UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST IT WORKS!
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September 2014
COLLEGE NIGHT Welcome Back Party!!
s! U n i o J
Thursday, Sept. 18th • 5pm-close
Live Music 20% OFF
7-10pm
Valid on College Night Only 9/18/14 5pm-close
Your Entree when you present your student or faculty ID
40 East Ave., Lewiston
795-6888 Armandsab@aol.com
Retired?
“There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... retire!” – Groucho Marx
Submitted by Thomas Hill
You Are Probably Retired If... 1. You and your teeth don't sleep together. 2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. 3. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. 4. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 5. You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. 6. Getting "lucky" means you remember where you left your car in the parking lot. 7. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt; doesn't work. 8. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. 9. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. 10. You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
2
September 2014
783-7039
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA
September 2014 Tuesday, Sept 9th Sam’s Noon – 7pm (Chapter 14437) Market Place Mall, Lewiston $4 Member; $5 Guest Sunday, Sept 14th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Dr, Brunswick $5 Member; $6 Guest; Child/under 10 free Tuesday, Sept 16th Roy’s Breakfast 7am – 10am (Chapter 12907) Washington St, Auburn $2 Member; $3 Guest Sunday, Sept 21st Flagship Cinema (Chapter 12749) Lewiston/Auburn $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest
Dick Courtemanche 207-786-3622 Lewiston
Art Chamberlain 207-514-7003 Lewiston
Wednesday, Sept 24th Chick-A-Dee 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) 1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston $8 Member; $9 Guest Sunday, Sept 28th KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Dr, Brunswick $5 Member; $6 Guest; Child/under 10 free Tuesday, Sept 30th Dairy Queen 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn $4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest
Paul Colasante* 207-782-8823 Lewiston
Ron Ouellette* 207-786-3612 Lewiston
Michael Courtemanche* 207-783-8921 Lewiston
Kim Pelkey* 207-786-2573 Lewiston/Norway
Forest Cluff* 207-725-4606 Brunswick
Deb Wagemann* ChFC 207-783-8804 Auburn
*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
Tuesday, Sept 30th Ari's Pizza 11:30 – 1pm (Chapter 10929) Main St , Norway $5 Member; $5.50 Guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to change. If additional info is needed, please call our office, please do not call restaurants. All activities can only be attended at the times listed.
************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.
Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212
Staff JIMBO
Life is too short to remove the USB safely.
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES Affordable Dentures Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service! Also see us for:
Looking Up!
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Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again! We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances Accepted We also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider
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Wine ‘n Nine
GENE-O BUSting It
Uncle Andy’s Digest MAILING ADDRESS: PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 EMAIL: editor@UncleAndys.com PHONE: 207 783-7039 FAX: 207 777-3898
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES 801 Webster Street, Lewiston
514-0660 SmileAgainDentures.com Or email us at: smileagaindentures@gmail.com
UncleAndys.com While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our client’s advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or omissions.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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September 2014
783-7039
A clean tie always attracts the soup of the day.
Mike & Joe Adkins, licensed denturists
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Monday - Saturday 8am-6pm
Mon. - Fri. 8am-5pm Thurs. Open till 7pm Sat. 8am-2pm
www.shermarnolds.com • 207-782-0831 What I like about you is that you remind me about when I was young and stupid.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com
5
Out ’n About with the United Way of Androscoggin County Stuffing backpacks for children in need at local schools
We stuffed over 325 backpacks!
I don't want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
back to scho
The Back Forty Used Ca 2013 Ford Escape SEL
2011 Chevrolet Impala LT
2010 Toyota Corolla LE
2011 Toyota Avalon Limited
4WD, Auto, 18k
3.5L, V6, FWD, 35k
1.8L, 4cyl., FWD, Auto., 84k
Black, 37k, Automatic
our price
our price
our price
our price
$24,995 $14,995
$10,995
$23,995
2012 Toyota Camry Hybrid XLE
2012 Ford Focus SE
2013 Volkswagen Passat SE
2012 Toyota Corolla S
Gray Mica, 11k
Red, 51k, auto, FWD, 36mpg
2.5L, Auto., 18k
Silver, Manual, 40k
our price
our price
our price
our price
$26,995
$14,995
$20,995
$15,588
Chris Paradis Rotarian And then we distributed them to local schools... Good stuff!
Donald Rossignol Rotarian Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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September 2014
783-7039
If you look like your passport picture, you probably needed the weekend trip.
Confucius Says: "Man who buy many prunes get good run for money"
ool savings
Out ’n About with the United Way of Androscoggin County Stuffing backpacks for children in need at local schools
ar & Truck Center 2012 Toyota Camry LE
2011 Hyundai Sonata GLS
2013 Toyota Camry SE
2013 Kia Soul Base
Gray, Automatic, 36k
2.4L, 4cyl., FWD, Auto., 37k
White, Automatic, 24k
FWD, Auto 17k
our price
our price
our price
our price
$16,998
$17,995
$20,995
$15,995
2011 Buick LaCrosse CXL
2010 Nissan Sentra
2012 Toyota Tundra Grade
2012 Scion XB
The Law of Karma states that you get what you give.
John Crouch Rotarian
3.6L, V6, FWD, Auto., 77k
2.0, FWD, 53k
Crew Cab, 5.7L, 4WD, 21k
2.4L, FWD, 10k
our price
our price
our price
our price
$16,995
$11,995
$33,595
$16,995
It is service above self... but it’s also a lot of fun!
Laurie Pelletier Rotarian
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com
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Out ’n About with the United Way of Androscoggin County
Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
Stuffing backpacks for children in need at local schools
Terri Kelsea Rotarian
Side by Side Submitted by Jimbo
On his death bed, an old Jewish man says to his wife... "Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no?" "Sure I was Moshe," his wife replied. "When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no?" "I was, Moshe." "And now you're at my death bed, aren't you?" "I am, darling." "I'm starting to think you're bad luck, Sarah." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
8
September 2014
783-7039
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson
Have an upcoming event? Consider Dad’s Place! WE DO:
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Professional service at an affordable price
Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!
We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!
Dad’s Place Catering Division 345-9009
DadsPlace.info
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COFFEE FRIDAY! Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase of Breakfast Sandwich every Friday.
Expires 9.30.14
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There’s NO PLACE like...
Dad’s Place
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Book vs. Movie Submitted by Jimbo
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a cheetah sitting next to him.
“I’m 63 now. But that’s just 17 Celsius.” – George Carlin
r ar! u O Ye th 19
autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon
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Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)
Mike Morin
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin
HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268
Call us! No Separating Required!
OIL CHANGE
Front end alignments for ONLY
"Yes."
The cheetah replied, "Well, I liked the book."
Auto Center
1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433
"Are you a cheetah?" asked the man, surprised.
"What are you doing at the movies?"
Mike Morin’s
743-3891 HARRIS BROS.
Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce
Open Year Round 908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6am - 8pm
SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARIS MINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD
Waiting
996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 786-4356
I read her like a book, but I keep forgetting my place.
Submitted by Thomas Hill
A little fellow is standing at the bottom of a department store escalator. Intently looking at the handrail, the small boy would not take his eyes away.
Gotta LOVE the Chick! Boiled Lobster Dinners ∞ Fresh Steamer Clams ∞ Fresh Fried Whole Belly Clams Fried, Baked, Broiled Seafood Entrées ∞ Awesome Salad Selections Lobster Stew ∞ Fish Chowder ∞ Sandwiches ∞ Lobster Subs ∞ Kids Menu
A salesperson asked, “Are you lost?” “Nope,” came the reply. “I'm waiting for my chewing gum to come back.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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September 2014
783-7039
You’re gonna love it!
of Lewiston
1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 • ChickadeeLewiston.com
Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage - We do it! Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches? We got it! Platters for 15 or 30 people? We do it! Call for more info.
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”
I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section.
BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNER
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
We’ve got you covered! Breakfast es Sandwich
ns Hash Brow
Buy Any size Green Mountain coffee & get a donut for
50¢ $ 75
1
50¢
*Additional cost for add-ons
Get a Breakfast Sandwich YOUR WAY! Egg, cheese plus Ham, Sausage or Bacon on our own fresh made roll.
O in a r try it Wra or E p, Bage ng l Muf lish fin!
Or get creative: Add Steak, sauteéd green peppers & onion or tomatoes & onions*
Yeah, I feel like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, except our mode of transportation is slightly different...
BREAKFAST PIZZA • BREAKFAST SUBS & MORE!
Bring Home Dinner Tonight!
PIZZA • ITALIAN SANDWICHES • OUR FAMOUS UFO or one of our many other menu choices! We Deliver! In Auburn $20 minimum
Jim Rodrigue Local hot air balloon pilot interviewed by News 13.
Eat In or Take Out
GEORGIO’S 740 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-2981 Open daily 5am-9pm
www.mygeorgios.com Locally owned & operated I'm naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.
Christina Noonan Great Falls Balloon Festival event organizer
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 11
Myra
I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas"
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Lewiston, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a few minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.” “Go away!” said Myra harshly. “I'm broke and haven't got any money,” and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don't be too hasty,” he commanded. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
PROTECT WHAT YOU LOVE! BEFORE
AFTER
dule Sche ool p your now! g in clos
You love your pool and the backyard memories it creates. We help protect children and pets from unwanted situations and give peace of mind while you’re away.
1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston • 783-0858 or 1-800-244-0858 Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4 • www.abcpool.com
Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
“Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.” Myra stepped back and said with a smile, “Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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September 2014
783-7039
Just think, in a few million years Barney will be motor oil.
Out ’n About at the Train Fest
She broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
at the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn
The Works 10 $
Let’s get this party started...
Chicken, Pulled Pork, Baked Beans & Cole Slaw
Specialties
pulled pork sandwich $5 Hamburger $3 hot dog $2 baked beans $2 cole slaw $2
• Pig Roasts • Lobster & Clam Bakes • Tent, Table & Chair Rentals • DJ Services • Portable Bar $250
thurs./Fri. Ribs
Also • • • • •
Outdoor Events Company Parties ONE CALL Private Parties Anniversaries DOES IT ALL! Fundraisers SEPTEMBER HOURS: THURSDAY & FRIDAY 11-3PM
full rack $20 1/2 rack $15 Please Call ahead for take out orders
423-6666
Angelina Tardif
The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.
Straight Talk. Practical Solutions. We speak a language YOU understand!
Ask About Home Visits! We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters. Ca
ll for y our FR EE consult ation!
Braydon Daigle The locomotive power right in the palm of my hand, ahahahaha.
The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.
207-786-0346 184 Webster Street, Lewiston LewistonMaineLawyers.com Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.
Bryce Weeks & Maurice Fortin Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 13
The Caterer
To be a first-grade teacher you have to have skill, dedication, and an immunity to knock-knock jokes.
Submitted by Thomas Hill
The other day I was in charge of finding a caterer for this big banquet at my church. Through a lucky series of events, I was able to book Bobby Flay’s brother for the night! I thought it would be great, but the food was terrible and people were complaining about food poisoning.
Thank you for another GREAT Season! Restaurant Closing for the Season September 21st Miniature Golf & Driving Range Open 10am till Dark until the end of September
TABERS
Moral of the story: Don’t judge a cook by his brother.
www.tabersgolf.com
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
Assisted Home Care II “Our Family Assisting Your Family” • Driveways • Patios • Walkways
es to the Now expanding our servic ! ion Reg Midcoast re about See page __ to learn mo er. off we es the servic
• Porches • Steps • Poolscapes
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Tastes Like... Submitted by Jimbo
The note left on the office refrigerator was addressed to “The culprit who ate what you thought were two peanut butter ice cream bars.”
Our mechanics are ASE Certified which means top notch service for your vehicle. Tony Girouard Owner
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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September 2014
783-7039
5.00 OFF
OIL CHANGE
We’ll skip over the details and go straight to the signature: “Love, ConstipatedDog Owner.”
$
353-9862 183 Lisbon Street • Lisbon qualitycareautorepair.com
k! than you thin We’re closer m fro e iv dr e ut Only a 5 min in Lewiston. the Ramada
Along with a courtesy vehicle inspection and printed report. *By appointment. Limit one per customer. Offer includes plugging into vehicle computer for testing and diagnosis to determine if more extensive testing is needed. Expires 9.30.14
Meandering to a different drummer.
Boss of Bosses
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Submitted by Jimbo
WOW!
Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS for
$
12
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Marcel’s Barber Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn
783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am," said the man.
KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one," the man's wife said.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Celebrating 60 Years in Business!
e m r o o d l o l R E FALL SCHts E- AgDesU20L + 7:30-10pm
Since 1954
Where Good Skaters Meet
Thursday Nigh 30 - 10:00 - All Skating 7: Friday Nights m 4p 30 Available for private parties nday - 1: Saturday & Su 30 - 10pm 7: t gh Ni ily m Fa ts gh Ni Saturday 30 - 10pm - All SK8 • 7: 12 Riverside Drive, Auburn Sunday Night
• 777-3940
www.rollodrome.com Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
"Here's your chicken," said the farmer. Some horticulturists suspect that the banana was the earth's first fruit. Banana plants have been in cultivation since the time of recorded history. One of the first records of bananas dates back to Alexander the Great's conquest of India Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 15
The Promise
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
Submitted by Thomas Hill
A man was driving down the street in a sweat because he had a very important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Out ’n About with the United Way of Androscoggin County Stuffing backpacks for children in need at local schools
Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I promise I will go to church every Sunday and quit drinking!" Just then, a parking place appeared, the closest one imaginable. Chris Paradis, Terri Kelsea, Donald Rossignol, Laurie Pelletier, John Crouch & Don Beaulieu
The man looked up again and said, "Never mind, I just found one."
Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewiston cubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE
Friction is a drag.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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September 2014
783-7039
When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.
Money is the root of all wealth.
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
I elected to have plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Did you know... Heidi's makes Delicious PLATTERS and BOXED LUNCHES for your business meetings, staff luncheons and gatherings? Ask our about Free Glutenons. opti
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival My Mickey Mouse hands? Why, yes, I was a cast member on The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
Locally Owned & Operated
Dave “DJ” Johnson Flight crew HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm
600 Turner Street, Auburn • heidisauburn.com • 784-3434 When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Family Friendly Dentist ~ Right in Your Backyard ~ Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997
Annette Dupre from high above the Earth
Accepting New Patients! James F. Weigand, DDS General Dentistry 364 Maine Street Poland Spring • 998-4587 (Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122 Monday - Thursday 8am - 5pm
Most Insurances Accepted
I think my smart phone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I'm still at work.
Life in Maine, the way it should be. Where you can stop in the middle of the road and take a photo of a hot air balloon without getting run over.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 17
Little Known Fact Submitted by Richard Collins
In 1923, in an attempt to save money any way they could, major league baseball team owners insisted on reclaiming foul balls hit into the stands, insisting that it was a property right. That year, at a game in Philadelphia, an eleven year old boy caught a foul ball and refused to give it back. It was also discovered that he snuck into the ballpark. The Phillies management had the boy arrested and charged with theft. He spent the night in jail and was hauled before a judge the next morning.
I used to play sports until I realized I could buy trophies... Now I'm good at everything.
NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATION! ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...
NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required • Fully warranteed & certified • $60/hr labor rate
Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
333-0364 Nap Time
Accepting
Willow Tree Primitives
NEW
Hand-Made Items • Custom-Made Furniture Linens • Rugs • Luminary Candles • Antiques Prints • Byers Choice Carolers • Fabric Upholstered Furniture • Re-Upholstering Clubs Willow Tree Angels • Lay-a-ways • Private Parties Punch Cards • Timer Candles Birthday Club • Senior Day • Monthly Drawing
Students! 25 Mary St. Lewiston
dickdemersdrum@hotmail.com
September 2014
783-7039
Submitted by Jimbo
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Teaching at EVERY LEVEL
18
Gentlemen
“Go down the hallway, and you’ll see a door marked gentlemen,” she said. “But don’t let that deter you.”
– Bill Bryson
Jimbo
Front Row L to R: Mallory & Dan Middle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & Gavin Back Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve
For much of her bartending shift, my wife had to contend with a rowdy customer. At the end of the night, he demanded, “Where’s the bathroom!?”
The judge ruled that it was entirely reasonable that a kid would want to keep a foul ball, particularly since he had made a really good catch. Soon after, ballparks everywhere gave up trying to retrieve foul balls.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Come join the family!
786-6861
754-8784
850 Main Street Lewiston, Maine 04240 Open 7 Days a Week 10am - 5pm
I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office.
Donut Special Every Friday Buy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ($7.50) and get the 2nd dozen at half price! $ 11.25 for both
Mon. 6am-noon Tues-Fri 6am-3pm
784-7042
161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston
For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.
Winner Submitted by Jimbo
CREATE YOUR OWN BACKYARD OASIS!
! E L A S B U T T O H Save up to $3,000! HUGE Selection! Endless Family Enjoyment Priced Right!
SWIMMING POOLS
Monday - Friday 9-5; Saturday 9-4
1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 786-4256 • ricksswimmingpools.com Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 19
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
Confucius Says: “Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.”
Do Something RADical
You need help with your payroll? Let’s head over to Payroll Management right now. I’m sure Gary won’t mind us landing in his parking lot.
Come try our food. You won’t be disappointed! Do what you do. Do it well and they’ll keep coming back for more!
ce, “Try us on regular!” you’ll be a
Angie & Brad
SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET
Color Me Rad 5K after pic
For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more! 2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502 OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm
2 LARGE 1-TOPPING PIZZAS ONLY $
16.99 Expires 9.30.14
On September 30th 1947, The World Series is televised for the first time.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
20
September 2014
783-7039
The birthstone for September is the sapphire.
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” – Albert Einstein
Out ’n About at the Train Fest
FALL INTO A GREAT LOAN
at the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn
Auto • Recreational • Personal Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!
Deanna & Ashley Elder
We have the money to lend! Fall into Savings at Great Falls FCU!
You won’t B-Leave how low our rates are!
• Competitive Low Rates
Eli & Renee Bucknell Hats off to everyone who joined us during the Train Fest!
• Fast Approvals
Vehicle supplied by Emerson Chevrolet for photo shoot.
• Extended Terms
Great Falls Federal Credit Union Two convenient locations: 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 or 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500 GreatFallsfcu.com Restrictions & qualification apply
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Jacob Coulombe "Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." – Bill Cosby Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 21
Out ’n About at the Train Fest
My wife does bird imitations. She always watches me like a hawk.
at the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn
Since 1953
www.LuiggisPizzeria.com
Justin & Casey Clark
SUNDAY
MONDAY
Baked Ziti
The Fergy sm $
2.50 lg $ 5.00
$
6.00
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
Meatball Subs
Spaghetti Dinners
sm $
3.35 lg $ 6.50
w/ch $3.99 w/ch
$
7.50
FRIDAY $1.00 OFF
THURSDAY Mini Pizza
1 topping $
2.99 2 toppings $3.99
Any Large Pizza
1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $
5.25
SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians $7.99
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50 A sharp nose points to curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity. There ain’t no way I’m getting on a train my brother is driving...
Kevin & Jessica St. Pierre with their twins, Kaden & Parker
SEPTEMBER GROUP WORKOUT SCHEDULE MONDAY & WEDNESDAY
TUESDAY & THURSDAY
SATURDAY
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KYAC 6-7pm
KYAC/Fundamentals 360 8-9am
Also offering: One-on-One Training • Nutrition Services • Team Training
1st is AlClass w FRE ays E! Louise Johnson & proud guest engineer, Ean Johnson
I went to the doctor, and told him, "I think I might be addicted to twitter." He said, "Sorry, I don't follow you" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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Visit Prime360training.com to learn more!
272 Lewiston St. Mechanic Falls
Coaching You to Reach Your Individual Goals
BJ Grondin, CSCS Prime360Training.com • 577-5979 • GrondinFitness@gmail.com “A line is a dot that went for a walk.” – Paul Klee
“I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.” – Lucille Ball
Out ’n About at the Train Fest
Out ’n About at New Auburn Social Club’s Member Appreciation
at the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn
My baby looks bigger than yours, Megan.
You might be right, Patrick. Will I see you in the birthing room?
There you go, Dave!
Sharon & Arnold Borthwick
Dad, this is my kinda club! Joe Walker
Megan Ouellette & Patrick Legee
hangs the new sign in memory of Dave O. who was always cooking with Pat L.
“Do your job and demand your compensation, but in that order.” – Cary Grant
Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it! Rolly’s Diner has what you need. Come fuel up on our scrumptious food where you get more bang for your buck!
Steve & Shane Hamlin
Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily
• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn
753-0171 Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon Chef Jordon
“Comedy is acting out optimism.” – Robin Williams
Theresa Arita & Bobbie Pulsifer I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine... It's a Bordeaux collie. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 23
Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance.
Largest Washers in L/A LAU N DRO MA T • C L EA NERS • COIN-OP
Behind Rite Aid off Union Street Bypass
FREE Wi-Fi
y k c Wa days s e n F F d O e ¢ W 50 !
10 lb to 80 lb capacity
ers h 6-9plm s a Al W
Our customers say, “Beal’s is the cleanest Laundromat in L/A!” LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP
51 Hampshire St. Auburn
784-8581
Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm • Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm
Voices Submitted by Thomas Hill
Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket.
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" (You think) If the bus came would I be standing here?
Out ’n About at the Train Fest at the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn
“Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!”
Wyatt Tardif &
“Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed. “Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Brian. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m afraid my hearing is starting to go now! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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abella Emma, Is
Thomas the
artin
& Brady M
Future Master Model Railroaders & Advisors
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Train
The best part of going back to school is seeing all your friends. The worst part is, your teachers won't let you talk to them.
Out ’n About at the Train Fest at the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn
This place is #1 in my book!
1009 Center St., Auburn • 333-3390 • AutoCityofMaine.com Deals so good even Uncle Andy would buy them! 2010 Chrysler Town & Country
2005 Audi A4
$11,995 or $214.30/mo
$15,495 or $279.55/mo
2010 Jeep Wrangler
Wyatt Tardif with Terry Obie
2009 GMC Sierra 1500 SLE
$22,295 or $406.32/mo
2011 Jeep Liberty
2008 Mazda 3 Nancy Anderson
Dream Home Submitted by Thomas Hill $19.995 or $363.44/mo
$14,995 or $270.23/mo
2009 Nissan Titan
$16,095 or $305.65/mo
$9,495 or $167.69/mo
2009 Pontiac Torrent
$12,495 or $223.62/mo
2006 Saab 9-3
$7,995 or $139.72/mo
*monthly payments are figured with $500 down at 4.5% for 60 months to qualified buyers Many more choices available, view our inventory online! I went to a tough high school. In biology we used to dissect custodians.
We’d finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "I’m afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. My middle-aged wife put him at ease. "Don’t worry," she said. "They’ll only look once.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 25
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn't need it.
Don’t make me come up there...
Full Service Drug Testin ng Company & Private Investigator
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$
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Ask about quantity discounts!
P Pain Mangement Clinicss • Private Practices - R Rehab Centers Property Manageement Companies • Hosspitals
Call us for more information @ 577-6000 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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School is very important. Everyone should get at least a high school education, even if they already know everything.
My kids have everything they need to go back to school... except the right attitude.
Large Groups Welcomed Call Ahead Full Bar • Free Parking Lounge • Dining Room Private Function Rooms
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival Arrr... Where’s yer treasure, matey?
“Best Seafood Restaurant” Ten years in a row.
Award Winning Chowder One of the many Pirates at the Balloon Festival
Family Owned for 3 Generations
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com
I love the Balloon Festival this much.
Back-to-school sales get me all excited. Of course, pretty much any sale gets me all excited.
Vote Online NOW! 2014 “Best of the Best!” Greater Lewiston/Auburn
Jen Reeder Festival Volunteer
BestOfSurveys.com MarketSurveysOfAmerica.com
VOTE
GKMSurveys.com
NOW!
Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20th Annual Best Businesses for 2014 will be announced right here in Uncle Andy’s Digest later this year!
Market Surveys of America Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Frank Coffin L-A Harley Band Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
Jimbo UncleAndys.com 27
UP TO
Sept. 12-14th ONLY! Our Vendors have reduced their costs to us so we pass the savings along to you!
PREMIER POOLS’ BIG ANNUAL SALE
$
Retails at $7,999.
4,999
7ft Artesian Spa *upgrades included*
Customize Your Spa Industry’s Best Warrantees Unsurpassed Hydrotherapy
expires 9/30/14
SPA FALL SPECIAL
Model 735B or 735L
* Offers valid for new contracts signed September 12-14, 2014 only. Offers have no cash value. See a Premier Pools & Spas representative for details.
782-1514
2010 LISBON ROAD LEWISTON, MAINE
IN SAVINGS ON NEW POOLS!
$6,000
Did You Know? The Beatles were George Harrison, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, and Ringo Starr. But there were also two lesser known, previous members of the band: Pete Best and Stu Sutcliffe.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
THE 2ND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING Learn how to defend yourself and your family. Watch our website & Facebook page for our upcoming FALL Schedule!
NRA Certified Instruction When the Black Death swept across England one theory was that cats caused the plague. Thousands were slaughtered. Ironically, those that kept their cats were less affected, because they kept their houses clear of the real culprits, rats.
CC Permit • Basic • Advanced Don Mailhot
rdtacticalhandgun.com
NRA - Law Enforcement
Roland Levasseur NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight
576-5131
212-0608
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
312-5478 9 Acadia Ave. Lewiston
Tues./Thurs./Fri. 9-5 Sat. 8-12noon Sun./Mon./Wed. Closed
I can't get enough minimalism.
Ron Chicoine, MD for County Commissioner
I ask for your vote November 4th “On Call for Lewiston.” Paid for and authorized by the candidate. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
Come see us at our NEW Location!
Send us your jokes & stories.
We’re now at 61 Mill Street in Auburn (in the old Pontbriand Hardware building)
We’ll get you published! Send them to editor@UncleAndys.com for consideration.
61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com
Package Submitted by Thomas Hill
Reaching the end of a job interview, the personnel recruitment officer asked a young engineer fresh out of Cambridge, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Come & Enjoy Our Everyday Specials! MONDAY TUESDAY 60¢ Wings Cheeseburger Special $5.99 $
Thatcher’s Burger $7.99
BBQ sauce, cheddar, carmelized onions
60¢ Wings $ 3.00 25oz domestic drafts
3.00 25oz domestic drafts
WEDNESDAY THURSDAY Mexican Day 3 Beef Tacos $4.99 Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99 $
3.00 Coronas
Stuffed Peppers $5.99 Open Face Turkey $6.99 with Mashed
$
4.00 microbrews
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
Fish & Chips $7.99
Teriyaki tips $10.99 with Mashed 2 Hotdogs w/fries $4.99
Fried Scallops $10.99
A place where family & friends gather for good food & cheer at great prices!
$
2.25 domestic bottles
782-2135 Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm Sun. 11am - 5pm
SUNDAY 12” cheese pizza $5.99 $ 5.00 Well Bloody Mary’s
Did You Know? During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $140,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years .. say, a red sports Mercedes?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. – Joe Weinstein
Ann Dumais with her husband, Dan. The Dumais’ attended a butterfly release event recently at the Hospice House in Auburn. At this fundraiser anyone who wanted to take part could release a butterfly in honor of their lost family member. Ann chose to do a release in honor of her dad, Walter Cloutier. In a touching moment her butterfly landed on her ear and hung on long enough where she could hear her dad say, “Let me go.” Can you say goosebumps? Here is a poem shared at the butterfly release fundraiser:
As you release this butterfly In honor of me, Know that I’m with you and will always be. Hold a hand, say a prayer, close your eyes and see me there. Although you may feel a bit torn apart, Please know that I’ll be forever in your heart. Now fly away butterfly as high as you can go, I’m right there with you more than you know. – Jill Haley
“My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents.” ― Jarod Kintz Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
Sweet Pea Desi g ns Wedding Planner & Flower Shoppe
777-1520
sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com la.ouellette@gmail.com It's, "Jamaican hairstyle day" at work tomorrow, I'm dreading it.
I'm thinking of starting up a, 'Stiff Little Fingers' tribute band, we'll call ourselves, 'Arthritis'.
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival Are YOU looking at ME?
A fresh perspective for Lewiston! I ask for your vote on November 4th!
What matters for Lewiston, What matters for Maine • Welfare Reform • Education • Tax Burden • Citizen Voices
Learn more at: PattiGagneforSenate.com Paid for and authorized by Patti Gagne for Senate, Pam Remieres-Morin, Treasurer
You don’t want none of this, buddy!
Our #1 problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything... but don't quote me.
Terry Ricker This unique one mile road race is short, fast and lots of fun for the whole family! There will be many different race divisions - from the kids fun run mile to the public safety mile...with everything in between, this event is for every runner at every level. Challenge yourself to run your best mile ever. And when you do, you will change a child's life.
Proceeds benefit the Auburn Police Activities League (PAL).
Register today at: www.AuburnBlueMile.com Some do Jenny Craig, while others do Richard Simmons... I do Sara Lee.
Steve Grenier Main Street Music & L-A Harley Band Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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C'est la Vie
A golf course is a site to be holed.
Submitted by Jimbo
(We’re sure Spring Meadows would agree).
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, and poor circulation. I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, and I have lost all my friends.
ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!
2 for 1
Monday Night Scrambles
ONE FREE GREEN FEE
BUY A 2015 MEMBERSHIP NOW!
4:30PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday Singles or full teams are accepted
Must present this coupon to receive
for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thru Thursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 9.30.14
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
✃Expires 8.31.12
Golf the remainder of 2014 FREE!! A variety of memberships are available. Call or visit our website for more info.
Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586
GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS www.springmeadowsgolf.com
I just got a new job as an auctioneer, they told me I had a lot to offer.
Expires 9.30.14
BE BEAUTIFALL $
This Autumn enjoy...
20 OFF
Any chemical services with Kelly D. or Camille
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311 Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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Ann
Kelly
Sue
Lysa
Camille
Kelly D.
We are a full service salon
Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says "Get out! We don't want your type in here".
Retail • Wholesale • Redemption • Liquor Store 5 Locations for Your Convenience!
Sabattus Street, Lewiston
Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Main Street, Auburn
WHAT’S BREWING AND ALWAYS NEW Minot Ave, Auburn
Dr.McGillicuddy 750ml $13.99 All Flavors $3 OFF
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS
Main Street, Lewiston
Jack Daniels 1L $26.99 $2.00 OFF
Gritty’s 12 packs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99 Bud/Bud Light 16 oz 24 packs . . . . . .$17.99 Sam Adams 12 packs . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99 Bud Light Lime-a-rita 12 packs (all varieties) $9.99 Mezzacorona 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99 Yellowtail 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99
Crown Royal 750ml $22.99 $3 OFF
Canadian Mist 1.75L $15.99 $4.00 OFF
Roopersbeverage.com 694 Main St. Lewiston • 782-1482
794 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 783-6353
1420 Lisbon St. Lewiston • 333-3095
545 Minot Ave. Auburn • 783-2047
303-311 Main St. Auburn • 783-9098
Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill
I got a brand new hedge-trimmer today, It's state of the art cutting hedge technology.
Celebrating their 20th Anniversary
Katie Camire Mission Possible! Taking care of the customer is priority #1.
Element All Star Cheer team pose for a team photo at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
I was a premature baby. My father wasn't expecting me.
Good thing this is only apple juice... so Uncle Andy’s can publish it and all.
Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill
Right on! Happy Birthday, man!!
Dave Gagne
Dick Record & Dan Cox celebrating Dan’s birthday with some apple juice
A Full Service Salon Sean Little & Jeb Blackwell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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1117 Center St., Auburn (behind Met Life) • 784-3522 Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal curvature of the upper spine.
Come watch your favorite sporting event on our 11 TV’s in our NEW 1,300 sq. ft. bar area!
16 Beers on Tap Full Menu ALL the Time!
EVERY SUNDAY ALL DAY in September 1/2 priced Appetizers (eat-in only) • Bud Draft sm.$2 lg.$4
EVERY TUESDAY ALL DAY in September 50¢ Wings LIVE MUSIC
er t a C S ’ C A Let M ent! v E t x e N Your ys! e Holida
Saturday September 13th & September 27th
W for th
Book NO
Mac’s Grill
Check out our Live Entertainment this month!
GRILLING TIME! Get your steaks here for your own grill at home!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885
macsgrill.com
Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill Celebrating their 20th Anniversary
Awww... shucks!
Rob Ducharme
Dalia Lapirus?
I often say to myself, - "I can't believe that cloning works."
WE CARRY: • All Dab Accessories & rigs • Glasspipes, Metalpipes, Hookahs, Woodpipes • Detox - Vaporizers • E-Hookahs & E-Liquid • Butane, Papers, Shisha & Incense • Seedless Clothing • Posters • Bags • Pipe Cases
Open Mon - Sat 10am - 8pm
We’re a FULL Service Vaporizer Shop.
AfterHoursheadshop a_h_smokeshop
We have vaporizers for all uses as well as e-cigs, e-hookahs (refillable & disposeable). And many flavors of premium American made e-juice from 0-24mg nicotine levels.
AfterHoursSmokeShop
Cam Hutchins Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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25 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 795-7600 My daughter's horse will only come out when it gets dark, it's becoming a night mare.
My new favorite band is Dog Whistle, you probably have never heard them.
Test of Time Submitted by Jimbo
A Maine Tradition You Can Count On! • • • •
Happy Hour 3-6pm daily 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar Daily Specials Live Music on Friday Nights
A father and son are hiking in the Grand Canyon. They go around bends, over hills, and through nooks. They round another bend to see an American Indian sitting on a rock. The father points and says, "son, Native Americans have the best memory of any people in the world."
64 Lewiston Road, Gray 657-4714 • ColeFarms.com
The young son thinks he's quite the smart one and goes up to the Indian and says, "What did you have for breakfast last Tuesday." Without hesitation the Indian responds, "eggs." The son is impressed and goes on with the hike with his father.
Trevor Spaulding (Poland basketball shirt) recently ran in the L/A Bridge Run, a 5K and the third leg of the Triple Crown. Trevor ran with his mom, Pam Ashby (UAD graphic designer).
Considering a NEW Used Vehicle? Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.
Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!
Call for a FREE Quote! Your Make & r look old ca ke run li NEW!
845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500 An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion a day should take care of everyone else.
30 years later the son is now a grown man, and is hiking the same trail with his own son. He goes around the same bends, over the same hills, and low and behold, rounds the corner and there is that same Indian on the same rock. He's an older wiser man now, and will really test him. He walks up, raises his hand in greeting and says "HOW?" The Indian responds, "Scrambled." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill Celebrating their 20th Anniversary Bet you didn’t know we were sisters!
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
: U O Y G N I T C E PROT Is What We Do.
s Kerrie Robbin Specialist
232 Center St., Auburn
nce
Commercial Insura
Alicia & Makayla Dube
Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm
commercial
home
VarneyAgency.com
auto
recreational
umbrella
786-0417 life
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Evelyn Till
Jordan Kaulback Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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The Edward Little High School Marching Band accepted the ALS ice bucket challenge. Visa is everywhere you want to be... Except out of debt.
health
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
JT REID’S Gun Show
Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill Celebrating their 20th Anniversary
Kale Churchill
Saturday, October 11th 9:00am - 5:00pm
Stop in and see us. Our food is always a COLOSSAL hit!
Where: Ramada Inn 490 Pleasant St, Lewiston
Cost: $5/pp (Under 16 Free) Active Duty Military No Charge
BUY • SELL • TRADE Concessions & Raffles
Sherry Arsenault
This is a guns and ammo show only featuring dealers from New England. Concealed firearms prohibited in show even with permit.
FMI: JT Reid’s Guns 86 Court St., Auburn
777-3579 www.jtreidsgunshop.com
Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Katie Camire Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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Church Feud
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
Submitted by Jimbo
Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983 $10 off for ANY Service with Coupon!
One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.' The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.' The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'
OUR TIRES
We can do it:
Scooter
• Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections
60 Minot Ave • Auburn
782-6666 or 783-2026
A PROUD MEMBER OF THE NAPA AUTO CARE TEAM
I can't give him a book as a gift. He may already have one.
Drum roll please . . . . The L-A Harley Band at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
The preacher became disgusted over the situation and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.' When the preacher resigned the next week he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.' Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Fifth graders are using worms to recycle garbage from school lunches. But even the worms won't eat the Salisbury steak.
For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs
Out ’n About at Mac’s Grill Celebrating their 20th Anniversary
CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY
782-3822 e efor B l l Ca ing! Com
Convertible Tops • Boats • Motorcycle Seats Tonneau Covers & Headliners • RV’s & More!
300 Cressey Road, Monmouth Just past Reggie’s Kawasaki, before Highmoor Farm
Dan & Amy Cox
Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
For the Record, we do date night every week.
Thank YOU everyone for making our 20th Anniversary celebration a huge success!
Denise & Dick Record I love what you’ve done with the place!
Gerry Gagne & Kate Landry Current ownership & Previous ownership
School is where you always try to do your best... except when your friends are watching.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Assisted Home Care II
I wish this Uncle Andy’s photographer would stop bugging me...
“Our Family Assisting Your Family”
Now ex our serv panding ic Midcoas es to the t Region !
Assisting Families since 1997.
• • • • •
Registered Home Health Care Service Agency Private Duty Care & Staff Relief 24 hour Personal Care and Response Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers Assist with Independent Living at Home
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org Hey thanks, you can take our picture anytime!
Parents, the African Proverb is right . . . when elephants fight ants get hurt.
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
& , Barb Bart a Gillespie nn , ea ue os R sq ) ve (front ert Le n. (back) B Bart (pilot) Joan Westo te & Frank et in B in st Ju , ud ha ic Brian M
Morgan
Christin aN Hamlyn, oonan, Troy Mil ls Geoff Ne ss & Nic , k Know
lton
Pick me! Pick ME!!
Andy Carrier, Mariah Carrier, Tina Carrier, Christy Gardner & Moxie
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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September 2014
783-7039
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival
Jeff Neal
Fay Duval
“Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothaches.” – Mae West
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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“In America they really do mythologize people when they die.” – Robin Williams
DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION 23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 Located in the building behind Dad’s Place Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)
MORE FOR YOUR $$ Get more for your returns at Dad’s! Dad’s Redemption
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
on all 5¢ returns with this coupon. (must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)
✃
es v i r D Bottle me! Welco
6¢
UAD expires 9.30.14
When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve.
Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburn for their Annual Sock Hop event
– Robert Frost My snakes love it in the grass. I always get a glowing recommendation...
Paul & friends strolling around at the Balloon Festival Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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I only thought of you once today, I just never stopped.
Did You Know? Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.
$
Lunch for 3.99!
Out ’n About at New Auburn Social Club’s Member Appreciation
Monday - Friday 11am - 3pm Bar & Grille
Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool
Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock or Home-Made Chicken Tenders Served with one side: Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans, Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day.
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At this point I should be able to bench-press a Buick.
Out ’n About at New Auburn Social Club’s Member Appreciation
Roger & Michelle Rossignol
The New Auburn Social Club Officers: Dennis, Joe W., Paul, Mike, Joe C., Leroy, Patrick, Heather & Judy
Pee-Wee You wait, Bampa! You’re going
DOWN!! That was fun! I could do this all day. Aries sinks his Bampa, Joe Walker, in the dunk tank.
Glub, glub, glub.
Did You Know? The State of Florida is bigger than England.
Craig Charpentier, Patrick Legee & Mike Gooldrup
• FREE Facepainting & Balloons • FREE Spinal, Foot, Eye & Dental Screening • FREE Photo ID Cards & Fingerprinting • FREE Food, Prizes & Inflatable Games • FREE Animal Show & Music • FREE Cookie Decorating • FREE Massages • And Much, Much More!
Saturday, September 20th Noon – 3:00PM Lewiston High School
Come Meet Pathway Vineyard, LPD, Maine State Troopers, LFD with Sparky the Dog, United Ambulance, Lewiston Mayor Macdonald, Kora Funsters, Slugger, Monty the Moose, Lewiston Rec Gymnastics, Phoenix Karate, Tarmey Tumbling, Lewiston Library Friends and Many More!
A day dedicated to children’s health, safety and environmental awareness.
Join us at Lewiston High School Saturday, September 20th Noon – 3:00PM
Did You Know? The flashing warning light on the cylindrical Capitol Records tower spells out HOLLYWOOD in Morse code.
Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburn for their Annual Sock Hop event I knew she would make me dance!
Where’s Toto? You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
Out ’n About at Fenway Park on Maine Day
screen at On the big Day. k on Maine ar P ay nw Fe
with Larry Gowell
Larry was invited to sing the National Anthem on Maine Day (July 6th) at Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox. Larry is an Auburn, Maine native and pitched for the NY Yankees in 1972.
Larry (r) with his son, Chad who is holding granddaughter Graylyn & his grandson, Tucker
Men don’t get lost; they discover alternative destinations.
Don’t go getting all up in my grill. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburn for their Annual Sock Hop event
Sign outside the dry cleaners: "Drop your clothes here for best results!"
Making Buying Easy ~ Whatever it Takes!!
I hope he doesn’t drop me...
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
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“How should I have played that last shot?” the golfer asked his partner. “Under an assumed name.”
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’” – Claude Pepper
Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburn for their Annual Sock Hop event
Haley Hebert
Lily Grant & Kaylie Vallee It was a great night for a sock hop! Thank you everyone!!
Dan & Penelope Hargreaves “I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.” – Bob Hope
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with September 2014
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Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburn
A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
for their Annual Sock Hop event See page 14 to find out when we close for the season.
Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburn for their Annual Sock Hop event Don’t go anywhere... I always hit the ball better with people watching.
Aubrey Bennett
Darcy Jackson, Kaylie Vallee & Lily Grant
CASH FOR CLUNKERS
Emily Briggs “When one door closes, another one opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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September 2014
783-7039
Bryce Smith bounces one off the Pepsi sign
Bring in any stove and get a voucher for up to $300 toward a new JØTUL gas or wood stove! Limited time offer ng with partneri Proudly r the Jøtul fo gram Out Pro e g n a h 2014 C
FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP 1220 Center St., Auburn • 784-9249 www.firesidestoveshop.com
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
September is National Chicken Month.
WINNER!
PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING? Ask about our signature models!
CALL FOR PRICING
G.A. DOWNING Service Rental Sales
782.4508 or 800.924.4500
111 Woodman Hill Road, Minot www.gadowning.com
September is National Rice Month. Thank you for the Hot Air Balloon Tickets! We had a great time!!
Steve Sutton was the big winner of our social media contest we ran on our Facebook page. He won two hot air balloon ride tickets! He and his wife went up on Friday morning, the kickoff launch for the Great Falls Balloon Festival.
September is National Potato Month.
Nationally speaking, September has a lot going for it.
Bookkeeping Plus QuickBooks Classes Offered
PLEASE!
Don’t rush it!! (Photo taken on August 6th, submitted by Eleanor Bergen)
Bookkeeping Services 9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
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September 2014
783-7039
September is National All-American Breakfast Month.
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
See Bill or Pat for expert service & advice on the latest designs & models.
72” Shower Wall Kits A complete kit with everything you need: side & back wall panels, corner molding strips, soap dishes and installation materials.
Call for more info.
Out ’n About at New Auburn Social Club’s Member Appreciation
Here’s my tip for you: Don’t take any wooden nickels.
Partnering with Professionals
784-5721 Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail Showroom Hours: Mon. Tues. Wed. Fri. 8am 4:30pm Open Thurs. until 6PM APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED
3 Middle Street, Lewiston showroom.redlon-johnson.com
Tim Fox Branch Manager 514-1104 • tfox@redlon-johnson.com Pat Bolduc Showroom Manager 514-1137 • pbolduc@redlon-johnson.com Bill Eccleston Showroom/Inside Sales 514-1136 • beccleston@redlon-johnson.com
Tom Ogden
I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.
George Palmer
You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!
Michelle Noiles
Let’s help them meet their fundraising goal!
Get your picture taken with Flat Pat!
No one seams to like my jokes about patch work! I've tried sew hard...
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm Fri. 8am-4pm
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.
proceeds benefit the Dempsey Challenge Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm
9:00am – 3:00pm (rain date 9-14-14)
Join Us Sunday, Sept. 7th
Visit us at our state of the art office at:
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004
CAR WASH & DETAIL
LIQUID SUNSHINE
CAR WASH Fundraiser!
Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit with results that you will be proud to show off.
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351 Same Day Emergency Care We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM