Active Family Magazine, January 2023

Publisher/Editor

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Travel Editor

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Social Media Manager and Sales Manager

Trista Cambra-Flanders

Design/Production

Teresa Agnew Craft

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group

Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Contributing Authors

Stratford Schools

Susan Stiffelman

Christine Carter, Ph.D.

Elizabeth Kang Amy McCready

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note

Happy New Year! We hope everyone had a wonderful, safe holiday season!

The new year typically comes with new resolutions. If you are partaking in the yearly tradition and want to stay on-track, be sure to check out Christine Carter’s article on page 4. She offers plenty of tips on how to stay the course!

If planning a trip to Hawaii is top of your list this year, we have you covered! Discovering the best of the best, we have provided several options in Jnauary's issue for families, couples and Moms needing to get away! We thoroughly enjoyed each property for different reasons, but you are sure to have a great time at each resort featured. Please be sure to email us or shoot us a message on social media if you have any questions about the fabulous Hawaiian destinations!

Looking for additional inspiration, parenting advice or travel ideas? Head over to our Instagram @activefamilymagazine and follow us!

Happy New Year!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor

info@activefamilymag.com

Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.”

She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).

Resolutions Slipping?

5 Quick Ways to Stay the Course

by Christine Carter, Ph.D.

We all understand that when we first attempt to drive a car or ride a bike, we’ll make mistakes. Behavior change is no different; it’s a process of slipping, learning from the mistake, and trying again.”

— John C. Norcross, Changeology

Unless you are some sort of superhero, you will not be able to establish a new habit perfectly the first time. Research indicates that 88 percent of people

have failed to keep a new resolution. In my experience as a human being and a coach, 100 percent of people trying to change themselves lapse back to their old selves at least some of the time. So what to do if you’re struggling?

1. Don’t get too emotional about your slip or succumb to self-criticism . Instead, forgive yourself. Remind yourself that lapses are part of the process, and that feeling guilty or bad about your behavior will not increase your future success.

today, why not go hog wild? What the hell–you can begin again tomorrow, right? Wrong. The more damage you do during your binge, the more likely you are to slip again the next day, and the less confidence you’ll have in yourself that you can change. So as soon as you notice you’ve slipped, go back to your plan. Double down, friends, double down.

4. Rededicate yourself to your resolution (now, in this instant, not tomorrow). Why do you want to make the changes that you do? How will you benefit? Do a little deep breathing and calm contemplation of your goals.

2. Figure out what the problem is. This may be blazingly obvious, but in order to do better tomorrow, you’ll need to know what is causing your trip-ups. What temptation can you remove? Were you stressed or tired or hungry–and if so, how can you prevent that the next time? Figure it out, and make a specific plan for what to do if you find yourself in a similar situation again. What will you do differently? What have you learned from your slip?

3. Beware the “What the Hell” effect. Say you’ve sworn not to check your email before breakfast, but you’ve been online since your alarm went off…three hours ago. You’re now at risk for what researchers formally call the Abstinence Violation Effect (AVE) and jokingly call the “What the Hell” effect. If you’ve already blown your plan

5. Above all, comfort yourself. To boost follow-through on our good intentions, we need to feel safe and secure. When we are stressed, our brain tries to rescue us by activating our dopamine systems. A dopamine rush makes temptations more tempting. Think of this as your brain pushing you toward a comfort item . . . like the snooze button instead of the morning jog, onion rings instead of mixed greens, or that easy taxi to work rather than the less-than-comfortable urban bike ride. So sometimes the best thing that we can do to help ourselves unplug is to preemptively comfort ourselves in healthy ways. What makes you feel safe and secure–and doesn’t sabotage your goals? Perhaps you need to seek out a hug or take a walk outside.

TOP TEN REASONS TO STAY AT THE

SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

by Elizabeth Kang

QUITE SIMPLY, MAGIC

SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

Maui is, quite simply, magic. It’s a location we find ourselves returning to again and again, and when not there, daydreaming about constantly. Based on the number of resorts and hotels to choose from on the island, it’s clear that many people feel the same way.

How to narrow down from the many choices and choose where to stay? We’re here to help. We’ve found a favorite in the Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa. Read on to hear the top ten reasons this stunning resort tops our list of best stays in Maui — as if you needed another reason to visit.

10.

IT’S SUITABLE FOR BOTH FAMILIES AND COUPLES

Whether you’re traveling with little ones for a family vacay, or headed to Maui for a romantic getaway, Sheraton Maui is perfect for either situation. Children and teens will find plenty of diversions, from the lagoon-style swimming pool, splash pool and waterslide, to beachside s’mores and easy access to snorkeling. Adult couples and friend groups can escape to tranquility by traveling during the “off-season” (i.e, when school is in session) and staying in the resort’s new “Moana Wing,” which offers unparalleled ocean views, exclusivity and privacy.

9.IT’S WALKABLE TO NEARBY ATTRACTIONS

One of the best aspects of the resort’s stellar location is its walkability. Maui’s year-round, perfect weather makes walking anywhere a treat, and we love to take advantage by ditching the rental car as often as possible. Along with several nearby beaches, there are numerous cafes, coffee shops, boutiques and other resorts within easy walking distance from the hotel. There’s also an electric-bike rental shop just a few minutes away, on foot.

8.THE PLENTIFUL AMENITIES

With a world-class spa, gorgeous lagoon-style pool, beachside access and more, the Sheraton Maui offers amenities galore. There’s also a Black Rock Scuba tour agency on the property for planning unbeatable scuba and snorkeling tours, which also offers paddle boards and surf boards for rent. A number of lively bars and restaurants are available to choose from, on the property and there are onsite outlet shops for browsing souvenirs and picking up last-minute necessities. A fitness center with cardio and weight equipment is available for guests’ use, as well as outdoor tennis courts.

COURTESY OF SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

COURTESY OF SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

7.

IT OFFERS LUXURY AT AN AFFORDABLE PRICE POINT

This four-star resort feels upscale and luxurious, and offers everything you’d expect from a high-end resort, without the steep daily rate. In fact, during the off-season, guests can find room rates around $500 a night — a price practically unheard of at other high-end resorts. We appreciate that the Sheraton Maui offers affordable room rates on the most sough-after and priciest Hawaiian island.

6.THE UNPARALLELED VIEWS

Because this iconic resort was built back in 1963, its developers got first dibs on its stunning, unbeatable location. The jaw-

dropping, panoramic sunset views from the hotel’s lobby, restaurants and balconies will take your breath away. Booking a room in the hotel’s new “Moana Wing” guarantees an awe-inspiring and unparalleled panoramic seascape view.

5.SPACIOUS AND CONTEMPORARY ACCOMMODATIONS

Rooms at the Sheraton Maui Resort & Spa are spacious, clean and tastefully decorated, with recently renovated rooms in a range of styles that suite any need. Whether you choose an ocean-view king or resort-view double, you can expect lots of space to spread out, ultra-comfortable, plush beds,

and everyday necessities at your fingertips.

4.IT EMBODIES THE ALOHA SPIRIT

The welcoming aloha spirit is alive and well at the Sheraton Maui, where impeccably trained staff treat guests like royalty. We truly feel like “Ohana” when we arrive at the resort, and that warm, inviting feeling endures throughout our stay.

3.IT CELEBRATES NATIVE HAWAIIAN CULTURE

Another favorite aspect of Sheraton Maui is its attention to and celebration of ancient Hawaiian culture. The resort offers a number of activities that celebrate

COURTESY OF SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

COURTESY OF SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

indigenous Hawaiian customs, including hosting a spectacular and authentic beachfront Luau, and a nightly torch-lighting and cliff diving ceremony — an ancient and elusive Hawaiian ritual. Live Hawaiian music and hula dancing is commonplace at the resort, as well.

2 . FOOD AND BEVERAGE CHOICES ARE BAR NONE

From TeppanYaki to a gourmet breakfast buffet and traditional shave ice, Sheraton Maui offers a dazzling variety of mouthwatering food, drinks and treats, all on

property. Enjoying tropical cocktails and “pupus” at the Sheraton’s Sandbar while viewing the Cliff Diving Ceremony at sunset was a memorable highlight of our trip. The Sandbar offers a spectacular view, perched above the property and overlooking Black Rock.

1

. BEST LOCATION ON MAUI

Situated on 23 oceanfront acres in Kaanapali — the most coveted area of Maui — the Sheraton Maui boasts the best location of any resort on the island. This longstanding resort was built around the legendary Puu

Kekaa Black Rock, famous among thrill-seekers who travel from afar to cliff dive from the rugged rock. The location also boasts access to the best beaches in Maui, and its lush grounds are abundant with gorgeous, native flowers and tropical plants.

SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

808-661-0031 2605 Kaanapali Pkwy Lahaina, HI 96761 www.marriott.com

COURTESY OF SHERATON MAUI RESORT & SPA

DELICIOUS DINING

MAUI, HAWAII

Lahaina Grill

We’d be remiss to visit Maui without visiting the historic and iconic Lahaina Grill. This longstanding gem features elegant Hawaiian cuisine in an upscale setting located in old-town Lahaina. The fact that Lahaina Grill has been voted one of the best 100 restaurants in America for three-years-in-a-row speaks volumes about the quality of the experience you can expect here, (and the need for reservations well in advance.)

This airy eatery is chock-full of gorgeous art and decadent plates of seafood and steaks. Deft and friendly servers help diners navigate the extensive wine menu. They can also help guests choose between expertly prepared local Mahi Mahi, or succulent Kona Coffee roasted Colorado Rack of Lamb. A Key Lime Pie Martini makes for a perfect ending to a memorable meal. The Lahaina Grill is a must-visit when vacationing in Maui for a romantic date night or decadent meal with friends.

LAHAINA GRILL

127 Lahainaluna Rd Lahaina, HI 96761 808-667-5117

RESERVATIONS: www.lahainagrill.com, www.opentable.com

Monkeypod Kitchen

For a more casual or family friendly meal, head to Monkeypod Kitchen in the nearby Whaler’s Village (a 10-minute walk from the Sheraton), a favorite with tourists and locals alike. With two locations in Maui and other locations throughout the Hawaiian islands, this lively hot spot has become an in-demand dining destination. Featuring craft brews, contemporary cuisine, and oftentimes, live music, Monkeypod Kitchen offers a variety of quality cuisine and beverages. The interior is warm and inviting, with Monkeypod-tree wood beams and tasteful Hawaiian decor.

We love visiting Monkeypod during happy hour (3:30 - 5,) when their unbeatable signature Mai Tai and mouthwatering Kalua Pork Pizza can be had for a fraction of the usual price. Keikis also love this fun eatery, where they can choose from their usual children’s menu favorites of pizza, burgers, mac n cheese and fresh, local fish.

KITCHEN 2435 Kaanapali Pkwy Bldg I-1 Lahaina, HI 96761 808-878-6763 RESERVATIONS: www.opentable.com

MONKEYPOD

BRAIN POWER: Benefits of Learning a Second Language at an Early Age

by Stratford School

Development of memory, better concentration and focus, faster adaptation, are among the many reasons why teaching your child a second language can help boost their brain development.

Did you know that approximately 60-75% of the world population can speak at least two languages? In fact, research studies have shown that knowing two or three languages is beneficial at any age, yet many people have the same question – why should a young child learn a second language while they are focused on learning their primary one? It seems like this would be learning overload at a time when they are also learning how to be friends, count, play, and so much more. However, this is a time in our lives when acquiring a second language comes very naturally.

In fact, between the ages of 0-3, the brains of young children are uniquely suited to learn a second language as the brain is in its most flexible stage. Bilingually exposed infants excelled in detecting a switch in language as early as six months old. They can learn a second language as easy as they learn to walk and grasp their primary language. According to a recent census report, 27 percent of children under the age of

six are now learning a language other than English and that learning a second language does not negatively impact the child’s native one.

As adults, we have to consider grammar rules and practice, however young children absorb sounds, structures, intonation patterns, and the rules of a second language very easily. Up until the age of eight, young learners benefit from flexible ear and speech muscles that can detect differences between the sounds of a second language.

While it may be easier for young children to pick up a second language, there are benefits for adults as well. Researchers found that young adults who knew two languages performed better on attention tests and had better concentration compared to those who only spoke one language. This is largely because of the workout our brain receives while switching back and forth between one language and another when deciding how to communicate. It allows us to focus better during a lecture and remember relevant information.

With this in mind, we consulted Stratford School’s Bilingual Mandarin teachers from our San Francisco,

CA campus, to help understand the advantages of a bilingual Preschool, why it is beneficial for children, and the questions to ask when selecting a bilingual school for your child.

Understanding What a Bilingual Preschool Is

According to Amy Yu, Preschool Bilingual Mandarin Teacher. “An early learning bilingual program supports the language-sensitive period that ranges from infancy to age seven. The most widely known model of bilingual education is the development bilingual model, in which there is a 50/50 balance between teaching the two languages. Based on decades of research, we know multilingual children gain a cognitive, academic, and social edge in school and beyond. In addition, children gain cultural competence which nurtures their ability to understand, appreciate, and interact with people from cultures different from their own.”

selecting a bilingual program for your child, consider asking some of these questions:

• What percentage of time will my child engage in each of the languages?

• What is your teaching model? One teacher, two teachers?

• What training do teachers receive for teaching in a bilingual classroom?

• Are the teachers certified in teaching bilingual languages?

• How will my child be supported individually as they learn a new language?

• In which ways do you develop cultural competencies?

• What are some of the learning goals for my child this year?

• How can we support at home? What is our role in supporting both languages?

Additional advice comes from Kuen “Rita” Hung Fong, Pre-Kindergarten Bilingual Mandarin Teacher, “A bilingual language program is a place for children to learn a new language naturally and comfortably within a practical environment. Children can learn to speak Mandarin (or another language) through playing different activities, singing songs, and engaging with others.”

Ideally, the school should have a clear mission and vision for their bilingual program. Like any school decision, families should feel welcomed, respected, and cared for as they decide if a bilingual program is a good fit for their child and for the family.”

Questions to Ask When Selecting a Bilingual School

How do you pick the best school for your child? As you go through the process of choosing a school remember, you are looking for a school that will make the educational experience for your child and you as rewarding as possible. According to Janet Wong, Pre-Kindergarten Bilingual Mandarin teacher, “When

Learning two languages will not confuse or distract your child. Remember, their brains are flexible and the skills that develop beyond learning a second language is immeasurable. Bilingual children learn that an object stays the same even though the object has a different name in a different language. Studies have also shown that foreign language learning increases critical thinking skills, creativity, and flexibility of mind.

Learn more about Stratford School and our Mandarin Bilingual programs at www.stratfordschools.com.

HAWAII’S

by Elizabeth Kang

ISLAND

Maui may be for lovers and Oahu is well known for its popularity with families, but the “Big Island” of Hawaii offers a great time for everyone, young and old, single or attached. The island of Hawaii, or the “Big Island,” offers so much in the way of adventure, luxury, and that warm aloha spirit.

There are also a large number of lodging options to choose from, from small bed and breakfasts to sprawling mega-resorts, and exclusive luxury rentals. Luckily, we’ve had a chance to experience a number of wonderful options on the island, and have narrowed down the best lodging for any size party, and every type of traveler. Read on to choose the absolute best place to stay on the big island for your specific needs.

THE FAMILY WITH KIDS: Westin Hapuna Beach Resort

If you’re traveling with little-ones-in-tow, the Westin Hapuna Beach Resort is your best bet for a memorable family vacay that will please everyone. This upscale resort is luxurious, yet ultra kid-friendly, offering a “best-of-both-worlds” experience that’s often hard to come by on the islands.

The Westin Hapuna boasts an enviable location along the picturesque Kohala Coast, and just so happens to be adjacent to one of the best beaches in the country — Hapuna Beach State Park. The beach is an oasis of stunning beauty, crystal-clear water, and mild, swimmable currents. A stay at the Westin Hapuna allows guests direct walking access to a beach that looks like it was conjured from a daydream.

Along with the sand and surf at your fingertips, there’s plenty of kid-friendly and adult fun to be found back at the resort, as well. A sprawling 6,800-square-foot family pool with a toddlerfriendly splash pad area makes for a fun afternoon under the sun, and family friendly activities such as hula lessons, an onsite luau, lei-making and snorkeling allows families to experience a taste of native Hawaiian culture in a meaningful, hands-on way.

The Westin Hapuna also boasts an amazing Kids Club, which is staffed by well-trained, caring and certified workers, and includes fun activities such as art & crafts and games. The club comes in handy when adults want to enjoy a massage or facial at the wonderful onsite day spa, or a relaxing swim in the tranquil adults-only-pool.

When it comes to dining, The Westin Hapuna offers delicious fare to suit every diner’s tastes,

from the family foodie to the picky toddler. Ikena Landing offers an abundant breakfast buffet, and Naupaka Beach Grill is loved for its casual, beachside setting and fresh, low-key fare. For a more upscale, yet family friendly meal, diners head to Meridia, which offers Mediterranean-inspired cuisine.

The Westin Hapuna Beach Resort 62-100 Kauna'oa Dr Waimea, HI 96743 808-880-1111 www.marriott.com

THE COUPLE SEEKING ROMANCE: Mauna Kea Beach Hotel

If romance is in the air, the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel is just the ticket. This gorgeous, historic hotel is the perfect place for honeymooners, babymooners, and couple’s looking to reconnect, sans kids (although kids are most welcome at the resort.)

Developed by Laurance S. Rockefeller, the iconic Mauna Kea Beach Hotel was the very first hotel built on the Big Island, and boasts a stunning beachside location, along with casual luxury, and warm, flawless service. Situated on the rugged Kohala Coast, guests at Mauna Kea Beach Hotel enjoy spacious rooms with lanais that overlook breezy, turquoise waters and swaying palms.

The Mauna Kea boasts unique offerings geared towards couples, such as private, sunset beachside dinners, relaxing couple’s massages at the full-service Mauna Kea Resort spa, a Manta Ray moonlight swim, and a VIP helicopter experience overlooking stunning waterfalls and jawdropping cliffs.

For a truly romantic and intimate experience, book the unforgettable “Sunset Aha’aina Experience”, which includes a private four-course dinner at a choice of secluded venue, with wine pairing, a solo guitarist, professional photography, handcrafted cocktails, and more. It’s a wonderful way to reconnect with your favorite person, whether you're celebrating an anniversary, birthday, honeymoon, or simply the fact that you're finally alone together.

Couples can also enjoy a fun and bonding afternoon of golf together on either of Mauna Kea’s two award-winning, 18-hole courses. Lush fairways, warm, coastal breezes and panoramic ocean views await players on either the legendary Mauna Kea Golf Course or the newer Hapuna Golf Course. Every single hole offers fun, challenging play, along with majestic island and/or ocean views.

Mauna Kea Beach Hotel

62-100 Mauna Kea Beach Dr Waimea, HI 96743 808-882-7222 www.marriott.com

THE BOUGIE MOMS’ GETAWAY: Hapuna Beach Residences

Let’s face it, time away with girlfriends is an all-too-rare occurrence. When the stars (and busy calendars) align and your favorite friends manage to finally book that dreamy Hawaiian getaway, now is not the time to skimp. The Hapuna Beach Residences provide the ultimate in luxury, space, and privacy, and make for the most memorable, “bougie” girlfriend’s getaway imaginable.

These newly built, luxury residences are like having your own private residence, but with access to all the fun and convenience of a hotel. Each guest enjoys private accommodations with room to spread out, while sharing common areas for late-night laughs and early coffee chats.

With a choice of one-to-four-bedroom residences, the Hapuna Beach Residences accommodate any sized friend group, while boasting stunning, modern architecture and luxury finishes. These 68-beachfront residences range in size from 670 to 3,500 square feet, and offer an ultra-exclusive, private feel with all the amenities of home, like a gourmet kitchen and multiple private bathrooms.

Guests of the Hapuna Beach Residences enjoy access to the nearby Westin Hapuna Beach Resort, where they can use the pools and all the amenities there, and are able to charge from the hotel to their room. Weekly maid service is available at the residences, and guests can even order in-room dining to their residence from the hotel, which comes in handy when you don’t feel like cooking (or leaving your gorgeous, private space.) Some residences even come with their own private pool overlooking the breathing Hapuna Beach.

Because the residences are in such a private location, guests should be aware that there is a bit of a walk from the residences to the hotel, so be sure to bring some walking shoes. However, we found the short “hike” is certainly worth the ample space and unobstructed, oceanfront views enjoyed daily at the Hapuna Beach Residences.

Hapuna Beach Residences 62-100 Kauna’oa Drive Waimea, HI 96743 888-906-2139 www.maunakearesidences.com

THE EXTENDED FAMILY OR COUPLE FRIENDS: Mauna Kea Residences

If you are traveling with parents, in-laws, your favorite couple friends or you simply have a really big family, Mauna Kea Residences is the lodging that best fits your need for ample room, and/or multiple spaces. These private residences come in 85 options that range from oneto-seven-bedroom residences, so they can accommodate even the largest of families.

These stunning vacation rentals are situated within walking distance to the coveted Hapuna Beach, and feature access to swimming pools, fitness centers, and all the amenities at the nearby Mauna Kea Resort, where guests can opt to dine out and enjoy the hotel’s many amenities.

We love that guests of the Mauna Kea Residences enjoy luxurious, private spaces and all the everyday needs of home, such as full, gourmet kitchens, washer and dryers, multiple bathrooms, outdoor kitchens, and oversized master bedrooms. Guests can also enjoy rounds of golf at the nearby Mauna Kea courses, or can opt to paddle board in the ocean, and even have the option to charge beachside cocktails to their residence.

Mauna Kea Residences are the perfect lodging option for large families, or even young families traveling with babies. The convenience of having your own kitchen to make on-demand, casual meals at “home” can’t be overstated when traveling with babies and toddlers, and having a quiet, closed-off room is essential for napping babies. Even teens will appreciate staying at the Mauna Kea Residences, where they’ll have their own private space — something every teenager craves.

Whether you’re traveling with extended family, close friends or lots of kids, Mauna Kea Residences is our top choice for privacy, comfort, and room to spread out.

Mauna Kea Residences

Mauna Kea Resort

62-100 Kauna'oa Dr Waimea, HI 96743 808-880-3490

Susan Stiffelman, Huffington

is an engaging speaker whose presentations leave audiences upbeat, entertained and fortified with practical strategies that will make an immediate and significant difference in their day to day lives. Susan is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child therapist, a credentialed teacher, and a highly regarded parenting coach. Instead of offering standard, scripted advice to parents about how to control their children, Susan focuses on helping them be what she calls the Captain of the ship their children need and naturally want to cooperate with, confide in, and respect. Those who attend Susan’s presentations routinely email her office with thanks, and a request to come back again!

Is Your Life A Little Cluttered?

by Susan Stiffelman

I know this about myself: I love tidiness. I find it very comforting to be in spaces that are clean and organized.

I also know this: I wasn’t born a tidy person.

Years ago, when I was a young mother with kids in and out of the house, I would often feel ashamed about the lack of order in our home. Things seemed to be piled up everywhere.

I’d visit neighbors with children and find it mystifying that their homes were so organized and tidy. How did they do it?

In my 40’s, I was diagnosed with ADHD. This explained a LOT. I began to

Post Parent’s weekly advice columnist (“Parent Coach”),

understand that with a mind as busy and distractible as mine, it was easy for me to start cleaning up the living room, only to be diverted by something more stimulating.

During a professional development course I took called ADD Across the Lifespan, our lively instructor said, “Do you want to know one of the hallmark characteristics of ADD? It’s when your piles have babies!”

Boy, could I relate! I had piles everywhere!

I was determined not to use ADHD as an excuse for my scattered approach to keeping up with the house. But it was a relief to find out that it was a factor. Understanding this helped me practice more kindness and selfacceptance, rather than harshly comparing myself to others who seemed to have their act more together.

ideas, replaying conversations, and reviewing endless lists of tasks and obligation.

It can be exhausting, and much harder to remain present for our lives when we’re cluttered inside.

Over time, I’ve learned to be as serious about managing the internal clutter of my life as I am about what’s in my visual space. My home is now what I call tidy enough; it doesn’t qualify for a magazine cover, but it offers rest and relaxation.

Over time, I invested a lot of time in learning strategies that would help me stay on course with mundane tasks and reduce the “visual chaos” that I found so unsettling. Our home became a little more organized and orderly.

But there was another outcome that emerged in this process. This one was less visible.

And I guard my internal state of mind vigilantly. Sometimes that means saying “No” to an appealing opportunity that would add too much to my plate. Other times it means interrupting negative streams of thought that take me places I don’t want to go. And sometimes it means taking 3 quieting breaths in the middle of a hurricane of activity, to re-establish a sense of stillness and steadiness.

Being dedicated to de-cluttering my internal state has helped me create a less cluttered external environment.

I had always been a meditator, which no doubt contributed to staying reasonably calm, even with my ADD’ish tendencies. But I still had (have) a busy mind. When I wasn’t sitting in meditation, (and often, even when I was!) it wasn’t easy to slow down the constant activity between my ears.

I wanted my internal life to be less cluttered, too.

This internal de-cluttering is much harder to do than the external. With or without ADD, many of us have a steady stream of noise in our minds. We’re constantly juggling

If your life feels cluttered–inside or out– perhaps it’s time to notice what internal patterns might be expressing themselves in your external environment.

Or it might be the other way around! Reducing some of the physical “stuff” of your lives may have the blessed effect of creating more internal peace and serenity.

Either way, if you’re like me and are a little disorganized and scattered, please be kind to yourself. I’ve come to see that my ADD’ishness is a tremendous gift. I just needed to learn to work with my nature, in a loving way. I hope you can do the same, and enjoy more rest, ease, and serenity, even in the midst of your busy lives.

PRIVATE SCHOOL GUIDE

EAST BAY

The Academy School K - 8 Berkeley Visit School Website

American International Montessori School PreK-8 Berkeley Visit School Website

American International Montessori School PreK-8 Berkeley Visit School Website

The Athenian School 6-12 Danville Visit School Website Aurora School K-8 Oakland Visit School Website Bentley School K - 12 Oakland Visit School Website

Berkeley Rose Waldorf School K-8 Berkeley Visit School Website

The Berkeley School Younger than TK- grade 8 Berkeley Visit School Website

Berkwood Hedge School K-5 Berkeley Visit School Website

Bishop O’Dowd High School 9 – 12 Oakland Visit School Website

Black Pine Circle School K-8 Berkeley Visit School Website

Cardondelet High School 9-12 Concord Visit School Website

The College Preparatory School 9-12 Oakland Visit School Website

Contra Costa Jewish Day School K-8 Lafayette Visit School Website

The Crowden School 3-8 Berkeley Visit School Website

De La Salle High School 9-12 Concord Visit School Website

East Bay German International School PreK-12 Emeryville Visit School Website

East Bay School for Boys 6 - 8 Berkeley Visit School Website

Ecole Bilingue de Berkeley PreK-8 Berkeley Visit School Website

Escuela Bilingüe Internacional PreK-8 Oakland Visit School Website

Golestan Education TK-5 El Cerrito Visit School Website

Grand Lake Montessori 18 months - 6th Oakland Visit School Website

Head-Royce School K-12 Oakland Visit School Website

Julia Morgan School for Girls 6-8 Oakland Visit School Website Maybeck High School 9-12 Berkeley Visit School Website

Mills College Children’s School at Northeastern University Younger than TK- grade 5 Oakland Visit School Website

Montessori Family School PreK-8 El Cerrito Visit School Website

Northern Light School Younger than TK- grade 8 Oakland Visit School Website

Oakland Hebrew Day School TK-8 Oakland Visit School Website

Orinda Academy 9-12 Orinda Visit School Website

Pacific Boychoir Academy 3-8 Oakland Visit School Website

Park Day School K - 8 Oakland Visit School Website

Pear Tree Community School Younger than TK- grade 5 Oakland Visit School Website

Prospect Sierra School TK - 8 El Cerrito Visit School Website

Quarry Lane School Pre - 12 Pleasanton Visit School Website

Raskob Day School 3-8 Oakland Visit School Website

Redwood Day School K-8 Oakland Visit School Website

The Renaissance International School Prek-8 Oakland Visit School Website

The Saklan School Younger than TK- grade 8 Moraga Visit School Website

The Seven Hills School Younger than TK- grade 8 Walnut Creek Visit School Website

St. Isidore School K - 8 Danville Visit School Website

St. Paul’s Episcopal School K - 8 Oakland Visit School Website

Valley Montessori School PreK-8 Livermore Visit School Website

Valley Christian Schools PreK-8 Dublin Visit School Website

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Parenting Expert, Best Selling Author, Keynote Speaker, Certified Positive Discipline Instructor and Mom

Tens of thousands of parents around the globe look to Amy McCready as their Parenting Expert of choice. Why? She’s been there. She gets it. She’s relatable. And she has the ANSWERS parents need in today’s chaotic world. Now a “recovering yeller,” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling and The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic –A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an OverEntitled World.

You’ll also find Amy on television and online as a regular parenting contributor for NBC’s TODAY Show. She’s also appeared on CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Rachael Ray, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. She is a sought after keynote speaker and a trusted spokesperson for family friendly brands. Her most important role? Proud mom of two amazing young men. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS.

Teaching Kids Respect–for Themselves and Others

by Amy McCready

“Kids today are SO disrespectful,” you’ve probably heard (or even muttered, amongst other statements).

It’s true that parent-child relationships are evolving. Many kids today behave differently, communicate differently, and have different goals and expectations than a mere generation ago. They are growing up in a different world. Still, teaching respect is as important now as when Aretha first sang about it.

Some children today are granted more leeway and left ample room to question and challenge our guidance. This can feel and appear disrespectful.

Alternatively, kids taught to blindly follow authority can lack confidence, problem-solving skills, and have an unhealthy fear of failure. They don’t necessarily learn to trust or respect themselves.

Respect is twofold: we must remain courteous to others while also standing up for ourselves.

The conundrum is, when does letting our kids speak for themselves border on disrespect? And, at what point do our actions as parents fail to respect our kids? (Learn how to stop all the yelling with our FREE online class.)

According to author Don Miguel Ruiz, “Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love.”

If this is the case, it has the power to change the world–we just have to get it right.

What Is The Difference Between Respectful and Disrespectful Behavior?

Respect is a balance of knowledge, intention, care, and reflection.

Only when we’ve taught and self-modeled respect towards others can we expect our children to know what it looks like, understand its value, and act respectfully themselves.

When kids do know what’s expected and are blatantly unkind, it can be considered disrespect. They know how they should act, but they don’t care. Or, they have ulterior motives.

First, consider whether your home environment allows your kids to make some decisions and voice their opinions. If so, a bit of questioning and complaining isn’t necessarily disrespectful.

Also, remember that kids are always gaining more independence; and sometimes, that means challenging their parents.

Next, consider your child’s age when determining respect versus disrespect. A three-year-old isn’t going to immediately understand that it isn’t nice to point out a stranger as “fat” or an old lady as “more wrinkly than Grandma.” But with time and calm instruction on what (or not) to say, kids will learn.

Caveat: Children with neurological differences may have a medical reason for adverse actions. If you are concerned with your child’s behavior, please consult a counselor or physician.

Do Respect and Good Manners Go Hand-in-Hand?

Charming phrases like “Yes Sir” and “Yes, Ma’am,” are falling further from children’s vocabulary. Backtalk seems to be bursting out instead.

Parents can still train kids when and how to use social conventions at age-appropriate times for each individual child. Saying “please,” “thank you,” holding doors for people, complimenting a meal, and offering to pay gas money, are all types of respect and kindness.

Kids want to do the right thing. And, they feel more confident in a variety of social situations when they know how to act.

“Yes Sir” does indeed sound nice. But a child who doesn’t use formalities–even when trained–isn’t necessarily less respectful.

Cordial behavior isn’t everything. And, it doesn’t mean much if it’s just surface-level. Caring about others is what makes a difference.

Some shy children rarely say “hi,” for instance, and it may seem rude. Before assuming that shyness has ill intent, we can offer strategies to make them more comfortable with

greetings.

Then, we can focus on how our young one helped fold laundry that day, or how our teenager listened to a friend in need. This proves that beyond greetings, there are alternative ways to show kindness.

Respect and manners are also nuanced. Showing Grandma respect might look different from showing friends or even teachers respect. Kids greatly benefit from learning these societal/generational differences!

Entitlement and Disrespect

Teaching respect means fighting against entitlement. Because entitlement doesn’t show respect for people’s time, money, or efforts.

Along with an evolving social structure where kids have more input, there has also been a shift towards giving our kids more of everything else, too. More material possessions, more technology…and greater freedoms with fewer responsibilities.

It’s understandable that we want our kids to have generous, carefree childhoods. We want to make life easier and more enjoyable for them.

But in doing so–even when the intention is noble–parents are losing sight of the big picture. If we don’t expect kids to contribute in meaningful ways, we aren’t teaching respect (or receiving it)!

The war against entitlement happens a little every day, like when we encourage our kids to do their Family Contributions (a helpful euphemism for chores!). Or, when we remind them to give, not just expect, appreciation for family, friends, and teachers.

And lastly, we must stop rewarding our children for basic, expected tasks. When we offer candy for folding the laundry or a dollar for every completed homework assignment, we aren’t teaching them the intrinsic value

of helping others–or themselves.

Though we’re enticing them to get things done, we’re actually robbing them of essential lessons in generosity and self-respect.

Building a Respectful Environment At Home

If we build an environment where our children feel valued and their opinions are heard, we are already building the foundation of respect.

We can solidify this intention by showing that respect in everyday situations.

This starts by:

Using Discipline, Not Punishment

The distinction between punishment and discipline is often lost, but it is critical.

Punishment intentionally blames, hurts, and embarrasses kids when they misbehave or make a poor choice. It’s meant to teach them not to repeat that action, but instead, it makes them feel worse about themselves– it teaches only fear

That’s not what respect is about!

Discipline differs greatly from punishment, because it offers a positive, proactive approach; it essentially allows kids to feel the effects of their choices without being chastised for them! It also teaches right versus wrong more effectively, because the lesson isn’t lost in reproach and resentment.

Involving Children in Decisions

Imagine parenthood as a system of government. A generation or more ago, kids were raised in a more autocratic-type system. Parents made the rules, and kids followed them– or else!

Fast-forward to the present day, and you might compare contemporary parenthood to a democracy of sorts. Kids get to have an opinion! They may not hold executive office, but they are certainly representatives in congress.

Kids’ thoughts, feelings, and grievances have a right to be aired. They matter.

Society has been slowly peeling away from more autocratic parenting towards this system of democracy. But, it doesn’t mean kids can’t learn or focus on respect!

In fact, like respectful discipline, kids learn better by being a part of decisions. It even increases their ability to work with, and mitigate, the wishes of others!

There are two simple Positive Parenting Solutions ® tools you can employ to give kids the freedom of voice and choice –both of which personify respect!

A Decision-Rich Environment empowers a four-year-old to choose between two or three outfits to wear each day. Or, it encourages a teenager to choose Friday’s dinner menu each week.

Age and proven responsibility can allow additional, increasingly important choices–and this permits kids to improve their decision-making skills and shape their own lives!

Using the Ask, Don’t Tell Tool

Another positive discipline tool is Ask, Don’t Tell. Designed by counselor/psychologist Lynn Lott, it represents freedom to a “T.”

No one likes being bossed around in the first place. And believe it or not, kids might be more willing to help us, or do what we’re requesting, when we ask nicely!

Creating a Decision-Rich Environment

According to renowned psychologist Alfred Adler, all humans–including children!–long for power, belonging, and significance. It drives their every move.

This might sound like, “Any chance you’d be able to give me a hand getting the living room ready for our friends to come over?” instead of, “You need to get your things out of the living room.”

So, kids aren’t being rude or less respectful for wanting attention, validation, a voice, a chance to air grievances, and a little more control.

When children are granted age-appropriate choices in their lives, these desires are quickly met: they’re given the power to make each choice, they know their opinions matter, and they immediately feel valued.

Kids need our guidance and direction, and sometimes, that takes some spurring. But asking respectfully not only sets a good example of how to treat someone, it also eliminates backtalk and power struggles!

The key is, you DO have to ask–and you have to do this only when you are able to accept a “no” for an answer. But by doing so, you’re actually more likely to get a cheerful, “Sure!” in the long run.

Allowing kids to make decisions, and not dictating everything they do, awards them this basic respect.

Because respect isn’t taking power from our kids. It’s giving it to them.

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