Pa r t I
Gender Norms
One of Sisum’s most unforgettable childhood memories was an angry outburst by her father when she asked why men and boys always dined first in Samtse, her small village in southern Bhutan.1 Sometimes this meant that Sisum had to wait to eat until late in the afternoon if her father had business in neighboring towns. “I am not so used to this,” she recounted of her hunger and frustration with the delays, “because in my uncle’s house [in the city] such practices are not followed. They are all educated and they feel it is not right.” Sisum lives with her uncle’s family in Thimphu, Bhutan’s capital, during the months she is in school. She is also “sad for mother, who is always working so hard in the house and she does not even get to eat a meal together with the rest of the family.” This eventful day, Sisum found the courage to ask her mother about the mealtime tradition, but her mother only explained that it “has been followed since our ancestors’ time.” Searching for a reason that made more sense to her, Sisum then sought out her father for an explanation. Her father, however, responded by completely losing his temper over her question, directing his rage at her mother: Before our marriage, you were nothing. Your family members were poor and we always had to support them. I am fed up with your family members and this is the third time that you have gone against the culture and tradition that we follow in this house. It is you who have instigated Sisum to question these things. How does a girl of her age learn how to talk like this? ... In this house, you all are supposed to do what I say. I am the head of the family. Without me, you would not have proper shelter or even meals to eat. How dare you complain and question why women have to eat after men. It is up to us whether we want you to eat after men or not eat at all.
Sisum’s brother had to step in during their father’s furious eruption to prevent her mother from being beaten in front of the family and servants. On Norms and Agency • http://dx.doi.org/10.1596/978-0-8213-9862-3
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