26
Comics & Distractions
Imprint, Friday, October 1, 2010
SUNSHINE ANIMAL
Marta Borowska imprint staff
I
t’s debatably cute. Coming from South America, the squirrel monkey’s habitat is undoubtedly the rainforest. Like other small monkeys, they spend most of their time in the middle to top canopy of the tree, leaping when they manoeuvre from place to place.
A common misconception is that squirrel monkeys can leap using their tails. However, after the squirrel monkey leaves infancy, their ability to grasp with their tail, fades. One of the remaining perks of having a tail after the baby stage is that it allows the monkey to keep its balance. This helps the animal when travelling down the canopy to gather food or search for water.
They have an insectivorous diet but also eat fruit, leaves, nuts, birds’ eggs and sap. Their water source typically comes from fruit and tree water accumulation, but you can find them occasionally coming down to the ground to drink if there is no water left in the nooks of the trees. Their 20-year lifespan does not stop the critters from regularly mating in mating season and it gives them more than enough time to develop social relationships within their kind.
Jordano Tonial teaches you to fall asleep
A
s anyone who’s ever ridden public transportation with me knows, I can pretty much fall asleep on anything and anyone, regardless of their age, gender, or foreignness. While you are rolling around in your bed trying to suspend your brain activity, I’m probably fast asleep on the shoulder of a stranger on the bus, before they give me the inevitable awkward shoulder shrug to wake me, that is. Now you might be asking me, ‘How do you do it despite all the noise, light, and poor people around’? Now I’m no scientist (CHEM 258, and alcohol saw to that), but I’m pretty sure that when you fall asleep you’re teleported into another dimension. So how do I fall asleep to the point that I’m borderline narcoleptic? I daydream, like a lot, so much that 95 per cent of my waking life is spent in a state of delusional lucid dreams. Most of the time that I spend in this fantasy world I’m usually – oh hold on a second the President wants me to play space golf with Megan Fox and Orville Redenbacher. … Okay back. Well apparently Orville Redenbacher has much better game than I do, what was I talking about? Oh right, sleeping. Like MGMT’s “Time to Pretend” (or at least, this is the best way I can put it without sounding completely idiotic) when you’re ready to fall asleep, start dreaming before you go to bed, this makes the transition easy and unnoticeable. Jordano manages to hate the Red Cross
teng teng zhang
The Squirrel Monkey Sunshine Animal Rocky loves boxing. He uses his professional acrobatic skills within the ring against other squirrel monkeys, rousing the audience, making them chant, “FINISH HIM.” The undefeated chimpion’s next match is this Saturday, against last year’s second place winner, Bullwinkle.
Because of this summer’s heat wave, the Canadian Red Cross was giving out free bottles of water to people at public parks, as a reminder to stay hydrated. Fuck that. If you need a “reminder” to remember that when it’s hot outside you should drink water, then I don’t know if you if you deserve to live. I mean, c’mon a dog knows that when it’s hot outside — DRINK WATER. Are you honestly dumber than A DOG? C’mon people, you don’t need to be babied, for Christ’s sake, besides breathing it’s the most basic evolutionary move to stay alive. Fuck, plants open up more to drink more water when it’s hot outside. You are literally being less responsive THAN A FUCKING PLANT, think about that. The human body can survive three days in the desert without water, I think you’ll be okay for an afternoon at the goddamned park.