campus awareness of date rape(or unwanted sexual touching) is hoped for. On a na tiona! scale a similar awareness can be seen in programs such as "Against Her Will," and "Not by a Stranger." These programs tackle the issue of date rape on college campuses. The emotional impact of a victim is an issue that is covered in depth in the made-for-television movie, "Not By A Stranger." Victims are often misunderstood by family, friends and lovers. Because these people don't understand the emotional turmoil a victim endures, they are often unable to help the victim in an effective manner. "A lot of people don't understand that my emotions are because of what happened to me," says one victim, She said people think she makes up her mood swings for attention. Often a victim's rapid mood swings are interpreted as unstable or antisocial. But according to psychotherapists these acts may, in fact, be from the victim's iniablity to trust people or from flashbacks of the incident. They also say there is no specific amount of time until a victim stops reliving the incident. "I was assaulted when I was a teenager," says Dana (whose name has been changed for this article). "and I can still see pictures of the guy doing what he did to me, over and over again." Psychology professionals call the feelings and actions endured by victims immediately after an assault the "crisis state." This stage includes both an extreme hysterical reaction as well as an overly masked or calm reaction. While she may appear calm or hysterical on the outside, she may be having feelings of anger and confusion inside. She also may be taking
some blame for the assault, by asking questions like "what did I do to deserve this and what could I have done to prevent it?" Dana says she continues to feel guilt because she had heard the lectures about being alone with a male, but didn't think the warning included people she knew. The aspect of guilt is a major issue in healing from the incident. say psychologists. Dana's feeling of guilt is common in victims after this type of assault. It is not unlikely, according to the experts, for friends and family to see assault by an acquaintance as less violent and serious. But assault therapists say it can be equally or more traumatic as an assault committed by a total stranger. The one emotion that may differ between the two assaults is guilt. Someo n e who has been assaulted by an acquaintance often takes on a great deal of personal responsibility for having volunteered to join the would-be assailant for a date. Psychologists say that if not dealt with, this guilt may turn into many related problems later in life. Normally victims move from the "crisis stage" to a number of physical changes in sleeping or eating habits. She may also experience nightmares. flashbacks or have trouble concentrating. This violation by a man could also decrease a woman's ability to trust males. "I wish I could turn back the clock, and make this whole thing not happen." Dana said, "because if I could, I wouldn't have all of the problems I have. I can't even go on a date, many years later, without wonder-
ing if the guy I'm with is going to attack me." It is very common during acquaintance sexual assault recovery for the woman to relate aspects of the assault to her everyday world. "Every time I see a guy who even sort of resembles my assailant, I freeze ... even if I know it couldn't possibly be him," Dana said. It doesn't have to be just a person who resembles the assailant. It could be a specific place where the assault occured which causes the victim to freeze, cry or act hysterical. For a victim to demonstrate any ambivalence (or complete refusal) to enter or pass any place is normal. and for a friend to recogniZe signs of mental anguish could be helpful.
A friend's concern is often the best thing for a victim. It shows h e r
a n other person is concerned about her feelings and gives her an opportunity to ask for help. Once a close friend has expressed concern, the best thing for her to do. is present the victim with names and phone numbers where she can get professional help. Psychologisits. however, say the victim should be allowed toregain some control in her life by allowing her to choose what she would like to do (even if the choice is to do nothing at first). "My parents weren't very supportive," Dana said, "They tried, but they kept shoving names of psychologists in my face and telling me to go see them. I just wanted them to give me space ... I just felt like they were trying to take charge. It made me so mad." Dana's parents' reactions
Laura McConnell, author, lectures to a living group on date rape. (Gadsby)
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are normal, say therapists. important that the victim gain some control in her life. One way to accomplish that is by allowing her to choose her own method of healing. If a victim doesn't deal with her incident until several years later. she may experience the above mentioned trauma at a later date. Friends often make the mistake of thinking that time will do the trick but it has been the experience of some that this delay can creep up during a romantic relationship or because something triggers the memory. "For a long time," Dana said, "I didn't say anything to anyone because I thought it was stupid. I thought that I should be over it and so I never did anything. Now that I'm in therapy, I see that I have the same problems as people who have dealt with their incident right away." Often, through professional counseling and time, a victim will enter the final stage. It iS during this "long term adjustment," that a victim can live her life without being obsessed by memories of her assault. According to therapists, the victim may still always remember her assault. But the key factor to this stage, is it is no longer a constant emotional roller coaster. She will have regained control and feel able to share her life with another person without feeling threatened. It is
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