Hope College
Ihe anchor April 5, 1989
Entering a new century of service -- 101 years
News
Arts Air Jam set for Friday
Opinion Housing for next year is a mess '•
RANGHOR:
PAID Pcnril f 392 Holland, Ml
Volume 101, No. 22
'Running towards another title'
Fong appointed as Dean of Arts and Humanities
Sports Northuis takes over track
Bulk Rale
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The women's track team is working hard this spring to defend last years' MIAA championship. Here, Julia Cline (left) and Kristin Tichy jog to Buys Athletic Field for ""f™ practice.
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The annual spoof of Hope College returns! Pages 5-40.
Page 2
April 5, 1989
News Local News
Hope appoints Fong as new dean lege he was recognized as an outstanding teacher and a highly respected faculty leader. He also has gained valuable experience at the national level through several roles in Washington, DC." While a p p l a u d i n g F o n g ' s qualifications, Nyenhuis credited Bruins for his years of leadership. ,4 Dr. Fong will be succeeding a very popular and very effective dean. Dr. Elton Bruins, who has served very ably as dean these past five years," Nyenhuis said. "Dean Bruins was an ardent advocate for both the arts and the humanities and a superb model of the servant-leader. Throughout his career he retained the tremendous esteem in which he had been held as a professor in the religion department. I therefore am very pleased that he will serve as acting provost during my sabbatical here this fall, before he begins his own well deserved sabbatical," Nyenhuis said. Bruins, the Evert J. and Hattie E . B l e k k i n k P r o f e s s o r of Religion, will take a semesterlong sabbatical, returning to teach during the fall of 1990. Bruins has been a member of the Hope faculty since 1966. Fong said that he was impressed with the quality of the college's programs and faculty, and explained that he initially plans to become more familiar with the c o l l e g e ' s o p e r a t i o n s and dynamics. "The most important thing in the short run is that I need to find out the ways that Hope does things," Fong said, ' i t ' s only after that that one may conscientiously and wisely help make things better." Fong has been with Berea Col-
lege since 1978, first serving as an assistant professor. He has served on several Berea College and community boards and committees, and during a 1986-87 sabbatical was a National Fellow with the Association of American Colleges (AAC) in Washington, D C., as assistant director of a project on assessing learning in academic majors using external examiners. He has been a frequent grant review panelist for AAC, for the National Endowment for the Humanities and the Fund for the Improvement of Post-Secondary Education. He is currently a board member and grant reviewer for the Kentucky Humanities Council, the state arm of the National Endowment for the Humanities. He is also a member of the Advisory Board for the High SchoolCollege Cooperative Learning Program, which provides a Mellon grant designed to bring high school teachers to the Berea c a m p u s for e n r i c h m e n t seminars. Fong has made presentations at several conferences, and has been published extensively. His teaching specialities are 19th and 20th c e n t u r y E n g l i s h a n d American literature, poetry, intellectual history and literature. He earned his doctorate in English in 1978 from the University of California-Los Angeles, where he worked as a teaching assistant in the department of English. He is a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard University, where he earned his bachelor's degree in English and was elected to Phi Beta Kappa.
Pearson explained. She went on to explain the three stages that children go Talking about communication through: the imitate stage, the patterns between women and play stage, and finally the game men, Dr. Judy Pearson, director stage, where a child "interof graduate studies in Interper- nalizes the sense of he or she." Pearson said, "This is a stage sonal Communication at Ohio University, said that "gender is of the creation of a whole person. highly correlated with non- This is when children turn to behaviors that people encourage verbal and verbal cues." A d d r e s s i n g Hope C o l l e g e in terms of our society." Raising a point of sex role constudents, faculty and guests in vergence where boys and girls the Maas Auditorium on March 90, Dr. Pearson pointed out how bccome masculine, feminine or gender and language are related. sometimes meet in the middle, "Masculinity and femininity," she said that a person doesn't she said, "represent one way of need to be a female to be f e m i n i n e or a m a l e to be sex roles. "Biological sex is a physical masculine.
than feminine people," she emphasized. Pearson added that masculine people tend to overlap, compete and take more turns in a conversation as opposed to feminine people who are more expressive in communicating, "in short they are said to be sossioins.''
V Dr. Bobby Fong HOPE ~ Dr. Bobby Fong, associate professor and acting chair of English at Berea College in Berea, Ky. has been appointed dean for the arts and humanities and professor of English at Hope College according to Dr. Jacob Nyenhuis, provost at Hope. Fong, who will assume his new duties in July, will replace Dr. Elton J. Bruins, the current dean. Bruins, in turn, will serve as the college's provost while Nyenhuis is on a sabbatical leave in the fall; later Bruins will return to teaching in the department of religion. "I'm genuinely excited at the prospect of working with him as our new dean for the arts and humanities," Nyenhuis said of Fong. "He brings to the position a c o m b i n a t i o n of p e r s o n a l qualities and expertise which should make him a very effective academic leader. At Berea Col-
Fong will be moving to the Holland area with his wife Suzanne, an attorney and their son, Jonathan, who is five.
Baker scholarship
applications
due
(HOPE) - The deadline for Baker Scholarship applications is Friday, April 7. The Baker Scholars program, established by George F. Baker of Harvard's business school, provides selected business students with the opportunity to interact with a variety of business and community leaders, as well as to travel to major metropolitan areas such as New York, Philadelphia and San Francisco. To qualify, students must be sophomores with a cumulative GPA of at least 3.0, and must be interested in pursuing a career in business. Applications are available in the Provost's office.
Assault
seminar
offered tonight
(HOPE) - On Wednesday, April 5, the Student Development Ofice will sponsor a seminar on 4 'Personal Assault Crime: Avoidance and Survival." The seminar is scheduled for 5 p.m. in the Maas Conference Room. For more information, contact the Student Development Office at x7800 or 394-7800.
Visiting Vietnamese scholars to give their views on Vietnam War (HOPE) - "The Vietnam War and After from a Vietnamese Point of View" is the subject of a campus forum scheduled for Thursday, April 6, at 11 a.m. The talk will be given by three visiting scholars from Hanoi in Cook Auditorium of DePree Arts Center. Refreshments will be served afterwards in the Maas Conference Room.
LSAT
workshop
scheduled
(LOPE) ~ An LSAT workshop for prospective law students will be held on Tuesday, April 11. Topics discussed will be the legal profession and preparation for the Law School Admissions Test. For more information, contact James Zoetewey, Political Science department, or Dale Austin of the department of Career Planning and Placement.
Air Jam begins at 7:30 Friday (HOPE) - Posters for the upcoming Air jam contest sponsored by S A C. contain incorrect information on the event. Doors for the event will open at 7:15, and the Airjam contest will begin at 7:30. For more information, contact the S A C. office at x7882.
Cottages not available Pearson correlates gender with language for summer housing
by Mpine Qakisa anchor staff writer
variable while gender is a "What I want you to get out of psychological variable or inter this room with is to know that nalized symbolic interaction. masculine people talk a lot more
Giving the differences between the feminine people and the masculine people, she said that feminine people tend to ask hazy questions and don't touch or initiate a touch whereas masculine people stare aggressively, use more sweeping gestures and touch each other.
Dr. Pearson, who was one of the Presidential Lecture Series speakers, pointed out the differences between clothes worn
by Carrie Maples anchor staff writer As students begin registering for summer classes questions are arising concerning housing. Rumors about the cottages being closed have been confirmed. Due to inadequate staffing and problems of neglect caused by students staying in cottages last summer. Housing Director Anne Bakker-Gras said all cottages will be closed except the ones being used by the summer theatre. This includes all the cottages occupied by Greek organiza-
tions. These won't be used for theatre housing so the Greeks can continue to keep their things there. The Administration feels it would be unfair to independents to allow Greeks to remain in their c o t t a g e s while others couldn't. Housing will be available for students remaining on campus over the summer in Centennial Apartments. Priority will be given to students taking classes, working on campus and working off campus, in that order. Applications will be available during registration this week.
by feminine and masculine peo"I cannot ignore the fact that ple. Feminine people tend to our culture has male bias; for indress up in tight clothes and stance, it f a v o r s m a s c u l i n e masculine people prefer loose b a h a v i o r s o v e r f e m i n i n e clothes. behaviors," she commented.
April 5,1989
Page 3
More News Rostow details Bush's first 100 days by Jon Hofman anchor staff writer
i t ' s an uneasy town," Professor Elspeth Rostow said of Washington, D.C. while lecturing on "The Bush Presidency: The First 100 Days" last Thursday, M a r c h 3 0 , in t h e M a a s Auditorium. Rostow. the Stiles Professor of American Studies and Government at the University of Texas, was on c a m p u s as the Phi Beta Kappa lecturer and opened her r e m a r k s with advice to the new m e m b e r s of the oldest scholastic honor society on campus. Quoting from Alexis D'toqueville, she said, "History is like a portrait gallery in which there are few originals and many copies." She then challenged the Phi Beta Kappa m e m b e r s to be originals and to find solutions to the difficult problems of today.
In the first one hundred days, we're looking for an overarching sense of direction," Rostow said. Three things in the present situation which deserve particular attention a r e Bush's response to the invitation to struggle, his inveraction with the world outside tnd his stream of presidential d e v e l o p m e n t which. Rostow pointed out. was not a trout stream. The constitution provides an invitation for struggle between Congress and the president. Although some presidents have taken up this challenge. Bush has not. "Mr. Bush has hoped in the immediate transition to try to reduce the struggle, for the good reason that the Congress is so d o m i n a t e d by D e m o c r a t s , " Rostow explained. This is important, particularly when addressing the problem of the deficit.
"The only way out of the deficit dilemma is one in which both sides give a little," Rostow claimed. She believed a compromise in this a r e a would be necessary despite Bush's adamant campaign promises of no new taxes. Bush was relating well to congressional Democrats until his nomination of John Tower to Secretary of Defense. With that nomination, Rostow said, "It appeared that Bush was unravelling everything he'd done...but, there's been a change of mood since." Pointing to the quick and u n a n i m o u s c o n f i r m a t i o n of Richard Cheney to the position and noting America's short attention span, she anticipated that the p r e s i d e n t and Congress would soon be completely reconciled
VanWylen library receives architecture award HOPE - The Gordon and School and University," which Margaret Van Wylen Library at included the building in its "ArHope College has received an c h i t e c t u r a l P o r t f o l i o 1988," award of excellence for library awarding the library one of 13 a r c h i t e c t u r e f r o m the 1989 citations given to new educaLibrary Buildings Award J u r y of tional facilities across the nation. the American Institute of ArConstruction of the library, chitecture. which was dedicated April 21, The committee selected seven 1988, began in March, 1986. The libraries for the a w a r d from 141 project's architect was the firm submissions. The a w a r d s will be of Shepley Bulfinch Richardson p r e s e n t e d at t h e A m e r i c a n and Abbott of Boston, Mass. Library Association's Annual Pioneer Construction of Grand C o n f e r e n c e held in D a l l a s , Rapids was the general contracTexas, on Saturday, J u n e 24. tor. 4 T m absolutely delighted because it confirms what we The faculty's external design a l r e a d y believed about the was influenced by the classical building," said David Jensen, Dutch-Flemish flavor of strucdirector of libraries at Hope. tures such as Voorhees Hall, "And it's an award that can be which stands east of the library, shared by a number of people - yet also mirrors the modern lines the architects, those of us at the of buildings like the P e a l e college who participated in the Science Center, which lies to the south. design and the builder." The Van Wylen Library has Several groups of windows brbeen featured in the December, ing natural light into the interior library a r c h i t e c t u r e issue of of the library, which is softly "Library J o u r n a l " and in the carpeted and features finished November issue of "American wood trim and brass handrails.
Conveniences of the new library include microcomputers, audiovisual equipment, an online computer catalog system and c o m p u t e r i z e d m a t e r i a l s check-out. "The building is very attractive, but it's also functional. If it were simply a t t r a c t i v e , but didn't work well a s a library, then we wouldn't be happy with it -- and it certainly wouldn't have won an a w a r d , " Jensen said. "But this building works very well for both staff and user. And I'm convinced that part of the reason it works so well is because it's such an attractive environment." "Maybe the key word here is that this building is really inviting. One of the faculty commented when we moved in that even the books looked better in this building. And on the surface that sounds n a i v e , but the strange thing is I think he's right - because I've had the same experience," Jensen said.
Disabilities Week offers learning opportunity (HOPE) - All this week, April 3-7, Hope College will be sponsoring its second annual Disability Awareness week, in an effort to promote understanding of persons with physical and learning disabilities. According to Louise Shumaker, the coordinator of disabled student services at Hope College, the goal of the week-long event will be to offer a clearer understanding of issues and situations persons with disabilities and those without disabilities must face together in the future. On Wednesday, April 5, participants wULbeable to simulate
four different disabilities including mobility impairment, visual impairment, hearing impairment and learning disabilities. Instead of walking in someone else's shoes or seeing through another's eyes, participants may roll in another's wheelchair, eat lunch blindfolded, attend class with a temporary hearing impairment, or read "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut" (Little Red Riding Hood) a s seen by a person with a reading disability. Special events will be hosted all week long, including a volleyball game between m e m b e r s of Hope
College greek organizations and several disabled players, and the movie "Children of a Lesser God," sponsored by SAC, which will be playing in the Kletz. Both of these events are scheduled for Thursday night.
National News Shamir and Bush to talk in D.C. (AP) - Israel's Yitzhak Shamir says he has ideas for ways to end violence in the West Bank and Gaza strip. But he's made it clear that they're very different from President Bush's ideas. The two meet in Washington later this week.
National
Teacher of the Year named
(AP) -- The new National Teacher of the Year says education does not end at the schoolhouse door. Mary Bicouvaris of Bethel High School in Hampton, Virginia says parents need to stay active in their children's education. She says the help can range from direct involvement to providing a quiet place to study. Bicouvaris received the crystal apple award yesterday from President Bush.
Exxon to move tanker to Oregon (AP) - In Valdez, Alaska, Exxon officials say they have finished pumping 42 million gallons of crude oil from a crippled tanker that caused the nation's worst oil spill in history. They plan to begin moving the vessel today to Portland, Oregon for repairs.
Severe storm batters central U.S. (AP) - A severe storm system that battered Tennessee, Missouri and Arkansas has caused wide damage and left one toddler presumed drowned. At least two tornadoes in Mississippi ripped roofs off buildings. And in Southern Indiana, a mother told police that rising floodwaters swept a child from her arms as she escaped from her car.
AIDS sufferer
not allowed into U.S.
(.AP) - A California congresswoman is trying to get immigration officials to allow a Dutch visitor with AIDS to attend an international conference on gay health. Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi says mmigration officials are detaining him because he has an infecious and communicable disease, and she wants him to be granted a waiver. A friend of the man says officials stopped him at the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport when a luggage check turned up a drug used to treat AIDS.
Arias praises U.S. for giving humanitarian aid to Nicaragua (AP) -- Costa Rica's president is calling on Cuba and the Soviet Jnion to help end fighting in Central America. After meeting today vith President Bush, Oscar Arias praised the U.S. for its plans to provide more humanitarian aid to the Nicaraguan rebels.
rash-landing
injures 14 people
(AP) -- The Peruvian government news agency says 14 people have been injured in the flaming crash-landing of a domestic flight carrying 130 people. The report says the jetliner tilted sideways before touching down Monday night at the airport in Iquitos, in the Peruvian jungle, and one engine caught fire.
WIO names gender issues paper contest winners
(HOPE) - The Women's Issues Organization has announced it's Some events will be inter- winners in the Gender Issues preted for the deaf, and all are Paper Contest. The top winners open to the public. The final are Jill Bernson, who wrote event of the week will be an ap- "Ladies First in Ancient Athens" preciation coffee under the glass for a history class with Professor in the Kletz on Friday from 2 to 4 Albert Bell; Sandra Hansen, p.m. All interested parties are " R e l i g i o u s L a n g u a g e , " for encouraged to take part in the Christian Feminism with Lynne week's events, and to stop by for Japinga; and Navjotika Kumar, the coffee dn Friday, v v - \ v , "\yhere .Women are Free, But
Held in Chains," for English 113 with Barbara Mezeske. The winners will be presenting their papers at the WIO annual Spring Brunch tomorrow. The top winner will be asked to present her paper at the GLCA Women's Studies Student Conference, which will be hosted by Hope College, April 14-15. Hie top winner will also receive $50 at the Honors Convocation on April 27.
April 5,1989
Page 4
Letter to the editor
Editorial Student Development makes a mess of housing Like the old woman who lives in the shoe, the Student Development office seems not to know what to do with all of its "children." The housing situation for the 1989-90 academic year is, to put it bluntly, a mess, and the "children" are suffering. The problem is not so much an unwillingness on the part of the Student Development Office to communicate to students where they stand on housing, but the failure of this office to meet deadlines, to follow their own housing rules, and to take action. Currently, many students' housing plans for next year are in limbo. The Student Development Office, led by Dean for Student Development Bruce Johnston, and the Director of Housing, Anne Bakker-Gras, have yet to make a decision on many upperclass housing situations, including College East and off-campus permissions. This, in turn, creates problems for other aspects of the schedule. The root of the problem seems to be the inability of those in charge of housing to follow their own schedule. Not only was the Resident Assistant (RA) selection process considerably delayed, but housing cards have been accepted after the deadline, many off-campus oermissions have not been acted upon and students are still waitii^ for apartments which should have been filled over spring break. Perhaps the worst of these problems is the RA situation. In the first place, applications for RA positions were not available until a few days before they were due. Second, group meetings of potential RA's and Head Residents were not held until after spring break and after other housing situations had already been decided. Then, individual interviews between applicants and Johnston were canceled because the RA's for next year were to be decided on March 31. Johnston, in a letter dated March 20 (and received by RA applicants as late as March 29), cited an unusually great number of applicants and problems with Word Processing as the reasons for the delays in the schedule and the cancellation of interviews. However, we do not believe that these are good enough reasons for shortchanging RA applicants and the college as a whole. Many people did not have time enough to fill out the detailed application. Applicants were not given the chance to be in a one-on-one situation and were instead evaluated on a group experience where they were playing games. And the Student Development Office should not have been so shortsighted as to not allow enough time for Word Processing problems or an increased number of applicants. Another problem with the housing situation is the failure of the Student Development Office to follow their own rules. In the housing pamphlet sent to students, it says, "Those indicating 'off-campus* as an option will be considered last." However, persons who applied for off-campus are being allowed to squat in their current housing situation until decisions are made by the Contract Review Committee. Also, in regard to apartments, the pamphlet states, "Groups will be arranged in order by the total number of credit hours completed in descending order and by complete apartment groups." Information given to several groups contradicts this rule in two instances. First, Bakker-Gras has told groups that she intends to HepeCihije
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The anchor jcyssg* Editor-in-chief Associate Editor News Editor Assistant N e w s
Eric Shotwell Beth Pechta Julie Thomes Editor
Entertainment Editor Feature Editor Sports Editor Photo Editor Production Manager Ad Manager Cartoonist Advisor
Carrie Maples
Jim Monnelt Carol Ormsby Bill Meengs Jon Hofman Sarah Thompson Mark Van Iwaarden Wade Gugino David James
POSTMASTER: Send •ddreu changei lo: The anchor. DcWiii
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provide more of a co-ed setting in some apartments. This would make the number of credit hours irrelevant in some cases, as more males applied for Columbia and Parkview and as more females applied to College East. Second, groups which have members dropping out for RA positions or other housing situations have been left in their current status on the waiting lists. And finally, those in charge of housing have failed to take action towards resolving housing problems. College East has been put on hold until off-campus applications are granted. Students are being told to squat in their current housing until "something opens up." And no communication has been offered by the Student Development Office as to the current state of affairs; students are given answers, but only if they make the effort. Although the large sophomore class undoubtedly puts a snag in the housing system, room selection for students is only a week away. With the current number of students in limbo, underclass students will be backed up into Gilmore, Kollen and possibly even Dykstra by those students squatting in their dorm rooms because no decision has yet been made in their housing. The current system of housing is not a system designed to fail, but the Student Development Office has failed to comply with the designs of the system. We see an obvious sequence of events and a specific timetable that must be kept for the system to work as it should.
Students can be link with the ommunity Dear Editor,
Following up on a realization is just as important as the realiza tion itself, for that reason, a number of us who worked on the Chaplain's Office Spring Break Project have decided to see what we can do to help those who are less fortunate than us on a more regular basis. We didn't see anything that we didn't really expect to see Yet. we did realize that we were not doing everything that we could do to improve the situations of those who do not have the steady financial status that most of us enjoy. The need in the community of Holland is quite large, that we RA applications should go out in mid-February, as should offcan be a strong and meaningful campus applications. RA positions and off-campus permissions link in the chain of organizations should then be decided upon before spring break. This would that work to help the needy. eliminate the need for RA's to get caught up in the "regular" housMost of us have limited financial ing situation and would insure that apartments and cottages do not resources, and we all are busy get backed-up with squatters waiting for off-campus permission. However, these organizations And although one of the benefits of a college such as Hope is personal attention to student problems, the Student Development Of- can make use of our talents and efforts, even if we can only con fice should start follow the rules they have outlined for housing. Cottribute a small amount of our tages, apartments or rooms should not be saved for people; intime. complete groups should not be considered for apartments ; and peoIt is the hope of the new ple should be placed first by credit hours, not gender, into co-ed organization which we have housing. formed, and which is currently And finally, we'd like to see some action toward these solutions by unnamed, to help put students in the Student Development Office. They should communicate imcontact with the opportunities mediately with students if things are not going according to plan. which are available for students They should take action now on snags in housing. And they should to help. If this has sparked your review and revise their system before next year. interest at all, contact the We understand the headaches involved in finding housing for over Chaplain's Office. Our goal is to 2,000 students, but the Student Development Office has known about "get our hands dirty." and to the increase in the student body since the fall of 1987. And we realize really do some work for those that some housing has been taken care of on schedule, but the "old lady" needs to s e e the ramifications of the entire current system for who need us. the "children." Students should not have to be held in housing limbo, waiting for the Student Development Office to make decisions The 1989 Spring Break Projeci Team and take action. 1 1 1 ' " MMM B B B A A A C C the last set of tests to grade CKKK!!! ^ before the term papers start c r I always was a sucker for a M L N D a s h i n S i n T h e n ' o f course. cliched opening. S.I. Nasty's the there are those wonderful finals name. Sam Ira Nasty to my to grade. And as you teach, every friends. And my friends are student's mind is on him- or legion. How ya'll doing today? I herself. Students are selfish feel like the singer in a rock and They don't care how much work roll band. Maybe I'm Bon Jovi or you have to do. All the students I'm back Poison. think about is how mean you are I'm bringing the tour back to to k e e p s t i c k i n g out t h e Hope College. You dudes are deadlines. ready for another high voltage D o e s n ' t it s t e a m y o u injection of me. I want some s o m e t i m e s ? Selfish students pain. I want people to feel bad. I don't consider the stress ya'll are want people to cry. I want under. Well, fight back. If they're enough pressure to crush the going to hate you anyway, take weak. And I want to laugh as it heads into the grinder. The stress some pleasure out of your posihappens. Misery is bliss. 1 do levels are rising. And I can help. tion. Add an extra paper. Maybe believe Hope is ready once again The only relief from the rising a surprise essay quiz. Earn their for my loving influence. pressure is fun. And who knows hate. Be mean. You have your Only a month left, folks. As if more about fun than S.I. Nasty? doctorate, you don't deserve you can't already smell the First off, let me speak to your their disrespect. Remember, freedom. I can. I can smell the professors. Ya'll can feel the itch sadistic pleasure is still pleasure. sweat. People are sticking their yourselves, can't you? There are
SLIP OF THE
TIM MONNETT
Continued on p. 5
April 5,1989
Page5
Arts Musical Showcase features all Hope music groups HOLLAND - The variety of composers and types of music played in the Hope College Musical Showcase will m a t c h the diversity of the musical groups involved. Musical Showcase will take place in DeVos Hall in Grand Rapids at 8 p.m. on Wednesday, April 5. All of the college's major p e r f o r m i n g groups will participate, joined in concert for the first time. Secular and religious works; Gershwin favorites and Liszt classics will be among the songs performed. The production will open with "Simple Song" by Leonard Bernstein, perfomed as a vocal solo. Other pieces include "Gloria in Excelsis," from Mass in G Minor, performed by the Chapel Choir; " A m e r i c a n in P a r i s , " by George Gershwin, as performed by the Saxophone Quartet; "Au bord d'une source," by Franz Liszt, a piano solo; and " 0 Black Swan," a scene from the opera "The Medium," written by Gian Carlo Menotti. The Boys' Choir of Harlem sang at Dimnent Chapel last Friday Works written by Hope music to a sellout crowd. The group, which started as a 20-member faculty will also be performed. Thomas Langejans, a part-time church choir, was sponsored by the Great Performance Series. l e c t u r e r in m u s i c , w r o t e (PR photo) " R i t u a l , " a piece that will be perf o r m e d by t h e P e r c u s s i o n E n s e m b l e . P r o f e s s o r Robert Thompson, assistant professor of music, wrote "Divi S a m b a , " a composition that will be performThe Phantom ol tfte opera Beetlejuice ed by the college's Jazz Ensemble. Starring: Lon Chaney, Mary Starring: Michael Keaton, Thompson explained that Philbin Geena Davis, Winona Ryder
This week in Graves
This is the definitive version of the grotesque classic of the scarred creature who haunts the Paris Opera House. He is a man destroyed by the evil of others, now forced to fight defiantly to preserve his underground existence.
Continued from p. 4 Try it. Trust me, you'll feel better Secondly, what about you support people? It's time you started taking what you deserve. As the students get selfish, they stop talking to you as you clean the windows, vacuum the halls, serve the food and generally keep Hope afloat. Don't you feel invisible sometimes? Well, you don't deserve disrespect either. Get mean. Wouldn't it be fun to dump a load of manure in all the toilets in a dorm? Disrespect shouldn't be tolerated. Don't get mad, get even. Add to the pressure that the students are under. Make them cry. Selfishness requires meanness in return. It's what makes the world go 'round.
What do you do when you've recently been given a copy of ,4 The Handbook for the Recently Deceased," you can't leave your house, and the house is being haunted by the living? The Maitlands find out that the best idea is not to call Beetlejuice. Mnaiiy, wnat can you, the student body, do to feel a little better? You feel persecuted and stressed with and thousand and two things to do. Don't be passive. Don't be polite. The world owes you (at least Hope does - you paid your $11,000). People should cater to you. But if they don't, go out and take what you want. Cut in the Phelps line. You deserve your food NOW. Yell for your tests to be graded y e s t e r d a y . Kick anyone who is in your way. Take out your anger on your roommate. Don't let anyone push you around. Insult them. Insulting someone makes you fell superior. And being superior is the goal of life. "Be the best," they say. I say. "be the best, and hate the rest." And never forget to whine.
Every time someone asks you how you are, tell them how bad your life is. If they're going to ask stupid questions, then give it to them with both barrels. Complain and whine. You'll feel better, having gotten it off your chest and hopefully they'll yell at you because they have just as much to do and are sick to death of your whining. You'll both relieve stress. And maybe someone will cry. 1 like crying. What power you wield when you can m a k e another cry. I've got to get going. Monnett is praying again for help against me. Only through prayer can he beat me. So keep up the bad work, don't pray and go ahead ~ make someone cry. You deserve it.
"Divi S a m b a " has a Latin flavor, and was originally written on the C a r i b b e a n island of A r u b a , where Thompson performed three years ago. The piece takes its name from the "Divi Divi" tree, which is plentiful on the island. " S a m b a " means "music." Thompson has had several compositions and a r r a g e m e n t s published. He explained that "Divi S a m b a ' ' was written specifically for the Jazz Ensemble - and that the opportunity to write for the ensemble is one benefit of his position with the music d e p a r t m e n t . "One of the things I like is that I'm able to write a lot of pieces for the group," Thompson said. The groups featured in Musical Showcase will include the Chapel Choir, the College Chorus, the Collegium Singers, the college's orchestra and jazz ensemble, and several quartets, quintets, soloists and small ensembles. At least 250 students will be involved in the show. Tickets for Musical Showcase cost $8.50 each, and m a y be ordered through the Office of Public Relations at Hope College. The office, open from 8 a . m . to 5 p.m., is located on the second floor of the DeWitt Center, and m a y be called at (616)394-7860. Tickets m a y also be purchased over the counter at the Grand Center Ticket Office for $8.50 each. The Grand Center Ticket Office is open Monday through Fridav from 10a.m. t o 6 p . m .
Opus sponsors poet Charles Smith to read 'Red Rose' HOPE - Award winning poet Charlie Smith will read from his works on Wednesday, April 12 at 7 p.m. in the gallery of the DePree Art Center at Hope College
S m i t h , w h o g r e w up in Georgia, graduated from Phillips Exeter Academy, Duke University, and the University of Iowa MFA Writing Program. He^ has also won a James Michener Grant and the 1983 Aga Khan FicThe reading, sponsored by the tion P r i z e for his n o v e l l a Great Lakes Colleges Assoca- " C r y s t a l R i v e r , " and h a s tion; Opus, Hope College's published the novel, "Canaan." literary magazine; and the His poems have appeared in The Department of English, is free American Poetry Review, The and open to the public. Georgia Review, Field, Southern Poetry Review, Grazyhorse, Tendril, Sonora Review, and Smith, selected by Stanley Kunitz for the 1987 National Black Warrior Review, where he Poetry Series, is the 1988 winner won its poetry prize. of the Great Lakes Colleges Association award for poetry. Writer Barry Hannah has callHis winning v o l u m e , "Red ed Smith 44one of the new silver Roads," in the words of Kunitz, bullets of writers from the "sweeps over the American land- South" and Pulitzer Prize winnscape out of his deep South ing poet Mary Oliver has written, origin. He is in love with "his essential subject is love language and places, heart's sometimes blissful, sometimes mysteries, and the invitation of wounding, but always civilizroads." ing."
Page 6
April 5,1989
Northuis, an '82 Hope grad, comes back to coach men's track team by Scott A. Kaukonen anchor staff writer
his graduation from Hope. He left Texas to pursue his m a s t e r ' s at Michigan. He began his Ph.D. When Hope College r u n n e r s work at West Virginia and consay " C o a c h " this year, they a r e tinued at the University of Minreferring to new faces for the nesota before he c a m e to Hope first time in a long time. After 17 The pursuit of the Ph.D. " s e e m s seasons, Bill Vanderbilt is no to go on forever." according to longer the cross country coach Northuis, but he plans to take a and a f t e r 32 y e a r s , Gordon leave of absence in a couple of Brewer is no longer the m e n ' s years to finish up head track coach. Northuis plans on being around Mike Northuis, a 1982 Hope the Hope scene for a long time to grad, has assumed the roles of c o m e . ' ' E v e r s i n c e m y head cross country and men s sophomore year of college...! track coach while Donna Eaton knew this is where I wanted to has acquired the women's head be." track coach position, replacing When Northuis looks back to longtime Hope Coach, Russ the spring of 1982 when he was DeVette. running for Hope, he notices a Northuis, in his first y e a r at couple of changes. P e r h a p s the Hope as an Assistant Professor most significant difference is a in t h e P h y s i c a l E d u c a t i o n sign of the times. " T h e r e ' s more department, has brought his ex- pressure on the student to do well perience in exercise physiology with the competition in the job to the track. Making use of market. It has become tougher to Hope's laboratory facilities, Nor- excel. It creates more time needthuis carefully monitors his run- ed for classes." A symptom of ners' conditions through testing this is the number of people missto design the workouts around ing practices for class. their needs. The heart r a t e has Northuis has had the unique become as important as the o p p o r t u n i t y of c o a c h i n g his quarter-mile split in practice. bother, Mike, a senior, in Coach For Northuis, it is an obvious Mark s first year here. Coach application of his field. Working Mark had been away at school this kind of program is possible and such since Mike's f r e s h m a n with college-quality runners as year of high school and has enopposed to the high school level, joyed seeing and coaching Mike. Since cross country and track where Northuis has some experience. He coached in Texas a r e sports which rarely depend while he taught there following on a coach's decision of the type
B I L L MEENGS
*
A violated spirit
y I IN THE CREASE So far this year, my predictions on sporting events have been far from correct. I took the A's in the World Series and the Bengals in the Super Bowl. I said Jim McMahon would be traded and that the Lions would pick up Lorenzo White. None of these predictions have come to pass, but at least I could say I got the America's Cup prediction right. Wrong. Last Thursday, a New York judge declared that the San Diego Yacht Club had 4 4 viola ted the spirit" of the Cup's deed of gift (the document that governs the competition for the gold m u g ) by d e f e n d i n g in a catamaran, and that the Cup was
thus forfeited to New Zealand. My personal feelings on the situation a r e that this is all a plot so that I won't get any predictions right this ye a r . Unfortunately for them, I've already got m a n y predictions correct (I'll get to those later), but I a m bothered by the "violated the spirit" phrase. What this actually m e a n s is that the boat was legal according t'. the deed of gift (that was Jetermined in an earlier court c a s e last J u l y ) , but that the judge didn't think it was fair, so she gave the Cup to New Zealand. In honor of this monumental goof-up, I have composed a se-
that could cause accusations of favoritism (ex. a basektball starting line-up), there have been none of the p r o b l e m s t h a t sometimes affect coaching relations when kin a r e involved. "Besides, we've always gotten along." observes Mark. What does Northuis think is the best aspect of coaching? "Winning," he says with a laugh. 4 I'm still getting used to the recruiting aspect. Seeing the fulfillment of practice. Seeing it work at the m e e t . " However, coaching does have its drawbacks It costs a great deal of time away from his wife, Pam Bulthouse, a 1981 Hope grad, and their daughters, Michaela and Elizabeth. " I ' m gone from 6:30 in the morning to 6:30 at night. Plus there's the meets." Northuis still m a n a g e s to squeeze in 70 miles per week of his own running - much of it with the team. He has returned to running early morning workouts to provide incentive to his runners. Northuis was a standout runner while a student at Hope. He won the 1980 MIAA Cross Country meet and finished in the top 5 in each of his 4 league meets. His junior and senior years, he missed All-American honors by just two places, finishing 27 both y e a r s at Nationals. In track, Northuis won the 5,000 meter run at the 1980 MIAA Field Day, and still holds Hope quel to "Ode to a Kiwi." I call this "Ode to a Kiwi '89 " "Ode to a Kiwi '89" After much legal, and heated debate. They raced for the Cup in 1988. The Kiwis raced in a huge monohull, To w h i c h D e n n i s C o n n e r replied 4 'This is bull. "These huge monohulls a r e not where it's at, I'll outsmart the Kiwis and r a c e in a Cat." The Kiwis cried foul, and took it to court. But the judge said, " I t ' s legal, send both boats to p o r t . " So the r a c e s were held, they were both Conner routs. All New Zealand could do was sit back and pout. The Kiwis were crushed, but vowed they'd appeal. Dennis just laughed and celebrated with zeal. " O u r boat has already been found to obey the Cup's law. "Those sour g r a p e s Kiwis a r e just flapping their j a w . " But the judge changed her mind, and took the Cup f r o m the States. Sending it packing to New Zealand in crates. So, pending appeal, the next r a c e should be fun. It's to be held in New Zealand in 1991. Dennis is ticked, atid has vow-
New head track coach Mark Northuis gives instructions to three men's track team members. r e c o r d s in t h e 3,000 m e t e r steeplechase and the 6-mile run. Northuis hopes to return Hope lo •bt, power they were not too long ago. He hopes to take the cross country p r o g r a m back to the level of national power. A good recruiting y e a r m a k e s next year a possibility for the women. He hopes to put the track t e a m s back at the top of the MIAA - but "I'll need cooperation from other coaches There a r e a lot of fast sprinters walking around this campus." For this spring, Northuis sees
Hope battling Albion for second in the MIAA. Calvin e m e r g e s as a clear favorite. When Northuis isn't coaching, running, teaching or at home, he can be found participating in the activities of the North Holland Reformed Church where he and his wife a r e m e m b e r s . Or check his favorite fishing hole. But odds a r e he'll be somewhere around the Dow, charting heart rates, oxygen intake capacities and designing workout plans. And, if things go right, he will be taking the Dutchmen back to the top.
ed to get even. He's done it before, back in 1987 Dennis has claimed that the Kiwis are jerks. And he'll beat them by using his brain and h a r d work. But he'd better play s m a r t , or in a courtroom he'll sit. And find out he lost by "violating the s p i r i t ! " This decision is not right, and should be reversed. What kind of s t a t e m e n t is " v i o l a t e d t h e s p i r i t , " a n y w a y ? E i t h e r the boat's legal or it isn't. And since it had been determined last July to be legal, there shouldn't have been a case. I don't know what
this is going to m e a n in the future, but I think w e ' r e going to see more than the Cup's spirit being violated. What do you think? Will Dennis be able to a r m a 12-meter sailboat? The last time I checked, you couldn't do that, but since w e ' r e d e t e r m i n i n g rules by their 4 'spirit" and not what they actually say, it just might be legal. By the way, the predictions that I got right a r e Bob P r o b e r t will be playing in the prison league, and that the Red Wings would have no trouble with him during the final stretch, and they haven't. See you next week - In the Crease
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Page 7
Men's track team returns 20 letterwinners HOPE - Hope College enters a new era in men s track this spring as Mark Northuis begins his first season at the helm of the Flying Dutchmen He succeeds Gordon Brewer who guided the Hope track fortunes for 32 y e a r s until his retirement last spring. Northuis, a track and cross country standout during his collegiate days at Hope, also heads the men s and women's cross country p r o g r a m s . The outdoor season begins April 1 with a non-league quandragular meet at Southwestern Michigan Community College in Dowagiac. Also competing will be Valparaiso University and F e r r i s State University. The MIAA dual meet season begins April Sat Adrian. The Flying Dutchmen have a large pre season roster that includes 20 returning lettermen from a squad that finished a solid thin* ".n the MIAA standinr.> a
year ago Graduated is NCAA All-American Todd Rose who was runnerup in the decathlon at the Division III nationals last spring and league champion in the javelin. Hope has finished third in the MIAA standings the past two y e a r s a f t e r winning the league title in 1985 and 1986. Hope returns a solid core of sprinters, led by junior Mark T r a v i s of N o r w e l l , M a s s . , s o p h o m o r e J e f f B r o w n of Muskegon, senior captain Hans Hiemstra of North Greenbush. N Y , senior Dave Michael of Big Rapids, and senior Jon Weston of Grand Rapids. There is also a good nucleus of runners to build the middle distance and distance events. Returning letterwinners include senior David Cooper of Wynantskill, N Y., sophomore Bruce Fletter of Grand Rapdis. junior Don Kent of Lodi, N Y., senior K'nqm.? of Grand Papids.
senior Mike Northuis of Grand Haven, sophomore Billy Roberts of St. Johnsbury. Vt., junior Dal Townsend of Clayton, and junior Kurt Van Appledorn of Holland Sophomore J R. Schoon of Fremont will lead the high hurdle contingent. In the field events. Hope should be strong in the pole vault with the return of v e t e r a n s Ken Kimes. a sophomore from Scottville; Steve Moore; a junior from Midland; Tim Ritsema, a junior from Holland; and Wes Wooley, a senior from Coloma Ritsema and Kimes were second and third respectively in the pole vault at MIAA Field Day. Senior Jon Riekse of Grand Rapids was fifth in the triple j u m p at MIAA Field Day. Hope will have just two home dual meets this season. One will be against defending league champion Calvin on April 22. The 98th annual MIAA Field Day will be held May 4-5 at A Ima College
Women to defend MIAA championship HOLLAND - Outstanding performances in indoor competition give rise for optimism for the outdoor women's track season as Hope College defends its MIAA championship. The Flying Dutch a r e under first-year coach Donna Eaton who also guides Hope's successful volleyball p r o g r a m She succeeds Russ DeVette, longtime m e m b e r of the Hope staff who retired last spring. DeVette has returned this spring to assist in coaching the field events. Last spring the Flying Dutch won the MIAA Field Day to gain a s h a r e of the seasonal league crown with Alma College. Hope has been MIAA women's track champion three times during the 80s. The MIAA Field Day has come down to the wire each of the last two years. In 1987 Alma won the Field Day crown edging Hope by two points while in 1988 Hope claimed the title by tipping Alma by 2 and one-third points. This y e a r ' s large p r e s e a s o n roster includes 18 returning letterwinners. During March indoor competition, Hope finished ahead of all other MIAA e n t r a n t s . Senior captain Mary Busscher of Hamilton, last y e a r ' s most valuable perf o r m e r in the MIAA, has already qualified for a return trip to the NCAA Division III national championships in the shotput. Last year she finished 10th in the nation in the shotput and was 23rd in the discus. Also qualifying for nationals as a result of outstanding indoor performances is senior distance standout Tauna J e c m e n of Jenison who will be competing in the 5,000 meter run. Jecmen was the MIAA champion in the 3,000 and 5,000 meter events last spr-
ing and the league s fall cross country champion the past two years. Last y e a r she established the MIAA record in the 5,000 meter run. Junior Lynn Kingma of Grandville is the MIAA record holder in the 800-meter run. She holds the Hope record in both the 800 and 1.500 m e t e r runs. Among other returning veterans expected to be m a j o r contributors a r e junior Julie Darling of Sodus, N Y. and senior Amy McQuillan of Saginaw. Darling was sidelined for most of 1988 with an i n j u r y . As a f r e s h m a n she was the MIAA champion in the 400-meter run and the 400-meter hurdles and went on to earn NCAA Divsion III All-America status as she finished sixth at nationals in the hurdle event. McQuillan was the 1986 MIAA in the 100-meter high hurdles. All four m e m b e r s of last y e a r ' s school record 1,600-meter relay team returns. Members of the team were Abby VanDuyne. a sophomore f r o m Flint; Amy Strieker, a senior from Arvan, Colo.,; Darling and Kingma. Adding to the t e a m ' s depth in the middle distance and distance e v e n t s will be s o p h o m o r e Michelle Bruskotter of Grandville and junior Sandra Kubala of Naperville, III. Each performed well in indoor competition. Among the leading sprinters a r e B a r b a r a Boss, a sophomore from Charlevoix; Michelle Brown, a f r e s h m a n from Barrington. III.; x Amy B?jttrey, a f r e s h m a n f r o m Arden Hills, Minn. ; and Kirsten Van Zanten, a sophomore from Woodlands, Tex. Veterans returning in the field events include sophomore Robin Schout of Zeeland who had the
t e a m ' s best 1988 p e r f o r ma n c e s in the long j u m p and triple j u m p and junior Anna Marie P o s t m u s of Grand Rapids who had the t e a m ' s best javelin throw. The Flying Dutch will compete in two individual meets in addition to a c o m p l e t e MIAA schedule, highlighted by the Field Day at Alma College on May 4-5.
Women's softball lost both games of a doubleheader against Ferris last Thursday. Britt Lindfors (background) leans toward third base.
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' Page 8 CL i,L uL
April 5,1989
Student Congress Officer Elections
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Hope students, faculty and staff sat in awe last Saturday as No One came and No
Jacobsons' house bombed
will be repeated soon. Watch for other podiums in future issues of the ranehor. photo by Jon ("one f ) Hofman
CeMerfold included in this issue!
The Brady Bunch
Page 10
Noise Explosion levels President's house!!! by Rick Renwick ranehor Staff Writer A powerful explosion leveled the President's house yesterday and killed two squirrels who were digging up nuts nearby. It, however, did not kill President and Mrs. Jacobson who were attending a Board of Trustees dinner at that time "Well, 1 never though I'd say this," Jacobson remarked at a press conference held yesterday evening. "But that was one Board function I'm glad 1 didn't m i s s . " In a letter sent to the Holland Sentinel yesterday, the People's U n i o n to K i l l E v e r y b o d y (PUKE) - a revolutionary Iranian group - claimed responsibility. the letter said the bombing was carried out in response to Khomeini's decree to kill Salman Rushdie, author of the controversial book "The Satanic Verses " "Through this bombing we will eliminate the blasphemous Rushdie, who has been staying with Jacobson for nearly two months," the letter said. When questioned about the validity of this claim, Jacobson refused to comment. However, facts about he case began to leak as soon as local law enforcement and the FBI began their investigations last night. Apparently, Rushdie was moved to the Hope Campus a f t e r an intensive search by Scotland Yard for the most apathetic minority-free spot in America "We felt that Hope College would be the perfect place to hide Rushdie," Lt. John O'Malley of Scotland Yard said "We knew
that the students wouldn't notice anything going on and we were relatively sure that the Iranians would never suspect of the Dutch of harboring him " Jacobson has long been a fan of Rushdie's literature, having read Rushdie's first novel. " G r i m u s : Midnight's Children." and currently using Rushdie's third book " J a g u a r S m i l e " as b e d t i m e reading. When Scotland Yard contacted him with the proposal, Jacobson felt the only proper thing to do would be to accept. "After all," Jacobson said, when questioned by the FBI, "to turn Rushdie down would be to acknowledge the power of Khomeini's death t h r e a t . " Rushdie moved in with the Jacobsons in early F e b r u a r y and enrolled in s e v e r a l religion courses. " H e was interested in getting on with his c a r e e r , " Jacobson said, " a n d since he'd already insulted Islam he was planing to try something new. like Christianity." The relocation had appeared to be successful until the house exploded yesterday. After sifting through the wreckage for three hours, bomb experts believe they have located the source of the explosion. " F r o m residue on pieces of paper found at the site, we believe the bomb was disguised as a " R e a d e r ' s Digest condensed Book" team leader John VanBoom explained The book w a s likely delivered in the daily mail and carried into the house by the unsuspecting Jacobsons. Rushdie, who was the ultimate target of the bombing, has not
The spacious and lovely home of Jeanne and President Jacohson was destroyed yesterday by an explosion. The explosion killed two squirrels, but no humans. been seen since the incident However, Scotland Yard says that he was not in the house at the time, a claim corroborated by several students who were with a man fitting Rushdie's descrip tion at Arthurs,a local establishment p o p u l a r with college students. Scotland Yard refused to comment upon their plans saying only that if he is alive, Rushdie will be moved to another location.
Frater bludgeons SAC film committee members by Axl Rose ranehor staff writer The F r a t e r n a l Society anxiously awaits the decision of the Greek Judicial Board to be announced tomorrow The verdict will d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a m e m b e r of the Society was justified in the bludgeoning of two SAC F i l m s C o m m i t t e e members with a hockey stick early Friday evening. If the decision goes against the F r a t e r s , they could be suspended for the Fall semester, and face charges of harboring a known felon with a hockey stick in his possession. The F r a t e r on trial, whose name has been withheld, commented that "those SAC chicks are like mosquitoes. Always buzzing around where they don't belong. I had my hockey stick
there, since we were having a pledging event (I always take it to pledging events), so I just brained them one when they
didn't leave the building. They were just girls, so one swing and they were lunchmeat." "They were only 100 yards a w a y from the room; we couldn't risk them seeing our secret handshake." said another F r a t e r . "They could've given all our secrets away to the Cosmos or the Cents. Then where would we be? You let independents h a v e an inch, and they'll take a mile. F r a t e r s rule. Independents need to remember t h a t . " Steve Spielberg, chairman of the F i l m s C o m m i t t e e , commented that 44it kind of put us a little behind schedule F r i d a y night, because I had to try to find someone else to work. Everyone else had m a d e plans for the evening." The outlook is hopeful for the Fraters. The committee m e m b e r s have been replaced and the deaths seem to h a v e caused no g r e a t inconvenience. The business office reported that both girls had a l r e a d y paid their
Students' reaction to the blast were mixed. Sphomore Dirk VanderVan's response was typical, "I walk past it (the president's house) every day on my way to class, this morning I kind of thought that something was different but I couldn't really put my finger on it "
students to donate money to a Kill Khomeini incentive fund " T h e money would go to the first person to dispatch Khomeini into the a f t e r l i f e , " Rover said The fund now totals $13.74 and dona tions m a y be m a d e at the Chaplain's Office
Red Rover, the spokespoi 'Âťn for the Hope College chapter of A n i m a l A n a r c h y is a s k i n g
A memorial service for thÂť squirrels has been scheduled during community hour Thurs day in D'mnpnt Chapel
Chapped lips healing nicely
Clinic treats student correctly by Flo Nightengale ranehor medical writer
The suspect in the bludgeoning case. tuition, so the college will not lose any money. Ray Gutknecht, head of Student Activities, said 44I see no reason why we can't just sweep the whole thing under the c a r p e t . P e r h a p s the F r a t e r in question a c t e d h a s t i l y , but e v e r y o n e makes m i s t a k e s . "
of the t r e a t m e n t process. First, Maxine was instructed to lie down on a sanitary exThe Hope College community amination table. Hoolihan then is reeling from the news that a used a solution of Noxzema and student has been treated correct- cold c r e a m to clear away Maxly by the Hope Health Clinic. ine's make-up from the diseased The female student, Maxine a r e a . Finally, with a team of Factor, went to the Health Clinic three other nurses, Hoolihan ap on Monday for t r e a t m e n t of plied two c o a t s of c h e r r y chapped lips. The medical report flavored chapstick to the pastates that Maxine had been hav- tient's lips. ing trouble applying her lipstick Maxine w a s even allowed to for approximately three days. keep the whole stick of chapstick. Said Maxine, 44I tried my "We usually just give them a favorite, T a h i t i a n Coral,' on Fri- small piece of the stick," said day and by 11:30 (that morning) Hoolihan, 44 but considering the it was gone. On Saturday my severity of the circumstances, 4 Radical Red' wouldn't fill in we voted to let her take the whole around the cracks, and by Sun- stick." day even my 4 Mary Kay Bubble Maxine is said to be resting Gum Gloss' w a s hopeless." comfortably in her room and has
Marge Hoolihan, the chief boss been excused from her classes and head honcho over at the for three days in accordance with Health Clinic, was put in charge college policy.
Canada purchases United States
Distrustees double tuition by L a r r y Flynt ranehor editor In an unprecedented decision, t h e Hope College B o a r d of Distrustees has voted to r a i s e Hope's tuition to$25,000 per y e a r . According to Hope President John Jacobson, the move was initiated for a variety of reasons. "A tuition increase of this sort m e a n s a lot to all the people who live and work at Hope," Jacobson said. "Besides, it'll be fun to watch students s q u i r m . " Jacobson stated that a large percent a g e of the increase would go to Hope's professors, so that they would finally be able to buy food andclothing. Vice President for Admissions J a m e s Bekkering, however, was not nearly as optimistic. 44It
m a k e s my job just a bit h a r d e r , " he said, "but I think the i n c r e a s e is w a r r a n t e d . " Bekkering noted that students should still be able to afford Hope 4 4if they just watch their pennies and quit buying so much pizza and b e e r . " On a r e l a t e d n o t e . H e a d Residents at several of the d o r m s have informed the administration that they a r e "going condo." Rooms in Phelps and Durfee, it is rumored, will sell for $60-80,000. P r e m i u m prices will, of course, be charged for students who wish a view of the Phelps Cafeteria roof or of the Columbia Avenue dumpsters. The m e a s u r e s , according to newly-named director of housing Donald Trump, will go into effect in the spring of 1990.
Administration slates Pine Garage project by Connie Chung ranehor News Editor
In response to student and faculty complaints about the extremely limited parking around c a m p u s , the Hope College Committee on Construction on a tenstory parking s t r u c t u r e in the P i n e Grove - the Pine G a r a g e . The Plans call for the flattening of the Pine Grove and the removal of most of the trees, with the exception of the one at the junction between the President's house and Durfee Hall. Holland environmentalists a r e already protesting the forced m a s s migration of literally hund r e d s of black squirrels who will be brutally driven from their happy homes. The Hope Maintenance D e p a r t m e n t has expressed an interest in "observing" the event. In addition, the Hope Biology d e p a r t m e n t plans to set up a field research station to study the migration of the Pine Grove squirrel population. They commented that they had no idea that so many live black squirrels (rodentia dutchus) actually inhabited the Pine Grove. Although plans a r e not finalized, the committee has a general idea a s to what the building will look like. Farley VanderLawn, spokesman for the committee, said 4 , we hope to build the Pine G a r a g e in h a r m o n i o u s congruence with the rest of the campus buildings." VanderLawn admitted they want to cover the entire s t r u c t u r e with one-way mirrors, " t o reflect the surrounding landscape and buildings. " Since the Pine Grove is completely surrounded by buildings, architect Sue MeLater noted that 44 we spent long hours in finding a good way to surmount the a c c e s s
by David Letterman ranehor staff writer
problem, until we finally landed on t h e p e r f e c t s o l u t i o n . " MeLater said that they will remove the back wall of President Jacobson s g a r a g e and link it to the Pine G a r a g e with a covered r a m p . In this way, students can benefit f r o m the president's circular driveway. Furthermore, students with c a r s will each have electric g a r a g e door openers to allow easy access at all hours of the day and night. Jacobson has not been available for comment on this issue. The centralized location of the Pine G a r a g e has been favorably received by students and faculty alike. Only a few problems a r e holding up immediate construction. First, no one can decide where to relocate the emergency phone on the eastern edge of the Pine Grove. Possible options being considered include moving it to Knickerbocker cottage or perhaps to Phelps Hall. One other problem also pertains to safety. The administration has pointed out the danger of birds and students smashing into the Pine G a r a g e because of its mirrored structure. The Hope Frisbee Golf Association has also â&#x20AC;˘ raised similar concerns. As a result, the planners have decided to apply flourescent orange anchor stickers to the exterior of the building, to prevent accidents. Funding for this massive project will be drawn in part from c o l l e c t e d p a r k i n g f i n e s . In general, the Hope College comm u n i t y h a s e x p r e s s e d unparalleled excitement over the construction of the Pine G a r a g e . As one student put it, "this is m u c h m o r e i m p o r t a n t to academic life than the construction of the Van W y l e n . :
Morale girls cheer on the 1990 pullers as they struggle to drag the sundial to the Pine Grove.
Pullers move sundial Hope's l a t e s t multi-million dollar project will be the relocation of the sundial located n e a r the northwest corner of Graves Hall. . The decision was m a d e to reposition the sundial when it was discovered by a humanities m a j o r that in its present position, it is in the s h a d e for eight hours each day. "It was e m b a r a s s i n g that none of the science m a j o r s noticed this," said Apollo VanSteroid, head of the c o m m i t t e e to move the sundial into the sun. The sundial w a s uprooted yesterday morning with a little help from the 1990 Pull team, a s morale girls cheered them on. It will be moved to the Pine Grove a f t e r all the trees a r e chopped down. Dr. Takeshita, of the Engineering department, has been assign-
ed the difficult task of recalibrating the sundial to the correct time. Takeshita w a s asked to comment on this procedure, but disappeared before he had the chance to reply. It is expected that the recent time change (Spring forward, fall back) will m a k e it doubly difficult to a d j u s t the sundial. "Never f e a r , " commented VanSteroid, 4 'he'll show up the day we place it with all the proper d i a g r a m s and schematics in hand." April 19th has been declared "Grand Sundial D a y " in honor of the event, and classes will not be in session. Dinner will be a pig roast on the lawn of the president's house. E n t e r t a i n m e n t will be a G r e e k toga p a r t y to celebrate this ancient way of telling time. " I t ' s an a r t f o r m , " said VanSteroid.
Dr. Shin Takeshita calculates the new location of the sundial.
In a bold attempt to block the hostile takeover of their nation. Canada today announced that they had become the majority stockholder of the United States. Canada took the action a f t e r reading reports of a possible U.S. buyout of Canada in the Hope College newspaper. The anchor. Canadian P r i m e Minister Brian Mulroney said that since the U.S. had already bought Wayne Gretzky, and also controlled Mario Lemieux, Steve Yzerman, and Guy LeFleur, "it seemed that their (the U.S.) intentions were pretty clear. We felt that we had to protect our national interests, as well as our hockey resources. So we decided to take drastic action." The ranehor has learned that Canada bought the stock f r o m former majority holder Ayatollah Khomeini, who had recently used his power to get Salman Rushdie's book. The Satanic Verses, pulled from the shelves of American bookstores. It was learned that the cost to C a n a d a w a s $15 million in American currency. Curiously, the chief financier for the Canadian government was one P e t e r Pocklington, owner of the Edmonton Oiler hockey club. This is a significant fact, since $15 million is exactly the price that the U.S. paid to Pocklington in order to get Gretzky last August. Pocklington hinted that Canada had been debating the idea of a U.S. purchase for some time now. "We didn't like the idea that all of our best hockey players were playing for U.S. teams. It just didn't seem right. We felt that we were the hockey capital of the world, so we decided to do something to get our players b a c k , " Pocklington said. Apparently, the Gretzky deal was all part of this plan, but the Canadians say they didn't think they'd have to pay the s a m e amount that Gretzky went for since they were expecting to make a profit. "After all," said Prime Minister Mulroney, "Wayne's the greatest player ever, and what's the U.S.? Just some country with a bunch of missiles and a trillion-dollar deficit. I guess m a y b e now they'll listen to us when we complain about acid r a i n . " Because of^the action. President Bush and Vice President Quayle were left without jobs. President Bush issued the statement t h a t 4 4 this is all p a r t of the thousand points of light, and I'm going to work to m a k e the U.S. a kinder, gentler C a n a d a . "
Page 20
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Arthur's Twelfth Reformed Church and Watering Hole caters to all types of students by Reverend J i m ranehor Religion Editor Part 46: Holland Churches Arthurs 12th Reformed Church and Watering Hole As we wind down our look at Holland area churches, we finally get to the darkest, loudest and most spiritual church around. Arthurs 12th Reformed Church and Eatery is the biggest draw of Hope Students And for good reason. Arthurs, as it is affectionally known, is a college student's kind of church. It's within walking distance, but more importantly the campus is within staggering distance. The services are designed with the college worshipers in mind. Services are held on Saturday nights since most college students study at night, it has been found that they like to worship at night as well. Instead of having a short hour service, the service extends from noon to 3 a.m. on Saturday night. Arthurs has found that people prefer to have plenty of selection about when to go for their spiritual life. The biggest crowds are found between 9 and 1 am when people come for the loving atmosphere. In the communion spirit the wine is served all the time. And since many people have bigger
sins than wine can take c a r e of mixed drinks are often substituted The big favorite though is the beer pitchers. These a r e used by the less affluent worshipers for dousing their sins as well as creating a few new ones V h i c h then requires renewed consumption Many worshipers have com mented that they like Arthurs because of the sense of communityCarol and Mike Brady com mented on why they attend Arthurs 12th Reformed Church and Watering Hole, "We like to gather with a group of people who will like us for us and who don't expect us to be rich or even exciting people " " T h a t ' s right," agreed Elder Diane Chambers, " E v e r y o n e is accepted here. You don't even need a Master Card like you do at Schuller's Crystal Cathedral. We're more casual then most other churches." Spiritual music is the centerpiece at Arthurs. The Gospel Pentant supplies the mellow sounds of the funky jazz for worshipers to c o m m u n e with. So if you're looking for a church where you can combine your parents religion with your own brand then and still sleep in on Sunday, then Arthurs 12th Reformed Church and Watering Hole is for you.
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Specializing in: --keg beer --pop larts -sardines -steroid gum -condoms (orange & blue) -non-prescription drugs
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The only party store in town serving the entire college community.
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The Ranehor would like to wish past, passed-out editor Brian Breen a happy 22nd birthday with fond memories of last year. (Told ya we'd print it, Brian!) (ranehor phile photo)
Tom Renner, proprietor
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Page 25
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Editorial Grab-bag Students
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Letters to the
should buy motor homes
With the imposing end of the school year, college officials are scrambling to fill cottages, apartments and dorms with students. Once again, the number of students allowed to attend this fine university superceeds the number of rooms made available. As a newspaper serving the needs of its students, the anchor feels that it is time the administration be open to steps to solve this problem. We suggest that the students of Hope College bring their m o m m y and daddy's motor home back to school with them in the fall. After all, mom and dad don't use the thing in the winter anyway. For the price of a year-long parking sticker ($40), students could have their very own a p a r t m e n t . These motor homes could be parked in campus lots, and public safety, in line with their passionate desire to check up on vehicles, could be responsible for the sewage, electrical and water maintenance of the motor homes. Should some students' parents not own a motor home, one can be bought for a price considerably less than what the college charges for four years of housing. The ranehor suggests Bluebird Wanderlodge models, which have been endorsed by Paul Harvey. Good Day!
Show
skin,
boycott
cleavage
We at the ranehor are outraged at the recent notion that "cleavage is in, but skin is out." In the first place, everybody has skin and it seems impossible not to show it. This price of fashion is just too high! What would happen to the bikini? What would Sports Illustrated do in February? What would the Delphis dp in Florida? In the second place, there are obvious members of the world population who do not have cleavage. Why should males need plastic surgery to be participate in the main fashion track of society? And what about all of the less-endowed women of the world? Must they go the route of silicone implants and Jessica Hahn in bending to the whims of fashion designers? A boycott of strapless dresses, bandeau tops, and Samantha Fox posters is immediately in order on the cleavage issue. Also, on the skin issue, pornographic magazines, cut-off shorts, and thong underwear should be endorsed. It's about time that the men of this world unite with the flat women on this illogical and unfair issue!
Food service
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praised
The ranehor believes some praise is in order for the Seiler Food Service Unbeknownst to most of the Hope College community, the food service has discovered a new type of fixative which will defy gravity. The fixative is currently being used in limited quantities on mashed potatoes, jell-o, and different flavors of puddings. Students have praised this new chemical bonder, saying that it has made food fights easier. According to some, foods do not have to be flung off of spoons, but entire sets of dishware can be launched at unsuspecting fools from across the cafeteria. The ranehor approves of Seiler's foray into new areas of food technology and hopes such endeavors in the future will be funded by the college and even outside sources.
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head honcho Thank ewe sew much! Deer editor. Lately. Eye half ben halfing trouble with my synanyms and hommanyms. Aye always seam two substitute won word four another This was a grate problem four me inn my daily life, four it seamed to hinder my social and academic life. Butt won day, eye came across anne issue of yours, and aye red the column "On the rite trak," and let me tell ewe, it changed my life. Now, although eye sumtimes make misteaks, know longer am aye ashamed of them. Sew eye want too thank ewe four running that grate column and changing the whey eye sea life. Greatfully, Bill Reynolds, English perfesser
Student commends winter construction Dear Editor, I would like to commend the administration of Hope College yet another time. It seems to be the trend in administrative decisions to make the most practical and economical choice. A perfect example of this is the wintertime construction on Hope's campus. Not only has the most recent Van Zoeren construction been undertaken this past winter, but in the last several years, the Van Wylen Library has been built in the winter, and also the Admissions Office Building. These winter contracts are obviously practical: given that the workers work fast enough to keep warm, the end product should be finished in much less
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In order to reduce parking problems, the administration has announced that students must turn in their cars for bicycles this Friday in DeWitt. Bike licenses will be available at that time for $175. time than at a normal pace. Also, since summertime male construction workers usually work shirtless, having construction done during the snow season saves the students at Hope from being distracted. This is also saving the workers from possibly dangerous, cancer-causing rays from the sun. Finally, since the rest of the normal world contracts con-' struction companies for outd work in the summertime, it i probably cheaper to hire them in the winter. I feel that Hope's Administration should be commended once again for their ingenuity. Name and address withheld request.
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What did you think of the'Voice'concert earlier this week?
/ Paul Chamness, Drums and Belching "It was way cool. Holding it at the Knickerbocker theatre was, like, the ultimate."
Charlie Hoats, Lack-of-rhythm guitar 44
i w a s upset. They didn't play any Bon Jovi."
Beyond Grope:
Joel Tanis, Lead Vocals
Jovo Filipovich, Synthesizers
"I personally didn't care for it It was too musical."
"I was really too far gone to even know where I was, man. Why don't you ask someone else?"
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"Well, I don't really care for progressive miiMC, but I guess it was okay. Their lead singer looks too m u c h like the m a y o r , though."
Meijer bulk food HOPE
It's the ideal aisle for students The Meijer's Bulk Food section is any college student's delight. The store, which is open 24-hours a day, is on the corner of Waverly and 16th Street and is surrounded by a pleasingly uncluttered slab of asphalt. The Bulk Food section, located conveniently near the heathen beverage racks, is the second place that the typical Hope grocery shopper stops at when going on a food run. It is helpful to note beforehand that the dress code in Meijer's is casual and no reservations are needed. The variety that the Bulk Food section provides is incredible. Everything from gummi bears to pet food is available. As the establishment is strictly selfserve, patrons may order precisely the amount they need. When visiting late at night, one is also given the opportunity to taste-test the product before purchasing. Meijer's provides 100-percent plastic bags and cheap twist-ties in which to package the cuisine, as well as on the spot cost analysis to aid students who are strapped for funds. Thus, in the event that one's eyes are bigger than one's wallet, the food may be returned to the proper container when the attendant's back is turned.
Chad Dykema,
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You know where to go when you wanna fry!
limit the charm and appeal of everyone. If one drives a car this establishment are the lack of that cost more than ten thousand seating as well the lack of proper dollars, carries a Gucci handbag, eating utensils. Not only does the or can tell the difference between management expect one to grasp Eagle brand Honey Roasted tortilla chips with large tongs Peanuts and the generic kind, (which invariably turn them into they should probably order their tortilla crumbs), but the lack of food elsewhere. If one is trying gloves is also a shortcoming en- to make their trip to Meijer's dured by who wish to pick only look like more than a heathenthe lemon and lime Fruit Gems liquid run, then a visit to the Bulk or Gummi Rats from the wide Food section is definitely a must. assortment available. r In closing, it should be said that Meijer's Bulk Food section is not the establishment for
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Men's basketball team fails drug tests by B Woodward ranehor investigative reporter
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Basketball manager Mike Perkins is the alleged supplier of steroid-laced bubble gum to the Hope men's basketball team.
The Hope College athletic com munity is reeling in shock follow ing the revelation that several m e m b e r s of the men's basketball team have failed drug tests. The tests had been administered last month following the Dutchmen loss to Allegheny (PA) in the NCAA Division III tournament The tests have been a routine part of NCAA sports at the championship levels for the past several years. The test failures evidently a r e merely a part of the entire story it was also revealed at a press c o n f e r e n c e in t h e M a a s Auditorium on Monday that the Dutchmen had been under investigation by the NCAA and the MIAA for alleged steroid use for several months The results of the investigation were merely confirmed by the drug tests. According to sources, who requested anonyminity, several members of the team had been using a steroid known by such street names as "Bubble Y u m , " "Big Red," and "Bazooka " The drug comes in innocent chewinggum form, but is, instead, a designer steroid intended to quickly build muscle bulk in those who use it. Though the technology for the development of such drugs has existed for years, only recently has it come to be used for such purposes. Elliot Ness, head of the NCAA Drug Task Force, had evidently
been paying close attention to the Dutchmen following reports in The anchor of increased bubblegum chewing among Hope ball players "At first 1 chuckled at this seemingly innocent behavior -- a throw back to the days before the 45-second shot clock and the three-pointer But as I viewed late-night reruns of Dutchmen games on ESPN. 1 noticed a substantial increase in muscle development -- corresponding with an increase in the number of bubbles being popped It seemed a l m o s t t o o o b v i o u s in retrospect." Reactions around campus have ranged from shock to anger to outright indifference Coach Glenn VanWieren, rumored to be heading to the University of Michigan, would only say that he ran "a clean program and . was not named in any of the allegations." Athletic Director Ray Smith was in consultation much of the weekend with his good friends John Wooden - from Smith's UCLA days -- and Bobby Knight. Rumors a r e that one or the other will be asked to rebuild the d e v a s t a t e d p r o g r a m if VanWieren leaves. Dow employee Phil Jones could neither confirm nor deny these reports. Hope President John Jacobson only smiled and spoke of his pride in the emphasis at Hope upon academics and the success of Hope's annual alumni fundraising drive. He also reassured
the now penniless, middle-class students that the tuition increase was, again, necessary and he regretted that many would be unable to return next y e a r Van Vleck Hall ignored the reports for the most part "We don't date basketball players a n y w a y . " one r e s i d e n t was reported to have said Members of the Delta Phi soroity seem to be taking the reports in stride as well; m a k e - u p c o n s u m p t i o n levels, as well as atmosphericpoisoning levels, have remained near normal. The players implicated in the investigation include sophomore Eric Elliot and freshmen Colly Carlson and Bart VerHulst. When asked about it. Elliot only smiled. Carlson had no comment and VerHulst m u r m u r e d something about "...the fifth." It is uncertain if the reference was to the amendment or an alcoholic beverage. Senior Tom Livingston expressed disappointment with the youth of today - noting that those caught were two f r e s h m e n and a sophomore "1 can't believe they got caught. The upperclassmen told them to keep their gum in their mouths. But did they listen? No! They had to go and blow bubbles right there in front of Warren ( R e y n o l d s ) , Glen (Ecklecamp) and the rest of the WOTV viewing audience." Calvin junior and basketball star. Dan Davis could only grin and say, "I knew that was a pagan school over t h e r e . "
VanderKolk turning pro, heading for Timberwolves by J o e Falls-Down ranehor sports editor In the wake of the recent steroid-gum controversy, Hope College junior center Bruce VanderKolk has announced plans that he will forego his senior season in order to play for the NBA expansion team, the Minnesota Timberwolves. Though VanderKolk denies using the s t e r o i d - l a c e d gum himself, it is believed that he was the team's supplier. VanderKolk is also suspected of providing the gum to members of other Hope teams. Because of this, it was expected that VanderKolk would be ineligible for next year's NCAA season. The Timberwolves, who begin playing next season, have made it known that they were looking for a Rick Mahorn, Charles Barkley, or Karl "The Mailman" Malone-type player. They believe that with a couple of years, VanderKolk will be that
player. Minnesota General Manager Tyrone Shoelaces said tha' VanderKolk's extracurricular activities would be no problem for the t e a m since steroid-gum is not specifically named on the N B A s banned substance list. "We a r e not worried about Bruce's college past. We a r e certain he will help this t e a m , and that's why we signed h i m . " said Shoelaces.
'No comment' - VanderKolk VanderKolk initially had only a statement of 44no comment" about the situation but has since begun talking to reporters. "The whole business about the gum is overblown/* he said. "It was just some stuff I got in my box of
Fruit Ixwps cereal." When asked about his signing with t h e Timberwolves, Bruce replied, "It's nice, since Minnesota is close to home. I sort of expected to go to the Celtics, since they traded away Ainge and Lohaus. I figured they could use another white guy, but I'll do my best for the Timberwolves." VanderKolk may not be the only Hope athlete to be turning pro in future months. An NCAA investigation has unconvered contacts between VanderKolk and swimmer Shelly Russell, tennis star Colleen Sandro and cross country captain Bruce Fletter. Hope Athletic Director Ray Smith said that he felt the NCAA investigation would clear the college's name, and expressed excitment for a Hope player going to the NBA. "I never expected it to be Bruce, but I always said he kind of played like Barkley. I guess if a guy like Bill Laimbeer can play in the NBA, so can Bruce," Smith said.
A Kalamazoo sniper in the audience narrowly misses Greg Mitchell and hits the ball instead. This proves that K-zoo still can't hit anything from outside.
Eight is Enough
Page 40
Mess anchor reviews 'Skin Deep' jm
We saw it.
It sucked.
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asslfieds VOTE YES on issue 12. Bring Formula One racing to Hope. A yes vote will make Formula One racing a women's varsity sport. Support Dutch women on speed. Earn money, drive big trucks, meet new people, expand career opportunities. Interested? Call Cal's Manure Export Service. Cal says, 4, We only use animal byproducts. No artificial ingredients or preservatives." Now isn't that the kind of crap you would want to deliver? Call 616-394-7800 for more info. N E E D E D : h o u s e m a t e s for Vanderlick Cottage. Must be a twice-divorced, Latin-yodeling defensive back. Non-smokers only, please. ANARCHISTS UNITE! O r g a n i z a t i o n a l m e e t i n g on Thursday, Lubbers 201. ARE YOU OBNOXIOUS? Do you hate students? Do you absolutely h a v e to eat with your coworkers? If so, then join the Business Office, where you can h a v e u l t i m a t e control over students' financial records too! DeWitt Center, Hope College. NEED SCRAP PAPER? Contact a member of Dr. Schakel's British Lit. class. Sold only by the pound. Cheap! DEAR OLLIE, thanks for those
wonderful nights in the basement. Just remember, loose lips sink ships! Your fortune is waiting...Ronnie. WANTED: Responsibility - Call D a n at t h e V . P . ' s o f f i c e , Washington D.C. Join the society of yuppie rebels and learn to sponge off your parents, get good grades, live in comfort and still think you're rebelling against the establishment. Contact Arcadian Hall for more information.
Comma, splicing is an art form. There is no, question, about, it. The key to an excellent term, paper, is to make sure there are enough, commas, to impress the, professors. Commas, make a paper look pretty, adding, pauses, and, design, to a paper. Here are, some rules for properly, splicing, commas. 1) Always place a, comma, before, and, after, the word, comma,. 2) Always place a, comma, before, and after, but, for, nor.
(HOPE) - Surprising readers and editors alike, the anchor's sports editor actually made a correct prediction on Tuesday. Bill Meengs, currently 1-32 on his WANTED: One sports editor who calls, correctly predicted that can type. Contact Ranehor Of- Hope's men's track season would start soon. fice, x7877. "I finally got one right," said FOR SALE: Dorm room in Meengs in an interview Tuesday Phelps. No, I didn't rent it from evening. "I thought I got one the school...it's really mine. And what a bargain! Call X 6 9 2 2 for your own preview of this deluxe establishment. Only $ 6 9 , 9 0 0 . Land contract terms.
WANTED: director for student activities. Need not be present to win!
right last fall when I said that Hulk Hogan would lose to Jessie 4 the body' Ventura, but I messed that one up too." Meengs intends to keep making predictions for the anchor, though he says he'll stick to Hope sports from now on. "At least it's easier to get tickets to the Hope games," he said.
Ranehor Obituary
It is with great r e m o r s e that we report the death of two Hope Juniors, J a n e VanDoe and Muffy VanConversion, m e m b e r s of the SAC Films Committee. The students were bludgeoned to death with a hockey stick a f t e r
trying to sneak into a secret pledging event. They were not taken to the hospital because they were already dead. No memorial service will be held, but rumor has it there is a p a r t y at the F r a t e r house Thursday.
The ranehor Editor Larry Flynt Associate Editor. Roxanne Pulitzer News Editor Connie Chung Ass't News Editor. David Letterman Photo Editor Paul Schaffer Entertainment Editor John Tower Religion Editor Rev. Friendly Production Mgr....Sarahjoy Faith Hope Sports Editor. Joe Falls-Down Art Editor. Leo DaVinci Advisor. Jimmy Hoffa The ranehor is published seldom and secretly under the direction of just about anyone willing to accept responsibility. The opinions expressed in this paper are probably not those of anyone you know. They just happened lo be k*ying around the Student Development Office when we went to press. Address all hate mail and letter-bombs lo 'The Ranehor, care of David James, Advisor."
9) Put a, c o m m a , after, etc., and, a f t e r , any word dealing, with, time, such a s sooner, later, or, earlier.. 10) If in doubt, put a, c o m m a , there,. It adds, something, to your papers,.
Ranehor Philes 30 y e a r s ago today: - DeWitt circle w a s devoid of cars. Of course, it was just f a r m l a n d back then...
20 y e a r s ago today: - Someone in the Business Office smiled. - Chaplain Van Heest had long hair. Oh, excuse us. That was supposed to r e a d 4 ' h a d h a i r . "
10years ago today: - Dale Austin returned a phone call. He swears it w a s just an accident.
You're smart enough to calculate the size of a hydrogen atom.
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POSTMASTER: Stop sending us the Calvin College newspaper. We just throw the damned thing away, anyway. Thanks!
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there, is a word identifying, loca tion, such a s anywhere, where, there, or, here,. 8) P u t , c o m m a s , a r o u n d , words ending, in -ly, like, likely, i m m e n s e l y , r e a l l y , honestly, etc.,.
Meengs prediction correct!
BRUCE, I lust for your "brown" body. Approve my budget and I'll be your physics slave. Love, your secret admirer.
LOST: One pair of "Bleeding Liberal Pink" suspenders. Can't keep pants up without them. If found contact Eric at Ranehor Office X 7 8 7 7 .
and, either, neither, however, and, any other, conjunction you can think of. 3) Place a, comma, after any word ending, in -ing,. 4) Place a, comma, before, and, after, before, and, after,. 5) Place, commas, around, words like, around, about, whenever, wherever, on, in, by, near, and, any other word introducing, a, clause, or, a, phrase,. 6) Put, commas, around, the words, clause, and, phrase,. 7) Put a. comma, anywhere.
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