Recently the CEO of a major software company made national news when he announced he would be stepping down to “spend more time with his family.” The decision by a male CEO to choose family over the boardroom was surprising to many, but it shouldn’t be.
balancing act
Fathers across the country are playing a more active and vital role in parenting today, eager and excited to take on child care tasks long solely associated with mom. In fact, gone are the days of Leave it to Beaver shows where moms reigned supreme, cooking, cleaning and caring for everyone while daddy was away at work all day. New shows like Modern Dads on A&E illustrate the changing times where the men either choose to be or are forced to be much more hands on with daddy duty. However, as costs connected with raising children continue to soar (CNN now reports it costs nearly $250K to raise a child to age 18...yikes!), and especially when multiples come into play, dual incomes are nearly mandatory in many homes. Both parents are facing the reality of balancing family and work, which creates a whole new paradigm shift in the world of parenting.
“Every morning we both get them up, change them, spend some time with each individually.”
logistics are hard
For Eric Sanders, father of nine-and-a-half month old twin boys, the day-to-day routine can be a daunting one. “I now realize I was naive to think they would fit into our lives --- rather, we’ve started a new, very different chapter.” Born two months premature, his twins have provided a whirlwind entry into fatherhood. After spending 25 days in the hospital, Sanders and his wife started the process of welcoming the boys home and learning how to balance everything on their own. For the couple, planning and teamwork are front and center of everything they do. “The logistics are hard. Parenting with twins is a team activity. It’s never one of us feeding or putting to bed, but always both.” Developing new schedules and routines was paramount for success, always keeping their focus on the boys. Born premature, their personalities and character took a bit longer to come, though the laughs, smiles, and facial expressions they now share provide a new deeper level of purpose and challenge for the family. “This has made us grow much closer, because we now share all these moments.” multiplicity
For Sanders, being an active and engaged father has always been the only option, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a balancing act. Like many fathers today, he works hard to massage his schedule at work to maximize his time with his sons.
Finding moments throughout the day is important and a little work flexibility allows Sanders to steal extra time here and there. With the shift and sharing of caretaking to many dads, it’s also good to see so many companies being more understanding and flexible, including offering paid time off when the babies arrive and are sent home from the hospital. “I try to be home as early as possible and leave work that can wait until after they go to bed.” As the father of twins, making sure to spend time with each individually has been a key component of their parenting style. “We have discussed that this is very important. We want them to feel they are individuals, not half of “the twins” respectively.” Of course, that’s not to mention the work it takes to continue to grow and develop his relationship with his wife. Date nights, lunch dates, and evenings at home, all help keep the day-to-day activities from mounting on their relationship. “Every evening is time for us. They are in bed at 7:30, which gives us three to four hours that we both look forward to that we almost always spend doing something together.”
“It’s the only thing that matters along with my wife. Everything is for my family and kids.” Continuing to build that relationship has proven to be a significant factor for Sanders in creating the family and father he wants to be. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples
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