July Magazine 2012

Send your questions to voicesunited@oabivoices.org Dear S.B, I am 17 years of age and I have a close friend whom I have known for years this friend tells me what to do and how to think I feel uncomfortable but I love my friend and cherish our friendship and I do not want to end the friendship but I need her controlling to stop, I have tried to speak to her about it on many occasions but she does not listen to me and I cannot see myself without her friendship, please tell me what can I do to stop her from being controlling but to keep our friendship.

Confused. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Confused, By your own admission you acknowledge that you feel uncomfortable with the relationship the problem which you have is defining boundaries and sticking to them it is also clear that your friend needs help and counseling allowing her to continue controlling because of fear is not helping her but destroying her as with each level of controlling your friend will begin to think that her behavior and is right and should be accepted not only by you but also by everyone around her.

You need to make a serious decision would you prefer to have your entire life controlled and dominated by another human being or would you like to be free to make your own choices and decisions.

This relationship also shows that you also have some personal issues which you need to deal with you need to work on your confidence as you believe some how deep within that you need to have someone to direct you, control you, and make decisions for you.

If you are happy with this relationship then do not complain or seek help if you are not then you need to do something about it and if your friend truly cares for you and loves you she will accept, respect, and encourage your decision. ~S.B 157