strive to love, but to what extent to we allow ourselves to be loved? When someone extends their attention and caring toward us, how deeply do we let it in? Can we allow ourselves to be nourished by another’s kindness? Receiving deeply provides needed nutrients for our soul, while also honoring the giver--making them feel that they've made a difference in our life. Being mindful of the following might deepen your capacity to receive, thereby bringing greater fulfillment to your life:
Get Out of Your Head and Be Relaxed in Your Body When someone does us a favor or compliments us, we might feel awkward or shy, or not know how to respond. We might think we’re required to reciprocate. We might wonder: Must I now do them a favor or compliment them? Are they expecting something in return? Do I really deserve this kindness?
Such thoughts keep us imprisoned in our head. Negative self-talk keeps us depressed, disconnected, and unhappy. The next time someone gives something to you, see if you can take a deep breath and let it be. Relax! Don’t trouble yourself by trying to figure it all out. Don’t over think it. Just let it in! The trick is to get out of your head and stay in your body. How do you feel in your stomach and chest to be gifted with such kindness? If thoughts are swirling, simply notice them and set them aside. Don’t Question Whether You Deserve It Sometimes we don’t absorb good stuff because we think we don’t deserve it. We might think, “If they really knew me, they wouldn’t say this.” Or, “I haven’t done much for them, so I don't deserve this favor!” It’s easy to drive ourselves nuts with endless considerations. Lost in the folds of our thought process, the beauty of the gift slips out of our hands. And the giver might notice our distraction and not feel appreciated for what they’ve done for us. We can drive ourselves crazy pondering whether we deserve something. Who’s to say whether we do or don’t? Does it really matter? It’s unlikely that the giver has evaluated whether we deserved it, so why should we? Perhaps it was a spontaneous act of kindness that felt good to the giver. Questioning it diminishes the power of the offering. An important part of self-worth is to validate that it’s OK to receive things. Being human means having needs and wants, which includes being valued and appreciated. No doubt, we have ample flaws and limitations, but when we're given a gift is not the time to ponder our flaws. Actually, one of our flaws may be that we complain that nobody cares about us despite evidence to the contrary. We’re not skilled at the art of receiving good stuff when it comes our way. When someone gives you something, it's a good time to let your mind be quiet and just focus on receiving.
Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable We’re firmly in control when we give, but not when we receive. Being the recipient of a kind word or deed can trigger a sense of vulnerability. Receiving requires the strength to be vulnerable. When a tender moment arises during a conversation — perhaps a look of compassion as we talk about a parent’s illness — can we let in their tender caring? Or do we quickly look away due to shame or embarrassment? How often do we voice our struggles, hoping to find a kind and receptive ear, and then when someone offers a kindhearted response, we keep talking over it? Allowing ourselves to slow down and welcome a tender vulnerability can be very connecting — a salve for our isolation. Taking a moment to pause or show a tear can be a gift to the listener. It can
signal in ways that are deeper than words that their caring has touched our heart and helped us take a small step toward healing. Look for opportunities to let in love and kindness when it comes your way. It might be as simple as someone holding open a door for you, or a genuine interest in hearing about something that’s troubling you, or a warm hug. As you practice being a sponge, you may allow more joy into your life. And as your emotional tank gets filled, you’ll have more to offer others. Please consider liking John Amodeo Facebook page and click on “get notifications”(under "Likes"). You might enjoy his latest book, Dancing with Fire John Amodeo, Ph.D., MFT, is author of the award-winning book about relationships as a spiritual path, Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships (link is external). His other books include The Authentic Heart (link is external) and Love & Betrayal (link is external). He has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 35 years in the San Francisco Bay area and has conducted workshops internationally. www.johnamodeo.com (link is external)
Next Month from BEAUTY COME FORTH Online Magazine
RULE OF 72 Know the Money Game “The odds are slim for a person to win at a game when you don’t fully understand or know the rules. I felt it necessary to share this brief article on a simple but impactful financial tool. I was in my early 50’s when I first heard of the 'Rule of 72', and I’d be very surprised if a fraction of the people I know, have heard of or understand this mathematical concept, yet if applied to our everyday financial aspects of life, we all could all find ourselves better managers of our money.” –Myra Wallace The Rule of 72 is a simplified way to determine how long an investment will take to double, given a fixed annual rate of interest. By dividing 72 by the annual rate of return, investors can get a rough estimate of how many years it will take for the initial investment to duplicate itself. For example, the rule of 72 states that $1 invested at 10% would take 7.2 years ((72/10) = 7.2) to turn into $2. In reality, a 10% investment will take 7.3 years to double ((1.10^7.3 = 2). When dealing with low rates of return, the Rule of 72 is fairly accurate. This chart compares the numbers given by the rule of 72 and the actual number of years it takes an investment to double. Rate of Return Rule of 72 Actual # of Years Difference (#) of Years 2% 36.0 35 1.0 3% 24.0 23.45 0.6 5% 14.4 14.21 0.2 7% 10.3 10.24 0.0 9% 8.0 8.04 0.0 12% 6.0 6.12 0.1 25% 2.9 3.11 0.2 50% 1.4 1.71 0.3 72% 1.0 1.28 0.3 100% 0.7 1 0.3 For example, if you want to know how long it will take to double your money at 12% interest, divide 12 into 72 and you get six years. (previously published on investopedia.com)
Travel to Brazil Famous for being home to one of the world’s top football teams, the Rio de Janeiro Carnival and the remarkable Iguazu Falls, Brazil is an exciting world travel destination. As South America’s largest country, Brazil covers a majority of the continent’s northeastern region and borders all of its countries except for Chile and Ecuador. From the Amazon rainforest in the North to the tropical beaches along the Atlantic, to the Pantanal wetlands and the vibrant metropolises of the Southeast there are plenty of interesting places to visit in Brazil.
Sao Paulo flickr/Alicia Nijdam
Not only is Sao Paulo the largest city in Brazil, but it is also one of the largest in the world according to population. Located in southeastern Brazil, Sao Paulo is known for its skyscrapers, gastronomy and robust culture scene. It is home to many ethnic groups from all over the globe including the largest Japanese community outside of Japan. Although Sao Paulo is known for its concrete jungle, it is also contains a large number of public parks and even portions of the Atlantic rainforest.
Brasilia wikipedia/ Agencia Brasil
Located in the Brazilian Highlands, Brasilia was installed in 1960 as Brazil’s capital. Brazil’s former President Juscelino Kubitschek ordered the city to be planned and developed into what some refer to as a utopia. Brasilia’s modern day infrastructure is designed in the shape of an airplane in which each of its sections serve as different districts such as government, commercial, residential and cultural. The city’s new and creative designed buildings attracts many architecture aficionados. Most significant is the Three Powers Square, which houses the Presidential Palace, the Congress and the Supreme Court. Other important buildings include the Brasilia Cathedral with its glass roof that resembles hands reaching up to heaven.
Fortaleza photo/Juliao Matos
Nice beaches, dynamic shopping and lively culture all make Fortaleza one of Brazil’s popular places to visit. The capital of the Ceará state on the country’s northeastern coast, Fortaleza is Brazil’s fifth largest city. The most popular beach is Praia do Futuro, but other favorites are Iracema, Mucuripe and Meireles. Not only are the beaches great for swimming, sunbathing and surfing, but they also offer hotels and restaurants. Fortaleza also serves as the jumping-off point for many visitors to truly spectacular beaches, rolling dunes and idyllic fishing villages up and down the Ceará coast.
Recife flickr/guilherme jofili
Nicknamed the “Venice of Brazil” because of its numerous waterways and bridges, Recife is the capital of the Pernambuco state and one of the largest and most important cities on Brazil’s northeastern coast. Situated amid tropical forests with many islands and rivers, Recife is a popular tourist destination because of its historic old town, beaches and vibrant culture. Recife was a Dutch colony during the 17th century, and nowhere is this more evident than the historic district where many colonial buildings still remain. The beaches here are considered some of the best in Brazil. Lined with hotels, restaurants and bars, Boa Viagem is the most popular beach with its pristine white sands, clear water and coral reef.
Olinda flickr/Prefeitura de Olinda
One of Brazil’s best-preserved colonial cities, Olinda is located on Atlantic Coast in the northeastern state of Pernambuco. Perched on a picturesque hilltop surrounded by trees, Olinda’s historic downtown is a treasure trove of colonial churches, colorful old houses, restaurants, museums and numerous artisan studios. Every year, Olinda hosts its lively Carnival celebration that differs somewhat from those of Rio de Janeiro and Salvador in that Olinda’s festival is best attended at daytime and features the music, dances and traditions of African culture.
Manaus flickr/CIAT
The capital of the Amazonas state in northwestern Brazil, Manaus is an important tourist destination because it serves as a gateway to the Amazon rainforest. As a result of the region’s flourishing rubber industry during the early 20th century, Manaus today is one of Brazil’s largest cities, featuring distinguished landmarks like the Amazonas Opera House, and the Rio Negro Palace. Another significant sight is the Meeting of the Waters, which is a natural phenomenon where the two rivers of Negro and Solimões run side by side for more than three miles without fully mixing.
Salvador flickr/Fotos GOVBA
A historic Old City, beautiful beaches, lively culture and one of the world’s biggest Carnival celebrations all fashion Salvador into one of the best places to visit in Brazil. One of the oldest cities in the Americas, Salvador is Brazil’s third largest city and the capital of the Bahia state. Situated on the coast of the Bay of All Saints, Salvador offers fantastic beaches that are ideal for sunbathing, swimming and surfing. Some of the most popular include Porto de Barra, Flamengo and Stella Maris.
Foz do Iguacu flickr/markg6
One of the world’s most stunning natural wonders, Iguazu Falls is a series of magnificent waterfalls located on the Iguazu River, straddling the border between Brazil and Argentina. The falls in and of themselves are a breathtaking spectacle, but their beauty is all the more enhanced by the surrounding lush forest teeming in exotic wildlife. The gateway to the falls on the Brazilian side is Foz do Iguaçu, a big and reasonably safe city by Brazilian standards.
Rio de Janeiro flickr/markg6
There is no destination on earth more animated and exciting than Rio de Janeiro. Located in southeastern Brazil, Rio de Janeiro is the most visited city of South America due to its famous mountains, landmarks, beaches and Carnival festival. Rio de Janeiro is situated on one of the world’s largest harbors surrounded by natural attractions that include the Sugarloaf and Corcovado mountains and famous beaches like Copacabana and Ipanema. The city’s iconic landmark is the enormous Christ the Redeemer statue sitting atop Corcovado mountain. Carnival celebrations here are among the largest in the world, with vibrant parades, costumes, dancing, music, fireworks and street parties. (Resource: US News & Travel)
DARE TO WEAR THIS HAIR Natural Hair Inspiration by Hair blogger Mary A woman is often associated with a cat, panther, tigress or a fallow deer for her grace, refinement, plasticity and fluidity of movements. I’m convinced there’s also something from a chameleon in female nature. It’s amazing how a woman can reincarnate her life, introducing changes into her image. Luckily, we have a collection of indispensable tools at our disposal – a variety of hairstyles, make-up solutions and fashion clothing, which are just details of a magic construction set, allowing us to assemble new genuine breathtaking looks. Hey, it’s not just clobber, do’s, fro’s trims, etc. There are thousands of examples of ladies out there, who have made themselves look drastically different with a new haircut. This change involved a switch to a new style, reflected in a myriad of new fresh trendy looks, and the life itself has changed miraculously! A new job, career growth, cool boyfriend, a marriage proposal? Yes! I’m sure you know the girls I’m talking about. Unknown people make first impression of us within the first 30 seconds of the encounter. And you know better than me: “You will never have a second chance to make the first impression”. Certainly, your life success is not just about looks, but that part does also count, and more than many people can think nowadays. Understanding that, I have been actively collecting new inspiring tendencies and ideas in hairstyles to share with you in a blog format. Here you will find the best vivid examples of vintage, classic and ultra-chic hairstyles for all hair types of varied lengths, as well as recommendations on haircut choice according to your face shape (oval, round, square, oblong, heart, diamond), tips on how to do certain hairstyles yourself, and styles to suit any occasion from casual to party and prom. Get ready! I will always have something exclusive for you:)
Hairstyles and Haircuts for Natural Hair If you still don’t realize how fun and enjoyable your black curls are, with our natural hairstyles you will surely fall in love with your kinky coils. Creative natural curly hairstyles are effortless and expressive enough to bring out the unique texture of your hair, and protective hairstyles for natural hair make a stake on keeping your curls healthy, while being styled inventively. Even natural hairstyles for short hair are going to surprise you with their ingenuity and novelty. Look through natural braided hairstyles and Natural hair Mohawk ideas to select the hairstyle that are going to be 100% About You!
Curly Hair Updo Updos for natural hair can seem like a dream come true when the temperature is climbing and heat styling becomes the dreaded moment of every day. Most of us have been anxiously awaiting summer weather all year long, but humidity or aggressive sun can impair both your hairstyle and your hair health. What’s a girl to do? Put away the heat tools and save some time in the morning by trying one of these simple updos on your natural hair.
Funky Mohawk African American women often encounter many surprises and troubles with their natural hair. It’s either difficult to style or lacks length for versatile impressive hairstyles you can see there on Internet. The other problem is when your hair is getting extremely dry and brittle due to experiments with styling products and styling procedures. Sometimes the only way out in such cases is to have a short haircut and wait for the new healthy growth. Meanwhile the other puzzle that emerges is how to style your short natural hair so that it looks decent. Don’t worry, there are many fantastic stylish hairstyles for your short hair. Here we have collected 70 pictures of the classiest ones.
Cute Teeny, Weeny Afro Black hair is a challenge in care and styling, but if you choose the right haircut and convenient hairstyle that is also cute and stylish, you will be able to create breathtaking looks with your kinky coils. Don’t be in a hurry to get them relaxed. There are very cute hairstyles for short, medium and long natural hair we are ready to present to your attention. Here are also the latest wavy updos, twists and braids. Take a minute to have a look!
Chunky Flat Twist
Bun
Are you bored to wear your hair curly, wavy, unbraided? Well, then it’s time for twists! Twist hairstyles are an alternative to braids for natural African curls. Twists have one evident merit, compared to braids – they are faster and easier to make, which is crucial for beginners. Other than that twist hairstyles provide the same benefits: protection of natural hair, length retention and a great base for versatile hairstyles. Twists differ in caliber and type (hanging loosely twists and flat twists plaited close to the scalp like cornrows) There are also Senegalese twists, Havana twists, Marley twists, kinky twists. Which size and type of twists to choose? How to style your twists? Having looked through our gallery, you will get your bearings in regards to this topic.
Eccentric Two Peaks Updo Many black celebrities rock relaxed black locks these days, because relaxed hair looks breathtaking in any simple or sophisticated hairstyle. However, the exposure to aggressive chemicals is very harmful for your locks, while natural black hairstyles can be as exquisite and showy as hairstyles for relaxed hair. Naturalness is the main hair trend in 2015, so why not to use the unique texture and fabulous volume of natural hair to your advantage? Here are ideas of the best stylish haircuts and hairstyles for kinky coils. Read on! [click to continue…]
Springy Curls Natural curly hair can’t be left uncontrolled and unstyled, because it looks awkward and causes many problems. Trying to avoid them, some coily girls resort to box braids or braided hairstyles. But there are always those who prefer to show off their natural texture in beautiful curly hairstyles for natural hair. I have picked up the most popular ones for varied lengths. Here they are. (articles previously published by Therighthairstyles.com by writer/blogger Mary)
Beauty Come Forth Webzine--- the New Beauty Paradigm….
VISION This BCF Online Magazine is a monthly magazine featuring articles that address the lifestyle of women in transition to greatness.
MISSION The mission of BCF Online magazine is to Inspire, Motivate and Transform women’s Beauty through; fashion, finance, fitness, food, health, environment, entertainment, relationship, charity and spirituality.
PURPOSE To “Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in”
BCF COPYRIGHT 2015