top left: ASSOCIATED PRESS; right; Theo Anderson
Moving beyond hatred to love your enemies forgiven,” says Brian Neely, director of campus ministry at Alvernia and an adjunct lecturer in theology. “In doing so, he set an intentional example for all of us to follow.” The concept of forgiveness is mentioned over 100 times in the Bible, and Matthew 18:2122 gives us the principle as Jesus told it to the apostle Peter: “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but 77 times.’” At Alvernia, where Franciscan roots run deep, forgiveness is imbedded in the heart of the university’s mission. Often, it involves grappling with social justice issues and finding a peaceful response grounded in empathy — an essential component of forgiveness — rather than anger. Class discussions, guest speakers and alternative break trips encourage and nurture the value in students. It is a quality that the university’s patron saint Francis himself highly valued. During the Crusades, Francis of Assisi walked across the battle lines to speak with the Sultan — setting the stage for how Franciscans approach conflict, says Neely. Instead of villainizing and saying the other is the enemy, St. Francis is looking eye-toeye and talking and reconciling. “I think it’s the hardest part of the Gospel,” Neely continues. “I think our natural tendency is to seek revenge.” In fact, there is no shortage of families and individuals who are consumed by anger, even rage, when death or serious injury of a loved one is caused by another. Says one father whose son was shot to death by a relative: “I want him to spend the rest of his life remembering his cousin and honoring his memory. I want him to suffer forever, just like me.” But victims’ families are not the only ones struggling with forgiveness. Police officers often find the sentiment hard to muster. Attorney Edgar J. Hartung, a retired FBI special agent and chairman of the Criminal Justice Department at Alvernia, has seen firsthand how difficult letting the anger go can be. “Law enforcement professionals spend entire careers putting bad people in jail,” he says. Many of the offenders have committed brutal offenses, including rape and murder. “When you see the extent of the hatred, violence and man’s inhumanity to his brother, it affects you to your core,” Hartung says. “Many top law enforcement officials have become hardened, and simply cannot find forgiveness for offenders who commit heinous crimes. While they admire people who can forgive, they often think violent criminals should rot in a cell, or worse.”
Why some can’t forgive Forgiving someone who has committed a terrible crime can test the faith of almost anyone. But why is it that some people find it easier to forgive than others, even in interpersonal relationships? Di You, an associate professor of psychology at Alvernia, says studies show that people who score high on scales that measure narcissism and neuroticism, and score low on scales that measure agreeableness, find it hard to forgive. “For narcissists, they have a strong sense of entitlement that fosters vengefulness…and that may lead people to maintain grudges for a very long time,” explains You, who teaches a course titled Close Relationships. Research also shows that those who are less agreeable often express anger and hostility toward wrongdoers. In fact, agreeableness, that is being friendly and cooperative, is a key personality trait related to the ability to forgive, You says. “They are looking forward,” she says, citing the well-known Paul Boese quote: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” In the long run, forgiveness also fosters wellbeing for victims and their families. According to You, studies show that people who forgive “usually enjoy more personal wellbeing, that is, more self-esteem, less hostility, less distress and more satisfaction with life overall. Forgiveness reduces our hurt and pain, enables us to replace anger with equanimity and it enables us to move forward.” Since her daughter’s abduction and brutal murder in 1984, Wilma Derksen has struggled with forgiveness. At a news conference soon after the killing, the Canadian woman
Brian Neely, Alvernia’s director of campus ministry, talks with students in the Campus Commons.
Alvernia University Magazine
39