Hilaroscope!
Autumn 2012
The FUNNY HOROSCOPE that reveals nothing really
CAPRICORN:
AQUARIUS:
PISCES:
With Mercury, the planet of communication, entering your 2nd House this month, you will have the ability to hypnotise. Your spouse and colleagues will be you playthings, who can say no to you? Teenagers, that’s who. If only they’d look you in the eye... You will eliminate any obstacles as you make a complete transformation of your life. At least, that’s your mantra while hypnotising yourself in the mirror.
With Saturn moving retrograde until the end of June, that project to expand your horizons will come to an end, an unhappy end as council orders you to demolish your ‘Tower to the Sun’. The new moon in Aquarius is a time of renewal. Freedom and travel beckon to you but certain parts of your home life do not agree, like your spouse, children or a certain tower...
Uranus has moved into your 1st House of Self and normally this is your time of the year to relax, but let’s be realistic, if you relaxed any more we’d be arranging your funeral. You will become a lightning bolt of energy and you may find yourself suddenly in, or out, of a committed relationship - with a straight-jacket and an asylum.
ARIES:
TAURUS:
GEMINI:
The Sun moves into your House of Friends this month and it’s going to light up the lava lamp. With Mercury moving through this same house, it’s going to be mighty crowded. Time to put on the party face. In fact, there’s no point telling you about the rest of autumn as you won’t remember it anyway...
The Sun is shining on your career sector this month and things could get hot, so hot your paypacket may self combust. Be careful where you open it. Mars moves into your House of Self, making you feel like you have more sex appeal. Don’t be fooled, it’s only there for a little while, not long enough for that much change.
Lots of business trips in the first half of February, and we all know what happens on those ‘business trips’. But, as they say, what happens in Vegas (or whatever the motel is called) stays in Vegas. There are planets moving through your House of Friends, and while your friends are falling apart you’ll get stronger and they’ll look to you for leadership. Scary huh?
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