I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure
Sarah LaPonte
I thought it was a bad idea Going to the coast one midnight, driving fast and drinking four loko’s, we hit a snowy white owl. Genny slammed on the breaks without stopping wade and matt giggled and our headlights were the only ones bouncing the crooked backroads fast till we felt sick I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. Hanging out in old town with fake id’s and tip money I lied and said I was twenty five, used the plan b I saved since high school there wasn’t blood I’m glad I didn’t I didn’t tell him I didn’t know how to I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. So hungover I thought I was dying I went to the party anyway and asked to see your dogs. The next morning riding home in goldshorts with dumpstered Christmas decorations I sat in Clare’s kitchen and drank tea borrowed socks we tried to google you and decided that you were cute. You called me darlin’ and brought wine over stayed up past midnight painting signs in other languages took me out for breakfast I would’ve ridden in that truck forever I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. Working doubles and always late, off at eleven to dive bar dinners of cherries fished from whiskey sours, my head was always ringing, it hurt to pee all summer. Sharing a bowl with a homebum our backs to the freeway, my pack was too heavy I almost couldn’t run fast enough, wondered if you would’ve left me but couldn’t ask I think I know the answer I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. Talking at billy ray’s till close hands ice cold your cheek on my shoulder I could see it all about to happen I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure.
I just wanted to make sure. An eight week old puppy, the only one left, I held him sitting on the heat vent turned up patsy cline so we couldn’t hear him cry beans and rice for breakfast and dinner to make up for all the vet bills I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. Waking up with a buffalo tattoo and broke again a bridge tattoo and broke again a tom waits quote tattoo and broke again a state tattoo, and another state tattoo letters on my knuckles and all across my calf and broke and broke and broke again, I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. Riding fast down seventh I saw the sedan but I hadn’t fixed my brake too mad to call insurance I cussed them out and kept biking, a bruise on my hip bone and new scar on my chin, I hocked my helmet to go to the doctor too stoned to open my front door Craigslist rideshares with rave dj’s one way tickets SF to Tucson I am sitting on cardboard on piss on grass in a jungle watching the northbounds and reading Faulkner you tag the well for our first trip but I can’t think of a road name, yours is dumb but I don’t tell you saw it the other day you called to tell me, I stayed and signed a lease finished school got some more jobs I thought it was a bad idea I just wanted to make sure. Driving east, alone now, dog asleep on the front seat floor on my backpack backseat packed up, I think about these things and call Clare. You just cant stand to not know, she says, you always have to find out.
I thought it was a bad idea, I just wanted to make sure.
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Text and images Š 2012 Sarah LaPonte www.sarahlaponte.com