Ménage à Moi
Rosslyn McNair on why wanking is a feminist issue Women like to wank. There, I’ve said it. It’s even alliterative. Female masturbation is a completely normal part of being a healthy, sexually aware woman. And yet, no girl will have a (or rather be willing to tell you) hilarious anecdote about bashing one out under the table as her maths teacher bent over, or getting caught in a compromising situation with a tin of baked beans and a box of tissues. When girls are together, they are typically open about absolutely everything. From the tiny goblins that cause havoc in your uterus every month, to shaving relating mishaps and the time that one night stand guy wanted you to meow like a kitten and call him ‘Dr KitKat’. But even with that level of honesty, it feels like the subject of female masturbation is off limits. For some reason the idea that a woman can get sexual pleasure on her own is seen as a dirty ‘hush, hush’ topic, like crying in public or drowning kittens. The simple fact is there is a stigma against a woman’s indulgence of her sexuality that there isn’t for men. To me, this suggests that women are still only perceived to be as chaste and innocent as a Cath Kidston cooking apron; or that sexual activity is to be performed solely under the supervision of a man. Masturbation is about sexual confidence, knowing what you want sexually and being fearless about achieving it. And I think that society really struggles with the radically full frontal image
She Said
of feminine sexuality. Consequently masturbation is something that many women feel ashamed that they participate in and would certainly under no circumstances discuss openly with anyone else. Compare and contrast this to the borderline self indulgent wankgasm of honesty with which men can express their sexual needs, and you see that that the taboo around female masturbation is in itself a form of sexual inequality. Sex it seems divides women in a way that it doesn’t divide men. We compete against each other for the best mate, we bitch about those of us who succeed a bit too much for our liking and we scorn women who we perceive to be too overtly sexual. Society’s view of female masturbation can be seen as a microcosm for society’s view of female sexuality in general. Madeline Albright said that there was “a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women” and in terms of this issue she’s absolutely right. We need to loosen up and not condemn ourselves or other women for either the primal possession of a sex drive or how they get their sexual kicks, whether it be rabbit shaped or rugby player shaped. Personally, I advise we keep the Cath Kidston apron on, because things could get messy. Rosslyn Mcnair is a firm believer in sexual liberty and equality even if that just manifests itself in phallic shaped jokes.
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