July Magazine 2012

I lost all my friends. My anger and my fear drove everyone who attempted to get close to me away. For good. My existence has been excruciatingly lonely – but subconsciously I thought I was safe from anyone else harming me. I was so terrified of people and never connected the reasons why.

My physical scars I will carry forever. Often people ask about my “pigmentation” – unwittingly pointing out the pain I’ve lived every second of every day for more than 3 decades. These scars will never fade.

The utter sadness at a childhood lost, and adult life never to meet it full potential still bring me to tears almost daily, however I am learning to live with these scars.

I first met Kylee a couple of years ago. She is the incredible power behind Razing Hell, the film. We were told we wouldn’t get along. I now consider her one of my closest friends and trust Kylee with things I never trusted anyone else with. She knows me inside and out. She doesn’t judge me. She knows what to say, when to say it and how to say it. She tolerates my moods and tells me exactly how it is.

Before Kylee and I met, she had never met someone “like me” before.

Child abuse had never touched Kylee’s life thankfully, so I led her into an abyss or horror. At times she cries at the sadness she sees in survivors eyes. Sometimes she just hugs me and I know what she is thinking. I know that she will never completely understand the pain of me and the other survivors she meets – but Kylee has an empathy which is really indescribable.

Throughout the past couple of years there have been many twists and turns in my life and in the story of my fight for justice. I have cornered the Papal Nuncio requesting a meeting with the pope.

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