Keep Ya Head Up by Tri-City Herald

Keep Ya Head Up Poetry and Other Works by Students of The Benton Franklin Juvenile Justice Center

Contents FOREWORD My Neighborhood Your Neighborhood Live Life My Life Memory Poem Big Blue Sea Monster Untitled Your Life Story Keep Ya Head Up About Me YOU DON’T KNOW ME! I Am What I want you to know about me I Am Poem The Change of Worlds While Painting Urban Poets Society Hidden treasure Up How do I tell her Said The Gutter to the Stars My neighborhood is… Mellow Precious Unknown Spoons

Reflections I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like negativity What Gave you joy growing up? When were you happiest? Whom/what do you rely on most in life? For what are you deeply grateful? Who best understands your situation? What things are you most passionate about in life? Family At the deepest levels of your being, what nurtures or strengthens you? What pulls you down and discourages you? If you had a magic wand, what would you change to make your life more meaningful? When in your life have you experienced forgiveness? What are your deepest regrets? Glass Someone Always Cares What helps you get through times of difficulty (or crisis)? What sources of strength do you draw on pressing forward? What gives you the strength to carry on day after day? What would you like to be able to let go of in your life? When wolves eat their own Hold You Down Who truly understands your situation? Who supports you in difficult times? How so? What are you striving for in your life? How would you like to be remembered? Strength If I could change What would you change? My Goals In Life Letter to my unborn child Dear Momma Listen To Your Elders Dear Mama DAD

DEAR MOMMA Dear Mama, Keep your head up

FOREWORD By Jordan Chaney A message to the youth sitting in their cell holding this book in their hands, you’re still valuable. Keep ya head up! Though you may not feel valuable in this moment, while wearing Juvy pajamas and ugly beige chanklas, sitting in a concrete cell, poor lighting, opaque window, cold metal toilet, no cell phone, no homies to talk to, a 2 inch mat to sleep on, full of regret and “shoulda, woulda, couldas”- all of this can kind of make you feel forgotten, unloved, abandoned, and thrown to the side. But keep ya head up anyway! Though you might be down on yourself right now, you should know that you are still a part of a caring and compassionate community that still wants to see you get back on track with your life and succeed. I know this to be true because I have had the honor and the privilege of creating programs and working with the staff here at the Benton-Franklin County Juvenile Detention Center now for the good part of a decade. The people you interact here with care about you, give them a chance, you’ll see. Here’s an example of that care, a former teacher of the Juvy, named Kim Cusick, first invited me into her class to do a writing workshop with her students. From that point, we formed a friendship and a partnership that led to us creating Urban Poets Society. A youth group that runs open-mics in the community and promotes the arts and leadership to disadvantaged youth. One of the many successes of Urban Poets Society is the student on the back cover of this book, Husaya. He was also locked up in one of these very cells, too. We all have the chance to change and grow or heal. This book, KEEP YA HEAD UP, is the result of a compassionate and caring community working together to share a message of hope through the

arts with the greater vision of elevating youth voices that might otherwise go unheard, or unfelt. At the heart and soul of this book is a true community, sincerely. Not only did we take the age-old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” to heart in this project, we flipped it, dusted it off, spit-shined it and made up an adage of our own “it takes a village to restore hope.” Then we got to work! The hands that played a part in this book are many. Everyone from teachers, counselors, night staff, day staff, maintenance crew, kitchen staff, community volunteers ranging from city council people to local bakery owners, authors, pastors, and even a few parents of some of the youth in lockup all chipped in to make KEEP YA HEAD UP possible. Yes, a lot of giving hearts and hands assisted in the production of this book, but it was the courage and willingness of the youth that contributed their vulnerable poems and truthful letters that give this book light. See? It truly takes a village. It should be noted here that this book is part of a larger project around the message of hope that we have been cultivating for the last year or so with kids in lock-up. Our original vision was to connect youth inside to the community outside in a positive way and invite community volunteers (Hope Builders, Storytellers, and Credible Messengers as we call them) to connect with our youth and simply share ideas and stories of hope. Well, it has been a huge success, and it inspired even more projects to happen! Alongside this book, we transformed one of the old classrooms inside of the detention center into an art studio (we call it the “art dojo”) to make space for our youth to paint, express, purge, and create art. Why? Cause healing begins with communication. Expressing oneself through painting and writing are a way to heal. Our intention is literally written on a wall in our facility. The word “HEAL” stands as an affirmation and call to action for all those that see the mural.

It didn’t stop there, the hope project expanded out into the community. A local bakery owner from the neighborhood that most of our youth grew up in donated an entire outside wall of his bakery for our youth to design a hope mural for. He knows the kids we work with, not personally but culturally. Vinny, the owner of the bakery, always gives me large bags of pan dulce (sweet bread) for the kids whenever I drop by. He jokingly tells his employees he’ll fire them if they charge me even 1 dime for the bread. Vinny pays a homeless man to squeegee his windows. Vinny greets every one of his customers with a large smile. Vinny, like all of our hopebuilders, storytellers, and credible messengers, understands that one’s community is an extension of oneself. I am sure every generation could confidently declare that their generation was the one that had it the hardest and the toughest. And I am more than positive that there are plenty of colorful stories to reinforce these claims. But in the decade that I’ve been teaching and mentoring at the Benton-Franklin County Juvenile Detention Center I’ve witnessed hundreds upon hundreds of broken-hearted “hard to love” kids that have it harder and worse than all previous generations and here’s my reasoning behind such a mighty claim. Nine out of ten of the youth that we see have been raised in broken homes by parents who were raised in broken homes by parents who were raised in broken homes by parents who were raised in broken homes by parents who were raised in broken homes... get the idea? Generational poverty is an inheritance that grows with interest. Every generation that doesn’t solve one or all of the previous generation’s ills will, unfortunately, hand them down to the next generation and so on and so forth. The child, being the recipient of generational misfortune, is expected to get a good night’s sleep when there are criminals roaming their neighborhood, the child is expected to eat a well-balanced meal every day when the pantry and cupboards are sometimes bare or filled with unhealthy foods. This child, often fatherless, often abused, often receives no mental health counseling, is expected to contain his poverty-related frustrations, stay out of trouble, grow up, get an education, walk a straight line into adulthood and adjust to a world that has had centuries upon centuries of education and a

multitude of other practices in living well. It’s understandable how and why our kids end up in hopelessness. We first meet the youth in the middle of their life crisis, having just been charged with a crime. They lack hope, vision, guidance, self-awareness, selfworth, self-love, and love in general. Some have their family name or gang name tattooed on their necks or forearms. Some have track marks, and others have every kind of scar imaginable on their young bodies. And every single one of them hold back stories that are too real and too painful; enough to make my big tough brother Jerome cry. We were them once. We know. One of my students summed it up this way “rich kids go to counseling; poor kids go to Juvy.”. Therefore, this generation has it the worst, but there’s hope. There’s hope because communities can come together and do something about it. There’s hope because kids like Alazae, Ronaldo, Victor, and Husaya declare it so. There’s hope because we see roses grow through concrete every day at the Juvy in our programs. We have hope for our youth. Therefore, we hope together. There’s hope because our administrators, probation officers, detention staff, kitchen staff, medical staff and mental health staff ALL see the youth that we are working with and we all do our part to chip in, just as a community should. So, while you’re sitting in your small cell, in fear, or regret, or hopelessness, remember this, “the wound is the place where the light enters you,” even in your darkest hour, so have hope and... Keep ya head up, Poet Jordan

KEEP YA HEAD UP

My Neighborhood This does not define you

My Neighborhood My neighborhood is full of old people; there are no kids where I like. My neighborhood is boring, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nice. My neighborhood is quiet; nobody comes outside. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like everybody is dead. (Student)

My Neighborhood My neighborhood is dead. No one ever leaves their house; the grass grows no more. The birds donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fly. When you walk by a house, you hear dogs bark, but you never see the dogs. People avoid my neighborhood. (Student)

My Neighborhood Is full of people who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care about life. My neighborhood is full of meth heads who shoot up their kids and rather see their kids torn up dead than successful. In my neighborhood, no one sees potential. You hear cries at night from the kids and wish you could help, but youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re trapped inside afraid to go outside. (Student)

My Neighborhood My neighborhood is boring like sitting in the hot summer heat doing nothing but burning. My neighborhood sketchy when you look outside, you can see people smoking dope. (Student)

My Neighborhood My neighborhood is what I call sad. There is more to it, but there’s not much to explain what you can know when I call plain what I mean by that is a lot of people on my block are all the same. They all suffer, they almost feel a like pain they’re addicts, but they are all in their brain it’s what they choose booze, perks, meth sad to say we're gonna end up dead. (Student)

Your Neighborhood

Live Life If I live, I live. If I die, I die, but while I live, I will make the best out of life till the day I die. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I want life to be like. Not every day waking up at three in the morning just to sleep in a small car for twenty minutes then walk for a mile just to spend the rest of the day regretting past choices. Why not get it all over with? It repeats every day, but at the end of the day, I look forward to going home and spending time with my dogs. (Student)

My Life Forget the past and make a better future for yourself

Memory Poem I remember when life was so easy. I remember when grades didn’t matter. I remember when kids went to school to have fun and learn. I remember when I had no responsibilities. I remember when the brand of your clothes didn’t matter. I remember when Sunday mornings were about cartoons. I remember when I first learned how to ride a bike. I remember when Pokémon cards and roller blades were the thing. I remember when we threw family parties. I remember when I spent my time in bounce houses when I was at parties. I remember when mom wasn’t home at night, and we played hide-and-seek. I remember when I got rewarded with rubber duckies for earning money for a fundraiser. I remember when the fastest runner had the most girls crushing on him. I remember when recess was the best part of school. I remember when we had slingshot wars. I remember when marble duels were a thing. I remember when I first learned how to carry my baby sister. I remember when I learned how to climb a tree. I remember when I was fearless of spiders. I remember when Saturday night was family movie time. I remember how fun my childhood was. (Student, 17)

My Life I have experienced pain I have experienced pain when my dad, the first guy to break my heart, left and stopped seeing me for a year and then came back like nothing happened. I have experienced hope I have experienced hope when my mom took over my dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s role and kept a tough face for my sibling and me. I have experienced pain I have experienced pain when my mom, before my dad left, lied about paying the bills and lost my childhood home. I have experienced hope I have experienced hope when my mom got back on her feet and paid the bills. I have experienced pain I have experienced pain when my brother molested me when I was 7 years old. I have experienced hope I experience hope every time I talk to my counselor about coping skills. I have experienced pain I have experienced pain when my family, the ones who are supposed to protect and care for me, abandoned me while I struggled with mental health issues and drug addiction. I have experienced hope I have experienced hope when my mom supports me and answers my phone calls while Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m locked up. I have experienced pain I have experienced pain when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m so depressed and numb that I stay in

bed for weeks at a time, and when all hope feels lost. I have experienced hope I have experienced hope because I know my best friend is there for me no matter what. (Student, 15)

My Life I have experienced disappointments Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m disappointed in myself because I chose drugs over my friends and family. I have lost friends because of it, and it changed me and messed u my head. Because of drugs, I have been doing things that got me into trouble and arrested. I have experienced hope My mom told me to not do drugs because she did drugs when she was a child. She told me that she messed up and got into trouble. But I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe her, and in the end, I wished I would have listened to her before I started using drugs. It would have helped me to stay out of trouble. I have experienced disappointments I should never have used drugs in the first place because my behavior changed. I ran away from home, and my mom was worried and cried. I regret that I made my mom cry. I have experienced hope My mom is always there for me, and my grandparents are helping me to do better. They are trying to help me get off drugs. They sent me to an Outpatient Treatment Center. I have been clean for about a month now. Because I have been clean, I can do things better than when I was on drugs. Now I want to stay clean. I want to do better, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to do better. I love my mom with all my heart, and nothing is going to change that. (Student, 16)

My Life I remember when I had real friends, but they turned out to be fake. They switched up on me, and now we sit in the pen. I remember sitting on the curb. I write the truth, it’s in my words, don’t diss me. You don’t know the pain I feel on this earth when I had nowhere to sleep when I had nowhere to turn. But I thank the Lord in heaven. I had to realize that everything is a blessing. I had my doubts, even when I’m down and struggling because I came from the gutter. I had no mother, because she did drugs on me, and got sent to California. I was on my own, still going from house to house, but now I’m locked up. I already miss the ‘outs’ because I grew up in K-town and I still rode around. I kept my head up. I had hope, but nobody came around. Now I look up to God, pray to him from the ground. When I was abandoned, I almost ran out of town, but I listened to his signs. When I’m up and out, there ain’t no sitting around, ain’t no robbing a house. Give up the hood, it ain’t true. Homies will have your back then bite it like a rat; you’ll get put in the cage, away for most of your age. You might give up, slip up, but hope is another fate, do not put it in vain; too much pain at this age … one day I’ll look back and realize that I changed on this day! (Student, 16)

My Life What would have helped me stay out of trouble? If I had a stable living environment, I would have stayed home, and I wouldn’t have all the charges that brought me into detention. I have experienced disappointments One day, I was on my way home from school and arrived at the house to screaming and yelling. I was told to get out and don’t come back. Every day I had to steal food and lie to almost everyone I know in order to live. I had to run from people I thought I could trust. But then they tried to jump me when I was at my weakest point. I didn’t have anything or anybody. I’m not going to lie, there were times when I was tired of life and wanted to end it. I have experienced hope I would look at my phone all day, and there were only two people I could trust. That brought me back, and I thought I’ll live for them, and now ten months later, I finally have a tent, and I found my first motherly figure that took me in, and I’m about to get a job and go back to school. I’m going to prove my parents wrong and live a good life; if not for me then I’ll do it for the people that care for me. (Student, 17)

Big Blue Sea Monster Me and him did all these bad stuff that was so awesome to me at the time He cheered me up with drugs and violence We would do all these stupid things just to have fun for a while So at the end of the day, I’d end up home depressed and stressed and mad. That I would get so mad at my mom if she talked to me and I didn’t understand why at the time. Until now, Now that you’re gone, I actually think about what I’m doing wrong and how all of that was causing me to stress and feel depressed And now I without you I’m better than ever (Student)

My Life I have experienced disappointments I have disappointed myself and my family by being in detention for committing illegal acts. I quit going to school and did not stay out of trouble. I was doing drugs. I have experienced hope My family has always been there for me, even though I have done bad things. My family supports my girlfriend while Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m in detention. I have experienced disappointments I have let my girlfriend down by hiding things from her. We almost lost our daughter. I have experienced hope My girlfriend and I have worked things out between us. My mom is still helping me to support my girlfriend and our daughter. I want to show my family that I can finish school. I dropped out of school in 5th grade. I want our daughter to go to school and not become a school drop-out. (Student, 17)

My Life I have experienced disappointments I have disappointed many people in my life: my dad, my stepdad, and my friends. I’m also a disappointment to myself. I have experienced hope I’m still alive and fighting for my right to be recognized as a person on this earth. There is still hope, even if it’s just a little. But that’s all I need, just a little hope to keep me going. I have experienced disappointments I have been homeless many times. I felt alone most of the time. I have experienced hope My two best friends give me hope to keep pushing on. One of them is like a brother to me. He is always there for me. And I do the same for him. For my other best friend, I have a different kind of love because I have never had anyone else in my life so close to me as she was. No matter what happens in my life, she still will be on my mind, and I will always have love for her. I have experienced disappointments My life has been very hard. I have made many mistakes in my life I wish I could take back, but I can’t. I have experienced hope My family gives me hope. My little brother and my sister give me hope. My cat gives me hope. I miss her. LOL. (Student, 17)

My Life I have experienced disappointments I have experienced disappointments by doing the things I shouldn’t have done. That’s how I ended up here in detention. I have experienced hope My family still supports me, no matter what. I have experienced disappointments I have disappointed my family, and they suffer because of what I’ve done. I have experienced hope I have hope because I want to get my GED while I’m in detention. My parents are proud of me that I’m working on my GED. I have experienced disappointments I have disappointed myself when I came to the detention facility. I’m sad that I’m away from my family and I’m missing out on all the good things. I have experienced hope I have hope that things can also change for the best. Since I have been in detention, I have been thinking of becoming a better person. I want a good future for my children. I don’t want them to see me making bad choices. I want them to make good choices in life. I want them to finish school and don’t drop out like I did. I want them to be involved in school activities, so they don’t have time to make bad choices. I have experienced disappointments I have disappointed my family and myself by hanging out with people that led me down the wrong path. I have experienced hope My goal is to finish my GED. I would like to go to college and become an accountant. I’m good with numbers. I want to become a better person for my family and my children. I want them to be happy and have a good future.

(Student, 17)

Untitled I’m just not glad I’m not glad I’m not dealing In a place where they told me what I can and can’t do cause I feel trap But at the same time making me think about the decision that made me go to a place like that Cause I know that I didn’t go there by accident. So I wonder and think for all day and made say, how do I get out of my own prison and when I get out what am I going to do next. So I did all by myself And for all the people who said I would end in the same misery Like my father did When he first started to mess things up Can go their own ways Because at least I’m not 6 feet underground Where nobody would see me never ever. (Student)

My Life I was raised in poverty. Living that way humbled me. At a young age, I learned that nothing in life comes for free. It always comes with a fee. Momma said positivity was the key to live life happily. Now that I’m older, I see that she was right. I only wish I would have realized when I had the chance to change my life before I paid the price for a crime. Now I’m serving all this time losing my mind. I lost everything chasing something that would do nothing for me but harm those who are closest to me. Now they are in agony. I’m in search of clarity. I’m having better dreams, the ones without all the negativity. I’m doing better things. It’s crazy how I had to lose my liberty to get my life straight. I feel like a stupid fish that took the bait. Now I have to wait to see where my fate will take me. But I know that it is for sure going to change me. I know I’m destined for greater things; that’s why I never give up. I have goals of places I want to see and different people I want to meet. I have big challenges I want to beat. (Student, 17)

My Life I have experienced disappointments When my dad left and disappeared from my life when I was 5 or 6 years old. I got expelled from school in my freshman year. Later I attended an alternative high school. I have experienced hope When my mom helped me to go back to high school. Even now, my mom still supports me while I’m in juvenile detention, and I appreciate her for never giving up on me. My friends accept my phone calls from juvenile detention. One of my friends brings me stuff that I need. I have experienced disappointments I’m disappointed in myself for the things I shouldn’t have done, the lifestyle I chose, and the mistakes I made. I have experienced hope My hope is that my past doesn’t have to define my future. I can still achieve my goals; to get my GED and to do construction work. My hope is to live a normal life, have a steady income so I can afford an apartment, nice clothes, and a car. I want to support my family to the fullest. I hope to be a good role model for my children, and I want to be there for them when they need me the most. No matter what you have been through, never give up hope because without hope you wouldn’t have anything. Things can be tough in life, but you have to have hope. (Student, 17)

My Life Story I am 17 years old. I got both parents still and three younger sisters. My mom is sick. She can’t be working, but she still does because of me. I really feel bad because, in less than a year, she has gotten like four surgeries. She only has one kidney, and it’s not really working that well. Going back to me, I also got two sons. One is ten months, and the other is barely two weeks and a half, but I can’t see none of them because I am in Juvy. I really want to change because I hate not being with my family and my girlfriend with two sons. I also hate seeing my mom and my family suffer because of me being here. Being out of my sons’ life. Missing out on all the good stuff but it’s also a good thing that I am here so I can learn my lesson, which I did already. I’m actually changing while I’m in here. I’m also working on my GED in here. When I was free, I was a dropout, but I really want to change for the best for my family and kids. I don’t want my kids to go on the wrong path like I did. I want them to finish school, and just do more things that I didn’t get to do. I want to make everyone proud. I want to be able to help my family out like how they been helping me through all this. I just want to have a good life and health and the same thing for all my family and kids. I want to change for the best! The End. (Student, 17)

Your Life Story

Keep Ya Head Up You have to keep ya head up to not go crazy in those cold brick cells. You have to keep ya head up to survive outside of those stone walls too. If someone tries to stop you from what you want to do, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t listen to them. Do what you want. (Student)

About Me Juvy does not define you, only you do.

YOU DON’T KNOW ME! I’m in the dark I ain’t mean to get in my feelings n stuff But dayum, where do I start. What I mean by that is none of you Really know me like I do Yeah, I always joke. Smile and laugh But behind all this There’s much I never had (Student)

What I want you to know about me I’m 17 years old, and I have a young daughter. I got brought in here for kidnapping and possession of a firearm. I didn’t do it. They lied about it. Now they are trying to give me 3 years. It sucks when you are in here for something you didn’t do. Time that you are away from your family. It’s hard. I’ve only been here for a month, and it hurts, wish I made the right choices and didn’t hang around the wrong crowd. It makes you realize what you got in this world. How much time you lose from your family makes you realize the bad you have done in this world. I wish I could go back in time and do everything right. My goal is to get out and be successful in life and right and think positive instead of negative. What I want you to know is that you don’t realize what you lose. It takes only one mistake and being with the wrong crowd. I used to do a lot of drugs. I used to drink every day. I dropped out of school my fifth-grade year. In the sixth-grade year, I started to do drugs and drink and rob people for their goods just so I could get high for the day and drink for the day. Just to have money in my pocket. Once I found out I was going to be a father, I stopped all the drugs, all the robbery. I didn’t want to live that life no more, but one thing I didn’t know was if you hang around the wrong people they do you wrong even though you help them out once one of your friends has a gun you know there is always a devil beside it. One thing it taught me is never be around the wrong crowd even though it's family I’ve realized being locked up ain’t no joke. (Student,17)

What I want you to know about me I am a very nice to people and even when they are not my friends. I get bullied at school a lot, but I still hang on and you should too if you get bullied. Do not give in because if you do, they will think they are cool and bully you even more. If you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give up and give in, they will give up. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how it was for me. I got through all that and maybe it will for you. (Student, 13)

What I want you to know about me I am a kid with a life that is not so fun. My life kind of sucks but I learned to cope with it. My dad was a good teacher, but my dad had very bad problems. My dad didn’t always punish me, but when he did, I would get really scared or run away with fear even though he would always find me 50% of the time his punishments were so bad I should have died, but I’m still here. My dad taught me to always love ladies and to never hit them. He taught me how to use a sword. He taught me how to love video games so much it’s a habit. He taught me how to take apart and put a computer back together. My dad taught me many things, and I thank him for that. I am a very strong man. I am also very smart and sometimes having both those skills in very scary. I have fear toward myself sometimes that I don’t trust myself. I am a very nice guy. I try to be friendly to everyone, not fight them. I do not like fighting because I know what I am capable of. I don’t like to fight because in the end, I know I will win. I always do, never lost, not once in my life. What I do like is to protect others, and I do a lot of that. I love to help everyone out, even if I don’t know them. I never hit a girl in my life, and I think that’s pretty good if I don’t say so myself. I want to build video games, I guess because of my dad. If I think about it, I am a lot like my dad in a lot of ways, but I am a whole lot better than him, that’s for sure. I am very protective of the ones I love, but that’s because of childhood trauma. I have PTSD, and it usually gets triggered when someone needs help. So, I guess that’s why I like to help a lot and make sure if everything is okay. The last girl I dated which is still my best friend, which we both still love each other but highly doubt we will get back together, but there is still a chance. My PTSD always got triggered if she needed help or she got hurt or just when she got mad at me bit got triggered a lot on my other best friend too. He and I have been friends since birth, lol. Three months difference, lol. I’m a pretty cool guy to hang out with if you get to know me. I had trouble with making friends, well, still do sometimes, but I like to blame that on myself though. I suck at writing and at spelling, but I am good at math, science, history, computers, singing, YouTube, and being friendly

with others. I love my family and my two best friends. I would never trade anything in the whole world. I thank god for all the good things that happened to me, and I wish happiness for the future for me and others. (Student, 17)

I Am I am the girl in that hospital bed wishing youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d come see me or help me. I am the girl with cuts on her thighs whom nobody knows about. I am a girl trapped in her own mind with the walls so high that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d take years to climb. I am the girl bleeding inside her heart from all the ish she had been through. I am the girl in the hospital bed just asking, begging for some helpâ&#x20AC;Ś (Student)

What I want you to know about me I am 17 years old. I got 3 sisters, sometime we may fight and argue, but I really love them with all my heart and would do anything to protect them. I also have 2 sons. I dropped out of school the beginning of sophomore year to work and pay for things my kids needed. Then when I had enough money saved, my grandpa took me to a car dealership so I can get my own car. I got a Mercedes. My girlfriend and I both went to work that summer and came back with a good amount of money. Then I found a job at a dairy, and that’s where I met this one friend. Little did I know that at that moment, my life was going to change and make me make the wrong choices. Well, me and that so-called friend started to talk and get to know each other. Then I started going to his house, little by little, till the day I got fired from my job for not going to work and instead staying at his house. After that, I would go to his house every single day. Sometimes I wouldn’t go home to sleep just to be there. He was an active gangster, and he had other friends he knew. One day his other friend comes, and we get to know each other. He was a pretty crazy dude. One day he messaged me to kick it with him. He was at my house already waiting for me. He hopped into my car, and we started cruising down the street. Little did I know that night, my life was going to change. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. Now I don’t get to see my family and my two sons or girlfriend. It made my life so bad, but it’s also doing good for me. I changed in here a lot. I started my GED classes here, and I have been showing a lot of progress. My parents and my girlfriend are both happy for me that I am changing for the best, also glad that I am trying to get my GED. I am also trying so hard to be a better person for my family and kids. I want to be there in my sons’ lives and be a better role model for them and my sisters. I don’t want to see none of them make the wrong choices I made. I want them to go on the right path and do things I couldn’t do. I want to be able to help my family in things they need help in. Here I am, right now, writing this in Juvy. Missing out on all the good stuff like my sons’ life and family events. I really miss my family and everyone I love so much.

Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why when I get out of this place, I am going to prove to everyone that I can change and become a better person, start making the right choices. I want to make my family proud. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty much my life story. You know, just because someone goes to jail does not mean their lives are over. You can still do plenty of good things like me. I am getting my GED in here. Well, that is what I wanted to show and let you know how my life pretty much is. Went from bad but little by little going good. The End! (Student, 17)

What I want you to know about me …is that I am a 16-year-old facing 7 and a half years. My two best friends are serving time, and my girlfriend is too. I’m in pain right now because I am away from all my loved ones. My parents are struggling right now with work and money. I ain’t make their situation any better by being in Juvy. Growing up, I was never wealthy. We only had enough money to get by. My mom had mental health issues. She would lose it and end up in the mental hospital. I was never the best in school, but I loved sports from a young age. I played soccer and learned to love the sport. As I got older and joined wrestling, which is my favorite sport, I was the best in my school, and I won first place medals. To be able to play, you had to have good scores. Which I didn’t have so they took away my favorite sport. It only got worse from there. I started skipping school, got a few charges doing dumb stuff. I started hanging around with bad cats, getting into more trouble. I was always fighting, beating up kids. Now that I look back at it, I was doing it for street fame. The more people knew about me, the better. The bigger the reputation I had, the more people respect you and are afraid of you. I was doing all these things to make money so I could buy my own clothes and pay my own phone bill. Not realizing I was hurting my loved ones. I did my girl dirty a few times messing with other girls. I didn’t realize all the damage I was doing. I was just reckless. The money got to my head; the gang got to my head. I had had all these people trying to help me, pointing me in the right direction, but I would just block them out. Stuff was getting out of hand. I got jumped, so I started carrying something around for protection or to see if I saw those same cats that beat me up. I started plotting, trying to get people back for what they did to me. I was paranoid everywhere I went. Looking out for cops or enemies. All this stuff was harming me not that I look back at it. Then the unthinkable happened. Me and my friend got locked up. Not just that but my girlfriend came down with us too. I thought we were invincible and that nobody could catch us. We were too sneaky, is what I thought but then I soon found out I was wrong. I’ve been locked up 5 months now, and you know what, I’m glad

that I am. Let me tell you why because if I wasn’t, I never would have learned my lesson. More people would have got hurt, and I probably would be facing more time. If I never would have been caught, I wouldn’t be getting an education. I would still be committing crimes. Now that I’m in here, I’m changing. Becoming a better person. I’m changing my ways. I am learning about God. I probably wouldn’t be alive if I was on the outs. What people don’t know about me is that this is barely the beginning of my story. Only the beginning of my comeback. I’m planning on doing big things when I’m free. (Student, 16)

What I want you to know about me I’ve loved school for as long as I could stay in it. I really miss the ones I can’t see no more. I always try to stay with my family as much as I can until it got taken away. I love writing and drawing. Once I got kicked out, it hurt, but I would get back up again. I only wanted better for my sister. I still went to school as much as I could. It was an investment in my eyes. I was always told school would get you places. Never thought it would be here, but it was my choice; to be friends with the wrong people will get you nowhere but here. I learned that the hard way. I sit here and tell you what I learned. I learned that you can have as many friends in the world, but once you are in a cell, where are they now? Having fun without you, and it will always be that way. They ain’t going to sit and think of you all the time. They got their life, and we got ours. I used to think friends were all I had, but when I was in the cell alone, I realized only my family hurt. Only my mom and brothers. That’s how it is, friends are there when you can provide of help, but when you can’t, and you’re locked up, asking “where they at?” They are out there having fun without us. Our family is the only ones that got us. Our friends might think like “oh man, that kid was down,” but they don’t miss you. That’s why in my cell, the only person I talk to is God because He is looking out for me through the darkness. Keep your faith in the lord, and you will know your path. Live for Him, and you will be awarded, pain is a lesson. Mistakes are a lesson. Mistrust is a lesson because you only need to trust in the Lord, and you will be served! (Student, 15)

What I want you to know about me

I Am Poem I am a boy who struggles with going to school.

I am a boy who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like school. I am a boy who wants to like going to school. I am a boy who loves his parents. I am a boy who is close to his dad. I am a boy who likes going to the skate park. I am a boy who likes to ride scooters. I am a boy who likes to ride bikes. I am a boy who likes to hang out with my friends. I am a boy who likes to hang out with his family. I am a boy who wants to do good in life. I am a boy who wants to stop getting into trouble. I am a boy who wants to succeed in life. (Student, 14)

The Change of Worlds While Painting Stroke after stroke Color after color Brush after brush Canvas after canvas When I’m painting, I’m not in this world Not in this Juvy Not surrounded by brick walls I’m floating in clouds of imagination and creativity Floating softly Cloud to cloud So free So wonderfully free There are no restrictions No rules No wrongs or rights In the world of imagination and creativity It’s all up to you It’s all up to your heart It’s all up to your feelings What you feel in the moment Everything is beautiful Everything has surprises and secrets to be told Everyone has talents and stories to tell There’s a never-ending universe of imagination and creativity

And we all have our own talents My talents are painting Drawing Jewelry making And writing whether it be poems or just writing to get my thoughts out Stroke after stroke Color after color Brush after brush Canvas after canvas Floating on my clouds of imagination and creativity Floating cloud to cloud Drifting further as I continue to paint Forever floating while Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m painting (Student, 17)

Urban Poets Society Keep moving forward, not backward.

Hidden treasure by Kyle everyone in the system is a hidden treasure you can't measure their brilliance they could be worth millions records keep them down pirates buried them underground thinking they'd be safe and sound someday they will be found golden crowns diamond rings who knows if they can sing brilliant minds hidden in the system people really missed them everyone has an opportunity to unleash greatness maybe it's fate they laid awake working on their rhymes instead of planning their crimes found a chest full of only the best instead of being placed under arrest

put them to the test they might be purer than the rest 20 steps west, 15 south Listen to the words coming out their mouth nobody can vouch for what's in their mind wishing they could rewind time to find the treasure map searching through mines just to pay their fines hoping their lines acquire the price of treasure required to be hired is a clean record even the oldest artifacts aren't clean but their price is not measured people in the system really are a hidden treasure

Up by Megan When you wake up in the morning get out of bed even if it feels like there are weights attached to your ankles pick yourself up and drag your feet across the hallway because I know that you want to live and fly but even the best of us are weighed down by gravity sometimes now look at yourself notice the curve of your nose and the way your teeth fit into the space of your mouth see your arms and your legs and the muscles forming under your skin girl, don't take it for granted

your body is the only home you'll ever truly have So stand up! hold yourself steady on your feet feel the muscles in your legs contract and stretch and breath put on your shoes and run hear the slap of your feet against the pavement and leave echos in your wake because people will only ever hear the reverberations of the impacts you make experience your heart beat quicken and your self breath deeper as you let your lungs expand to bring more life into you now now that you've started you can't stop now because your lungs are still expanding and your heart is still working overtime and if you stop all the extra blood will hit your brain and your stand still cramped muscles

it'll throw you and send your head spinning and your hands reaching for something steady but there will be nothing there because even when you stop the world keeps moving and you need to learn to keep up

How do I tell her By Paloma How do I tell her "don't be afraid" when I am terrified? How do I tell her "be you, be yourself" when I don't know who I am? How do I tell her "your beautiful" when I can't even look in the mirror? How do I tell her "your body is a temple don't let anyone tell you different" when I abused my body beyond repair? How do I tell her "education is important" when I'm a senior in high school with 4 credits? How do I tell her "alcohol is not the answer to your problems" when I crave that burn in my throat when I can't handle my own problems? How do I tell her that "sex is only done with one person who you trust" when I gave my body to anyone who asked? How do I tell her

"you will grow up get married, have kids and live happily ever after" when I got pregnant at 14 and had her 15? How do I tell her "you will be loved and be treated like a queen" when her own mother had never actually been loved by a man but only used and abused? But lastly, how do I save her from being me?

Said The Gutter to the Stars by Husaya You see me not I am the gutter you have forgotten me, said the gutter to the stars. And the stars spoke, ah but you are wrong I have held you close you have forgotten yourself. I battle shadows which howl in the darkest corners of my soul like empty winds, they feed my sins and leave me wrapped in sapless bones I thirst for candlelight. May I touch your lips and see your eyes to see what you are made of,

to see where I have came from, to see my past and afterlife? said the gutter to the stars. And the stars spoke, you are made of sunlight your incandescent beams burn as sweet as lemonade on summer nights. Touch my flesh I am made of thunderbolts my womb was cut for you by blades of crystal rays and amethyst. You are candlelight which glows as full as phoenix souls. I have far from forgotten you you are starlight shone on precious gold and so, I hold you close It is you who has forgotten your soul is lost and therefore, your eyes are closed. And so the gutter wept and rivers flowed with amethyst and burnished gold. And the stars spoke,

find yourself by way of hope my child, I call you come back home.

My neighborhood is… (Juvy class collaborative poem March of 2015) My neighborhood is... turning into a wasteland by cold dope pushers a broken society and some cops don’t care a collection of windows all broken open a choir of quiet souls gasping for music My neighborhood is... so ill, dope-filled syringes and doped-up parents a young man trying to rise with faith with no size a swift angel’s worst nightmare wingless and fallen full of dying dope addicts begging for a hit My neighborhood is... a place where 9 kids were raised and where struggle roams a pair of coke white Jordan’s dropped in a tar pit a cold breeze down my bent spine fear filling my head a place where grass does not show, and people stay low

Mellow by Marquise This is just a story of a kid in a town who just wanted to make music and improve on his sound dreams of rockin’ crowds but his feelings are down because his homie OD’d and his friends aren’t around they’re either chillin’ out with Mary Jane or partyin’ with Molly no one’s down to watch a movie they just wanna trip with Lucy Either sniffin’ up some rails or they’re cuttin’ on some glass loadin’ up another the line because the high didn’t last pills watch ‘em sniff ‘um up their sinuses demons…yeah invite ‘em in poppin’ Mollies as if they’re your daily vitamins evil’s knockin’…Hi again knockin' down a forty and then they’re chasin’ it with Vicodin I know people shootin’ needles

usin’, gettin’ higher than a space shuttle the more it makes you feel alive the more it takes away your liveliness he’s just hurt inside and wants the pain to fade away and he can’t feel it or explain it when that H is in his veins but this is all a business, man we profit off addiction without it we wouldn’t be in business, man listen we just cop it cut it zip it flip it and give you guys the stuff you all just chop it down and roll it up you pop the shit and smoke it tough and thrive on the fact that you take things like Adderall until your shoulders shrug...

Precious Unknown by Adriana my miracle still unborn growing day by day those soft, tiny hands your rosy pink face lightens up my world imagining myself with a baby your delicate body is fragile while handling so many wonders coming and going yet, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to come you are my surprise my life

Spoons By Donavan I found burnt spoons in my house when I was little I didn’t know what it was then but I found out later I dream of silver spoons the spoons that rich kids eat from I bet their food tastes better than mine they think they’re better than me – they don’t know they don’t know what it’s like to live off food stamps they don’t know what it’s like to not know their father they don’t know what it’s like being locked up for just trying to make a living they don’t know what it’s like to be shot at and how I have to always look over my shoulder for me, every day is paranoia hoping for the best but expecting the worst

Reflections Dream of a better tomorrow and a better you

I don’t like negativity I guess what I don’t like is negativity. It sucks. I don’t like kicking with people who got a negative vibe. I don’t want them killing my mood too. When I think of the negative, it’s almost never good. I’d rather think healthy by thinking positive and having a goal, even if u don’t know what it is yet. (Student)

What Gave you joy growing up? Living with my mom and dad, having fun playing games and playing with my dog. (Student, 14) My mom, sister, and me in a crappy apartment, but whenever we had money, we would walk to Walgreens on Saturdays and get munchies and watch old movies. (Student) Being with my family and friends. (Student, 17) Being with my mom and dad. (Student, 17) When my family would get together and go down to the river to swim and have barbecues. (Student, 17) Being with my family. (Student, 16)

Personal Reflection

When were you happiest? I was happiest before I got my charges and came to the juvenile detention. (Student, 14) I was happiest when I had my daughter. She is one year old now. (Student, 17) Before I came to the Juvy because my girlfriend was pregnant. (Student, 17) I was happiest when I was at home because that was my safe place. I was always safe there, and it was comforting. (Student, 17) I was happiest when I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really understand what was going on in my family. (Student, 16) I was happiest with my buddy. He helped me find a warm place to stay. (Student, 17) In second grade because I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know about our money struggles and poverty. I was just an innocent kid. (Student)

Personal Reflection

Whom/what do you rely on most in life? I rely on my dad the most because it has helped me through everything. (Student, 14) I rely on my mom and dad and my girlfriend. I really trust them. (Student, 17) I rely on God more than anything or anyone because he is the one anyone can truly rely on. (Student, 17) I rely on my mom and my girlfriend to be there for me. They always care. (Student, 16) My mom and my girl. They keep me safe. (Student) I rely on my friend. He helped me when I was homeless. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection

For what are you deeply grateful? I’m grateful for my dad. He helps me get to school and helps me trying to stay out of juvenile detention. (Student, 14) For my sister because she hired a lawyer for me. (Student, 17) Knowing that sooner or later, this situation is going to be over and I can go home and start over. (Student) I’m grateful for my family and girlfriend because they support me and are by my side despite everything. (Student, 17) I’m very grateful for my mom, my fiancée, and God because all three of them bring me hope each and every day. (Student, 17) I’m grateful for my family. They are there for me when I need them most. (Student, 16) I’m most grateful for my determination and survival instincts. If I didn’t have them, I would be dead. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection

Who best understands your situation? My dad best understands me because he helps me because he is trying to help me through probation. (Student, 14) My mom and my girlfriend understand my situation. (Student, 17) My dad best understands my situation because he is calm, and we are both men. (Student, 17) God, my fiancĂŠe, and my mom are the only ones who understand my current situation. (Student, 17) My mom and my girlfriend. (Student, 16) My step-dad because he was in my exact situation. He was facing a lot of time but prevailed. (Student) My friend knows my situation. He was with me since day one. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection

What things are you most passionate about in life? I’m passionate about having my family in my life and helping me to get through life. (Student, 14) I’m passionate about becoming a welder. (Student, 17) I’m passionate about my girlfriend because she has been with me through everything, even after she had our baby. (Student, 17) Getting my life together and following God is what I’m most passionate about. (Student, 17) Anything that includes family and football. (Student, 16) My freedom means everything to me. I wish I had it back. (Student) I’m passionate about food and my girlfriend. I don’t know how life would be without her. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

Family Family. When most people think of a family, they think of a happy smiling family, but in truth that is a mask that most familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s put on to hide from reality. In reality there are no perfect families, there will always be violence, drugs, alcohol, smoking and a bunch of other things that will destroy a family. Not many people notice this, but the ones that do are the ones who have lost a family member or have a broken family. The ones that notice stay quiet because they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think they matter, but they do. (Student)

At the deepest levels of your being, what nurtures or strengthens you? My dad loves and supports me. (Student, 14) My family: my mom, my girlfriend, and our daughter. (Student, 17) My two sons strengthen me when I think of them. I hope they make better choices in life so they can have a good future. (Student, 17) God is the one who strengthens me each and every day. (Student, 17) All of the hard things I have been through strengthened me. (Student, 16) My mom and my girlfriend have helped me when I was close to committing suicide. They have helped and strengthened me and care about my wellbeing. (Student) I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know, but I want to prove all the people who hate me wrong. They think Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going nowhere in life. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection

What pulls you down and discourages you? The friends I hang out with pull me down. (Student, 14) Not knowing when I’m getting out of detention and being locked up like an animal. (Student, 17) Hanging out with my bad group of friends. (Student, 17) Being locked up and people telling me that I’m nothing. This discourages me. (Student, 17) Being away from my family. (Student, 16) Being incarcerated and being talked down to like I’m a dog. And not knowing when I can go home. (Student) When my family quit on me and kicked me out of the house and forced me to support myself. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

If you had a magic wand, what would you change to make your life more meaningful? I would clean my juvenile record, and I would do good, so I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get put back on probation. (Student, 14) Stop hanging out with the wrong people that got me into trouble. (Student, 17) I want to go home and take myself out of the juvenile justice system. (Student) I want to get out of Juvy and do better. (Student, 17) I would change all the wrong things I have done and make myself perfect. (Student, 17) To do a lot better in school. (Student, 16) I would change how my family feels about me. My life would be easier. Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

When in your life have you experienced forgiveness? I took money from my mom. I told about it and paid her back. She forgave me. (Student, 14) When my girlfriend forgave me and my sister. (Student, 17) My mom has forgiven me for giving her a hard time and having her worried about me. (Student, 17) God, my mom, and my girl have all forgiven me for all the wrong things I have done. (Student, 17) When I was 15 years old, I forgave my Pops for what he has put my family through. (Student, 16) When I made my mom cry and pleaded for forgiveness. (Student) My girlfriend forgave me for doing drugs. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

What are your deepest regrets? My deepest regret is taking things that are not mine. (Student, 14) Talking and hanging out with other girls while I was dating my girlfriend. (Student, 17) My deepest regret is coming to the Juvy and missing out on the good things in life. (Student, 17) I regret using drugs. If I hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t used drugs, I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have all the charges. (Student, 17) My deepest regrets are getting in trouble, joining a gang, cheating on my girlfriend, doing drugs, and disrespecting my mom. (Student, 17) Meeting certain friends?!? (Student, 16) Losing trust with my close ones and becoming cold-hearted. (Student)

Personal Reflection:

Glass by DJ You have to hold her like sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s made of glass. fragile as if she would shatter at your very touch Seeing as she is see through light bounces through her crystalline being at the warm touch of sunlight.

It is apparent that her heart is transparent and as delicate as fine china. She is an open book. A real page turner I can’t seem to put down. And I’ve seen the scars cracks and breaks in your glass figure. I wonder if you’re like me and people took chunks out of you when they walked out of your life... and while I filled up all my empty spaces with so much spite I take one look at her and think my demons could be gone for quite some time And when I think that happiness can only be obtained in my dreams I look at her and think man she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen And I know some people have

come and scarred your heart but believe me when I say they only cut out the rough edges and now I can see you for what you truly are a gem A precious stone worth more than you know. because sometimes if you try to break something it becomes more beautiful from the effort...

Be vulnerable because it is the core of everything else you feel.

Someone Always Cares Mad at everything and everyone She took her anger and frustrations out in her notebooks Writing poems Writing her frustrations down Just to get them out So lost, so alone Not knowing who she can turn to Not knowing what to do Not knowing whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to happen Her whole life sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been alone Like a lone little boat floating through the ocean Going through storm after storm Day after day Year after year Even minute after minute Hour after hour Just drifting Everything flowing on past Everyone drifting past Never stopping Never asking Until one day someone unique Someone special stopped and asked her how she was doing And it changed her world knowing someone cared

(Student, 17)

What helps you get through times of difficulty (or crisis)? My dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s support when I go through hard times. (Student, 14) When I can talk to someone or go on walks. (Student, 17) My mom and dad, my girlfriend, and my grandparents help me to get through difficult times because they take time to talk to me. (Student, 17) Expressing my feelings to my counselor. (Student, 16) I can always talk to my girlfriend, and she helps me through every situation. (Student) My girlfriend. She is always there for me. She gave me new supplies after someone stole all my belongings. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

What sources of strength do you draw on pressing forward? My dad is my support and strength. (Student, 14) I have hope. I want to do better for my daughter and girlfriend. (Student, 17) My family, my girlfriend, and my two sons. (Student, 17) My family. (Student, 16) Hope for the future, earning money, and a beautiful wife and family. (Student) All the people who have supported me. I would be dead without them. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

What gives you the strength to carry on day after day? My dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s support and being able to talk to him about everything. (Student, 14) Thinking of my family, and the will to do better. (Student, 17) I have hope to get out of Juvy soon and my family. (Student, 17) Knowing that I have a baby on the way. (Student, 16) Knowing that sooner or later, this situation is going to be over and I can go home and start over. (Student) The people who have supported me despite the fact that I made major mistakes. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

What would you like to be able to let go of in your life? To let go of my friends who got me into trouble. (Student, 14) My bad past and drugs. (Student, 17) My aggression and isolation. I get aggravated at people when they complain about small things. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t complain, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m homeless and have no money. (Student, 17) I like to get go of all my bad habits. (Student, 17) All the negative people. (Student, 16) My trust issues, my insecurities, and my grudges. (Student)

Personal Reflection:

When wolves eat their own by Cindy I act like my life is perfect seems like I get everything I want got a smile on my face like it never happened but it did I would close my eyes and dream of violets, while the violent violation happened on the other side of my eyelids the stuff that happened behind closed doors yeah it happened but I don’t let it get to me I think of it as a different me he

him yes

him

I try to forget him he never leaves my memory it’s trapped inside my brain he who is a disgusting animal he who would come into my room while I would dream slide off the undies I would wear to sleep he who would touch me but never was inside me I was only 4 not knowing what he was doing didn’t know if it was good or bad

every time my mother would leave and it was time for bed he would sneak into my room after midnight, wolf-like I would hide from the moonlight pretending I was asleep while his claws undressed me I want to know why a blood one would want to torture me why would he want to touch me it would hurt me to think about it I couldn’t even talk about I felt like everyone would judge me I know that there’s a thousand other girls out there just like me! I know that I don’t stand alone, but I do stand strong. they say you got to forgive to forget and I’ve been passed that I won’t be destroyed by this vandal cause god wouldn’t put me in a position that I can’t handle

Always do your best, even if people canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see that you are trying.

Hold You Down If people want to hold you down, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hang with them. Hang with new people because the ones that hold you down hold themselves down, and destroy their lives. You have the power to set yourself free along with others from the restraints of the lost. (Student)

Who truly understands your situation? My dad understands my situation. He helps me get to court and to school on time. He helps me with everything. (Student, 14) My dad because he was in jail once. (Student, 17) My family and my girlfriend understand my situation. (Student, 17) My Pops because he has been in and out of prison. (Student, 16) I understand my situation. (Student) My friend knows the whole truth. He also knows how my dad is. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

Who supports you in difficult times? How so? My dad visits me in detention and answers my collect phone calls. (Student, 14) My mom and my girlfriend donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give up on me. (Student, 17) My mom and dad support me in difficult times because they love me and support me. (Student, 17) My mom and my girlfriend. They encourage and support me. (Student, 16) My family and my girl stand by my side. (Student) My girlfriend and my homies. They support me and give me supplies. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

What are you striving for in your life? My goal is to stop getting new charges and to get off probation. (Student, 14) To become a welder and also work in construction. (Student, 17) Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m striving for success and a better life so my kids can have a good future. (Student, 17) To become a counselor. (Student,16) I want to prove my parents wrong. They say that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going nowhere in life. (Student, 17) Hope for a better future and a good job earning decent money. I want to have a good family and that my kids have both a mom and a dad. (Student) I want to prove my parents wrong. They say that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going nowhere in life. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

How would you like to be remembered? I would like to be remembered as a good son, a good friend, and a good person. (Student, 14) I want to be remembered as a good person and loyal son. (Student, 17) I would like to be remembered as a good and trustworthy person. (Student, 17) I like to be remembered as a caring person as someone people can call on for help. I want to be remembered as a loyal person. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be remembered as one who is in and out of jail. I want my siblings to be able to look up to me. (Student) As the homeless kid who became an author and motivational speaker. (Student, 17)

Personal Reflection:

Follow a different and better path

Strength Every second Of every minute Of every hour Of every day The same thing every day Same people Same place Same stuff to do The strength she had… Mentally as strong as a mountain…unmovable She feels so weak as the days go by. Weak as a baby bird. But the strength she has will always be there. Always chanting, “You got this, don’t give up and keep that head up!” No matter the amount of strength…strength will always get her through. Never give up your strength! Strength will always get you where you want to go. Through every second Of every minute Of every hour Of every day Stay strong So you can get through anything and everything! (Student, 17)

If I could change Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from yours.

If I Could Change If I could change my life, I would go back to simpler times when I was free and happy. To when I was little. Back to when I had my old life, back to when I had my old friends, back to the house I was raised in. Back to simpler times. (Student)

IF I COULD CHANGE If I could change, I would have never to the truck keys off of the wall. I would have never started that truck and picked up my friend. If I could change, I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be here right now. (Student)

If I could change my life If I could go back in time to when I was 12 making deals and selling pills, I would. It gave me chills knowing that the twelves could show up to my house at any time and could take my freedom, even my life. Knowing that I have ruined peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lives. It all came with a price. I would go back to when I was thirteen, deciding that my life is where friends are; knowing that the color blue was all I knew and I just wish I could change it, but I knew that it came with a price. (Student)

What would you change?

Be yourself in the best way possible.

My Goals In Life I want to do better in life because I want my siblings to look up to me as a role model. I don’t want them to be following in my footsteps. I made a lot of mistakes in the past, but I learned from them. I hope in my lifetime I can reach my goals and prove those wrong who didn’t believe in me. I want to be a barber – finish what my own brother couldn’t because he passed away at the age of 18 years. I was only 8 years old when it happened. I want to own my own barbershop. I want to put his picture in my barber shop because I want to keep his memory alive. I want people to know why I started cutting hair. (Student, 17)

Letter to my unborn child I just want to say Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sorry for never being there for my family like I should have. Never getting to have the chance to be a Dad. Just want to say sorry to my family for putting them through this stress when none of this is their fault. (Student, 17)

Dear Momma When you are in the dark, love is strong and the key to the light.

Listen To Your Elders I have gotten myself into trouble a lot of times because of the people I hung around. My dad has been in prison my whole life, so it was always just my mom and me. I would always go and hang out with the kids in my neighborhood, and I thought they were really cool because they were always laughing, having a good time, and partying with girls. So I wanted to be like them, and I became a gangster. My mom always tried to keep me away from that kind of stuff, which made me more curious. She always told me that if I kept doing what I was doing, I would be like my dad; in and out of prison. But I didn’t believe her because I always thought I was different and that wouldn’t happen to me. But it did happen to me. It’s kind of like the saying, “If you put your hand in the fire, you are going to get burned.” If I would have listened to my mom then, I wouldn’t be where I’m today; in detention. So if you are reading this, listen to your elders. They are smarter than you think. I learned that the hard way and now that I’m older, I realized that I should have listened to my mom then, but I’m doing it now. (Student, 17)

Dear Mama I hope you wipe your tears. I hope you pray for me thru all these years. I can’t bear how you feel. I’m the youngest, and I’m locked up, going to the Hill. Hope you Forgive how I feel, feels like home locked up foreal. I’ve been in the street, Ma when you were away. Ain’t nobody feed me or put money my way Now I’m locked up Ma, thank god you’re back It feels so great this is all I ever ask Stay up, Ma Just let these years flow by fast All your sons are locked up New future for us We never needed no Dad (Student, 16)

Dear Mom, Hope you’ve been recovering from the car crash and healing quick and you’ve been seeing a heart doctor in Oregon for your heart and a doctor for your kidney since it was so long since you’ve seen one since we’ve moved to Oregon cause the wreck would have made it worse probably, and I probably stress you out too being in Juvy all the time and stuff, but I’m going to stop coming here when I get out, and Ima stay out cause I know it makes you sad and stressed to see me in here. (Student)

DAD Dad, you left me when I was 4. You left me and my mom and got drunk. You got locked up for 4 years when I was six because you did some stupid stuff with a gun. When you got out, I was 10, you never called or wrote a letter. I sent you letters but never got a reply. I have gotten into drugs and trouble because I wanted to talk to you, but you never answered the phone. So I knew you were drunk or stoned or on something. So I just stopped trying and got into drugs. I wish you could have been there for me when I needed you. (Student)

Dear Mama, I’m sorry for all the pain I’m causing you. I know you’d never imagine I’d turn out like this. I used to be so different man. It ain’t your fault. You did everything you could, my queen. Everything that’s happening right now had to happen, there was no way of skipping it. You did everything to try to get me to change. I did change for a while, but I went back to my bad habits, momma. You worked so hard sometimes that you didn’t have time to deal with me. Most of the time, you had to worry about your other kids too. It was hard growing up for me. We grew up poor. Money was tight all the time, but that didn’t bother. I couldn’t have wanted it any other way. Growing up that way humbled me, but every now and then you would spoil us. You would do backbreaking work just to give us a better future. I know you suffer from depression and anxiety, but you didn’t let that stop you from living a happy life. Momma, I just want to let you know I love you no matter what. (Student)

Dear Mama, I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, even though I may not show it or say it to you. I also want to say thank you for all the hard work you’ve done for me and my sisters. I really do appreciate all the things you said and done for me to help me. Even though you are sick with many surgeries done in the past, and with kidney failure, you still manage to work your ass off all day, even though you ain’t supposed to. You do all that because I know you care about your family and also because of me. I put you in a tough spot mom and your still here by my side supporting me while I’m in Juvy. You have been working way more because of me, you got me a $20,000 lawyer, and you’re working overtime to get the money to pay it. I really thank you honestly for all you’re doing for me, but it will all pay off because the lawyer helped in beating the case. The second I’m out of Juvy I am going to start looking for jobs, so you can just stay home and relax like you should be doing. I will help you as much as I can to pay you back for all the stuff you did for me. I really love you, mom. Thanks for everything. Have a good one. (Student, 17)

DEAR MOMMA I’m good. Don’t worry. I’ll be home soon. 120 more days from the sun to the moon (Student, 17)

Dear Mama,

Keep your head up You’re bored, huh? This feeling you have of anger and sadness will be over soon. Right now, just focus on yourself. If you’re looking up to 10+ years, it isn’t the end. Just learn to do something you would never do and how to better yourself. Just keep yourself busy, and if you’re doing a couple of days or months just better yourself, move smart, so you don’t ever have to be in that cell again. (Student)