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The Rules We Live By: Gender Norms and Ideal Images
When we compare our urban and rural communities, we find that rural settings more often stick close to the traditional prescribed norms. Particularly with the productive role, we see some dissent among focus group participants. In rural Afghanistan and the Republic of Yemen, for instance, where it is not customary for women to work for pay, the women declared that “income is not our responsibility.” In a semi-rural community of Ngonyameni, South Africa, the women indicated that good wives can work, but there was disagreement in the men’s group. One man from this community suggested that a working woman can even contribute more income than her spouse, while another insisted that “good wives do not work; they stay at home and care for the children.” Many rural women work on family plots and tend their own gardens and small livestock, but these farm or household activities are often perceived as extensions of their household roles. However, focus groups noted that a good wife earning outside income also announces that the household is experiencing undesirable circumstances. For instance, poor widows may have little choice but to seek jobs outside their households that provide some cash income (see box 1.1). When asked how a good wife balances her many responsibilities, from work to family life, a common response from both urban and rural groups was that a
Box 1.1 Nontraditional Households Focus groups most often discussed good wives and good husbands in relation to a monogamous couple in a nuclear family. On the rare occasions when they mentioned other types of households, women living in such arrangements were often portrayed as more vulnerable and powerless than when attached to a mate. If a woman in a village in (Odisha) India separated from her partner, she had to forfeit custody of her children; she could not expect alimony or a share of household property; she would “feel helpless even in her parents’ home”; and she might be forced to remarry an elderly man. In communities in the sample where polygamy is practiced, monogamy was named by both women and men as a quality of a good husband. Sharing husbands and resources with multiple wives or living with in-laws, parents, or other relatives can be disempowering for women. In Tangerang, Indonesia, a 38-year-old widow lamented, “At present I live with my kids and parents, and still rent a house. I used to be happy because I had a husband.” Sudanese focus groups talked about the great stigma and gossip that widows face because villagers assume they are “having relations with men.” In a few communities, family laws are making separations somewhat easier for women and men. A single woman, whether a mother or not, may in some contexts enjoy greater freedom of action, status, and control of assets than a married woman. A women’s focus group in Liberia explained that better-off widows can get on with their lives, “but if the deceased husband was poor and her kids are still young, then she would suffer a lot unless relatives stand beside her.” Similarly, in rural Papua New Guinea, better-off widows are the only women who can own land in the village. And in Afghanistan, focus groups explained that elderly widows enjoy a lot of independence and can travel in public because they are too old to shame family honor and are perceived to be the “mothers of society.”
On Norms and Agency • http://dx.doi.org/10.1596/978-0-8213-9862-3