Zipper Magazine - August 1972 by Zipper Magazine

FLYIN’ LOW & HANGIN’ OUT. AMERICA’S LARGEST ROCK MAGAZINE

REVIEWS

XP OS

RA DI

KL VC

TANTRIC IN TOPANGA Bryan Diamand Exclusive Interview WITCHES HAT GOIN’ D UTCH On tour from Alameda to Amsterdam CONFESSIONS OF A GROUPIE We’re Makin’ Out with Lori Shakeshaft

DO FR IN EQ ’ IT UE W NC ITH Y

Timothy Grubb LIVE Tangerine Drops Otter’s Pocket Los Candelos Jelly Brain

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Keep it Zipped ZIPPER ONCE AGAIN flies low this month. As usual it’s without a license. In this issue we find out the latest from Topanga Canyon where nudity, emergency distress flares and a parakeet named Pete hit the headlines. On the subject of flares we give you a step by step guide on how to dream up some new denim, all is not as it seams.

We send Edgar Cook on tour with Witches Hat to the Netherlands, a place that sounds mythical, and sorta is. He returned home with his mind bent more out of shape than Elvis Presley’s jumpsuit. His hangover honks kinda like it too. Meanwhile former frontman of “The Hat” Bryan Diamand talks to us through his spiritual translater Evelyn Apple on

the eve of his new release Tantric Candle direct from his California ranch. We also caught up with Diamand’s former squeeze and infamous groupie Lori Shakeshaft. She dishes the dirt on what goes on behind the bedroom doors of the Hyatt, or as she calls it “The Riot.” All in all it’s another super cool issue of your flyaway Zipper.

The Zipper editorial team

fingers make her hotter property than half of Beverly Hills, which in a strange twist of fate is what she changed her name from when she moved to California from Le Vell, Oregon. IONA CLARKE hair and make up: South African-born Iona has British parentage and the most curious accent. Currently dating a famous rock star whose name sounds a bit like ‘Swagger’, Iona is amongst our most sociable members of staff. If there’s a party, she’s invited, probably because she’s also hosting it. AUTUMN WINTERS fashion editor and sewing instructor: Nimble with a thimble, Autumn is heavily fingered. That is, she has large hands for a girl, but that doesn’t take away from her ability to sew better than anyone we’ve ever met. She’s a real joker too. Yep, she has us quite literally in stitches. LISA-LOU CASH staff reporter: Lisa-Lou is the grand-niece of a certain male singer. She doesn’t like to talk about it though and rarely talks about family, well that is apart from when she is yakking on the latest escapades of her son, Sue. AL SMITH copy chief: A man with a big heart and an even bigger appetite, Al is a fast food junkie who holds the record for

eating the most Hamburgers in one sitting. His jovial nature hides a secret few knew about until now. Like a cow, Al was born with four stomachs, which accounts for both his demanding hunger and his svelte frame. And his ability to sleep standing up. JETHRO SUMMERS staff writer: Jethro is a London born singer songwriter who pens words as well as melodies. Having enjoyed brief but impressive success in the Belgian charts, Jethro found himself drawn briefly to Buddha before quickly converting to Satan. Then back again. After a seven year sabbatical in a small English town named Manchester, Jethro relocated to the States and is currently penning his autobiography, entitled “Ooh! It’s taken years off me”. EDDIE ‘THE OVEN’ COOK food & drink editor: In the writing pool, Jethro often comments that Al and Eddie are “thick as thieves.” With Eddie being a trained chef (ironic given his surname) and Smith being the proud owner of several stomachs, the pair can frequently be found in the staff kitchen preparing noodles, tacos and other exotic foreign foods. Famously, Eddie does not own a dictionary, a car nor any underwear.

editor-in-chief: Keen on outdoor pursuits, Peter-Paul (Peepo to his friends/enemies) came to us having made his name at Stoney Ground Magazine where he combined the dual roles of Sub-Editor and Kitchen Wizard. Peepo collects Cacti. BRYAN JONES art director: Ably assisting Peep is Bryan, who changed the spelling of his name after being frequently confused with his sadly deceased namesake. Bryan was once a promising musician but a freak accident involving some soldering irons and a cat named Beryl put an end to that. Bryan now has a total of 8.5 fingers but retains both his sunny disposition and his ability to use a standard typewriter. MELVIN FALLOWS art assistant: Having served a weird and wonderful apprenticeship under the famed (and slightly deranged) Jimmy ‘Muddy’ Waters, Melvin brings a wealth of experience to the table. He lists his hobbies as “Sleeping, eating and thinking.” JILLY HILL staff photographer: Super snapper Jilly has a trophy cabinet more impressive than Roberto Duran, Eddie Merckx, Jack Nicklaus and Billie Jean King combined. Her eagle eye and ready PETER-PAUL

ZIPPER

POINDEXTER

AUGUST 1972

CONTENTS KEEP IT ZIPPED. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 Peepo’s Intro

DEAR ZIPPER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Letters from our readers

VIEW FROM THE CANYON . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Lisa-Lou Cash reports from Topanga

MEET KLVC RADIO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

Jethro Summers asks doncha ever listen to the radio?

WITCHES HAT ON TOUR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 Edgar Cook tests his Dutch courage

FREE POSTER PULL OUT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29 Let’s all party in our pants!

BRYAN DIAMAND AT HOME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 The life of Bryan beyond The Hat

FLAREWAY TO HEAVEN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42 Ditch those straight legs and prepare to flare

LORI SHAKESHAFT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Make up to make out

REVIEWS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

Albums, singles and live sets reviewed

HOROSCOPES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 Rusty Starr reveals your Zipper Zodiac

CLASSIFIEDS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 They’re selling, are you buying?

Cover Photo: Bryan Diamand and Evelyn Apple in a peaceful embrace within the grounds of their home, Mirkwood Ranch.

GENERAL NOTES: RETURN POSTAGE MUST ACCOMPANY ALL MANUSCRIPTS, DRAWINGS AND PHOTOGRAPHS SUBMITTED IF THEY ARE TO BE RETURNED AND NO RESPONSIBILITY CAN BE ASSUMED FOR UNSOLICITED MATERIALS. ALL RIGHTS IN LETTERS SENT TO ZIPPER WILL BE TREATED AS UNCONDITIONALLY ASSIGNED FOR PUBLICATION AND COPYRIGHT PURPOSES AND AS SUBJECT TO ZIPPER’S UNRESTRICTED RIGHT TO EDIT AND TO COMMENT EDITORIALLY. CONTENTS COPYRIGHTED © MMXIII LEVI STRAUSS & CO. PRINTED IN THE USA. NOTHING MAY BE PRINTED IN WHOLE OR IN PART WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE COPYRIGHT OWNER. ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE PEOPLE AND PLACES IN THE FICTION AND SEMIFICTION IN THIS PUBLICATION AND ANY REAL PEOPLE AND PLACES IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. CREDITS PHOTOGRAPHY: ELZA WANDLER; ILLUSTRATION: BEN LAMB; LAYOUT: MIKE FALLOWS; MAKE UP: FIONA CLARKE; CONTRIBUTORS: MATT COOK, NEIL SUMMERS, MARK SMITH, LISA ROVNER; ART DIRECTION & DESIGN: LEVI’S® XX. LOCATE YOUR NEAREST INTERNET TERMINAL AND TYPE OUT THE ADDRESS LEVISVINTAGECLOTHING.COM/ORANGETAB

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Dear Zipper, UNFAIR DISMISSAL I’M NOT CLASSICALLY TRAINED visionary multi-instrumentalist Ritchie Talarico, so I don’t know what it’s like to be part of one of rock’s greatest ever partnerships. But if I were I would probably feel like I deserved more respect from a magazine to which I’d given a great deal of generous interview time over the years, and I’d take your unfair and dismissive review of Here Flows the Forest River by Witches Hat very personally. For a start, I’m pretty sure you only listened to it once, as most of the songs are impossible to appreciate on first listening. Everyone I’ve given copies to said it took root somewhere between five and seven listens to really dig it. Nobody wanted Bryan to leave the band, least of all Ritchie, and this album is an intense tribute to their unbreakable bond. I assume. Roger T Larique, Long Beach UNIMPRESSED I FOR ONE was almost as unimpressed with your review of Here Flows the Forest River as I was with the album. Everybody knows the true dynamism and vision came from Bryan. Now he’s moved on the only thing real fans – like me – can do is save their money and await his forthcoming album Tantric Candle, out soon on Gandalf Records and available in all good specialist interest record stores - just $5.99! Janet Canterbury California WIZZY SMUDGE IN THE MAY ISSUE of ZIPPER you showed a photograph of Wizzy Stardust in a crowd of fans, kind of squashed against a big dude in a t-shirt. The caption was ZIPPER

Starman meets Pieman. Well, I am that big dude and if anybody wants to buy that t-shirt then feel free to make me an offer. It hasn’t been washed since that day and there is a visible make-up smudge where his face got sort of trapped (you can totally tell it’s him in the right light). No time wasters please. Wilf Groob Phoenix City FRINGE INTEREST I WOULD LIKE to draw readers’ attention to a startling realisation I have recently made. Has anybody else noticed the stark trend between the popularity of fringes and the escalation of the conflict in Vietnam? Think about it. 1964, hardly any fringes. Most kids wore their hair parted at the front or side. It is now 1972 and not only are darn fringes everywhere but the war rages on. Coincidence? Discuss. Harold Dwight Idaho FURRY FASHION I COULDN’T BELIEVE my eyes when I saw Jerry Sphinct of Los Candelos photographed in THIS MAGAZINE wearing fur lined bell bottoms? Seriously? Say it ain’t so. I am appalled. It’s disgusting that he would wear a dead animal, but if any living creature deserves to be shot and worn decoratively it’s the talentless color-blind cretin that designed them. Flowers Newton New York UFOLOGY I’VE BEEN A KEEN READER of ZIPPER since the early days and I’d like to say keep up the good work fellas. You’re real professionals. However, I recently

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DON’T MISS “CANDLES THAT BURN TWICE AS BRIGHT BURN HALF AS LONG” — Exclusive interview with Mexico’s premiere pyschedelic sibling quartet Los Candelos. A NOD IS AS GOOD AS A WINK TO A BLIND MAN — Frank talking from the Topanga svengali Wink Walker on why he’ll never work with Gandalf Records again. THE ROAD TO RECOVERY — Staff writer Edgar Cook flies over the cuckoo’s nest. An incredible story of derring-do and crushing boredom as he tells of his escape from a mental asylum in Utrecht.

Who do you think invented the mother of all sandwich toasters?

had an experience in the Arizona desert that leads me to believe that you may be being deceived. I suppose the best way to describe it is that a vessel, not from this planet, made contact with me. I was experimented on and subjected to horrible, agonising pain, but on the bright side among those on board were Jerry and Janis. They opened my eyes to some pretty weird stuff, man. For a start 40-50% of all modern rock isn’t written by musicians at all. It’s the visitors that do it all by computer. I just thought you should know. Also, they said Twinkies are made of old sneakers. D Crosby San Francisco MAGIC MUSHROOMS I DON’T WANT TO FREAK ANYONE OUT but the other day I discovered that if you play the album Black Cat by Witches Hat backwards you can clearly hear a melancholy voice reciting a recipe for mushroom steak sauce in the background. It sounds delicious, but I’m a little afraid of trying it in case it’s black magic or something. Has anyone on the magazine ever heard the voice or tried the recipe? Twisty Gomez Albuquerque FATHER FIGURES I DON’T READ ZIPPER but a friend told me that you’re supposed to be interviewing Witches Hat pretty soon. If you see Lips could you tell him that Mandy from Winnipeg is going to get a paternity lawyer on his ass unless he starts returning her calls. Thanks. Talula Pinkerton New Jersey

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THE DEVIL’S IN THE DETAILS I WOULD JUST LIKE to say that the fact checking leaves a lot to be desired in your publication these days. I don’t know what buffoons are given the keys to the typewriter room but in your last four issues I’ve spotted no less than 52 mistakes. For a start, the interview with the Yellowbirds stated that Glenda Bleckhardt was their third lead singer, when in fact she is the fourth. A little research would have told you that Fran Pickles of the Igloo Dames filled in at the end of their 1970 Ohio tour when Kim Kaltrone’s larynx exploded. And the same eagle eye failed to spot

that your Highly Strung article claimed Urt Walker from Man Spider favors Ernie Ball Slinky’s when in fact it’s well known he favors Super Slinky’s. Rock music is and always will be rooted in precision craftsmanship, something your editorial team seems to have forgotten. Greg Whitehead Seattle GRUBB? IS TIMOTHY GRUBB a real person? Seriously? Please confirm or deny this, as it’s freaking me out. Dick Harbuck Philadelphia Sorry Dick, at the time of going to print we were still unsure. FUTURISTIC I KEEP HAVING THE WEIRDEST DREAM… I’m reading ZIPPER Magazine in bed, only instead of a paper magazine it’s appearing on the screen of a tiny foldaway TV set which I can control by pushing my finger on the screen. Then I look up and Stacy Baker’s in the bed next to me wearing antlers and playing La Cucaracha on a slide whistle. You think any of it might come true? Because I freaking love Witches Hat! Dick Harbuck Philadelphia BLACK AND WHITE AS A PIANIST, I’ve always said that if you want to make beautiful music, you must play the black and the white notes together. But I can’t help feeling that Witches Hat have taken my credo a little too literally with Here Flows the Forest River. Playing all the black and white notes together at the same time doesn’t make beautiful music. It makes a mess. And I do not like mess. On a more positive note, your recent article on microphone technology was both fascinating and informative. Dickie N Washington *** As promised, the writers of all letters published in this issue will receive a signed copy of Here the Forest River Flows by Witches Hat. Letters published in our next issue will receive signed copies of Bryan Diamand’s forthcoming LP – Tantric Candle courtesy of KLVC RADIO . ZIPPER

View from the Canyon

FLARED PANTS Can save your life

A TOPANGA CANYON MAN slipped 25 feet down a ravine while attempting to elude a local police officer after a fight broke out at the Roadhouse Bar when he refused to pay his $23 tab. When the police found him, Jed Herms, 26, was hanging precariously from a branch. His bell bottoms’ pant leg had caught onto a branch, breaking his fall. “Those flared pants saved his life,” insisted Detective Tom Burt. While his leg was severely scratched, remarkably, Herms suffered no other injuries. Herms was ordered to pay back the 23 dollars and sentenced to 350 hours of community service for disturbing the peace.

NUDISTS CHASED INTO TOWN By angry coyotes

Reporter Lisa-Lou Cash with all the latest news and views direct from Topanga Canyon.

WAVE OF UFO ACTIVITY Hits Topanga Canyon

STRANGE ACTIVITY was reported in the skies above Topanga Canyon on the night of June 20th. From 9:30pm to 11:30pm calls came pouring into the local police station. In total 23 UFO sightings were reported that night according to Officer Dean Roberts. The most bizarre came from a couple that claimed their car was chased by three flying objects as they drove up Canyon Blvd. “At first I thought, ‘Oh, maybe Hollywood is making a movie.’ But then we noticed the damn thing didn’t make any noise. We lost complete control of the car and it lifted us up into the sky. Yes that’s right, it lifted us right up off the ground. I’ve never been more frightened in my life.” recounted Topanga resident Laurence Oliver. ZIPPER

A GROUP OF 20 NUDISTS who had gathered to celebrate the full moon with a drumming session last Sunday were chased into town by a pack of angry coyotes. “It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen”, said local Julia Landon. “They came rushing down the hill butt naked. I wanted to help them but I couldn’t stop laughing.” Car horns eventually scared the coyotes away. A laughing epidemic quickly spread through the canyon. Echoes of laughter could be heard all through the night. The epidemic wasn’t contained until the following morning. The nudists refused to comment on the story.

LOCAL ARTIST WINS LOTTERY Not once but twice!

WHEN WILL PIMPLE REALIZED he had won 25,000 dollars, not once but twice, he started howling like a wolf. Pimple, an artist who lives on the Morning Star commune nestled in the woodland hillside up on Topanga Canyon, received two lottery tickets from his girlfriend, Nancy Parker, as a birthday present. “The first time I couldn’t believe it,” said the twice-lucky winner.

“The second time, I thought “God’s on my side.” When asked what he planned to do with his winnings he said: “We’re going to build a yoga studio and outdoor lavatories for the community. Then maybe we’ll sail around the world?” The odds against Pimple winning one million dollars in both games were a daunting one trillion to one.

LAVA LAMP EXPLODES

Burns local in his sleep BOBBY FALLS, AGE 32, is yet another victim of a lava lamp accident. The lava lamp, which he bought at a garage sale for two dollars the week before, exploded in his bedroom while he and his girlfriend were sleeping. When the glass shattered, the oily liquid went flying all over Falls’ back. Jenny Jones woke up to her boyfriend screaming from pain. “You can’t trust anything that’s manmade,” she said. Falls is currently recovering from 2nd degree burns. Several hundred injuries involving the “lava” filled light contraptions have been reported in the state of California this year alone.

MEET PETE THE PARAKEET Topanga’s newest hero

A BURGLAR who was attempting to rob a house at 3am on June 4th was deterred by the sound of a dog barking. Only it wasn’t a dog barking, it was a parakeet, mimicking a dog. Meet Topanga’s newest hero, Pete, a 3 year old blue crowned green parakeet. “People always told me he didn’t quite sound like a dog, but I always felt he did,” said Pete’s keeper Bob Wilson. He explained: “His previous owners had a dog and so Pete picked up barking.” Wilson was awoken by the barking but didn’t think anything of it until the following morning when he noticed some broken glass on the floor. The intruder had taken just three steps before turning back in his tracks, leaving a trace: three muddy footprints. He was wearing Wurkensnocks, size 11 and is still on the loose. 11

Hey! Doncha Ever Listen to the Radio? DAN ’S

Morning Surgery Forget about your alarm clock and get woken up with a humongous dose of medicinally, melodic music. The Doc’s bedside manner will have you back in the land of the living even though his jokes and novelty records might make you a little sick! His stereophonic stethoscope has picked out the latest easy ear pleasers to provide the soothing antidote to all your musical, morning maladies. Tell us what gets Dr. Dan out of bed in the morning? My team of nurses of course! A quick yank on the old emergency cord and I’ve got a team of candy stripers at my bed. Once they’ve found a pulse, they’ll give me the old CPR, (that stands for Cereal, Pants and a Rub-down). Then they’ll lead me out on the gurney and straight into my musical operating theatre here at KLVC.

ON B R OD S Y’ CK

Jock Spot Time out! Put that cheerleader down, give your teammate a pat on the fanny and hit those showers: Jackson’s Jock Spot is here! The home of homerun hits and tunes to touchdown to, this is a marathon race of muscle-bound music where J.B. our star of the track (and tracks) always comes first! When did you realize you were a jock? I guess it was back at college when I was chugging down my second keg of beer, while dressed as Julius Cesar and throwing javelins at the TV. I’m pretty sure if the ancient Greeks had access to such equipment that would have become the ultimate sports event.

How long have you been at KLVC? How long’s a catheter tube dude?

Are there any sports you don’t enjoy? Hmmm… oh yeah, Soccer. I mean what the hell is that? Until I went to England I thought it was what girls who were too ugly to be cheerleaders did but apparently the guys over there play it too! At least I think they were guys.

How do you decide what to play on your show? Waking up to a typical morning show is just like coming round from anesthesia, whereas my show is more like being in a coma.

Is there a sporty vibe in the studio during your show? Oh sure, I love playing frisbee with records that have lame lyrics and don’t have a winning attitude. Then they get slamdunked straight in the trash!

What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you while on air? Sometimes the delicious Dusty Devine will drop by and play the kind of pranks on me that only a really close and understanding friendship can appreciate. Just last Tuesday she threw a mountain lion cub in my studios and switched the lights off! I don’t know who ended up with more scratches, me or the records! She’s always breaking foul on me!

What’s the craziest thing that’s happened to you on air? One of my tube socks got caught in the eight-track machine while I was doing my weekly live chin-up challenge feature and I totally wiped out. I only came to just as “Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” was fading out. For safety reasons we’ve changed the feature to turntable rodeo, where a famous sport star comes in and controls the speed and so far I’ve not broken anything except a couple of Witches Hat albums. ZIPPER

Turn on, tune in and get like totally wired to Zipper’s favorite station KLVC. Our dial remains permanently stuck to the raddest radio in rock ‘n’ roll (and that’s not just because we spilt glue on it). So here is a brief introduction to the sound sorcerers manning the KLVC airwaves, four bodacious DJs who will blow your minds as well as your speakers.

NY ON

R O CK ’S

Y D EVIN E T ’S US

Highway to Heaven

Dusty‘til Dawn

Change lanes as much as you like but make sure you keep it locked to Jonny Rock on KLVC’s fast paced drive-time slot. A seasoned rock veteran of several world tours, he survived a life on the road with his old band Tear Jet and has the flashbacks to prove it. Expect to hear unadulterated, uncut, 100% pure face-melting R.O.C.K. of the highest quality.

There’s only one lady who can take you all the way, who’ll keep going until the sun comes up and that’s the dark and delicious Dusty Divine. Once you’ve spent the night with this sweet soul sister your mind, your body and your soul will never be the same again.

What kind of car do you drive? A mustang. I like my cars like my women, named after a type of horse and with a real hot bonnet. What do you remember of the sixties? I remember jamming and finding “the lost chord” with Jimi one day then realizing that no one had pressed “record” but that’s about it. Did we ever land on the moon? We’re big fans of Tear Jet here at Zipper. Will the band ever reform? As soon as Clive moves out of that haunted castle we’ll talk but until then no way Jose, the curse remains. Do you ever play your own records on the show? Hell yeah! In fact I like to end the show with one of my numbers and if I have a guest in the studio then we’ll open up a bottle of bourbon, get my axe out out and have what I like to call a “serious traffic jam.” What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you while on air? I forgot my shades once and got so confused I caused a pileup in Fresno during the traffic report. I now keep a spare pair in the studio. ZIPPER

How do you know if you’ve got soul? Soul is like an Afro, you’ve either got one or you don’t and I’ve got one baby. Is there a man in your life? I’d rather live outside of the bondage of male indoctrination and the shackles of female enslavement. That said, if Marvin came knocking I’d be all over him like a cheap kaftan. Any advice for your single listeners? Fight.The.Power. Are you a fan of any DJs on KLVC? They’re all cool apart from one, man what a sucker! Now I ain’t gonna name names but the next time this cat attempts to hit on me with his lame medical procedure jive, he’s gonna wind up needing some serious pain-killers, you dig? What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you while on air? The FBI broke the door down during a show once. Turns out they were looking for some brothers I knew from the Panthers. I managed to keep them at bay with some sweet Kung Fu moves and my chunky wooden necklace. The boppers listening at home didn’t even notice, they just assumed all the noise was a new JB live album.

ZIPPER

DUTCH COURAGE KEEPING UP IN AMSTERDAM On Tour with Witches Hat

ZIPPER

With a brand new album out and the turbulent exit of frontman Bryan Diamand well and truly behind them, Witches Hat are back. Here’s what happened when staff writer Edgar Cook got familiar with America’s number one psychedelic-folk-blues-skiffle act on tour in Amsterdam.

THE HISTORY 1964 School friends Ritchie Talarico and Bryan Turtleton form Dirty Wurds in Bryan’s bedroom 1966 Dirty Wurds sign to Octagon Records 1967 Dirty Wurds have a top 5 hit with ‘Mind Potato’

“HOW STRONG DO YOU WANT IT?”

’ve always been a big fan of Witches Hat, ever since they were still Dirty Wurds in the late ’60s. I was still a teenager when Mind Potato was released, and it completely rewrote my musical DNA. Many inner parts of my mind are still potato shaped even now. So how did I feel when I was asked to join my heroes on tour in Amsterdam? Among other things, apprehensive. Legends or no, Ritchie, Stacy and Lips are famous for burning out unsuspecting journalists who try to keep up when they party. (Rumour has it a French reporter they invited bowling whilst on tour in Paris lost a testicle). Not only that but nerves were bound to be raw. Their new album Here Flows the Forest River (their first since Bryan Diamand’s overnight departure in 1970) has bombed everywhere except the Netherlands, where it’s flown up the charts. With potentially hostile crowds at the Party In Your Pants festival on their horizon, was I stepping into a psychedelic nightmare of bad history or getting a window into one of the greatest rock metamorphoses of all time? WELCOME TO AMSTERDAM I fly out from JFK, around the same time Witches Hat are taking to the stage at the Bravo Lounge, just outside Brussels. It’s a mandatory destination, despite its small size, thanks to being the very first

non-US venue the band ever played. When the hazy notes of Mind Potato ripped through the rafters, history was made and it’s now Belgium’s 14th most popular wedding venue. When I land, Schipol Airport is alive with whispers of what went down. I can’t understand much, but I recognise the freaky looks in their eyes. It’s the same look I’d had after listening to my brand new copy of Black Cat for four hours straight whilst staring into a mirror. These people had been on a journey, one I would be going on myself that very evening. It’s no surprise that the tour bus isn’t in the pre-arranged location outside Dorothy’s Flying Hash House. I was going to have to track them down. I tell my cab driver to follow any weird vibrations, but he says they are probably hanging out in the poppy fields so we go there. 20 minutes later we find the bus napping amongst the flowers. The guys wave me in, bleary-eyed but happy after a night taking 400 Belgian rock fans to another dimension. “You hungry?” a shirtless Lips shouts to me. They’re eating grilled sandwiches, as they do after every live show. Stacy is a confirmed obsessive and his collection of lovingly acquired vintage grilled sandwich machines is coveted by dozens of museums. “They want to stick ‘em behind glass, but that’s not what my babies were made for man”, Stacy drawls as he begins preparing my Stilton and Pastrami on the

1968 Industry legend Wink Walker convinces Bryan and Ritchie to form a new line-up with Red Cassidy and Stacy Baker previously of ‘Dancing Bear Boys’. Witches Hat are signed to Gandalf Records and Bryan Turtleton becomes Bryan Diamand 1969 Witches Hat go straight to the top of the charts with their debut LP, ‘Black Cat’ 1970 The band open for the Mossy Stones at the Arizona Rock Festival, but Bryan never makes it onto the stage. Three months later, Bryan returns from an Ashram in Rishikesh with his new ‘spiritual partner’ Evelyn Apple 1971 Witches Hat continue without Bryan. Ritchie becomes the new lead vocalist and writes their second album ‘Here Flows the Forest River’ 1972 The album is released, but sales and critical reception are poor. Fortunately the LP is a hit in the Netherlands and the band embark on their first European tour ZIPPER

Flower children - Witches Hat take a stroll in the 4th best enchanted forest of their tour so far ZIPPER

Oh the river flows...

ZIPPER

“THEY WANT TO STICK ‘EM BEHIND GLASS, BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT MY BABIES WERE MADE FOR MAN”

Where the other magic happens

pre-war limited edition Buchelli he’s chosen for this tour. Apparently it used to belong to Kirk Douglas. “How strong do you want it?” This is a trick question. I’ve heard Stacy likes to experiment with leaving different blue cheeses out in the sun to enhance their hallucinatory properties. I play safe and go for weak. Today it’ll be just the four of us. They’ve given their crew and manager Don Haywire a well-earned day off. I consider for a moment that it would have been in intimate conditions such as these that school friends Ritchie and Bryan Turtleton first formed Dirty Wurds in Bryan’s bedroom. Ritchie Talarico, then an awkward flautist planning on following his father into dentistry, left everything behind to join Bryan. It took several years of intense practice and song writing for the two to transmogrify into the outfit that Octagon signed in ’66. Years that Ritchie is famously cagey about. Mind Potato made them household names, but their spooky, penetrative sound was missing depth and muscle, and the ornately decorated Tuxedo look wasn’t right. Enter stage left, Wink Walker. Industry legend, production genius and the man who introduced Bryan and Ritchie to bassist Red ‘Lips’ Cassidy and drummer Stacy Baker from the recently imploded Dancing Bear Boys. It was a master stroke. The all-American 20

long-haired line-up instantly conjured up a modern rock classic – Black Cat. Written by Ritchie and Bryan in an abandoned Salem schoolhouse, and recorded by Wink at his self-built Smoking Finger Studio in LA, the album topped the charts and inspired dozens of imitators. Their sound blended the very best of East Coast eight part folk harmonies like The Grape Thieves with mind-bending guitar noodling from the 4th dimension a la The Greg Haversage Quartet. It was a magical formula, that reinvented psychedelia for a whole new audience. The band was tight knit in every way. In photographs from the time almost every one shows Ritchie with an arm around Bryan. Now, contemplating a plectrum in the corner of the tour bus, Ritchie seems adrift, awaiting something just out of view. My sandwich is good and I savour it while Lips and Stacy wash up singing falsetto harmonies of Tulips in Amsterdam. So far at least, it’s definitely not the mind-bending party I expected. But this is Amsterdam. And more importantly, this is Witches Hat. Anything could happen. TALKING IN TONGUES For the interview we head for De Wallen, where the best cafés are according to Lips. Ritchie remains pensive, and

when I ask Stacy he tells me he is probably writing a new song in his mind. “Like Mozart, you know. He just figures it out while sitting there. Doesn’t need to write any of it down.” Occasionally Ritchie’s eyes twitch and he seems to mime playing a little guitar. It’s like watching a shaman. Lips leads us through the streets, giving us a guided tour of local history on the way. He’s very well read and knows these streets like the back of his hand. “I’m writing my Ph.D. right now on medieval lute string innovation, and there’s quite a bit about Holland.” Eventually we settle on the Palace of Tongues where Lips orders four beers with a few extras. Relaxed at last, I feel I can start to get inside their heads a bit more. I ask the band how they felt the gig went last night. “It was a great show,” says Ritchie, almost too quietly to hear. “They love improv in the Netherlands, so we kind of pushed the flute solo.” I’m curious. The flute solo in Oh The River Flows (Reprise) on their new album is 13 minutes long. When I ask if it’s the longest they’ve ever done, they all laugh. “ Ritchie once soloed for 27 hours straight. It was when we were doing the Flavabowl in San Antonio back in ’70,” Lips begins. “He passed out around an hour and 25 minutes in from the heat, and was in a coma by the time we got him to hospital. ZIPPER

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Opposite: Ritchie practices his solo on some surprisingly appreciative tulips Right: The legendary Maloe Melo - Home of the Blues. And Holland’s smallest doorman Below: Looking down on Witches Hat - just like the US music press

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“POWERFUL ENERGIES WERE UNLEASHED MAN. POWERFUL. THAT’S ALL WE KNOW.” But the doctors said his lips wouldn’t stop twitching. In his mind he was still playing. He was just submerged inside the solo, y’know? The next night we brought him on stage with us on a gurney with his flute taped to his face. Right in the middle of Groin Weaver he snapped right back into it and finished the set. The crowd f***ing loved it!” The flute in question is now hung in the Cincinnati Museum of Rock Curiosities, next to Eric Clapton’s appendix. Ritchie owns over 40 flutes, ranging from one inch up to almost six feet, but only ever plays a reverse strung left hand Telecaster which he had specially made back to front by chief musicologist Larry Humm at Fender, a close personal friend of the band. According to Stacy his drums are dispatched to him bi-annually by a mysterious Soviet contact known only as Mr Skin, but I think it might be the cheese talking. I want to go deeper into their psyche and understand the true origins of the black magic that seems to run through this band like enchanted treacle. When Ritchie goes to the bathroom, I can’t resist asking Stacy and Lips what they know about those first mysterious days when Ritchie and Bryan first formed the band. “Powerful energies were unleashed man. Powerful. That’s all we know. They never talked about it much,” says Stacy. “But do you feel any resentment towards Bryan, for abandoning you?” I ask. “As a band, we love Bryan and understand that he had to do what he had to do,” Lips says, picking up a coffee spoon from the table. “But as a normal person, I would dearly like to introduce this spoon right here to his lower organs.” The look on Stacy’s face makes me think he’s witnessed something similar happen before. When Ritchie comes back we talk about the new album, their most poorly received work to date. Everywhere except here in Holland that is. “You’ve been accused of self-indulgent naval-gazing by some of the industry press, and a lot of your State-side fans. Was it a risk to release something so experimental?” “Experimenting is risky,” Ritchie says. 23

“ASK A SCIENTIST. YOU COULD GET BLOWN UP ANY MINUTE… BOOOM!” “Period.” “Ask a scientist,” Stacy carries on. “You could get blown up any minute. BOOOM!” There’s a vivid strain of the fantastical running through every crotchet of Here Flows The Forest River and as Ritchie talks it’s as if he’s been transported to a nether-realm, one where he is more at peace. Psychedelia, he says, is the ultimate art form, because it can never get boring. Artists can travel deeper and deeper and never stop finding new things, there’s no need for any other style of music to ever be invented. It’s a compelling argument. The album was recorded, it turns out, in an old stone mansion in New England, picked for the resonance of the stones which are pitched at a perfect B flat. “Whatever note you sing it sounds like a B flat. It’s incredible. We had to sand a bunch of stones down for the tracks that weren’t in that key, but the two that are sound unreal.” Ritchie and the band explain their own interpretations of the songs that mean so much to them, and so little to most music journalists. Goodbye Sweet Sage is a nod to an older period in human history, a wisdom lost. I Can Hear the Leaves Dreaming, is Ritchie’s ‘Within You, Without You’, a transcendental dirge loaded with Indian influence. When they finish I take the opportunity to explain my personal interpretation of their songs, that Goodbye Sweet Sage is a love letter to Bryan, and Oh The River Flows is about the energy and love that still pours out of the band, connecting them in spite of everything, and all the other songs are essentially musical questions, waiting to be answered by their lost brother. Even though Ritchie yawns and starts reading the menu, I can tell I’ve struck a chord. I’ve broken through to him at last. FIREWORKS We leave the Palace of Tongues like old friends. They goof around, pretending to sneak off on me a few times. Despite my reservations, I decide that sharing my 24

Ritchie starts work on their next album. ZIPPER

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This page (clockwise from top left) 1. Ritchie conserves energy for the gig. 2. Lips getting friendly with a potential seventh Mrs Cassidy. 3. Cheese dreams. (Bottom row) Bubble trouble and seeing double.

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Ritchie flute solo 1’18

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3’40

16’12

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“Fender Bender?”

opinions on the album was definitely the right thing to do. We agree to head for the venue, to finish the interview backstage at the Maloe Melo, where their tour will end. In a few days the band will return to the States for the first time in six months to headline the Party In Your Pants Festival. “What can fans expect in Topanga?” I ask Stacy. “Fireworks man!” he answers. As well as planning their most spectacular live act to date, they are all just looking forward to getting home finally. They all live in LA, but their home lives couldn’t be more different. When they land, Ritchie will return to his apartment above a Karate centre in Long Beach, Lips will join his wives at the Brotherhood of Divine Light compound in Mojave, and Stacy will go wherever he can. “What can I say? I love having sex with girls!” Amen to that. As soon as we walk through the door they are surrounded by groupies, and I’m just another face in the throng. It isn’t long before I hear the crowd outside reaching fever pitch, my signal that time is short. Just as I’m wondering whether I’ve missed my chance to ask any more questions, I turn to find them all stood behind me. Stacy hands me an exotic drink. “It’s called a Fender Bender. It’s the same color blue as the Strat’ Ritchie wrote Mind Potato on. It’s our tradition to have one before every gig. We had ours before, when you were writing in your notebook.” It’s a simple gesture, but one that I find surprisingly moving. It’s confirmation that I really did make a connection with them, deeper than I ever thought possible. I’d been filling Bryan’s shoes the whole time without even realising it. We say our goodbyes and as I take a seat and sip my Fender Bender, I get ready to enjoy the gig I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I REALLY CAN HEAR THE LEAVES DREAMING Carried along by the haunting guitar riff that begins Oh The River Flows I feel like I’m floating into the hot, highly charged crowd facing the stage. Looking up I see the band have quickly changed into costumes of vividly colored forest

animals, which strikes me as odd even for them. Around the stage a thousand lit candles give off a surreal acid glow, and as Stacy and Lips kick the song into gear a short, well-dressed man beckons me from the edge of the crowd and points at a tiny doorway. Before I can speak, he shoves me through and I’m swept up by a warm river, the color of candlelight. It carries me past neon trees on the edge of an electric forest, and it’s as if the leaves are asleep, and I can hear their dreams (predominantly about birds and sunshine) before finding myself at the feet of an old sage, who sings me a bitter-sweet goodbye song. The sage then climbs a giant lute string into the cheese clouds above me, but before he vanishes he tosses hundreds of magic seeds down all over the ground, which grow into a mighty crop of potatoes shaped like brains, which I farm contentedly for what seems to be 10 or 20 years. I’m just pondering what to do about an especially poor harvest when I awake to find the gig is over and I haven’t left my chair backstage. I have a locked spine and my shoes and socks have been stolen. I knew the Witches Hat gig would be unforgettable, though not because I would spend it on a subconscious journey inside the songs themselves. Who knows why it happened, I guess I just got too close. I went where the band themselves dwell, and what greater privilege could there be than an invite from Witches Hat to step inside their world and see where the magic happens. BON VOYAGE My attempts to telephone the band the following day were fruitless. Don Haywire tells me they are exhausted after a particularly intense performance. So I never got to thank them for embracing me into the group as one of their own. Fellas, if you’re reading this, thanks. Don’t worry about the terrible reviews and dwindling sales. You’re better than ever and you’re going to blow them all away in Topanga. *** Catch Witches Hat at the PARTY IN YOUR PANTS festival in Topanga Canyon on Saturday, August 17th. Be there or be square.

WELCOME TO MIRKWOOD RANCH At Home with Bryan Diamand

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Bryan plays his sitar, one of the few instruments he owns that he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make himself

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Opening for the Mossy Stones should be a seminal moment for any musician, but when that day came for Witches Hat frontman Bryan Diamand he had a more pressing engagement – with his soul. We caught up with him and girlfriend Evelyn Apple at Mirkwood Ranch, California, to see how it was going on the eve of his first ever solo project – Tantric Candle.

“LIFE IS LIFE. YOU CANNOT STYLE IT, LIKE A NAPKIN. YOU HAVE TO DRINK IT. LIKE CORDIAL”

t’s become one of rock’s greatest mysteries. Hours before Witches Hat were due to step onstage to play the 1970 Arizona festival, Diamand met Evelyn backstage and a profound awakening occurred that would break the band, but unite them as one of America’s grooviest couples. After two years in an Indian Ashram they’re back in LA, living on a ranch and enjoying the ‘richest vein of creativity in Bryan’s life’. Now, with his new album about to release, his old band are returning to just a few miles from his home to headline the Topanga Canyon Festival. Weird? Not at all, according to Bryan. Just another magical coincidence. Mirkwood Ranch is bathed in heat haze when I arrive, and it’s from this haze that an elfin apparition approaches. Adorned in flowers, Evelyn welcomes me into casa Diamand and offers me tea. ZIPPER: Yes please. What kind of tea do

you have? EA: It’s an African Boojo leaf tea, known

for its cleansing power. ZIPPER: Is it detoxifying? EA: Kind of. It can make you throw up,

but only if your body asks to be cleansed. ZIPPER: I see. Does Bryan drink it? ZIPPER

EA: Bryan likes to focus completely on his

inner state, so I remove all distractions, such as decisions about what to eat and drink. ZIPPER: Will he be joining us? EA: Yes. Soon. But Bryan is 24 days into a

vow of silence, so I’ll be answering on his behalf. Our lives are lived as one, we have no secrets. So you can ask me anything. ZIPPER: I see. How would you describe

your lifestyle here at Mirkwood? EA: Life is life. You cannot style it, like a

napkin. You have to drink it. Like cordial. ZIPPER: Or purging tea? EA: Indeed. We’re strict vegetarians, and

to live simply, but we’re still connected to the LA scene in a big way. We’re both very political, but we believe in the power of love more than traditional ideas of democracy. Most of what you would call a day we spend making love. Maybe 6 or 7 hours. When it takes physical form, we don’t need to move. The universe moves around us. But we have reached such a close tantric bond we can now make love without touching. Without even being in the same room. ZIPPER: Far out. So you can do it with

your clothes on? EA: Yes, but we don’t really believe in

clothes. Clothes are essentially lies. They serve a purpose, briefly, but they conceal the beautiful truth beneath.

we lead a deeply spiritual existence. We cherish the universe.

ZIPPER: How come you chose to live on

ZIPPER: What’s a typical day for you

EA: Mirkwood chose us. It’s like a living

both? EA: We don’t like the words day and

night. We try to liberate ourselves from the Western-circadian cycle of commerce. We dwell in golden light or silver light, and we sleep when we’re tired, we eat when we’re hungry and we try to just be. Bryan sculpts, I dance. We do our best

a ranch? It’s a very different vibe to India. breathing thing that takes care of us as much as we take care of it. There’s music in the soil. We were in Rishikesh and we knew it was time to move on, but we weren’t sure where. So we listened and heard the ranch calling us. It told us it was time for the man who lived here to move on. ZIPPER: Was he dying?

Bryan bestows the traditional Hindu greeting of respect, while Evelyn bestows the traditional English expression of contempt

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“EVERY LYRIC FROM THE ALBUM IS TATTOOED ON BRYAN’S LEFT THIGH. WE KNOW A YOGI WHO ALSO DOES MICRO-CALLIGRAPHY” EA: No, the ranch told us to help him

move to Nature Falls rest home. But he still has a strong connection to Mirkwood. They say he often talks about it. At this point Bryan enters and greets me in the traditional Indian way, palms pressed together. His flares swish soothingly as he calmly assumes the lotus position next to an enormous candle shaped like Buddha’s head. His expression seems to ask a question and answer one at the same time. ZIPPER: Namaste Bryan. Thank you for

joining us. Evelyn, now’s probably a good time to talk about music. The new album has been kept highly secret by Gandalf Records, a fact widely publicized by Gandalf ’s PR team. Did you work on it together? EA: Making music is very much like giv-

ing birth, pure pain and then pure bliss. I see my role as inseminator and midwife to Bryan’s labour. I sow the seed of inspiration, then when the time is right, Bryan opens the vagina in his mind and I help get out what’s in there. ZIPPER: Did you know Witches Hat have

an album out around the same time? EA: Really? No we didn’t. That is a beau-

tiful, magical coincidence. ZIPPER: How does Bryan feel about the

band now two years of water has passed under that bridge? EA: Bryan is full of love. ZIPPER: And what about the fact that

Witches Hat are playing a big festival like Party In Your Pants right in your backyard? EA: I personally am thrilled. Absolutely

thrilled. It’s so good to know the energy Bryan gave the band in the beginning is still flowing through them and carrying them on, despite such awfully depressing reviews and sales. ZIPPER

“WE CAN NOW MAKE LOVE WITHOUT TOUCHING. WITHOUT EVEN BEING IN THE SAME ROOM” ZIPPER: Can you tell me about the songs

on Tantric Candle? EA: They were all inspired by me, in dif-

ferent forms. Tantric lovemaking is an opportunity to transcend souls as well as bodies, and I often channel different men and women from the past. Each song uses a different experience as its starting point. There is a Native American Squaw named Little Moons. One of the songs is about her. There is also Juliette, a 19th Century Parisian prostitute, who inspired the song Rendezvous Rouge. The song Candlelight Empire is about an English Queen I sometimes channel. ZIPPER: There’s an interesting crossover

with candles, which also feature prominently in Here Flows the Forest River. EA: No there isn’t. ZIPPER: What kind of instrumentation

was used? EA: Bryan plays the whole thing himself,

This page: Different forms of gazing and tea brewing are just some of the ways Bryan and Evelyn pass the long silent days away. Opposite: Tantric fondle.

and only uses traditional Indian instruments, or ones we’ve made ourselves like this carrot whistle and Bryan’s coconut ukulele. Every lyric from the album is tattooed on Bryan’s left thigh. We know a yogi who also does micro-calligraphy. He is a living embodiment of his own art, which he could never be before. Plus it will come in handy for live performances in the future. ZIPPER: And yet it’s you who owns the

ferently through different people. I have a strong positive charge, whereas Bryan has a negative charge. I hold the copyright to protect his creative core. Bryan’s art is bigger than music. It’s so physical for us, we want to let others experience it physically too. That’s why actual Tantric Candles, in a range of scents, will be available mail order. ZIPPER: I know it’s still a difficult subject,

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but I wanted to find out what really happened at the Arizona festival in your own words? EA: Something awoke us. The night be-

fore the concert Bryan and I met in Dick Dagger’s dressing room. Bryan was helping Dick with a wasp that was stuck behind his curtain and as soon as I walked into the room I had this incredible connection with him. It was like I’d stepped inside his soul. It was beautiful, but it was sick. I knew then that he couldn’t play that gig. On the outside he was saving a wasp, on the inside he was crumbling like old bark. I had to save him. So we went to the most nourishing place in the world. Rishikesh. ZIPPER: You had been there before? EA: No but I had heard that somewhere. ZIPPER: And Bryan was nourished in

Rishikesh? EA: As soon as he stepped off the plane

I could tell that he was being revivified. He caught a quite aggressive skin condition about a week in, but then after that cleared up he found completeness. ZIPPER: You grew up in Canterbury, I

believe, and followed quite a few bands before Bryan and you found each other. What was that like? EA: The past is the past.

Your father is Edmund Crabapple, the British Petrochemical magnate. Has he helped inspire and advise you in your new business ventures? ZIPPER:

EA: I’m afraid Bryan is getting tired, we’re

going to have to leave it there. ZIPPER: One last question. Do you or

Bryan know what a Fender Bender is? EA: No. ZIPPER: OK. Thank you both for your

time. EA: Thank you.

Bryan plans to carpet Mirkwood Paddock with more than 3,000 hand-carved mushrooms by the year 1980.

***

Bryan’s debut solo album TANTRIC CANDLE will be released on Gandalf Records in the fall. 40

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Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get hemmed in by straight legs, all is not as it seams.

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Fashion goes in cycles, so why not recycle? Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right, all you need to avoid that bogue straight laced, straight leg look is some freak out fabrics and your Momâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s old sewing kit. Customization is the future, only squares reject flares.

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STEPS

to DENIM HEAVEN You will need:

Fabric

Pins Thread

➀ First locate the seam on the

outside edge of your jeans leg. Starting at the hem, use the scissors to cut the denim along the side seam. Cut as high as you want your flare to go, between 8–12” is probably okay.

Scissors Your old jeans Tape measure Sewing machine

➁ Using a piece of paper, create a

triangle as a template for your flare. The height of the triangle should be the length of the cut you just made plus an extra 1/2 inch. The extra allows for the seam. The triangle can be as wide as you would like your flare. The wider the flare, the better the pair.

➂ Now carefully pin your paper

triangle onto the piece of groovy fabric. Be sure to attach it as flat as possible to the fabric.

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➃ Grab your scissors again sisters! Keeping the

➄ Next, turn your jeans inside out and pin each side

➅ Keeping the jeans inside out, sew the long edges of

➆ Repeat the last step for the other leg. Turn your

fabric as flat to the table as possible: cut around your triangle. Repeat so that you have two identical groovy fabric triangles.

your fabric to the open seam of the jeans.

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of your fabric to the opening of your jeans. Make sure the grooviest side of your fabric is facing down.

jeans right side out. You now have a funky fresh pair of flares to get around town in. 45

p U e k a M e Out k a M to Grab your glitter as we catch a quiet and solitary moment with Lori Shakeshaft. A rare chance to rap with the Strip’s current queen of the groupies. We find her painting her nails and prepping for another night of hedonistic hotel hopping.

OK Lori, so what makes the perfect groupie? A combined love of music, men and just the right amount of chartreuse streaks in your hair. And what makes the perfect Rock God? Well for me it’s all about that pretty boy androgynous look with guys nowadays, if he ain’t a dead ringer for my older sister then he’s a cheese weasel and I’m outta there! There are a lot of chicks out there in groupie-land, how do you make sure you end up in the back of the limo? It’s all about the make-up; if you wanna make out and wake up at the Marmont your face has to fit. Care to give us some tips? I have to have Smokey Hollywood starlet eye shadow and ‘Cabaret’ skinny plucked brows; I mean have you seen that movie? Liza is to the max! I’d also recommend that you bogart that lip-gloss at ALL COSTS as those boys will try and steal it from ya, and lime sherbet Donne Bell ain’t cheap or easy to replace at 3am! Then comes the glitter, get yourself some choice glitter and cover yourself in it ’til you look like a space popsicle. 46

The cherry on the groupie cake is midnight purple or burgundy nail polish. I’m actually putting some on my toes now whilst I look up at my new poster of SHADE, have you heard of them? They’re awesome, one of them wears a top hat made out of stained glass windows on it and he’s only 37, watch out Roddy I’m comin’ to getcha! So where’s the best place to get picked up? Well I’ve been bought a lotta cherry cokes at Rodney’s Scottish Disco place, which is so caposhi right now but I’d still say the Hyatt or should I say ‘the riot’ is where most of the real action takes place. I’ve provided more room service there than most of the staff though the only tips I get are how to throw your TV set into a swimming pool (unplug it first). Where’s the most far out place you’ve made out with a rock star? The Ledgewater Hotel in Seattle. You know what we mean… The Ledgewater Hotel in Seattle… on a bed filled with octopuses, octopuses dressed as British Beefeaters. Anyway I gotta go, my mom is banging on my door as she just found my fake ID! Catch you on the flip side! ZIPPER

HERE FLOWS THE FOREST RIVER Side A 1. Goodbye Sweet Sage 2. Oh the River Flows 3. I Can Hear the Leaves Dreaming 4. The Color of Candles Side B 1. Oh the River Flows (Reprise)

1:22 4:38 6:57 3:14 18:43

OUT NOW ON GANDALF RECORDS

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Albums as we’re soon back hurtling headlong into the future with a frantic barrage of gamelan gongs and flute driven numbers. I’m a happy convert to this accomplished body of fresh new work though it would appear JC have inadvertently created another new sound. It’s the sizzle and crackle of the nineteen sixties being thrown mercilessly onto a bonfire whose flames are fanned by synthesizer stabs and the spirit of the age. JS

Jefferson Candle Mellow Aeroplane LP (Wax and Wayne) HIPPIES LOOK AWAY NOW as those of you who’ve being holding a ‘candle for Candle’ since their lysergic San Fran heydays may be in for one hell of a big surprise. Their mellow aircraft has finally landed but it’s in a place you ain’t ever been before dude. After a four-year hiatus the winds of change certainly haven’t blown the candle out but it’s flame is glowing a seriously different color man. Gone are the wide-eyed optimistic anthems of their Haight & Ashbury years, replaced by a sound that’s forsaken their traditional axe work for space-age jazz grooves, using modern implements such as Moogs and Mellotrons. The woozy timpani infusion of side one opener ‘Frag Chaclate’ is a portal into a whole new dimension of Jefferson Candle that builds and builds throughout side one. From the swooning electronic opus of ‘Rushtopia’ to ‘Angels make biscuits for Saraswati’ this new sound hits you like the crashing spire of a toppling, glass cathedral. Side two continues in a similar vein, careering headlong into wild newly discovered, sonic soundscapes. There’s a short break of rapid run keyboard riffs and a welcome flashback to the old days on the acoustic track ‘Arskiss’ which is a genuinely mellow affair. However this doesn’t last long ZIPPER

Queer Lodgings Misty Mountain LP (Gandalf Records) THOUGH IT TOOK me over half an hour to take the four goddamn discs from out of their goddamn quadruple goddamn gatefold covers (made entirely out of wicker) it seems the epic struggle between man and vinyl was a worthwhile one. Though missing their talented seven-foot tall bass player Geoff ‘Possum’ Nash (who appeared on their first two albums ‘Noridel Zeus’ and ‘Tinned Ambrosia’) who recently quit the band to concentrate on his first love of DIY trepanning, the album still retains the band’s signature sound of sweet, sonic subversiveness. Taking up the whole of side one, opening suite ‘Dew’ starts off in true Lodgings style with a haunting combination of Theremin, Tibetan nose flutes, church bells and what sounds like the frantic yet rhythmic beating of a peregrine falcon’s wings. Though that beating sound is (I’m reliably informed) actually the sound of leader singer Hope Grindleford trying to put out his cape, which caught fire due to a misplaced pipe during a late night recording session. The other seven sides are of a similar epic and ethereal quality, with the jazzy Jew’s harp solo on side six track ‘Holding the swan’s neck’ a particular far out and enjoyable paean to the pleasures of breeding wildfowl and playing chess. Prior to this release there was no blueprint for anyone hoping to make a four disc album entirely

from the perspective of a magical three eyed shrew but fear ye not for ‘Misty Mountain’ delivers that very blueprint on scorched parchment and tied with a silken ribbon no less. JS Derek Ray and May Bedside Table, Fireside Fable LP (Ploughman Records) WHEN YOUR DEBUT has hit heights higher than the sun and your follow up danced with the devil, maybe it’s natural that a third effort sits somewhere between. Dominant Derek Ray’s towering vocals once again hold together a collection of songs which are mostly weak but great fun nonetheless. Having recently given birth to her sixth son, Derek’s wife May Ray appears rarely. Following her wailing and ethereal performance on the last release maybe this is a good thing. The album’s title track is the standout song, closely followed by the intricate Cracklin’ Susie, in which Ray refers to his young daughter’s penchant for pork rind. Ray can be serious too though, something demonstrated well in the penultimate track, entitled ‘Silence Silas’. While Ray has remained tight-lipped on the inspiration behind this haunting ballad, those closest to him point to a bothersome elderly neighbour in Ray’s hometown of Crispbread Falls, Wyoming. By the time a third release comes around, most artists will begin to experiment and the fact Derek Ray chooses not to leaves me if not cold, just a little lukewarm. That’s fine with me though. And fine with Ray too, I expect. In summary, this is just fine. AS Shiva’s Children Autumn’s Child LP (Mellow Hill) I’VE TRIED listening to this perplexing and puzzling LP on 33, 45 and even 78rpm but I’m zonked if I can work out the correct speed Shiva’s offspring intend 49

Albums (cont.)

for it to be played at for optimum, astral-projecting pleasure. Sure I know all LPs are usually 33rpm but on listening to it at this speed I swear I’ve had DMT experiences that have felt shorter. Yet on 45 RPM the monastic chanting reminded me of Snagglepuss having an asthma attack and on 78 RPM it sounded more like Shirley Temple being accompanied by Jerry Lee Lewis, a scenario not that difficult to imagine for one of the aforementioned. Maybe I’ll just look at the flaming sea dragons on the cover for an hour or two and come back to you with my thoughts or maybe I’m just not one of Shiva’s children. JS

The Keseyan Trip Shadow Blue LP (Furthur Productions) ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. Gather round, all you fans of the Shuffling Appalachians, the Four Whiskers, the Blues Pupils, and the Blue Jean Fever, ‘cause the Trip are ready to give you a lesson in rockin’ rhumba piano, like you never heard before. In a time when formerly exciting blues groups have gone musically soft, if not well on the road to outright senility, making the moniker of blues rock almost a contradiction in terms when applied to old survivors form the Sixties it’s a relief to know that we can still rely on 50

Keysian Trip to be as bluesy as an Alaskan Grandma’s toes. There are no synthesizers here, no dragging up, no wizards, no lute solos, just the kind of sounds that you’d sell yours, mine and everyone else’s soul to the devil for just one more listen of. The alarming news this morning that all four members have been abducted by aliens whilst backpacking round Yosemite would have been an even bigger tragedy had they not released this fitting vinyl epitaph beforehand. Somewhere out there in space, the best blues band in the universe is warming up to play the hottest concert in the galaxy. I just hope that they have Southern Comfort out in space. JS Queen Beatrice Make Yourself Useful LP (Busy Bea Records) THIS RECORD is a real blast. From the whirlwind opener Birth Control Blues to the finale provided by 11m 33s of melodic meanderings in Play Chicken, this is a welcome return to form for Queen Beatrice, real name Kathleen Creeme. In a production which sits well alongside her far out live performances, Make Yourself Useful will surprise even the most ardent fan. Having flaked off for 3 years on what she has since called ‘Work Experience’, there’s a renewed appetite in Bea’s work, which is ironic given her well documented issues with gout and strawberry shortcake addiction. Her health issues do nothing to take away from her bellowing vocals, though at times there’s a fragility laid bare, particularly in the slow number at track 6, entitled Buddha Baby. Now based in Frisco and living with her long time producer Epperson Arkansas, Queen Bea is back, quite literally making herself useful. AS Jelly Brain Plastic Rainbow LP (BFG) JELLY BRAIN have persevered. Their first record company (Arden of Eden) went

out of business, bile-tempered record reviewers slandered their early albums from here to Zanzibar, and their early tours were total duds. So wipe your mind clean of all you have ever heard and read about the new Jelly Brain. If you knew that once they worked as session musicians and songwriter for Australia kid’s TV show The Spunkees, forget that too. And although Plastic Rainbow comes with maybe the best set of liner notes you are ever going to find, don’t look at them. Instead hand this record to a friend and ask her to find the place in ‘Hasselback’ (side two, song three) where the first vocal ends and the instrumental xylophone break begins, while you go out of the room and wait. Have her turn the volume up loud, plenty of bass, and shout for you to come back in as that break starts to flow. I guarantee you will be converted to the church of the jellified brain from here on in. Danceable rhythms, catchy, winding melodies and a powerful arrangement of electric guitar and banjo make for a dramatic record. All of this making these comeback kids the ones to watch for 72. JS Una Gardenia Delightful Fingers EP (Foxtrot Records) A WELCOME RETURN for the former partner in rhyme of folk countess Cadence Carlisle, this debut EP is a short, sharp shock to the system. For the harmonious harp-play of yesteryear is gone - replaced by a tougher edge which no doubt echoes from Gardenia’s recent legal troubles. Her (financial) loss is our gain though, as she dips her toe into murkier waters than she has known - and been known for - before. Under the expert guidance of producer Paulie ‘Camper’ Van Cleef, Delightful Fingers charts the swift rise and gentle fall of Gardenia’s burgeoning career to date. Opening with the urgent melody ‘Unexpected Relatives’ there is little time for breath before the stand out track ZIPPER

‘Aluminum Cannonball’ demands attention from the listener’s every sinew. And from this humble reviewer it got that attention. As the foot tapped, the fingers clicked and the head nodded in recognition for Gardenia’s finest work to date. There’s an uncommon unity as Van Cleef manages to marry what seems to be a Celtic choral chanting with the intricate fretwork of Gardenia herself. And if you listen real hard there’s even a cameo from Lemon Curd vocalist Otis Stephanotis who repeatedly sings the words. Not previously known as an accomplished strumsmith, Gardenia manages to hit the heights several times in the chorus which beckons the listener to ‘Jump aboard the cannonball’. If only I could have. While the remainder doesn’t quite reach the heady heights, a warm afterglow from the opening two tracks is reason enough to return for more. Una Gardenia is set to take her EP on a short tour this Fall. Her delightful fingers will quite literally be a sight not to be missed. AS Los Candelos Los Candelos LP (Odiel Records) PLUNDERING WHAT does not belong to you is a crucial part of the piratical process of creating rock & roll: Exploiting proven riffs, phrases and hooks, then adding a few twists of your own – that’s how it works and that’s how it’s always worked. Only nobody made a big thing about it until Los Candelos came along. Following the Wildean concept that talent borrows and genius steals, Los Candelos are clearly in Einstein territory as they have not just copied their contemporaries sounds and influences but they have literally stolen their master tapes and made them their own on their eponymously titled album. I’m told by our legal department that I can’t review this LP as it’s stolen property, which is a darn shame because this is the best album I’ve ever heard, oops! JS ZIPPER

Singles example, are one of the few. Some people have called their recent work muzak, but if so, it is certainly a brilliant example of the genre. I fear many people though have missed the point entirely as Listen to the Pictures contains an irrepressible musical eccentricity with an exquisite taste for the hilariously incongruous and expertise at producing some of the lewdest noises ever enjoyed by teenage ears. Just listen to the pictures brothers and sisters, listen to the pictures, if this is elevator music then press every goddamn button for every goddamn floor and cancel all meetings. JS Otter’s Pocket Please Excuse My Face 7” (Gandalf Records) I NEVER FORGET a face but in Otter’s Pocket’s case I’m prepared to make an exception. I wouldn’t say their lead singer Mick Speednall was ugly but I heard when he was a kid they had to hang a pork chop round his neck to get his pet dog to play with him. So I guess we should respect his choice of lyrics (if not his genetics) on this pleasing ode to ugliness “I hit every branch of the ugly tree when I got pushed out by a chimpanzee” sings Mick, forcing the listener to wonder whether that chimp had A. something to do with his Mick’s conception and B. mistaken Mr. Speednall’s grill for a fellow primate’s nether regions and pushed him off in fear. In all fairness it’s a great upbeat tune and like the bands faces will work well on radio. If you do go to see Otter’s Pocket live, you might want to try and catch a rerun of Night of the Living Dead beforehand just to prepare your eyes. JS Lemon Dreams Listen to the Pictures 7” (Zodiac Camera) MUZAK ROCK is a difficult art. Because the line between soulfulness and boredom is often a thin one, few artists can pull it off. Lemon Dreams, for 52

Tangerine Drops I’m Six Years Ahead of My Time 7” (Octagon Records) THOUGH USUALLY a fan of baroque infused pop, I fear Tangerine Drops second outing on vinyl is a pale imitation of their previous top 40 hit Put a Proper Top On as once again we hear clavichords and harpsichords being gently played by men wearing cords. It’s not that the song itself doesn’t work, it just pushes the banality levels up to twelve and left me thinking if this is what we’re going to be listening to in six years times then now is the time to pray my numbers come up on the draft lottery as I heard Ho Chi Min hates anything with strings in. JS ZIPPER

Live Timothy Grubb (ex-member of Velociraptor) at The Village Fri, 26 May AS HIP AND HAPPENIN’ HOOTENANYS go, they don’t get much hipper than this one. Freshly released from the can and now clean as a penny whistle dipped in Drano, Timothy cut a solitary if sweaty figure up on stage without his old band members (one in the mortuary, one still in Alcatraz and the other lost to the Moonies) yet did not disappoint. Playing a mixture of classic Velo boogie joints including ‘Daddy works in the Air Force’, ‘Dead Telephone’ and ‘Bay Area Beelzebub’ alongside his new canon of work to impressive effect. Clearly sobriety suits Grubby as his days of playing his purple Strat in the foetal position whilst on stage are well and truly over. Though his trademark ‘one shoe on, one shoe off ’ look remains, it now feeling more like a well-loved gimmick rather than chemically induced forgetfulness. Closing the short but sweet set with an almost unrecognizable cover of the Appreciative Demised’s Bum’s Anthem followed by a heartfelt thank-you to the staff at Cedars Sinai, Kim Powltrey and Spiro Agnew, Tim then raised a can of soda to the crowd before exiting the stage without being on a gurney for the first time in his career. JS Shelly Sand at The Squared Circle Tue, 13 June OUTDOOR JAMBOREES are where it’s at this summer, and none more so than this impromptu performance by former Fleece Peace harpist Shelly Sand. Looking to make her name as a vocalist is a brave move but there is an uncommon charm in her fragile voice. Plus there’s real depth and strength in her lyrics. Yet to release anything of note, Sand used this as a showcase ahead of her EP entitled Against the Grain, out next month. And although the rough edges were evident, there was a real bonhomie amongst the audience, perhaps more due to the gig starting at 11pm. A nervy start was soon washed away ZIPPER

as Sand’s accomplished backing band launched into a rolling instrumental that must have lasted more than five minutes. All the while the lead singer pranced about the stage like a unicorn observing a fire drill. There was tenderness too, mid-set when Sand sang a sea shanty style song, performed in a novel way. She sat atop an upturned boat to the side of the small stage, looking not out at the audience but across the stage. The performance was more engaging than the song. In fact that’s a good way to sum up the entire 40 minute set. While there were pockets of promise, the actual music lacked the depth demonstrated in both Sand’s poetic lyrics and indeed her often energetic performance. Post-performance she claimed to be “finally making music which makes me happy.” The fact only half the audience stuck to paying full attention to the end suggests not everyone else shares that happiness. AS Arthur’s Sword at Squires Sat, 10 June HAVING A BRITISH passport is likely to guarantee any band the keys to the city of Angeles and it’s many delinquent daughters though I fear that Arthur’s Sword may be the exception to this long-term limey loving tradition. Despite walking out after ten minutes, I saw enough of this band to know that were they to ever sit down for tea and crumpets at the round table in Camelot, Excalibur would have been put to immediate use, swiftly eviscerating the strings of the lutes, guitars and harps that this shambolic ensemble attempt to play. Arthur’s Sword, you suck royal ass and if I had my way I’d lance the lot of you. Arthur is one night and knight that I’d like to forget to the mists of time. JS Wizzy Spacedust  at Apple Jack’s Thu, 22 June HAVING TOLERATED a confusingly erratic support slot from performance artist and experimental accordion player Damian Kawasaki, the young crowd

were still in good spirits before Iggy’s long-awaited appearance at Apple Jack’s. Though re-birth is perhaps amore appropriate word as the sight that greeted this highly anticipatory audience is one that will remain burnt onto all our retinas for a very, very long time indeed. From out of a smoke covered pyramid sprang the latest incarnation of pop’s new wunderkind ‘Wizzy’ like a Siamese pussin-boots with the kind of haunted look not seen around these parts since Lizzie Borden tried to open a hair salon. This resplendent and majestic vision treated the stunned audience to a forty-five minute star shower of vulpine glamour and drag rock-songs of the highest, camp-est quality all of which could be number one singles (except perhaps for the bewildering Lady Spacedust). By the finale of this all new material we were all as one and firmly under his Sphinx like spell. I floated out of the venue on a cloud of gender confusion with lyrics of Armageddon and feminist revolutionaries swamping my star-strangled brain I heard one spaced out Wizzy chick say “We’re just the Egyptians and he’s the Pharaoh” was she in denial? I don’t think so. JS Pete Gore and the Wigwam Band Crab Tavern Fri, 9 June IT’S A RARE THING to catch a band on the cusp of being big. There was a tangible ‘This is it’ feeling around the Crab Tavern as Gore and his band took to the stage. With a smoothed out sound echoing around an audience of bright young things plus a famous face or two, this is the future sound of the surf. While Gore made a name for himself ostensibly as a solo artist, the crashing sound of the Wigwam band accompanying him really adds another dimension to his work. And another dimension is his favoured destination as Gore’s famed nerd persona produces sounds few bands could ever hope to emulate. Psychedelia is alive and well it seems, albeit wearing a different hat and showing off a lot more. Catch them before you can’t. AS 55

Rusty Starr gives you the lowdown on what to expect this month. Will you be lucky in love or down in the dumps? Will a mysterious stranger steal your heart or maybe your wallet. Read on to find out.

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

DON’T STAY IN BED, unless you can make money in bed. You are passing through a rare and extremely lucky phase in the professional sphere. Reach for the whole nine yards! Hurry though - you won’t see this kind of stellar alignment for another 20 years. You have one month to act.

WHO SAYS you can’t have your cake and eat it too? This month, they’re wrong. Faced with a choice, do both. This is a typical Taurean metaphor for taking the bull by the horns. If you want something, go for it, the stars will make sure it all works out swell for you.

SOME PEOPLE will be upset by your actions this month. Ignore them, you can only be you. They will claim your Gemini genes mean you have more faces than a clock tower. Wrong! A clock tower usually has four, you only have two, and both are beautiful, man.

LIBRA

CANCER

LEO

THE MOON OF LIBERATION begins on the 2nd of this month. Stop looking to others to set your course, it’s time being. Set time this month to experiment with self-expression. Trust in the you of now. Also avoid cheese before bedtime and anyone named Clive.

WITH VENUS in your house of love all month you’ll have a sixth sense about what the opposite sex wants, and a seventh sense about how to go about giving it to them. Enjoy your passport to love, but use it don’t lose it. Like all passports it will expire.

YOU LEOS like to kiss mirrors a lot. This month the universe urges you to start kissing others. Look beyond yourself, you’ll see colors you never knew existed. Late in the month you will find a thing you thought you had lost. Might be a hairbrush, might be your mojo, the stars will decide.

VIRGO

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

THIS MONTH’S CELESTIAL ENERGY gives you the impetus to make a dream come true. What’s the one thing you want the most? Perhaps your dream partner will ride into town or you will win the jackpot. Tell the universe, it will be listening.

BEWARE OF PEOPLE you think are your friends but aren’t. If a person has caused you pain and suffering now is the time to reconsider this person’s value in your life. Don’t resist the truth. Ask your body or perhaps a parent or guardian.

THE ADVENTURES you thought you would never have the courage to attempt are suddenly within reach. In other words, the once inconceivable may become likely. Go on, run away to Paris, the stars want you to. Or just explore the woods naked. Do it because you can.

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

THIS MONTH, LOSE CONTROL in the name of fun. Nothing would be more healing than dancing. It’s time to dance yourself clean. As the great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said: “We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.”

PLATO SAYS love is a serious mental disease. Seek it anyway. Others say that happiness is a mirage. Seek it anyway. Do you understand what I’m saying here? Basically just do a whole bunch of seeking this month and things might be ok, you dig?

WHEN PEOPLE SAY you look like you’re off in some dream world, they’re right. And no wonder, if others could see the magic that you see, chances are they’d join you. Those who dream by day are aware of many things that escape those who only dream at night.

ZIPPER

LONELY HEARTS FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT so why not come to my place and get totally plastered? Well endowed rock Gods ONLY. Call me – Silvia the Plaster of Paris Princess. Box 143 “UNLUCKY IN LOVE, unlock me and shove.” Average female with lock and chain fetish seeks similar, or anyone really. Box 144

FLIPPER FREAKS, UNITE! Join the International Pinballers Association. For membership card, magazine and tournament plans, send $2.50 to IPA, Beverley Hills Los Angeles, CA 90210

BANJO PLAYING country boy seeks companion who likes nights out on the porch, makin moonshine and animal impersonations. Must enjoy the TV show All in the family, have a real pretty mouth and be at least 100 pounds overweight. Write me or my sister/momma but no joinedy up writin purleese. Box 145 OUTDOOR ENTHUSIAST seeks partner for field measuring fun. Are you a Hectare Inspector? Box 146 FIRST TIME EVER I saw your face, I ran a country mile. I sure wish I hadn’t now. Please get back in touch and this time I’ll stay. Roberta x. Box 147 MINIMALIST seeks woman. Box 148

X-RAY SPECS

Scientific optical principle really works. Imagine — you put on the “X-Ray” Spes and hold your hand in front of you. You seem to be able to look right through your flesh and see the bones underneath. Look at your friend, is that really his body you “see” under his clothes? Loads of laughs and fun at parties. Send only $1 plus 25¢ shipping charges. Money Back Guarantee. NORTHERN QUARTER PRODUCTS Dept 22LVRST Manchester N Y 11563

POEMS

WA N T E D FOR

SONGS & RECORDS

AMERICA’S LARGEST SONG STUDIO wants to see your material. No special training needed. Write the words as you feel them. We’ll inform you if they qualify for MUSIC and RECORDING. WE NEED SONG-POEMS. PROPER RECORDING STUDIOS, 101 Stockport, Boston, Mass 02108

DO YOU BELIEVE IN WHITE MAGIC?

Occult – Spiritual Supplies. Candles, Oils, Powders, etc. SPECIALS ! !

Voodoo Witchcraft Handbook, 48 pgs. Illustrated.....................$1.50 Haitian Love/hate Doll Kit with rites, Complete ...................$2.00 ESP Test Kit ... Self-scoring, Complete........................Only $1.50 Mystic Fortune Telling Cards, Fascinating!............................$1.50 (Please add 25¢ for postage and handling) Complete Catalog 25¢ or Free with order. UNICORN, CO. 1847 Albany, W Calif. 90046

WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD? My father, that’s who. Now he’s dead. He was rich. Now I am. Get in touch. Box 148 ALONE AGAIN NATURALLY if God really does exist then why did he desert me? Answers on a postcard to: G Sullivan. Box 149 ONE HELLUVA gorgeous chick seeks Texas Longhorn for midnight rendezvous. Box 150 I LIKE TACOS. Tacos and the movie Godfather. And hot air balloons. No weirdos. Box 151 STRAIGHT LOOKING lady required as escort for weekend trips to Columbia. Ideally a Spanish speaker who travels light with no criminal record. Contact us at the Mule for Love Agency Miami - 5336 or Bogotá - 345 200 for more details. BLACK MAGIC WOMAN aged 27 seeks man to make devil out of, preferably with own job, GSOH and clean fingernails. Definitely no married men. Box 666 DISNEY FAN seeks similar for nights in with Dumbo and the gang. No dwarves. Write me! S White. Box 152 SUGAR MAN won’t you help me? Because I’m trying to make a cake I can leave out in the rain. Get in touch. Gabriela x. Box 153

FAT, UGLY BELLIGERENT liar seeks opposite for nights in or out. Box 154 ME TARZAN, you Jane. Box 124. (Names other than Jane welcome, my real name is Chris.) Box 155 DO YOU KNOW the way to San Jose? I’ve been away so long. I may go wrong and lose my way. No time wasters. D Warwick. Box 156 HAVE URGE, NEED WOMAN. Is this you? Box 157 LIST YOUR TEN FAVORITE LPs. I just want to know if there’s anything worth keeping when we finally break up. Practical, forward thinking man, 35 seeks similar. Box 158 MALE, 6’ OR THEREABOUTS, dark hair, olive skin, fun, GSOH. Seeks alibi for night of 26th and/or companion for nights out and maybe something more. Box 159 BUSINESSMAN SEEKS FEMALE for serious relationship on long term contract. Duties will include housework, bedroom specific tasks, cooking and some cleaning. References required. Box 160

MUSICIANS WANTED WATCH YOUR BACK there’s some bad vibe merchants masquerading as music lovers in this section. Always let someone know where you’re going before attending any audition arranged by someone called Don. SIX FINGERED Hammond organ player (left and right hands) available for hire. I can hit the notes five fingered folk can’t. Box 161 ROCK N BLUES band wants singer. 16 – 21 & manager with connection for gigs and to ruin any chance of us ever making it. Jack – 5051 or Cory – 7723 DRUMMER WANTED for percussive excursion into the 12th dimension. Ideally someone born on the cusp of Aquarius/ Pisces, who is extremely comfortable around llamas and has their own van. No time wasters. Ring Mr Cheadle Heath on 4949 457 GROUPIES NEEDED for forthcoming tour of Great Britain, passport and full clean dental records required. Call Don on 8854. LEAD GUITARIST wanted to join new band, influences include MAYBE, Balrog City Rollers, Coven Ready Chicken and the Tolpuddle Tangle. Send demos to: ‘The Shire’ 899 Topanga Canyon Boulevard. ZIPPER

TABLA PLAYER required for leading mantra sessions and karmic workshops. Drop by the Sri Venkateswara temple for more info and free incense. Box 162 CLASSICAL CELLIST wanted for session work on symphonic rock album. Mabel Grier 823 7865 SAXOPHONIST AVAILABLE does anyone still make songs with sax in them? I’m learning the viola but gimme a break, I’m highly exp’d man. Squeezy Nadcheeks – 763 5413, SF SEEKING SOMEONE who can do a good Dick Dagger impression so I can leave a romantic message on my girlfriend Velma’s answer phone. Call Dirk Head on 456 8902 LEARN TO SHRED like a possessed polecat with our 24-hour intensive guitar lessons. We guarantee you will be a competent enough player to headline at the Whisky by sundown all for just $28. No cheques. Box 163 SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER. Rehearsal spaces now available at St Augustine’s Elementary. $6 an hour. No smoking or running in the corridors. Box 164 ZINC BALLOON are currently looking for a bass player, anyone seen him? Reward offered. Contact R. Bush. Box 165

HALF PRICE ZITHERS – Fretless, 12 string, Alpine & contrabass all going cheap. Hurry whilst stocks last. ‘These Foolish Strings’ music store, 775 Montagu Blvd., San Gab. Vly. BURN BABY BURN. Send 25 cents (refundable) for catalog of intense incense. Box 173 HYPNOSIS! STOP, WEIGHT A MINUTE! Lose weight the E-Z way with hypnotic record or cassette with free book. From $8. Box 174 FREE FUDGE IN TEXAS. Send $2 AND A PHOTO. Box 175 IN NEED OF A SECOND INCOME? If the answer is yes, please, please get in touch. Or don’t, either way it’s fine. Box 176 JESUS IS CALLING YOU! Will you pick up? If not, don’t worry, he is omnipresent. Look, there he is. He’ll be in touch. NEED NEW FRONT GRILL? Call Transcend Dental Inc. on 1-800-230-230. WIN A BICYCLE. You gotta be Schwinn it to win it! Send $2 and SAE. Box 177

SICK OF being given the old glockenspiel? Retrain as xylophonist. Send $2. Box 166

HONKY CHATEAU in Burbank available to rent, ideal for séances or skateboarding. For more information contact ‘Ramon’ via Ouija board.

SINGER WANTED for established project in Sacramento. Also organist, guitarist and drummer. Box 167

SIGNED SOCCER BALL. Unsure of name, could be Pele, could be Pete. Take a chance! Box 178

I’M 16 AND I LIKE ALL MUSIC. Looking for band to hang out with. P.S I’m a girl. Box 168

CHRISTMAS TREE AVAILABLE for hire between Jan and Nov. Lights and Angel included for FREE. Can deliver if buyer in walking distance. Box 179

I WRITE and perform all my own music and require fans to tell me I’m great. Male or female appreciated. Good rates of pay and perks for the right candidates. Steve Peeve. Box 169 MAKE UP ARTIST required for experimental group out of Bakerfield. Also, kettle drum for sale. Box 170 AMPS NEEDED for experimental rock igloo project in West Covina. Box 171 WANTED (BRAIN) DEAD OR ALIVE! We’re looking for technical crew and security for a forthcoming festival in the Canyon. All candidates welcome. Vietnam Vets/biker gang preferred. Box 172 TALENTED? DEPENDABLE? CLEANLIVING? If this describes you then forget about making it in music. Why not join the US Marines instead? Speak to your local Recruitment Officer now.

YARD SALE

SECOND HAND PASSPORT. Ideal for anyone with a moustache and the name Harvey Krantz II. Free death certificate for right applicant. Price on request. Box 180 FOUND: Dog or cat. Some kind of animal anyway. It’s furry. If this sounds like yours, leave a message at 555-2344-33 LARGE AMERICAN FLAG for sale. Several stars missing but otherwise in full working order. Pole not included. Box 181 FULLY STOCKED POET SHOP FOR SALE. Hamsters, rabbits etc all included. Also for sale, dyslexic self help book, never used. Box 182 LET OUR MAHOGANY fuel your monogamy. Buy your wife some nice furniture. Box 183

YOU SAY POTATO, I say tomato. Elocution lessons with Candy and Mandy. Free massage after your third session. Box 184 PALM SPRINGS. No not that one, free toy which bounces in your hand. Ideal for child or elderly relative. Free Skyhook with the first 100 orders. Box 185 DANA DANA DANA DANA BagMan! Satchels, fanny packs, daysacks, we got them all at BagMan. Commissioner Gordon says don’t be a joker and call in. Campers, Christmas Blvd., LA STEAM BOAT FOR HIRE. Suitable for parties, weddings etc. For a brochure call Smoke on Water 1-800-820-820 FLOWERS FOR YOUR HAIR. If you’re going to San Francisco. You know the rest. $2 per pack. Box 186 ARE YOU A BUDDING BUDDHIST? If the answer is yes, you need our fact pack in your hands. Send SAE. Box 187 YEAST FROM THE EAST. Home brewing kits from Boston Beer Co. Get off your rocks on your own stock. Call 1800 BEER BEER.

Centering with color An evening’s meditation with felt-tip or colored pencil. 12 beautiful designs on heavy paper. $1.75 + .25 postage. BEN’S BOOKS BOX 112 Smithfield, Ca. 95005

WHOLESALE CATALOG Incense, paper-accessories, blacklites-supplies, witchcraft, jewellery, leather, candles, India imports. (Dealers only)

COVEN MANUFACTURING CO. 5992 W Pipe Blvd. Los Angeles, Ca. 90035

Dealing? If you’re a head shop, Hi-Fi shop, boutique or other non-newsstand type shop and would like to sell ZIPPER, write: Distribution ZIPPER MAGAZINE 1155 Battery St, San Francisco, CA 94111 ZIPPER

Have you ever had a bad time in Levi’s ? ®

Made in the USA exactly as it was when first introduced in the seventies, the Levi’s® Vintage Clothing Orange Tab collection revives this family of true American classics and offers it up to a new generation of rebels and revolutionaries. levisvintageclothing.com/orangetab