All Rights Reserved Copyright 2008 by Marvin Pressman No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the permission in writing by the author.
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Cover and Layout by Jerry Wall
Printed in the United States of America First Printing
For more information or to order additional books, please contact: Marvin the Pressman Inc 3999 Simms St Hollywood, Florida 33021 USA 954 985 9498
Overcoming Rejection Marvin Pressman
Dedication This book is dedicated to my wife Joan who has stood by me all these years. Your honesty and encouragement have blessed me. You have inspired me with your courage and strength. You are my hero. My love for you will never change.
Acknowledgements I want to thank the Lord for creating this book. It is my prayer that He will use it to draw people closer to Him and that He will cause many to take heed to its message. I want to thank Ruth Pirrie for editing and proofreading this book. I want to thank all my friends who have read my drafts and for your input. I want to thank Jerry Wall for the layout, design and artwork. I greatly appreciate your endless patience with all the revisions. You are a valued friend, great brother and a gifted teacher! I cherish your friendship!
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CONTENTS Suffering Rejection..............................................................1 Causes for Rejection............................................................6 Symptoms of Rejection........................................................9 The Cure for Rejection......................................................11 How to Overcome Rejection.............................................13
Forward “As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious…” 1 Peter 2:4 “He came unto his own, and they that were his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he the right to become children of God.” John 1:11
“Overcoming Rejection” is a universal message to just about everyone. I remember years ago when Marvin first preached this message the people were just blown away by its power and relevancy. That’s because just about everyone has been rejected in one way or another and often the impact of that rejection stays with you even into your spiritual life. I had personally suffered a lot of rejection as a kid from an alcoholic father and secondly by many of my peers because I was a small dorky kid. I grew up very poor and got rejected by the middle class kids and even my best childhood friend approached me as a young teenager and said he could not be my friend any more because I wasn’t “cool enough”. Later as a born again Jesus Freak I got a lot of rejection from the church because I was a long haired Hippy. Marvin’s message helped me to see that God’s acceptance is the answer to man’s rejection. Messiah went out of his way to reach those who were ostracized for their infirmities or rejected for their lifestyle. Jesus loves the rejected because He himself was rejected by many but He also understood that the Father loved Him and that if God be for us who can be against us. Marvin’s message is just as impactful today because every generation deals with the hurt and pain of rejection and every generation has the same hope of a redeemer who willingly accepts those who are cast down or cast out. Be encouraged in this informative and humorous message on how you too can overcome rejection
- Gerald L Wall
SUFFERING REJECTION
When I was young, I used to watch a program on TV every Saturday called Roy Rogers and the Sons of the Pioneers. Often they would sit around the campfire singing: Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam, Where the deer and the antelope play; Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, And the skies are not cloudy all day. Home, home on the range, Where the deer and the antelope play; Where seldom is heard a discouraging word, And the skies are not cloudy all day. Can that be said of us today? As we begin this study, let’s look at a few Scripture passages: “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:1-3).
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“He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” (Isaiah 53:3). “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer. Let all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed suddenly.” (Psalms 6:6-10). This last passage in Psalms gives us a true picture of rejection. Over the years, I’ve observed that one of the main things hindering people from coming and flowing together in any way . . . is the power of rejection! People begin to wonder what other people are thinking of them. How are they being received? Are they being rejected? Oftentimes when people feel rejected, they neglect to make or invest in the vital friendships that we all need. At one time or another, all of us have suffered REJECTION in some way. We have suffered by REJECTING others, or we have suffered by REJECTING ourselves. I remember the first time I was asked to preach. My sermon was titled, “The Lord Is My Shepherd” – and it was the worst sermon ever preached! I remember Ed, the man who had asked me to preach, covering his head. I was imagining him saying to himself, “What did I do?” I also recall a time when I was traveling in a messianic group called The Jewish Hope. My friend, Larry, was praying for a lady, and I was standing behind her. She started falling backward, and I started to push her back up. My friend Larry said, “Let her fall.” So I did. When she landed on the concrete floor, her wig fell off. She was bald. I decided that if there were a next time, I better try to catch the person on the way down. Page 2
Another time I was in a meeting and went up for prayer. My friend, Neil, was praying for some young woman. I was behind her – and she, too, started to fall back. I was ready to catch her. But as she fell, unbelievably, her blouse got caught in my hands, and I ripped it off her. There I was, looking down at her and thinking, “Thank God, she is wearing a bra!” Another lady came by and covered her up. She thought I was some kind of pervert. After that, they wouldn’t let me catch anymore! Some people go out of their way to reject you or make you reject them. We all know that if we have ever been rejected, it is no laughing matter! But listen to this: the Scriptures tell us the Lord devises ways to restore those who have been banished from His presence (2 Samuel 14:14). While others reject us, God thinks of ways to draw us to Him, to restore us to Him. He restores those of us who have been outcasts, banished from his presence. If the Lord cares that much for us, what an encouragement it is to care about those around us each day! We read in Matthew 9:9-13: “And as Jesus passed forth from thence, he saw a man, named Matthew, sitting at the receipt of custom: and he saith unto him, Follow me. And he arose, and followed him. And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners? But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Here Jesus makes a declaration! He says that if you are an outcast, if you are someone who has been rejected for one reason or another (be it religious, social, emotional, physical, marital or family) . . . you are sick and need a doctor! Page 3
Praise the Lord, we have a Doctor who will come to us in our sickness! Jesus says He has come to restore those who are rejected – and that those who are rejected need to be restored by the Great Physician! Being a Jewish believer, I have encountered rejection by my own people. We, Jewish believers in our Messiah Jesus, are often Meshummed, traitor. My Uncle Charlie who was not a religious Jew, to say the least, said he would rather see me with a needle in my arm than for me to believe in Jesus. Jesus gave the antidote for rejection: He speaks of mercy and sacrifice! Although these things are good, mercy and sacrifice will not do the job when it comes to restoring those who are rejected and are outcasts! The only true remedy is the compassion of the Lord, operating through a person with a heart full of agape love that reaches out just as Jesus did. In the same way, the Father is devising ways to restore those who have been rejected – and even goes so far as to make house calls. Instead of REJECTING one another we need to REACH OUT to one another. When someone hurts or rejects us, we must get rid of that attitude which says: Forget him or her. I am never going to call him or her again. Isn’t it wonderful to know that we still have a Great Physician who makes house calls? Hardly any doctor makes house calls today, but the Lord makes house calls on a regular basis. One of the main reasons He does so is because He wants to heal and touch us if we have been rejected in any way. The people Jesus was addressing (back in Matthew 9) were those rejected for religious reasons. (The Sadducees did not believe in the resurrection while the Pharisees did. That is why they were sad, you see!) These people did not fit in with the accepted religious norm and Page 4
were considered outcasts. As a Jewish believer in Jesus, I can identify with this passage of Scripture. I’ve been beat up, kidnapped, spit upon, and spied upon by Hasidic Jews. We in the body of Christ do the same. When someone comes to us who appears different to our way of thinking, or is perhaps tattooed, too fat or too thin, too tall or too short, we do what the Pharisees and Sadducees did. We reject them. When Jesus came, He came to liberate those that are bruised; He came to heal the brokenhearted. Yet . . . we who call ourselves Christians are normally the ones who are doing the bruising and heartbreaking! We sing to be more and more like Jesus, but we end up being like the old man, Adam! One of the main reasons Jesus addressed Himself to those rejected for religious reasons is because He recognized how very powerful religious rejection is! It is probably the cruelest of all types of rejection. But the good news is this: the Gospel is designed to bring a person into the body of the Messiah in such a way that where he had rejection all his life, he now receives acceptance. Rejection is a very powerful spirit. Jesus came as the Great Physician so that He might restore those needing a physician – because they were rejected as outcasts. The only thing that will really restore those who are rejected is compassion. Let’s look at the causes, symptoms, and cures for rejection. But first, we need to define it. Rejection is the sense of being unwanted and unloved – the sense of being cast away as worthless. Although you want people to love you, you do not feel that anybody really does. You are not worthy of their love or affection. You do not have that inward feeling or sense that you have ever been loved. You feel excluded, like you are on the outside looking in. You can sit in a meeting of over 200 people and still feel distant, alone, excluded, and detached. Page 5
CAUSES FOR REJECTION A first cause for rejection may be physical problems. Perhaps you have a physical issue that either the whole world considers a problem or maybe just you think is a problem. It might be bad teeth! It might be no teeth, and therefore you are afraid to smile so you cover your mouth when you talk. It could be that you think you are too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, or a number of other things. These kinds of things – physical concerns – that cause people to feel rejected have a very real impact. In my own case, it is that I am the best looking guy in this room. All kidding aside, it has always been my weight. Another cause for rejection is social status. The rich reject the poor; the poor reject the rich. I remember the rich kids at Miami Beach Senior High School where I attended. My father was a janitor. The rich kids were driving nice cars while I was driving a Vega. Social status can cause us to have very real feelings of rejection. I remember asking girls out, and they would say, “No!” I once really liked a woman and sent flowers to her place of work. I asked her how she felt about me, and she said, “Please don’t make me tell you how I feel about you.” I want to tell you, that is not a good sign. I remember my friend, Alan, crying when his girlfriend, Amy, said yes to his marriage proposal. Finally a woman said yes! Another cause for rejection is our failures or perceived failures. Some of us have done things that cause others to reject us. Perhaps we have displayed an attitude of unforgiveness, bitterness, envy, or strife – and in return, people reject us. Page 6
Or maybe you have gone bankrupt, and people know about it. You feel self-conscious, and you feel rejected. Or perhaps it is your living conditions; you can’t afford a nice house. Perhaps your father or mother were or are alcoholics or drug addicts and therefore you feel ashamed to have people come visit you. My mother’s family never really accepted my father because he came from a home that did not have money. “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14). Perhaps you have recently been divorced. “For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.” (Isaiah 54:6). When a husband and wife come together physically, that woman is becoming known of that man, and that man is being known of that woman. It is more than just flesh. It is the whole body, soul, and spirit that are being exposed; it is the whole personality. Then when one person is betrayed in some way, it makes a deep impact upon the spirit that only the Lord can heal. “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very [intimate] friends.” (Proverbs 17:9). When people do hurtful things toward us, if our goal is to restore people, then we will not tell anyone else. We will be forbearing. Yet if we whisper, if we gossip or complain about it, we will separate intimate friends. When people are not forbearing, and they begin to tell others how they have been hurt and wounded – instead of taking it to the one responsible – it can separate intimate friends. Another cause for REJECTION is being the brunt of jokes or jesting. Do you know how cruel joking and jesting can be? I remember my friend, Larry, telling jokes about my friend, Neil. Neil Page 7
has a big nose. Larry would say that when Neil was swimming on his back in the ocean, the life guard would yell out, “Shark!” Larry would point to me and say, “Marvin is our business manager.” Then, gesturing towards my girth, he would say, “You can see where all our profits are going.” Oftentimes, I would pray for the Wisdom of Solomon, and Larry would tell me that I didn’t even have the wisdom of a normal person. They are people who say things like, “He is retarded,” not thinking that perhaps there may be a parent nearby with a retarded child. Sometimes we call people names like “idiot” and “jerk” and worse. I remember seeing the movie about the life of Bruce Lee. In one scene, Bruce was at a movie, and the entertainers were mocking Chinese people. Children and teenagers are probably the worst ones with this, calling others “Four-eyes” or “Fatso” – but their attitudes often stem from parents who have never taught them compassion. “A naughty person, a wicked man, walketh with a froward mouth. He winketh with his eyes, he speaketh with his feet, he teacheth with his fingers; Frowardness is in his heart, he deviseth mischief continually; he soweth discord. Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly; suddenly shall he be broken without remedy.” (Proverbs 6:12-15). The “little” comments people make can have a real impact on you. I remember a time when I was working at a Christian business. I was in the lunch room with a man named Mark, and he said to me, “You know, Marvin, you sure are fat!” This man spoke wounding, hurtful words. Did he have the cure for me? No. Was he once fat and lost weight . . . and had dieting advice to offer? No! He just threw a spiritual dart at me for no reason
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SYMPTOMS OF REJECTION One symptom of rejection is when we interpret correction as rejection. A symptom of rejection is that you begin to distrust people. Your attitude is, Okay, so you love me . . . now, when are you going to stab me in the back? The Scriptures teach us that faith works by love and that love believes all things. You cannot work in real faith unless that faith is upheld by a love that believes the best in people! As long as you have suspicion that people are not really trustworthy and will in some way reject or betray you, you are moving in rejection! As long as you have suspicion, you will never really move in the real type of faith that God wants you to have. Another symptom of rejection is when we view a man or woman as our standard. Perhaps you’ve experienced thoughts like these: If only I were as good looking as Marvin. If only I could play the piano like Jerry Lee Lewis. If only I could preach like TD Jakes! Oh, if only . . . if only . . . I remember Art Katz, a well-known teacher and speaker, once telling a story. He recounted that as he was getting ready to go speak at a church, he got into a big fight with his wife. He ran out and slammed the door. His wife ran out behind him and yelled, “Everybody thinks you’re such a great teacher, but I see you in your underwear.” If you think about that for a minute, it is really quite profound. She sees all his blemishes and flaws; she sees the real man. “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” (2 Corinthians 10:12). I knew a young woman who was extremely competitive with a friend at college. While taking exams, she said to this friend, “If you are rePage 9
ally my friend, you will fail the test so I can get a better grade than you.” Another symptom of rejection is drawing inward. The Scriptures teach us that in the last days people will be lovers of self, not having natural affection. In other words, you will draw inward and escape inside yourself. You will look within yourself for entertainment. You will become your own best friend, King Me! Your motto will become, I don’t need anybody. You will adopt a Lone Ranger mentality. (But remember, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto by his side.) Proverbs says an unfriendly man seeks his own desires. He avoids others! Another symptom of rejection is indifference. Love takes no account of wrongs suffered. If you are a loving person, you should forgive and forget. Yet there can come a time in a person’s life when he has been hurt so many times that he wears a veil over his eyes. Unless they come to me, they do not exist is this person’s motto. Another symptom of rejection is rejection of self. When we begin to criticize and reject ourselves, what we are doing is rejecting God’s masterpiece! Ephesians 2:10 tells us, “We are His workmanship.” Workmanship in Greek is ‘POEMA.” That is where we get the word “poem.” I am God’s poem! I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well (Psalms 139:14). Jesus loves us! He really loves us! We must remember that our value and self-worth are based on the fact that we are made in God’s image! Since He is perfect, and we are made in His image, how could we not be worthwhile? Page 10
THE CURE FOR REJECTION: GOD’S COMPASSION God is devising ways to draw us to Him (2 Samuel 14:14). But many of us think that all He is devising is ways to make us have a bad day. As the body of Messiah, we are responsible to seek out those who are suffering from rejection and show compassion towards them – God’s compassion! And if we are the ones suffering from rejection, then we need to take the medicine ourselves in order to be healed. It is a dual work. Jesus was the most REJECTED person who ever lived! He was rejected by His nation, religious leaders, friends, and even by God the Father while He was hanging on the cross! He said, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Yet Jesus did not allow Himself to wallow in a feeling of rejection. His focus was on His mission, and His response was to give of Himself to all mankind. He didn’t focus on inward emotions, but rather on the needs of others. Likewise, when we focus on reaching out to others, especially at times when we feel hurt or rejected, our actions will often be therapeutic for us personally. Reaching out is a way to overcome feelings of personal rejection. Jesus acted with COMPASSION. “And as they departed from Jericho, a great multitude followed him. And, behold, two blind men sitting by the way side, when they heard that Jesus passed by, cried out, saying, Have mercy on us, O Lord, thou son of David. And the multitude rebuked them, because they should hold their peace: but they cried the more, saying, Have mercy on us, O Lord, thou son of David. And Jesus stood still, and called them, and said, What will ye that I shall do unto you? They say unto him, Lord, that our eyes may be opened. So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched their eyes: and immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed him.” (Matthew 20:29-34). Compassion touches! Compassion embraces! If you are moving in a Page 11
spirit of true compassion, you will look outward and seek those who feel rejected. You will become a “toucher.” You will go to hurting people, you will touch them with your hands, and you will embrace them. You may remember the rock opera, Tommy – “See me, feel me, touch me, and heal me.” We are people who need to be touched. I love Jesus’ touch! “And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.” (Matthew 9:35-36). When people are moving with compassion, they will also teach. They will share their lives. They will communicate. Compassion heals! “In those days the multitude being very great, and having nothing to eat, Jesus called his disciples unto him, and saith unto them, I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now been with me three days, and have nothing to eat: And if I send them away fasting to their own houses, they will faint by the way: for divers of them came from far.” (Mark 8:1-3). When you move with compassion, you anticipate the needs of others. You ask yourself: How can I serve? How can I reach this one who is rejected? You go out of your way to minister to the person feeling rejected. On the other hand, if you are the one who has been rejected, you will look for ways to minister and serve the ones who rejected you! “A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath.” (Proverbs 21:14). When you move with compassion . . . miracles happen! Take some time to look around in church this week. Find someone Page 12
who is hurting. Send this person a card or flowers. Find those who are hurting financially and give them money. “And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it, Saying, If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes. For the days shall come upon thee, that thine enemies shall cast a trench about thee, and compass thee round, and keep thee in on every side, And shall lay thee even with the ground, and thy children within thee; and they shall not leave in thee one stone upon another; because thou knewest not the time of thy visitation”. (Luke 19:41-44).w Jesus had compassion on the generation that rejected Him. He wept over them because they did not recognize the visitation of God! I want you to know that He is still weeping! Compassion causes us to weep hot tears of intercession concerning those who need to be restored.
HOW TO OVERCOME REJECTION
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Recognize that you cannot possibly please everyone. Recognize that your ailment of rejection is not peculiar to you and that most people have suffered rejection. Forgive those who have wronged you Forgive those who have rejected you. Forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive yourself. Act with compassion to those who have rejected you.
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SOME FAMOUS “PEOPLE” WHO HAVE SUFFERED REJECTION THROUGHOUT HISTORY Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Dumbo the Elephant The Ugly Duckling A Great example of Overcoming Rejection is by looking at Lincoln’s Road to the White House: LINCOLN’S ROAD TO THE WHITE HOUSE • • • • • • • • • • •
Failed in business in 1831 Defeated for Legislature in 1832 Second failure in business in 1833 Suffered nervous breakdown in 1836 Defeated for Speaker in 1838 Defeated for Elector in 1840 Defeated for Congress in 1843 Defeated for Congress in 1848 Defeated for Senate in 1855 Defeated for Vice-President in 1858 Elected President of the USA in 1860 (finally!)
DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BECOME UPSET BY PEOPLE, PLACES, THINGS OR CIRCUMSTANCES. THEY ARE POWERLESS! YOUR REACTION IS THEIR ONLY POWER! My prayer for you today is that you become an overcomer and overcome rejection and become the person that God wants you to be! A whole person complte in Him!
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Marvin Pressman is a Messianic Jew who found his Messiah in 1971. Marvin has taught at numerous Messianic conferences and preached in Messianic Congregations and churches across America. Marvin’s humor and teaching have touched countless people. Marvin was born in Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada and now resides in Hollywood, Florida with his wife Joan who is a talented composer and artist.