A little boy and girl are sitting in a sandbox playing. The little boy farts and it ruffles the sand a little. The little girl asks him, How did you do that? He says, You just gotta push real hard. Sometimes it takes a while. So the little girl starts pushing real hard and starts turning red. After a few minutes she let’s out a huge fart it blows all the sand and the little boy out of the sandbox! Then she passes out from pushing so hard. The boy gets up, brushes himself off and walks over to the girl and lifts her skirt up and says, just what I thought! Dual exhaust! A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. “Do you enjoy it?” The doctor asked. “Actually, yes, I do.” “Does it hurt you?” he asked. “No. I rather like it.” “Well, then,” the doctor continued, “there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.” The woman was mystified. “What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?” “Of course,” the doctor replied, “Where do you think politicians come from?” An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...walk into a very fine restaurant. “I’m sorry,” says the maître d’, after scrutinizing the group... “You can’t come in here without a Thai. “
36 - TRMI FEBRUARY 2014
www.thunderroadsiowa.com
I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts. “Really?” she said. “Go on then... Try.” After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience. “Come on,” she demanded, “What day was I born on?” “Yesterday?” I replied. A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed my ass”, he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me you can have me!” Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, “I like the way this company does business.” The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.” He’s after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it’s worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he’s ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. “Are you sure,” asks the representative on the phone, “this is our most rigorous program...” “Absolutely,” he replies. “I haven’t felt this great in years!” The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a feminine looking male fitness expert standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, “If I catch you, I can have you!” Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook