April 2017 . Issue 6.4
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Steamboat Springs Hayden Oak Creek Yampa
5th Anniversary Issue
Photo by Paulie Anderson
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April 2017
Valley Voice
Feeling a little foggy in 2017? Do you desperately need some laughter, music, dancing and fun, perhaps mixed with a drink or 10? We understand, so we’re back and ready to bring at least a few hours of Super Fun to your New Year.
It’s Closing Time! You Survived Another Ski Season. Come Celebrate the Super Fun Way!
Come see us Friday, April 14, at 8 p.m., at the lovely Chief Theater. But we need your support to keep it all going! Get online at chieftheater.com or walk over to All That and get your tickets now! See what Super Fun is all about!
www.chieftheater.com 813 Lincoln Avenue 970-871-4791
Super Fun Steamboat Show
Back for 2017! Always with NEW material and guests!
Next Show:
Friday, April 14, 2017 Doors Open: 7:30 p.m. Show Starts: 8:00 p.m.
Karaoke Gong Show Back for 2017!
Tickets: $10. Ages 18+ Recommended (mature and sometimes immature content)
Highlights from the amazing APRIL lineup: • Super Fun Skit: Christie Chair Conversations • Steamboat Dance Theater Performances • A Cabaret Classic Video • Tongue In Chief Improv • Jasmir Belly Dancers • Carolyn Berns Rocking the Fiddle • Karaoke Gong Show • More, More, More!!!
Karaoke Gong Show
“Fight For Your Right” By The Beastie Boys
Winner gets $30 cash!
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DISCLAIMER: The views expressed on this Super Fun Page are those of the Super Fun Steamboat Show and not necessarily shared by the Valley Voice and its management.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Valley Voice
April 2017
Circulation 6000
Rants...
Contents Share the Road
Downtown traffic when you gotta pee... Page 4
By Matt Scharf
Page 5
Driving all the way to Albuquerque and finding out you didn’t have to...
Page 6
Low snow totals...
By Scott L. Ford
The Fine Thread of Destiny Part 3 By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield
A bumbling president...
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9
By Scott L. Ford
April Anniversary By Karen Vail
Routt County Youth Art Show Publisher/Art Director:
Matt Scharf
Business Manager:
Scott Ford
By Dagny McKinley
Phoenix Rising: Steamboat Symphony
Page 10
By Dagny McKinley
Poor excuses...
Raves... New Grass Sticks!... Getting help where you need it...
Desert Conspiracies
Event Calendar: Nina Rogers boobula57@yahoo.com
Dead Ducks Page 12
Official Fine Print
Tenants that don’t pay rent...
Sue White. Congrats to another local medal winner...
Sales: Eric Kemper valleyvoicesales@gmail.com
Valley Voice is published monthly and distributed on the last Wednesday of each month. Please address letters, questions, comments or concerns to: Valley Voice, LLC, P.O. Box 770743 or come by and see us at 1125 Lincoln Ave, Unit 2C, Steamboat Springs, CO 80477. Or contact Matt Scharf: 970-846-3801. Scott Ford: 970-819-9630. Website www.yampavalleyvoice.com. Subscription rate is $35 per year (12 issues). All content © 2017 Valley Voice, L.L.C. No portion of the contents of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission from the Valley Voive.
Parking garages again?... Sick cat pooping in the studio...
Let’s Stop Guessing/ Oak Creek and Yampa
Routt County Liquor Licenses
Page 11
By Paulie Anderson
Dirt bike, dirt bike, dirt bikes!... Magic Giant concert on the mountain...
By Lyn Wheaton
Fun impromptu meetings...
The Sleepwalker Page 13
Service of any kind...
By Aimee Kimmey
Warm weather...
Storm Peak Brewing - The Arborist
Page 14
By Eric Kemper
5 Years/ 60 Editions News from the Chief of the Chief
Page 19
By Scott Parker
Calendar of Events
The views and opinions expressed reflect the views and opinions of the authors and may not necessarily reflect the views and opinion of the editor, staff or advertisers in Steamboat’s Valley Voice.
Page 23
“It seems that this town is out of blinker fluid”
By Wandering Rose
“She had a keen sense of the obvious” Page 24
By Lorre Buss
Growing Up Page 25 By Nina Rogers
Nothing to Fear Why So Serious?
“Trump is probably worth only175 million which equals 10 billion rubles” “On behalf of all Coloradoans; leave your money and get the hell out”
By Wina Procyzyn
Modern Day Miracles
Say What?...
Page 20
By Nina Rogers
First Friday Artwalk
Johnny B’s patty melt... Cabaret in May...
Page 19
By the Valley Voice
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Poetry Page 29
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Taxes in Transitions
Page 28
By LA Bourgeois
Your Monthly Message
Page 30
By Chelsea Yepello
Comics Page 31
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Knowledge is in the end based on acknowledgement. –Ludwig Wittgenstein
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April 2017
Valley Voice
My Line
S U NSE T HAP PY HO UR
Join us for a beautiful sunset and views of the valley with music, signature cocktails and appetizers.
Share the Road By Matt Scharf
I don’t know what to make of this winter. It either left early or it didn’t really show up. For some, that made for a challenging ski season and made it delightful for gardeners. For me, I fall right in the middle. I like any season as long as it’s spent here. This early spring has me excited about less mud and mayhem. Plus it’s easier to get around. I don’t have to lock in the hubs, I don’t have to worry about black ice or driving through a cotton ball. I even took off the plow for the remainder of the season. I may regret “dropping plow” because it will snow after the mountain closes. It always does. I remember the ‘07-‘08 season, it snowed three feet after the mountain shut down. What a year! I have not used my snorkel since. With all this warm weather, I notice a lot of bicyclists’ out on 20 Mile, River Road and all points in between. It reminds me of another season of biking in Routt County and the old adage, “Share the Road!” This year it is supposed to be the busiest summer in Steamboat, ever. I would like to think everybody would be courteous and kind while out on the road or trail this coming bike season. Sharing the road is great when you do it. When you don’t, things go south quickly. When everybody is aware of each other, I’m happy.
Don’t be these guys...
March 9 .......Shawn David Allen March 16 .....Buffalo Commons March 23 .....Trevor G. Potter March 30 .....Kelly Kerr April 6 .........Jay Roemer Band April 13 .......Yer State Birds $15 includes Gondola ride and $5 off food or drink of your choice. 16/17 Season Passholders are free, and must have their pass to upload. Gondola uploads between 5-7:45pm.
970.871.5150 • steamboat.com Dates and bands are subject to change
Be these guys.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
When riders don’t share the road or don’t acknowledge you as a driver, it’s scary. I do not want anybody to come in contact with my truck. I have come up on large pelotons of locals riding, and I must say it is an impressive sight of glitter and technology. At times when I am approaching I will tap the horn to let them know I am coming up on them, at a slow speed of course. Some riders take offense to this in showing me how big their middle finger is in my rear view mirror. I don’t tap the horn anymore. I don’t want it to seem confrontational. I live on the backside of Emerald Mountain if you’re standing in Steamboat proper. It truly is a slice of heaven. I see bicyclists on the road when I am going to work and driving home. There are a lot of bike fanatics out there challenging themselves and most importantly, getting in shape. I am a bike freak myself; I just prefer single track, with or without a motor. The backside of Emerald hosts three wonderful trails; Rotary, Ridge and Beall. Living so close to these trails is a godsend to any outdoor enthusiast. Heaven.
Valley Voice
April 2017
5
Economics Common Sense of Our Dollars and Cents
Let’s Stop Guessing about Oak Creek and Yampa By Scott L. Ford
These CCDs share essentially the same boundaries of the three Routt County school districts: RE1=Hayden, RE2=Steamboat Springs and RE3 = Oak Creek/Yampa. Last month I profiled the Hayden CCD. This month I will focus on the combined Oak Creek and Yampa CCD. Oak Creek is located about 21 miles south of Steamboat via Colo. Hwy. 131. Yampa is about another 10 miles further south along the same state highway. This south Routt combined CCD is home to 3,897 people who live in 1,654 households. The combined CCD represents about 17% of Routt County’s total population.
Daniel Patrick Moynihan, a United States Senator from New York during the 70’s and 80’s, was fond of saying, “You are entitled to your opinion. But you are not entitled to your own facts.” I like to couple that quote with one from Mark Twain who said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”
The population of the south Routt CCDs age 16+ consisted of 3,243 individuals. This is the potential workforce. Of this number, 2,261worked at some point during 2015. The south Routt CCDs have a labor force participation rate of 70%. Nationally the labor force participation rate is about 63%. The labor force participation rate is simply the ratio of folks age 16+ who worked in the past 12 months compared to the total population age 16+. The top three private industry sectors that the folks living in the south Routt CCDs are working in:
I rarely make New Year’s resolutions but I made a few this year. One of them was to help us as a community to stop guessing when we do not need to. There is enough data readily available that there is little reason to guess. A great place to help us stop guessing is to use US Census data to profile the communities that exist within Routt County. The Census aggregates data down to the Census County Division (CCDs). CCDs serve no legal function, however, they do accurately define key social/economic characteristics of the population living in a CCD. In Routt County there are four CCDs • Hayden • Oak Creek • Steamboat Springs • Yampa
In 2015 the south Routt CCDs collectively had a median household income of $59,230, which was about 9% lower than that of all Routt County as a whole and 12% lower than that found in the Steamboat CCD. Adjusted for inflation, the households in the south Routt CCD have seen a real growth in household income of 2% since 2010. On an aggregate basis, the households of this combined CCD received slightly over $127 million in income from all sources during 2015. Of this, $89 million, (70%) came
M.A.L.T. To Keep Kids Drug Free!
Model Good Behavior. Offer Many Alternatives. Lock Up Alcohol & Drugs. Talk to your Kids Often. For More Info, visit www.grandfutures.org
Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Buzzed!
from earnings associated with working either wage/salary or self-employment. The south Routt CCDs willfully acknowledge themselves as a bedroom community of Steamboat. Of the employed persons age 16+ living in the south Routt CCDs, 93% work outside of the boundaries of the combined CCDs. Less than 8% of the labor force live and work within the boundaries of the south Routt CCDs. Folks in the south Routt CCDs commute on average 27 minutes per day to work. About 48% of the those that commute do so during a 90-minute period beginning at 7:00 am. On an aggregate basis, the working population of the south Routt CCDs spend over 86,000 minutes each day commuting from home to work and back. About 85% do so by driving either a car/truck and of this percentage, 83% drove alone. About 45% of the folks age 25+ in the combined CCD have a BA/BS degree or better. In the Steamboat CCD this percentage is 56%. Statewide this figure is slightly over 38%. Of the 3,243 people living in the south Routt CCDs in 2015, about 99% were born in the United States and of that group, 45% were born somewhere in Colorado. There are 27 people who were born, abroad of American parent(s). There are 36 people who were foreign born and of that number 11 are Naturalized U.S. citizens. The balance of 25 individuals are legal residents of which 20 were born in Europe and 5 in Latin America. Next Month – Steamboat Springs CCD
• All data is from 2015 unless otherwise noted. • The following ACS Census Tables were use: DP03, B01003, S2403, S0801, B08066, B15003
Upcoming Events Grand Futures Alternative - 4/20 Too Fly to Get High Dance . April 20, 2017 . 4pm - 9pm Ghost Ranch/ Downtown Steamboat A fun free dance for all high school students in Routt County. This is for the students only and it’s FREE!
www.grandfutures.org You don’t have to be a mathematician to have a feel for numbers. –John Forbes Nash, Jr.
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April 2017
Valley Voice
Bonnifield Files
The Fine Thread of Destiny Comes Unraveled: Moffat Tunnel Part III By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield
tempt to find solid granite, engineers moved the portal 400 feet south, necessitating realigning the entire tunnel. At the new location, they believed that within 1500 feet the tunnel would reach the solid granite core. That did not happen. The standard support for tunnels was 12”x12” fir timbers. Even when placed skin tight, the timbers were no match for the weight and movement of the mountain. Steel “I” beams replaced timber, but they too failed. Finally, large “H” beams solved the problem. The Ranch Creek fault proved especially dangerous. Here the material flowed similar to sand and the mountain moved slightly. Its redeeming quality was that its flow was slow enough that men were able to put solid material in place and stop the shifting. In time, engineers and miners were able to support the roof and control the pressure on the sides. Then, under the weight, the floor began to rise making it necessary to move back a half mile, lower the floor, and place supports similar to those used in the roof.
Passage of the Moffat Tunnel Bill of 1922 was a minor miracle. The Denver & Salt Lake Railroad (D&SL) was on its final legs when a flood nearly destroyed Pueblo. The city needed state financial aid to recover and Bill Evans held needed legislation hostage until the Tunnel Bill became law. With tunnel approval, residents of northwestern Colorado believed the dream of being on a main line railroad was finally coming true.
the KKK controlled Colorado and ninety percent of the employees were old line Americans. Drinking and gambling were prohibited. However, the recreation rooms had pool and card tables and, despite management efforts to keep the wild side of western mining away from the camps, gambling flourished. Bootleg whiskey was strictly prohibited, but it was readily available in nearby Fraser and Tolland.
Expecting the railroad to be built from Craig to Salt Lake City, Routt County built its new stone courthouse occupying a full block with lawns, trees, and flowers. It was, and still is, a magnificent building. New coal mines opened and were ready for shipment. The oil boom in Moffat County added to the excitement. In July 1925, Simon Bamberger appeared before the Interstate Commerce Commission (ICC) in Salt Lake City requesting authority to build a railroad east from Salt Lake City to join the D&SL. Surely this time the dream would come true.
Constructing the 6.2-mile Moffat Tunnel was one of the most challenging achievements in railroad tunneling. One of the first major successes wasn’t actually in the tunnel. Long range electrical transmission lines were in their formative stage, but the tunnel project required large amounts of dependable electricity. In sixty days, the Colorado Power Company built a fully operational line up Boulder Canyon to East Portal and over the continental divide down to West Portal.
Late in the summer of 1923, the final court cases were settled and the bonds for the Tunnel issued. Construction could begin. Anticipating final approval, early work began on employee housing. Eventually 300 men were housed at West Portal and 200 at East Portal. To avoid labor unrest, the camps were modern with hot and cold water, shower houses, and janitor service. The cookhouses were clean and the meat fresh. The period of Tunnel construction coincided with the decade when
An all-out effort pushed to get underground before winter snow prevented work until spring. By October, both portals mined rock and prepared to work all winter. Nevertheless, it was a close call at West Portal. To reach the tunnel face required bridging the Fraser River. No sooner had work started than the riverbank sank fifty feet leaving a gaping hole. Geologists and engineers believed once underground they would encounter a solid core of granite; however, the stone was old, fractured, and unstable. In an at-
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
While the West Portal struggled with “soft rock,” the East Portal and the pioneer bore worked in solid rock and moved right along. That is, until February 14, 1925 when the pioneer bore hit water – 1800 gallons per minute sprayed from the face stopping work. Luck was with them. The apex wasn’t yet reached. At least the water ran out of the tunnel and did not collect. The tunnel ran directly under lower Crater Lake and connected with a fissure. In time, the lake drained and work resumed. A year later, after reaching the apex and mining downhill, on February 28, 1926, the main tunnel hit an underground lake that produced 3000 gallons per minute. Large pumps were rushed in to handle the water. They were installed and working well when a giant spring storm wrecked the power line. The pumps stopped and were soon under water. Construction costs soared. The Tunnel Commissioners needed to pass another bond issue, but they didn’t dare let the public know. The KKK government would not approve another bond issue. Tunnel lawyers decided that the Tunnel Bill of 1922 required building the Moffat Tunnel, and based on this weak legal thread, another bond issue was approved followed by another court battle. Before completion, two more bond issues were quietly approved. After overcoming the uncertainness of the mountain and the political and financial quagmire, on February 12, 1927, the West Portal graveyard shift hand drove a 40’ piece of rebar through the work. East portal men seized the rebar. A hilarious tug of war followed celebrating that the Tunnel was “holed through.” East and west tunnels finally connected; however, several
Valley Voice
Moffat Tunnel under construction
April 2017
Go Figure!?
Routt County Liquor Licenses By Scott L. Ford
Over the past 10 years the number of Liquor Licenses in Routt County has gone from a peak of 148 in 2010 to a low just three years later of 126.
The Denver & Salt Lake Railroad signed a lease in 1926 with the Moffat Tunnel Commission and then reorganized into the Denver & Salt Lake Railway. In 1929, the Railway refused to use the Moffat Tunnel. The completed Moffat tunnel now had no railroad. A legal battle followed that involved Ferry Carpenter. Although the railroad won, it soon agreed to use the tunnel. Bamberger’s plan was forgotten and attention was focused on the Dotsero Cutoff. The Burlington was interested in extending its Denver connection to Salt Lake and the west coast. The Missouri Pacific with a Pueblo connection did not want a Cutoff, and the ICC prepared to force a joint trackage agreement with the D&RG. Men who controlled the D&SL played a shrewd hand and sold their stock at a nice figure. The D&RG was required to build the Cutoff, but the Great Depression destroyed their funds. Federal relief was applied for and the Federal Finance Corporation built the Dotsero Cutoff, completed in June 1934. Without cost, Grand Junction had a very prosperous rail connection. Meanwhile, the Yampa Valley was on a dilapidated spur line. In 1948, the D&RG formally took over the D&SL and the directors were the same men who controlled the D&SL. They had the deal they wanted: the Moffat Tunnel, the water tunnel, direct railroad connection to Salt Lake, revenue from the Grand Valley, and control of the D&RG. Northwestern Colorado paid for the Moffat Tunnel and purchased a broken promise.
At the end of 2016 there were 136 active liquor licenses. Over 93% of these liquor licenses are within the Steamboat Springs City Limits.
Routt County Liquor Licenses 2007-2016
144 145
140 148 144 133 136
134
months passed before tunnel completion and years before the drama subsided. The publically stated plan of the D&SL was to extend construction west from Craig to Salt Lake City and Simon Bamberger presented a plan to accomplish the connection. Men who controlled the D&SL had a different plan. In 1924, they organized the Denver & Salt Lake Western (D&SLW) and surveyed a route down the Colorado River from Orestod (Bond) to Dotsero where it connected with the Denver & Rio Grande (D&RG). In December, the D&SLW petitioned the ICC for construction rights. That was only a storefront.
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Oh Schmiggity!
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As of March 1, 2017 The classification of “Other” includes standing special events such as the Arts Council and the Chief Theater, wholesale distributors, breweries, and convenience stores selling 3.2% beer.
Data Source: Colorado Department of Revenue.
Distribution of Liquor Licenses by Type within Steamboat Springs
15% 9%
33%
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The rage for railroads is so great that many will be laid in parts where they will not pay. –George Stephenson
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April 2017
Valley Voice
‘Boat Almanac
April Anniversary By Karen Vail
have five toes and/or fingers. Why five? Wouldn’t eight be awesome and more efficient? According to Michael Coates in a Scientific American article, early tetrapods (a fancy name for four-legged animals) from around 360 million years ago evolved with six, seven and eight digits. Numbers were reduced as early animals moved from ocean to land and wrist and ankle joints became more sophisticated. Today five or fewer is the norm. Animals in our area vary between four and five toes, except for the ungulates (deer, elk, moose, etc.) which have two toes. Dog and cat family members have four toes, as do the rabbits and their relatives including snowshoe hares. Most rodents have four toes in front and five on the rear, except beaver which has five front toes. Raccoons and relatives, weasels and relatives and black bear all have five toes front and back.
Happy 5th Anniversary Valley Voice!! To celebrate the tireless and passionate support of free press/speech in the Yampa Valley (with many thanks to Paulie, Matt, Scott, and others) I thought it would be fun to look at “5” in the natural world. Surprisingly, there is a lot to the number five. As you are reading this article, you are using one of the five sense we enjoy, sight. If you are eating breakfast while reading this you are also enjoying taste, smell and touch. On your morning walk you probably enjoyed every one of the five senses. Aaah, the blessing of nature to enhance our senses and keep us alert and curious!! To me, the five senses are such a vital way of connecting with the natural world. And to animals, the senses are about survival, finding food and finding love. How many fingers and toes do you have? Oh yeah, five! In fact a good majority of mammals, reptiles and amphibians
While savoring that salad or maple bacon doughnut, you are employing your five basic tastes: sweet, sour, salty, bitter and umami (a fairly new taste described as savory or meaty). Some scientists believe we have a “fat” taste perception as well. Our taste buds can differentiate between these flavors through interactions with different molecules or ions. According to Wikipedia, sweet, umami and bitter tastes are triggered by the binding of certain molecules to unique receptors on the cell membranes of taste buds. When foods with alkali metals or many hydrogen ions enter the taste buds, we perceive saltiness and sourness. Taste perception in humans sadly begins to fade around 50 as our saliva production decreases and the numbers of taste buds diminishes. Sigh! Other mammals sense their food differently than us. Cats (wild and domestic) lack the ability to detect sweetness; the only mammals known to lack sweet sensors according to the 2007 article from Scientific American (David Biello). Because cats are strict carnivores they have lost the ability to detect sweet (ie: carbohydrates) but have evolved the ability to detect ATP, a molecule supplying energy to every cell and is also MEAT! Many rodents can taste starch (great for finding seeds). Catfish are rather odd in that their bodies are covered, inside and out, in taste buds— over 25,000 (we have around 10,000 on our tongue in comparison). Now that is quite the tongue! They can detect a drop of sugar in an Olympic size pool. Living in murky, often unpenetrable, waterways, they depend on these ultra sensitive taste sensors to find food. Birds tend to have very few taste receptors (chickens have only 30)
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whereas most herbivores have large amounts of them; cows have around 25,000. Herbivores need the ability to detect poisonous plant toxins in their food.
Looking on the Periodic Table of Elements, the listing in table form of all known chemicals, the fifth element is Boron. This is a rather interesting element. It is a metalloid (neither true metal nor non-metal) and may have been the key to the evolution of life on Earth. Elemental boron stabilizes ribose, part of RNA, a self-assembling molecule that may have preceded DNA. Boron is found in the oldest rocks on earth dating back 3.8 billion years. It is also vital to plant life. It was only in 2014 that plant biologists at the University of Missouri discovered that boron is essential in the stem cells of plants. Stem cells are capable of giving rise to all the different cells making up a plant. Without boron, the growing areas where these stem cells are just withered. Compounds of boron, particularly borax, have been used by humans for thousands of years. Look in the laundry detergent aisle and there is Mule Team Borax. I mix borax with wheat germ and a little sugar water, place it around an unwanted ant pile and the food gatherers take it back into the colony where it eliminates your ant problem. Do you remember in any of your science fair projects the goopy stuff called oobleck? This is a mixture of borax and liquid glue that creates a substance that is liquid when it is poured but solid when under pressure. Try it! And last, boron in its crystal form is the second hardest element behind carbon (in its diamond form). Yeah element number five! Start counting petals on most flowers and you will find, aha, five petals. But there are also four, three and myriad other numbers of petals. Five does seem to be the most common in our temperate area. No one really knows why there are so many variations. Flowers are all about plant sex, and if a plant evolves a certain flower’s shape, size, petal number, etc. that maximizes its pollinating success, then it is way ahead of the competitive game. And last is the “five second rule” (which does not really have anything to do with the natural world, but, hey, this is important!). If a piece of food that has fallen on the floor is picked up before five seconds, then it has not been contaminated. Of course, those little bacteria are not going to give you five seconds before they latch right on, so this rule has been proved false. Hah!
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For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
So, again, thank you Valley Voice for five great years and here’s to many, many more! We’ll see you on the trails!! Soon, I hope!
Valley Voice
April 2017
Art in the ‘Boat
Beer of the Month:
Routt County Youth Art Show Encourages Aspiring Artists
Sierra Nevada
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I’m Yukon Cornelius. You might remember me as Bumbles trusted friend from the Arctic. I got word that someone kidnapped my dear friend and I rushed to Steamboat Springs, from the Arctic, to help Mark and Mimi find him.
By Dagny McKinley
970-879-7355
Thursday - Saturday: 10am - 11pm Sunday - Wednesday: 10am - 10pm
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198 East Lincoln Ave. Hayden, Colorado 970-276-4250 From left; Gene Bracegardle, Anna Long and Damienne Bolten pose with their cowboy boots that will be displayed at the Routt County Youth Art Show. Each year the Steamboat Springs Arts Council invites teachers from throughout Routt County to submit their students’ works for a sensational art exhibit of our county’s young talent. The show will be unveiled Friday, April 7th from 4-7pm at the Steamboat Springs Art Depot and will include refreshments and a kid’s activity. This year, Soroco’s high school students will be entering a series of cowboy boots inspired by artist Marilyn Levine who creates ceramic sculptures that uncannily resemble real leather. Levine’s boots, jackets and belts make you want to pick them up and wear them. However, constructing a cowboy boot from clay was more challenging than first expected. The project began by dissecting a cowboy boot at the seams. They then recreated each piece in clay in the same way a boot maker would construct a boot. Assembling the clay pieces was one of the biggest challenges of the project and even brought one student to tears of frustration. Anna Long, 14, was in the process of putting her boot together when it started cracking down the middle. One of the challenges of working with clay is it has a tendency to dry out, or if it is too wet, won’t hold its shape. Keeping the right amount of moisture is tricky. “It’s hard to know when to let go and let it stand on its own,” said Soroco high school art teacher Jody Elston. For Long, once the boot was constructed, then the fun began as she started cutting back the clay and sculpting lines in it. Long’s previous works include a snow leopard and a wolf that ended up as a Chihuahua. Next week the artists will add detail and color. That’s when the boots really take on the personality of the maker. Damienne Bolten, 15, is considering decorating her boot with flowers and possibly writing, although her eyes did light up when Miss Elston mentioned
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skulls. Long will be using her own cowboy boots as inspiration and Gene Bracegardle, 14, is “just going with the flow and seeing how things turn out.” When asked why she chose clay as a medium for the students to work with, Elston replied, “There are very few opportunities for kids to work three-dimensionally and some of us crave that hands on stuff. It uses a part of our brain that is not used elsewhere. There is a physical element to sculpting, unlike drawing. We’re more inclined to use the entire body, which facilitates a part of our brain we don’t normally use. It stimulates neurons and helps kids wake up early in the mornings.” Regardless of the medium, art is an important creative outlet. “I always liked art but never really got into it,” said Bracegardle. “High school is giving me a good chance to do it.” Having students create work that hangs in the same space where nationally renowned artists hang their works demonstrates to young artists the value of their work and possibilities for their future. The finished boots will be on display for everyone to be inspired by. The show is open to the entire community. This is an amazing opportunity for students and parents, or anyone interested in art, to come down and see Routt County’s next generation of aspiring artists. The show will be open to the public throughout the month of April with gallery hours Tuesday - Friday 11-5 and Saturday 11-3. Every Saturday in April there will be Weekend Warrior Workshops for the kids. Open to all ages. From 12PM to 3PM. $20 per participant. For more information visit SteamboatArts.org.
April 20, 2017 4pm - 9pm
FREE
A fun free dance for all high school students in Routt County. This is for the students only!
Door Prizes, Food, Games, Dancing and Music
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Of the five most important things in life, health is first, education is second, and wealth is third. I forget the other two. –Chuck Berry
10
April 2017
Valley Voice
Presents the Spring Concert “Phoenix Rising” Saturday April 8 at 7pm Sunday April 9 at 7pm
Steamboat Springs Orchestra
Phoenix Rising: The Steamboat Symphony Orchestra Returns By Dagny McKinley
Prepare yourselves for an inspiring evening of orchestral music as Phoenix Rising, the spring concert offering by the Steamboat Symphony Orchestra (SSO), opens April 8 & 9th at 7pm at Strings Music Festival pavilion. This marks the first major concert of the SSO since becoming an independent entity late last year, and the final concert of the 2016-2017 season. The theme, Phoenix Rising, speaks to a new start for the SSO, an organization that has inspired students, teachers, professional musicians and the community for over twenty-five years. The concert will include Stravinsky’s Firebird Suite and Aaron Copland’s Lincoln Portrait, narrated by the SSO’s new Executive Director, Stuart Handloff, an accomplished actor and director. Concertmaster Teresa Steffen Greenlee will deliver a riveting solo in Stravinsky’s Firebird. Desiree Suarez Ward will perform the introduction and Rondo Cappricioso. Ward’s talent is matched only by her passion for playing, bringing each piece to extraordinary life. The Firebird Suite is one of the most challenging and difficult pieces the Orchestra has ever taken on; it’s sure to be one of the most memorable performances in the history of the SSO.
Maestro Ernest Richardson
For Tickets visit stringsmusicfestival.com or call Strings Music Festival at 970-879-5056 From the Kitchen and Sushi Bar
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½ Price Well Drinks, House Red, House White $2 Bud Light $2.50 Kirin Draft $1 Off All Other Drafts $4 Pabst Blue Ribbon/ Tall $6 Dulce Vida Silver Margs $5 Large Hot Sake and $8 Who, Haze or Plum Hot Sake
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$5 California Roll / $6 Veggie, Spicy Tuna, Spicy Hamachi or Spicy Salmon Roll/ $7 Philly Roll / $9 Unagi Kyu Roll / $10 Steamboat Crunch or Las Vegas Roll Tuna/ $18 Tuna, Humachi or Salmon Poke $4 Edamame / $5 Waffle Fries / $6 Pork Pot Sticker / $6 Kobe Beef Hot Dog/ $3 Kobe Beef or Pork Tonkatsu Sliders / $8 Asian Dry Rub BBQ Ribs/ $8 “New” Chicken Wings (1lb of Traditional, Dry Rub, House BBQ, Creamy Wasabi or House Fire)
Happy Hour Daily from 3:30 -5:30
So how does a community orchestra in the mountains of Steamboat Springs attract so many talented musicians? “The SSO is a unique orchestra, to be sure,” said Greenlee. “There is a palpable enthusiasm that is felt from, and through, Maestro Ernest Richardson, Musical Director of the SSO, which is shared by all the players, and ultimately our audience. Ernest’s way of working with the musicians and communicating with the audience has everyone engaged and inspired. He brings out the best in all of us and leaves the audience - even those with very little understanding of, or exposure to, classical music - feeling inspired and invigorated.” As someone who is tone deaf and has no talent for music, I couldn’t agree more. After each concert I have attended, I find myself even more in touch and in love with orchestral music. The benefits of classical music can’t be underestimated, stimulating the mind and exciting the senses in ways other artistic disciplines simply don’t. Through Maestro Richardson’s engaging leadership, the audience becomes part of the musical community. In addition to the Phoenix Rising concert, the 20172018 Steamboat Symphony Orchestra season will feature three productions: a fall concert in September planned to include popular Broadway show tunes, the ever popular holiday concert in late November with local students and choirs, and a spring performance tentatively scheduled to include Strings Music Festival Music Director Michael Sachs. Moving forward, the SSO will also focus on collaborations in the community, increasing their educational outreach, and of course, wowing their audiences with their world-class performances.
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For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
A new collaboration with Holy Name Catholic Church will include a Good Friday musical accompaniment to seven local Christian religious leaders reading homilies based upon the Last 7 Words of Jesus on the cross. Later in the year, the Church is planning to produce Mozart’s Requiem, featuring the Steamboat Springs Orchestra combining forces with a choral ensemble led by accomplished conductor and choirmaster Christel Houston. The SSO’s Immersion, as part of their educational outreach, has been an integral component of the programming since its inception. Each year in the spring and fall, Orchestra musicians work for weeks with local string, brass and woodwind students on challenging orchestral works that culminate in a weekend of rehearsal and performance under the direction of SSO Music Director Ernest Richardson. The weekend also includes a “Play-In” with local Suzuki teachers and students coming together to demonstrate their musical accomplishments. Having a resident symphony orchestra “is motivation for teachers to continue to hone their craft, offers students the opportunity to participate in much bigger and more spectacular performances, allows students to form relationships with the players which encourages their growth, and brings about a personal connection within the community,” said Greenlee, “Members of the orchestra are our neighbors and they are our children’s teachers.” The success of the Steamboat Symphony Orchestra is due in large part to the unwavering support of local community members. Barbara Winternitz, President of the Board of Directors, shares a passion with the other Board members who continue to raise the bar, pushing the Orchestra to grow each year in talent, imagination and creativity. “We need to be responsible to our audience, our students, our musicians and our patrons,” said Winternitz. “What has pulled me towards the Symphony is the incredible artists who have dedicated 25 years to making this organization viable. I love that I get the chance to help them share their music with our community.” Executive Director Handloff says, “We want to make the SSO as much a part of the Steamboat community spirit as skiing, bicycling, and all other recreational activities that make us who we are.”
As a 501(c)3 non-profit corporation, all donations to the Steamboat Symphony Orchestra are tax deductible. For more information, visit www.steamboatorchestra. org or call 970-355-9403. To purchase tickets, contact the Strings Music Festival at 970-879-5056 or online at tickets.stringsmusicfestival.com
Valley Voice
April 2017
11
Paulie Sez
Desert Conspiracies By Paulie Anderson
Dinosaurs are a great source for conspiracies. I toured a couple archeological sites where some significant fossil finds were made and came up with some theories of my own. A couple common conspiracies are that god placed the fossilized bones here to test one’s faith, or that due to the biblical timeline of the Earth, people and dinosaurs roamed the planet at the same time, but God let the large reptiles die out while we progressed. My theory is based on the broken glass and shotgun shells I saw at these archeological sites. I believe that the liberals created dinosaur bones and put them in cool places where shooting guns is fun so that they could then close the areas to real Americans and take away our guns. One human life is but a short blip on the geological timeline. Nothing brings this point into focus quite like the annual pilgrimage out of the Valley and into the desert where the forces of erosion offer a glimpse into the very creation of our planet, and the vastness of the landscape adds perspective as to just how tiny one’s life can feel in the greater scheme of things. The desert’s ability to preserve (or reveal) the past allows us to enjoy some of the oldest remains of the civilizations that populated the area long before the Europeans began their westward migration. Until lately, I’ve been at a loss for the required time and space to open my brain and seek answers to the important life questions that we all find ourselves asking at various points throughout our lives. You know, those daunting how and why and what style questions that occur during large, life transitions like graduating from a high school or college, or making a career change, or getting diagnosed with cancer. As some of you may have noticed, my name is no longer listed as Publisher on the Table of Contents page of the Valley Voice. This is because I am taking a sabbatical of sorts to try to reacquaint myself with my inner thoughts and seek some answers to those pesky questions that plague the brain contained within my insignificant human body. I hope to detail some of these adventures in this and future editions of the Voice. I have an idea that I am progressing on some answers, but I also think that perhaps there is a misfire somewhere between a synapse or two within the wrinkles of my personal processor. Rather than making any real decisions, or coming up with any legitimate solutions to the equation that is my life, I find myself cracking up at the ridiculousness of society and wanting to poke fun at everything I think of, read, and encounter along the way. Perhaps this fun-poking is a coping mechanism that I developed in my youth, or was caused by some of my previous decisions, but I rather enjoy a good laugh, especially one along the lines of a Monty Python skit. There are a few theories – conspiracy theories – that have begun to echo within the canyons of my subconscious as I squander my gift of life roaming along these arid trails in search of guidance. Could these thoughts be real? Here, in the desert, I am having a hard time
knowing, and without the connection to the interwebs, I have no way of using Google to tell me whether or not these things are true. Read on and decide for yourself. Who knows? I heard tell that someone had unearthed some of the Cheeto-In-Chief’s taxes and exposed them on the nightly news. My first thought, and the intro to my first conspiracy, was regarding just how long this would be “news,” and whether or not Obama had actually placed a bug in The Donald’s hair. (He totally could have. After all, Obama does have superpowers. Oops, was that conspiracy number two?)
Aliens are real. (Look! There’s a photo of cliff art to prove it.) Last but certainly not least, go get yourself a Big Mac, and order a Diet Coke to go with it, because they cancel each other out. True story. There are many alternative facts out there if you dig deep enough. As for an answer to all these silly questions, I have come up with one: Find laughter. Laugh. Laugh often. Make people laugh. Repeat.
I have been acutely aware of the modern addiction to technology lately. Watching tables full of people completely engrossed in their devices while ignoring the people they are with, or watching people texting or talking on their phones and failing to use turn signals. They don’t even have time to pay attention to driving! Seeing people miss events because they are too busy taking a video that they will never review bothers me to no end. Why not just enjoy the moment and live in the now? I have become annoyed enough that I have consciously and measurably cut down my connection. However, in doing so, I had a realization that Tupac never actually existed. It’s true. He was a construct of the media to help reinvigorate stagnant rap music sales, and only through holographic technology were the media able to make us believe he was real. Thanks, technology. Oh, and please pull the plug on the Kardashians. The backstory of the following theory happened a little over a year ago while enjoying breakfast at Rootz, downtown. I would go in, order my breakfast burrito, and read some of the more annoying Google News headlines aloud to the owner, Fawn. There was a particularly odd grouping of headlines one morning that encompassed everything from climate change to the inequality of women’s wages. Just by listening to me read these headlines, Fawn was able to deduce that global warming is, in fact, real, and it’s caused by women menstruating. We were laughing at the time, but I just want you to think about that for a little while as the somewhat yonic crack in the Antarctic ice shelf continues to expand. Sexism is all the rage in politics these days, so go ahead, jump on the bandwagon.
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I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. –Steven Wright
12
April 2017
Valley Voice
Routt County Disasters
Dead Ducks By Lyn Wheaton
derous voice my dad appeared in the kitchen. The kids attacked the baskets with gusto. My dad made silly pained faces, as if watching them devour the sugary preservativeladen bounty was causing him deep personal suffering. The kids giggled and egged him on by shoveling more candy into their faces
memorabilia. She offered to help me steal one of Nanny’s antique vases. We were scheming about the upcoming heist, for which my brother would later be blamed, when we heard:
Eleanor dragged my sister and I into the dining room where she had a large bible opened, bookmarked, and propped on a special stand, next to the table.
Mitch, a car salesman and the husband of the daughter that lived locally, was peeking out the barely cracked door, beckoning us. His antics always kept us entertained at these dreaded gatherings. What could possibly be waiting behind that door was anybody’s guess.
“I’m going to read this passage. It’s my favorite. Em hmm.” She said, stabbing at a spot in the bible with her finger, while simultaneously looking at us for a reaction.
The Big E Easter was never one of my favorite holidays. Everything about it unnerved me. Whether it was the vicious egg hunts I had to endure as a child or something more sinister, Easter of 1996 held no hope of being any better. Eleanor was preparing dinner. Eleanor was my dad’s second wife, and he was her fifth husband. We called her the Big E. Eleanor was a one-woman terror organization. She was Mommy Dearest, Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet), and Here’s Johnny all wrapped up in one imposing and overbearing package. My sister and I arrived with our kids earlier than the other guests. The scented candles burning everywhere made me queasy. The feeling was intensified by having to once again pass by the lighted hutch flaunting an impressive display of antiques Eleanor amassed from my grandmother’s house. I’d spent more time in my grandmother’s home than anyone in the family. And though I was not a fan of antiques, I really wanted something, just one thing, to remember the place by. But Eleanor’s conniving left nothing. Eleanor led my daughter and nephew to the Easter baskets she had prepared in a bid to convince my father that she cared about his grandchildren. My dad was in his office avoiding the fray for as long as possible. “Bill!” She shouted, “Come out here and watch your grandchildren enjoy their Easter baskets.” At the first clap of her thun-
You had to pay keen attention to her at all times while she droned on about things nobody had any interest in, nor understood. My gaze drifted away for a second. She raised her voice and asked, “You know what I’m saying Lynnie?” She paused and stared me down. “If I didn’t have the Lord I’d be a DEAD DUCK!” Every time she said this you knew it was a veiled threat to your well-being. She had no sense of humor and was always one innocuous comment away from losing her shit. Trying to snap out of a vacant stare, all I could manage was, “Um, yes. I know.” Eleanor’s two daughters, with their husbands and kids, started to dribble in. Her daughters were actually very pleasant, and the husbands were real rabble-rousers that tolerated Eleanor about as much as we did. It was hard to fathom how someone like her could produce normal offspring. I was under the impression that Eleanor had recently reconciled a long standoff with both couples. It was a relief to have them there. There would be plenty of people to lessen the tension and share the burden of providing a much-needed diversion for anyone that fell prey to Eleanor’s entrapment. My sister and I took full advantage of their arrival and slipped out of her clutches. The small over-55 patio home was soon filled with lively, boisterous people goofing around and having drinks. Eleanor barked orders at my father who didn’t dare slack off for a second. My dad, a sober, even-tempered, introverted man who hated conflict, always went for domineering women with a flair for theatrics and a penchant for drinking. While keeping a low profile in the hallway, I was joking with my sister about how I had a mind to rip-off a piece of
By Aimee Kimmey
“Psst, Pssssstt” coming from the bathroom.
Waving his hands wildly, he gestured at us to come quickly. We ducked into the bathroom and immediately noticed a large picture-sized burn pattern seared into the pastel-colored wallpaper. The damage was hard to miss. It was also hard to miss the look of alarm on Mitch’s sweat covered face and a pile of his clothing balled up on the counter. My sister and I started cracking up. “What the hell happened?” He hushed us. Panicked, he said, “I took off my shirt to go to the bathroom…” My sister and I shared a look of confusion and went hysterical all over again. “I tossed it on the counter. It landed on the candle. I was on the toilet when it went up in flames.” Mitch was freaking out. “Go get Tony.” He whispered. Tony was the other daughter’s husband. “And make sure Eleanor, doesn’t come near this bathroom.” “Why’d you take your shirt off?” We kept asking. “I always do whenever I go to the bathroom.” He offered no further explanation and we were afraid to ask any thing more about it. On our way to fetch Tony, we skulked by the kitchen, pausing to peer in and make sure Eleanor was occupied. I caught sight of the mutilated chocolate bunny abandoned in the basket on the knee-wall, surrounded by an unholy mess of pastel-colored cellophane-grass, looking as pathetic as you might expect of any double ear amputee, accompanied by half-eaten stale marshmallows soaked in Yellow Dye #5 designed to resemble chicks. They looked to me like dead ducks lying there. Oh Easter… The smell of cut grass and the promise of rebirth wafting in the air… Rebirth, my ass! We were all going to be dead ducks, in a strange plot twist to the Last Supper, with the hostess turning on all of us. I could almost envision the joy she would get nailing us all to individual crosses. Yes, it promised to be a bloody Sunday if we did not get this wall repaired. Tony, a painter and paperhanger by trade, assessed the situation and after some deliberation announced that he could probably fix it if there was any spare wallpaper lying around. Of course, to determine this we had to get my dad.
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Valley Voice
My sister distracted Eleanor with a barrage of questions about the wine, while I summoned my dad to the bathroom. My dad never failed to find humor in the darkest of circumstances, and knowing he would bear the brunt of this just made it that much more amusing to him. He loved this type of thing. Sneaking around was his forte. He said he’d go up to the attic and see if there was any extra wallpaper. In between chortles he told us to keep Eleanor occupied. Soon everyone in the house was involved. We worked as a team to keep Eleanor ensnared in a labyrinth limited to the den, kitchen and dining room. We were like a football team without any training. We used hand signals and complicated blocking techniques to keep her interest focused near the line of scrimmage. Mitch sequestered himself in the bathroom, afraid to leave it unguarded. We caught glimpses of my dad entering and exiting the attic with wallpaper in hand and a mischievous grin on his face. Time ticked on. It was a delicate procedure. Eleanor yelled for my father. He had been balancing his time between checking in with her and overseeing the construction work going on just behind the kitchen wall. In the interest of keeping Eleanor distracted, we started putting out the food. That caused everyone to gather around the table, except for Mitch and Tony. Eleanor busied herself by the bible stand. In an act only an ordained priest or a massive narcissist like the Big E could execute, she began preparing to administer communion. Depending on how drunk, and how many Perks (as she called them) or Xanax she had swallowed with her booze, this procedure could be as long and protracted as the actual Easter service you encounter at church. She pulled out a wafer the size of a pita bread that she claimed was blessed and delivered directly to her by Christ himself. I wondered where she was getting these so-called wafers she kept producing. This one looked exactly like the stale pita pocket I had seen in their refrigerator a few weeks prior.
April 2017
13
Tales from the Front Desk
The Sleepwalker By Aimee Kimmey
The story you are about to read is true... more or less. Tuesday. 8:52 pm. The front lobby. It’s a quiet evening at the front desk. The hotel is only at half capacity. Most of the guests have long since retired to their rooms. The front desk clerk leans casually on the counter, chatting with one of her regulars. When the side door opens, they glance over to see who’s coming. A man in only a bathrobe and boxer shorts shuffles into the lobby. The painfully vacuous look on his face stops their conversation cold. His eyes are wide open but completely devoid of any spark of life. The lights are on, the tea kettle is boiling, but everyone’s long gone. The clerk recognizes him. Isn’t he the guy in 247? On vacation with his wife, from Milwaukee. Why would he possibly be in the lobby in his bathrobe? The only sound is the steady slap of his bare feet on the cold tile. He moves like a machine on auto-pilot, free of human control. The clerk and her regular are so disturbed by the vague look on his face, neither one speaks. Without a word he walks around them, past the counter. He strides directly to the staff refrigerator several steps behind the front desk. He opens the door. Bathed in the glow of refrigerator light, he stares his empty stare at the meager collection of sodas, yogurts, and leftovers. The clerk’s mind races with questions: is the fridge in his room broken? Did he miss dinner? Is he on drugs?
What is he doing?! For several long minutes no one speaks, no one moves. Silence lays over the lobby like a blanket. The only sound is the soft hum of the open fridge. Finally the man gently shuts the refrigerator. Slowly he turns, and walks back past them. Without a word he disappears out the back door of the lobby. When he’s gone, the clerk and her regular stare at each other, “What? Was that?!” It was as if he was in a trance, drugged, or asleep... The answer seems clear; the front desk has been visited by a sleepwalker.
“Where are Mitch and Tony?” She boomed. “Bill? Where are they? We’ll all be DEAD DUCKS if this meal gets cold. Dead Ducks BILL!” My dad scurried off to “find” them. Eleanor was getting impatient. The torn-up pita placed on a napkin in front of her invoked a memory of the stale bread my mother and I carried in napkins over to Spring Lake to feed the ducks -- a ritual that ended in my being attacked by a vicious swan. Finally, Dad resurfaced with Mitch and Tony, and the trio ascended to the table. Eleanor, none-the-wiser, began her homily with: “...the life you have is hidden with Christ in God...” (Col 3:3)” She drifted off into her own musing about how this was such a season of miracles, Um HMM! She put the wafer on her tongue and washed it down with a healthy swig of Vodka. We all looked at each other and owing to the feat we had just performed resulting in the release of Mitch and leaving behind no sign he had ever been there, not even an ash, we raised our glasses and toasted in agreement that miracles do, indeed, occur.
Paroda and Mike Brown The discovery of heroes is rarely linear or obvious. They usually sneak up on you. –Nina Easton
14
April 2017
Bike Tune Ups, Get it done before Spring
Valley Voice
Drink of the Month
Storm Peak Brewing The Arborist By Eric Kemper
1136 Yampa Street • 970.879.2957 www.orangepeelbikes.com
New TURBO INTERNET PLANS From ZIRKEL Wireless
and begin to provide for itself. By watering the seeds and getting them to just begin to crack and sprout (germinate), you activate this reserved energy store. To preserve the energy, which is in the form of sugars and starches, the wet sprouted grain is cooked gently in an oven or kiln to stop the plant’s growth while preserving the sugars, starches and enzymes in each seed. To brew an all malt beverage with no hops would result in a sweet beverage without a lot of character. This happens a fair bit, as this sweet alcoholic drink is a platform upon which all sorts of “natural” flavors can be added. Next time you’re passing by your local beer cooler, check out the rainbow of alcopops kept separate from the rest of the beer. These are the malt beverages. Smirnoff Ice, Twisted Tea and Mike’s Hard Lemonade are some of the prominent examples. Hops, therefore, are essential as a bittering agent even in brews where hops are not a featured, or sometimes even barely discernable, flavor. But it hasn’t always been the case. Prior to the German Reinheitsgebot Law of 1516, which codified beer as being malt, hops and water only (yeast was poorly understood at the time and was added to the list at a later date), beers were bittered using herbs such as yarrow, sweet gale, wormwood and mugwort. Another popular hop alternative that comes a lot closer to our Colorado home is spruce tips. Which brings us to the beer:
970-871-8500 www.zirkelwireless.com Beer, for all of its complexity and ubiquity, is such a simple beverage. It has only four ingredients, yet in every glass is contained a history of the world from which each beer originates. Water, malt, hops and yeast are all it takes to make this most popular of drinks worldwide. The type of grains, hops and yeast strains the brewer selects determines the characteristics in each glass, and what story that particular beer will tell. Each of the elements has an almost unlimited number of variables. How hard or soft is the water? Is there a unique mineral content in the water that is essential to the style? What sort of yeast is being pitched? How dark or light is the roast on the grains? Are there additions of rye, wheat or oats that will affect the flavor or mouthfeel? And then there’s the hops. As I discussed last month, hops, when placed on center stage, can define a beer or even an entire style. But what if we left them out? Leave out one of the essential four elements??!!?? Then how can it be beer??? To understand why hops are an essential element in 99%+ of all the beers brewed in the world, we actually need to take a look at another component of the brew: the malt. Malted grains provide the sugars essential to feed the yeast that creates beer’s alcohol, carbonation and flavor profile. But what does it mean to have “malted” grain? To malt a grain (in most cases barley) you start by basically tricking it. Grains after all are just seeds that the plant creates to reproduce itself. If you water them, they sprout. Plant seeds contain a nutritional store in them to sustain the plant until it can grow proper roots
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Storm Peak Brewing, right here in Steamboat Springs, brings us The Arborist. It is a seasonal brew, a saison bittered with Colorado Blue Spruce tips. While this beer does not actually go completely hop free, it is a style in which hops traditionally play a more muted role. This recalcitrant hop character is further highlighted by the assertiveness of the Spruce. The beer pours a light orange-gold, slightly opaque but not hazy. The carbonation is not particularly vigorous, giving the beer only a slight, short lasting head. The aroma is simultaneously fruity and piney. It is not the strong, hoppy fruitiness of an IPA, but rather the sweet-spicy aroma that is produced by the fruity esters in saison yeast. The fruitiness acts as an undertone to the fresh, Christmaslike character of the Spruce tips. The piney flavors suggested by the aroma is delivered upon with vigor in the taste. If anything, the Spruce flavor comes through even stronger than the Spruce aroma. Spruce beers don’t always appeal to everyone’s palate right away, but then neither does beer itself. Spruce beers made with Spruce extract can be intense to the point of having a menthol -like character. This beer has none of those issues. The Spruce is clearly fresh and present in the flavor, but not offensive in any way. The Arborist tastes fresh, clean, and a little like the mountains themselves. Pair this one with lamb or Greek food like dolmades and spanakopita. A great, off beat style brewed right here in our own back yard. Check this one out while it lasts, or you’ll have to wait until next year to get your chance. If you do miss it, you won’t go wrong trying any of Storm Peak’s other seasonals, and the year-round 4-Wire Pale Ale is always a solid bet. Cheers!
Valley Voice
5 Years/60 Issues
Here it is. 60 covers of the Valley Voice. It’s been hard and it’s been easy, but mostly it’s been fun. The ideas for the covers can be the hardest of all to come up with. Here they stand, loud and proud. And this couldn’t happen without all our advertisers, contributors and mostly our readers. A huge “Thank You” to all. 1. Our most famous typo issue 2. A collage of stories inside the June issue 3. Joanne Baker Paul’s photo of an exotic rooster 4. Our celebration of Steamboat Wine Festival 5. Dustin Wayman riding his scooter down 131 6. Turning the page on the changing seasons 7. Greg Rawlings’ ski fence in winter 8. Remember when we thought the world was ending? 9. A blazing fire to start our second year at the Valley Voice 10. Chula Beauregard’s painting of Howelsen Hill 11. A walk through the UPC woods 12. The springing of spring 13. Valley Voice celebrates the mud season pilgrimage 14. This is your brain on the ‘Boat 15. Gabriel T. Rogers’ photo of a fire spinner 16. Rocky Mountain Wood nymph 17. High flying bicyclist doing front flips on Lincoln 18. Holloween Tent-O-Lantern 19. An ode to winter with a 3D snowflake 20. Richard Galusha’s painting of a barn in North Routt 21. Dustin Wayman’s dog “Cadence” chewing on a toy duck 22. Plowing in a winter snow globe 23. Badass skier getting ready to head down the chutes 24. Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” for poetry month 25. Remi Deraedt riding her bike on Prime Cut in Fruita 26. Gabriel T. Rogers’ photo of another great camping trip 27. Feeling patriotic 28. Festus and the girls flying at the Redneck Games 29. Karen Vail’s gorgeous photo of fall in Steamboat 30. Patti Mosbey’s photo of wild horses in Sand Wash Basin 31. Terrorized turkey running from the dinner plate 32. A slithering snow snake. You know you’ve seen them 33. Taking flight in 2015 34. Paul Bonnifield with the 4th largest Douglas Fir in CO. 35. The St. Patrick’s Day aftermath 36. Flying off your bike right into spring 37. Our most popular cover photo, by Rio Graab 38. Cover illustration supporting Steamboat Marathon 39. Jeff Morehead’s photo illustration of Oso and an eagle 40. Amber Hinton’s photo of Steamboat’s Balloon Glow 41. Sand Hill Cranes, photo by Nina Faust 42. Groovin’ at Ditch Fest 43. Aimee Kimmey’s cartoon for Thanksgiving 44. Jeff Morehead’s photo of Steamboat Springs 45. Arial shot of art stomped in the snow 46. John Kelly’s photo of a snow covered chair lift 47. “Horse Lick” 48. John Kelly’s photo of a snow bike traversing the slopes 49. Tracy DelliQuadri captures the joy of mud season 50. Serene photo of Chapman Lake in the Flattops 51. No matter who wins, we all lose 52. Eric Bourgeois’ photo of ski jumping in the summer 53. Karen Desjardin’s photo of an old barn in Routt County 54. Crash Sterne’s photo of a well deserved river trip 55. Another great “cliffie” photo by Jeff Morehead 56. Paulie’s “The Sheeple have spoken” 57. Beau Mills riding his snow bike 58. Cully Kistler’s woodcut of the More barn 59. Scott Kimmey’s photo of a moose in town 60. Paulie Anderson’s photo of his spring sojourn
April 2017
19
Smoke Signals
News from the Chief of the Chief By Scott Parker
Hello all and thank you for reading the 43rd installment of Smoke Signals: News from The Chief of the Chief. April showers bring May flowers….you know the rest!! April…well it is here. When the snow begins to fly in the late fall/early winter, April seems like an eternity away! Yet here we are, it is like time just keeps on keeping on for some reason. I am particularly excited about April this year as I am going to head back to my old stomping ground of Buffalo, NY for a quick visit. The last time I was in Buffalo was early 2013 to attend the funeral of my beloved Grandmother Betty Winship. My son and I are looking forward to having some chicken wings. REAL chicken wings. No offense to the people who try and make them here in town, but as any true Buffalonian knows, Buffalo is the only place to get real chicken wings! Mmmmmmmmm…..droool. The first few weeks of April are going to CRANK! Then the ski area closes and we hit a bit of a much needed lull. Here are some highlights. April 1st: Final performance of “It’s Only Murder” by the Chief Players April 2nd: Small Town World April 4th: 1984 (The Film) April: 5th : Free Foreign Film April 14th: Super Fun Steamboat Show April 15th: An Evening of Improv Please follow us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram or go to our website and sign up for our weekly email blast! Thank you for reading and see you at the Chief!!! Cheers, Scott
www.chieftheater.com 813 Lincoln Avenue 970-871-4791
April 1
Final Performance
“It’s Only Murder” Doors and Bar @ 6:30pm Show @ 7pm Tickets: $15.
April 2
Small Town World Doors and Bar @ 6:30 pm Show @ 7pm
Tickets: $10. available at All That or Chieftheater.com
April 4
“1984” The Film Doors and Bar @ 6:30 pm Show @ 7pm
Tickets: $15
April 14
Super Fun Steamboat Show Doors and Bar @ 7:30 pm Show @ 8pm
Tickets: $10
April 15
An Evening ofShowtime Improv @ 7pm Tickets: $15 There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. –Colin Powell
20
April 2017
Valley Voice
Calendar of Events SATURDAY APRIL 1 Cody’s Challenge 8:30AM @ Steamboat Ski Area 9th Annual Cody St. John memorial Randonee ski race. www.steamboat.com Aquatic Aerobic Classes 9AM @ Old Town Hot Springs Pool Contact sallytestrake@ greencourtpartners.com or 970-761-2381 to register US Freestyle Championships Noon @ Steamboat Ski Area www.steamboat.com Chief Players Present: It’s Only Murder 6:30PM @ The Chief This comedy mystery by Sam Bobrick is the Chief Players 12th production! Join the fun as the Players try to find out who did what to whom! $15 @ ALL THAT or chiefplayers.com Unmasking Autism Masquerade Ball 7PM @ CMC Neas Dining Atrium Event includes gourmet food, beverages and entertainment and benefits The Yampa Valley Autism Program. $75 @ www. yampavalleyautism.org Enough About You 10PM @ Schmiggity’s 4 Decades of Rock FREE. www.schmiggitys.com
Small Town World 6:30PM @ The Chief A musical journey from many countries around the world guided by Randy Kelley, Solange Chambers, Willie Samuelson, and Carey on drums! $10 @ ALL THAT or www.chieftheater.com Latin Dance Night 7PM @ Schmiggity’s Latin dance lessons followed by a night of Latin dancing. FREE. www.schmiggitys.com MONDAY APRIL 3 Exercise for Parkinson’s 9AM @ United Methodist Church. Targets balance, cardio, strength, dexterity and agility. To register, contact instructor Jacqueline Teuscher @ 303-829-2869 or jacqueline.teuscher@ gmail.com Nia Classes 10AM @ Yoga Lila Studio (1955 Bridge Lane) Fun, aerobic, non-impact workout. For info text/ call Patty Zimmer (970)846-5608 Live Band Karaoke 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Sing your favorite songs with a live band! FREE. www.schmiggitys.com TUESDAY APRIL 4
SUNDAY APRIL 2
Youth Job Fair 2PM @ Steamboat Springs High School Created specifically for youth 16 and up.
Circle R Sunday Brunch 10AM @ Circle R Gastropub
Discount Wing Day 4:30PM @ The Tap House 970-879-2431
Three Wire Winter Crash Course 1PM @ Library Conference Room The Library’s reference department presents a 30-minute crash course on the new digital oral history and magazine collection. Bring your own digital device. FREE. www. steamboatlibrary.org/ events
Token Tuesday 3:30PM @ Mountain Tap Brewery Receive a token for each craft brew purchased and chose which of 4 non-profits you will support. www. mountaintapbrewery.com
To submit your events or calendar information e-mail: matt@yampavalleyvoice.com Events may be edited for length or content. Calendar entries must be received by the 15th of each month. Historical Happy Hour 5:30PM @ Butcherknife Brewery “Tales from the Boys at the Bar” with local author Sureva Towler www.treadofpioneers.org Three Wire Winter Crash Course 5:30PM @ Library Conference Room The Library’s reference department presents a 30-minute crash course On the new digital oral history and magazine collection. Bring your own digital device. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events Art Workshop 6PM @ Arts Depot Introduction to the book as a medium for a creative pathway. www.steamboatarts.org Bud Werner Memorial Library presents 3 short films 6:30PM @ Library Hall “Red Wolf Revival”, “Gardeners of the Forest” and “Medieval Monsters” FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events National Screening Day of George Orwell’s “1984” 7PM @ The Chief The Chief Theater joins with almost 90 art house movie theaters across the country to Present this movie classic in support of the National Endowment for the Arts. A portion of the admission will be donated to local charities or used to underwrite Future community programming. $15 @ ALL THAT or chieftheater.com Two-step Tuesday 7PM @ Schmiggity’s Country dancing. FREE. Schmiggitys.com
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
WEDNESDAY APRIL 5 Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon 970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com Newcomers in Recovery 5:30PM @ 1915 Alpine Plaza #C-4 Meets weekly. (844) 955-1066 www. foundrytreatmentcenter. com Women Who Wine 6PM @ 385 Anglers Dr. Suite D. Join Yampa Valley Community Foundation for a unique giving circle by women for women. Learn more about the needs Of local non-profits while enjoying a glass of wine. www.steamboatchamber. com/community/womenwho-wine-APRIL Free Foreign Film Series – “The Ardennes” 6:30PM @ The Chief Following Kenneth’s release from prison, he and brother Dave are reunited. Kenneth wants to continue the life he led before prison, but Dave has cleaned up his act. FREE. www.chieftheater.com Karaoke Night 9PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys. com THURSDAY APRIL 6 Yoga for Parkinson’s Disease 11AM @ The Yoga Center of Steamboat For those with Parkinson’s and their caregivers. FREE. Please contact Jeanne at 846-3326 before attending first class. Tread of Pioneers Museum Behind the Scenes Tour 11AM @ Tread of Pioneers Take a docent led tour of
the museums behind-thescenes collections. FREE. www.treadofpioneers.org Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot Meet with other writers and share your works. FREE. www.steamboatwriters.com Stein Tag 2PM @ Butcherknife Brewing Bring your own stein & we’ll fill it for the price of a pint. People’s choice “Best Stein” contest at 6-ish. 970-879-BEER Kids Eat Free 4:30PM @ The Tap House Kids 12/under – Purchase 1 adult entrée get 1 kids’ entrée free Sunset Happy Hour 5PM @ Top of the Gondola www.steamboat.com Beer Run 5:30PM @ Twisted Trails A chance to get in a run and meet other runners Bud Werner Memorial Library presents “Hometown Habitat” 6:30PM @ Library Hall Presented in cooperation with Yampatika and Yampa River Botanic Park, this film and discussion covers conservation landscaping and re-introducing native species. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events Bernardus 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Americana/Rock/Pop FREE. www.schmiggitys.com FRIDAY APRIL 7 Awaken with Chopra Center Yoga 9:30AM @ Yoga Center of Steamboat A brief, inspirational teaching, meditation and all levels asana (movement). Chopra instructor Patty Zimmer. zimmer@springsips.com 970-846-5608
Steamboat Theatrical Society Noon @ Arts Depot Join theater enthusiasts to read and discuss theatrical works.FREE. Contact sstew@gmail.com for info. Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon 970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com First Friday Art Walk 5PM @ Downtown Steamboat. Self-guided tour of local art galleries, museums and alternative venues. FREE. Lost Steamboat Photograph Exhibit 5PM @ Creekside Café First Friday Artwalk kicks off this important exhibition of Tread of Pioneers Museum’s collection of photographs of significant and noteworthy buildings from Steamboat’s history. Collection will be on display through 04/30. FREE. www.treadofpioneers.org First Friday Art Walk @ Jace Romick Gallery 5PM @ The Chief FREE. www.chieftheater.com Art Walk Reception “Routt County Youth Art Show” 5PM @ Art Depot Enjoy wine and appetizers. Beth Liggitt designer jewelry on display in Platform Gallery. Light bites and wine provided. FREE. www.steamboatarts.org Whitewater Ramble – Led Zeppelin tribute show 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Rocky Mountain Dancegrass. $10. www.schmiggitys.com SATURDAY APRIL 8 Aquatic Aerobic Classes 9AM @ Old Town Hot Springs Pool Contact sallytestrake@ greencourtpartners.com or 970-761-2381 to register
Valley Voice
Drop-In Youth Art Workshop Noon@ Arts Depot Stringed Art – Yarn isn’t just for knitting! $20. www.steamboatarts.org Red Ball Express 3PM @ Gondola Square Over 100 red exercise balls racing down Stampede – proceeds benefit Ski Town Rotary Club. www.steamboatrotary.com/ redball-1 Bud Light Rocks the Boat Free Concert 3:30PM @ Gondola Square Steamboat Free Summer Concert Series Benefit 6PM @ The Chief Help keep the Free Summer Concert Series FREE! Silent auction (and FOOD!) begins at 6 and Yer State Birds take the stage at 7PM $25 at ALL THAT or www. chieftheater.com Euforquestra 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Funk/Soul/Reggae $10. www.schmiggitys.com SUNDAY APRIL 9 Circle R Sunday Brunch 10AM @ Circle R Gastropub Yampa Valley Music Teachers Association Annual Honors Concert 3PM @ United Methodist Church. FREE. 917-282-1704 Latin Dance Night 7PM @ Schmiggitys FREE. www.schmiggitys.com MONDAY APRIL 10 Exercise for Parkinson’s 9AM @ United Methodist Church Targets balance, cardio, strength, dexterity and agility. To register, contact instructor Jacqueline Teuscher @ 303-829-2869 or jacqueline.teuscher@ gmail.com
April 2017
21
Calendar of Events Nia Classes 10AM @ Yoga Lila Studio (1955 Bridge Lane) Fun, aerobic, non-impact workout. Helps relieve depression, heals the Body, & more! For info text/call Patty Zimmer (970)846-5608 Live Band Karaoke 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Sing your favorite songs with a live band! FREE. www.schmiggitys.com TUESDAY APRIL 11 Strings Music Festival 2017 Summer Concert Series tickets go on sale! Complete calendar available at www.stringsmusicfestival.com Discount Wing Day 4:30PM @ The Tap House 970-879-2431 Token Tuesday 3:30PM @ Mountain Tap Brewery Receive a token for each craft brew purchased and chose which of 4 non-profits you will support. www. mountaintapbrewery.com History Happy Hour 5:30PM @ Butcherknife Brewery “Outlaws: Tom Horn and the Bassett Family” Free craft beer for all who attend! www.treadofpioneers.org Bud Werner Memorial Library presents “National Bird” 6:30PM @ Library Hall This film follows whistle blowers who are determined to break the silence around U.S. use of drones in warfare. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events Two-step Tuesday 7PM @ Schmiggity’s Country dancing. FREE. Schmiggitys.com WEDNESDAY APRIL 12 Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instruc-
tor Eva Gibbon 970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com
Sunset Happy Hour 5PM @ Top of the Gondola www.steamboat.com
Newcomers in Recovery 5:30PM @ 1915 Alpine Plaza #C-4 Meets weekly. (844) 9551066 www.foundrytreatmentcenter.com
Beer Run 5:30PM @ Twisted Trails A chance to get in a run and meet other runners
Bud Werner Memorial Library presents “One Big Home: Man vs. Mansion” 6:30PM @ Library Hall Co-presented with the Yampa Valley Sustainability Council. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/events Karaoke Night 9PM @ Schmiggity’s FREE. www.schmiggitys.com THURSDAY APRIL 13 Yoga for Parkinson’s Disease 11AM @ The Yoga Center of Steamboat For those with Parkinson’s and their caregivers. FREE. Please contact Jeanne at 846-3326 before attending first class. Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot Meet with other writers and share your works. FREE. www.steamboatwriters.com Emerald Mountain School Shakespeare Production 1PM @ The Chief (school performance) 5PM (Community performance) FREE. www.chieftheater.com Stein Tag 2PM @ Butcherknife Brewing Bring your own stein & we’ll fill it for the price of a pint. People’s choice “Best Stein” contest at 6-ish. 970-879-BEER Kids Eat Free 4:30PM @ The Tap House Kids 12/under – Purchase 1 adult entrée get 1 kids’ entrée free
Impact 100 Presentation 6:30PM @ Steamboat Pilot and Today Yampa Valley Community Foundation 3rd presentation for season 11 Of Impact 100. www.yvcf.org Bud Werner Memorial Library presents Clase Gratuita de Yoga en Español. 6:30PM @ Library Hall Free Yoga practice taught in Spanish. FREE. www. steamboatlibrary.org/ events WE DREAM DAWN 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Alt. Folk FREE. www.schmiggitys.com FRIDAY APRIL 14 Coffee with Council 7:30AM @ Crawford Room @ Centennial Hall Discuss issues of interest with council members. FREE. Coffee and light refreshments provided. www.steamboatsprings.net Awaken with Chopra Center Yoga 9:30AM @ Yoga Center of Steamboat A brief, inspirational teaching, meditation and all levels asana (movement). Chopra instructor Patty Zimmer. zimmer@springsips.com 970-846-5608 Steamboat Theatrical Society Noon @ Arts Depot Join theater enthusiasts to read and discuss theatrical works. FREE. Contact sstew@gmail.com for info. Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon
970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com Super Fun Steamboat Show 7:30PM @ The Chief Steamboat Springs’ only variety show! New material every month! Adult content. $10 @ ALL THAT or www. chieftheater.com Larry and His Flask 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Punk Roots. $5. www. schmiggitys.com SATURDAY APRIL 15 Aquatic Aerobic Classes 9AM @ Old Town Hot Springs Pool Contact sallytestrake@ greencourtpartners.com or 970-761-2381 to register Cardboard Classic 10AM @ Base of the Ski Area Easter Eggstravaganza 10AM @ Steamboat Springs Middle School Free Easter egg hunt, bouncy houses, prizes and an appearance by the Easter Bunny! Drop-In Youth Art Workshop Noon@ Arts Depot Leather Art – make cool art using recycled leather $20. www.steamboatarts.org Bud Light Rocks the Boat Free Concert 3:30PM @ Gondola Square An Evening of Improv 6:30PM @ The Chief Tongue in Chief Players are back with more unscripted fun! Adult content. $10 @ ALL THAT or www. chieftheater.com Missed the Boat 10PM @ Schmiggity’s Party-Grass $5. www.schmiggitys.com SUNDAY APRIL 16 Bud Werner Memorial Library presents Community Yoga Practice 10AM @ Library Hall
Focusing on David Swenson’s “Ashtanga Yoga Forms” DVD. FREE. www.steamboatlibrary.org/ events Circle R Sunday Brunch 10AM @ Circle R Gastropub Closing Day Celebration 1PM @ Base of the Ski Area Splashdown Pond Skimming & closing day for 2016-2017 season Bud Light Rocks the Boat Free Concert 3:30 @ Gondola Square MONDAY APRIL 17 Exercise for Parkinson’s 9AM @ United Methodist Church Targets balance, cardio, strength, dexterity and agility. To register, contact instructor Jacqueline Teuscher @ 303-829-2869 or jacqueline.teuscher@ gmail.com Nia Classes 10AM @ Yoga Lila Studio (1955 Bridge Lane) Fun, aerobic, non-impact workout. Helps relieve depression, heals the Body, & more! For info text/call Patty Zimmer (970)846-5608 A Taste of History Noon @ Tread of Pioneers Museum This month’s talk focuses Routt County soups www.treadofpioneers.org TUESDAY APRIL 18 Discount Wing Day 4:30PM @ The Tap House 970-879-2431 Token Tuesday 3:30PM @ Mountain Tap Brewery Receive a token for each craft brew purchased and chose which of 4 non-profits you will support. www. mountaintapbrewery.com
Everything has been figured out, except how to live. –Jean-Paul Sartre
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April 2017
Valley Voice
Calendar of Events Bud Werner Memorial Library presents “Rachel Carson” 6:30PM @ Library Hall Documentary film about the scientist who launched the modern environmental movement. FREE. www. steamboatlibrary.org/ events WEDNESDAY APRIL 19 Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon 970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com Newcomers in Recovery 5:30PM @ 1915 Alpine Plaza #C-4 Meets weekly. (844) 9551066 www.foundrytreatmentcenter.com Poetry Slam 6PM @ Off the Beaten Path Share your original poetry and compete to win a $10 OTBP gift card. FREE. www.steamboatbooks.com THURSDAY APRIL 20 Business Education Series 8AM @ TBD www.steamboatchamber. com
Yoga for Parkinson’s Disease 11AM @ The Yoga Center of Steamboat For those with Parkinson’s and their caregivers. FREE. Please contact Jeanne at 846-3326 before attending first class. Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot Meet with other writers and share your works. FREE. www.steamboatwriters.com Stein Tag 2PM @ Butcherknife Brewing Bring your own stein & we’ll fill it for the price of a pint. People’s choice “Best Stein” contest at 6-ish. 970-879-BEER Kids Eat Free 4:30PM @ The Tap House Kids 12/under – Purchase 1 adult entrée get 1 kids’ entrée free Beer Run 5:30PM @ Twisted Trails A chance to get in a run and meet other runners FRIDAY APRIL 21 Awaken with Chopra Center Yoga 9:30AM @ Yoga Center
Circle R Sunday Brunch 10AM @ Circle R Gastropub
Cocktails with Council 4:30PM @ Carls Tavern Discuss issues of interest with City Council member. www.steamboatsprings.net
Kids Eat Free 4:30PM @ The Tap House Kids 12/under – Purchase 1 adult entrée get 1 kids’ entrée free
MONDAY APRIL 24
WEDNESDAY APRIL 26
Exercise for Parkinson’s 9AM @ United Methodist Church Targets balance, cardio, strength, dexterity and agility. To register, contact instructor Jacqueline Teuscher @ 303-829-2869 or jacqueline.teuscher@ gmail.com
Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon 970-8469887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com
Beer Run 5:30PM @ Twisted Trails A chance to get in a run and meet other runners
of Steamboat A brief, inspirational teaching, meditation and all levels asana (movement). Chopra instructor Patty Zimmer. zimmer@springsips.com 970-846-5608
SUNDAY APRIL 23
Steamboat Theatrical Society Noon @ Arts Depot Join theater enthusiasts to read and discuss theatrical works. FREE. Contact sstew@gmail.com for info. Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon 970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com SATURDAY APRIL 22 Aquatic Aerobic Classes 9AM @ Old Town Hot Springs Pool Contact sallytestrake@ greencourtpartners.com or 970-761-2381 to register Drop-In Youth Art Workshop Noon@ Arts Depot Paint on Water – learn paper marbling $20. www.steamboatarts. org
Nia Classes 10AM @ Yoga Lila Studio (1955 Bridge Lane) Fun, aerobic, non-impact workout. Helps relieve depression, heals the Body, & more! For info text/call Patty Zimmer (970)846-5608 TUESDAY APRIL 25 Discount Wing Day 4:30PM @ The Tap House 970-879-2431 Token Tuesday 3:30PM @ Mountain Tap Brewery Receive a token for each craft brew purchased and chose which of 4 non-profits you will support. www. mountaintapbrewery.com
Tread of Pioneers Behind the Scenes Tour 3PM @ Tread of Pioneers Museum Tour artifacts being preserved in our on-site Collections Care Facility. FREE. www.treadofpioneers.org Newcomers in Recovery 5:30PM @ 1915 Alpine Plaza #C-4 Meets weekly. (844) 9551066 www.foundrytreatmentcenter.com THURSDAY APRIL 27 Yoga for Parkinson’s Disease 11AM @ The Yoga Center of Steamboat For those with Parkinson’s and their caregivers. FREE. Please contact Jeanne at 846-3326 before attending first class. Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot Meet with other writers and share your works. FREE. www.steamboatwriters.com Stein Tag 2PM @ Butcherknife Brewing Bring your own stein & we’ll fill it for the price of a pint. People’s choice “Best Stein” contest at 6-ish. 970-879-BEER Chamber New Chamber Orientation 3PM @ Visitor Center, 125 Anglers Drive www.steamboatchamber. com
Poetry Slam at Off the Beaten Path For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
FRIDAY APRIL 28 Awaken with Chopra Center Yoga 9:30AM @ Yoga Center of Steamboat A brief, inspirational teaching, meditation and all levels asana (movement). Chopra instructor Patty Zimmer. zimmer@springsips.com 970-846-5608 Steamboat Theatrical Society Noon @ Arts Depot Join theater enthusiasts to read and discuss theatrical works. FREE. Contact sstew@gmail.com for info. Exercise for Parkinson’s 1:30PM @ United Methodist Church. To register, contact instructor Eva Gibbon 970-846-9887 or eva57gibbon@gmail.com SATURDAY APRIL 29 Aquatic Aerobic Classes 9AM @ Old Town Hot Springs Pool Contact sallytestrake@ greencourtpartners.com or 970-761-2381 to register Drop-In Youth Art Workshop Noon@ Arts Depot Super Artists! – Create your own costume and comic book. $20. www. steamboatarts.org SUNDAY APRIL 30 Circle R Sunday Brunch 10AM @ Circle R Gastropub Latin Dance Night 7PM @ Schmiggity’s Latin dance lessons followed by a night of Latin dancing. FREE. www. schmiggitys.com
Valley Voice
April 2017
First Friday Artwalk April 7, 2017 5 pm - 8 pm ART GALLERIES AND MUSEUMS
ALTERNATIVE VENUES
GALLERY 89 1009 Lincoln Ave 970.439.8196
FHYSICAL ELEMENTS PERSONAL TRAINING STUDIO 9th and Oak 970.846.0828 Kathleen Walsh is an award winning Colorado photographer who studied in art schools in NY, NY, and southern France. Kathleen was mentored by an internationally known photographer with National Geographic & Saveur Magazines. She has shown her photography in solo exhibitions throughout Colorado and Illinois. Her work hangs in private and corporate collections across the United States and Europe. www.katwalshphotography.com
JACE ROMICK GALLERY 813 Lincoln Ave 970.846.3877 Jace Romick’s photography capturing the American West and its lifestyle, paired with handcrafted artisanal frames to compliment his engaging photos. MANGELSEN-IMAGES OF NATURE 730 Lincoln Ave 970.871.1822 PINE MOON FINE ART 117 9th St 970.879.2787 Pine Moon Fine Art, 711 9th Street will feature an All Gallery Show. Bronze and Glass sculptures, Oil, Acrylic, Watercolor Paintings, Monotype works, Fiber Art, Photography and Jewelry. A gallery with all local artists. STEAMBOAT ART MUSEUM 807 Lincoln Ave 970.870.1755 STEAMBOAT SPRINGS ARTS COUNCIL AT THE DEPOT 1001 13th St. 970.879.9008 April 7• 4-7pm • Family Friendly First Friday Reception / 2017 Routt County Youth Art Show Join us to celebrate and showcase the talented, creative youth of Steamboat Springs with pizza and lemonade for Artwalk, and for Weekend Warrior Workshops every Saturday throughout the month of April. Details at www.steamboatarts.org STEAMBOAT SPRINGS CENTER FOR VISUAL ARTS 837 Lincoln Ave 970.846.7062
HARWIGS/LAPOGEE 911 Lincoln Ave 970.879.1919 HOLY NAME CATHOLIC CHURCH 524 Oak St 970.879.0671 SKITOWN COMPUTING 1104 Lincoln Ave 970.870.7984 STEAMBOAT SMOKEHOUSE 912 Lincoln Ave 941.321.2809 Julie McNally of McNasty.tron Image Collective captures the Steamboat lifestyle through images of action sports, outdoor expedition, astrophotography, landscapes, events, and more. She is the Young Bloods Collective featured artist at the Smokehouse Gallery for April. URBANE 703 Lincoln Ave 970.879.9169 Alex Sorapuru’s work is best recognized by its vibrant color palette and distinctive line work. His abstract representation incorporates a graphic flair as he works with marker and acrylic. Illustration by Cully Kistler
W Gallery 115 9th St 970.846.1783 CLOSED
HappyHours Last minute changes can and do occur - Mother Nature, illness, tour malfunction, whatever - the accuracy of this calendar is not guaranteed! 8th Street Steakhouse 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 p.m. Aurum Food & Wine 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Azteca Taqueria 4:00 - 5:00 p.m. & 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily
Old Town Pub 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily
The BARley 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
The Pit on 5th 2:00 - 6:00 p.m.
Big House Burgers 4:20 - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat. & 2 - 6 Sunday
Rex’s American Grill & Bar 4:20 - 6:00 daily
Cantina Mexican Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
The Rusted Porch 2:00 p.m.- 6:00p.m. daily
Carl’s Tavern 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
Salt and Lime 3:30 p.m.- 5:30 p.m. & 10:00 p.m.- 11:00 p.m.
Circle R Bar 4 - 6 p.m. Thurs-Saturday
Sake 2 U 3:30 - 5:30 p.m.
Colorado High 5 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
Sambi Canton 5:00 - 6:00 pm Monday - Saturday
Cuginos Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 - 11:00 p.m. daily Double ZZ BBQ 2:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Dude & Dan’s Bar and Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Late Night Happy Hour: 10:00 - 12:00 p.m. daily
Laundry 4:30 - 6p.m. Tues.-Sat. Low Country 4:30 - 6 p.m. daily
25% off
Off the Beaten Path After 4:00 p.m. daily
O’Neil’s Tavern and Grill 4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00 p.m. - 12:00 p.m. daily
Harwigs & L’Apogee: 5:00 - 6:30 p.m. daily
SPRING SOIL SALE!
McKnight’s Irish Pub 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 - 11:00 p.m. daily
Back Door Grill 4:00 - 7:00 p.m. daily & All day on Sundays
E3 Ranch & Chophouse Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
WILD HORSE GALLERY 802 Lincoln Ave 970.819.2850
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Mahogany Ridge 4:00 - 5:30 p.m. Late night happy hour: 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. daily Mambo Italiano 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. daily Mazzola’s Majestic Italian Diner 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily
Schmiggitys 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily Scratch 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Slopeside Grill 10:00 p.m.-12:00 a.m. Speakeasy At The V 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Steamboat Smokehouse 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 to 11:30 p.m. daily: Sunpies Cajun Bistro 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily Table 79 Foodbar 5:00 - 6:00 & 9:00 - 11:00 daily The Tap House Sports Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. weekdays Truffle Pig 2:00 - 5:00 p.m. daily Vaqueros Mexican Restaurant & Taqueria 2:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily
ALL soil during April!
2560 Copper Ridge Drive, Steamboat Springs, Colorado (970) 879-8577 There are only two real ways to get ahead today – sell liquor or drink it. – W.C. Fields
24
April 2017
Valley Voice
The Heretic
Mon.-Fri. 9-6 Sat. 9-5 Sun. 11-3
Modern Day Miracles
In Central Park Plaza
By Lorre Buss
instructed me to lie on my back on the floor. The EMTs soon arrived. After viewing the mark on my back from landing on the rack’s steel edge, she encouraged me to get an x-ray. By then, my discomfort had subsided and I felt no need for further care. I declined the woman’s offer to strap me to a gurney and transport me to the hospital by ambulance. Nonetheless, I understood the implications of a work-related injury and allowed my boss to drive me to the clinic.
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The physician’s assistant working that evening took images of my torso and the arm on which I had fallen. The concern that my kidney was bruised was all for naught. The PA diagnosed nothing but bumps and bruises. A day or two later when I met with the doctor, he seemed to feel the only serious injury was the contusion in my mid-back. “We’ve got to get that inflammation down!” he exclaimed, repeatedly insisting I take high doses of ibuprofen. Feeling no pain, I resisted for several days. When I finally complied, the swelling dissipated, leaving in its place bone rubbing on bone. The doctor referred me to the physical therapist next door to the clinic. The goal was that I recondition for full return to work as soon as possible. Kevin, the PT, informed me the bone rubbing on bone was due to an out of place rib. He relocated it and taped my side.
970-871-8500 www.zirkelwireless.com “…the angels, they brought you, and they’re gonna hold you up.” Shane Harper In a squatting position, I took a step forward into thin air. I was working as a stagehand and taping microphone cable to the upstage edge of the orchestra pit floor. Black curtains masked the four-foot gap between this deck and the surface of the stage above. As I pitched forward, it crossed my mind to grab the fabric, but I realized my weight would rip it down. It would not stop my fall.
1958 Chuck Berry 1926- 2017
After the emergency crew arrived, the lead EMT asked me if I’d lost consciousness. “No,” I replied, thinking she wondered if I had been knocked out from the impact. Eventually I realized I had blacked out twice, but both occurrences took place prior to my landing. Shortly after I fell facing upstage, tumbling head first to whatever lay below, I came to and discovered I was now looking downstage. I floated through the air in a seated position, feeling my body being gently lowered by a multiplicity of strong arms. Then I lost awareness again.
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I regained consciousness the second time to find myself sprawled on my back. My feet dangled over the abyss where the pit’s hydraulic lift stood exposed. One of my slip-on shoes was gone. The original trajectory of my fall would likely have resulted in me hitting head first on a lighting instrument rack or the concrete floor and suffering a broken neck or worse. Fortunately, having somehow been turned around, I landed on my amply padded bottom, bruising my feet, legs and an arm. An unfamiliar shooting pain in the middle left side of my back caused me to feel nauseous and faint. While we waited for the paramedics, my coworker Carl fetched an empty waste can on which to prop my feet and
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Fed up with incompetence, I changed doctors. I continued to feel something was wrong in my back, and I agitated for another x-ray. It was clear no radiologist had ever examined the first one. When I collected my medical file to deliver it to my new clinic, it contained no report about the initial image taken. My new caregiver was as certain as the first that the trouble was with soft tissue. X-rays do not reveal soft tissue damage, so he ordered an ultrasound instead. At my ultrasound appointment, the radiologist diagnosed a fractured rib. A fractured rib will heal on its own in six to eight weeks. Having received several weeks of “treatment” already, I terminated all doctor visits to allow my body to repair itself. Upon my return to the clinic, I was sent for a second x-ray to determine whether the break was mended. This time, an expert’s report declared that if my rib had been fractured, it was now healed. As my practitioner and I viewed the final image of my faultlessly structured rib cage, I explained that months earlier I’d felt bone rubbing against bone. I shared how Kevin had put my displaced rib back in place. The doctor couldn’t believe it. Aside from the calcification that commonly surrounds healed bone fractures, there was no evidence on the x-ray that there had been any injury at all. He expressed strong skepticism that something so horribly out of place could now be sitting exactly where it belonged, with virtually no sign of the trauma that had occurred. “Well,” he replied in an astonished tone, “that would be a miracle!” Perhaps it would, doctor. If so, it had not been the only one.
Valley Voice
April 2017
25
The Way I See It
Growing Up By Nina Rogers
It’s time to stop now. Stop the bickering and the namecalling and the pushing and shoving. Stop the blaming and shaming. Stop the “They started it,” and the “It’s your fault.” Really. We need to be done. Because it doesn’t matter whether we believe “They started it” or not; where does that dialogue take us? Nowhere. We will never all come to an agreement as to who started it or who is at fault, no matter how long we argue the point. And in the meantime, no solutions are being offered. We are not helping each other. We are not reaching out. We are not connecting. And during these tempestuous times, what we need more than anything is connection. I get it. When we point to what “they” are doing, we are distancing ourselves from behavior that makes us uncomfortable or of which we do not approve. We want to make sure that others know that we’re not “with them” in what they’re doing. But sometimes we have to let go of being right in order to connect. It’s not saying “You’re right and I’m wrong” or “I agree with you”; it’s saying “I believe it is more important for us to come together than it is for me to win this argument.” When we were children, we could do the whole “Did not!” “Did so!” thing seemingly forever, right? Getting in the last word seemed to be the most important thing in the world. But as adults, we’ve come to realize that it is often more important to make peace than it is to be right. And that’s where we are now. It doesn’t matter what this party used to do or say, or how that party used to act. It means nothing in the here and now. Let it go. Look instead for a way to move forward together. Look instead for ways to listen to one another. Look instead for things that we have in common. Look instead for ways to reach out. Because none of us can stand alone. We might as well admit that each and every one of us will at some point need a helping hand (cue Bill Withers Lean on Me). And if I cultivate only a circle of people who think the way I
think and believe the way I believe, I am limiting myself in so many ways. What potential lessons am I refusing? What potential experiences am I missing? What potential friends am I turning away? Do I have so many friends that I can afford to turn my back on more? Do I know so much that I can shut out more knowledge? Am I so perfect there can be no room for improvement? Most families have customs. Particular kinds of meals on particular holidays; gifts or songs or jokes or stories or ways of being with each other. Those customs change a little with each generation; as new family members are added through birth or marriage and the customs of their families are incorporated with the existing customs. These changes don’t so much dilute the customs as make them richer, more complex and meaningful for everyone involved. New stories get added to the family history and new branches get added to the family tree. But these adaptations can only happen if the participants are open to change. If they are all willing to admit that being together is more important than being right. In nature, the species that are likely to survive are the species most able to adapt to change – whether that be change in habitat, climate or food sources. The discomfort that we feel now is nothing more than old patterns giving way. Throughout history people have fought against changes they believed threatened them or their way of life. But in spite of their struggles, the changes have come. People who couldn’t or wouldn’t adapt suffered more than those who embraced the changes, but struggle or embrace, the changes came. Changes are coming again. And we will need each other to help each other through this time of great upheaval. It’s time now to try to find ways to come together, rather than continue to hold ourselves apart. Look at your language and habitual patterns of speech. Look at your actions and habits. Does what you say and do promote unity or division? Are you inclusive or exclusive? Do you want to be connected or right?
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26
April 2017
Valley Voice
The Wandering Rose
Nothing to Fear “What are you afraid of?” asked Audrey Rose as she ran her hands over Nick’s chest and abs. Her head was on his shoulder as she reached up and felt his pulse racing through his neck, the warmth of his arms, wrapped around her. “Nothing,” he replied pushing her onto her back and climbing on top, kissing her deeply. He pinned her arms down over her head lightly and asked, “What are you afraid of?” She smiled up at him. “Everything.” The heat from his body cradled her, his strength, the long length of his body covered her and in the cocoon of his body’s warmth, everything inside came alive until her body exploded with the fireworks of release. Her body went limp, the relaxation she had been seeking. She curled up into him.
“You know I don’t believe you,” he said as he stretched for a moment, everything tight, his skin soft, then giving into sleep. Audrey Rose woke the next morning buried in a mound of blankets in the back of Nick’s truck. The tailgate was open and their heads rested outside. Nick slept as Audrey Rose watched the morning star burn and fade into the pastels of dawn. She heard a raven’s wings cut through the air long before it landed in a tree nearby. It cocked its head, looking at her. “What are you afraid of, raven?” she asked it. The bird squawked and chattered, a long answer. Ravens didn’t have much to fear; the silver spark of a gun, the threat of their eggs being eaten – a game ravens played with each other, eating their unborn babies. Owls and hawks sometimes joined in that game of survival, too. But once grown, the raven was much like man, not much to fear. Nick stirred as Audrey finished up her conversation with the bird. “Good morning,” he said to her. “Good morning,” she smiled as she kissed him a hundred times all over his face, neck and chest. Their hands traveled over one another, as he held her close, breathing in the mountains through her hair. Nothing else mattered in moments like these, only touch, only bodies, only love. The thought startled Audrey Rose, caused her to jump. Nick held her even closer.
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And then she knew. Love was what she was afraid of. Even now she loved so freely, her love was crystals of frost in the air. They sparkled and shimmered, glittered and glowed, made you want to reach for them, but the minute you did they melted, slipped away and returned to the earth. Audrey Rose was troubled by the thought of love. What was so scary about love anyway? She said good-bye to Nick who pressed his body close to her, who could have been tempted to crawl back under the covers one last time but had rugby practice, so no time for him to linger, either. Audrey Rose walked into the woods. She walked through the woods. She walked next to streams, she walked over hills, climbed over rocks until finally she stopped mid step. A glacier lily was poking up from the ground and Audrey Rose had almost stepped on it. She shifted her weight to avoid crushing this first harbinger of spring. She bent down and kissed the flower and realized this flower was easy to love. Nature was the easiest thing in the world to love because nature didn’t care if you loved her back. She was whole with or without your love. There was a wiggling inside of Audrey Rose, a tickle. The raven flew past, had been following her and landed in the tree nearby chattering away. “You don’t care if I love you,” said Audrey Rose, “but I want to be loved.” Oh! Where had that come from? She had always been fine on her own, had thought she was perfectly happy with her cave and the wilderness and all the gifts she had been given in life. Wasn’t she whole? There was something red inside, the size of a stone that bled. Something that wanted to feel honest love between a man and woman, something that would require her to open up all the places inside and not be afraid of the other person walking away. Until now, she had either been with men she could trust to walk away or men that were easy for her to walk away from. She had never given any man all of her; she only gave the pieces she thought were the best. She looked at the raven who showed no fear, who only looked at her with intense curiosity. Audrey Rose studied the bird. “I will be curious too. I will let the world see me, all of me, every crack, every crevice, every line, every curve, my lava and my ice, my flowers and my wind, my day and my night.” The raven flew away doing somersaults in the air, as Audrey Rose continued her travels. She found a tree to sleep in that night in strong branches that held her weight. In the tree was an empty nest about the size of her hand, where a single downy feather rested. The raven circled above, dropped something to the ground before settling into its own nest in a tree nearby. The raven had led her to its home. Audrey climbed down the tree. On the ground was a ring that shimmered and sparkled, glittered and glowed. Audrey Rose slipped it onto her finger. The diamonds catching the light, throwing rainbows didn’t melt. They continued to shine.
Valley Voice
April 2017
Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide
Why So Serious?
27
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
It’s all about your Happiness
- Frank Sinatra
By Mr. Helpful, M.D.
Please … relax, it’s only a date. It’s just another human being; who also is looking to find someone to be happy with; maybe that someone could be you. On a first date, everyone wants to be liked, and getting WAY too serious on any topic of conversation might turn you into the, “You’re not really a fun person are you?” kind of date. This isn’t to say that every minute of any date needs to be a laugh riot/clown fest. This also isn’t to say that you yourself have to be a constant parade of jovial lighthearted anecdotes about how you did a thing so funny that it made milk come out someone’s nose on an elevator. Relax. It’s just a date. Though there are some, not everyone enjoys the awkward moments of silence when a topic comes up that just rips the world in half and two opposing opinions are at the same table. How that is handled by all parties involved will show their true stripes on many levels. Are they quick to stomp it down? Are they forceful to correct you for being wrong? Do they sit there and stare as if playing the part of a deer looking at oncoming traffic? I’m suggesting that when an opposing opinion to yours comes from your date that you handle it with tact and an “Aikido like” conversational move, such as: “Oh, so you say you were abducted by extraterrestrials just last week.... interesting. Well I certainly hope you are sleeping better and if not, perhaps we should cut our date a bit shorter so you can get the rest you need.” Ya see what I did there? I listened, I expressed empathy for an unusual situation and then I did a sneaky thing. The last part is a multifold sentence. Let’s break it down: #1 - It shows a concern for your date (making them think you care about them). #2 - It expresses that you might be a “into health and getting enough sleep makes for a better lifestyle” type of person and that you want to share this kind of lifestyle with your date. #3 - By offering to leave the date early, it shows that you are not in a rush to jump into, or desperate to be in, a relationship. This makes you appear to be a confident person, adding to you being helpful and caring as well. #4 - All of these other perfectly good reasons HIDE the fact that you are trying to run away from your date as if they have a bomb strapped to their chest. Only drunk people and A-holes point at another person and laugh in their face. Be nice and get out of any bad situation with grace, manners and your own dignity. If you can’t “2 out of 3” of those, just stop talking and walk away quickly.
What if YOU are putting TOO much pressure on yourself?!? On the corner of 40 and Hilltop Pkwy 10 to 10 Mon. – Thurs. 10 to Midnight Fri. & Sat. 11:30 to 7:30 Sundays
Dating is SUPPOSED to be FUN for everyone involved. But if you’re freaking out because you have built THIS date up in your mind to be this HUGE amazing, life changing, time and space altering, polar dimensional shift … well .. It’s not. … Relax, it’s JUST a date. Have fabulous long term relationships and marriages come from “just a date?” You betcha. But this isn’t going to be one of those. Those don’t happen to people like you and me. It happens to those other people. You’ll be going on a wonderful, standard in the industry, date. So relax. Enjoy it and pay attention to your date and what they say. You might have to answer a question or two. If you are listening, you’ll be ready. But if your brain is too tight from thinking too hard that you think you are blowing it, then you ARE blowing it and you need to relax. I don’t recommend drinking alcohol before a date, but some folks do it. Perhaps some calming tea or a distracting video. Maybe you should masturbate before the date to relax. Not RIGHT BEFORE the date, but an hour or two before. Just to calm your nerves. This is supposed to be FUN. DATING is supposed to be something that makes us happy to be doing. If you’re walking around with the tension of a piano string, worrying about the upcoming date, you just need to calm down my friend. It’s going to be fine. This is NOT a marriage proposal situation – Relax, it’s JUST a date. “But Mr. Helpful - what if they pressure me for sex?!?” … Well … make a healthy decision about who they are, what you want (short term AND long term) in life, ask them TONS of questions and don’t fall for their B.S. If YOU want to have sex with someone, then YOU get to make that decision. But once again - Relax, it’s JUST a date. A date is not sex. Sex is sex. IF things are not good … listen to Your GUT. If they are ALWAYS correcting someone else (you), getting the last word in on a subject, commenting on how what someone just said is not good enough until they make it better with their words, then F* them in the A*(and not in a good way). Trust your gut and just say “No Thank You.” Send them out for cigarettes and run the other way. You will have a better time without them. Not everyone has the same idea of what makes up a date and THAT is why being upfront about what to do, where to go and how much time to be together is very important to talk about BEFORE meeting. Communication is the key to making it all work out. Relax my friend, you’ll be fine. I believe in you.
Find Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide on Facebook, hit the LIKE button and read the expanded versions of this column and others. Next month - Ball Gags, wrist/ankle restrains and nipple clamps – How to spice up an office party.
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If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. –Dale Carnegie
28
April 2017
Valley Voice
Here Knitty-Knitty
Taxes in Transitions By LA Bourgeois
At the end of August, charges from Yellowstone National Park make a brief appearance. I’d wanted to visit since we moved to Steamboat. Three intensive days of exploration left me amazed at the otherworldliness of that corner of the natural world. Buffalo, geysers, tall trees blackened by swaths of fire, waterfalls, the giant Yellowstone Lake and the absolute dedication of that little dude running along the side of the road with his telephoto lens and his belly bouncing out from under his t-shirt so he could get “the shot” all shine in my memory of that trip.
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Thanks for a great season!
October brings its own set of gas stops, hotel rooms, and meals along the road as we crossed the country. That moment in Independence, Missouri where I did not make it to the bathroom in time. The one motel where we snuck Cappy in after darkness fell. A sandwich eaten on the lawn next to the convenience store.
Today I am finally getting the tax information over to our accountant. This is what happens when you allow yourself to get distracted by ANYTHING ELSE! ANYTHING! DON’T MAKE ME DO THE BOOKKEEPING! While I’m great with my clients’ finances, over the past year my own books deteriorated to the point of completely starting anew. Of course, I have THE BEST excuses. We made a huge move across the country; I left a steady job and began working for myself; we sold our house and are setting up a new homestead.
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Concerts in Gondola Square! Closing weekend!
Beverages on the deck with a great view! Join us!
The chickens, as my mother said, have come home to roost. Because of my neglect, I spent the last fourteen days piecing together last year’s financial picture instead of knitting. Each transaction reminds me of a part of our transition. Several charges for airfare, meals out, and groceries represent the January trip where the decision to move to North Carolina became cemented. Stephanie’s body responded so well to the influx of oxygen, we knew the change was necessary. Early June, another airfare charge heralds the arrival of Eric, my nephew, for his last summer trip to Steamboat. He biked all over town, taking amazing pictures and watching the trains. He triumphed while helping at Art in the Park. He even had his first published photo this year (the August cover of the Valley Voice)! Toward the end of July, my regular paycheck from the SSAC disappears. I transitioned out of that job when the house went on the market, expecting a quick sale. Packing and sorting and tossing and recycling became my job through mid-October when we finally left (the house sold in January).
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
My trip to Arkansas for one of my final visits with my Aunt Leola as she continues to forget people and places happened in October as well. I sit at Panera Bread to write my blog. Grocery shopping for the gathering of the cousins where Vicky crowed about my lack of experience with queso dip (FYI – velveeta and ro-tel melted together. It’s a classic from my youth, but I never liked it. Enjoy at your own risk). An escape of a Mexican lunch where I felt my mother’s sadness at her sister’s dementia, and relief that Leola was in a safe place which smelled of pancake syrup. My first visit to my new local yarn shop in North Carolina was followed by tears in the car. I still miss my community in Steamboat. A slight stab hits with the notation of the final purchase at Sew Steamboat, Azteca burritos grabbed at the last moment on my way home, one dollar to the SSAC testing the capability of the remote credit card scanner. Now, beginnings are piling up. Receipts for the remodel sit on my desk, ready for inclusion. The sale of the old house and purchase of the new one. Income dribbles in slowly as I start to send out inquiries and pitches. We settle in with memberships to the Biltmore Estate and dates at the movies and a new printer for the office. As I look out at 2017, I can see the new year’s journey starting already. My hands are finally at a point where I can knit again. My office slowly gets organized. I’ve pledged to spend at least one day each month reconciling the accounts so we always know where we are financially. I’m the dog that you only have to hit once with the newspaper. Maybe twice if I get distracted. Hey, what yarn is in that box over there? LA Bourgeois now knits and writes in the mountains of western North Carolina. Follow her adventures online at http://www.housewyfe.com, Instagram @lahousewyfe, and Facebook at facebook.com/housewyfe.
Valley Voice
April 2017
29
Poetry
Energetically Speaking
Symbiotic
Dogging it on Walton Peak
By Fred Robinson
By Patrick D. Curran 1. At my best I just keep pace With the rush and crush Of the human race But on a winter’s day When the sun is high I step back From the weary pack 2. My nerves strung tight My head a-throbbing I’m ready for Some mindless slogging Lashing on snow shoes I carefully tread The well-packed trail To the snow fields up ahead Silver cirrus clouds drift by Setting off the blue, blue sky The creek appears A ripple, and a splash of green Wow! I enjoy the change of scene
Fred Robinson filling up with E85 Our new puppy has a symbiotic relationship with Magpies! She likes to bite branches off bushes around our house. Ziggy bites off six inches to a foot of branch, chews on it, then drops it to get another. The birds are building a mansion of a nest with the material she is making. This morning both Magpies were on the ground and chasing one of our cats back to the house. Not sure about that relationship. Ethanol has a symbiotic blend with gasoline. The magic blend was figured out years ago, by me. Somewhere around 30% ethanol mixed with gasoline, E30, makes more power and gives better mileage than either fuel can achieve on their own. Recently Ford and Mercedes Benz announced that E30 will give a car 7% better mileage and 7% less harmful emissions in any engine, no modifications are necessary. This can be done now with all vehicles and offers an easy way to reduce pollution. I figured out how well E30 works ten years ago. I asked a GM engineer at a grand opening of an E85 dispenser in Colorado Springs if he knew about this. Governor Ritter was there with a lot of media and quite a few Flex-Fuel vehicles from different manufacturers. I had my Hummer there too and filled the tank with E85 for 85 cents a gallon. The engineer explained that higher octane from the ethanol allowed more power from a lower throttle position. Less gas pedal used less fuel and provided the same power. The injectors put in less fuel and the mileage is better. Pretty simple, eh?
3. Clunk, clunk, clunk I tramp along the well blazed trail That weaves across the boundless vale I will admit, it’s so The vale’s a place I rarely go Then click and clack My mind snaps back To a former life You see, I was a dolphin Yes, that was me Sailing o’er the emerald sea Today, I’ll be a catamount Or, perhaps a rainbow trout 5. Just then a shaggy dog Lopes down the trail And plunges in the unmarked vale Head and tail come and go As she wallows in the snow She returns with a grin And nuzzles up to me Then sails off to mark a tree 6. Suddenly, I plunge deep Into the bounding snow Furrowing and burrowing I romp about, I make my route As dogs well know A bluebird day is meant for play And then it comes to me A dog is what I want to be
Gaia’s Revenge By John Wittum
With respects to poet Edwin Arlington Robinson who first portrayed a century ago the dark side of American Exceptionality When Robinson’s Cassandra warned of Dollar worship by Our nation’s countrymen, the busy laughing crowd moved on Dismissing her grim message that had quietly proclaimed The blind pursuit of money leads to soulless, mindless might. * The droughts in Western Asia which began four decades back Were signals of colossal climate shifts, coincident With disappearing ice from glaciers and the poles And subsequent sea level rise around the world. With dryness came the wars between competing states and creeds, Replete with all the relics of religious righteousness. In to this turbulence then stepped Exceptionality So vastly arrogant, it thought it could transform by war A country’s way of life and government, and further yet, So daftly ignorant, it babbles ceaselessly That man’s activities do not affect world climes! * Can Nature yet recover from the ruin of her globe – Her heated, sickened oceans and her ravaged, poisoned lands By savaging man’s reproductive rates in such a way That deadly pathogens might do what Homo Sapiens could not?
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What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. –Mark Twain
30
April 2017
Valley Voice
Yepelloscopes
Your Monthly Message By Chelsea Yepello Aries
f a e L lden
Go
ES
ER
EDIBL
FLOW
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Gemini
May 20 - June 20
Scorpio
CBDs
ATES
TR like to During your last days, ENwould NCyou Ospent C say that you have your life molding S LASand G minds shaping lives of the next generation. Unfortunately your last days will come sooner than later when your molding and shaping idea takes a very dramatic and bloody turn. Leo
June 21 - July 22
Sagittarius
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July 23 - August 23
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actions that you take. Choice and free will… always ruining everything and leaving no one to blame.
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www.GoldenLeaf.co For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
November 22 - December 21
It’s hard to lose someone close to you, especially when it’s over a river card and when you have a pair of aces.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19 REL You will gain some self-confidence this week A P P A
Though the company swears that its product will attract women and make them uncontrollably tempted by you, somehow when you spray it on, their eyes start to water and they can’t stop coughing. It just makes becoming a player to the ladies a bit harder when they can’t breathe.
Virgo August 23 - September 22 L despite you best efforts, it turns out Well, E R APPA that you are in control of your life and the
October 24 - November 21
Then it occurs to you that your roommate’s elevated aggression cannot be blamed on the drugs and alcohol they regularly ingest; it’s because of the realistic and violent video games they play. And to think, all of those uptight parents were actually right all of these years.
There is a time and a place for everything… though some might say that you still haven’t found a relevant reason to dress like Peter Pan and throw glitter in everyone’s faces.
Cancer
September 23 - October 23
The steamy dream you had last night about the girl from the café was amazing… inspiring… eerily vivid… and somehow your pillowcase is missing.
After a very unusual moment, and someone posting you on the internet, it will become the norm to be stopped by strange men losing their hair and asked to sign their bald spots. It doesn’t make sense now, but it will.
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Libra
March 21 - April 19
You will be pleasantly surprised when you discover that the potion to a happy and healthy life is yellow flavored Gatorade. It is slightly bitter sweet to you that the key to a good life is a drink with nothing natural in it and it’s named after a color instead of a flavor.
when you stare at yourself in the mirror for a solid five minutes and finish with a slow clap dedicated to yourself. Somehow, believing in yourself was a little easier than you thought.
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
To clear up any questions, no she did not break up with you because of your commitment issues or you’re problems with expressing the way you feel. It just that your obsession with Dead Pool got really old.
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Life can sometimes feel like a baby born with ten fingers and ten toes… which is normally a good thing… unless you’re the mother of a three toed sloth.
Valley Voice
By Matt Scharf
The Worst Easter Egg Hunt Ever
April 2017
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April 2017
For those who live here and for those who wish they did.
Valley Voice