c54.d1Janced V짜filching eurriculu~ PREREQU ISITES (MILCHINC
I06)
CREDIT HOURS
COURSE NO.
I. Technicalities of the Cow .... . 2. Approach . .... . ............ . 3. H and Movements ........... . Laboratory ............... . 33. Beginners' Milching . .. ... ... . 34. Milching . . . .... . ..... .. .... . 00. The Stool; Its Uses ...... . ... .
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2 3
4 4 2
The course in m ilching, in fact all courses in milching, are under the direction of Professor I. Can Yankum, B.S. P rofessor Yankum received his degree in Milching from the University of Chicago, where a cow is as rare as fresh asparagus in Alaska. He did most of his undergraduate work on a mechanical cow. After his graduation in '65, he was the chief milcher for several of the herds of Canned Cow, Inc., of Yanktown, N. Y. All his early experience was on eastern apparatus, but later he hearkened to the advice "Go west, young man, go west." He landed in Viola on April 13, 1867. H e was employed on a farm near that city for a number of years and won the milching championship of Latah county for three successive years. He caught his hand in a door and broke three fingers, which resulted in his forfeiting the championship the following year. When t he university was founded in 1889 he received his professorship in the agricultural art. H e has been here since that time. In 1929 he was called to New York, where he gave evening classes t o the st ock brokers who went bust in the crash. Many of the b rokers went back to the farm, said Professor Yankum. The course at the university is one of the best that may be found on the American continent. The professor has the distinction of milching a cow dry in five minutes. H e is now 96 years of age. Students majoring in milching are the most prominent in the university. They are very adept a t squeezing grades out of the professors. During the past year very many outstanding students enrolled in the course. Among them were the president of the student body, president of the " I " Club, W.A.A. president, and the " I " Club queen. The course as it stands at the present time t akes in such not ed work as target practice and squirt-writing.
DAYS
PERIODS
f m w f t th s sun mtwf m t w f s
8 8
m w
m w s
I 7-8-9
I
2
s
Ollie Oop can hit a clay pigeon ten feet in the air wit h a s t ream of milch while seated on a stool t wenty-five yards away from the target. Many of t he men enrolled in t he course have grown very clever at writing their names on the wall with a stream of milch. You know- the handwriting on the wall. Let us take a peek into the laboratory at t he cow barns during the laboratory on Sunday afternoon. " H ey, Henry," says one student. "Slow down, you dirty so-and-so," says another. Henry was squirting milch in his classmate's eye. This is one of the many happy pastimes in the milching laboratory. Let us take a look at the neophyte approaching the newly milchable cow. "So-o," he u tters very slowly; "so, honey, so, honey, you dirty so-and-so. So---o." The cow throws her tail around as he starts to stoop to the stool and hits the neophyte in the eye. He has to stop for a while, because he looks sunburned after that blow. Over in another corner of the laboratory Hortense Hinzel, of the famous Hinzels, is trying to break the world's record of ten gallons a minute. This event was b roadcast by radio. Some of the excerpts from the broadcast follow: "She's seated at Idaho Rose, folks, old Idaho Rose, who took the prize a t the P ortland fair last year. She grabs the teat gently and pats the side of the cow. She pulls slowly but firm ly at the teat. "The m ilch pours s teadily into the pail. It is a nice bright sunshiny day, t he day is clear, sun is pouring through t he windows of the milch laboratory. "It's almost full, folks- yessir, the pail is almost full; two more strokes and she will have the pail fu ll to the brim. She's almost there, folks. She made it! She made it!!
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