Don't Leave Your Friends Behind

Don’t’ leave your friends behind

CONCRETE WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT PARENTS AND CHILDREN IN YOUR SCENE Work-in-progress zine #2

Early Childhood Development : an essay for radicals by a childcare worker and radical childcare volunteer

by Jonathan Dudley An understanding of mainstream early childhood development theory will help us support parents as they care for their children, either through existing child care institutions or by creating new institutions.

Within early childhood development theory, one can find currents where antiauthoritarian left values are affirmed. It is useful to be able to talk about how we understand children in a way that resonates with early childhood professionals or workers in the child care arena. Also, seeing our politics reflected back to us in early childhood theory can help affirm and clarify our own ideas and remind us of both the importance of being allies to children and what we have to learn from very young people.

Most of what I will write about below one could learn from an introductory level community college class. In fact that is where I learned most of it. But, that is in part my point: each year hundreds, maybe thousands, of people are learning the theoretical basis for what could be a liberatory education practice. Throughout this essay I will refer to Beginnings and Beyond; this was the text book for the early childhood development class I was required to take as a child care worker in Baltimore, MD and is the text that is used for the North Carolina credential for child care workers.[1] During the enlightenment period in Europe there were three competing views about children: you had the church which maintained that children were born bad and had to taught to be good; you had John

Locke, an English philosopher who held the liberal view that children were born a 'blank slate,' and their environment and society determine who they become; and then there was the romantic view of Rousseau, a French philosopher who described children as inherently good. If I was going to reduce my politics down to parallel these ideas about children, I would end up in the romantic camp. My politics hold that people have inherent value and have within us a social drive which if supported, instead of repressed, will cause us seek out others with whom we feel affinity and work cooperatively for common good. This is opposed to a politic which sees people as either inherently bad or as a blank slate, a politic which sees the mission of society to either repress the bad or fill the empty vessel with good. As I see it people's potential –the potential to be productive, to be creative, to be thoughtful- is not an empty space (or clean slate) waiting to be filled by authorities and institutions, but is something that people possess within them and that drives them to learn and to contribute to society. However in my view -support from adults and the environment is really important, that children being born good is not really enough, that is the inherent goodness of the individual does not let the collective off the hook – the social is important, whether I am talking about political systems or children.

The first trend in children's developmental psychology was psycho-dynamic theory, which grew out of the practice of psychoanalysis at beginning of the twentieth century. Sigmund Freud, the JewishAustrian physician who developed psychoanalysis, and his followers put an emphasis on how early childhood experiences impact adults psychologically.

One result of this emphasis was some followers of Freud began exploring how to support the healthy psychological development of children. However, Freud did not study the psychology of children; it

was his daughter Anna Freud who really turned the lens of psychoanalysis onto children. Anna Freud began training as a school teacher, but she took her interest in her father's psychoanalytical theories, began a children's practice, and pioneered child psychoanalysis. She and wrote about the problems with common methods of teaching young children and the idea of play as therapy.[2] Early in her practice she worked with Erik Erikson, at a school which was influenced in part by the work of Maria Montessori, in Italy. Many of Anna Freud and Erik Erikson's peers in the psycho analytic movement, were also involved in socialist leaning Jewish causes and eventually went underground to become part of the resistance to Nazi occupation of Austria.[3] Anna however remained apolitical; she and her father immigrated to England after Nazi occupation. Erikson immigrated to the US. Where Freud found key phases of early childhood where one could supposedly locate the root of adult psycho-sexual problems, Erikson decided that there were key identity questions that needed to be explored. These identity questions unfolded in series of stages, one building upon each other. He also believed that people often revisit the problems raised in each of these stages. He called this unfolding of stages psycho-social development. In each stage “positive growth allows the individual to integrate his or her physical and biological development with the challenges that the social institutions and culture present.”[4] Erikson's Psycho-social stages during early childhood were: trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs. shame and doubt, initiative vs guilt and competency vs inferiority. These conflicts (eg Trust vs mistrust) “offer maximum opportunities for psychological growth, but these crises are also full of possibilities for regression or even negative adaptation.”[5] In addition to outlining these stages, Erikson's psychosocial development theory emphasizes the value of dramatic play and the role of adults, not only in supporting this play but also in being a safe social and

emotional base of support as the child explores these key identity questions.

According to Erikson, children are neither empty vessels waiting to be filled with values, nor are they evil beings that need to have morality beaten into them, but are agents actively exploring themselves and their relationship to the world, capable, if supported, of developing themselves into social, stable, productive, happy people.

Another psychologist that most child care workers encounter in their early childhood development classes is Abraham Maslow. Maslow, famous for his hierarchy of needs, is credited with developing new school of thought within the psychological community in the 1950's: Humanistic Psychology. In the early twentieth century there were followers of Freud, such as Erickson, and then there were behaviorists. The behaviorist (which I will write a little more about below) saw human behavior (and development) as shaped entirely by stimulus and response.

Maslow's Humanistic school of thought can be seen as a third camp. Humanistic theory attempts to explain what motivates people and to understand human needs and the idea of success. In his theory of self actualization, Maslow proposes that all humans have a set of needs (ranging from physical needs such as food to the need for a sense of belonging) and it is these needs that are people's motivation. As people are able to meet their most basic needs they are able to pursue growth needs that lead to success and eventually self actualization. [6] Maslow's theories have obvious implications to caring for children, but also might push us to think about how we can support children in meeting their full potential as human beings. The most clear implication is that children's basic needs for food, shelter, and safety need to be met before they are going to be able to learn. That hungry children, or for that matter children that feel unsafe, are going to have a hard time with their work

and play at a day care. (There is of course a whole other body of thought about what makes children feel safe, and safety is certainly an area where authority easily creeps into adult interaction with children.)

Beyond the obvious implication about basic needs, let us consider some bigger implications of self actualization theory: what if the goal of interacting with our children could be help support them on their path to self actualization? Better yet what if that is how our whole society was set up?

In the early twentieth century Arnold Gessell, a US physician who studied child growth, began developing a body of theory called maturation theory. While theorists like Erikson and Maslow, were concerned with the emotional and social development of children, maturation theory focuses on the physical development of children.

Maturation theorists are probably at least partly to blame for the emphasis on developmental stages measured out in months that many parents and folks involved in childcare spend a lot of time worrying about. (Child care workers probably face many more parents wondering whether it is normal that their child is crawling backwards than parents asking if their child seems to have a healthy self identity.)

However maturation theorists also present a couple of ideas that I find useful. First that development is something that children do because that is how they are made, not because of anything adults do to them. And second, that physical development and behavior are related, in which case physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development are related. I think it is valuable to think about the idea that a child's ability to be physical, to get comfortable in her or his body, is probably related to the child's ability to feel comfortable in his or her self, and that her or his experience interacting with other children (social exercise) is related to her or his opportunity to learn and think.

Jean Piaget was a Swiss psychologist who became very influential in the US in the 1970s. Piagetian theory is based on the idea that intellectual growth happens as a child interacts with the environment, assimilates and organizes new information. It maintains that all children go through specific stages of cognitive development. Piagetian theory maintains that children's thinking is not simply naive uniformed, but is actually different than adult thinking.[7] Piaget's stages are Sensor-motor– in which infants and toddlers explore the world around them using their senses and movement and begin to understand means and ends; Preoperational – in which young children begin to think symbolically, but not logically, and also thinking remains egocentric i.e. The child can only see things from her or his perspective; Concrete operational – in which the child begins to think logically, can understand rules, and can understand other concrete points of view; and Formal Operational – in which the older child (middle school age) begins to think abstractly.[8]

Piaget also wrote about what he termed moral development, and some of this writing could suggest why people are susceptible to hierarchical thinking and behavior. Because young children's thinking is egocentric and not logical, they can come to fantastic conclusions about cause and effect and their relationship to the universe.[9] Egocentric thought makes it hard to distinguish their own though process from the world around them. (One example might be how easy it is for people, such as myself, whose parents split up when they were young to conclude that they caused their parents separation.) In an attempt to manage children's behavior, adults play upon this fantastic thinking, for example after a child trips while running inside an adult might say: see you should listen to me when I tell you not to run.

Logically an adult would understand that the child not listening to the adult was not the cause of them tripping, the child's lack of

coordination was, but a child might conclude something different. This method that adults use to control children creates an early notion of the supremacy of authority.

In Conscious, Cultural Evolution, Alex Ziegler suggests that adults carry some egocentric thinking as well as early experiences with authority with them into adulthood, and that this explains in some part why adults are susceptible to coercion by hierarchical and authoritarian systems.

A Piagitian or constructivist approach to education focuses on supporting a natural process through which children learn to think in more and more complex ways. [10] This is in contrast with a behaviorist approach which focuses on what may or should happen to a child to produce changes in behavior, learning, and acquisition of knowledge. Behaviorist theory maintains that all learning happens through stimulus and response.[11] I can see in my work in child care that children at different ages understand consequences and cause and effect in really different ways. In my opinion behaviorism can instruct us on how to motivate children to memorize something but doesn't give us any explanation when it comes to how a child might understand something. For anti-authoritarians there is a range of ways that a behaviorist approach seems sinister. It makes one think of being forced to memorize things in school, of how commercials and propaganda focus on influencing behavior, and how implicit threats of punishment seek to control ones behavior. It feels easy to take a side in a debate about behaviorism, but instead of simply relying on negative feelings about behaviorism let us try and understand what could be liberating about a constructiveness approach.

Many childcare workers will hear about Noam Chomsky in their early childhood development class. Chomsky's first ground breaking work was related to how children learn language and his theory was a complete contradiction to the behaviorist explanations that had been the assumption in

the field of linguistics. Chomsky proposed that humans are born with physiological and cognitive “device” that allows them to acquire language. He calls it a Language Acquisition Device(LAD). Supporters of the LAD theory (or psycholinguistic theorists) contend that children are born biologically prepared to learn language.

[12] That is, the way that children learn language is governed by an internal ability, not by what happens to them or what they are taught. It seems to me that Piaget holds that learning and the ability to think come from within a child; it comes in stages of cognitive development that have little to do with what adults try to teach children, that is development can not be explained by stimulus and response. Research into the language development demonstrates patterns of learning that cannot be easily explained by stimulus and response and instead support a psycholinguistic view.[13] At their most basic, Piaget and Chomsky’s theories describe an innate internal ability and drive to learn, where as a behaviorist approach describes a process that depends on a child being taught by others or their environment.

In the last couple of decades, early childhood development professionals have begun to learn more about and give more consideration to the work of a Russian theorist: Lev Vygotsky. The work of Lev Vygotsky took place shortly after the Russian revolution and then was suppressed under Stalin. Because of both Stalin and, later, the Cold War, Vygotsky’s work was not studied until recently. In many ways Vygotsky’s theories about how children learn are similar to Piaget’s. They are certainly more aligned with construtivist theory than behaviorist thinking. Vygotsky sees a child’s learning as unfolding in stages, knowledge as being constructed by concrete action, and new concepts as coming from solving problems. However, Vygotsky maintained that cognitive development “can only be understood with reference to social and cultural influences.”[14]Thus Vygotsky put a great

deal of influence on how a child’s social environment influences how s/he learns how to think.

that motivation and ability to the next level.

It is like the organizing saying that we can do together what we cannot do alone.

Vygotsky also said that the best measure of a child's abilities is not what s/he can do on her or his own but what s/he can accomplish when working with someone else –a peer, an older child, or an adult. If children's cognitive development happens in stages, then the things that a child can do with help forms an area between the cognitive stage where the child currently is and the stage where s/he will be next. Vygotsky called this area a zone of proximate development.

This zone is the full area in which a child can learn and includes both what they can learn independently and what a child can learn through watching, talking, or interacting with others. [15] The zone of proximate development is the richest place to work with children to support their learning.

There has been a historical argument among early childhood theorists about whether a child's social, emotional, and cognitive development is something that comes from within the child and should be nurtured by adults, or whether it is something that needs to be developed for the child through imposition by adults.

“Most early childhood educators are eclectic in their theoretical biases. That is, they have developed their own philosophies of education based on a little of each theory,” explains Beginnings and Beyond.

Vygotsky's theories, sometimes referred to as sociocultural, still allow us to view a child’s ability to think and learn as coming from within the child but also emphasize the importance of the social, physical, and cultural environment that we create for the child to learn from. It makes clear that adults can play an important role in a child’s learning by supporting the child in taking on more complex and challenging problems. I see this as a refreshing response to a behaviorist approach. A sociocultural approach makes the teacher a partner to the child and his or her process of learning, as opposed to an administrator of positive or negative stimuli.

One might also consider Vygotsky's work in a societal context. I believe that people have within us a drive to be creative and productive. Maybe Vygotsky's work would suggest that this individual innate motivation benefits from social support; society’s role is not to temper our individual motivations but instead to provide the support that will allow each of us to take

While I certainly don't want to advocate taking a fundamentalist approach to practicing any of these theories, I do think that encouraging an eclectic approach could skirt some of the political issues that are connected to the different theories. I think that we, as folks on the left, antiauthoritarians, and allies to activists who are parents, can draw more political conclusions from these theories. We can use constructivist theory to talk about agency (or empowerment), Vygostky to think about relationship between individual children and our community. We can take a stand for self actualization both for the young people and adults around us. And we can see the work that children do in play, in early interactions with adults, other children and the world around them as important work, and fight for children to have the space and safety to do that work. Then we can look at that work and see what we can learn from it ourselves, how might we apply the important work that children do to understand their world to how we understand our adult world. When one looks at the range of the “nature vs nurture” spectrum, s/he can see a pretty important debate occurring, one that mirrors a much larger debate about people, society and authority. I think it would be beneficial for allies of parents to understand this debate, in which the development of our communities’

children are the subject, and useful if at least some allies and parents would enter into this debate.

Before concluding I want say a few words about my own practice, as caution against taking any of the theory described in this essay and using it to criticize folks you know who have or care for children. I currently work at a child care center just down the mountain from where I live in North Carolina; in my own practice I find that I am rarely implementing the kind of liberatory experience that my understanding developmental theory and my politics would call for. I yell at children, try to avoid being bitten, use discipline that doesn't make any sense (e.g. time out), have a group time where I attempt to “instruct”, and struggle with figuring out how to deal with the approach of Thanksgiving, with its disrespectful representation of Native Americans and the history colonization in this country. I am constantly saying things that I know don't make sense for developmental stage of the children with which I am working. (Example: Asking a two-year old, “how do you think he feels when you push him down?” Answering that question would require an egocentric toddler to in engage in abstract thought, separate his or her thinking from his or her own perspective, and imagine someone else's feelings or experience; neither cognitive nor psycho-social theory suggest that it is easy for a two-year old to imagine any experience other than his or her own. An alternative would be to say: you pushed your friend down, s/he is crying. That means that s/he did not like being pushed. ) This is to say that my practice is not always grounded in my ideas, that much of my day is responding to the children who are there, the routine of the center at which I work, and the difficulties that our society hand me and the children I work with. By attempting to outline some early childhood development theory and relate it to my politics I am not suggesting that an ally’s role is to judge or teach either child care workers or parents.

The last thing a child care worker and

certainly a parent wants is to be lectured on how they are not supporting a child's development. Our practice as allies should be informed by our politics and our understanding of what children need, but that should be tempered by a love for our friends and respect for the work they do as parents.

One of the amazing and difficult things about thinking about supporting parents as they work with children is we all--as allies, parents and child care workers-share the common identity of having been children. This common experience can give us great insight: we can compare ways that we were supported or not as children, think through our own early childhood experiences and imagine our own development through the lens of various theories. There is also the pitfall that we all carry emotions tied to our experience as children. Psychodynamic theory suggests that many of the identity questions we faced as young children will continue to be present in our lives as adults. We need to take care to examine our own feelings and experiences as we learn more about developmental theory and involve ourselves in supporting our friends and their children.

I hope that as we talk with each other about how to support our friends who are parents, we will also talk about how we can support young children so that their first years are rich and happy. I am not suggesting that as a community we accept and develop practice, but instead I am proposing that we use these theories as a reference point. I especially hope that information about these theories will be helpful in talking with child care workers. As I have written above, I believe that much of the thinking within the child care profession is in line with a liberatory approach to supporting children. I hope that we can use insights about developmental theory in building relationships with child care workers. Such a relationship will help our conversation about how to support parents and children move beyond our own group of friends our

activist community to thinking about supporting all parents and children. Maybe discussion about developmental theory can be one starting point for such a relationship.

[13] Trawick-Smith, Jeffery. Early Childhood Development: A Multicultural Perspective. Columbus, OH: Merrill Press, 1997 p 59 [14]

Smith p 471

Footnotes: [1] Gordon, Ann Miles and Kathryn Willams Brown. Beginnings and Beyond: Foundations in Early Childhood Education.

Clifton Park, NY: Delmar Learning, 2004. I came across another textbook in writing this essay: Early Childhood Development: A Multicultural Perspective by Jeffery TrawickSmith from Merrill Press. I looked through the 1997 edition, which was interesting because each topic included a section of criticism.

[15] Dodge, Diane Trister, Laura Colker, & Cate Heroman. The Creative Curriculum for Preschool. Wash., DC: Teaching Strategies, Inc, 2002 p 9

image: Kidz’ Corner, Mid-Atlantic Radical Bookfair

[2] Young-Bruehl, Elisabeth. Anna Freud. New York: Summit Books, 1988.

[3] Young-Bruehl pgs 99-100, 178-179,199201 [4]

Beginnings and Beyond. p 134

[5]

Ibid p 172

[6]

Ibid p 155-157

photo: Vikki Law

[7] Zieler, Alex. Conscious Cultural Evolution: Understanding Out Past, Choosing Our Future.

Charlottesville, VA: EcoDem Press, 2006. p 54 [8] Weikart, David, et. al. The Cognitively Oriented Curriculum. Wash., DC: National Association for the Education of Young Children, 1971.

[9] [10]

Ziegler p 54 Ibid p 1

[11] Smith, Charles. The Encyclopedia of Parenting Theory and Research. West Port, CT: Greenwood Press, 1999. p 400-402 [12] Broude, Gwen. Growing Up: A Cross Cultural Encyclopedia. Santa Barbara, CA: ABC-CLIO, 1995. p 195-200

Radical Childcare is a Radical Tactic: By turning the system upside down, and learning how to work together to support everyone’s rights, we include the young in the change we want to see now. from Kidz Corner, The Mid-Atlantic Radical Bookfair

Childcare is a Feminist Issue: Issue: LadyFest Baltimore 2008

In most of the histories we are taught of women, especially of mothers, is that they are primary childcare agents. Although, this is perhaps not universally true, it can be observed as the contemporary norm in many places including the United States. Even when other help may be present it still seems to rest upon the mother to coordinate the care of her children. It was this knowledge that made providing childcare at LadyFest Baltimore one of the easiest decisions we ever made. Throughout the year and a half of organizers ebbing and flowing from our efforts not one disagreed. It seems that we all knew that we were allowing greater access to the festival for women if we provided childcare.

For me, and I am sure other organizers, our feelings about childcare went further. To provide childcare for us was not just a necessity for mothers and other caretakers but a delight, perhaps even a revolutionary act. We are often strictly separated by our ages in the US. starting from a very young age with the compulsory government funded education grade system.

To open things up for more interaction felt right.

For most of us the decisions of how to include men (and how to define women for this project) were much more difficult. It was something that we struggled with since the first meeting back in January 2007. We ended up deciding that men could be involved as volunteers and could attend LadyFest and the events leading up to it.

Later on committees were formed; one was given the task of coordinating childcare. I was on this committee, which dwindled in numbers towards the end, until

it was just me. I don't remember how, but at some point a decision was made to include men as volunteers for childcare and to have men to the bulk of the childcare. This was in recognition that women have been doing most of the childcare in this country for a long time and that it was time for men to step up and ensure that women could fully participate in the festival activities. I felt very strongly about this and advocated for it even when we were unsure if it was possible to find enough volunteers for anything, especially men to do childcare.

In the end we had every spot filled with a person who identified as someone with male privilege for every childcare shift with one LadyFest organizer overseeing. As it turned out, many of our male friends were enthusiastic about the idea and jumped at the chance to fill this supporting role for parents who wanted to join the festival.

In addition to the childcare for both festival days, we planned for what we called the Feminist Family Picnic. This was unfortunately an indoor event, but we had crafts, food, musical performers and hooping for all ages. When it came time for this event there were some problems with allergies and miscommunication but all in all it was wonderfully liberating to be with people of all different ages in one space connecting and creating community.

We planned to hold the childcare area in a separate room. We asked LadyFest organizers to bring books and toys and coloring sheets that were fun and empowering. We wanted to steer away from the same old princess and truck dichotomy. I had high ambitions about making a coloring book with some friends who are artists, but with all the last minute activities, another organizer printed out animal sheets to color.

We had books, cards, chalk, jump rope, games, blocks, and wonderfully imaginative and compassionate volunteers. There was a mix up at the venue (as I remember) and we didn't get the room where childcare was to

take place open for set up. One of the organizers who was a nanny said she thought it would be fine to have the area be in the open and in the room with the tablers.

We went for it and the results were positive.

The children had a chance to interact with many of the other adults, ask questions of the tablers, and be in sight of their caretakers as they interacted with other adults and children. Some of the kids went outside to play and some stayed inside, some went to a workshop on making seed "bombs" and others on natural living skills.

In addition to childcare we also thought it would be important to provide a space for parents and allies to communicate about their needs and to build community.

So we asked China Martens and Vikki Law to facilitate a workshop. They were so generous and agreed to host the workshop, "Don't Leave your Friends Behind: AnarchaFeminism & Supporting Mothers and Children."

A few weeks after the festival was over and a lot of the anxiety from helping to plan the events passed, I settled down to finally read the zine that was given out at China and Vikki's workshop. In was inspiring. I finished reading the zine with a deeper sense of caring for children as a part of any movement and as an important part to my activism as someone who advocates who feels a need to work for social justice. It was especially exciting to read about the experiences at the US Social Forum. It seemed like they approached childcare from a perspective that respected children and deeply as they respected the needs of the parents. Learning about the US Social Forum for Kids, left me wanting more out of activist childcare. We could actually involve children in the discussion, help to foster discussion among the children and do activities that would nurture the same kind of knowledge that the adults are there for.

I felt an urge to be a part of that support network for parents, children and activists. I started doing a little research into interesting lesson plans, activities and organizations that are working towards a richer view of education. SO when a friend mentioned a green anarchy gathering close by, I jumped at the chance to be a part of providing childcare if they didn't already have all the people they needed. The organizers told me that they weren't that fond of children and that they didn't really want childcare available. I, of course, found this problematic and told them that I would take on everything if they would just allow childcare of some kind at their conference.

Again, I hit a wall.

Not surprisingly, the event (I did attend) was populated largely by young and presumably somewhat privileged people. No one brought children. It felt like a missed chance; a chance to come together, to learn and to include. It's not about liking children.

It is about respecting women and parents; it's about wanting a larger audience and an inclusion of voices – parents, child caregivers, and children.

I want to continue to think about access to spaces by parents and children. It's not a favor that we are providing as people without kids to those who do. It is our privilege, and it benefits us too.

--Harriet Moon

Image from Children and Feminism I wish adults could handle themselves around kids. I don't mean play with or hang out with my son, but hold their own boundaries, communicate what's going on for them, and let me know. It seems one of the places where I have to hold other people's boundaries. And that feels gross to me. If I touched someone and it wasn't ok, I'd expect them to speak up and be direct or stop me before it happened - if I were giving a hug for example. And I want people to do that with kids, even if it's more challenging for them - it's their boundary.

Now my son's 10, he's a pretty good judge of who's going to be ok, but adults behave in unexpected ways and that is confusing and upsetting.

Part of that is because we are a very inclusive community and so we get a really wide variety of people.

My opinion is that what's really needed is networks of people we trust banding together and consistency around that. For example, people willing to step up: it would be great if folks would step up for kid care regularly so that they can form bonds with the kids and the kids can feel safe with them. That way we open the circles of trust and support in real, grounded ways.

It would be great if parent-allies who are not parents formed bonds with children to help us hold space at events.

For example there are adults that I know that will step up and work with my son if something happens to/with him when he's out of my sight. I can trust them to help him and speak up if he's been confronted or done something where other adults or kids are around as well as to step in if he, say, nearly steps in poison oak.

I'd love to have a term stronger than "ally" for people who don't just care, but are willing to step up - allies are people who identify, I want people who are willing to act. Maybe making buttons for them to wear at events so that kids know who to go to if something's up, but their Adult on Duty are not in immediate eye sight. And that would build trust. It would be even more awesome if the kids could give out the buttons so that it was clear that they trusted the adults in question.

Two Stories

What I hear myself asking for is acknowledged commitment from my peers to support me and my family in ways that I can hear. Reasonable, yes. Do-able? I don't know.

Equal Access: Community Childcare for Special Needs (originally written for the 2006 Providence Anarchist Bookfair) I wrote this piece two and a half years ago, and in that time it seems like nothing much has changed. Parenting kids with special needs has gotten a lot of lip service in this election year, unfortunately via Sarah Palin, but here I am preparing to go appeal my son’s disability insurance turndown because of a paperwork error on the government’s part. Almost every aspect of raising kids with disabilities is a struggle. Until our radical communities step up to offer support, we will stay stuck in the system. In the meantime, supporting your fellow rad parents who happen to be raising kids with special needs with some of the suggestions below is an important and wonderful first step.

I shouldn’t be shocked, really. I should be used to it, after all, from the last 6 years of parenting an 8 year old with autism. But when I looked on the public message board of a planned conference for mothers, that was organized by mothers and saw this, I nearly broke my keyboard. (identifying information has been changed & post slightly edited to protect those involved) Will childcare be provided at the ______ during workshops or evening events?

Would the provided childcare be appropriate for a _ year old with special needs?

My ___ is autistic and the only way I could go this year is to take ___with me, but I'd also like to participate in the activities.

Reply #1 We will have kidshops ages 4-12 but we don't have any trained staff who can do special needs...all the kidshop volunteers are moms and none of them have children with special needs or experience with special needs. at the _____ there was a couple who had an autistic child, one stayed with their son while the other went to workshops. Is it possible you could bring another adult with you?

You probably don’t understand my frustration. Just to clarify: First, there’s the assumption that there is a second adult who can come with this mama and not participate themselves. Second, that this parent can afford to spend the money to bring a second person from halfway across the country to the conference. Third, that the mothers organizing the conference couldn’t get their shit together to find someone experienced with special needs kids, and fourth, that without asking for what kind of accommodations they would need, the organizers balked. One kid with autism may need a lot of care, while another just may have a slight problem communicating.

This conference was cancelled, so I never got to find out what would have happened.

Imagine that you’d decided to become a parent. Either all of your prenatal tests came back normal, or you didn’t want to do testing, and you figured it all be fine. You would have this awesome kid who would get to grow up in a progressive community and you’d homeschool/unschool, teach gender and racial equality from birth, and wind up with this really interesting, cool and wise kid who could go with you anywhere. (Granted, this doesn’t always hold true for kids without special needs, as any activist parent can assure you.)

Then, BOOM! Your world is turned upside down and you go through the heart-wrenching process of finding out that your kid has a cognitive, physical or other disability. It gets very, very complicated. Taking your kid to a meeting? Not possible if she’s screeching at the top of her lungs or can’t sit still. Or getting his wheelchair into a non-accessible event space? Not going to happen. So try on top of dealing with the reality that you may be wiping your kid’s ass for the rest of your life, being physically alienated from the community that you depend on. And not being financially able to pay care providers, and being on a wait-list three years long for respite care, as is an unfortunately reality.

The thing is, in the United States, 17 percent of children have a developmental or behavioral disability including autism, mental retardation, or AttentionDeficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), as well as delays in language or other areas (according to the CDC).

But do you see these kids? I used to be really surprised that my son’s teachers were shocked to hear how he had gone to the beach with me over the weekend, or a museum. That was, until he got bigger and less manageable and it became much more difficult to bring him out. I firmly believe that my kid – and everybody else’s disabled kids need to be seen, heard, and respected. But at whose expense? If he’s not enjoying being there or I’m hopped up on rescue remedy, biting the insides of my mouth while trying to keep shriek boy from making his otherworldly noises? No one is having a good time.

My seeming simple solution is accessible child care, and community child care for kids with special needs. None of the friends we trust with Luc had experience with autism before meeting him, but they’ve really learned how to meet his needs. And luckily he has a fan base of folks who see beyond his disability and love him fiercely. We do have trained respite workers from time to time, but that depends on a lot of factors that are out of our control and it doesn’t work out well enough for us to depend on it to continue our work as activists.

I asked some of my mama-friends of kids with special needs to say what they would get from having community-based child care, and what they would want potential care providers to know. Here are their thoughts: From Sal: They are really intense and we need help even when we seem like we don't need you there.

If you are a care provider at my home so I can do laundry and sit on my ass, then I really

do need them still. Even if I just seem lazy.

I am really sorry if my kid hits you, but I didn't tell him to hit you and I don't approve of him hitting you. I'm not going to be shocked or upset for you though. This is the gig.

If you get stuck and need help, go ahead and ask me.

Don't get discouraged if he does things for me he won't do for you. I promise not to get discouraged the other way.

PLEASE come when you say you're coming. I have all the things I can't do with autism scheduled for your visit, and I really need to do those things even if they look dumb to you.

You provide sanity for me. I need the sanity pretty badly. You make it possible for me to decompress during my day so I don't freak out and hit my kid or need to institutionalize him to keep from hitting him. You are very very important in my world.

And from Nicole: Have patience. Listen to more than words.

Ask parents about what their kids like, what they love to play with, what their obsessions are, how to calm them down. Don't shame the parents for not having toilet trained their child.

About raising our children.....hmmmm...that we do the best with what we've got. That it is not the end of the world and don't feel sorry for us. There are people out there much worse off than us, and that a special needs kid is a kid, too. They have feelings that can be crushed by the wrong words.

From me: Instead of assuming you can’t accommodate our kids, ask what they need. The try to meet it. Keep in mind that if you’re organizing an event on a college campus or near a university, there are probably students in education or some other field that would love to have hand-on experience with kids with special needs.

Make sure you have back up in case the original person doesn’t show. Respect caregiver to child ratios. Communicate with parents beforehand. As parents, we are more than willing to provide you with all the information about our kids’ needs to ensure they get the right care.

We are still as valuable to our community as we were before we had our kids.

Include us.

Jennifer Silverman is a NYC-based mama of two boisterous boys. She is a co-editor of the upcoming anthology My Baby Rides the Short Bus (PM Press, 2009).

suggestions on childcare: from Moving Towards a Family Friendly Radical Movement (a zine from MAMA-nyc) One thing I've seen work well is creating a log/sign in sheet where parents can sign the kids in and write down all pertinent info and special needs, I've seen this include the category of -good ways to calm down a specific child- or -things that comfort them-. Very useful. If something specific and notable happens, like a tummy ache or a fall or something, it can be documented in the log. That helps with the volunteer changeovers and keeping new people up to speed with things that have been going on, etc.

Also, sometimes there is a need for a one on one person for really small children or special needs so it helps if that is a possibility for parents to be able to set up on the front end.

And the last thing is, if this is a conference or something where workshops are offered, always ask presenters if they want to do something for the kids as well, like a mini workshop. It rarely occurs to people and lots of times people that like children are happy to do a thing for kids as an extra.

And--please don't make childcare an afterthought. It's better not to offer it if the childcare is going to fall through, be unsafe, or suck.

From Kidz Corner @ The Mid-Atlantic Radical Bookfair 1- Start planning for childcare at the beginning of the event planning and not at the last minute.

2- Children should be welcome around the event, providing childcare doesn’t mean the children will be unwelcome other places and have to go there, it’s a resource and an option.

3- Space for childcare must be accessible and close to the main activities, the more visible the better!

4- Children and caretakers can use this space to play, chill out and meet others.

5- Prioritize the care of the young. Even if there aren’t many children this time, creating a space is a great practice for next time. No matter how many kids come, it’s important! Sometimes the room can be empty, then suddenly fill up.

6- Decorate with inspirational art, make the space attractive and friendly. We made a banner together, my daughter outlined words and kids and volunteers colored it in.

7- Don’t let people store other stuff in the kid’s space, it’s not safe. For instance free food was stored in the kidz corner, people coming in to get food didn’t look out for the kids underfoot and also dropped a container and glass fell near a babies head and all over the ground.

8- ALSO, don’t have people who aren’t parents/caretakers/childcare volunteers or somehow connected to the Kids’ Space wander in and use it as a hang-out.

9- Ask local parents, groups, and those who might attend: How can you support them? Ask the children too! Get ideas from parents and kids, create dialogue with radical parents and radical community, pull in all the resources you can.

10- BUT – don’t ask the parents to do childcare. (Although parents participation is welcome) Parents always have to do childcare, so there is nothing radical about that. This is a service to those whose children are old/comfortable enough to be left so the parents can go to a workshop, read, or participate without their attention divided and a chance for the child-free to participate with children.

11- Radical childcare also means respectful radical programming for the kids. The ideals of the larger event should be able to be used for the young on their own level.

12- Make it fun! Make it different levels of ways to be involved (for the child-free), from volunteering to just coming in and playing – the more energy the better.

13- Take care of the kids. Make sure each child is attended and the environment is safe.

14- Take care of the childcare volunteers. No one should ever be left alone or overburdened.

15- Get the word out! Super important! Every time the event is mentioned – whatever the kidz program (childcare, space, or events) should be mentioned too! Otherwise people will not know to bring their children. Knowing there is childcare can bring people who otherwise wouldn’t have attended.

TWO STORIES California 1990

by China Martens

and Clover would never respect me for it, that I must teach Clover how to behave, I must train her to be good in bookstores, after all other parents do it, don’t they. Clover spilled her food on the floor so she was not allowed to eat in the living room although everyone else was there. She was not allowed to ask for food, she was not allowed to touch

At one point in my life, when we had moved into a new household and Clover was 2 and a half, something happened which definitely taught me to trust myself and Clover. She was very hard to watch, I would try to get daycare and friends to help but generally I would still wind up watching her by myself. It was really hard. Friends told me I was too nice. That I had to stop nursing her and then she would get more independent. I couldn’t take her to bookstores because she would pull out all the books off the shelf and run around, so I avoided bookstores, instead when I wanted to do something like that I would get a babysitter for her. My housemates told me this was ridiculous, I was making my own problems

their things, and they got really stressed out when she tried to play with cigarette butts or with the silverware even though she was only imitating them. Obviously, I just didn’t belong in this household and I left, but you see they were my friends before that, and its really hard to get a house on your own, and often people will not rent a room to people with kids, I was stuck there. And it was really stressing Clover out. She used to say “NO” all the time at that point. I figured she was just learning this new word and it’s powerful. It didn’t bug me that she said No all the time. But it bugged them so much, that they came to me once and said “what if we just never let her say No in this house again?”

Every time she said “mine”, they would

it always ended with her crying or them

say “No, it’s mine” or “No, it’s ours” or

telling me to do something that made

“No, it’s hers”. That bugged them a lot

her cry. They told me I let her take

too.

advantage of me and expected

The major complaint was that I had to hold her all the time or she cried, and she cried too much anyway they said. Once I decided I just had to vacuum the rug, which was my chore, and I would have to let her sit there and cry ‘til I was done, it had to be done. So she cried. The guy came out of

everyone else to do the same. Funny when I moved into my new house, with a back yard and a really nice roommate who would share his food with her and play with her sometimes and didn’t get mad the one time she drew on the wall, she completely changed! She chilled out and listened more to us.

his room and left the house, slamming

The only thing is, at that point, I was

the door, really sick of it. The other

starting to believe maybe everybody

mother (with a very easy to care for

was right, maybe I had to be firm with

baby) came down and said, “ I think its

Clover, let her cry until she learned, be

good she’s crying and you’re doing this.”

stricter with her. I didn’t believe that.

Why – I asked. “Well she has to learn,

I believed everyone should be nicer to

don’t you think babies will just naturally

her and avoid trouble spots that would

take advantage of you if they can,

cause us stress. I mean, I was always

she’s crying to manipulate you.” No I

taking her to the playground, thinking

said, I think I have to clean the floor so

she needs to blow off steam. I would try

I have no choice, I’ve put it off long

to solve her issues – not just make her

enough, but it’s not good she is crying.

stop acting antsy. I knew lots of moms

What I wished for was that simply just

who still nursed their children and

one of my housemates could have held

believed if Clover wanted to nurse so

her for five minutes until I was done,

much, then it must be right. I can stick

then she wouldn’t have cried, but they

up for myself, tell her when I didn’t

never would. I was trying to find

want to nurse her at that moment—

another house and avoid mine as much

but if she cried a lot, I would give in

as I could. Every time she was home,

because I believed I saw her true

she would try to hang out with them and

feelings; that she was sad not

manipulative. I thought I could balance it

toy and kids at this age will still fight

out between both our needs. But I

over them, its part of their learning

needed free time for myself to do stuff

process.” They were so calm, they

I liked to do without her. So, maybe

didn’t think we were bad people,

they are right, I thought. Maybe she

although they did say I was so

will be like this for the rest of her life!

stressed out and like it was my problem

God, it has to stop! (Now looking back I

and I was stressing out Clover not the

can say that was a high need time of

opposite like I felt. (I didn’t believe it

her life. She’s almost three now and I

was anyone’s “fault”, though.)

can take her all kinds of places, bookstores and to the acupuncture. I can talk to her about something, say not now, later, and explain stuff. It is different now she is older.)

The thing was—we remained patient with Clover and she did unwind. After a while Arthur and her were jumping together off a large block onto a pile of cushions and laughing and laughing. And

Fortunately I met another family whose

although it grew late, even past

beliefs were similar to my own, but were

midnight, once the kids were having so

more secure with themselves. Then, I

much fun they let them stay up. They

went over their house one bad day.

played some wild country music and we

Clover just went in the backyard and

all ate watermelon. Clover was once

cried, cried, and cried. I was so

again her charming self and the kids

stressed out too, here I wanted her to

ran up and down the hallway, ate

come play with this nice kid and look at

together, took a bath together.

her—she’s so hostile. The mom tried to

Meanwhile I was talking about the

engage her by showing her some

stuff that had been going on and

ladybugs, and I just let her cry by

feeling so much better. Being strict

herself a little; hugged her a little.

with Clover, like telling her “No, no, don’t

Then the little child came home, Arthur

hit,” stopping or trying to teach her to

was younger than her. She kept hitting

behave and suppressing her natural

him and stealing his toys, they fought

processes, it had never worked with us.

over all his toys. His parents protected

We would do that at my house, because

him from her, but they said, “oh this is

I would compromise with my roommates

normal, you can have two sets of every

(four against one) and it never worked

out into a happy ending. I’ve seen some

Then I moved into my new house with a

of the ways that Arthur’s dad acts

nice new roommate Barry, where

with kids, because he works with

Clover cried so much less, and danced

“problem” children in a hospital, and I’ve

around the house and played, the

learned a lot from him. I think he is

tension in the air was gone. Barry was

great and wish he would write an

a Buddhist; he was older and had a

article or a book on how he handles

almost grown teenage son who lived with

different situations in a positive and

his mother. This is from a conversation

gentle manner, which I feel gets better

we had once:

results (eventually) than typical negative discipline methods Usually people would make me feel so bad, like I was a negligent parent because I didn’t discipline her from running around or touching people and their things. Or if I didn’t immediately jump on her case about how she acted with others. Oh I did it gently for the other parent’s sake, and I do believe in lending a helping hand to get them out of their quibbles. If Clover had more toys she wouldn’t bug us – my roommates used to say. I believe no one could say Clover isn’t a healthy and bright eyed quick and friendly child, what more could you want? Apparently a quiet, respectful and behaved one, which at this age how can it possibly be possible without dominating them. The thing is lots of kids are doing the same thing as her but getting hit or emotionally punished for it.

“You’re giving her the opportunity to

be herself – to be all of it and learn her own lessons, that’s the best thing you can give her,” said Barry.

“The second thing I want to give

her,” I say, “is I want to give her a sense of history, some cultural reference – so she will not get hurt as much as I was with no references, I was set up to just buy into this system.”

“Yea, but you want to give her

compassion too. Not just more polarities, more war, or having a free space in the corner, away from everybody else, is that so good? Give her compassion. Tell her, when you teach her politics and all, say those poor confused people. Don’t teach her just to hate them.

Compassion, if anything, will be the thing to really change our situation.”

“Wow, I never looked at it like that.”

Then he said, “In your zine, you don’t

Colorado 2008

want to tell somebody to breastfeed or not to breastfeed. The point is to follow

by Connie Murillo

what you feel inside – the point is to get it themselves, to trust themselves, not to be told what to do.”

“Yea, but sometimes you need

support in what you do. Like when Clover was born, my mom brought her cradle and said it wasn’t good to sleep with her, but my midwife said: She’s

sick, put her in your bed, and I did, because that was what I really wanted to do, but I wasn’t sure what was right.”

This is what else he said, with his San Francisco Buddhist point of view, “All people, of any age, should be able to go through their life, accepted for what they are, some of them enlightened, some confused. We are born with personality. We shouldn’t distinguish so much, the child category – all people are people with separate personalities. We should enjoy our children the way we do our friends, and help them, like how anyone who needs help should be helped.

Children need a lot of care, but that doesn’t mean we know better than they do.”

When I first found out I was pregnant, I did what many parents do when they hear the news--I began reading tons of parenting books and other radical resources, including a lot of the mama zines we had in our zine library. Though I consider my self a bit more radical ideologically, politically, and otherwise, I also read a few mainstream books and magazines.

Many of the more mainstream texts emphasized time as being a major issue, through plain advice such as, it’s okay to leave that load of laundry or other chores for later, or through personal anecdote like not having time for a shower or brushing their teeth, etc.

When I first read these particular experiences, I thought to myself, “how can one not find five minutes in day to start a load of laundry or brush one’s teeth?”

Legally, my status is single-parent. In reality, that is not how I feel. Not only do I have support from M, my son’s father, as well as his family, but I also

have the support and love from my

community, things would be a lot harder

family, my whole community, and my

for me. Because of my collective living

partner, Q. I consider myself very

situation, my bills are fairly cheap.

lucky to have the living situation I do. I

That has allowed me to work only three

live in a collective house with five people,

days a week so that I may spend most

two of which (E and R) are two older

of my time at home with Nicolai.

men who’s kids have grown and moved on. One was a single father for a while

Another support network that I’ve

and the other was a stay-at-home

utilized often is the a-parenting

father who homeschooled his two girls. In

listserv. Many of the folks here I

addition, they were non-traditional as

haven’t met in person, many of the

well, and took on roles that weren’t

questions I haven’t posted, but the

exactly the norm in our society,

advice there has still helped immensely.

especially during the time they were

One of the questions I had asked was

raising their children. I also live with J,

about me holding Nicolai too much. My

one of my closest allies and I have other

housemate, J, felt that I held him too

allies as that I don’t live with, including

much so it made it harder for other

my doula L, her partner JC and their

folks to watch him. He felt that I could

little Romona born September 2008.

let him cry, that holding him all the time was unnecessary. Many used the old

There have been times where for some

adage that it’s good for his lungs, J

reason or another, Nicolai and I have

just felt it’d make him more

been the only ones at the house. It was

independent. At 3-6 months, I didn’t

in those moments that I realized what

really think Nicolai needed to learn

kind of advice those texts were giving.

independence just yet. Personally I felt

There were times when I was so hungry,

that if Nicolai wanted to be held by me

but couldn’t fix something to eat, there

or someone, then that was fine. I felt

were times when I would’ve liked to get

that he wouldn’t be crying if he didn’t

some chores done and it just didn’t

need something, even if it was just

work out. I’ve definitely gained a new,

personal contact. I received alot of

larger respect for single parents,

support and validation from the list and

understanding that, without my

when I relayed this information to J, I

think he seemed to understand a bit

be. If I need to do something, there is

more, at least he didn’t say anything

always someone there willing to chill with

to me anymore. Though my sister-in-law

Nicolai so that I can get it done. Sadly,

doesn’t consider herself a radical or

so many parents do not have that

an anarchist, she is very much

choice. It was discouraging to read

interested in this kind of parenting and

those mainstream texts to see what

we trade books often. Since then I’ve

the norm in our society is. It’s a society

read many books in regards to

that is not very supportive of parents,

communicating with children and non-

especially mothers or single parents.

punitive parenting. I don’t know if J will

These texts assume that the parents

ever get around to reading them, but I

have no help from other sources, and in

felt validated in my actions--I wasn’t

many cases, they don’t. I’m not sure

just spoiling my child, but providing the

what I would do without the support

physical comfort and stimulation that

network I have. That’s why I think it is

is just as important to babies as

so important in the radical/anarchist

mental and emotional comfort.

community to be as supportive of parents as possible. They have just as

Regardless of how my community and I

much at stake and the desire to be

differ in our ideals about parenting, I

involved as anybody else. When all is

am eternally grateful for the help I

said and done, it doesn’t take much

receive from them. I like having E and

for a non-parent ally to lend a helping

R around because they’ve been in my

hand—cook a meal, do a little clean up,

shoes. I can bounce ideas off of them

or hang out with the child so that the

and ask advice. My partner, Q is

parent can do those things, or so they

immensely helpful and treats Nicolai as

can get a little time to write, read, or

his own. He is always willing to hang out

just relax. It doesn’t take much—just

with Nicolai so that I may pursue other

ask and know your efforts, your

interests. J, MP and other non-

support, your concern, and your love are

parents in my community are just as

much appreciated.

helpful, though in different ways. They hang out with Nicolai while I write,

“You are doing the most revolutionary thing

shower, clean, whatever it happens to

you can do—raising children.”–Dr. T. Tim Casey

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT: How do we integrate kids and adults?

What are our expectations in how to interact with each other as a community? personally, what i would love to see more than babysitting or anything else is a discussion or hand-out, some kind of statement on community standards relating to children. i realize that could be complicated to get consensus on depending on process, but it would be cool. the thing that stresses me out the most about taking my baby places is having to worry about whether other people (adults) are willing to deal with their own comfort issues. i am always responsible for my kid's safety and needs, unless someone else agrees to take care of them for a while, but i wish i could let him roam free and explore without having to stop him from touching other people or their stuff. i am fine with other people not wanting to be touched by him, but i wish i could assume that if it wasn't fine they would deal with it themselves or at least ask me to deal with it without treating me like i had done something wrong. i would like this in all public settings, but at least in radical settings that are not exclusively adult it would be really nice. i would also like to know what people's expectations are in regard to noise. i take my little one out of lectures and meetings if he is being so loud that it's really disrupting what is happening, but it's hard not to be concerned if he just shrieks loudly occasionally -- i would like to know whether organizers or people in attendance are concerned about that sort of thing or not. i had another idea, too...providing something like activity packages, snacks or a toy library that people could pick things up from to help support kids who would be going around to different activities with their parents could be cool.

As someone whose kid is not often without a parent, I find great comfort in knowing that when I leave him in a childcare zone the people there will call me at the drop of a hat. That makes me more free to get involved – not worrying about whether my kid is wanting me. I think that it would be great if, in situations where kids are dropped off, there are a couple of extra cell phones or 2-way radios for parents who don't have cell phones as well as a very bold policy about calling parents upon first request or other expressed need of the child.

I also really like spaces where kids and adults are integrated rather than just having drop-off, but sometimes that doesn't work or isn't appropriate (whatever that means!).

From the brainstorming session at the Revolutionary Parenting Caucus at the 2008 Allied Media Conference: Here are two of the suggestions we came up with about making an event be child-friendly: •

At the start of an event, let the audience know that kids and kid noise is both okay and welcome.

•

Think about how the conference/event is helping parents/kids/families get to them. Remember that if we're flying, bussing, taking the train, etc., we're often paying for more than one seat (in addition to taking time off work, having to pay for TWO-(or more than two) meals instead of one at each mealtime, etc). How are the organizers working to make the event accessible for lower-income parents/families? (Two mothers realized that they couldn't come to the AMC because they just couldn't afford the cost of travel. Both lived in places where it wasn't really feasible to get a ride from someone already going or hop on a group bus

To download the full list of suggestions and tips from various parents on the Anarchist Parenting List Serv , go here: http://drop.io/childfriendly

Children's Crusade text & photos by Laura Fokkena Last week the kids at the afterschool program where I work were finishing up a unit on recycling, and they said they wanted to make election posters instead of environment posters. So that's what we did.

I was (almost obsessively) clear that this was optional, that they could make recycling posters instead, or if they wanted to make an election poster without declaring a candidate they could simply paint "Vote!" or something of that nature, and that if they did want to choose a candidate they could of course choose whichever one they liked.

But this is Cambridge.

So that was the week before the election. Monday, we took to the streets!

We made two fliers. One was a list of reasons to support Obama. They came up with: * * * * * *

Wants to lower taxes.

Bring soldiers back and stop the war in Iraq.

Wants to convince people to try and stop global warming.

The first African-American to become president.

Give more people health care.

It's unfair because people have stereotyped him.

The second was a list of reasons to vote, period. About half of this group have parents who've fled

dictatorships, and those who don't are well-versed on the Civil Rights Movement, so they were pre-politicized about elections. I basically just gave them a pen.

Before we left we talked about how people can be rude when you talk to them about politics, so they needed to be prepared for that, and that if it happened they should just keep being polite and if they felt uncomfortable say "why don't you talk to my teacher about this?" and then come find me.

But again, it's Cambridge. The response we got was universally positive. We got lots of thumbs-up signs from people coming out of the T or passing by on the sidewalk or sitting inside restaurants. Most of the people who wouldn't accept a flier said it was because they'd already voted for Obama by absentee ballot and didn't want us to waste our resources. Hippies.

Even the cops were nice.

As we were on our way back, we met up with this lady, who was standing by herself. We hung out with her for a while so that we could shamelessly solicit honks from passing motorists.

Before leaving I'd wondered if I should teach them a couple chants or something, but as soon as we left the building they started shouting "O! Ba! Ma! O! Ba! Ma!" all on their own. They kept that up for an hour.

When we got back one of the girls asked if we could do it again next week. I said unfortunately (?) the election would be over. They knew that but now seemed bummed by it. I asked them to be thinking about other things we could be doing in the community.

I hope they remember this day. I know I will.

Potential activities to do with children: some of what we've done at the Bay Area Anarchist Bookfair in years past: • • • • • •

decorate a t-shirt...we provided fabric markers and various sizes of reclaimed (thrifted) t-shirts beads, beads, beads playdough, with kitchen utensils for toys with it big paper on the walls with paints and/or markers big leggos for the littler kids -the folks who did the kids space this year had little tote bags to decorate with fabric markers, and I think they were also decorating little flower pots.

From the Kidz’ Corner at the Mid-Atlantic Anarchist Bookfair: • • • •

• •

nap space, snacks, craft space, active space comfy chair for nursing mother workshops for kids and workshops by kids – yoga, radical children’s story-time, singer played songs for kids, 8 year old taught button making to older people who enjoyed it a lot.

A Kidz Parade can be a great way for kids and larger event to interact - really fun! Kidz of all ages dressed up and marched around outside and in the bookfair to the cheers of vendors. Our parades tended to be rather surreal and spontaneous. “More Fun” was the first theme; “Book Monster” was the second years. Originally it was a kids idea, and I usually have little to do with this, (would feel scared to plan it) just help facilitate the experience, when there is enough kids and adults ready to bust out.

Dress up clothes, face paints, paper table to sit around and draw on Keep the spirit of the larger event, whatever the parents can get out of it, the kids should be able to enjoy and pick up similar skills and so forth. A quality rad program for rad kids!

At the US Social Forum, the Children’s Social Forum had: • • • •

Video making workshop for older kids interviewing folks “why did you decide to come to the social forum” and editing it into a 15 minute video. See the video at: http://www.leftturn.org/?q=node/971 Kids contribute sentences to make the Children’s Bill of Rights Play with clay, make houses and learn about gentrification 9-11 year olds planned and presented a presentation to the adults

At the 2008 Allied Media Conference, the Kids' Track had: • • •

block printing street art (learning to cut a stencil and safely spraypaint it) writing letters as a form of political activism

Continuing the Struggle: Lessons to Be Learned from Mothers and Children in Zapatista Communities (text & photos by Victoria Law with lots of input from Terry Rodriguez)

“But it is not just the zapatista villages which have grown – the EZLN has also grown. Because what has happened during this time is that new generations have renewed our entire organization. They have added new strength. The comandantes and comandantas who were in their maturity at the beginning of the uprising in 1994 now have the wisdom they gained in the war and in the 12 years of dialogue with thousands of men and women from throughout the world. The members of the CCRI, the zapatista political-organizational leadership, is now counseling and directing the new ones who are entering our struggle, as well as those who are holding leadership positions. For some time now the "committees" (which is what we call them) have been preparing an entire new generation of comandantes and comandantas who, following a period of instruction and testing, are beginning to learn the work of organizational leadership and to discharge their duties. And it also so happens that our insurgents, insurgentas, militants, local and regional responsables, as well as support bases, who were youngsters at the beginning of the uprising, are now mature men and women, combat veterans and natural leaders in their units and communities. And those who were children in that January of '94 are now young people who have grown up in the resistance, and they have been trained in the rebel dignity lifted up by their elders throughout these 12 years of war. These young people have a political, technical and cultural training that we who began the zapatista movement did not have. This youth is now, more and more, sustaining our troops as well as leadership positions in the organization.” –from the Sixth Declaration of the Selva Lacandona

I had originally been inspired to go to the Women’s Encuentro by the call to volunteer at the Non-Conformist Cultural Center. Recognizing that an encounter of women required a safe (and fun!) place for them to leave their children while they attended meetings, plenaries and workshops, volunteers from a solidarity group put a call out for people around the world to help put together not just childcare, but a Non-Conformist Cultural Center whose activities would reflect the plenaries and sessions that their mothers were participating in.

As a mother who pushes for the social justice movement to support the parents and children in the struggle, I was excited. For the past year and a half, I had attended (predominantly white) anarchist and feminist events to present “Don’t Leave Your Friends Behind,” a workshop outlining the need for the radical community to support the mothers and children in their midst. My daughter, at ages five and six, accompanied me and had a chance to experience each event’s childcare (or lack thereof).

At some, such as the Children’s Social Forum at the United States Social Forum (USSF), she had participated in activities reflecting the social justice themes of the day, discussing concepts such as gentrification, war and gender in ways that she, and other children her age, could grasp.

Reading about the plan for a Non-Conformist Cultural Center, I was intrigued. What would radical childcare in a zapatista community look like?

Then I got a call from Terry, a mother I had roomed with at the USSF. She and her now-threeyear-old daughter Pi were members of a delegation of women of color (and white allies) who were going to the encuentro. Was I interested in coming? My answer was an unequivocal YES!1 I joined the delegation1 and really became excited about the adventure we were all about to embark upon.

1 My own daughter Siu Loong chose to go to her grandparents' house for their annual Christmas celebration.

I didn’t find the Non-Cultural Conformist Center until the second day of the three-day encuentro.

It was far from the center of the community where the plenary sessions and other activities were taking place. A woman and several boys were painting a mural on the cinderblock façade of the school. Other boys raced around hitting each other with empty plastic bottles, apparently a favorite game among children in the campo. There were eight childcare providers and eight little boys. The man I spoke to looked at Pi and said, “There aren’t any girls here.”

“Why not?” we asked.

He shrugged. “Maybe they are busy working.”

Only much later did I begin to realize that the concept of organized childcare—of separating children from the adult activities—is a western capitalist concept. In other cultures, children are integrated into daily life, not shunted into a corner or separate room far from grown-up eyes and ears. The zapatistas didn’t need the kind of childcare usually expected by those of us north of the border. They incorporated their children into the struggle, teaching not only with stories and words but also by example. After all, the children (and their children and their children’s children) is who the struggle is ultimately for. To emphasize this point, many of the t-shirts and gas sold during the encuentro depicted small children growing out of corn stalks.

Throughout the plenary sessions, children ran in and out of the auditorium to see and sit with their mothers or to be hugged before dashing off to resume playing outside. Babies sometimes cried, but no one took much notice and, unlike meetings and events in the north, no one even dared suggest that the mother leave. Masked girls sat beside their mothers, listening to the stories of what their lives might have looked like had they not been born into the movement.

“Before, only the men and boys could have fun,” Comandanta Rosalinda said on the first day.

“Girls had to take care of the babies and never had time to go to school or even to play.”

Having heard stories from their parents and grandparents, children, particularly the girls, understand the significance of what they now have. Marina stood before thousands of women from around the world and, in the clear words of a girl just about to turn nine, stated what the revolution means to her:

I want to tell you about my life. I study in an autonomous zapatista school because I have rights.

My parents respect my right to dance, to sing,to have fun. In my autonomous school, sometimes we don’t have school supplies and we don’t ask the government because we are part of the resistance. My father works in his fields and and sells his harvest so that we have money to buy my

school supplies. We are zapatistas and we don’t take crumbs from the government. I am very proud to be a zapatista; we won’t be discouraged because we are used to resisting.

That evening, a woman from our delegation wondered aloud about the girl’s speech: Could a nine-year-old really have come up with these words and sentiments on her own?

Raising a child of my own in the struggle and having seen how her older peers talk and think, I defended the girl’s sincerity. When children are taught and included from an early age, they absorb these teachings. They ask questions about experiences and realities and, if their questions aren’t dismissed or silenced, their understanding and consciousness grows.

Mothers both in and out of the zapatista movement are the primary teachers of their children. For many women, the zapatistas were the first to encourage them to think, question and learn:

Before the EZLN, we [the mothers] didn’t have this education. We didn’t know that we could fight a just fight for the well-being of our children. We dedicated ourselves to working in our homes and in the homes of the landowners. Our children were raised like animals. We didn’t educate our children [before] because we didn’t know these things. The landowners didn’t teach us so that they could keep us as workers.

–Maribel, a zapatista mother

Integrating mothers has been crucial to continuing the struggle. This sentiment was repeated again and again as women from the different caracoles spoke their experiences: “As mothers, we set examples for our children,” stated Elizabeth, a mother from La Realidad.

“We teach them that unless you fight, you are fucked. As mothers, we show by example, by taking on responsibilities and participation in the EZLN, in the region, in the CCRI. We teach our children not to contaminate the earth with chemicals so that it will continue to provide for us and for future generations.”

“When our children are small, we talk to them about what they’d like to do when they are big,” stated Elena, a mother from Oventic. “We talk about options in the military, in the community, and in doing political work. We tell them that they have the same rights as the Ladrones [lightskinned landowners]. We talk about the resistance and why we resist. We teach them why we don’t receive help from the bad government.”

Some women spoke about the difficulties of actively participating in the struggle. Some husbands do not understand the importance of women’s participation, fearing that if their wives are active in the community, the work at home is left undone. Other husbands agree to their wives’ public participation provided that they continue do all of the housework and childcare.

Zapatista mothers are actively raising the next generation to combat these entrenched oppressions and gender expectations: “We teach the boys housework so that when they are bigger they can help. This creates a sense of equality between boys and girls. We teach [all our children] to

defend ourselves and our community when the army comes in to try to evict us,” said Elena.

Gabriella, another mother from Oventic, explained that, without the participation of the mothers, the struggle falters: “Sometimes mothers will say they can’t participate because they don’t understand the importance of their participation. Some women do not want to send their children to the autonomous school because there is so much responsibility at home and they don’t understand the concept of collectivism.”

For the mothers who do participate in the struggle, their children—both boys and girls—learn from their examples. They teach their children by modeling what women’s participation looks like and shows them how this is important.

The lessons for us visitors should not be that our communities are relieved of the responsibility of providing childcare or otherwise supporting the specific needs of mothers and children. Rather, we have witnessed how the zapatistas incorporate children into their struggle, how they include mothers and children rather than shunting them into a corner or onto the outskirts. And, fourteen years after the uprising, we see that those who were small children in 1994, who grew up in the movement, now entering and continuing the struggle for dignity and liberty.

Now, when we return home to organize ourselves, we need to find a way to do the same in our own communities and movements.

A group of women from Mexico City made a huge banner of the zapatistas' Revolutionary Law of Women.

They had it near the coffee stand with the good coffee (whose 3 percolators blew the power in the community and so they only used two after that) and people stopped to embroider a letter (or two) with colorful thread.

"We shared a baby by babybaby-sitting, in turn, for the daughter of a professor-professor--as --as much, I think because we wanted to keep in touch with a world with babies in it as for the money each of us earned." --Margaret --Margaret Mead on her days at Barnard College, College, Blackberry Winter

And some more ideas on how to support the children and caregivers around you: Organize games for kids to play together (non competitive) or art supplies and a space specifically for the kids. We want children of radical parents to become friends with each other and parents to be able to talk to other adults. For actions, have all the kids write "Baby Bloc" or "Kid Bloc" on their signs.

It is really helpful for organizers to direct parents with strollers to a safe space before a planned arrest situation. We experienced this once- we had marched through Kent with the Portage Peace group and as we approached the bridge, an awesome organizer pointed all the parents with strollers off the road and onto the sidewalk because they were going to block the bridge and risk arrest to do it.

Tell smokers if they have to smoke around kids to at least point their firesticks toward themselves instead of sticking them out at kids' eye level.

Honor kids somewhere in your readings if it is at possible to do so. Show kids some positive attention, by introducing them, hugging them, playing with them, giving parents a break now and then.

Keep toddler-chasers company... If you see a parent doing nothing at an event but chasing a toddler around, it probably means the parent planned on participating more in the event but cannot. Parenting can be pretty lonely especially when you're around people you can't talk to.

China’s daughter Clover and her friend Lindsy in Santa Cruz

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: SUBMISSIONS: DON'T LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS FRIENDS BEHIND: A RADICAL RADICAL PARENTS ALLIES HANDBOOK CONCRETE WAYS YOU CAN SUPPORT PARENTS AND CHILDREN IN YOUR SCENE Don't Leave Your Friends Behind is a book geared toward the non-parent radical community about how to be an ally to the parent(s) in their midst.

This book is going to be a collection of some of the best minds out there. We're looking for activists, allies, and radical parents to submit the most kicking stuff to make this the best book ever for getting down to business: let's make a better world WITHOUT Leaving out the mamas (and papas, partners, child-care providers) and children this time!

We are interested in submissions that focus on practical concrete ways you can (and have!) supported parents and children in your scene! We want stories of including children and parents in the anarchist and anti-capitalist activist movement such as: organizing Kidz Corners at radical bookfairs, providing childcare at specific events or as a political action, creating Baby blocs, and being part of collectives who include childcare so their members can participate, etc.

Word limit is from one sentence suggestions to 5.000 word essays.

Deadline: Feb. 1, 2009 About the Editors: Vikki Law is a writer, photographer and mother who has been working on a survey of anarchist mothers for the past two years. She also put out the zine "Mama Sez No War," a compilation of mothers' experiences and activism against the U.S. war on Iraq and is the co-editor of "Tenacious: Art and Writings from Women in Prison." Her first book Resistance Behind Bars: The Struggles of Incarcerated Women (women.prisonersresistance.org) is coming out on PM Press.

China Martens is the editor of the long-running zine "The Future Generation ", Slug & Lettuce columnist, and mother of a 20 year old. Her first book The Future Generation: a zine-book for subculture parents, kids, friends + others is an anthology of 16 years of her zine and is put out by Atomic Book Company – also available from AK PRESS Jessica Mills writes a monthly column for Maximum Rock N Roll, "My Mother Wears Combat Boots" and her book came out on AK Press in November 2007 by the same title. She's a mother of two, sometimes plays sax with Citizen Fish, and is always all about organizing cooperative childcare.

Questions? Feel free to get in touch.

Contact: China Martens China410@hotmail.com P.O. Box 4803, Baltimore MD 21211 or Vikki Law vikkimL@yahoo.com PO Box 20388, Tompkins Square Station, New York, NY 10009