The Rules We Live By: Gender Norms and Ideal Images
that a good husband “nowadays even takes care of the children if it is necessary.” In rural Tanzania, where gender norms remain quite traditional, a good husband is involved in few household tasks and is appreciated if he only visits with friends “until early evening and then comes home for supper.” The focus groups also reflected on the good husband of the previous generation. They generally reported him as being a good provider and hardworking, but more strict and less affectionate toward his wife and children than today’s good husband. Groups disagreed about whether a good husband of the past was more violent toward his wife or more likely to have affairs than today; however, most conveyed that good husbands used to drink less. The women’s focus groups were much less likely than men’s to look favorably upon the good husband of the past who “hardly listened to his wife.” In contrast to the women’s views of favorable trends, the men often expressed nostalgia for the days when husbands enjoyed more respect and knew better “how to keep his family under control.” A man from University Quarter, West Bank and Gaza, mentioned a time when a good wife “helped her husband and did not make him feel that he is lacking anything.” In sum, men almost everywhere continue to be the dominant household authority figures and breadwinners. For their part, women continue to be held to strict account for the large majority of household work and care, no matter what other roles they may play beyond the household. Depending on the neighborhood or village, the relaxation of gender norms was portrayed as either incremental or a somewhat faster blurring of women’s and men’s roles and responsibilities. But these changes are generally happening more quickly in urban contexts. Finally, the focus groups conveyed idealized notions about good wives and good husbands who enjoy harmonious and cooperative relations, but their ensuing discussions of how marital relations have changed over the generations suggested a more stressful picture. The men expressed a particular concern that the good husband is losing control over his life and his family, and their testimonies seem to question their present roles in society. Their frustrations cannot be taken lightly. In general, the discussions about a good wife and good husband display the same patterns that we find elsewhere in the dataset: women perceive that they are gaining more independence and freedom, while men often expressed a growing sense of powerlessness.
The Good Girl, the Good Boy Girls and boys learn at an early age how they are expected to behave according to their sex. Gender norms are passed on by parents, school teachers, and peers. Furthermore, when they reach adolescence, any flexibility that the girls and boys may have had while growing up tends to disappear, and compliance with gender norms is tightly enforced. In adolescence, at the same time that the physical changes of puberty appear, gender role definition intensifies. Girls move from childhood to adult roles, such as wife, mother, and worker; and boys become workers, providers, and fathers.5 On Norms and Agency • http://dx.doi.org/10.1596/978-0-8213-9862-3
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